A Game of Scones, Part 2/4
A Game of Scones, Chapters 3-4
Chapter 3: A Storm of Swords
Kato Shigeaki didn't know Matsuoka-senpai that well. Sure they worked with the TOKIO members at Countdown and in the occasional acting job, but on the whole, they'd never really interacted much. It seemed that there was a contract on the table now, and Kei-chan had signed it, committing NEWS to some sort of secret agreement with their senpai.
The two groups were celebrating the contract at Matsuoka's house, and Shige was rather surprised at how raucous a TOKIO party could get. He was nursing his second beer, but Matsuoka was trying to round all his kohai up for a round of sake bombs. Nagase had his arm around Tegoshi's neck, rather possessively so, and Shige downed the rest of his beer and looked away. Kei-chan really had been serious about the terms of the agreement. And it really irritated Shige to have been excluded from the original dinner meeting - he was the only one really qualified to look over the contract, after all - and Kei had just gone ahead and signed it without even calling him.
"Sake bomb, sake bomb!" Yamapi was cheering, already loosened up and noisy while Shige ran into Ryo-chan at Matsuoka's fridge.
"So," Shige said, "what do you think of all this then?" He hadn't seen Ryo in a while, and the man had been rather quiet. He wondered if there was something going on with Kanjani8 and Countdown, not that Ryo ever really acted like he favored one group over another.
Ryo opened the fridge, grabbing beers for them both. "I think this is just an excuse to get plastered and not have to worry about your credit card getting rejected at the bar."
Shige raised an eyebrow. "That happen to you a lot?"
Ryo just smiled, twisting off the bottle top. "No comment."
"Shige!"
Oh no, this one he couldn't avoid. "Shige," he said in response as TOKIO's leader shuffled over to him, holding a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.
Joshima didn't seem to know why there was a party going on, but he didn't seem to care. "Ah, it's good to bond like this, isn't it? I miss seeing you every day."
It hadn't been that long ago that they'd been in a play together, but Shige just nodded. "Yeah. Well...yeah."
Joshima held out the bottle. "Want some? Taichi's got spies everywhere and says..." Leader hiccuped, "...says you're a few beers behind your friends."
He was a few beers behind because he seemed to actually value his liver, Shige thought bitterly. But Matsuoka was loading up another round of sake bombs, and Kei-chan, Nagase, Tegoshi, Massu, and Yamaguchi were lined up ready for more. It made Shige want to barf.
He held up his bottle and smiled. "No, I'm good. Thank you, Shige."
Joshima hugged him awkwardly. "NEWS is great. You guys are great. Have a great time. I love you."
Shige backed away, wanting to be anywhere but at this bizarre party. After two more sake bombs, Kei came stumbling over, falling on top of Shige on Matsuoka's couch. "Shige," Kei cried. "Oh Shige, we did it. We're going to host Countdown!"
"All we've done is whore out Tegoshi," Shige pointed out. "We haven't asked Johnny-san about it yet."
Kei just waved his hand dismissively, hugging Shige around the neck. "I love NEWS. I love you guys."
"You know who else does? Joshima-kun, so why don't you go hug him?"
"Shige, you're mean, but only because you love NEWS too," Kei laughed, and Shige had to admit that he hadn't seen his friend so happy in the longest time. To be fair, he was wasted, but he was still ridiculously happy. And that made Shige happy.
He looked over to see Tegoshi sitting in Nagase's lap, pouring a can of Sapporo down the large man's gullet, and he shuddered. "I don't think anyone loves NEWS as much as Tegoshi does right now."
"Countdown!" Kei shouted one last time before vomiting in Shige's lap.
--
Tanaka Koki had worked with Kame for many years. And in that time, he'd come to understand that Kame wasn't one to back down from anything. Koki had to admire that about him, even if it made Kame kind of an asshole from time to time. It was time for yet another meeting in the northern end of the Tokyo metropolitan area, and the staff at the Great Wall restaurant didn't even seem surprised as Koki entered with his solemn black garb.
He slid open the door to their private room, spying Kame already inside with his damn iPad. Koki had intentionally kept his phone off the past few days, mostly because all the messages he'd been receiving were from Kame re: Countdown. Now Koki wasn't entirely averse to hosting the end of the year celebration. Koki liked any excuse to meet up with people from the jimusho, maybe talk a senpai into taking him for drinks, maybe treat his juniors to a meal in hopes of being voted Best Senpai Ever.
But Koki was still a little unsure of hosting Countdown with Kame in charge. Kame would want to somehow incorporate some crazy Dream Boys-style wire work and fan dancing and most likely some elaborate water cannons, but everyone knew that Tackey was the only one who got to fly around at New Year's these days. If Kame got KAT-TUN in as hosts and tried to pull a stunt like that, it would just make KAT-TUN go down, down, down in everyone's favor, and he simply couldn't bear to see that happen. Koki knew that people didn't watch Countdown for water cannons, anyhow - they watched it for rare fan service possibilities.
He sat down at Kame's side, accepting the hot towel from the waitress. "Ah, Kame, I figured you'd be here already."
Kame didn't even look up from his iPad. He merely gestured to the Lazy Susan at the center of the table where he'd left several file folders. Koki took a glance at them - Kame had neatly labeled each folder with each member's name, and Koki took the one designated for himself.
Inside he found something that made his heart stop. In the smallest font possible, Kame had typed up a "KAT-TUN Fight Plan" that went on for several pages, double-sided, about how they could make Johnny-san like them enough to allow them to host Countdown. Koki's eyes started to blur after Kame's suggestion of buying Johnny-san a new "extra manly" Prada handbag.
He set the folder down and squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Kazuya."
Kame finally looked up, dark circles under his eyes. Darker than his usual stressed-out dark circles. And he had crazy eyes. "Koki," Kame grinned. "Koki, do you like the battle plan? Tat-chan's going to be late because I asked him to pick up some of my flowcharts from the Kinko's. I got a great deal, buy twenty charts, get five free! With color ink!"
Koki could only see Ueda now, most likely dumping Kame's precious flowcharts into the nearest garbage dumpster because he didn't want to be seen putting them in his car. "Don't you think this is a bit...much?"
Kame released his death grip on the iPad, setting it down on top of his own "Kamenashi Kazuya" file folder that had been decorated with baseball stickers. "But winter is coming."
"I'm well aware of that fact, thank you, but..." He scanned the list again. "Do you really think 'ordering Johnny-san a foreign prostitute in a gender of his choosing' is something that'll actually endear us to him?"
Kame shrugged. "I listed a ton of options." He grabbed a colorful box from his other side. "I figured we'd all cast votes. Look how cute this voting box is! I didn't sleep last night so I could decorate it! Look at all the glitter!"
Koki shut his eyes. "Kame, I want to host Countdown with you, I really do." He really didn't. "And I think your heart's in the right place, but I can't...I don't think bribery of this scale is going to work."
"Is it not enough?" Kame asked, frowning. He grabbed his iPad again. "Let me go to my bank's website and check how much I've got in my savings account. I'm not averse to getting Johnny-san a boat if I can get a good leasing price..."
Koki finally yanked the iPad away. "Stop. Just...would you listen to yourself? You aren't sleeping, you're contemplating buying the head of our agency a boat, and nobody else is here. Does that reach you? Taguchi's not here, Nakamaru's not here. And why? Because you're scaring them."
Kame shrugged. "But Tat-chan..."
"I highly doubt he is waiting in line at Kinko's right now, Kame, I really doubt it."
Kame frowned, reaching into his pocket for his phone. He flipped it open and clicked down to the most recent message in his inbox. The subject was again "Countdown" and this time, the message wasn't just "winter is coming" - now it said "winter is coming" with at least twenty emoji of a devil's face after it.
"It's a threat, Koki," Kame said seriously. "That devil means business. It means we have to take this seriously or we won't get anywhere."
"It's emoji."
Kame moved his phone away from Koki's line of sight. "It's a threat."
"They're cute, though."
Kame looked at the message on his phone one last time before staring at all the work he'd left laying on the table and the fact that none of his other bandmates had shown up to read it. "I really want to host Countdown, Koki," Kame admitted, putting his phone away.
"I get that."
"You really don't think Johnny-san would want a Prada bag?" Kame's fingers brushed across the folders. "We'd need a miracle."
Koki knew exactly what might be able to win them the hosting prize. It might not necessarily make Johnny-san happy, but if they came to him with such a suggestion, it would definitely impress him. Maybe that was what they needed. He watched Kame continue to fret over his folders.
"Let me talk to Taguchi," Koki said gently. "If anyone can find us a miracle, it's him."
--
It had been a while since they'd met up for a meal, and Hina was grateful to talk to someone who wasn't in a debuted group. At least he wouldn't be a competitor, Hina thought as he entered the small restaurant in Shibuya and found his friend sitting in the back.
He was disguised in a pair of glasses and a baseball cap, but there was no mistaking Ikuta Toma as he stood up and waved Hina over to the table. "It's been a while," Toma said with a friendly smile as they took their seats.
"Yeah, a busy year for us. And you too."
They made small talk about 24 Hour TV and Toma's stage plays and movies as they ate, and it wasn't until the meal ended that Toma dropped the bombshell.
"So you're staying with Aiba-kun, huh?" Toma said, voice sounding completely different from the cheer he'd had the remainder of the meal.
"Uh..." Word sure got around fast. Not that Hina had particularly enjoyed waking up on Aiba's couch that morning to find a naked Aiba frying eggs in the kitchen as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Hina was still recovering from that horror. He had initially assumed it was more Arashi psychological warfare, but since it was Aiba-chan and he was kind of an idiot, he wasn't entirely sure. "Yeah, yeah I'm staying with him for the time being."
