7.01
Let me set the scene for you. It's Season Seven of that hallowed genre show, Supernatural. Surprisingly, we open back where we were at! And where we were at is apparently Sam lowering himself to the floor in supplication like a giraffe trying to drink from a watering hole.
it's all tres tense
Oh, is Sam having a nosebleed again?
I love that nosebleeds have become this like, all purpose signifier that something is wrong for Sam. I imagine that sometimes Dean pours Ranch all over Sam's salad and his nose starts streaming blood onto the plate.
face on fire! haha, his face was totally on fire guys. That's what I have learned from this episode. To be fair, whenever Sam shows extreme effort it's always a tiny bit funny. He is apparently just full of 'buh' noises waiting to escape
Adorable nose crinkle!
...Dead dude!
total lol as the camera pulls out to reveal a, like, fractal of dead angels hahaha
spl-TITLE!
Got to admit, not quite as super classy as last season's title, guys. Maybe less spooge noises would have helped that.
Mmmmmmass on table
what
sorry
Dean and Sam were having a moment or something
Okay.
"Wow! I'm fine!" - Sam Winchester. Oh shit, Sam is so not fine, haha. His face looks like a cross between a guilty animal and a wasting skull. He is having so many problems it's not even true. Rubbing my hands toether right now.
Did Supernatural just take the piss out of Lady Gaga jokes? I think it did. Yesss. So there you go, saying the word Lady Gaga is no longer in itself a joke that means you're 'hip with the times'
what though
just.
did Castiel just enter Schmestboro Schmaptist Schmurch and play the homophobes are gay trope and kill someone? Hahahaha.
And then he replaces Jesus on the windows with himself? What the even fuck. To be honest I am not even feeling many feelings so far this epsiode because everything is so silly. In an ace way, of course, because it's Supernatural. I guess I just want more Sam and Dean clinging onto each other like the tiny lost monkeys on a rock flying through space that they are
Sam Sam Sam. Monkey wrench! Sam with monkey wrench. Sam.
But suddenly!
Red lights! Too much industrial chic! all evidence is leading to the conclusion that
HELL IS A CLUB
NOT THE STROBE LIGHTS LUCIFER!! PLEASE NOT THE STROBES
aaaaahhh too many club drugs sam!
you have entered the k-hole!
That or a brothel. 6.22 explained: SAM WAS ACTUALLY A HOOKER IN HELL, OH FUCK.
On a more serious note I am slightly disappointed that it is no longer at all possible to even fanwank the cage as being anything more interesting than red acetate filters on all the lights and jangly chains and hot pokers. Shucks.
OH NO. oh no. someone has put tiny lumps of Sam on a million meathooks. Presumably? And now Sam is gesturing with a monkey wrench. Not looking good for you here, babe.
"He was young and... and sexy." Oh Schmestboro Schmaptist, we could be together forever if you weren't so ragingly heterosexual and religious. Go get it gal.
Wait. Wait. Dean is dressed as. Fireman Sam? I just had some sort of childhood tv flashback.
I'm loving the slow pan here. Crowley. Crrrrroowwwwwwwwwllleyyyy. I'm happy now. If nothing much else happens this episode, I'm happy with Crowley in his little proofed-up caravan with his slippers and whiskey and Nancy Sinatra.
Boom castiel
oh shit man. Crowley's dead. Well, it was great while it lasted.
"Bollocks." - Crowley.
And when he gets into his 'preparing to be exploded' pose! This scene was the best thing in this episode yet. So snappy! So actually funny! So neat! For some reason scenes with Crowley in always seem to get the extra style.
And then Castiel's wrist says it's Freckle O'Clock and time for him to go.
Um what
okay, what's the best about this hallucination is that it's so surreal
what's second most hilarious is that EVEN SAM'S HALLUCINATIONS THROTTLE HIM
One day I am actually going to make a list of all the things Sam Winchester has been throttled by and it will include 'a lamp' and 'his own mind'.
Awww nice acting in this scene Jensen Ackles it is true that as a member of Supernatural you are required to get kicked hard in the groin by life twice every half-episode. Also Dean's face here is a symphony in F for Fucking crazy mad handsome. High five, lighting team.
Costume team, you could do better. I am getting weird unwanted humongous lego people-type flashbacks with those overalls. You know those movies where toys came to life and they were Robin Williams? Possibly a mishmash of different films and television shows I have going here, but MY POINT STILL STANDS.
Also there is a certain awkwardness to Sam that says to me he is CONSTANTLY HAVING TO PREVENT HIMSELF THINKING ABOUT CAGETIME. ALWAYS.
lolololol Castiel has Lucifer Face Problems. There's probably some meta to be had about that parallel somewhere. But not really here. /Dohoho Castiel has spiritual impetigo. Also I find it interesting that in SPNverse 'God' appears to be a Pokemon-style evolution. Yes! You have levelled up to 'god'.
Oh wow now he has some sort of purgatory chestburster thing going on?
Grosssssss
"chmnoof!" - poor people tied up by dean. I want the story on Dr. and Mrs. Weiss, fandom, don't disappoint me.
Oh dude though, how great is it that God Cas hates repubilcans and that his like two 'righteous' tasks are apparently to cure lepers and smite Schmichschmelle Schmachmann. Also there is a sense of pride and slight, creeping self-cultural alienation that I recognised who everyone was meant to be.
SAM THINKS HE'S STILL IN THE CAGE!!! BROUGHT TO YOU BY A THOUSAND FANFICS.
This scene and the Crowley one are probably my favourites of the episode. Lucifer is so creepy with his face all clean and radiant like that. HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT IN THE CAGE, SAM~~~??? Sam: 'Buh!' Allllll my dreams come true.
UH. Dean though. Dean. Please go after Sam at a slightly higher than 'chillaxed' rate of knots????
WHPSSSSHHHH *bobby thrown into clattery things* WHAPSSSHHHH *dean thrown into clattery things*
So campy. And so. So good.
Can't even wait for Misha Collins being Leviathan though. I can actually feel his glee through the screen at the opportunity to do facial expressions.
Hahahaha these high tension endings are killing me Supernatural.
As a whole, I was left a little lukewarm. But I did like individual things about this episode a lot! And then I watched it again and liked it better. Brought to you by: my opinions
* The 'schm' means you can't sue them.