boy drama: rene vs crim; rene vs self
so, everyone who said or thought anything along the lines of "he'll see how terrible she is and he'll regret giving you up because you are awesome".... YOU ARE SO RIGHT AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
so yesterday, rene wakes me up (at noon) and says, "want to go to the library and the bank?" and i say, "of course." so he takes me to garden of the gods, and we sit and Talk.
he says things like, "that, what i was doing over the last six months, that wasn't me," and "i don't know what i'm doing anymore. i fucked up real bad," and "i was sad, i wasn't happy, and i thought it was because of you, i didn't know what it was, so i was looking for somethign to blame and i was wrong, it wasn't you" and "seriously, if we got back together, the very next day i would take you to the courthouse and marry you." and, well... he did fuck up. and he wasn't really acting like himself. and there is a lot of shit going on with him (no job, mom dying, etc). so... it is plausible.
also (at GotG and later): this crim chick is nuckin' futs. even if they were thinking of getting together (she, btw, did ask rene if he wanted to get together with her. so they could both "get over" their just-past relationships. rene said, "no, let's not rebound (and btw secretly i want to get back with madison)." crim thought about it and agreed, and is now trying to get a room with a few other friends of hers. SWEET) for one thing: wiccan. i was wiccan, yes. but i never and i would never put a curse on an ex-boyfriend. especially in someone else's house. that's just rude. (also, when rene was telling me about that she'd done that, i saw one magpie fly over us. no more than one. british people: one for what? sorrow! yes! and i failed to say "hello, mr. magpie," too, so bad luck all around.) plus, various *cough* "spiritual" experiences--demon hands coming up out of the ground and grabbing her; nightmares; a visit from lucifer ("not satan, but lucifer, his son." NO REALLY) and "i can't sleep with socks on because when i wake up they're not on my feet and i didn't take them off."
yyyyeah. also, i am not the only one who gets enrageful when hearing her voice. see, it was mostly, for me, because she's Stolen My Man, but also? she's a really annoying person. all of us in this house like using few words, like quiet, like non-loud, shrieky laughter. she doesn't have that. she does not stop talking. ever. you can literally have a conversation with someone else in front of her and she will just keep talking. or singing a song to herself. also, if you touch her--as in tickling, tapping her shoulder to get her attention, etc--she screams. like a monster's come up behind her. (ask me what reminded me of this just now.) just lots of very strange things. strange and annoying things.
anyway. so. back to rene's new "omg i was a dick, you're right, i'm sorry, are we back together now?"
no. we're not. i'm not going to be the girl that goes back to her guy just because he was crying. i do believe him, and for the past few days, he's been making a big effort to be super-nice to me. (even bought me a book.) so, i told him this: what i wanted most of all when you and i were together was a friend. my belief is that when two people are Together, they should be best friends. so: be my friend. show me you can do it. show me for a while, so i know that you aren't going to revert to dickness. (also, secretly, to sort of punish him for the dickness. not a nice thing to do but i am a vengeful god sometimes.) ALSO i want to make sure that he's not just trying to get some sex. (i told him this, too: if we get back together and you start being a dick again, i am breaking up with you again and i am NEVER getting back together with you no matter what you say.) after i feel it's been proven that he's not rebounding from me to me, and after crim is gone (i'm still moving out btw. he and i could never have broken up and i would still not like living with this girl) i might consider getting back together with him. at this, he was overjoyed. and now we can both bitch about crim when she's not in the room. (for those who wonder what his mom thinks of all this: she thinks crim is a bit off, too. whenever we're all together and crim leaves the room, we engage in a collective "omg eyeroll wtf" session.)
interesting note here: i have this idea that rene's brain might not produce the right amount of anandamide or something similar. see, since we've been here he has not smoked weed. except for the couple of days after crim got here (it's gone now and they have no way to get more btw). also, since we've been here, he's been kind of a dick. and only realized that he was doing so after he smoked some weed. so, maybe coincidence, maybe brain chemicals. the sort of "general sadness" that he was describing does sound like a brain imbalance, but we'll never know for sure. unless of course he starts being a dick again later, after not smoking for a while, and then the process repeats.
