The Spirit of Partying
Title: The Spirit of Partying
Rating: R (for ridiculously strong language)
Characters/Pairings: All of Arashi, all of KAT-TUN, some other JE surprises
Summary: Jun clenched his pen in his fist. He was sick and tired of hearing about Kappa Theta’s wild parties. Nobody ever came to an Alpha Rho Sigma party if the KT’s were lighting it up the same night.
Notes/Warnings: An AU request from katmillia who wanted Arashi and KAT-TUN as competing frat houses. Warnings for frat boy behavior and the language that comes with it. Has it really been 4 years since I graduated college?
The pencil jabbed between Jun’s shoulder blades again. “Stop it,” he hissed under his breath, jerking in his chair.
All he got was the usual chuckle. And then seconds later, another jab.
“Stop being a dick, Akanishi.”
“You taking notes?”
Jun tried to pay attention to the lecture. It was the last one for the semester after all, and maybe Professor Joshima would drop a few more hints about the final. Well, as soon as he got done coughing in a cloud of chalk dust now that he’d dropped his eraser.
Poke poke. “Seriously, are you getting notes? I don’t have my notebook today.”
Jin never had a notebook. Who the hell was he fooling? “Like I’d share my notes with you.”
Akanishi grumbled under his breath. “I need to pass this class to get off academic probation.”
Joshima was still hacking up a lung at the front of the lecture hall. Most other students were on their phones texting or doing work for other classes.
“Not my fault you’re on probation.”
“Doesn’t the Greek community have to stick together, man?”
“I’m not in your frat, asshole.”
Jin smarted at that. “Yeah, because you’re in a homo frat.”
Homo? Was that the best insult Akanishi could come up with today? He might actually be concerned about his grades. Jun didn’t take kindly to people dissing Alpha Rho Sigma. Sure, they had a rep on campus as a rather tame fraternity, but Jun had made good friends there.
“It’s not a homo frat.”
“Oh yeah? Then what are you doing this weekend, huh? You all sitting around painting your nails or something?”
No. They’d organized a quiet group study night for Saturday. Wow, Jun realized. It was pretty damn lame.
“We’re having a party,” he said quietly, lying through his teeth.
“Oh, is that so?” Jin said, poking him again. “So are we.”
“Keg?”
“Five of ‘em.”
“Girls?”
“More than you’ll get at your homo frat.”
Jun clenched his pen in his fist. He was sick and tired of hearing about Kappa Theta’s wild parties. Nobody ever came to an Alpha Rho Sigma party if the KT’s were lighting it up the same night. It was always a blow to Jun’s pride.
“We’ll have plenty of girls,” Jun argued.
“Fag hags don’t count.”
He turned in his seat, staring at Akanishi’s tired, hungover face. “Listen, dickhead. Our party will kick your party’s ass.”
“Oh yeah? Wanna place a wager?”
Think, Jun thought. Think! The guys were not going to be happy with him, but they had to understand. Kappa Theta’s hold on the campus girls was keeping all of the A Rho Sigs from getting laid - it was their last chance for the semester. What would draw people in?
“Well?” Akanishi asked, adjusting the stupid beanie he was wearing over his probably marijuana scented hair. “Come on, wow me, Matsumoto.”
“I bet you a hundred bucks that A Rho Sig can get Nagase to come.”
Akanishi’s bloodshot eyes widened. “No way.”
“Way,” Jun said, trying to sound as confident as possible. Nagase? Why had he said Nagase? There was no way he’d show...
Jin smiled. “And a hundred bucks says he’ll be showing his dong at the KT party this Saturday. You’re on.”
--
“You said what?” Nakamaru screeched.
“Dude, relax,” Jin said, patting his friend on the shoulder. “We were going to have a party anyhow, right?”
“Wrong!” Ueda called from the kitchen. “It’s finals week, dumb shit!”
“But finals start on Monday. This is Saturday.”
“And my first final is 8 AM Monday,” Nakamaru complained, picking up some trash from the living room floor. “It’s physics, man. I should be studying for it now.”
Jin collapsed on the couch with a sigh. “Don’t be a pussy, Yucchi, come on. All we have to do is put on some music and open the door, and the girls will come. We’re competing against A Rho Sig. A Rho Sig, man, they’ll be watching gay porn or something.”
“Who’s watching gay porn?” Koki asked in confusion as he came downstairs.
“Akanishi’s throwing a party Saturday night,” Ueda said, entering the living room with a sandwich.
“Isn’t it finals week?” Koki wondered.
“Thank you!” Nakamaru grumbled, picking out an empty bag of pretzels from behind Jin.
“But the gay porn?”
The front door opened, and Kame came in looking furious, throwing his backpack on the floor. “How come I just heard from Koyama in Nu Sigma that we’re having a party here on Saturday?”
Jin laughed. “Dude, Pi can’t keep his mouth shut.”
“How come Yamashita knew about this before we did?” Ueda snapped. “We’re the ones who live here!”
“I’ve got a calc study session all day Sunday!” Kame whined. “We’re not having a party!”
“Look,” Jin said. “A Rho Sig is betting that they’ll get Nagase to come.”
“No way,” Ueda said.
“Nagase stays at the downtown bars,” Koki said. “No way he’ll go to an A Rho Sig party. Or a KT party.”
“You guys need to relax,” Jin decided. “You’re never going to pass your exams if you whine and screech like a bunch of girls about one little party. We say we’ve got Nagase, the ladies will come. It’s the end of the school year, alright? Live a little!”
“You’re the one on academic probation,” Kame pointed out.
Koki was starting to come around though, perking up considerably at the idea of the type of girls Nagase could get to drop by. “Let’s...let’s hear him out...”
--
“No,” Sho said decisively.
“But we have leftover funds,” Jun said, showing him the fraternity’s budget in Excel. “You said yourself that we went under for the St. Patrick’s Day party.”
Sho shook his head. “We’ll use it next year. We’ll buy a new foosball table for the rec room.”
“We don’t need a new one,” Jun nagged him. Couldn’t Sho see that they couldn’t afford to lose to Kappa Theta here?
Nino knocked. “There’s money talk going on in here, I can smell it.”
Sho pouted. “Jun says we’re having a party on Saturday night and not only that, but we’ve got a bet going with Kappa Theta about who can get Nagase to come.”
Nino’s eyes widened. “Nagase? The townie?”
“What other Nagase do you know?” Jun snapped.
Nagase was known all over campus. He’d been a student ages ago, an infamous member of Tau Kappa Omicron - the frat that got shut down because their parties had been so crazy. Rumor had it that they’d roasted a goat in their yard or slipped ecstasy into a professor’s drink or went streaking through a university board meeting, but Jun didn’t know what was or wasn’t true.
But once TKO had shut down, Nagase dropped out. He was now a fixture of the college town, out every night partying it up. Nobody knew what he did for a living, but he never went to the campus bars, and he rarely went to campus parties. But Jun was up to the challenge. He had to be, just to wipe that smug grin off Akanishi’s face.
“You really think we could get Nagase?” Nino asked.
“Well, Jin says KT’s gonna have five kegs...”
“...which means we need six,” Nino finished.
Sho looked furious. “No, why are you going along with this?”
“My first final isn’t til Tuesday.”
“We’re having a party?” Ohno asked, poking his head in to Jun’s room.
“Yes,” Jun said as Sho said “Absolutely not.”
Ohno shrugged. “Why don’t we vote?”
--
“Yeah. Okay. Great, thanks. Okay, talk to you later.” Jin snapped his phone shut, and Junno was on pins and needles.
Ever since he’d heard about the party that weekend, he’d been excited. Nobody else on campus was awesome enough to throw a party right before the start of finals week, which meant the girls who would show were going to be fun-loving, naughty girls. Hopefully the kind who liked a few puns before getting under the sheets.
Well, a guy could dream.
“What did he say?” Koki asked.
It was amazing how Jin took charge when there was a party to plan. He usually didn’t care about anything else like frat philanthropy or keeping the common areas clean.
“Well, Pi says that Ryo saw Nagase at Club Kanjani downtown last night. Ryo’s always there lately. But anyway, Pi says he’ll tell Ryo to tell Nagase about the party.”
“That’s good news,” Junno said.
“So what?” Kame complained. “I could go ring Nagase’s doorbell right now and say we’re having a party. That doesn’t mean he’ll come.”
“He’s not gonna come if you all act like whiny bitches,” Jin protested. “Look, if we’re gonna get asses in the door, we need to make sure A Rho Sig gets crashed and shut down.”
“Make it so Nagase can see how lame it is if he shows there?” Ueda asked.
“Yep. We need an inside man.”
“Cause a little chaos at the party, get the cops to show,” Koki nodded. “That’s hilarious.”
“They’re not gonna let one of us in though,” Nakamaru said. “They won’t want any male competition.”
--
“..which is why we need to send a girl to the KT party,” Aiba explained.
“No way,” Sho said. “That’s too dangerous. I don’t want any of my female friends getting roofied at the KT house.”
“You don’t have any female friends, Sakurai,” Nino kindly added.
“Then someone goes in drag,” Jun said. “We get one of us in there and we...”
“Pour bleach in their kegs!” Aiba cried.
“Dude, that’s wrong,” Ohno mumbled.
“That could kill somebody!” Sho shouted.
“Oh,” Aiba said, face growing red. “I got a little excited, sorry.”
“We get one of us in there,” Jun continued, snapping his fingers for attention, “and we pull a fire alarm. Everyone will have to go outside, the girls will leave, the fire truck will show, and they’ll get in trouble for a false alarm.”
“You’re really evil sometimes, Jun,” Sho replied. “But I think that’s our best bet. Nagase always shows up really late. If he hears that KT got shut down, maybe he’ll come to us by default.”
“That’s a bit pessimistic,” Aiba complained. “You mean he wouldn’t come here otherwise?”
“Hey, I’m just covering our asses here. We got two girls to come to the last party. Two! And they were Satoshi’s cousins!”
“They had a nice time,” Ohno said quietly.
--
“Does this look like a department store?” Nakamaru complained, coughing at all the dust in the Kappa Theta house basement. “There’s no way we’ve got any wigs down here.”
“But the ’98 pledge class went to graduation in drag,” Kame explained. “There has to be something down here.”
