if you dont want to read it, then dont read it.
so many things have happened so fast over the past few days
i went out with Jerry, who i met on Match..
i met him at the braintree mall, and we drove around for a bit trying to find a place to eat. everything was packed because it was a friday night, so we made a reservation at TGIF and set off to find the theatre that was supposedly one exit down. we ended up getting lost for a bit, which was fine because it gave us time to just talk in the car about stuff. he's a hispanic RnB singer (really cute, I must say, and very smooth and laid back), originally from NY but not a Yankees fan, which made me happy, hehe. we finally got to the cinemas and checked out the times...and that's when we realized that by the time we found a place to eat and got back to the theatres, it'd be pretty late, but we decided to just go and eat anyway. Jerry and i ended up at the Picadilly Pub in Stoughton and talked for a while there. it felt kinda awkward for a bit because i didn't really know what to say. he was calm and collect, and cool about everything, but we were both pretty tired so after we ate i took him back to his car at the mall and we hung out for a few minutes more before we hugged, and he left. all in all it was an okay date. nothing disasterous, and we decided to meet again on sunday in Providence to hang out all day and really get to know each other. i went home, and that's when dread started setting in..
i'd been doing my best to suppress feelings for Alan.. it's really hard when you talk every day on the phone and/or online. he's been a good friend of mine for like, 10 years now, but we've been really close lately. i keep telling myself not to get any more involved than i already am because of distance and a few other things, but i felt just horrible knowing i'd have to tell him i went out that night. suddenly the great feelings i had about being on the date with Jerry were far outweighed by guilt, nervousness, and this terrible heartwrenching feeling.
Alan and i talked that night when i got home. kinda. i messed up telling him about the date.. i guess i sorta lied about it, and i didn't want to, and i really didn't mean to, it's just that i didn't want to hurt his feelings. it didn't go well anyway.. and i practically passed out from exhaustion on the phone because we were just laying there in silence. the next day i cried on my way to work because i felt so terrible about it. its not right to mess up such a long, great friendship for a something that i couldn't even explain. after i got out of work on saturday, we talked again- it was different this time. he asked me why i was going on dates, and other things...just things that deep down inside i was afraid of, yet wanting to hear more than anything. i told him why i was afraid to be in a relationship with him- distance, differences, security... the fear that one of us might make sacrifices only to find that it won't work out, and the possibility of ruining our friendship, on top of all else. but we discussed it all.. and i we came to the conclusion that it would be more worth it to try than do nothing and let it tear us apart.
we talked from about 6:30 to 11:30, then again from 12:30 to 2:30am. after we got everything out, we were back to just talking about things like normal, like we always do as great friends...except there was this calming relief that everything was finally settled, and i'm really ready to be in another relationship afterall :) and even though i wanted to go out to the club with megan and dawn so badly (it was supposed to be 80's night!), i'm glad that i decided to stay in and talk things through with Alan. he knows that i'm a 2 package deal, and he's ready and willing.. and i know i can trust him.
...as long as he doesn't teach her to be an evil little kid like he threatens to do all the time! :O hehehe.
long story short (too late!) i canceled my plans with Jerry, and i really can't wait until Alan comes back here in May :) it's nice that my birthday is the 22nd and his is the 24th, but will he be able to handle the fact that i'll be 25 and he'll still be 22 for 2 days??? ;) we'll see. now the hard part is going to be meeting his crazy family. at least he's already met mine, and families don't come much crazier than us, literally :D
So... who's up for scalping some Sox tickets this year with us? I am determined to get Alan into Fenway Park!!
i went out with Jerry, who i met on Match..
i met him at the braintree mall, and we drove around for a bit trying to find a place to eat. everything was packed because it was a friday night, so we made a reservation at TGIF and set off to find the theatre that was supposedly one exit down. we ended up getting lost for a bit, which was fine because it gave us time to just talk in the car about stuff. he's a hispanic RnB singer (really cute, I must say, and very smooth and laid back), originally from NY but not a Yankees fan, which made me happy, hehe. we finally got to the cinemas and checked out the times...and that's when we realized that by the time we found a place to eat and got back to the theatres, it'd be pretty late, but we decided to just go and eat anyway. Jerry and i ended up at the Picadilly Pub in Stoughton and talked for a while there. it felt kinda awkward for a bit because i didn't really know what to say. he was calm and collect, and cool about everything, but we were both pretty tired so after we ate i took him back to his car at the mall and we hung out for a few minutes more before we hugged, and he left. all in all it was an okay date. nothing disasterous, and we decided to meet again on sunday in Providence to hang out all day and really get to know each other. i went home, and that's when dread started setting in..
i'd been doing my best to suppress feelings for Alan.. it's really hard when you talk every day on the phone and/or online. he's been a good friend of mine for like, 10 years now, but we've been really close lately. i keep telling myself not to get any more involved than i already am because of distance and a few other things, but i felt just horrible knowing i'd have to tell him i went out that night. suddenly the great feelings i had about being on the date with Jerry were far outweighed by guilt, nervousness, and this terrible heartwrenching feeling.
Alan and i talked that night when i got home. kinda. i messed up telling him about the date.. i guess i sorta lied about it, and i didn't want to, and i really didn't mean to, it's just that i didn't want to hurt his feelings. it didn't go well anyway.. and i practically passed out from exhaustion on the phone because we were just laying there in silence. the next day i cried on my way to work because i felt so terrible about it. its not right to mess up such a long, great friendship for a something that i couldn't even explain. after i got out of work on saturday, we talked again- it was different this time. he asked me why i was going on dates, and other things...just things that deep down inside i was afraid of, yet wanting to hear more than anything. i told him why i was afraid to be in a relationship with him- distance, differences, security... the fear that one of us might make sacrifices only to find that it won't work out, and the possibility of ruining our friendship, on top of all else. but we discussed it all.. and i we came to the conclusion that it would be more worth it to try than do nothing and let it tear us apart.
we talked from about 6:30 to 11:30, then again from 12:30 to 2:30am. after we got everything out, we were back to just talking about things like normal, like we always do as great friends...except there was this calming relief that everything was finally settled, and i'm really ready to be in another relationship afterall :) and even though i wanted to go out to the club with megan and dawn so badly (it was supposed to be 80's night!), i'm glad that i decided to stay in and talk things through with Alan. he knows that i'm a 2 package deal, and he's ready and willing.. and i know i can trust him.
...as long as he doesn't teach her to be an evil little kid like he threatens to do all the time! :O hehehe.
long story short (too late!) i canceled my plans with Jerry, and i really can't wait until Alan comes back here in May :) it's nice that my birthday is the 22nd and his is the 24th, but will he be able to handle the fact that i'll be 25 and he'll still be 22 for 2 days??? ;) we'll see. now the hard part is going to be meeting his crazy family. at least he's already met mine, and families don't come much crazier than us, literally :D
So... who's up for scalping some Sox tickets this year with us? I am determined to get Alan into Fenway Park!!