twice the 7 most mediocre minutes of my life... with cigarette breaks.
Play-by-play of Dani's day (woah, that rhymed):
First period today, I almost cried. Then I decided that I should probably finish my test first and cry later. I finished my test 7 seconds before the bell rang.
Second period today, I pushed myself into my pot. I didn't talk, I didn't think about anything but the pot that I was working on. I finished it. I must say, it seems fan-fucking-tastic... but I don't know if that's true. I've spent a lot of time of late convincing myself that everything is perfect and that I'm not stressed and that I can handle it all... But Ceramics makes me actually feel better.
Third period today I took a test and drew (class project), and my two friends in that class were conveniently missing, so I kindof just held it in and finished my work. One of those moments, ya know.
Fourth period went surprisingly well. I dragged myself into the locker room and changed when I really could have just commited suicide with the lock on my PE locker, and I'm very proud of myself for that. I ended up completely forgetting about everything for a while. Freshman will do that to you. I don't share with them details about my life in general, the little I've mentioned seemed a bit too complex for them (i'm not even boasting about that... ignorance is bliss, I guess), so we talk about theirs, and I forget my problems. Back in the locker room after class, we talked about how I've kissed the older brothers of two of the girls I talk to most in PE. It was funny. One of them was horrified, the other thought that it was hillarious that she was so wierded out by it.
During lunch, I was really stressed. I ran into #2 and we played magic, and that dragged off my depression for about 20 minutes. kicking and screaming. I got two phone calls during the game that made it push it's way back. Walking to my locker before class, being jostled and pushed and squished through the mass of people in the main hall, I got this violent overwhelming feeling of intense hate for everything around me. for people, for high school, for the pointless banter of people who have nothing better to say. I wanted to rip off the heads of everyone within arms reach. Instead I pushed my way into the nearest bathroom and caught my breath. I think hate could possibly be the most exhausting emotion...ever.
Fifth period I actually cried. it was strained and heald back because I couldn't leave class, but I finally got something out. But for all the good it does, I felt twice as bad the next period.
Sixth I just sort of sat in my corner and hated eferyone else in the class and felt bad for the teacher... like most days. No more than three students in that class have any respect for themselves, for the teacher, for each other, for any part of the fucking class. Sometimes I yell to get them to shut up. Others I just try to ignore them.
But that wasn't the end of it. I went to the card shop after school to get a card that I wanted and wouldn't have time to get for a while. Max coincidentally showed up, and we talked and hugged and talked and... hugged. That pretty much made my day. I really needed hugs. Max is definitely the second best person to go to for hugs if ever I need them. (Sorry Max, no one is allowed to top my man in the hugging department. lol.)
So I got home half an hour before I had to go babysit, did my chores, and just as i was finishing, my mom came and reprimanding me for not being home right after school. So even though I finished my chores, which was why she wanted me to come home early, I still got grounded and largely reprimanded. I came to Emony's house close to tears again, and that kid definitely didn't help. I had a pressure headache and she was bouncing off the walls and kicking things and jumping on me and wouldn't listen... it took me almost an hour to get her to bed because she was literally kicking and screaming. at one point i set her down on her bed next to her PJs because she wouldn't do anything but scream at me (trust me, I'm not exaggerating at all), closed her door, went downstairs, and waited. I felt horrible, but I don't know how to deal with that, at some point I thought I might just give up and start crying right in front of her. So, eventually she stopped and came downstairs and we talked and I got her to get ready for bed. But I really can't do that every night, I've had to do the same thing the last two times I've watched her, and I can't handle it. Heh, any suggestions would be welcome.
To top it off, I haven't seen Conor in a week and won't see him again for probably another week, and I miss him. A lot. The end.
First period today, I almost cried. Then I decided that I should probably finish my test first and cry later. I finished my test 7 seconds before the bell rang.
Second period today, I pushed myself into my pot. I didn't talk, I didn't think about anything but the pot that I was working on. I finished it. I must say, it seems fan-fucking-tastic... but I don't know if that's true. I've spent a lot of time of late convincing myself that everything is perfect and that I'm not stressed and that I can handle it all... But Ceramics makes me actually feel better.
Third period today I took a test and drew (class project), and my two friends in that class were conveniently missing, so I kindof just held it in and finished my work. One of those moments, ya know.
Fourth period went surprisingly well. I dragged myself into the locker room and changed when I really could have just commited suicide with the lock on my PE locker, and I'm very proud of myself for that. I ended up completely forgetting about everything for a while. Freshman will do that to you. I don't share with them details about my life in general, the little I've mentioned seemed a bit too complex for them (i'm not even boasting about that... ignorance is bliss, I guess), so we talk about theirs, and I forget my problems. Back in the locker room after class, we talked about how I've kissed the older brothers of two of the girls I talk to most in PE. It was funny. One of them was horrified, the other thought that it was hillarious that she was so wierded out by it.
During lunch, I was really stressed. I ran into #2 and we played magic, and that dragged off my depression for about 20 minutes. kicking and screaming. I got two phone calls during the game that made it push it's way back. Walking to my locker before class, being jostled and pushed and squished through the mass of people in the main hall, I got this violent overwhelming feeling of intense hate for everything around me. for people, for high school, for the pointless banter of people who have nothing better to say. I wanted to rip off the heads of everyone within arms reach. Instead I pushed my way into the nearest bathroom and caught my breath. I think hate could possibly be the most exhausting emotion...ever.
Fifth period I actually cried. it was strained and heald back because I couldn't leave class, but I finally got something out. But for all the good it does, I felt twice as bad the next period.
Sixth I just sort of sat in my corner and hated eferyone else in the class and felt bad for the teacher... like most days. No more than three students in that class have any respect for themselves, for the teacher, for each other, for any part of the fucking class. Sometimes I yell to get them to shut up. Others I just try to ignore them.
But that wasn't the end of it. I went to the card shop after school to get a card that I wanted and wouldn't have time to get for a while. Max coincidentally showed up, and we talked and hugged and talked and... hugged. That pretty much made my day. I really needed hugs. Max is definitely the second best person to go to for hugs if ever I need them. (Sorry Max, no one is allowed to top my man in the hugging department. lol.)
So I got home half an hour before I had to go babysit, did my chores, and just as i was finishing, my mom came and reprimanding me for not being home right after school. So even though I finished my chores, which was why she wanted me to come home early, I still got grounded and largely reprimanded. I came to Emony's house close to tears again, and that kid definitely didn't help. I had a pressure headache and she was bouncing off the walls and kicking things and jumping on me and wouldn't listen... it took me almost an hour to get her to bed because she was literally kicking and screaming. at one point i set her down on her bed next to her PJs because she wouldn't do anything but scream at me (trust me, I'm not exaggerating at all), closed her door, went downstairs, and waited. I felt horrible, but I don't know how to deal with that, at some point I thought I might just give up and start crying right in front of her. So, eventually she stopped and came downstairs and we talked and I got her to get ready for bed. But I really can't do that every night, I've had to do the same thing the last two times I've watched her, and I can't handle it. Heh, any suggestions would be welcome.
To top it off, I haven't seen Conor in a week and won't see him again for probably another week, and I miss him. A lot. The end.