Comments | astragali: argh

astragali

argh

Jan 31, 2009 10:44

I am in a foul mood. Nothing's really wrong, except that work is stressful, but that's why it's called "work" and not "whimsical fun". I lost my debit card (I think) but that can be fixed. I noticed that my thighs are horrifying, and I sort of want to wear bike shorts under my clothes at all times for the rest of my life, but, eh, not much I can do ( Read more... )

Comments 7

babygoose85 January 31 2009, 20:19:16 UTC

You sure you can't run to Hawaii? That sounds like it would fix everything :oD

How about a day at the spa? A picnic maybe, it's bright and shiny where I am.

astragali February 1 2009, 04:36:09 UTC

I wish I could run to Hawaii. I am so sick of being cold.

I would love a spa day, but I'd have to take a day off to do it; no weekend sitter :(

paksenarrion2 January 31 2009, 20:20:20 UTC

Is there something you have always wanted to try and learn? Like a new language, knitting, drawing, or something like that?

Volunteer at a soup kitchen, animal shelter or some place like that.

Maybe try meditation or yoga?

I know sometimes when I get to the point that I want to cry or hit someone, I take a nice long walk and listen to tunes.

astragali February 1 2009, 04:39:18 UTC

There are lots of things I'd love to learn, but time is a problem. I get up before the baby and shower and dress, get her up, dress her, feed her, work while she plays and cuddles, take her to the sitter, go to work, work until 6 or so, go pick up Sarah, pick up Peter, and then go home and make dinner and put her to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I really would like to join a gym, but I don't know when I'd find time. I could go after Sarah's in bed, but it would be so late. But maybe I should anyway.

callunav February 1 2009, 06:07:00 UTC

It sounds to me like you need time for yourself. I mean, none of the other suggestions work because you don't have time, and it starts to sound like actually that's a big part of the problem ( ... )

astragali February 3 2009, 01:52:03 UTC

Yeah, I was thinking the other day that there's not so much "me" in my life right now. I'm doing pretty well at meeting everyone else's needs, but I've sort of backburnered my own. I need to figure this out.

And you're right--I feel horribly guilty about time I *don't* spend with Sarah. She's so little, and she'll be not little so soon; I feel awful thinking I was off getting a manicure while she reaches some milestone. Even though that likely wouldn't happen, it's still a fear, you know? If I knew there would be other kids, it might be different, but that doesn't seem likely.

I'll look into the lightbox. It probably wouldn't hurt, especially at my desk.

callunav February 3 2009, 02:12:49 UTC

I do understand a little, I think, from seeing the same thing from my brother and sister-in-law. She's with the CDC and when we visited last was looking at having to go to Nepal within a couple days, and even though she was interested in the trip, it would almost certainly have meant the niecelet weaning while she was gone, and maybe taking her first freestanding steps, and I could see that even though she's a very bright-natured, forthright, not-given-to-regrets kind of person, she was just torn up at the thought. When the trip fell through and she couldn't go after all, I think I could feel the relief all the way from Atlanta to Boston.

And judging by them, I think maybe it wouldn't make so much difference; they've planned on more children all along, and now she's pregnant again (well along, actually), but that desperate ambivalence is still there. I think it's called love, really.

But I also think there will always be moments missed, and you can never get it all. I mean, you know that, but it seems worth saying, anyhow. And ( ... )