(no subject)
Tonight went really well. She didn't end up with any injuries, her class seems to have understood the recipe and the Q&A at the end was filled with insightful questions. She swings her SUV into her garage and parks it; making quick work of grabbing her purse and keys, she exits and walks the short distance between the two houses. She has the next two days off, which is plenty of time to get her house ready for Katie's party on Saturday. Walking up to the front door of the Smiths' house Annika rings the bell. Sliding her purse up higher, she grins when Roxy opens the door.
“Hi, Roxy," Annika says as she steps into the foyer, "How was she?"
“She was an absolute angel like always." Roxy replies, clearly nervous. “
“Roxy, are you okay?" Annika asks, concern lacing her voice.
“Me? Oh, I'm fine, just fine." Roxy speaks too quickly. "Katie's in the den." With a nod, Annika makes her way through the foyer, kitchen and small hallway before reaching the closed den door. “
“That's odd." Annika mutters to herself. The den door was usually never closed. Opening up the door, she steps through and the world stops.
Alex looks up, from where Katie was curled up on the couch, and his face changes in a second. "Honey, could you give us a few moments, please?" he murmurs down in Katie's ear.
The blood is rushing through her ears, her heart is beating faster and all she could think about is the fact that he was here. "What are you doing here?" Annika blurts out.
"Katie?" Alex's voice is steady, his eyes fixed on Annika's.
There were two things she could do: tell the truth or lie through her teeth. "Yes." Annika makes her way over to her daughter and picks her up. This however brought her into closer contact with Alex. "I didn't know."
"Annika, I really think we should talk without Katie present..." Alex's voice, though even and steady still, has frustration creeping up underneath.
While Alex may have been even and steady, Annika's panicking, wondering if Alex knows then there's a good chance that Steve knows and that's one of the last things she wants to happen. Because of that chance of Steve knowing, Annika doesn't want to have Katie leave her line of sight. "No." she says a bit breathlessly.
Alex looks at her then, his jaw working, before getting up and leaving the room. He goes out into the backyard, has to hang onto the railing of the porch to keep steady--to keep from yelling, from shaking, from falling apart. His heart's pounding like it's fighting to stay alive and he can't even begin to breathe.
“What are we going to do Katertots?" Annika softly asks her daughter, only to discover that Katie's fallen asleep. Indecision is warring within her; Katie needs to get to bed but yet the view of Alex that she can see from the window is tugging at her heartstrings. Sighing she makes her way into the kitchen where Noah's sipping a cup of coffee and watching Alex.
"Can you take her?" With a nod, he takes Katie from her and gives her a slight squeeze on the shoulder before exiting. Watching Alex holding onto the porch, viewing his shoulders and realizing his outline, she opens the porch door and steps out onto the porch, silently.
He turns around at the noise, thinking it's Roxy or Noah, and sees her standing in the doorway. She's glowing, her cheeks flushed from the wind outside and her hair everywhere, and his heart stutters and freezes up. He holds onto the railing with one hand, almost for dear life, and just stares and can't say a word.
It's been a long two years and there wasn't a day that didn't go by that she didn't think about him. So in this unguarded moment, she drinks Alex in. He's skinnier than the last time she saw him, a few more lines in his face. Wrapping her arms around herself, she lets out a question that's almost too quiet. "How?"
"Roxy and Noah told me," Alex says simply. "Jenna passed it along and dragged me down here. She's in there with them..."
"Who else knows?" Annika lets out through the lump in her throat. She can't believe that Roxy and Noah did this. They deliberately went behind her back and told him.
"Nobody. I didn't tell anybody at the office." Alex's face closes off, and he looks away. Something in his chest hurts, hard. "Annika--why?"
“I can't te--you know what? Never mind. I'm just going to get Katie." She hooks a thumb behind her and makes to leave. Then, she turns around abruptly. "Did you tell anyone who wasn't at the office?"
Wait. Wait. "You're just going to leave? Like that?" Alex's voice rises.