Toma shook his head. "You have to get out of there."
Hina laughed. "What? Why?"
He leaned forward conspiratorially. "Winter is coming."
"Oh Toma-kun, not you too!" Great, had everyone in the jimusho gotten the message? Wasn't there one person left he could talk to?
Toma was insistent, thumping his fist on the table. "You can't trust them, Hina. Arashi. They're after you."
Even though Hina was starting to come around to that point himself, he didn't really want to believe it. All of them had grown up together, hadn't they? Worn stupid costumes together, gone through puberty together, gone to each other's houses together?
"How do you know? You know Matsujun, Toma, he's not this evil criminal mastermind."
Toma only sipped his water.
"He's not actually an evil criminal mastermind, is he?" As far as Hina knew, Matsujun didn't mastermind anything aside from the order of the hat collection in his walk-in closet.
"Think of how far Arashi's come," Toma hinted. "Think of what they'll do to stay right where they are. Countdown's just the beginning."
Hina couldn't believe what he was hearing. Between the craziness over Yasu and Toma's odd insistence on Arashi's evil intentions, he was starting to wonder if they'd all been in this ridiculous jimusho too long. "If Johnny-san wants Kanjani8 to host, we're going to say yes."
"And you think they'll just let it alone?" Toma asked. "You think they won't try and sabotage you?"
"Toma, Ohno-kun can barely remember to tie his shoes half the time."
"I'm just looking out for you, Murakami. I love Arashi, don't get me wrong, but they're too loyal to each other to let this Countdown thing slide." He smiled. "Let me help you. Let me help Kanjani8."
"Who says we need your help? How do I know what side you're even on here?" This whole thing was turning into some Godfather-like plot, and Hina was getting to the point where he just wanted to go back to Osaka and find some cave to hide in until winter had come and gone. Not that there were a lot of caves in downtown Osaka, but still.
Toma didn't stop smiling, nor did he seem insulted. "Fine, fine. It's all just a stupid bunch of text messages. I'm sure that's all it is. But just...I mean, I'm not saying Aiba-kun's going to do anything to you. He couldn't harm a fly. But where the group's concerned..."
Hina knew full well that Arashi individually wasn't much of a threat - but it was their unity that he had to look out for. "Can we just pay already?" Hina grumbled.
Toma snatched the check away. "Let me take care of it. As a sign of my loyalty."
"It's just Countdown, you know."
"Is it?" Toma asked before grabbing his bag and walking away from the table ominously. All that was missing was some dramatic music.
Hina banged his head against the table. Everyone was officially out of their damn minds.
--
Masuda Takahisa had been through a lot with Tegoshi. And after all these years, he thought he'd known the guy almost as well as he knew himself. But ever since Koyama had signed the weird agreement with TOKIO, Tegoshi had become someone else entirely.
Not that Massu knew a whole lot about what it was like for your group to sell you to a senpai. Nobody had offered to barter Massu in exchange for goods or services before. But he supposed that it was something that just came more naturally to Tegoshi, who was eager to please if it got him a little bit more attention. Massu knew he wouldn't be able to work ten hours straight at TOKIO's Dash Village for no pay, scooping up chicken crap with a smile. Especially if Nagase-senpai was watching the whole time with a creepy twinkle in his eye.
The last thing Massu liked to do was pry in business not his own, but Kei-chan had been on him like a fly on shit lately. "Has Tego-nyan made any progress with Nagase? Has TOKIO said anything to him about plans to talk to Johnny-san?" Kei-chan seemed to think that Tegoshi told him everything, which was definitely not true. And with the way the bizarre TOKIO agreement was going, Massu didn't feel like he wanted Tegoshi to enlighten him about every little thing going on.
It had been a week since the party at Matsuoka's house, and Koyama had sent Massu a dozen hysterical voicemails about nobody in TOKIO having gone to see Johnny-san yet regarding Countdown. What was the hurry, Massu thought. Countdown was still ages away. But in order to get Koyama to calm down, the two of them were going to put in an appearance at a 5LDK taping. Not that TOKIO or Tegoshi knew they were coming, but at least they'd get to see what sort of progress was being made.
It was surprisingly easy to get into the studio. Instead of trying to bargain with the staff and convince them they were famous, he and Kei simply went on the free Fuji TV tour and snuck off from the rest of the Odaiba tourists. They hid behind some costume racks in TOKIO's green room, waiting for the band to return after the taping. But when the door opened, it was Tegoshi by himself.
Koyama's fingernails dug into Massu's forearm behind the costume racks as Tegoshi came in humming TOKIO's most recent single. They watched as he went to his large bag in the corner of the room, taking out a bundle from within and bringing it over to the table where TOKIO's post-taping bentos were stacked. Tegoshi unwrapped the bundle, revealing a fancy bento box covered in sparkly skulls.
Tegoshi ended up swapping one of the regular bentos for his special box, throwing it in the trash. And that was when Kei-chan had had enough. "What the hell are you doing?" Koyama screeched, getting up and knocking over the rack. Massu hurried to pick it back up as Tegoshi got to his feet, crossing his arms.
"What do you think, Kei-chan? I made Tomoya-chan his lunch today."
Koyama looked ready to foam at the mouth. "Tomoya-chan? You call him Tomoya-chan!?"
Tegoshi got up in Koyama's face, poking him with his finger. "You're just mad that they like me. Tomoya-chan and the others. TOKIO likes me, and they don't invite you to strip clubs!"
"You go to strip clubs with them?" Massu mumbled.
"Oh yeah," Tegoshi bragged. "They give me money to slip into the stripper's g-strings. Yeah, we have a great time. They're the best guys to hang out with ever, and you're just jealous!"
"I'm not jealous!" Koyama insisted, and Massu had to admit that he did sound jealous. "We had a deal, Tegoshi! You do whatever you have to do to get TOKIO to talk to Johnny-san! What's taking so long? You can't take a short stripper break and ask your Tomoya-chan to go to the big boss?"
"What's all this then?" came Taichi's voice from the doorway as he and the rest of TOKIO came strolling in. Massu hid behind Koyama while Tegoshi's face lit up.
"Tomoya-chan! I made you a special lunch! Hamburger sushi!"
"That sounds awful," Yamaguchi said with a shudder. "Oh, Masuda, Koyama. Why are you here?"
"We were just leaving," Massu said just as Koyama announced, "We're here on official business!"
Nagase pushed everyone aside to get to his specially-made bento, and he sat down on the couch. Massu looked away, creeped out as Tegoshi sat in his lap and started feeding him the nastiest looking sushi he'd ever seen.
Taichi took that opportunity to clamp a hand down on his and Kei-chan's shoulders. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you two boys were snooping around."
"We'd just like a status update," Koyama insisted. "Regarding our contract."
Joshima popped off the plastic lid for his lunch. "Ooh, shrimp today!"
The rest of TOKIO ignored Koyama, hurrying to grab their food while Koyama's face turned red.
"Pay attention to me! You brokered a deal with me!"
"Kei-chan, relax," Massu tried to warn him as TOKIO started shoveling food in their mouths. Tegoshi was watching the whole proceedings with a strange look on his face - Massu was starting to worry about him.
"I will not relax!" Koyama screeched. "We can take Tegoshi back if you're not going to honor your agreement! You...you strip club-going savages!"
Taichi picked up one of the shrimp from his lunch, bringing to his lips. He made a showy gesture of pointing at Koyama before biting down on the shrimp decisively and munching happily. Each member of TOKIO proceeded to do the same thing, although Joshima hadn't really caught on and pointed at Massu and smiled, shrimp falling from his chopsticks and onto the table. Either way, it was pretty obvious that Tegoshi was just another one of the guys when it came to TOKIO now, and Koyama was losing his leverage. And all of this craziness just for Countdown.
Massu tugged on Koyama's arm. "Can we go now?"
Tegoshi even waved cheerfully as they left, and Koyama had out his cell phone before they were even out of the building. "It's time for plan B," Koyama said.
Massu blanched. "Uh, what's plan B? You're not going to sell me to Higashiyama-san are you?"
But by then, Koyama was completely ignoring him. "Shige," he said into his cell phone. "We need to talk."
--
Yoko usually liked going to Aiba-chan's apartment building. His kitchen always had a wide array of snacks, some of which were weird because Aiba-chan was a sucker for cute packaging, but he usually made decent choices. But today, Yoko was on a mission. He wouldn't say it was a mission from God. Okay, maybe it was a mission from God. A mission that said Yoko was responsible for keeping his bandmates alive at any cost. He'd saved Yasu - he had to make sure Hina was safe.
As the doorman waved him on in, frequent visitor that he was, Yoko started to panic. Well, more like Yoko continued to panic. He'd already sweated through a whole t-shirt on the way over, and he probably stunk, but since he was on a mission from God, people could just deal with it. He worried about what he might find when he got to Aiba's apartment. Would he find Hina stabbed to death with some ceremonial knife Aiba had gotten on one of his trips to the middle of nowhere overseas? Would he find Hina lying in Aiba's bathtub electrocuted by Aiba's toaster? Would he find Hina stung to death by bees and...
Aiba-chan was waiting when the elevator dinged open. "Yokocho!" his friend (mortal enemy?!) crowed, embracing him. "Wow, you smell like the zoos I visit. But come on in!"
Aiba dragged him down the hall, the list he'd found in Yasu's hospital room burning a hole in his pocket. "I...I was just coming to check on Hina."
"Why? We have cell phones now in the 21st century, you know, you didn't have to come over here."
