(no subject)
I don't normally write on moral or religious subjects, but something happened recently to a good friend of mine that really has me thinking, not only about the morality of the incident, but of the degeneration of morals in general in today's society. Just don't ask me for names, because you won't get them!
It's a sad situation that, in today's society, is far too common. A man, for whatever reason, decides to have an affair, an affair that goes on for a number of years. Close to the time of his death, knowing he is nearing the end, he comes clean about it to his wife and daughters. And then, to make matters more difficult for the family, the mistress and HER daughters not only come to the funeral but have the nerve to suggest they are "part of the family" and want to stay in touch. To add insult to injury, they are now claiming they are owed some part of this man's small estate, that he promised them money and a car.
I have even seen this issue in my own family. My mother and grandmother got into an argument a while back because my mom didn't approve of her divorced sister having a romantic relationship with a married man. My grandmother thought Mom was being a judgmental busybody.
This disturbs me on so many levels. First of all, I find it troublesome that the affair happened in the first place. And, yet, that seems to be the way the world works today. Extramarital sexual relations are prevalent. People talk casually about teens having sex, about having casual sex with people you have only just met. As though it is okay to share your body with anyone and everyone out there. Sex, something that was at one time a very special sharing between husband and wife, is becoming a casual commodity, something to be shared freely. The true intent, as a very intimate sharing between husband and wife and a mode of procreation, is minimized in favor of one's personal pleasure. A sacred act has been cheapened into an every-day occurrence. And the results of that act, the precious children who should be blessed and cherished, are destroyed in the name of "sexual freedom".
The Bible clearly says, "Thou shalt not commit Adultery." I looked that word up once, wondering if maybe people in religious circles were reading more into it than God intended. The dictionary definition of adultery is "any sexual relation outside of marriage". It doesn't qualify, doesn't say "it's only adultery if both parties are already married to someone else". It doesn't clarify anything. Which means that according to the dictionary, two single people having sex IS adultery. Two married people having a sexual relationship "on the side" are still committing adultery. And No matter how you justify it, having sexual relations with a married man (even if you are a single woman) is STILL adultery.
I had an experience, myself, a while back that really drove home to me how far this whole cheapening of procreation has come. I was at a restaurant, having a "Mommy's night out", and struck up a conversation with the gentleman at the table next to me. We were having what was, to me, a very nice conversation when he decided to try and take things a step further. He suggested, despite the fact that we had conversed about my opinions of adultery earlier on, that we should take a walk together to a nearby park and spend a few hours alone together. He was planning on meeting his girlfriend later and still felt okay suggesting an intimate stroll in the park with a married woman he barely knew. And, oddly, he seemed surprised and offended when I told him (in no uncertain terms and with autistic bluntness) that I was only talking to him to pass the time and had no interest in any more a relationship than that. It's not that I didn't find him attractive, it's not that he wasn't a nice man, but I made a vow to my husband and to God that I would be faithful to the ONE man I married.
And that is another thing people don't think about. My church has some differences in our beliefs of marriage, specifically that a person, when married in the Holy Temple, can be married to their spouse for Time and for All Eternity, but the sacredness of marriage is something that doesn't change regardless of religion. Even secular marriage ceremonies mention God in them. Regardless of whether you are married "till death do us part" or "for Time and for All Eternity", you are making a solemn and sacred covenant ... with your spouse AND with God. In speaking of the marriage of Adam and Eve, the bible states that the two "became one". This suggests the idea that a couple, once joined, was not intended to be parted. Later scriptures hint at the idea that, though divorce was allowed according to Mosaic law, it was not a complete dissolution of that covenant between husband, wife, and God. There is a reason that churches, up to a certain point, didn't accept divorce as a possibility. Now I am not saying that there are not times when divorce isn't necessary. Because there are. But divorce, like sex, has become far too common a thing. People marry, assuming that they can always divorce if it doesn't work out. People marry in haste, thinking the feelings of lust that overpower them are truly love, are surprised when that lust cools down after a time, and figure that it wasn't meant to be because they "fell out of love" with each other so easily. Yet, truthfully, they were never in love to begin with. And that is the real danger behind the casual use of sex in today's society ...
