grow is to old as drift is to apart
Sitting here, listening to a melodic acoustic guitar with simple lyrics and clarity, I hear the faint sound of voices screaming and instruments clanging against one another to form some sort of song from the speakers of Taylor's computer... it just another constant reminder of how different we have grown to be.
My dream last night was so disturbing.
You spend your whole life finding someone with whom your compatible with, but can't help like you've made a mistake. You know you're wrong, so wrong, because this person is the everything to your everything. This person's love is unconditional. Morning to night, sick to well, they'll love you even if you didn't have those perfect toes. And it's all reciprocal, kind of.
There isn't anyone like this. The odds are too small. The fear of being alone again--and I'm just not strong enough. Not yet.
But when will I find my strength? When I'm 40, married with two kids, and living in that big house in Richmond?
I don't give up... but why wont you give up on me already? The easier way out is if you didn't love so much.
Before you, I was this town's greatest fuck up. An emotional wreck, an unfaithful companion, a persistent liar... you changed all of this. You saw past all the bad, and showed me all the good. The potential. You gave me confidence from what seemed like thin air. In four short years, you shaped me into a new person. A good wholesome person, with values and a purpose.
If there is so much good, then why do I feel like I need to be alone?
I just feel so fucking trapped. Love vs. freedom. Happiness vs. loneliness.
You told me to find you a present for christmas that was from the heart, and I didn't know what you meant. nothing came to mind. Where the hell did my heart go for you? This doesn't make any sense. Soulmates + unbelievable happiness (should)= forever love.
i don't get it.