Yoko only shrugged, not willing to let Aiba-chan see any weakness. Because Yoko was smarter than Aiba. Pfft. Cell phones. You couldn't trust cell phones. Aiba could have recorded Hina's voice and would play it if Yoko called to throw him off the trail. No, Yoko needed to see Hina in person, and he needed to get the list to him. The list with all the bakeries. What could it mean?
Aiba led the way into his apartment. "Take off your shoes. Make yourself comfortable. Hina's in the living room."
Hina was in fact alive and in the living room as Aiba had claimed, and Yoko didn't think it was lacking in manliness to leap over the couch and throw his arms around him. "Hina, you're safe."
Aiba looked confused. "How about I get you a beer, Yokocho, you need to relax."
When he disappeared into the kitchen, Hina shoved him off immediately. "The hell is your problem?"
Yoko brought his voice down to Special Secret Whisper level. A whisper he'd actually perfected as a teenager with Aiba-chan, but Yoko could only trust the people in his group now. "Someone tried to kill Yasu last night."
"Someone what?!" Hina screeched, and Yoko shoved a sweaty palm over his friend's mouth.
"Be quiet, he'll hear you!" Yoko was just about to take the bakery list out as proof of the assassin's mischief, but Aiba was back with three cans of beer, and Yoko bolted to sit in a chair opposite the couch but came up short and ended up sitting awkwardly on the pointy corner of Aiba's coffee table. Hina just looked irritated. They needed to have some time alone.
Aiba handed him the beer with a smile. "So how is Yasu-chan doing?"
"None of your business, Arashi!" Yoko spat, and Hina threw one of Aiba's throw pillows at him.
"He's fine. Released this morning," Hina informed him.
Yoko seethed. The person the night before, Yasu's attacker, they'd been stupid enough to drop the list of bakeries. Had it been Aiba-chan he'd faced in righteous combat? Aiba was forgetful enough to do that, botch a murder attempt, and then escape with his long legs.
He had to be on the offensive, had to keep Aiba on his toes. Eventually he'd slip up. "So Aiba-chan, what do you think about cupcakes?"
"...out of nowhere," Hina muttered to himself in disgust.
"Cupcakes?" Aiba asked, his usual bright smile floundering a bit. "What are you talking about?"
"Do you like them?" Yoko pressed.
Another pillow came flying from Hina's direction, and Yoko caught it in the nick of time, hugging it to his chest. "I'm just saying, now that Yasu's out of the hospital, maybe I should buy him some. For, you know, going through all that."
"You...want to buy him cupcakes?"
"It's a simple enough question, Masaki," Yoko persisted. Ha, he had him now. "Where would you buy Yasu cupcakes?"
"At...a bakery?"
Hina had finally had enough, getting to his feet and tugging Yoko to his. "Pardon us, Aiba-chan, I think Yoko forgot to take his 'act like a normal human being' pill this morning." Hina hauled him into Aiba's bedroom and shut the door.
Yoko temporarily forgot himself at the sight of a dvd on Aiba's bedside table. "Ooh, he's got Housewife Hunters 14!"
Hina smacked him upside the head, switching to Special Secret Whisper level. "What the hell is wrong with you today? I'm trying to behave normally, see if Arashi's plotting stuff and you just barge in talking about cupcakes? And stop looking at Aiba-chan's porn!"
"But Housewife Hunters 14..."
Hina shook him. "Yokoyama. Why. are. you. here?"
He was going to listen. Finally! He quickly explained the previous night at the hospital and everything that had happened with Yasu. He took out his proof, slipping the bakery list into Hina's hand. "Whoever tried to murder Yasuda dropped this. And whoever they are, they're going to bakeries."
"I highly doubt anyone was actually trying to murder..."
Yoko squeezed Hina's wrist. "The longer you stay here with Aiba-chan, the more danger you're in. How do you know he's not the one from last night? Maybe he'll try to kill you!"
Hina rolled his eyes. "Seriously? Murder? This is Arashi we're talking about. They're too busy for that stuff! They'd be more likely to hire people than do it themselves."
"But you saw the way Aiba started getting nervous about the cupcakes," Yoko continued.
"Anyone being interrogated by someone as stupid as you would be as confused as Aiba-chan was." Hina finally scanned over the list. "Okay, so it's bakeries then. Your killer has a sweet tooth."
"There has to be more to it than that!"
"If I look into it, will you go away?" Hina asked him.
"Well, seeing as how I have the rest of our group to protect from assassins, yeah, I should probably be on my way. Someone might poison Tacchon's food! Or talk Maru-chan into walking off a cliff!"
"I highly doubt Maru would..." Hina began, but thought better of it. "You're right, you're right. Just...I'll hold onto this and you go...do whatever you plan to do. And stop being so obvious around Arashi. I don't want them to know we're investigating them."
Yoko snuck Aiba's dvd into his back pocket. "Now I have leverage."
"You're an idiot."
They left the bedroom together, finding Aiba-chan on the other side. "What were you guys doing in there for so long?" He looked increasingly uncomfortable. "Do I need to change my bed sheets?"
Hina smacked him.
--
Sakurai Sho was not a happy man. Sure, he was in bed with Matsujun, which wasn't a bad thing in itself, but it wasn't enough to stave off the increasing worry of the past few days. Jun yanked the covers over to his half of the bed, grumbling.
"Go to sleep," Jun complained as the light from Sho's laptop kept the darkened bedroom aglow. "Why are you still awake?"
"I'm awake, Matsujun, because we have to be vigilant at all hours."
Jun sat up, adjusting his many pillows. "If this is about Countdown again, you need to stop. I told you, we have the situation under control."
"He was only supposed to scare them," Sho mumbled, checking through various tabloid magazine websites for any mention of the incident at the hospital. "Not dismantle medical equipment."
"Well, it was either him or Leader, and you know how much Masaki likes to pull pranks. But no harm done."
He glared at Jun. "How can you be so calm about this? A lot is at stake here. Nino's already half-assing everything, Satoshi-kun keeps forgetting to check things off the Google Docs list...we can't even keep track of where everyone's gone."
Jun shoved Sho's laptop closed. "I never thought I'd be the one to say this to you, but you plan too much, Sho-kun."
Countdown was supposed to be a given. There was no guarantee that Arashi would be welcomed back to Kouhaku, but the New Year just didn't feel right without them in some sort of leadership capacity. Who else would the juniors have to look up to if Arashi wasn't in charge? Kanjani8 had had a wonderful year, but there were too many wild cards. Sho couldn't bear it if one of their members started going off script about tits or something in front of the Tokyo Dome fans. Therefore, Johnny-san needed to know that Arashi was the most logical choice. Arashi had worked tirelessly for years, and Arashi always paid their debts. Taking on the burden of hosting was just one more debt they could repay.
He'd spent days going through Yelp and the phone book to get a tentative list together, and among the five of them, it wouldn't take that long to visit each one. When they finally settled on a victor, they'd win their way to Johnny-san's stomach, which was the best way to win Johnny-san's heart. Couldn't the others see that?
Jun attempted to lean his head against Sho's shoulder, but kept slipping off and gave up. "Sho-san, we're going to find the perfect place. You and me. Together. Then all these stupid mails on our phone will be meaningless. We're going to win."
Sho couldn't help thinking of the newest version of the "winter is coming" mails that were clogging up the inbox of his cell phone. All the little devil emoji. It had only happened after the situation with Yasuda and that day at Music Station. Had Yasuda-kun really lost his memory about that day, or was Kanjani8 trying to trick them all?
Jun's hand slipped under the covers, fingers inching toward Sho's thigh. "Sho-kun..."
He shut his eyes. "Let me...let me just check my email one more time."
Jun groaned. "Come onnnn."
"Just one more time, and I swear I'll let you do whatever you want to me."
"You're worse than a woman," Jun complained. "Next you'll say you have a headache."
He slapped Jun's hand away from his leg and opened the laptop, logging into his email account quickly. It was well after midnight, yet there was a brand new message from Aiba-chan. It hadn't been there a few minutes ago. "See, what did I tell you?"
Jun was growing impatient. "Click on it already. Seeing all of Masaki's typos is going to turn me off if you don't do this quickly."
Sho smiled, opening the email. Jun sure had changed from the timid, eager-to-please boy he'd been when they were younger, but he supposed it kept their sex life interesting. "Okay, let me just skim...'Sho-chan, how are you? It's me, Aiba-chan...'"
Jun pulled a pillow over his face, and his hand started moving underneath the blanket in desperation. "Hurry up, hurry up, don't read it out loud!"
"'So about last night, I may have dropped the package.'"
"What package?" Jun wondered, lowering the pillow immediately, more interested in Aiba's email than he let on. Which was typical, Sho thought.
Sho shook his head. "I think Aiba's trying to talk in code, but he's not very good at it. The package, the package..." He kept reading, then frowned. "He says 'and by package, I mean the bakery list. I'm very sorry. I think Yoko might have found it.'"
"That idiot!" Jun cried out. "Why did he even print a hard copy?"
Sho scowled. He didn't like being mad at Aiba-chan. It was like being angry at a puppy. A dumb puppy who peed on everything and lost valuable bakery lists in enemy territory. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Damage control. They're not going to know what it means. It's just a list of bakeries."
"Bakeries that specialize in one particular item," Jun reminded him.
"And you think any of them would deduce that? Think about it."
"Hina might," Jun hinted.
Sho sighed. They could count on apathy or airheadedness from most of the members, but Murakami was always the wild card. "Do we take him out? Do we change the plan?"
Jun had finally had enough plotting, shutting Sho's laptop lid again. "We'll deal with it tomorrow."
And when Jun's hand made it back to Sho's thigh, he relented. "Tomorrow then."