"How else am I supposed to leave?" Annika retorts back, fingers slipping into her jeans pockets. It's mainly to hide the slightly shakiness in them from him. "My daughter needs to go to bed." The sentence is slightly acidic and bitter. Maybe if she can argue him out of it, maybe he'll leave and then maybe she doesn't have to hurt him.
"She's my daughter too!" Alex yells then, actually roaring for the first time since they've met, anger flaring up white-hot. "You think I didn't have a right to know?"
With that, her own temper's roused and she lets out, " I wanted to tell you! I had a reason!"
"But what?" Alex snaps back.
The word are barely out of her mouth before she snaps her mouth shut and clenches her fingers together in her pockets. "I can't--" and here she curses herself for letting herself tear up. "I need to take care of Katie."
Alex wants to run and slam the door, wants to force the answer out of her, and wants to touch her so badly he aches with it. But he stays where he is, and speaks in a low voice. "Annika, I can't do this anymore. I can't not know. I came all the way down from New York to see you, to see our child, and I love you, I want you by my side, I want to get to know my daughter. If you still want me here, you say so. Otherwise, I walk. It's that simple."
With those few sentences, the tears that were pooling begin falling. Closing her eyes and audibly swallowing a few times, she looks over his shoulder at a distant point. It's now or never. "I was trying to protect you."
"From what?" Alex won't let her look away.
“From everyone." She bites her lip after telling him that. Even after promising herself, she still can’t tell him.
"It wouldn't have mattered. I don't care what people think." He shakes his head, a bit bewildered and lost.
“This one you would have." Annika says quietly and goes to sit down on one of the patio chairs. The weather's getting to be too chilly to sit out and she's been meaning to help Noah take them in. "I just wanted to protect you."
"Annika, I don't need protection..." He doesn't get this, what is she talking about?
Flashbacks from that night are running through her memory, particularly gripping are the ones after she woke up, with the blood dripping down her neck. Her hand goes to her neck, her fingers scraping down the nearly invisible scar left from Steve. Annika nods silently, the lump in her throat too large to pass words through.
Something cold is crawling up Alex's spine. "I don't--Annika..." He edges closer to her, his hands in his pockets. "Cariad, what happened?"
The thought runs through her head, not for the first time tonight, that this is not playing out how she thought or wanted it. “I-I can’t.” she says, standing up and backing up until she reaches the patio door. It had taken Annika two years to not be as afraid and in five minutes, Alex had reversed that. Turning around quickly, she opens the door and steps inside. Right now, her goal is to find Katie and get her home. After that, she’s not certain. Just that a phone call to Elliot is in order.
"Annika, wait--" Alex follows her, to get the screen door slammed in his face, and vents his frustration in spitting curses. He yanks at the handle, then lets the door close again and paces around the porch, shoulders hunched up, storming off down through the backyard towards the gate.
Roxy, Noah, and Mark are watching somewhat shamefully from the kitchen window at the unfolding drama. Annika gets halfway to the foyer before she spins around and levels them all with a look.
But for Roxy, it’s the hurt in Annika’s eyes and voice that completely breaks her.
“How could you!?” Annika lets out in a snap, “Roxy, you know why I came here…” it’s here that Annika reaches her breaking point. Tears begin to run down her face as she takes shuddering breaths.
“Katie’s upstairs.” Noah lets out softly. Spinning around, Annika walks out of the kitchen and moments later the three hear the front door shut. Loudly.
Annika barely remembers to grab Wednesday out of the house before leaving. Jenna starts to speak but Annika levels that idea with a glare. Quickly walking across the two yards, she let Wednesday inside the house, where the dog went to the room facing the front yard and lay down in the last dredges of sunshine. By now Katie is asleep and Annika’s so emotionally tired that she doesn’t know if she has the energy to put Katie in her crib.
Summoning the strength, she walks up the steps and into the nursery. The princess pink of the walls mocks her as she changes Katie and lays her down in her crib. It’s almost as if it’s saying that she has no right to be sad in this room.
Fate, or something like it, has her eyes land on the picture of her and Alex and Annika knows that she has to get out of that room before she wakes up Katie. Closing the door, Annika makes it to her room barely in time before she collapses onto the bed and starts weeping.