so yes. the situation has become rather happier. the only thing that is getting annoying (besides crim) is that every few hours, rene will ask me, "has it been long enough yet? have i proven it? are we back together now?" and i have to tell him, "NO."
so yesterday, rene wakes me up (at noon) and says, "want to go to the library and the bank?" and i say, "of course." so he takes me to garden of the gods, and we sit and Talk.
he says things like, "that, what i was doing over the last six months, that wasn't me," and "i don't know what i'm doing anymore. i fucked up real bad," and "i was sad, i wasn't happy, and i thought it was because of you, i didn't know what it was, so i was looking for somethign to blame and i was wrong, it wasn't you" and "seriously, if we got back together, the very next day i would take you to the courthouse and marry you." and, well... he did fuck up. and he wasn't really acting like himself. and there is a lot of shit going on with him (no job, mom dying, etc). so... it is plausible.
also (at GotG and later): this crim chick is nuckin' futs. even if they were thinking of getting together (she, btw, did ask rene if he wanted to get together with her. so they could both "get over" their just-past relationships. rene said, "no, let's not rebound (and btw secretly i want to get back with madison)." crim thought about it and agreed, and is now trying to get a room with a few other friends of hers. SWEET) for one thing: wiccan. i was wiccan, yes. but i never and i would never put a curse on an ex-boyfriend. especially in someone else's house. that's just rude. (also, when rene was telling me about that she'd done that, i saw one magpie fly over us. no more than one. british people: one for what? sorrow! yes! and i failed to say "hello, mr. magpie," too, so bad luck all around.) plus, various *cough* "spiritual" experiences--demon hands coming up out of the ground and grabbing her; nightmares; a visit from lucifer ("not satan, but lucifer, his son." NO REALLY) and "i can't sleep with socks on because when i wake up they're not on my feet and i didn't take them off."
yyyyeah. also, i am not the only one who gets enrageful when hearing her voice. see, it was mostly, for me, because she's Stolen My Man, but also? she's a really annoying person. all of us in this house like using few words, like quiet, like non-loud, shrieky laughter. she doesn't have that. she does not stop talking. ever. you can literally have a conversation with someone else in front of her and she will just keep talking. or singing a song to herself. also, if you touch her--as in tickling, tapping her shoulder to get her attention, etc--she screams. like a monster's come up behind her. (ask me what reminded me of this just now.) just lots of very strange things. strange and annoying things.
anyway. so. back to rene's new "omg i was a dick, you're right, i'm sorry, are we back together now?"
no. we're not. i'm not going to be the girl that goes back to her guy just because he was crying. i do believe him, and for the past few days, he's been making a big effort to be super-nice to me. (even bought me a book.) so, i told him this: what i wanted most of all when you and i were together was a friend. my belief is that when two people are Together, they should be best friends. so: be my friend. show me you can do it. show me for a while, so i know that you aren't going to revert to dickness. (also, secretly, to sort of punish him for the dickness. not a nice thing to do but i am a vengeful god sometimes.) ALSO i want to make sure that he's not just trying to get some sex. (i told him this, too: if we get back together and you start being a dick again, i am breaking up with you again and i am NEVER getting back together with you no matter what you say.) after i feel it's been proven that he's not rebounding from me to me, and after crim is gone (i'm still moving out btw. he and i could never have broken up and i would still not like living with this girl) i might consider getting back together with him. at this, he was overjoyed. and now we can both bitch about crim when she's not in the room. (for those who wonder what his mom thinks of all this: she thinks crim is a bit off, too. whenever we're all together and crim leaves the room, we engage in a collective "omg eyeroll wtf" session.)
interesting note here: i have this idea that rene's brain might not produce the right amount of anandamide or something similar. see, since we've been here he has not smoked weed. except for the couple of days after crim got here (it's gone now and they have no way to get more btw). also, since we've been here, he's been kind of a dick. and only realized that he was doing so after he smoked some weed. so, maybe coincidence, maybe brain chemicals. the sort of "general sadness" that he was describing does sound like a brain imbalance, but we'll never know for sure. unless of course he starts being a dick again later, after not smoking for a while, and then the process repeats.
so yes. the situation has become rather happier. the only thing that is getting annoying (besides crim) is that every few hours, rene will ask me, "has it been long enough yet? have i proven it? are we back together now?" and i have to tell him, "NO."