Chapter 4: Solo Artists, Bassists, and Broken Things
Koyama had had enough. Maybe if he'd sold Yamapi to TOKIO things would have worked out differently. But almost every hour on the hour, Tegoshi was reminding Koyama of the poor decision he'd made. His inbox was constantly being bombarded with messages from Tegoshi now, none of which mentioned TOKIO talking to Johnny-san about Countdown.
Instead, Koyama's phone was full of purikura photos of Tegoshi and Nagase making creepy kissy faces, Tegoshi and Nagase skipping along holding hands at DisneySea, Tegoshi and Nagase playing with puppies at a pet store...it was disgusting. And not just that, but it meant that he'd lost Tegoshi for good and he'd lost him to the dark side.
But he couldn't admit defeat. So what, Koyama had told himself as he shifted gears. That was why smart people like him had back-up plans. It had taken some prodding and some bribery, but he had Shige on his side, mostly because Shige was bored, and when he was bored, he was more liable to go along with Koyama's ideas. The two of them were riding the train incognito in hopes of breaking into Taichi-san's apartment complex.
Tegoshi had gone on and on about it in one of his nasty bragging messages, that TOKIO was having yet another party sure to involve a ton of liquor and maybe a stripper or twenty, who knew? And every attempt to get a hold of Massu for the past week had been hopeless. At least he still had Shige.
Shige adjusted his special incognito glasses and his special incognito baseball cap as he sighed. "I don't want to go to this party."
"Well, if they've only adopted Tegoshi because it's funny to watch him do beer bongs, then that has to be a breach of contract. You're the law expert, can't you prosecute them or something? Serve them with some kind of papers?"
Shige eyed him suspiciously. "You do realize I'm not actually a practicing attorney, right?"
"Close enough!" Koyama insisted, adjusting his own special incognito hooded sweatshirt. "Like any of them would know if you started rambling off statutes and all that other boring stuff you talk about." Now Shige looked ready to slap him. "Oh get over yourself, you know it's boring."
"Remind me why you're so desperate for my help again? Because I could be doing nothing right now which sounds a lot more attractive."
"Because," Koyama said, "I need you. NEWS needs you. For Countdown."
"And is that what you told Tegoshi before you sold him to Nagase like a prostitute?"
He gritted his teeth. "I don't like your attitude today, Shige. We're crashing this party, we are taking a stand."
"It sounds more like you're jealous because TOKIO doesn't want you to be their friend. You can't be everyone's best buddy, Kei-chan, that's how life goes."
The train arrived at their stop, and Koyama got up without looking to see if Shige was still following him. But when they arrived at the apartment complex where Taichi-san supposedly lived, Shige had his game face on. He might have been a bit of a sourpuss, but the prospect of sneaking around like a ninja would make any man giddy.
They made it past the doorman by carrying pizza boxes they'd rummaged out of a dumpster behind the building and from there it was only a matter of hitting the buzzer for 'Kokubun' in the front entryway.
"Heeeeey," came the voice through the intercom. It was definitely Matsuoka. And he was definitely drunk.
"Yes, this is...this is, uh," Shige stuttered, unsure of what to say.
Koyama elbowed him aside. "This is AKB48!" he said in his girliest voice. "Can we come up?"
Shige elbowed him back. "He's never going to believe..."
"AKB alriiiiight! Don't tell your managers, and we won't tell ours!" Matsuoka cheered, and the buzzer went off, allowing them to enter.
"That was too easy," Shige complained as they got in the elevator and dumped the empty pizza boxes. "We could be stalker fans. Or serial killing stalker fans!"
But Koyama didn't care. They were crashing this party, and they didn't even have to crossdress. When they entered, the apartment was full of people he didn't know, but he and Shige snuck around the back of the small crowd as soon as they spotted all five members of TOKIO in the center of the room. Shige shook him.
"Kei-chan, wait..."
And that was when he saw it. It wasn't just TOKIO at the center of the room - Tegoshi was there, too, looking proud and triumphant with Massu at his side. Massu, who looked uncomfortable but wasn't in any rush to leave.
"Massu?" Koyama murmured. "Massu, why are you here?"
With Nagase's assistance, Tegoshi and Massu climbed up onto Taichi's coffee table, surveying the room like a royal couple. Koyama felt his stomach drop as Tegoshi met his eyes from across the room.
"TOKIO, Massu, and I have an announcement!" Tegoshi said proudly as Yamaguchi forced a can of beer into Massu's hand, if only to detract attention from his deer in the headlights face. "With TOKIO's assistance, this year's Johnny's Countdown will be hosted by Tegomasu!" He smiled at Koyama. "And only us."
--
He hadn't really wanted to make much of the bakery list that Yoko had given him. This whole thing was getting way too complicated, and Hina didn't have all the time in the world to waste on following Arashi's every move. Kanjani8 still had plenty of variety tapings and promotional activity to occupy their time, and it was bad enough that he was still staying on Aiba's couch.
The previous night he'd woken to find Aiba digging through his DVD collection and sobbing openly in search of the missing Housewife Hunters 14 that Yoko had pilfered, and since he hadn't wanted to rock the boat further, he hadn't let Aiba know the truth and had pretended to still be asleep. The lengths these idiots would go to for porn.
If dealing with Arashi wasn't enough, now he had Toma asking after him every day about new "developments" in Kanjani's Countdown efforts. Of which there were none, Hina had tried to assure him. Arashi was probably going to sabotage itself in the end with short-sightedness and it was all Hina's group needed to rise to the top. Why scheme when they could be rewarded for patience?
But Toma had apparently been displeased by this lack of initiative. He claimed that NEWS was up to something too, that Yamapi had mentioned it in passing. And that was definitely news to Hina - Ryo-chan hadn't said a thing about NEWS wanting to host, too. Could he even trust his own group? Yasu falling out of windows, Yoko hunting fake assassins, Ryo a potential double agent - all things Arashi could exploit. Toma at least hinted as much.
So the long-suffering Murakami headed for the same restaurant with Toma again, this time under cover of darkness. Toma waved him over. "Dark times, my friend, dark times," Toma declared, eyes darting all around the room.
Hina resisted the urge to smack Toma, lest any of the restaurant's other patrons discover him there. "Okay, what is it you want this time?"
"Look around the cafe," Toma said. "And tell me what you see."
Hina sighed and did as Toma asked. And that was when he saw two figures at the counter immediately look away, one of them knocking over a little bucket of chopsticks. Hina knew them! And of course, if he didn't, the roller skates at their feet were enough of a giveaway. Members of Kis-My-Ft2. "Senga-kun? And Fujigaya-kun?"
Toma nodded gravely. "Spies."
"What do you mean spies?" He turned back around to see the two of them skating off and out the door. The suckers were fast, Hina had to give them that. "They just debuted, when did they find the time to spy on me?"
"Not just you," Toma assured him. "Everyone. They're Arashi's."
"Arashi's what?"
Toma tilted his head, gesturing behind them. Hina turned around and two kids winked at him. "Goseki-kun? Kawai-kun?"
"Yours, if the price is right," Toma said.
Hina turned back, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise. "Let me get this straight. Arashi's hiring kohai as spies? Why?"
"Because they want to win." Toma snapped his fingers, and Hina watched the two ABC-Z members depart the restaurant as though they'd never been there. "This is the power I can give you, Hina. This is all Sho-kun and Jun-kun's money flying around, and it's recent. They're afraid of you now, why else would they need to contract out? So why not get them back. I mean, name a junior and I can buy him for you. Except little Tanaka, you know Koki-kun would kill me."
Hina slammed his fist on the table. "Toma, I don't want to buy anybody! I don't need spies, and I don't need a battle strategy. It's fall, and you know what that means? It means Arashi won't have time for this shit now. Sho-kun has a drama, Matsujun has a play, they're all busy! By default, Johnny-san will just come to us and hand us Countdown on a silver platter."
Toma removed a slip of paper from within his jacket, sliding it across the table. When Hina unfolded it, he gasped. It was the exact same list Yoko had given him the other day at Aiba's apartment, the list of bakeries.
"How the hell did you get this?"
Toma smiled as their waiter approached - once Hina squinted a bit, he realized it was just Arioka Daiki from Hey Say Jump with a fake mustache. "Thanks Daiki-kun, we'll both have the ramen today."
"Right away...sir," Daiki replied with a smile, walking off.
Hina shivered. "You have your own spies?"
"You must take me for a fool, Hina. Now about this list..."
Who the hell could he trust now? Not half his group, not Toma, not Arashi, not any of his juniors. "Go on, then. What about the list?"
"I took the liberty of Googling them all, these bakeries. A child could have figured out what Arashi was up to."
"Would you just tell me already?"
Toma smirked. "What we have here, Murakami Shingo, is a list of bakeries that specialize in one particular sweet treat."
"And that is...?"
"Scones, Hina," Toma said, tapping the paper insistently. "They all make scones."
--
Life was really good, Maru thought. Kanjani8 was having its best year ever, he was having his personal best year ever acting-wise, and he had the best friends a guy could ask for. Of course, he was currently drunk, so everything in existence was simply glorious. He was on beer number eight, and Oh-chan was calling for some tequila shots.
A few beers back, the Joy-killing Hina in his head would have convinced him that mixing his alcohol types was boneheaded. But since he was on beer eight, Joy-killing Hina had been thoroughly quashed and the Stupidity-encouraging Subaru in his head was winning out.
"Oh-chan," he told Arashi's leader as the increasingly sexy waitress brought over the round of shots. "You know, it seems like there's this pointless...anim...animos...ani...it seems like Arashi and Kanjani8 are like, fighting or something."
Ohno wrapped an arm around his shoulders, smiling. "Arashi doesn't hate you, Maru-chan. We love you!"
"I know, right? We're best buddies!"