There are two kinds of "love" that people think of when they think of someone of the opposite gender. The best kind, of course, is the true, abiding love that a couple feels when they have truly taken the time to get to know each other. This is the kind of love that lasts, that gets stronger, despite any and all attempts by life, children, and Satan to disrupt it. This is the kind of love that results in couples who have been married 10 years or more who still hold hands and act like newlyweds. This is the kind of love that ensures that a man married 10 years will continue loving his wife, loving her more than he ever thought possible, despite the tendency of time and children to change her body and her figure in ways that would have turned him away from her when he was a teen. This is the kind of love that takes WORK. It doesn't just happen. It is as strong as it is, as precious as it is, because of the time and effort a couple has put INTO it. And it only stays as strong as it is, only continues to grow, as long as the couple continues to put work into it. It's like a houseplant, it thrives when cared for, dies when ignored.
Unfortunately this kind of love is becoming more and more rare in today's society. Rare because the old standards of courtship, the courtship behaviors that required a couple to truly get to know each other, are long gone. Gone are the courtship lamps that Daddy filled and lit according to his esteem of the suitor. Gone are the supervised visits and standards of behavior that ensured that a couple remain pure till marriage. It is not uncommon for a couple to end up in bed on their first encounter with one another. The problem with such trends is this ... physical love, what is more accurately termed lust, is a VERY powerful thing. Powerful enough that it overshadows everything else. It is virtually impossible to develop true, unconditional, abiding love for your partner if the only thing you are aware of is your desire for that person's body. It's a strong temptation for a reason, It needs to be to ensure its purpose of increasing the population. Procreation is, after all, the main reason sexual relations exist. But a couple needs far more than a physical attraction to one another in order for a relationship to thrive. Being physically attracted to someone is easy. Loving someone, despite quirks and faults, is not. And the cases of divorce that I am aware of always end up being because of one of two things. Either the couple never had that true, abiding love to begin with, or they became so wrapped up in life that they forgot to nurture that love they once had and some part of it was lost. When that love is lost, the lust takes over. And when lust is allowed to take over, often the parties involved end up looking elsewhere for their "satisfaction", assuming the other person no longer cares. And, in the end, it really doesn't make anyone happy. In fact, as with my friend, the only real product of giving in to one's lust is a whole lot of raw feelings and betrayed loved ones.
So, really, isn't it worth the work and the wait to find true, abiding love and leave the lust for the honeymoon suite? I know one thing ... I certainly don't regret waiting.
It's a sad situation that, in today's society, is far too common. A man, for whatever reason, decides to have an affair, an affair that goes on for a number of years. Close to the time of his death, knowing he is nearing the end, he comes clean about it to his wife and daughters. And then, to make matters more difficult for the family, the mistress and HER daughters not only come to the funeral but have the nerve to suggest they are "part of the family" and want to stay in touch. To add insult to injury, they are now claiming they are owed some part of this man's small estate, that he promised them money and a car.
I have even seen this issue in my own family. My mother and grandmother got into an argument a while back because my mom didn't approve of her divorced sister having a romantic relationship with a married man. My grandmother thought Mom was being a judgmental busybody.
This disturbs me on so many levels. First of all, I find it troublesome that the affair happened in the first place. And, yet, that seems to be the way the world works today. Extramarital sexual relations are prevalent. People talk casually about teens having sex, about having casual sex with people you have only just met. As though it is okay to share your body with anyone and everyone out there. Sex, something that was at one time a very special sharing between husband and wife, is becoming a casual commodity, something to be shared freely. The true intent, as a very intimate sharing between husband and wife and a mode of procreation, is minimized in favor of one's personal pleasure. A sacred act has been cheapened into an every-day occurrence. And the results of that act, the precious children who should be blessed and cherished, are destroyed in the name of "sexual freedom".
The Bible clearly says, "Thou shalt not commit Adultery." I looked that word up once, wondering if maybe people in religious circles were reading more into it than God intended. The dictionary definition of adultery is "any sexual relation outside of marriage". It doesn't qualify, doesn't say "it's only adultery if both parties are already married to someone else". It doesn't clarify anything. Which means that according to the dictionary, two single people having sex IS adultery. Two married people having a sexual relationship "on the side" are still committing adultery. And No matter how you justify it, having sexual relations with a married man (even if you are a single woman) is STILL adultery.
