Torchwood scheduled you some time on the target range
Dear darling Captain Jack, are you guys going to participate in Blog Like It's The End of the World Day next saturday? The way it works is that on June 13th you post on your blog (livejournal) that zombies are attacking. You describe what's going on in your spot in the world and link to other journals. You'll see people tagging 'bliteotw'.
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP !!!
It's insanely fun, we all did it last year. I thought of you when I saw the emails for this year. By The Way I think of you A LOT (sexily maybe?).
I'm sending you some internet kisses xxxx P.C. MANDY
------
Sorry, I didn't have time to pretend zombies are attacking. I had to fight fucking zombies!
Okay, cute, I understand internet 'memes'. Don't get me wrong. I like to spend my mornings filling out questionnaires about myself and then forcing my friends to read them. Who doesn't?
Incidentally, my "Porn Star Name" is Nibbles 45th Row Theta Pod.
I'd be all over this latest fad too if we hadn't been distracted by the living fucking dead yesterday.
It was Martha who noticed there was something wrong with our corpses...Firstly, they were out of their drawers. Secondly, they were walking around and biting at people.
Fortunately Torchwood was there to take care of the problem. We shot that whole situation in the face pretty hard, Mandy.
If I tried to also make time for fantasy blogging when would I have time to play Settlers of Catan?
Zombies are messy whether they are the kind that moan and drag their stumps across the floor, or the kind that scream and run at you with super-speed. I had to scrub down the team. I'm talking the full nooks n' crannies treatment.
This brings me to an important topic: KIDS, what are they teaching you in your learning cubes these days?
I armed sevendayloan and sent her into the fray to shoot zombies in the face. She got zombies in the kneecaps, spleen, lungs -- ok, perfect if you were trying to slow your grandmother down but nothing is better than a bullet in the face.
I don't mind the SPRAY THE MUTHERFUCKIN SCENE, MUTHAFUCKAH! technique. Didn't I defend my thesis on that very topic in Battle School? It's perfect for crowded situations. Libraries, spaceports, basilisk nests, etc.
But there are only so many bullets you can carry in your pockets. Not everyone has a fabulous greatcoat with deep pockets for lube and ammo and snacks.
If you guys are walking home from the circus or planetarium and are attacked by highwaymen, you might only have time to get eight or twelve shots off before you are overwhelmed. At least one of those should hit the target! I worry about you, seriously. At least sevendayloan picked up a gun.
Some of you civilians just cry when Cardiff explodes. Or you crouch in the middle of the road wailing "DENNIS!" over your husband's corpse and I have to slowly drive around you while Gwen compassions at you through the rolled-down window.
The Captain Jack Harkness ExperienceEmergency Remedial Weapons Range Training for All
Aim for the middle for fuck's sake
Ok, step up everyone. Grab a weapon from the pile. Headphones and safety glasses are in the box under the table.
If you don't know how to load whatever you grabbed, listen, you don't need to wait for me. I encourage you to experiment by jamming things into slots. Exploration is the best way to learn!
I'm going to walk around to holler instructions and maybe give your ass a little tap to motivate you. I need to get right up in your personal space to help you, so if you smell something fantastic pressed against you just relax.
Remember, accuracy is different than precision. I can explain the difference if you roll up your sleeves so I can gently stroke your inner arm.
TORCHWOOD STAFF, I see you peering at me hauling out all these guns. You can't get out of this one either. Just because we shoot things in the face every week doesn't mean you don't need to be harder, better, faster, stronger.
GOT YOUR WEAPON?
OKAY. BE GUIDED BY MY VOICE. BANG! BANG IT HARD!
Yrs helpfully,
Cpt. Jack Harkness
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP !!!
It's insanely fun, we all did it last year. I thought of you when I saw the emails for this year. By The Way I think of you A LOT (sexily maybe?).
I'm sending you some internet kisses xxxx P.C. MANDY
------
Sorry, I didn't have time to pretend zombies are attacking. I had to fight fucking zombies!
Okay, cute, I understand internet 'memes'. Don't get me wrong. I like to spend my mornings filling out questionnaires about myself and then forcing my friends to read them. Who doesn't?
Incidentally, my "Porn Star Name" is Nibbles 45th Row Theta Pod.
I'd be all over this latest fad too if we hadn't been distracted by the living fucking dead yesterday.
It was Martha who noticed there was something wrong with our corpses...Firstly, they were out of their drawers. Secondly, they were walking around and biting at people.
Fortunately Torchwood was there to take care of the problem. We shot that whole situation in the face pretty hard, Mandy.
If I tried to also make time for fantasy blogging when would I have time to play Settlers of Catan?
Zombies are messy whether they are the kind that moan and drag their stumps across the floor, or the kind that scream and run at you with super-speed. I had to scrub down the team. I'm talking the full nooks n' crannies treatment.
This brings me to an important topic: KIDS, what are they teaching you in your learning cubes these days?
I armed sevendayloan and sent her into the fray to shoot zombies in the face. She got zombies in the kneecaps, spleen, lungs -- ok, perfect if you were trying to slow your grandmother down but nothing is better than a bullet in the face.
I don't mind the SPRAY THE MUTHERFUCKIN SCENE, MUTHAFUCKAH! technique. Didn't I defend my thesis on that very topic in Battle School? It's perfect for crowded situations. Libraries, spaceports, basilisk nests, etc.
But there are only so many bullets you can carry in your pockets. Not everyone has a fabulous greatcoat with deep pockets for lube and ammo and snacks.
If you guys are walking home from the circus or planetarium and are attacked by highwaymen, you might only have time to get eight or twelve shots off before you are overwhelmed. At least one of those should hit the target! I worry about you, seriously. At least sevendayloan picked up a gun.
Some of you civilians just cry when Cardiff explodes. Or you crouch in the middle of the road wailing "DENNIS!" over your husband's corpse and I have to slowly drive around you while Gwen compassions at you through the rolled-down window.
The Captain Jack Harkness ExperienceEmergency Remedial Weapons Range Training for All
Aim for the middle for fuck's sake
Ok, step up everyone. Grab a weapon from the pile. Headphones and safety glasses are in the box under the table.
If you don't know how to load whatever you grabbed, listen, you don't need to wait for me. I encourage you to experiment by jamming things into slots. Exploration is the best way to learn!
I'm going to walk around to holler instructions and maybe give your ass a little tap to motivate you. I need to get right up in your personal space to help you, so if you smell something fantastic pressed against you just relax.
Remember, accuracy is different than precision. I can explain the difference if you roll up your sleeves so I can gently stroke your inner arm.
TORCHWOOD STAFF, I see you peering at me hauling out all these guns. You can't get out of this one either. Just because we shoot things in the face every week doesn't mean you don't need to be harder, better, faster, stronger.
GOT YOUR WEAPON?
OKAY. BE GUIDED BY MY VOICE. BANG! BANG IT HARD!
Yrs helpfully,
Cpt. Jack Harkness