"Best buddies for sure!" Ohno sing-songed. "Sho-kun's been a grumpy pants lately. He's all, Satoshi-kun, you need to take this seriously. Satoshi-kun, you need to stop fishing and start going where I tell you to go. Satoshi-kun, stop pretending to be asleep when I'm talking to you! Countdown is important! Well, here's what I think of Sho-kun tonight!" He clinked his shot glass against Maru's and downed his first.
The slight alcoholic fog in Maru's head briefly cleared. "What's thaaaat? About Countdown, Oh-chan? What's going on?"
Ohno's head lolled against his shoulder. "Maru-chan, down the hatch!"
Maru loved Oh-chan. Just like he loved all of Arashi. And everyone in the entire jimusho. Maru's heart was full of so much love, he thought it might explode. But Hina and Yuuchin had been blabbing about Countdown all this time now, as if Arashi was plotting their downfall or something. But Oh-chan had been so nice to him. When he'd come to him at Music Station, he'd said something about Kanjani8 singing Arashi songs in Osaka, and Arashi singing Kanjani8 songs in Tokyo. It sounded like a marvelous arrangement, an alliance between their groups.
Maru downed the shot as Ohno directed, feeling the tingly delicious burn as it raced its way to join the beer in his belly. "Maru, I love you more than Sho-kun right now because he's mean."
"Don't say that, Oh-chan!"
Ohno clamped his hand over Maru's mouth, and despite his obvious intoxication, he had his Serious Ohno Eyes locked on. "Now I only tell you this because I trust you and love you," Ohno said very seriously. "And because Sho-kun has turned Matsujun to his side, and Aiba-chan too. They are outta controoooool!"
Maru listened as Ohno's voice lowered to a whisper.
"You want to know a secret? Johnny-san loves scones."
Maru was confused. "Hmmfhmfff?" he asked against Ohno's hand.
"He loves them, Maru. Just...don't tell okay?" And then Ohno's face turned green. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
Maru watched Arashi's leader stumble out of the booth and hurry to the bathroom. The tequila was still burning, and Maru didn't know why, but his first instinct was to pull his phone from his pocket. Oh-chan had trusted him with this information, Maru told himself. And what did it mean anyway, Johnny-san loving scones? It was some pointless factoid. But at the same time, Maru was also the absolute worst at keeping secrets when he was drunk. Didn't Oh-chan know that by now?
And by the time Maru's thought process had reached that conclusion, Yoko was already yelling at him on the line. "Maruyama, it is 1:00 in the morning, I don't want your drunk dials!"
"But...Yuuchin, you...you said if Arashi told me something..." He hiccuped, peeking around the booth to see if Ohno was on his way back yet. He wasn't.
"Arashi told you what? Spit it out, or I'm calling the paparazzi on you."
"Yuuchin wouldn't do that, Yuuchin is loving and friendly and squishy!"
"WOULD YOU TELL ME WHAT THEY TOLD YOU ALREADY?!"
He giggled. Yoko was a grouchy old man at this hour, but he had sent everyone in the group a message the other day: "if you meet up with Arashi, be vigilant. They may be trying to kill and or trick and or maim you. And if they spill any secrets, tell me immediately."
"Oh-chan and I are drunk!" he explained. "And he was all, 'Maru, you are the most talented person in the agency!'"
"He didn't say that."
He giggled again. "Okay, okay. He said that Sakurai-kun was yelling at him all the time, so he told me a secret that Sakurai-kun doesn't want anyone to know. He said that Johnny-san loves scones. What does that mean, Yuuchin? Like, aren't old men supposed to cut down on sweets?"
The line went dead, and he stared at the phone.
"Yuuchin?"
--
Finally, Nino had a day off. A day off of filming for CMs and variety alike, and Nino relished the time he had to himself. Sure, he had a bunch of bakeries he was supposed to visit for what had to be the thousandth taste test since they'd started this stupid operation, but Nino just wasn't feeling like it today. He'd been loyal all this time. He needed one day, just one precious day where he could be Nino and not Nino from Arashi.
So he went where none of the other members would bother tracking him down: the narrow, maid cafe-filled alleyways and streets of Akihabara. As he walked around in his incognito cap and "I am carrying the death plague" white mask over his face, he felt relieved. He could peruse secondhand stores, tracking down old game cartridges and figurines. He could enter an arcade and school some junior high kids at fighting games. It was here that Nino truly felt like he was amongst his people again.
The call of rare goodies brought Nino to a small game shop tucked away in one of the streets. He had his credit card and a fridge full of energy drinks at home - the night was his as soon as he found some treasure worthy of his time. He entered the store, walking past the lifesize Chun Li doll that guarded the entrance. Instead of stylists and ADs and his fellow idols, there were only fanboys here, keeping to themselves as they looked for masturbatory material or the best price to sell back an old Gundam model.
So lost was Nino in his peaceful store wanderings that he didn't notice the other person's hand reaching for the old Dragon Quest cartridge at the same time - he'd been so focused on getting it, a potential replacement for one he'd long ago worn out, that he came sweaty hand to sweaty hand with Yokoyama Yu.
Their eyes met, and Nino pulled his hand away. "Yoko."
"Nino."
"What are you doing here?" He raised an eyebrow. "I saw the game first."
"Oh Nino, I'm not here for the game," Yoko said a bit loudly, and Nino pulled him to the side.
"Would you keep your voice down?" he hissed. "Someone's going to recognize us." And the last thing Nino wanted on his Independent Nino day was to be noticed.
But when he saw the look in Yoko's eyes, Nino realized that he was in big trouble. Sho had been bothering him all day with messages about Kanjani8 being on to them, but he hadn't taken it seriously. Mostly because he didn't care. But now he had Yoko here in the store with him. Yoko who might have been stalking him all this time.
"Look," Nino said, figuring all he had left to do was try and bargain with him. "If you let me leave, I won't kill you."
Yoko's eyes widened. "Assassin!" he shouted, and the whole store turned around to stare.
He tried to pull Yoko behind one of the other shelves, but his threat had backfired. Instead Yoko marched to the center of the store, drawing the eyes of all around, including one guy who was trying to quietly grope the Chun Li doll.
"My name is Yokoyama Yu, and I am in Johnny's."
Nino was frozen in place. Even his mask wasn't going to help now, so he pulled the thing off and shoved it in his pocket. Yoko had everyone's attention now.
"That little imp over there is the cause of so much pain and suffering, and I think you'll agree."
"I didn't do anything," Nino muttered. He'd worked so hard not to give a shit, but now he had dozens of otaku eyes on him.
"You there," Yoko pointed to a guy looking through old gaming guides. "How has Ninomiya Kazunari of Arashi ruined your life?"
"Well," the guy said, "my girlfriend dumped me because she liked Matsujun."
"But I'm not Matsujun!" Nino screeched, stomping his feet.
"And you?" Yoko said, pointing to another guy.
The nerdy fellow squinted at Nino through his glasses. "What the hell was with those Zelda commercials? All you guys did was talk!"
"They told us to do that!"
And now people were volunteering damning information without Yoko having to prompt them. "They play Arashi songs at work all day!" "The 3DS isn't even that great!" "There wasn't enough sex in Gantz! I needed more tits!"
Nino backed up until he was flattened against the shelves. "Guys, guys," he said, "I am not the enemy here."
But Yoko was looking triumphant. "My car is parked a block away. Which of you gallant fellows will help me see that Nino pays for his crimes?"
"I will!"
"And me!"
"Me too!"
Nino didn't even see the otaku coming up from behind with the metallic Gantz gumball dispenser until it thwacked him in the back of the head.
Part Three
Chapter 3: A Storm of Swords
Kato Shigeaki didn't know Matsuoka-senpai that well. Sure they worked with the TOKIO members at Countdown and in the occasional acting job, but on the whole, they'd never really interacted much. It seemed that there was a contract on the table now, and Kei-chan had signed it, committing NEWS to some sort of secret agreement with their senpai.
The two groups were celebrating the contract at Matsuoka's house, and Shige was rather surprised at how raucous a TOKIO party could get. He was nursing his second beer, but Matsuoka was trying to round all his kohai up for a round of sake bombs. Nagase had his arm around Tegoshi's neck, rather possessively so, and Shige downed the rest of his beer and looked away. Kei-chan really had been serious about the terms of the agreement. And it really irritated Shige to have been excluded from the original dinner meeting - he was the only one really qualified to look over the contract, after all - and Kei had just gone ahead and signed it without even calling him.
"Sake bomb, sake bomb!" Yamapi was cheering, already loosened up and noisy while Shige ran into Ryo-chan at Matsuoka's fridge.
"So," Shige said, "what do you think of all this then?" He hadn't seen Ryo in a while, and the man had been rather quiet. He wondered if there was something going on with Kanjani8 and Countdown, not that Ryo ever really acted like he favored one group over another.
Ryo opened the fridge, grabbing beers for them both. "I think this is just an excuse to get plastered and not have to worry about your credit card getting rejected at the bar."
Shige raised an eyebrow. "That happen to you a lot?"
Ryo just smiled, twisting off the bottle top. "No comment."
"Shige!"
Oh no, this one he couldn't avoid. "Shige," he said in response as TOKIO's leader shuffled over to him, holding a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.
Joshima didn't seem to know why there was a party going on, but he didn't seem to care. "Ah, it's good to bond like this, isn't it? I miss seeing you every day."
It hadn't been that long ago that they'd been in a play together, but Shige just nodded. "Yeah. Well...yeah."
Joshima held out the bottle. "Want some? Taichi's got spies everywhere and says..." Leader hiccuped, "...says you're a few beers behind your friends."