I had an experience, myself, a while back that really drove home to me how far this whole cheapening of procreation has come. I was at a restaurant, having a "Mommy's night out", and struck up a conversation with the gentleman at the table next to me. We were having what was, to me, a very nice conversation when he decided to try and take things a step further. He suggested, despite the fact that we had conversed about my opinions of adultery earlier on, that we should take a walk together to a nearby park and spend a few hours alone together. He was planning on meeting his girlfriend later and still felt okay suggesting an intimate stroll in the park with a married woman he barely knew. And, oddly, he seemed surprised and offended when I told him (in no uncertain terms and with autistic bluntness) that I was only talking to him to pass the time and had no interest in any more a relationship than that. It's not that I didn't find him attractive, it's not that he wasn't a nice man, but I made a vow to my husband and to God that I would be faithful to the ONE man I married.
And that is another thing people don't think about. My church has some differences in our beliefs of marriage, specifically that a person, when married in the Holy Temple, can be married to their spouse for Time and for All Eternity, but the sacredness of marriage is something that doesn't change regardless of religion. Even secular marriage ceremonies mention God in them. Regardless of whether you are married "till death do us part" or "for Time and for All Eternity", you are making a solemn and sacred covenant ... with your spouse AND with God. In speaking of the marriage of Adam and Eve, the bible states that the two "became one". This suggests the idea that a couple, once joined, was not intended to be parted. Later scriptures hint at the idea that, though divorce was allowed according to Mosaic law, it was not a complete dissolution of that covenant between husband, wife, and God. There is a reason that churches, up to a certain point, didn't accept divorce as a possibility. Now I am not saying that there are not times when divorce isn't necessary. Because there are. But divorce, like sex, has become far too common a thing. People marry, assuming that they can always divorce if it doesn't work out. People marry in haste, thinking the feelings of lust that overpower them are truly love, are surprised when that lust cools down after a time, and figure that it wasn't meant to be because they "fell out of love" with each other so easily. Yet, truthfully, they were never in love to begin with. And that is the real danger behind the casual use of sex in today's society ...
There are two kinds of "love" that people think of when they think of someone of the opposite gender. The best kind, of course, is the true, abiding love that a couple feels when they have truly taken the time to get to know each other. This is the kind of love that lasts, that gets stronger, despite any and all attempts by life, children, and Satan to disrupt it. This is the kind of love that results in couples who have been married 10 years or more who still hold hands and act like newlyweds. This is the kind of love that ensures that a man married 10 years will continue loving his wife, loving her more than he ever thought possible, despite the tendency of time and children to change her body and her figure in ways that would have turned him away from her when he was a teen. This is the kind of love that takes WORK. It doesn't just happen. It is as strong as it is, as precious as it is, because of the time and effort a couple has put INTO it. And it only stays as strong as it is, only continues to grow, as long as the couple continues to put work into it. It's like a houseplant, it thrives when cared for, dies when ignored.
Unfortunately this kind of love is becoming more and more rare in today's society. Rare because the old standards of courtship, the courtship behaviors that required a couple to truly get to know each other, are long gone. Gone are the courtship lamps that Daddy filled and lit according to his esteem of the suitor. Gone are the supervised visits and standards of behavior that ensured that a couple remain pure till marriage. It is not uncommon for a couple to end up in bed on their first encounter with one another. The problem with such trends is this ... physical love, what is more accurately termed lust, is a VERY powerful thing. Powerful enough that it overshadows everything else. It is virtually impossible to develop true, unconditional, abiding love for your partner if the only thing you are aware of is your desire for that person's body. It's a strong temptation for a reason, It needs to be to ensure its purpose of increasing the population. Procreation is, after all, the main reason sexual relations exist. But a couple needs far more than a physical attraction to one another in order for a relationship to thrive. Being physically attracted to someone is easy. Loving someone, despite quirks and faults, is not. And the cases of divorce that I am aware of always end up being because of one of two things. Either the couple never had that true, abiding love to begin with, or they became so wrapped up in life that they forgot to nurture that love they once had and some part of it was lost. When that love is lost, the lust takes over. And when lust is allowed to take over, often the parties involved end up looking elsewhere for their "satisfaction", assuming the other person no longer cares. And, in the end, it really doesn't make anyone happy. In fact, as with my friend, the only real product of giving in to one's lust is a whole lot of raw feelings and betrayed loved ones.
So, really, isn't it worth the work and the wait to find true, abiding love and leave the lust for the honeymoon suite? I know one thing ... I certainly don't regret waiting.