“Well, you’re the one going over there. I don’t know why I have to help.”
Kame hadn’t realized how bad his luck was until he’d lost the rock-paper-scissors battle for infiltrator. He was the one most against the party on account of his calc study session, and now he had to dress as a girl and enter enemy territory? It wasn’t fair, that was what.
“Just help me, okay? I have to shave my legs tonight, so I don’t think you’ve got it so rough.”
Maru sighed, opening another dusty box. “Okay. There’s a wig here.” He held it up gingerly, disapproving look on his face. It was ratty and red. “What do you think?”
Kame wrinkled his nose. “I have to look like a girl who goes here, not a porn star.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” Maru snapped, shoving the ugly wig back in the box. “It’s not my fault.”
He slid the box cutter through some more tape, prying open another box. “Aha,” Kame said.
“Find something?”
It just needed a wash and maybe some styling, but it was brown and average - like most of the girls who’d probably hit an A Rho Sig party. “Jackpot.”
--
“I really don’t want to know about your hobbies, Masaki,” Becky told him as he and Nino followed her backstage.
“It’s just for a joke,” Nino explained. “Come on, we’ll pay you.”
“Well, all this stuff belongs to the drama department,” she said, gesturing to the mountains and mountains of boxes. Becky still looked a bit confused. “Why couldn’t you go to the costume store again?”
“Because Becky,” Aiba said as smoothly as he could manage, draping an arm around her shoulders, “There’s nobody else I can trust. Just you. You mean everything to me.”
She shoved him off. “Oh, spare me.” She turned her attention to Nino. “He thinks he’s going to get me to go out with him again with lines like that?”
Nino smirked. “He’ll just keep trying. He’s stupid that way.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“Hey!” Aiba protested, pulling the top box off the stack that was labeled ‘Skirts’.
“Party’s on Saturday,” Nino continued. “Maybe you could come? No cover if you help us out.”
Becky crossed her arms. “And why would I go to your party right before finals?”
Nino pointed to him. “Because he won’t be there.”
“Now I’m tempted.”
Aiba dropped the next box. “Hey!”
--
“Taguchi!” Jin called, putting the finishing touches on the email draft. Tomorrow night, the night of nights. Had to get the word out to the most people - had to wipe the smile off Matsumoto’s face. “Hey! Taguchi!”
Junno appeared at Jin’s door seconds later. “Knock knock!”
“Got a question for you.”
“I said ‘knock knock’ okay? Don’t you know how that works? You’re supposed to say ‘who’s there?’ and then I say...”
“Fuck off. Your email address is Taguchi dot Junnosuke at yada yada dot edu?”
“Yeah. Why?”
He typed it in. “And your password?”
“Why would you need my email password?”
Jin typed in ‘123456’ and was immediately granted access. He copied and pasted his draft into a new mail message. “Never mind.”
Junno headed off, and Jin hit send. Immediately, his campus email pinged. It was a real thing of beauty.
Taguchi’s scream could be heard throughout the house. “WHAT THE FUCK, AKANISHI?!?!”
--
Jun’s email pinged. “ATTN: Students. PLZ READ. IMPORTANT.”
Something from the campus-wide mailing list...wait? Who was Junnosuke Taguchi?
He clicked, reading aloud. “Attention campus. Tomorrow night, please come to the....pimps up, hos down party at Kappa Theta house?!”
Underhanded bastards. Everyone was going to be impressed by KT’s daring. Using the campus network like that. It was genius. Alpha Rho Sigma didn’t even HAVE a theme for the party on account of it being last minute.
Jun hurried from the room, not even bothering to knock on Aiba’s door. He was somehow unsurprised to see the other boy standing in front of the mirror, squeezing whatever he was using for fake boobs in his borrowed purple dress.
“Change of plans,” Jun said, and Aiba jumped. Oddly, he didn’t stop fondling himself.
“What do you mean change of plans?”
“It’s a pimps and hos party now,” he explained, pointing to Aiba’s dress. “You need to skank up. Go back and get some sluttier clothes.”
“This is embarrassing enough, Jun!”
“Either way, you need different clothes. Should I go see Becky instead then?”
Aiba started stripping immediately, and Jun turned away with a groan.
“I hate this stupid party.”
--
Ueda frowned. “Why the hell did he promise five kegs? Why do we need five?”
Koki shrugged. “Sounds pretty awesome though when you say, ‘hey, there’s a party with five kegs tonight, we should totally go.’”
“Well yeah,” he said as the liquor store guys started loading them up in the back of Koki’s van. “But five? We’re going to have to charge ten bucks at the door. Nobody’s going to pay ten bucks.”
“Seven for ladies?” Koki asked, eyes twinkling as the next keg went rolling into the van.
“This isn’t even going on your credit card, Tanaka. It’s going on mine.”
“True.” Koki looked nervous. “You think Jin’ll be pissed we didn’t buy Heineken?”
“I’m not buying five kegs of Heineken. I don’t care how much ass I’d get.”
“Should we get a case, just to be safe?”
Ueda smacked him. “We have five kegs of beer, Koki, come on. We don’t need a case on top of it.”
“A six pack?”
--
Sho and Ohno rolled up in Sho’s Pathfinder just as the van pulled out of the liquor store parking lot. “I thought you were going to call ahead,” Sho complained. “The party’s tonight and you were in charge of the beer order.”
“I forgot,” Ohno said sheepishly. “I had a paper due.”
“But you got an extension!”
Ohno held the door, bell chiming as they entered. “Oh. Right.”
They approached the counter, Sho looking increasingly angry. Ohno hoped they’d still be able to complete their order. Who else was really throwing a keg party this weekend?
The guy was immediately suspicious. “You’re not from the Kappa Theta party are you? How much do you guys drink?”
“Oh!” Sho said, “We’re from a different frat. We didn’t place an order though. Can we still have a few kegs delivered around 9:00 tonight?”
The employee raised an eyebrow. “A few?”
“Um. Six, if you have six,” Ohno answered.
“For one party?”
“Yes,” Ohno and Sho said.
“At one place?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve still got PBR and one Blue Moon if you’re feeling adventurous. Probably could get you a few kegs of Milwaukee’s Best delivered too. Got a guy that knows a guy.”
“Milwaukee’s Best...” Sho frowned.
“I like it,” Ohno said.
“It’s not Keystone,” the employee said, trying to give it a positive spin.
“He’ll drink anything,” Sho replied.
Ohno smiled. Yeah, that was true. This was usually why they made sure Sho helped him pick up the drinks.
“So we can’t get six kegs?” Sho asked.
“The guys before you had five reserved. There’s the place off of route 28, but the junior college just finished their semester. No way you’ll find anything good there for tonight.”
Ohno felt embarrassed. This was his fault. They weren’t going to get a lot of girls to show up for Milwaukee’s Best.
“We’ll take the PBR and the Blue Moon,” Sho said, getting out his wallet. “How many PBR?”
“Just two.”
“Shit,” Sho grumbled under his breath. It was half of what Jun had claimed they’d have. If word got to Nagase...
Ohno felt sick to his stomach as he took out his wallet. The frat would reimburse him, right? At least part of the way? He slapped down his credit card on the counter, surprising Sho. “Three bottles of Stoli, 2 Captain, 2 Cuervo and a Jager.”
“Satoshi,” Sho muttered, “We don’t have the cash for that...”
He swallowed. “I...I’m graduating in fall. I...I got this.”
The employee seemed impressed, ringing up the purchase and taking down their reserve order for the night. “Where’s the party?”
“Alpha Rho Sigma house.”
“Wait, you guys are A Rho Sigs? I thought you guys just drank O’Douls and wine coolers?”
Ohno watched the vein on Sho’s neck bulge a bit. He didn’t take criticism well. “Just ring it up.”
--
“You smell like a Bath and Body Works,” Koki teased as Kame finished zipping up the skirt.
“I got different body wash for this. You guys owe me.”
“You’re going to have to change your voice if you want them to believe you.” Koki took a step back and squinted at him.
Kame turned, checking out his ass in the mirror, adjusting the wig to his satisfaction. “Well?”
“You are one ugly chick.”
“Shut up.”
--
“Just pull the fire alarm, alright? Don’t poison stuff,” Nino said, shoving more kleenex into Aiba’s bra. “And if you see Nagase?”
“Try to get him to leave with me, yeah, I know. Jun told me.”
“He’ll probably be plastered already if he shows up at KT house. You won’t have to be all that feminine.”
Aiba took the tube of lipstick Nino held out. “I can be feminine. I understand women.”
“Supplying your own condoms does not mean you understand women.” Nino held up the perfume bottle. “Close your mouth.”
--
Nakamaru sighed as Jin nearly tumbled down the steps. “Are you already drunk? There’s nobody here yet!” he complained, getting the money box ready since he had first shift for door duty.
Jin smiled. “I have a good feeling about tonight, man. Loosen up.”
“You used Junno’s email to send out the party notice. He might get expelled.”
Jin waved his hand dismissively, taking a flask out of his pimp coat pocket. “Sometimes I think you pledged the wrong fraternity, man.”
“Whatever.” The doorbell rang. It seemed like the email had worked.
--
Jun opened the door.
“Got three kegs here for Alpha Rho Sigma house?”
“Three?” he stood aside and let the guy start wheeling them in. “What do you mean three?”
Ohno was coming down the stairs. “Oh yeah...about that...”
--
“You’re not a pimp,” Junno complained, frowning at Ueda’s shirt. “You’re a pirate.”
Ueda put on a suit coat over his ruffly shirt. “Well, I didn’t know we were doing a theme until five minutes ago!”
“Don’t you check your email?”
“I’ve been studying! You know, when I wasn’t at the liquor store paying for five kegs!”
Junno was rummaging through his closet. “Do you have anything that would work as a pimp cane?”
“Get out of my room!”
--
Jun was fuming as he set the cups up, and Sho was doing his best to steer clear. Three kegs, not six. Even the Facebook page they’d set up hastily the night before had advertised six kegs. Well, maybe nobody would really ask about it, Sho hoped.
Becky was already markering her name onto her red plastic cup. “My sorority sisters and I saw Masaki leaving when we got here.”
“Oh?”
She handed him the cup, and he filled it for her. “He looked like a prostitute.”