He was a few beers behind because he seemed to actually value his liver, Shige thought bitterly. But Matsuoka was loading up another round of sake bombs, and Kei-chan, Nagase, Tegoshi, Massu, and Yamaguchi were lined up ready for more. It made Shige want to barf.
He held up his bottle and smiled. "No, I'm good. Thank you, Shige."
Joshima hugged him awkwardly. "NEWS is great. You guys are great. Have a great time. I love you."
Shige backed away, wanting to be anywhere but at this bizarre party. After two more sake bombs, Kei came stumbling over, falling on top of Shige on Matsuoka's couch. "Shige," Kei cried. "Oh Shige, we did it. We're going to host Countdown!"
"All we've done is whore out Tegoshi," Shige pointed out. "We haven't asked Johnny-san about it yet."
Kei just waved his hand dismissively, hugging Shige around the neck. "I love NEWS. I love you guys."
"You know who else does? Joshima-kun, so why don't you go hug him?"
"Shige, you're mean, but only because you love NEWS too," Kei laughed, and Shige had to admit that he hadn't seen his friend so happy in the longest time. To be fair, he was wasted, but he was still ridiculously happy. And that made Shige happy.
He looked over to see Tegoshi sitting in Nagase's lap, pouring a can of Sapporo down the large man's gullet, and he shuddered. "I don't think anyone loves NEWS as much as Tegoshi does right now."
"Countdown!" Kei shouted one last time before vomiting in Shige's lap.
--
Tanaka Koki had worked with Kame for many years. And in that time, he'd come to understand that Kame wasn't one to back down from anything. Koki had to admire that about him, even if it made Kame kind of an asshole from time to time. It was time for yet another meeting in the northern end of the Tokyo metropolitan area, and the staff at the Great Wall restaurant didn't even seem surprised as Koki entered with his solemn black garb.
He slid open the door to their private room, spying Kame already inside with his damn iPad. Koki had intentionally kept his phone off the past few days, mostly because all the messages he'd been receiving were from Kame re: Countdown. Now Koki wasn't entirely averse to hosting the end of the year celebration. Koki liked any excuse to meet up with people from the jimusho, maybe talk a senpai into taking him for drinks, maybe treat his juniors to a meal in hopes of being voted Best Senpai Ever.
But Koki was still a little unsure of hosting Countdown with Kame in charge. Kame would want to somehow incorporate some crazy Dream Boys-style wire work and fan dancing and most likely some elaborate water cannons, but everyone knew that Tackey was the only one who got to fly around at New Year's these days. If Kame got KAT-TUN in as hosts and tried to pull a stunt like that, it would just make KAT-TUN go down, down, down in everyone's favor, and he simply couldn't bear to see that happen. Koki knew that people didn't watch Countdown for water cannons, anyhow - they watched it for rare fan service possibilities.
He sat down at Kame's side, accepting the hot towel from the waitress. "Ah, Kame, I figured you'd be here already."
Kame didn't even look up from his iPad. He merely gestured to the Lazy Susan at the center of the table where he'd left several file folders. Koki took a glance at them - Kame had neatly labeled each folder with each member's name, and Koki took the one designated for himself.
Inside he found something that made his heart stop. In the smallest font possible, Kame had typed up a "KAT-TUN Fight Plan" that went on for several pages, double-sided, about how they could make Johnny-san like them enough to allow them to host Countdown. Koki's eyes started to blur after Kame's suggestion of buying Johnny-san a new "extra manly" Prada handbag.
He set the folder down and squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Kazuya."
Kame finally looked up, dark circles under his eyes. Darker than his usual stressed-out dark circles. And he had crazy eyes. "Koki," Kame grinned. "Koki, do you like the battle plan? Tat-chan's going to be late because I asked him to pick up some of my flowcharts from the Kinko's. I got a great deal, buy twenty charts, get five free! With color ink!"
Koki could only see Ueda now, most likely dumping Kame's precious flowcharts into the nearest garbage dumpster because he didn't want to be seen putting them in his car. "Don't you think this is a bit...much?"
Kame released his death grip on the iPad, setting it down on top of his own "Kamenashi Kazuya" file folder that had been decorated with baseball stickers. "But winter is coming."
"I'm well aware of that fact, thank you, but..." He scanned the list again. "Do you really think 'ordering Johnny-san a foreign prostitute in a gender of his choosing' is something that'll actually endear us to him?"
Kame shrugged. "I listed a ton of options." He grabbed a colorful box from his other side. "I figured we'd all cast votes. Look how cute this voting box is! I didn't sleep last night so I could decorate it! Look at all the glitter!"
Koki shut his eyes. "Kame, I want to host Countdown with you, I really do." He really didn't. "And I think your heart's in the right place, but I can't...I don't think bribery of this scale is going to work."
"Is it not enough?" Kame asked, frowning. He grabbed his iPad again. "Let me go to my bank's website and check how much I've got in my savings account. I'm not averse to getting Johnny-san a boat if I can get a good leasing price..."
Koki finally yanked the iPad away. "Stop. Just...would you listen to yourself? You aren't sleeping, you're contemplating buying the head of our agency a boat, and nobody else is here. Does that reach you? Taguchi's not here, Nakamaru's not here. And why? Because you're scaring them."
Kame shrugged. "But Tat-chan..."
"I highly doubt he is waiting in line at Kinko's right now, Kame, I really doubt it."
Kame frowned, reaching into his pocket for his phone. He flipped it open and clicked down to the most recent message in his inbox. The subject was again "Countdown" and this time, the message wasn't just "winter is coming" - now it said "winter is coming" with at least twenty emoji of a devil's face after it.
"It's a threat, Koki," Kame said seriously. "That devil means business. It means we have to take this seriously or we won't get anywhere."
"It's emoji."
Kame moved his phone away from Koki's line of sight. "It's a threat."
"They're cute, though."
Kame looked at the message on his phone one last time before staring at all the work he'd left laying on the table and the fact that none of his other bandmates had shown up to read it. "I really want to host Countdown, Koki," Kame admitted, putting his phone away.
"I get that."
"You really don't think Johnny-san would want a Prada bag?" Kame's fingers brushed across the folders. "We'd need a miracle."
Koki knew exactly what might be able to win them the hosting prize. It might not necessarily make Johnny-san happy, but if they came to him with such a suggestion, it would definitely impress him. Maybe that was what they needed. He watched Kame continue to fret over his folders.
"Let me talk to Taguchi," Koki said gently. "If anyone can find us a miracle, it's him."
--
It had been a while since they'd met up for a meal, and Hina was grateful to talk to someone who wasn't in a debuted group. At least he wouldn't be a competitor, Hina thought as he entered the small restaurant in Shibuya and found his friend sitting in the back.
He was disguised in a pair of glasses and a baseball cap, but there was no mistaking Ikuta Toma as he stood up and waved Hina over to the table. "It's been a while," Toma said with a friendly smile as they took their seats.
"Yeah, a busy year for us. And you too."
They made small talk about 24 Hour TV and Toma's stage plays and movies as they ate, and it wasn't until the meal ended that Toma dropped the bombshell.
"So you're staying with Aiba-kun, huh?" Toma said, voice sounding completely different from the cheer he'd had the remainder of the meal.
"Uh..." Word sure got around fast. Not that Hina had particularly enjoyed waking up on Aiba's couch that morning to find a naked Aiba frying eggs in the kitchen as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Hina was still recovering from that horror. He had initially assumed it was more Arashi psychological warfare, but since it was Aiba-chan and he was kind of an idiot, he wasn't entirely sure. "Yeah, yeah I'm staying with him for the time being."
Toma shook his head. "You have to get out of there."
Hina laughed. "What? Why?"
He leaned forward conspiratorially. "Winter is coming."
"Oh Toma-kun, not you too!" Great, had everyone in the jimusho gotten the message? Wasn't there one person left he could talk to?
Toma was insistent, thumping his fist on the table. "You can't trust them, Hina. Arashi. They're after you."
Even though Hina was starting to come around to that point himself, he didn't really want to believe it. All of them had grown up together, hadn't they? Worn stupid costumes together, gone through puberty together, gone to each other's houses together?
"How do you know? You know Matsujun, Toma, he's not this evil criminal mastermind."
Toma only sipped his water.
"He's not actually an evil criminal mastermind, is he?" As far as Hina knew, Matsujun didn't mastermind anything aside from the order of the hat collection in his walk-in closet.
"Think of how far Arashi's come," Toma hinted. "Think of what they'll do to stay right where they are. Countdown's just the beginning."
Hina couldn't believe what he was hearing. Between the craziness over Yasu and Toma's odd insistence on Arashi's evil intentions, he was starting to wonder if they'd all been in this ridiculous jimusho too long. "If Johnny-san wants Kanjani8 to host, we're going to say yes."
"And you think they'll just let it alone?" Toma asked. "You think they won't try and sabotage you?"
"Toma, Ohno-kun can barely remember to tie his shoes half the time."
"I'm just looking out for you, Murakami. I love Arashi, don't get me wrong, but they're too loyal to each other to let this Countdown thing slide." He smiled. "Let me help you. Let me help Kanjani8."
"Who says we need your help? How do I know what side you're even on here?" This whole thing was turning into some Godfather-like plot, and Hina was getting to the point where he just wanted to go back to Osaka and find some cave to hide in until winter had come and gone. Not that there were a lot of caves in downtown Osaka, but still.
Toma didn't stop smiling, nor did he seem insulted. "Fine, fine. It's all just a stupid bunch of text messages. I'm sure that's all it is. But just...I mean, I'm not saying Aiba-kun's going to do anything to you. He couldn't harm a fly. But where the group's concerned..."
