Boredom. Ergo: Story.

[aston_splat]

The man ran through the trees. They can't track him in water. Surely they can't track him in water. Please. Get into a river. Far off, in the hills, wolves howled. They were a minor threat. What was after him was worse far.

He cursed as he slid down a bank, dislodging a flurry of small stones and sand. There was a small stream at the bottom.

Comments

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[anonymous]

WELL DONE! This is brilliant! Keep it up! Actually, I would really love to know the rest of the story... keep it coming!
Love you babe!
moi!

[nimnod]

Took me ages to get time to read this - tab's been open in firefox for ages.

Crit:
The stacatto, short sentence thing gives it pace and excitment but is a little overdone - have a look at a few of them and maybe join them together. Also, What was after him was worse far.
- needs a "by"?.

Response: It has a definite something though, a something that sucked me in enough to felt a twinge of sadness at the end that there wasn't any more. In a word, "liked". =)

[aston_splat]

Hmm.... That was an edited version, after I got the same comment from someone else. Will go over it again and see if I can get some longer sentences without making it slower. Guess that sustaining it for 1000 words is a bit much.

And I think I had it saying

What was after him was far worse.

Somehow got swopped.... Thanks for the feedback though.