“That was the idea,” Jun said.
Sho handed it back to her. “Did it make you hot?”
She laughed, heading back to her girlfriends in the other room. “Bite me!”
--
Jin was loud and slurring, and Kame had to hold the phone away from his ear. It was difficult enough to talk and walk in the heeled shoes. How did girls do this all the time?
“Hey, you pick up the back-up plan already?”
“No!” Kame shouted back at him.
“What’s taking so long?”
“His mom’s dropping him off at the library.”
“Well, hurry up, would you? The sooner we get the Sigs shut down, the quicker we can get Nagase to show up.”
“It’s only 10:00!”
“Oh shit, there’s Tri-Delt hotties here. Gotta run!”
“Jin?” Dial tone. Kame rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”
--
There was already a line stretching down the front walk at the Kappa Theta house, and Aiba sighed. He hoped that the line back at the house was just as impressive. They’d made a Facebook group and invited everyone in the university network after KT had attacked with the campus-wide email.
He was slightly embarrassed for the girls in front of him, short skirts and stilettos. A Rho Sig would never have such a demeaning party theme. Then again, maybe this was why A Rho Sig rarely attracted girls who’d put out.
The guy taking money was in a sweater vest, but with a feathered pimp hat. Well, KT house was full of interesting characters. The guy eyed him suspiciously. “That’ll be seven dollars, please.”
He pulled the ten dollar bill out of his fake cleavage, hoping the kleenex wouldn’t come with it. “Here you are,” he said in his girliest voice.
The guy looked a little put off but gave him the change and an empty cup. “Have a good time. Give your friends a call too, okay?”
“Sure, cutie.” Aiba beamed and headed inside, wanting to immediately shower. This was the worst night ever.
--
“My friend Kate said that A Rho Sig has a keg of Blue Moon,” the girl said, running her finger up and down the sleeve of Koki’s jacket.
“Sure, but we’ve got the hottest guys, right?”
“I love Blue Moon though.” She was writhing and grinding in his lap, and suddenly, Koki wanted to buy a case of Blue Moon.
“If I...um...if I could get you some...would you, uh...”
She smiled, tapping his belt buckle. “Oh. Definitely.”
He moved her off and onto the couch beside him, getting up and patting his pockets for his wallet. Sometimes Jin had good ideas.
--
They may have only had three kegs, but Nino didn’t care. Satoshi had picked up some Captain, and he had a stash of Coca-Cola under his bed. Things were looking up as he meandered through the surprisingly large crowd. More guys than he would have liked, but Becky had gotten most of her sorority sisters to come - and even better, they’d brought friends from another school who were visiting for some sisterhood something or other.
He passed by someone who looked like the youngest freshman ever, spotting a rather quiet girl standing by the framed Yankees poster Nino had contributed to the living room decor. “Not a Red Sox fan are you?” he asked, checking out her rather nice legs.
“Oh no,” she said, turning around to wink at him. Her voice was a little deep, but Nino was on drink number four so who cared? “My heart belongs to Jeter.”
Nino almost choked on his drink. “Really?”
She smiled. It was a pretty nice smile. “I pitched in high school though.”
He took another sip, already liking this girl quite a bit. “Softball?”
She blinked. “Right. The softball team.”
“I was a pitcher, too,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “You know, I’ve got a few games on tape upstairs...”
“From high school?”
“Just if you want to compare. I mean, pitcher to pitcher.”
“I don’t even know your name.”
This was going really well. A lot faster than it usually did. Maybe he needed to loosen up like this more. “You can call me Nino.”
She smiled again. “You can call me...uh...Cammy.”
--
“I bet you have really strong muscles if you’re a boxer,” the brunette said, downing the rest of her beer. “Can we see?”
Ueda grinned, pulling off his lame excuse for a pimp coat. Where the hell had Akanishi gone? He was supposed to be running the music. He’d already heard What’s Your Fantasy by Ludacris four times.
“Ooh,” the blonde said, giving his arm a squeeze. “Stronger than you look, definitely.”
“Thanks.” No, seriously, where had Jin gone? Maybe he was already upstairs with someone. Some host. Things were looking promising with these girls, but he was taking over at the door for Nakamaru in half an hour. He’d be cutting it awfully close.
Junno walked by, talking animatedly with one of the strangest looking girls Ueda had ever seen. Hopefully, Nagase would show up and bring some nicer looking girls with.
--
Jun watched Nino head upstairs with a rather ugly girl. But good for him, Jun thought. He was doing much better than Jun was at present.
“I mean, he took me to Chuck E. Cheese. That’s not a date,” Becky was slurring, spilling beer out of her cup and onto Jun’s shirt as she sat curled up against him on the couch. “We’re in college, you know, and he spent the whole time competing against this eight year old kid in skeeball!”
“That sucks. He doesn’t always think,” Jun said with a nod. He reached for her cup. “You need a refill?” Anything to get away from the girl. Aiba, Aiba, Aiba. For nearly an hour it had been Aiba - Aiba who hadn’t called Jun yet to say the fire alarm at the KT house had been pulled.
But Becky leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. “He’s so cute though. Don’t you like how he looks when he smiles?”
“Not really,” Jun said, growing more and more uncomfortable. If he was a Kappa Theta, he could just take advantage of Becky and make her forget Aiba ever existed. It was a tempting thought, but he wasn’t that much of a dick.
He scanned the room as Becky started up again with the Chuck E. Cheese story for the sixth time. Lots of girls. Very promising. Maybe not as many as KT had, but a lot more than they’d ever had in the house before. And Nagase might bring more. A few guys too - Sho’s grad student friend Junichi had girls all over him, Jun’s lab partner Shun kept shooting beer bongs, and then there was the one guy who looked really young.
“Hey,” he said, nudging Becky. “You know that kid?”
“He’s got a pretty smile, and his tongue...wow.”
Jun shuddered, detangling himself from her. Aiba, Aiba, Aiba! “Never mind. I’ll go get you that refill.”
--
“So like, we got new cabinets and counters last fall,” Junno explained to Mary, trying not to stare at her tight corset top. “Gift from one of our frat brothers from the pledge class of ’01.”
“That’s pretty nice.” Mary seemed to be looking for something, but Junno wasn’t sure what in the kitchen she needed. There was just the keg area and the long line waiting for it. “What happens if there’s a kitchen fire?”
“A kitchen fire?” he asked, taking another sip from his cup. “Uh, well, we’ve got a smoke detector, like most kitchens, right?”
“Oh. Right.” Was Mary just into kitchens? Fire safety? He decided to turn on the charm.
“Hey Mary. You like jokes?”
“Sure.” Her eyes were still looking all over the kitchen. She’d barely touched her beer.
“So like, if H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?”
“Red paint?”
“Nope! K-9-P!”
He usually expected girls to smile politely at his jokes. He didn’t expect Mary to double over in laughter, smacking his back like Junno’s joke had been the greatest thing she’d ever heard.
“K-9-P!” Mary squealed, her laugh sounding kind of like a guy crossed with a hyena. A hyena with emphysema.
Junno grinned from ear to ear. “You liked that one huh? Wait til I tell you the one about Snoop Dogg and the umbrella!”
--
Sho was on the kitchen floor giggling with a few scantily clad girls lying beside him. “Satoshi!” he cried. “No more Jager bombs!”
Ohno smiled. He was glad he’d gone ahead and bought the extra liquor. Lots of the girls were happy with the drinks he was missing, and so was his frat brother. “Okay, you stick to beer, alright?”
He felt someone tugging on his sleeve. Ohno turned to see a boy, probably a freshman he looked so young, looking at him expectantly. “How do I use the keg?”
“Uh...you don’t know how to use the pump?” It must have been his first party, poor kid. “Let me show you.”
The kid was close, uncomfortably so. He was nearly attached to Ohno at the hip as he put beer in the kid’s cup. He handed it back, spying the kid’s name written on it. “Here you are, uh, Yuri?”
“That’s me,” the kid replied with a smile, raising the cup to his mouth. He looked a little nervous.
“You...you are old enough to be here, right?” This was, of course, a stupid question since most people here were probably under 21.
“Uh...yeah. Yeah.”
Ohno went back to mix some drinks for the next round of cute girls who approached, but Yuri was still on him. He stirred some cranberry juice in with the Stoli. “Uh...can I help you, Yuri?”
“You’re a senior right? You seem, like, so much more mature than the other guys here.”
He handed the cup to the girl with the nice boobs, and she walked off without a thank you. Great. Missed opportunity thanks to a cockblocking freshman. “I guess so,” he answered. He rarely lost his temper, but this kid was going to be up his ass if he got any closer.
“Satoshi!” Sho called from the floor. “I changed my mind!”
He grabbed the bottle of Jager, trying desperately to ignore the creepy kid. “One more Jager bomb, coming right up.”
--
“Where the hell are you going?” Maru screeched, tugging on the sleeve of Jin’s pimp coat.
“Dude, lemme go, Pi and Tegoshi are waiting.”
“But you’re supposed to be hosting THIS party,” he complained, trying to slow Jin’s stumbling progress down the stairs.
“They’ve got some foreign exchange students doing body shots at Club Kanjani, man. Ryo’s saving me a real slutty one!”
Maru growled, trying to shake some sense into him. “But this was all your idea! What about Nagase?”
“Man, fuck Nagase,” Jin slurred, missing a step and clinging to the bannister. “Foreign poontang, Yucchi. You’d understand if you had a dick.”
“I have a...” He didn’t feel like saying that out loud with all these girls gathered around. He let Jin go. “Selfish asshole.”
Jin adjusted the pimp hat on his head before opening the door. “Oh, and you better go ahead and call the cops. Kame never checked in. See you later, bitches!”
--
Why wasn’t Jin calling? He was supposed to call and let him know the cops were on the way to break up the A Rho Sigs’ party. Instead, he was stuck in this Nino guy’s room, trying to smile as the guy felt up his legs.
“I bet you ran a lot for softball team,” the guy slurred, his shitty quality high school baseball tape flickering on the screen across the room. “You’ve got nice legs.”
“Yeah, lots of running.” Kame bit his lip, sloshing around the ice cubes in his cup. “Could I get a refill?”