Hina knew full well that Arashi individually wasn't much of a threat - but it was their unity that he had to look out for. "Can we just pay already?" Hina grumbled.
Toma snatched the check away. "Let me take care of it. As a sign of my loyalty."
"It's just Countdown, you know."
"Is it?" Toma asked before grabbing his bag and walking away from the table ominously. All that was missing was some dramatic music.
Hina banged his head against the table. Everyone was officially out of their damn minds.
--
Masuda Takahisa had been through a lot with Tegoshi. And after all these years, he thought he'd known the guy almost as well as he knew himself. But ever since Koyama had signed the weird agreement with TOKIO, Tegoshi had become someone else entirely.
Not that Massu knew a whole lot about what it was like for your group to sell you to a senpai. Nobody had offered to barter Massu in exchange for goods or services before. But he supposed that it was something that just came more naturally to Tegoshi, who was eager to please if it got him a little bit more attention. Massu knew he wouldn't be able to work ten hours straight at TOKIO's Dash Village for no pay, scooping up chicken crap with a smile. Especially if Nagase-senpai was watching the whole time with a creepy twinkle in his eye.
The last thing Massu liked to do was pry in business not his own, but Kei-chan had been on him like a fly on shit lately. "Has Tego-nyan made any progress with Nagase? Has TOKIO said anything to him about plans to talk to Johnny-san?" Kei-chan seemed to think that Tegoshi told him everything, which was definitely not true. And with the way the bizarre TOKIO agreement was going, Massu didn't feel like he wanted Tegoshi to enlighten him about every little thing going on.
It had been a week since the party at Matsuoka's house, and Koyama had sent Massu a dozen hysterical voicemails about nobody in TOKIO having gone to see Johnny-san yet regarding Countdown. What was the hurry, Massu thought. Countdown was still ages away. But in order to get Koyama to calm down, the two of them were going to put in an appearance at a 5LDK taping. Not that TOKIO or Tegoshi knew they were coming, but at least they'd get to see what sort of progress was being made.
It was surprisingly easy to get into the studio. Instead of trying to bargain with the staff and convince them they were famous, he and Kei simply went on the free Fuji TV tour and snuck off from the rest of the Odaiba tourists. They hid behind some costume racks in TOKIO's green room, waiting for the band to return after the taping. But when the door opened, it was Tegoshi by himself.
Koyama's fingernails dug into Massu's forearm behind the costume racks as Tegoshi came in humming TOKIO's most recent single. They watched as he went to his large bag in the corner of the room, taking out a bundle from within and bringing it over to the table where TOKIO's post-taping bentos were stacked. Tegoshi unwrapped the bundle, revealing a fancy bento box covered in sparkly skulls.
Tegoshi ended up swapping one of the regular bentos for his special box, throwing it in the trash. And that was when Kei-chan had had enough. "What the hell are you doing?" Koyama screeched, getting up and knocking over the rack. Massu hurried to pick it back up as Tegoshi got to his feet, crossing his arms.
"What do you think, Kei-chan? I made Tomoya-chan his lunch today."
Koyama looked ready to foam at the mouth. "Tomoya-chan? You call him Tomoya-chan!?"
Tegoshi got up in Koyama's face, poking him with his finger. "You're just mad that they like me. Tomoya-chan and the others. TOKIO likes me, and they don't invite you to strip clubs!"
"You go to strip clubs with them?" Massu mumbled.
"Oh yeah," Tegoshi bragged. "They give me money to slip into the stripper's g-strings. Yeah, we have a great time. They're the best guys to hang out with ever, and you're just jealous!"
"I'm not jealous!" Koyama insisted, and Massu had to admit that he did sound jealous. "We had a deal, Tegoshi! You do whatever you have to do to get TOKIO to talk to Johnny-san! What's taking so long? You can't take a short stripper break and ask your Tomoya-chan to go to the big boss?"
"What's all this then?" came Taichi's voice from the doorway as he and the rest of TOKIO came strolling in. Massu hid behind Koyama while Tegoshi's face lit up.
"Tomoya-chan! I made you a special lunch! Hamburger sushi!"
"That sounds awful," Yamaguchi said with a shudder. "Oh, Masuda, Koyama. Why are you here?"
"We were just leaving," Massu said just as Koyama announced, "We're here on official business!"
Nagase pushed everyone aside to get to his specially-made bento, and he sat down on the couch. Massu looked away, creeped out as Tegoshi sat in his lap and started feeding him the nastiest looking sushi he'd ever seen.
Taichi took that opportunity to clamp a hand down on his and Kei-chan's shoulders. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you two boys were snooping around."
"We'd just like a status update," Koyama insisted. "Regarding our contract."
Joshima popped off the plastic lid for his lunch. "Ooh, shrimp today!"
The rest of TOKIO ignored Koyama, hurrying to grab their food while Koyama's face turned red.
"Pay attention to me! You brokered a deal with me!"
"Kei-chan, relax," Massu tried to warn him as TOKIO started shoveling food in their mouths. Tegoshi was watching the whole proceedings with a strange look on his face - Massu was starting to worry about him.
"I will not relax!" Koyama screeched. "We can take Tegoshi back if you're not going to honor your agreement! You...you strip club-going savages!"
Taichi picked up one of the shrimp from his lunch, bringing to his lips. He made a showy gesture of pointing at Koyama before biting down on the shrimp decisively and munching happily. Each member of TOKIO proceeded to do the same thing, although Joshima hadn't really caught on and pointed at Massu and smiled, shrimp falling from his chopsticks and onto the table. Either way, it was pretty obvious that Tegoshi was just another one of the guys when it came to TOKIO now, and Koyama was losing his leverage. And all of this craziness just for Countdown.
Massu tugged on Koyama's arm. "Can we go now?"
Tegoshi even waved cheerfully as they left, and Koyama had out his cell phone before they were even out of the building. "It's time for plan B," Koyama said.
Massu blanched. "Uh, what's plan B? You're not going to sell me to Higashiyama-san are you?"
But by then, Koyama was completely ignoring him. "Shige," he said into his cell phone. "We need to talk."
--
Yoko usually liked going to Aiba-chan's apartment building. His kitchen always had a wide array of snacks, some of which were weird because Aiba-chan was a sucker for cute packaging, but he usually made decent choices. But today, Yoko was on a mission. He wouldn't say it was a mission from God. Okay, maybe it was a mission from God. A mission that said Yoko was responsible for keeping his bandmates alive at any cost. He'd saved Yasu - he had to make sure Hina was safe.
As the doorman waved him on in, frequent visitor that he was, Yoko started to panic. Well, more like Yoko continued to panic. He'd already sweated through a whole t-shirt on the way over, and he probably stunk, but since he was on a mission from God, people could just deal with it. He worried about what he might find when he got to Aiba's apartment. Would he find Hina stabbed to death with some ceremonial knife Aiba had gotten on one of his trips to the middle of nowhere overseas? Would he find Hina lying in Aiba's bathtub electrocuted by Aiba's toaster? Would he find Hina stung to death by bees and...
Aiba-chan was waiting when the elevator dinged open. "Yokocho!" his friend (mortal enemy?!) crowed, embracing him. "Wow, you smell like the zoos I visit. But come on in!"
Aiba dragged him down the hall, the list he'd found in Yasu's hospital room burning a hole in his pocket. "I...I was just coming to check on Hina."
"Why? We have cell phones now in the 21st century, you know, you didn't have to come over here."
Yoko only shrugged, not willing to let Aiba-chan see any weakness. Because Yoko was smarter than Aiba. Pfft. Cell phones. You couldn't trust cell phones. Aiba could have recorded Hina's voice and would play it if Yoko called to throw him off the trail. No, Yoko needed to see Hina in person, and he needed to get the list to him. The list with all the bakeries. What could it mean?
Aiba led the way into his apartment. "Take off your shoes. Make yourself comfortable. Hina's in the living room."
Hina was in fact alive and in the living room as Aiba had claimed, and Yoko didn't think it was lacking in manliness to leap over the couch and throw his arms around him. "Hina, you're safe."
Aiba looked confused. "How about I get you a beer, Yokocho, you need to relax."
When he disappeared into the kitchen, Hina shoved him off immediately. "The hell is your problem?"
Yoko brought his voice down to Special Secret Whisper level. A whisper he'd actually perfected as a teenager with Aiba-chan, but Yoko could only trust the people in his group now. "Someone tried to kill Yasu last night."
"Someone what?!" Hina screeched, and Yoko shoved a sweaty palm over his friend's mouth.
"Be quiet, he'll hear you!" Yoko was just about to take the bakery list out as proof of the assassin's mischief, but Aiba was back with three cans of beer, and Yoko bolted to sit in a chair opposite the couch but came up short and ended up sitting awkwardly on the pointy corner of Aiba's coffee table. Hina just looked irritated. They needed to have some time alone.
Aiba handed him the beer with a smile. "So how is Yasu-chan doing?"
"None of your business, Arashi!" Yoko spat, and Hina threw one of Aiba's throw pillows at him.
"He's fine. Released this morning," Hina informed him.
Yoko seethed. The person the night before, Yasu's attacker, they'd been stupid enough to drop the list of bakeries. Had it been Aiba-chan he'd faced in righteous combat? Aiba was forgetful enough to do that, botch a murder attempt, and then escape with his long legs.
He had to be on the offensive, had to keep Aiba on his toes. Eventually he'd slip up. "So Aiba-chan, what do you think about cupcakes?"
"...out of nowhere," Hina muttered to himself in disgust.
"Cupcakes?" Aiba asked, his usual bright smile floundering a bit. "What are you talking about?"
"Do you like them?" Yoko pressed.