“Anything for a Jeter fan,” Nino said with a grin, making sure their fingers touched as he took the cup and stumbled out of the room.
Kame sighed as soon as he was gone. His wig was making his head so hot, and his feet were killing him. He just hoped the Chinen kid wasn’t too wasted downstairs - the last thing Kame needed was a night in the emergency room watching a high schooler get his stomach pumped.
He took his phone out of the crappy little handbag they’d found in the KT house basement. Of course, Jin’s number was busy. He was probably occupied with a girl or five. He clicked down to Koki. Also busy. What the hell was going on at the house? He was startled when his phone rang.
Yuichi Nakamaru.
“Dude, what the fuck?” he answered angrily. “Jin was supposed to call!”
“Sorry, man, he just left.”
“What do you mean he left? It’s his party!”
“I don’t know, Kame. Something about foreigners and poontang and Yamashita. But look, I called to report your party, but they said they’d already gotten a noise complaint so there may already be cops on the way.”
“What? You were supposed to give me a heads up about the cops! What the fuck is with you guys tonight?” He turned angrily at the sound of a cup of liquid hitting the floor. “Oh...shit.”
Nino was staring at him, mouth hanging open like a dead fish.
“Kame? Kame, you there?”
“You’re...you’re a guy!” Nino cried, looking horrified.
“I can explain.” That was when he heard a loud-pitched squeal on the other end of the line. It sounded like someone had pulled the fire alarm. He cried out, dropping the phone in surprise.
“I was going to have sex with you!” Nino screamed, picking up a Louisville Slugger from behind the door. “You said you were a fan of Jeter!”
Kame held up his hands, trying to figure how he could make a quick exit, but the three inch heels were going to be a serious problem. “Whoa, hold on now. I’m still a Jeter fan, buddy.”
And then there were police sirens.
--
He fled the KT house as fast as his heels could carry him. The alarm had been in the pantry, and Aiba had had to sacrifice a bit of his manhood in order to pull it. Okay, the lights had been off, so it wasn’t that awful letting that Junno guy grab his ass and lick his neck. It had actually felt kind of good once he pretended it was just Becky with an Adam’s apple.
The guy was pretty funny, too. Aiba shuddered in the night air. The less he thought about this night, the better.
“Wait!” he heard from behind him. Oh shit. “Wait! Mary! We have to gather in the designated area!”
Aiba kicked off the heels and took off. “I’m really scared! I’m going home!” he called back over his shoulder.
“Mary! I think I love you!”
“Oh Jesus,” Aiba grumbled, running as fast as humanly possible. It couldn’t get any worse than this.
--
“Is there a problem, officer?” Jun asked nervously, waving for Sho’s drunken ass to turn down the stereo.
“We got word of some underage drinking here,” the mean-looking cop said, the name ‘Nakai’ etched on his name tag.
“No, this is a 21 and over party, sir!” Sho called, giving the officer a thumbs up.
“Alright,” the cop said, shoving Jun out of the doorway. “Where’s Yuri Chinen? Is there a Yuri Chinen here tonight?”
Jun looked around. He’d never heard that name before, but suddenly, that freshman-looking kid poked his head out from behind Ohno. He could already hear people sneaking out through the back door in the kitchen.
“Come over here, son,” Officer Nakai ordered, and the kid stumbled over, obviously intoxicated. “Let’s see some ID.”
The kid hiccuped. “I only have my school ID, sir.”
“That’s fine, hand it over.”
Jun’s eyes widened as soon as he saw it. “That’s...”
“Mr. Chinen, what year in school are you?”
“Um, a sophomore.”
“In college?” Officer Nakai asked, looking angrier by the second.
“Um...not exactly?”
And that was when Nino chased a guy in girl clothes (who was carrying a wig in his hand) down the stairs with a baseball bat. “You get back here! You are unworthy of being a Derek Jeter fan, you bastard!”
Nakai called for back-up.
--
“I was this close, Tatsuya, I swear to god!” Koki was complaining as they huddled in the street, seeing as how they’d had little time to grab their clothes once the fire alarm went off. “I bought four cases of Blue Moon, and I swear, she was just getting my pants off...”
“I don’t smell any smoke,” Ueda interrupted. “You think it’s a false alarm?”
“We can’t afford this,” Nakamaru grumbled, money box secure under his arm. At least someone had thought to bring it in case the house was going up in flames. “We seriously can’t. This party is awful. They’ll pull us in for a false alarm and more once they start checking IDs.”
“Where the hell did Jin go?” Koki asked.
“Club Kanjani.”
Ueda sighed. “Sometimes I think he’s smarter than all of us.”
--
The punch dropped Jin to the floor, and he cried out in pain. It was a good night to be working at Club Kanjani, the bartender thought. “What the fuck did you do that for? Ow! God damn it!”
Yamashita and Ryo were laughing instead of helping him up, at least until the girl and the rest of her foreign friends started walking off.
“Wait!” Tegoshi screamed. “Wait, come back! He was just joking about the orgy! Nooooo!”
“Akanishi, you asshole!” Ryo cried.
Murakami snorted, filling a beer for a less retarded customer. “Are they for real?”
Yoko laughed, adding money to the register. “Wanna call the cops?”
“They were soliciting sex after all,” Murakami noted.
Yoko picked up the phone and dialed as the four idiots started shoving each other, trying to blame one another for their complete failure as men.
“Yes, I’d like to report some drunk and disorderly customers. Yes, Club Kanjani.”
--
He’d had one Jager bomb too many and leaned against Jun for support. “How did that kid get in? He was sixteen.”
“Get off me,” Jun complained, trying to shrug him off.
Sho wanted to barf. The four of them (minus Aiba) were on one side of the holding cell while four of the Kappa Theta guys (including the one in the mini skirt) sat on the other.
“This is just great,” Nino complained, staring at the crossdressing one. “Why do we have to be in here with them?”
“Shut up!” the one with the crazy hair shouted. “I was gonna get laid!”
“We all were,” the quieter one at his side whined.
“Where the hell is Junno?” the crossdresser asked.
All this talk was giving Sho a headache. Where was Aiba?
--
“Look, I don’t think we’re right for each other,” Mary was saying, sitting on the curb and rubbing her foot. He’d finally caught up with her.
“You got a boyfriend?”
“Um, well...no, not exactly a boyfriend.”
“Friend with benefits?” he asked her. “Because I’m all for that sort of thing too.”
“It’s a...” Mary paused, looking embarrassed. “It’s a girlfriend. Well, I want her to be my girlfriend.”
This definitely piqued Junno’s interest. Definitely. “Oh really?”
“Yeah.”
He leaned over, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Mary’s ear...that is, until he tugged a little too hard and all of Mary’s hair came off.
“Oh...I...oh...wait...what?”
Everything came crashing down, and Mary (who was definitely not Mary now that Junno could see the kleenex sticking out of the side of her top) was smirking. Junno had touched her ass. No. Wait. Junno had touched HIS ass. Oh...oh god!
“Sorry.”
Junno got up, tripping over his own feet a few times before stumbling back in the direction of the house. “I...I think I need to go study for my history exam. Been a lovely evening. Bye. Nicetomeetyoubyebyenow.”
--
Officer Nakai opened up the cell and shoved four more guys in to sit on the bench in the middle. “And you stay there! Idiots.”
“That Akanishi?” Sho asked him, gesturing to the one with the quickly developing black eye.
“Yep.” And his usual crew too - Yamashita, Tegoshi, Nishikido. It looked like nobody was going to win the bet in the end.
“Fucking bitch hit me. I hope she goes back to Latvia and dies! Where the fuck is Latvia anyway? Is that even a real place?” Jin was whining, holding a napkin filled with ice against his face.
“Serves you right,” the Kappa Theta in the sweater vest said. “And yes it’s real.”
“Capital is Riga,” Sho mumbled.
“Shut up, all of you!” Officer Nakai shouted from his desk where he was probably writing up reports for all twelve of them.
They passed the next two hours in relative silence, Jin’s whining about his black eye the only real noise. Jun was mortified - his parents were going to kill him. He stared at the floor glumly.
Finally, Jun looked up at the sound of footsteps. Officer Nakai opened the cell door, escorting in a tall guy with greasy hair. Could it be?
“It’s him,” the crossdresser was saying. “From Tau Kappa Omicron...”
“Listen up, little boys,” the guy said, and Jun knew immediately that it was the real deal. “This won’t go on your permanent records, and I’ve just paid bail for each and every one of you...”
“Oh! Thank god! Oh man! Oh wow! Thank you so much! Thank you!” Sweater Vest cried, launching himself to wrap himself around Nagase’s ankle.
“Don’t interrupt!” Nagase complained, trying to push the kid away with the tip of his shoe. “Now you listen and you listen good. I don’t know what you were trying to do, but it’s not cool, understand? This campus was founded on two things, boys, and that’s a moderately satisfactory college education and partying. Now tonight, you took the spirit of partying, and you made it worthless. The Greek system is supposed to unite, not divide. Now I got word from your MySpace or your Twitter or whatever that you wanted me to show up tonight. And I would have, boys, if you hadn’t devalued the spirit of partying.”
He crossed his arms, meeting each of their eyes in turn.
“The spirit of partying is that first beer out of the keg. You know it’s half foam, but it’s the first one, and boy does it satisfy. The spirit of partying is that drunk girl whose long-distance boyfriend just dumped her and needs a shoulder to cry on. Gentlemen, the spirit of partying is that beer pong victory at 3 AM when every self-respecting asshole has already gone home. And tonight you took that spirit and kicked it in the damn nads. Fire alarms and crossdressing and sending in high school kids is just not cool, boys. Just not cool. You embarrass me, you embarrass my TKO brethren, and you embarrass yourselves. You could have joined up, had one kick-ass party to end all parties. But you let different Greek letter combinations tear you apart. I want you to take tonight and make it a life lesson. Parties are about coming together and getting drunk, but not so drunk that you can’t get it up when it counts. Take what I’ve told you. Take this message into next school year. These are the best damn years of your life. As the great poet Gene Simmons wrote, ‘I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day.’ Don’t squander this time, alright? Thank you, and god bless.”
Nagase turned around without another word, only holding his fist up victoriously as he departed the station.
Akanishi took the napkin of ice off his eye.
“Who the fuck was that guy?”
Rating: R (for ridiculously strong language)
Characters/Pairings: All of Arashi, all of KAT-TUN, some other JE surprises
Summary: Jun clenched his pen in his fist. He was sick and tired of hearing about Kappa Theta’s wild parties. Nobody ever came to an Alpha Rho Sigma party if the KT’s were lighting it up the same night.
Notes/Warnings: An AU request from katmillia who wanted Arashi and KAT-TUN as competing frat houses. Warnings for frat boy behavior and the language that comes with it. Has it really been 4 years since I graduated college?
The pencil jabbed between Jun’s shoulder blades again. “Stop it,” he hissed under his breath, jerking in his chair.
All he got was the usual chuckle. And then seconds later, another jab.
“Stop being a dick, Akanishi.”
“You taking notes?”
Jun tried to pay attention to the lecture. It was the last one for the semester after all, and maybe Professor Joshima would drop a few more hints about the final. Well, as soon as he got done coughing in a cloud of chalk dust now that he’d dropped his eraser.
Poke poke. “Seriously, are you getting notes? I don’t have my notebook today.”
Jin never had a notebook. Who the hell was he fooling? “Like I’d share my notes with you.”
Akanishi grumbled under his breath. “I need to pass this class to get off academic probation.”
Joshima was still hacking up a lung at the front of the lecture hall. Most other students were on their phones texting or doing work for other classes.
“Not my fault you’re on probation.”
“Doesn’t the Greek community have to stick together, man?”
“I’m not in your frat, asshole.”
Jin smarted at that. “Yeah, because you’re in a homo frat.”
Homo? Was that the best insult Akanishi could come up with today? He might actually be concerned about his grades. Jun didn’t take kindly to people dissing Alpha Rho Sigma. Sure, they had a rep on campus as a rather tame fraternity, but Jun had made good friends there.
“It’s not a homo frat.”
“Oh yeah? Then what are you doing this weekend, huh? You all sitting around painting your nails or something?”
No. They’d organized a quiet group study night for Saturday. Wow, Jun realized. It was pretty damn lame.
“We’re having a party,” he said quietly, lying through his teeth.
“Oh, is that so?” Jin said, poking him again. “So are we.”
“Keg?”
“Five of ‘em.”
“Girls?”
“More than you’ll get at your homo frat.”
Jun clenched his pen in his fist. He was sick and tired of hearing about Kappa Theta’s wild parties. Nobody ever came to an Alpha Rho Sigma party if the KT’s were lighting it up the same night. It was always a blow to Jun’s pride.
“We’ll have plenty of girls,” Jun argued.
“Fag hags don’t count.”
He turned in his seat, staring at Akanishi’s tired, hungover face. “Listen, dickhead. Our party will kick your party’s ass.”
“Oh yeah? Wanna place a wager?”
Think, Jun thought. Think! The guys were not going to be happy with him, but they had to understand. Kappa Theta’s hold on the campus girls was keeping all of the A Rho Sigs from getting laid - it was their last chance for the semester. What would draw people in?
“Well?” Akanishi asked, adjusting the stupid beanie he was wearing over his probably marijuana scented hair. “Come on, wow me, Matsumoto.”
“I bet you a hundred bucks that A Rho Sig can get Nagase to come.”
Akanishi’s bloodshot eyes widened. “No way.”
“Way,” Jun said, trying to sound as confident as possible. Nagase? Why had he said Nagase? There was no way he’d show...
Jin smiled. “And a hundred bucks says he’ll be showing his dong at the KT party this Saturday. You’re on.”
--
“You said what?” Nakamaru screeched.
“Dude, relax,” Jin said, patting his friend on the shoulder. “We were going to have a party anyhow, right?”
“Wrong!” Ueda called from the kitchen. “It’s finals week, dumb shit!”
“But finals start on Monday. This is Saturday.”
“And my first final is 8 AM Monday,” Nakamaru complained, picking up some trash from the living room floor. “It’s physics, man. I should be studying for it now.”
Jin collapsed on the couch with a sigh. “Don’t be a pussy, Yucchi, come on. All we have to do is put on some music and open the door, and the girls will come. We’re competing against A Rho Sig. A Rho Sig, man, they’ll be watching gay porn or something.”
“Who’s watching gay porn?” Koki asked in confusion as he came downstairs.
“Akanishi’s throwing a party Saturday night,” Ueda said, entering the living room with a sandwich.
“Isn’t it finals week?” Koki wondered.
“Thank you!” Nakamaru grumbled, picking out an empty bag of pretzels from behind Jin.
“But the gay porn?”
The front door opened, and Kame came in looking furious, throwing his backpack on the floor. “How come I just heard from Koyama in Nu Sigma that we’re having a party here on Saturday?”
Jin laughed. “Dude, Pi can’t keep his mouth shut.”
“How come Yamashita knew about this before we did?” Ueda snapped. “We’re the ones who live here!”
“I’ve got a calc study session all day Sunday!” Kame whined. “We’re not having a party!”
“Look,” Jin said. “A Rho Sig is betting that they’ll get Nagase to come.”
“No way,” Ueda said.
“Nagase stays at the downtown bars,” Koki said. “No way he’ll go to an A Rho Sig party. Or a KT party.”
“You guys need to relax,” Jin decided. “You’re never going to pass your exams if you whine and screech like a bunch of girls about one little party. We say we’ve got Nagase, the ladies will come. It’s the end of the school year, alright? Live a little!”
“You’re the one on academic probation,” Kame pointed out.
Koki was starting to come around though, perking up considerably at the idea of the type of girls Nagase could get to drop by. “Let’s...let’s hear him out...”
--
“No,” Sho said decisively.
“But we have leftover funds,” Jun said, showing him the fraternity’s budget in Excel. “You said yourself that we went under for the St. Patrick’s Day party.”
Sho shook his head. “We’ll use it next year. We’ll buy a new foosball table for the rec room.”
“We don’t need a new one,” Jun nagged him. Couldn’t Sho see that they couldn’t afford to lose to Kappa Theta here?
Nino knocked. “There’s money talk going on in here, I can smell it.”
Sho pouted. “Jun says we’re having a party on Saturday night and not only that, but we’ve got a bet going with Kappa Theta about who can get Nagase to come.”
Nino’s eyes widened. “Nagase? The townie?”
“What other Nagase do you know?” Jun snapped.
Nagase was known all over campus. He’d been a student ages ago, an infamous member of Tau Kappa Omicron - the frat that got shut down because their parties had been so crazy. Rumor had it that they’d roasted a goat in their yard or slipped ecstasy into a professor’s drink or went streaking through a university board meeting, but Jun didn’t know what was or wasn’t true.
But once TKO had shut down, Nagase dropped out. He was now a fixture of the college town, out every night partying it up. Nobody knew what he did for a living, but he never went to the campus bars, and he rarely went to campus parties. But Jun was up to the challenge. He had to be, just to wipe that smug grin off Akanishi’s face.
“You really think we could get Nagase?” Nino asked.
“Well, Jin says KT’s gonna have five kegs...”
“...which means we need six,” Nino finished.
Sho looked furious. “No, why are you going along with this?”
“My first final isn’t til Tuesday.”
“We’re having a party?” Ohno asked, poking his head in to Jun’s room.
“Yes,” Jun said as Sho said “Absolutely not.”
Ohno shrugged. “Why don’t we vote?”
--
“Yeah. Okay. Great, thanks. Okay, talk to you later.” Jin snapped his phone shut, and Junno was on pins and needles.
Ever since he’d heard about the party that weekend, he’d been excited. Nobody else on campus was awesome enough to throw a party right before the start of finals week, which meant the girls who would show were going to be fun-loving, naughty girls. Hopefully the kind who liked a few puns before getting under the sheets.
Well, a guy could dream.
“What did he say?” Koki asked.
It was amazing how Jin took charge when there was a party to plan. He usually didn’t care about anything else like frat philanthropy or keeping the common areas clean.
“Well, Pi says that Ryo saw Nagase at Club Kanjani downtown last night. Ryo’s always there lately. But anyway, Pi says he’ll tell Ryo to tell Nagase about the party.”
“That’s good news,” Junno said.
“So what?” Kame complained. “I could go ring Nagase’s doorbell right now and say we’re having a party. That doesn’t mean he’ll come.”
“He’s not gonna come if you all act like whiny bitches,” Jin protested. “Look, if we’re gonna get asses in the door, we need to make sure A Rho Sig gets crashed and shut down.”
“Make it so Nagase can see how lame it is if he shows there?” Ueda asked.
“Yep. We need an inside man.”
“Cause a little chaos at the party, get the cops to show,” Koki nodded. “That’s hilarious.”
“They’re not gonna let one of us in though,” Nakamaru said. “They won’t want any male competition.”
--
“..which is why we need to send a girl to the KT party,” Aiba explained.
“No way,” Sho said. “That’s too dangerous. I don’t want any of my female friends getting roofied at the KT house.”
“You don’t have any female friends, Sakurai,” Nino kindly added.
“Then someone goes in drag,” Jun said. “We get one of us in there and we...”
“Pour bleach in their kegs!” Aiba cried.
“Dude, that’s wrong,” Ohno mumbled.
“That could kill somebody!” Sho shouted.
“Oh,” Aiba said, face growing red. “I got a little excited, sorry.”
“We get one of us in there,” Jun continued, snapping his fingers for attention, “and we pull a fire alarm. Everyone will have to go outside, the girls will leave, the fire truck will show, and they’ll get in trouble for a false alarm.”
“You’re really evil sometimes, Jun,” Sho replied. “But I think that’s our best bet. Nagase always shows up really late. If he hears that KT got shut down, maybe he’ll come to us by default.”
“That’s a bit pessimistic,” Aiba complained. “You mean he wouldn’t come here otherwise?”
“Hey, I’m just covering our asses here. We got two girls to come to the last party. Two! And they were Satoshi’s cousins!”
“They had a nice time,” Ohno said quietly.
--
“Does this look like a department store?” Nakamaru complained, coughing at all the dust in the Kappa Theta house basement. “There’s no way we’ve got any wigs down here.”
“But the ’98 pledge class went to graduation in drag,” Kame explained. “There has to be something down here.”
“Well, you’re the one going over there. I don’t know why I have to help.”
Kame hadn’t realized how bad his luck was until he’d lost the rock-paper-scissors battle for infiltrator. He was the one most against the party on account of his calc study session, and now he had to dress as a girl and enter enemy territory? It wasn’t fair, that was what.
“Just help me, okay? I have to shave my legs tonight, so I don’t think you’ve got it so rough.”
Maru sighed, opening another dusty box. “Okay. There’s a wig here.” He held it up gingerly, disapproving look on his face. It was ratty and red. “What do you think?”
Kame wrinkled his nose. “I have to look like a girl who goes here, not a porn star.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” Maru snapped, shoving the ugly wig back in the box. “It’s not my fault.”
He slid the box cutter through some more tape, prying open another box. “Aha,” Kame said.
“Find something?”
It just needed a wash and maybe some styling, but it was brown and average - like most of the girls who’d probably hit an A Rho Sig party. “Jackpot.”
--
“I really don’t want to know about your hobbies, Masaki,” Becky told him as he and Nino followed her backstage.
“It’s just for a joke,” Nino explained. “Come on, we’ll pay you.”
“Well, all this stuff belongs to the drama department,” she said, gesturing to the mountains and mountains of boxes. Becky still looked a bit confused. “Why couldn’t you go to the costume store again?”
“Because Becky,” Aiba said as smoothly as he could manage, draping an arm around her shoulders, “There’s nobody else I can trust. Just you. You mean everything to me.”
She shoved him off. “Oh, spare me.” She turned her attention to Nino. “He thinks he’s going to get me to go out with him again with lines like that?”
Nino smirked. “He’ll just keep trying. He’s stupid that way.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“Hey!” Aiba protested, pulling the top box off the stack that was labeled ‘Skirts’.
“Party’s on Saturday,” Nino continued. “Maybe you could come? No cover if you help us out.”
Becky crossed her arms. “And why would I go to your party right before finals?”
Nino pointed to him. “Because he won’t be there.”
“Now I’m tempted.”
Aiba dropped the next box. “Hey!”
--
“Taguchi!” Jin called, putting the finishing touches on the email draft. Tomorrow night, the night of nights. Had to get the word out to the most people - had to wipe the smile off Matsumoto’s face. “Hey! Taguchi!”
Junno appeared at Jin’s door seconds later. “Knock knock!”
“Got a question for you.”
“I said ‘knock knock’ okay? Don’t you know how that works? You’re supposed to say ‘who’s there?’ and then I say...”
“Fuck off. Your email address is Taguchi dot Junnosuke at yada yada dot edu?”
“Yeah. Why?”
He typed it in. “And your password?”
“Why would you need my email password?”
Jin typed in ‘123456’ and was immediately granted access. He copied and pasted his draft into a new mail message. “Never mind.”
Junno headed off, and Jin hit send. Immediately, his campus email pinged. It was a real thing of beauty.
Taguchi’s scream could be heard throughout the house. “WHAT THE FUCK, AKANISHI?!?!”
--
Jun’s email pinged. “ATTN: Students. PLZ READ. IMPORTANT.”
Something from the campus-wide mailing list...wait? Who was Junnosuke Taguchi?
He clicked, reading aloud. “Attention campus. Tomorrow night, please come to the....pimps up, hos down party at Kappa Theta house?!”
Underhanded bastards. Everyone was going to be impressed by KT’s daring. Using the campus network like that. It was genius. Alpha Rho Sigma didn’t even HAVE a theme for the party on account of it being last minute.
Jun hurried from the room, not even bothering to knock on Aiba’s door. He was somehow unsurprised to see the other boy standing in front of the mirror, squeezing whatever he was using for fake boobs in his borrowed purple dress.
“Change of plans,” Jun said, and Aiba jumped. Oddly, he didn’t stop fondling himself.
“What do you mean change of plans?”
“It’s a pimps and hos party now,” he explained, pointing to Aiba’s dress. “You need to skank up. Go back and get some sluttier clothes.”
“This is embarrassing enough, Jun!”
“Either way, you need different clothes. Should I go see Becky instead then?”
Aiba started stripping immediately, and Jun turned away with a groan.
“I hate this stupid party.”
--
Ueda frowned. “Why the hell did he promise five kegs? Why do we need five?”
Koki shrugged. “Sounds pretty awesome though when you say, ‘hey, there’s a party with five kegs tonight, we should totally go.’”
“Well yeah,” he said as the liquor store guys started loading them up in the back of Koki’s van. “But five? We’re going to have to charge ten bucks at the door. Nobody’s going to pay ten bucks.”
“Seven for ladies?” Koki asked, eyes twinkling as the next keg went rolling into the van.
“This isn’t even going on your credit card, Tanaka. It’s going on mine.”
“True.” Koki looked nervous. “You think Jin’ll be pissed we didn’t buy Heineken?”
“I’m not buying five kegs of Heineken. I don’t care how much ass I’d get.”
“Should we get a case, just to be safe?”
Ueda smacked him. “We have five kegs of beer, Koki, come on. We don’t need a case on top of it.”
“A six pack?”
--
Sho and Ohno rolled up in Sho’s Pathfinder just as the van pulled out of the liquor store parking lot. “I thought you were going to call ahead,” Sho complained. “The party’s tonight and you were in charge of the beer order.”
“I forgot,” Ohno said sheepishly. “I had a paper due.”
“But you got an extension!”
Ohno held the door, bell chiming as they entered. “Oh. Right.”
They approached the counter, Sho looking increasingly angry. Ohno hoped they’d still be able to complete their order. Who else was really throwing a keg party this weekend?
The guy was immediately suspicious. “You’re not from the Kappa Theta party are you? How much do you guys drink?”
“Oh!” Sho said, “We’re from a different frat. We didn’t place an order though. Can we still have a few kegs delivered around 9:00 tonight?”
The employee raised an eyebrow. “A few?”
“Um. Six, if you have six,” Ohno answered.
“For one party?”
“Yes,” Ohno and Sho said.
“At one place?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve still got PBR and one Blue Moon if you’re feeling adventurous. Probably could get you a few kegs of Milwaukee’s Best delivered too. Got a guy that knows a guy.”
“Milwaukee’s Best...” Sho frowned.
“I like it,” Ohno said.
“It’s not Keystone,” the employee said, trying to give it a positive spin.
“He’ll drink anything,” Sho replied.
Ohno smiled. Yeah, that was true. This was usually why they made sure Sho helped him pick up the drinks.
“So we can’t get six kegs?” Sho asked.
“The guys before you had five reserved. There’s the place off of route 28, but the junior college just finished their semester. No way you’ll find anything good there for tonight.”
Ohno felt embarrassed. This was his fault. They weren’t going to get a lot of girls to show up for Milwaukee’s Best.
“We’ll take the PBR and the Blue Moon,” Sho said, getting out his wallet. “How many PBR?”
“Just two.”
“Shit,” Sho grumbled under his breath. It was half of what Jun had claimed they’d have. If word got to Nagase...
Ohno felt sick to his stomach as he took out his wallet. The frat would reimburse him, right? At least part of the way? He slapped down his credit card on the counter, surprising Sho. “Three bottles of Stoli, 2 Captain, 2 Cuervo and a Jager.”
“Satoshi,” Sho muttered, “We don’t have the cash for that...”
He swallowed. “I...I’m graduating in fall. I...I got this.”
The employee seemed impressed, ringing up the purchase and taking down their reserve order for the night. “Where’s the party?”
“Alpha Rho Sigma house.”
“Wait, you guys are A Rho Sigs? I thought you guys just drank O’Douls and wine coolers?”
Ohno watched the vein on Sho’s neck bulge a bit. He didn’t take criticism well. “Just ring it up.”
--
“You smell like a Bath and Body Works,” Koki teased as Kame finished zipping up the skirt.
“I got different body wash for this. You guys owe me.”
“You’re going to have to change your voice if you want them to believe you.” Koki took a step back and squinted at him.
Kame turned, checking out his ass in the mirror, adjusting the wig to his satisfaction. “Well?”
“You are one ugly chick.”
“Shut up.”
--
“Just pull the fire alarm, alright? Don’t poison stuff,” Nino said, shoving more kleenex into Aiba’s bra. “And if you see Nagase?”
“Try to get him to leave with me, yeah, I know. Jun told me.”
“He’ll probably be plastered already if he shows up at KT house. You won’t have to be all that feminine.”
Aiba took the tube of lipstick Nino held out. “I can be feminine. I understand women.”
“Supplying your own condoms does not mean you understand women.” Nino held up the perfume bottle. “Close your mouth.”
--
Nakamaru sighed as Jin nearly tumbled down the steps. “Are you already drunk? There’s nobody here yet!” he complained, getting the money box ready since he had first shift for door duty.
Jin smiled. “I have a good feeling about tonight, man. Loosen up.”
“You used Junno’s email to send out the party notice. He might get expelled.”
Jin waved his hand dismissively, taking a flask out of his pimp coat pocket. “Sometimes I think you pledged the wrong fraternity, man.”
“Whatever.” The doorbell rang. It seemed like the email had worked.
--
Jun opened the door.
“Got three kegs here for Alpha Rho Sigma house?”
“Three?” he stood aside and let the guy start wheeling them in. “What do you mean three?”
Ohno was coming down the stairs. “Oh yeah...about that...”
--
“You’re not a pimp,” Junno complained, frowning at Ueda’s shirt. “You’re a pirate.”
Ueda put on a suit coat over his ruffly shirt. “Well, I didn’t know we were doing a theme until five minutes ago!”
“Don’t you check your email?”
“I’ve been studying! You know, when I wasn’t at the liquor store paying for five kegs!”
Junno was rummaging through his closet. “Do you have anything that would work as a pimp cane?”
“Get out of my room!”
--
Jun was fuming as he set the cups up, and Sho was doing his best to steer clear. Three kegs, not six. Even the Facebook page they’d set up hastily the night before had advertised six kegs. Well, maybe nobody would really ask about it, Sho hoped.
Becky was already markering her name onto her red plastic cup. “My sorority sisters and I saw Masaki leaving when we got here.”
“Oh?”
She handed him the cup, and he filled it for her. “He looked like a prostitute.”
“That was the idea,” Jun said.
Sho handed it back to her. “Did it make you hot?”
She laughed, heading back to her girlfriends in the other room. “Bite me!”
--
Jin was loud and slurring, and Kame had to hold the phone away from his ear. It was difficult enough to talk and walk in the heeled shoes. How did girls do this all the time?
“Hey, you pick up the back-up plan already?”
“No!” Kame shouted back at him.
“What’s taking so long?”
“His mom’s dropping him off at the library.”
“Well, hurry up, would you? The sooner we get the Sigs shut down, the quicker we can get Nagase to show up.”
“It’s only 10:00!”
“Oh shit, there’s Tri-Delt hotties here. Gotta run!”
“Jin?” Dial tone. Kame rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”
--
There was already a line stretching down the front walk at the Kappa Theta house, and Aiba sighed. He hoped that the line back at the house was just as impressive. They’d made a Facebook group and invited everyone in the university network after KT had attacked with the campus-wide email.
He was slightly embarrassed for the girls in front of him, short skirts and stilettos. A Rho Sig would never have such a demeaning party theme. Then again, maybe this was why A Rho Sig rarely attracted girls who’d put out.
The guy taking money was in a sweater vest, but with a feathered pimp hat. Well, KT house was full of interesting characters. The guy eyed him suspiciously. “That’ll be seven dollars, please.”
He pulled the ten dollar bill out of his fake cleavage, hoping the kleenex wouldn’t come with it. “Here you are,” he said in his girliest voice.
The guy looked a little put off but gave him the change and an empty cup. “Have a good time. Give your friends a call too, okay?”
“Sure, cutie.” Aiba beamed and headed inside, wanting to immediately shower. This was the worst night ever.
--
“My friend Kate said that A Rho Sig has a keg of Blue Moon,” the girl said, running her finger up and down the sleeve of Koki’s jacket.
“Sure, but we’ve got the hottest guys, right?”
“I love Blue Moon though.” She was writhing and grinding in his lap, and suddenly, Koki wanted to buy a case of Blue Moon.
“If I...um...if I could get you some...would you, uh...”
She smiled, tapping his belt buckle. “Oh. Definitely.”
He moved her off and onto the couch beside him, getting up and patting his pockets for his wallet. Sometimes Jin had good ideas.
--
They may have only had three kegs, but Nino didn’t care. Satoshi had picked up some Captain, and he had a stash of Coca-Cola under his bed. Things were looking up as he meandered through the surprisingly large crowd. More guys than he would have liked, but Becky had gotten most of her sorority sisters to come - and even better, they’d brought friends from another school who were visiting for some sisterhood something or other.
He passed by someone who looked like the youngest freshman ever, spotting a rather quiet girl standing by the framed Yankees poster Nino had contributed to the living room decor. “Not a Red Sox fan are you?” he asked, checking out her rather nice legs.
“Oh no,” she said, turning around to wink at him. Her voice was a little deep, but Nino was on drink number four so who cared? “My heart belongs to Jeter.”
Nino almost choked on his drink. “Really?”
She smiled. It was a pretty nice smile. “I pitched in high school though.”
He took another sip, already liking this girl quite a bit. “Softball?”
She blinked. “Right. The softball team.”
“I was a pitcher, too,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “You know, I’ve got a few games on tape upstairs...”
“From high school?”
“Just if you want to compare. I mean, pitcher to pitcher.”
“I don’t even know your name.”
This was going really well. A lot faster than it usually did. Maybe he needed to loosen up like this more. “You can call me Nino.”
She smiled again. “You can call me...uh...Cammy.”
--
“I bet you have really strong muscles if you’re a boxer,” the brunette said, downing the rest of her beer. “Can we see?”
Ueda grinned, pulling off his lame excuse for a pimp coat. Where the hell had Akanishi gone? He was supposed to be running the music. He’d already heard What’s Your Fantasy by Ludacris four times.
“Ooh,” the blonde said, giving his arm a squeeze. “Stronger than you look, definitely.”
“Thanks.” No, seriously, where had Jin gone? Maybe he was already upstairs with someone. Some host. Things were looking promising with these girls, but he was taking over at the door for Nakamaru in half an hour. He’d be cutting it awfully close.
Junno walked by, talking animatedly with one of the strangest looking girls Ueda had ever seen. Hopefully, Nagase would show up and bring some nicer looking girls with.
--
Jun watched Nino head upstairs with a rather ugly girl. But good for him, Jun thought. He was doing much better than Jun was at present.
“I mean, he took me to Chuck E. Cheese. That’s not a date,” Becky was slurring, spilling beer out of her cup and onto Jun’s shirt as she sat curled up against him on the couch. “We’re in college, you know, and he spent the whole time competing against this eight year old kid in skeeball!”
“That sucks. He doesn’t always think,” Jun said with a nod. He reached for her cup. “You need a refill?” Anything to get away from the girl. Aiba, Aiba, Aiba. For nearly an hour it had been Aiba - Aiba who hadn’t called Jun yet to say the fire alarm at the KT house had been pulled.
But Becky leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. “He’s so cute though. Don’t you like how he looks when he smiles?”
“Not really,” Jun said, growing more and more uncomfortable. If he was a Kappa Theta, he could just take advantage of Becky and make her forget Aiba ever existed. It was a tempting thought, but he wasn’t that much of a dick.
He scanned the room as Becky started up again with the Chuck E. Cheese story for the sixth time. Lots of girls. Very promising. Maybe not as many as KT had, but a lot more than they’d ever had in the house before. And Nagase might bring more. A few guys too - Sho’s grad student friend Junichi had girls all over him, Jun’s lab partner Shun kept shooting beer bongs, and then there was the one guy who looked really young.
“Hey,” he said, nudging Becky. “You know that kid?”
“He’s got a pretty smile, and his tongue...wow.”
Jun shuddered, detangling himself from her. Aiba, Aiba, Aiba! “Never mind. I’ll go get you that refill.”
--
“So like, we got new cabinets and counters last fall,” Junno explained to Mary, trying not to stare at her tight corset top. “Gift from one of our frat brothers from the pledge class of ’01.”
“That’s pretty nice.” Mary seemed to be looking for something, but Junno wasn’t sure what in the kitchen she needed. There was just the keg area and the long line waiting for it. “What happens if there’s a kitchen fire?”
“A kitchen fire?” he asked, taking another sip from his cup. “Uh, well, we’ve got a smoke detector, like most kitchens, right?”
“Oh. Right.” Was Mary just into kitchens? Fire safety? He decided to turn on the charm.
“Hey Mary. You like jokes?”
“Sure.” Her eyes were still looking all over the kitchen. She’d barely touched her beer.
“So like, if H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?”
“Red paint?”
“Nope! K-9-P!”
He usually expected girls to smile politely at his jokes. He didn’t expect Mary to double over in laughter, smacking his back like Junno’s joke had been the greatest thing she’d ever heard.
“K-9-P!” Mary squealed, her laugh sounding kind of like a guy crossed with a hyena. A hyena with emphysema.
Junno grinned from ear to ear. “You liked that one huh? Wait til I tell you the one about Snoop Dogg and the umbrella!”
--
Sho was on the kitchen floor giggling with a few scantily clad girls lying beside him. “Satoshi!” he cried. “No more Jager bombs!”
Ohno smiled. He was glad he’d gone ahead and bought the extra liquor. Lots of the girls were happy with the drinks he was missing, and so was his frat brother. “Okay, you stick to beer, alright?”
He felt someone tugging on his sleeve. Ohno turned to see a boy, probably a freshman he looked so young, looking at him expectantly. “How do I use the keg?”
“Uh...you don’t know how to use the pump?” It must have been his first party, poor kid. “Let me show you.”
The kid was close, uncomfortably so. He was nearly attached to Ohno at the hip as he put beer in the kid’s cup. He handed it back, spying the kid’s name written on it. “Here you are, uh, Yuri?”
“That’s me,” the kid replied with a smile, raising the cup to his mouth. He looked a little nervous.
“You...you are old enough to be here, right?” This was, of course, a stupid question since most people here were probably under 21.
“Uh...yeah. Yeah.”
Ohno went back to mix some drinks for the next round of cute girls who approached, but Yuri was still on him. He stirred some cranberry juice in with the Stoli. “Uh...can I help you, Yuri?”
“You’re a senior right? You seem, like, so much more mature than the other guys here.”
He handed the cup to the girl with the nice boobs, and she walked off without a thank you. Great. Missed opportunity thanks to a cockblocking freshman. “I guess so,” he answered. He rarely lost his temper, but this kid was going to be up his ass if he got any closer.
“Satoshi!” Sho called from the floor. “I changed my mind!”
He grabbed the bottle of Jager, trying desperately to ignore the creepy kid. “One more Jager bomb, coming right up.”
--
“Where the hell are you going?” Maru screeched, tugging on the sleeve of Jin’s pimp coat.
“Dude, lemme go, Pi and Tegoshi are waiting.”
“But you’re supposed to be hosting THIS party,” he complained, trying to slow Jin’s stumbling progress down the stairs.
“They’ve got some foreign exchange students doing body shots at Club Kanjani, man. Ryo’s saving me a real slutty one!”
Maru growled, trying to shake some sense into him. “But this was all your idea! What about Nagase?”
“Man, fuck Nagase,” Jin slurred, missing a step and clinging to the bannister. “Foreign poontang, Yucchi. You’d understand if you had a dick.”
“I have a...” He didn’t feel like saying that out loud with all these girls gathered around. He let Jin go. “Selfish asshole.”
Jin adjusted the pimp hat on his head before opening the door. “Oh, and you better go ahead and call the cops. Kame never checked in. See you later, bitches!”
--
Why wasn’t Jin calling? He was supposed to call and let him know the cops were on the way to break up the A Rho Sigs’ party. Instead, he was stuck in this Nino guy’s room, trying to smile as the guy felt up his legs.
“I bet you ran a lot for softball team,” the guy slurred, his shitty quality high school baseball tape flickering on the screen across the room. “You’ve got nice legs.”
“Yeah, lots of running.” Kame bit his lip, sloshing around the ice cubes in his cup. “Could I get a refill?”
“Anything for a Jeter fan,” Nino said with a grin, making sure their fingers touched as he took the cup and stumbled out of the room.
Kame sighed as soon as he was gone. His wig was making his head so hot, and his feet were killing him. He just hoped the Chinen kid wasn’t too wasted downstairs - the last thing Kame needed was a night in the emergency room watching a high schooler get his stomach pumped.
He took his phone out of the crappy little handbag they’d found in the KT house basement. Of course, Jin’s number was busy. He was probably occupied with a girl or five. He clicked down to Koki. Also busy. What the hell was going on at the house? He was startled when his phone rang.
Yuichi Nakamaru.
“Dude, what the fuck?” he answered angrily. “Jin was supposed to call!”
“Sorry, man, he just left.”
“What do you mean he left? It’s his party!”
“I don’t know, Kame. Something about foreigners and poontang and Yamashita. But look, I called to report your party, but they said they’d already gotten a noise complaint so there may already be cops on the way.”
“What? You were supposed to give me a heads up about the cops! What the fuck is with you guys tonight?” He turned angrily at the sound of a cup of liquid hitting the floor. “Oh...shit.”
Nino was staring at him, mouth hanging open like a dead fish.
“Kame? Kame, you there?”
“You’re...you’re a guy!” Nino cried, looking horrified.
“I can explain.” That was when he heard a loud-pitched squeal on the other end of the line. It sounded like someone had pulled the fire alarm. He cried out, dropping the phone in surprise.
“I was going to have sex with you!” Nino screamed, picking up a Louisville Slugger from behind the door. “You said you were a fan of Jeter!”
Kame held up his hands, trying to figure how he could make a quick exit, but the three inch heels were going to be a serious problem. “Whoa, hold on now. I’m still a Jeter fan, buddy.”
And then there were police sirens.
--
He fled the KT house as fast as his heels could carry him. The alarm had been in the pantry, and Aiba had had to sacrifice a bit of his manhood in order to pull it. Okay, the lights had been off, so it wasn’t that awful letting that Junno guy grab his ass and lick his neck. It had actually felt kind of good once he pretended it was just Becky with an Adam’s apple.
The guy was pretty funny, too. Aiba shuddered in the night air. The less he thought about this night, the better.
“Wait!” he heard from behind him. Oh shit. “Wait! Mary! We have to gather in the designated area!”
Aiba kicked off the heels and took off. “I’m really scared! I’m going home!” he called back over his shoulder.
“Mary! I think I love you!”
“Oh Jesus,” Aiba grumbled, running as fast as humanly possible. It couldn’t get any worse than this.
--
“Is there a problem, officer?” Jun asked nervously, waving for Sho’s drunken ass to turn down the stereo.
“We got word of some underage drinking here,” the mean-looking cop said, the name ‘Nakai’ etched on his name tag.
“No, this is a 21 and over party, sir!” Sho called, giving the officer a thumbs up.
“Alright,” the cop said, shoving Jun out of the doorway. “Where’s Yuri Chinen? Is there a Yuri Chinen here tonight?”
Jun looked around. He’d never heard that name before, but suddenly, that freshman-looking kid poked his head out from behind Ohno. He could already hear people sneaking out through the back door in the kitchen.
“Come over here, son,” Officer Nakai ordered, and the kid stumbled over, obviously intoxicated. “Let’s see some ID.”
The kid hiccuped. “I only have my school ID, sir.”
“That’s fine, hand it over.”
Jun’s eyes widened as soon as he saw it. “That’s...”
“Mr. Chinen, what year in school are you?”
“Um, a sophomore.”
“In college?” Officer Nakai asked, looking angrier by the second.
“Um...not exactly?”
And that was when Nino chased a guy in girl clothes (who was carrying a wig in his hand) down the stairs with a baseball bat. “You get back here! You are unworthy of being a Derek Jeter fan, you bastard!”
Nakai called for back-up.
--
“I was this close, Tatsuya, I swear to god!” Koki was complaining as they huddled in the street, seeing as how they’d had little time to grab their clothes once the fire alarm went off. “I bought four cases of Blue Moon, and I swear, she was just getting my pants off...”
“I don’t smell any smoke,” Ueda interrupted. “You think it’s a false alarm?”
“We can’t afford this,” Nakamaru grumbled, money box secure under his arm. At least someone had thought to bring it in case the house was going up in flames. “We seriously can’t. This party is awful. They’ll pull us in for a false alarm and more once they start checking IDs.”
“Where the hell did Jin go?” Koki asked.
“Club Kanjani.”
Ueda sighed. “Sometimes I think he’s smarter than all of us.”
--
The punch dropped Jin to the floor, and he cried out in pain. It was a good night to be working at Club Kanjani, the bartender thought. “What the fuck did you do that for? Ow! God damn it!”
Yamashita and Ryo were laughing instead of helping him up, at least until the girl and the rest of her foreign friends started walking off.
“Wait!” Tegoshi screamed. “Wait, come back! He was just joking about the orgy! Nooooo!”
“Akanishi, you asshole!” Ryo cried.
Murakami snorted, filling a beer for a less retarded customer. “Are they for real?”
Yoko laughed, adding money to the register. “Wanna call the cops?”
“They were soliciting sex after all,” Murakami noted.
Yoko picked up the phone and dialed as the four idiots started shoving each other, trying to blame one another for their complete failure as men.
“Yes, I’d like to report some drunk and disorderly customers. Yes, Club Kanjani.”
--
He’d had one Jager bomb too many and leaned against Jun for support. “How did that kid get in? He was sixteen.”
“Get off me,” Jun complained, trying to shrug him off.
Sho wanted to barf. The four of them (minus Aiba) were on one side of the holding cell while four of the Kappa Theta guys (including the one in the mini skirt) sat on the other.
“This is just great,” Nino complained, staring at the crossdressing one. “Why do we have to be in here with them?”
“Shut up!” the one with the crazy hair shouted. “I was gonna get laid!”
“We all were,” the quieter one at his side whined.
“Where the hell is Junno?” the crossdresser asked.
All this talk was giving Sho a headache. Where was Aiba?
--
“Look, I don’t think we’re right for each other,” Mary was saying, sitting on the curb and rubbing her foot. He’d finally caught up with her.
“You got a boyfriend?”
“Um, well...no, not exactly a boyfriend.”
“Friend with benefits?” he asked her. “Because I’m all for that sort of thing too.”
“It’s a...” Mary paused, looking embarrassed. “It’s a girlfriend. Well, I want her to be my girlfriend.”
This definitely piqued Junno’s interest. Definitely. “Oh really?”
“Yeah.”
He leaned over, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Mary’s ear...that is, until he tugged a little too hard and all of Mary’s hair came off.
“Oh...I...oh...wait...what?”
Everything came crashing down, and Mary (who was definitely not Mary now that Junno could see the kleenex sticking out of the side of her top) was smirking. Junno had touched her ass. No. Wait. Junno had touched HIS ass. Oh...oh god!
“Sorry.”
Junno got up, tripping over his own feet a few times before stumbling back in the direction of the house. “I...I think I need to go study for my history exam. Been a lovely evening. Bye. Nicetomeetyoubyebyenow.”
--
Officer Nakai opened up the cell and shoved four more guys in to sit on the bench in the middle. “And you stay there! Idiots.”
“That Akanishi?” Sho asked him, gesturing to the one with the quickly developing black eye.
“Yep.” And his usual crew too - Yamashita, Tegoshi, Nishikido. It looked like nobody was going to win the bet in the end.
“Fucking bitch hit me. I hope she goes back to Latvia and dies! Where the fuck is Latvia anyway? Is that even a real place?” Jin was whining, holding a napkin filled with ice against his face.
“Serves you right,” the Kappa Theta in the sweater vest said. “And yes it’s real.”
“Capital is Riga,” Sho mumbled.
“Shut up, all of you!” Officer Nakai shouted from his desk where he was probably writing up reports for all twelve of them.
They passed the next two hours in relative silence, Jin’s whining about his black eye the only real noise. Jun was mortified - his parents were going to kill him. He stared at the floor glumly.
Finally, Jun looked up at the sound of footsteps. Officer Nakai opened the cell door, escorting in a tall guy with greasy hair. Could it be?
“It’s him,” the crossdresser was saying. “From Tau Kappa Omicron...”
“Listen up, little boys,” the guy said, and Jun knew immediately that it was the real deal. “This won’t go on your permanent records, and I’ve just paid bail for each and every one of you...”
“Oh! Thank god! Oh man! Oh wow! Thank you so much! Thank you!” Sweater Vest cried, launching himself to wrap himself around Nagase’s ankle.
“Don’t interrupt!” Nagase complained, trying to push the kid away with the tip of his shoe. “Now you listen and you listen good. I don’t know what you were trying to do, but it’s not cool, understand? This campus was founded on two things, boys, and that’s a moderately satisfactory college education and partying. Now tonight, you took the spirit of partying, and you made it worthless. The Greek system is supposed to unite, not divide. Now I got word from your MySpace or your Twitter or whatever that you wanted me to show up tonight. And I would have, boys, if you hadn’t devalued the spirit of partying.”
He crossed his arms, meeting each of their eyes in turn.
“The spirit of partying is that first beer out of the keg. You know it’s half foam, but it’s the first one, and boy does it satisfy. The spirit of partying is that drunk girl whose long-distance boyfriend just dumped her and needs a shoulder to cry on. Gentlemen, the spirit of partying is that beer pong victory at 3 AM when every self-respecting asshole has already gone home. And tonight you took that spirit and kicked it in the damn nads. Fire alarms and crossdressing and sending in high school kids is just not cool, boys. Just not cool. You embarrass me, you embarrass my TKO brethren, and you embarrass yourselves. You could have joined up, had one kick-ass party to end all parties. But you let different Greek letter combinations tear you apart. I want you to take tonight and make it a life lesson. Parties are about coming together and getting drunk, but not so drunk that you can’t get it up when it counts. Take what I’ve told you. Take this message into next school year. These are the best damn years of your life. As the great poet Gene Simmons wrote, ‘I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day.’ Don’t squander this time, alright? Thank you, and god bless.”
Nagase turned around without another word, only holding his fist up victoriously as he departed the station.
Akanishi took the napkin of ice off his eye.
“Who the fuck was that guy?”