Another pillow came flying from Hina's direction, and Yoko caught it in the nick of time, hugging it to his chest. "I'm just saying, now that Yasu's out of the hospital, maybe I should buy him some. For, you know, going through all that."
"You...want to buy him cupcakes?"
"It's a simple enough question, Masaki," Yoko persisted. Ha, he had him now. "Where would you buy Yasu cupcakes?"
"At...a bakery?"
Hina had finally had enough, getting to his feet and tugging Yoko to his. "Pardon us, Aiba-chan, I think Yoko forgot to take his 'act like a normal human being' pill this morning." Hina hauled him into Aiba's bedroom and shut the door.
Yoko temporarily forgot himself at the sight of a dvd on Aiba's bedside table. "Ooh, he's got Housewife Hunters 14!"
Hina smacked him upside the head, switching to Special Secret Whisper level. "What the hell is wrong with you today? I'm trying to behave normally, see if Arashi's plotting stuff and you just barge in talking about cupcakes? And stop looking at Aiba-chan's porn!"
"But Housewife Hunters 14..."
Hina shook him. "Yokoyama. Why. are. you. here?"
He was going to listen. Finally! He quickly explained the previous night at the hospital and everything that had happened with Yasu. He took out his proof, slipping the bakery list into Hina's hand. "Whoever tried to murder Yasuda dropped this. And whoever they are, they're going to bakeries."
"I highly doubt anyone was actually trying to murder..."
Yoko squeezed Hina's wrist. "The longer you stay here with Aiba-chan, the more danger you're in. How do you know he's not the one from last night? Maybe he'll try to kill you!"
Hina rolled his eyes. "Seriously? Murder? This is Arashi we're talking about. They're too busy for that stuff! They'd be more likely to hire people than do it themselves."
"But you saw the way Aiba started getting nervous about the cupcakes," Yoko continued.
"Anyone being interrogated by someone as stupid as you would be as confused as Aiba-chan was." Hina finally scanned over the list. "Okay, so it's bakeries then. Your killer has a sweet tooth."
"There has to be more to it than that!"
"If I look into it, will you go away?" Hina asked him.
"Well, seeing as how I have the rest of our group to protect from assassins, yeah, I should probably be on my way. Someone might poison Tacchon's food! Or talk Maru-chan into walking off a cliff!"
"I highly doubt Maru would..." Hina began, but thought better of it. "You're right, you're right. Just...I'll hold onto this and you go...do whatever you plan to do. And stop being so obvious around Arashi. I don't want them to know we're investigating them."
Yoko snuck Aiba's dvd into his back pocket. "Now I have leverage."
"You're an idiot."
They left the bedroom together, finding Aiba-chan on the other side. "What were you guys doing in there for so long?" He looked increasingly uncomfortable. "Do I need to change my bed sheets?"
Hina smacked him.
--
Sakurai Sho was not a happy man. Sure, he was in bed with Matsujun, which wasn't a bad thing in itself, but it wasn't enough to stave off the increasing worry of the past few days. Jun yanked the covers over to his half of the bed, grumbling.
"Go to sleep," Jun complained as the light from Sho's laptop kept the darkened bedroom aglow. "Why are you still awake?"
"I'm awake, Matsujun, because we have to be vigilant at all hours."
Jun sat up, adjusting his many pillows. "If this is about Countdown again, you need to stop. I told you, we have the situation under control."
"He was only supposed to scare them," Sho mumbled, checking through various tabloid magazine websites for any mention of the incident at the hospital. "Not dismantle medical equipment."
"Well, it was either him or Leader, and you know how much Masaki likes to pull pranks. But no harm done."
He glared at Jun. "How can you be so calm about this? A lot is at stake here. Nino's already half-assing everything, Satoshi-kun keeps forgetting to check things off the Google Docs list...we can't even keep track of where everyone's gone."
Jun shoved Sho's laptop closed. "I never thought I'd be the one to say this to you, but you plan too much, Sho-kun."
Countdown was supposed to be a given. There was no guarantee that Arashi would be welcomed back to Kouhaku, but the New Year just didn't feel right without them in some sort of leadership capacity. Who else would the juniors have to look up to if Arashi wasn't in charge? Kanjani8 had had a wonderful year, but there were too many wild cards. Sho couldn't bear it if one of their members started going off script about tits or something in front of the Tokyo Dome fans. Therefore, Johnny-san needed to know that Arashi was the most logical choice. Arashi had worked tirelessly for years, and Arashi always paid their debts. Taking on the burden of hosting was just one more debt they could repay.
He'd spent days going through Yelp and the phone book to get a tentative list together, and among the five of them, it wouldn't take that long to visit each one. When they finally settled on a victor, they'd win their way to Johnny-san's stomach, which was the best way to win Johnny-san's heart. Couldn't the others see that?
Jun attempted to lean his head against Sho's shoulder, but kept slipping off and gave up. "Sho-san, we're going to find the perfect place. You and me. Together. Then all these stupid mails on our phone will be meaningless. We're going to win."
Sho couldn't help thinking of the newest version of the "winter is coming" mails that were clogging up the inbox of his cell phone. All the little devil emoji. It had only happened after the situation with Yasuda and that day at Music Station. Had Yasuda-kun really lost his memory about that day, or was Kanjani8 trying to trick them all?
Jun's hand slipped under the covers, fingers inching toward Sho's thigh. "Sho-kun..."
He shut his eyes. "Let me...let me just check my email one more time."
Jun groaned. "Come onnnn."
"Just one more time, and I swear I'll let you do whatever you want to me."
"You're worse than a woman," Jun complained. "Next you'll say you have a headache."
He slapped Jun's hand away from his leg and opened the laptop, logging into his email account quickly. It was well after midnight, yet there was a brand new message from Aiba-chan. It hadn't been there a few minutes ago. "See, what did I tell you?"
Jun was growing impatient. "Click on it already. Seeing all of Masaki's typos is going to turn me off if you don't do this quickly."
Sho smiled, opening the email. Jun sure had changed from the timid, eager-to-please boy he'd been when they were younger, but he supposed it kept their sex life interesting. "Okay, let me just skim...'Sho-chan, how are you? It's me, Aiba-chan...'"
Jun pulled a pillow over his face, and his hand started moving underneath the blanket in desperation. "Hurry up, hurry up, don't read it out loud!"
"'So about last night, I may have dropped the package.'"
"What package?" Jun wondered, lowering the pillow immediately, more interested in Aiba's email than he let on. Which was typical, Sho thought.
Sho shook his head. "I think Aiba's trying to talk in code, but he's not very good at it. The package, the package..." He kept reading, then frowned. "He says 'and by package, I mean the bakery list. I'm very sorry. I think Yoko might have found it.'"
"That idiot!" Jun cried out. "Why did he even print a hard copy?"
Sho scowled. He didn't like being mad at Aiba-chan. It was like being angry at a puppy. A dumb puppy who peed on everything and lost valuable bakery lists in enemy territory. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Damage control. They're not going to know what it means. It's just a list of bakeries."
"Bakeries that specialize in one particular item," Jun reminded him.
"And you think any of them would deduce that? Think about it."
"Hina might," Jun hinted.
Sho sighed. They could count on apathy or airheadedness from most of the members, but Murakami was always the wild card. "Do we take him out? Do we change the plan?"
Jun had finally had enough plotting, shutting Sho's laptop lid again. "We'll deal with it tomorrow."
And when Jun's hand made it back to Sho's thigh, he relented. "Tomorrow then."
Chapter 4: Solo Artists, Bassists, and Broken Things
Koyama had had enough. Maybe if he'd sold Yamapi to TOKIO things would have worked out differently. But almost every hour on the hour, Tegoshi was reminding Koyama of the poor decision he'd made. His inbox was constantly being bombarded with messages from Tegoshi now, none of which mentioned TOKIO talking to Johnny-san about Countdown.
Instead, Koyama's phone was full of purikura photos of Tegoshi and Nagase making creepy kissy faces, Tegoshi and Nagase skipping along holding hands at DisneySea, Tegoshi and Nagase playing with puppies at a pet store...it was disgusting. And not just that, but it meant that he'd lost Tegoshi for good and he'd lost him to the dark side.
But he couldn't admit defeat. So what, Koyama had told himself as he shifted gears. That was why smart people like him had back-up plans. It had taken some prodding and some bribery, but he had Shige on his side, mostly because Shige was bored, and when he was bored, he was more liable to go along with Koyama's ideas. The two of them were riding the train incognito in hopes of breaking into Taichi-san's apartment complex.
Tegoshi had gone on and on about it in one of his nasty bragging messages, that TOKIO was having yet another party sure to involve a ton of liquor and maybe a stripper or twenty, who knew? And every attempt to get a hold of Massu for the past week had been hopeless. At least he still had Shige.
Shige adjusted his special incognito glasses and his special incognito baseball cap as he sighed. "I don't want to go to this party."
"Well, if they've only adopted Tegoshi because it's funny to watch him do beer bongs, then that has to be a breach of contract. You're the law expert, can't you prosecute them or something? Serve them with some kind of papers?"
Shige eyed him suspiciously. "You do realize I'm not actually a practicing attorney, right?"
"Close enough!" Koyama insisted, adjusting his own special incognito hooded sweatshirt. "Like any of them would know if you started rambling off statutes and all that other boring stuff you talk about." Now Shige looked ready to slap him. "Oh get over yourself, you know it's boring."
"Remind me why you're so desperate for my help again? Because I could be doing nothing right now which sounds a lot more attractive."
"Because," Koyama said, "I need you. NEWS needs you. For Countdown."
"And is that what you told Tegoshi before you sold him to Nagase like a prostitute?"
He gritted his teeth. "I don't like your attitude today, Shige. We're crashing this party, we are taking a stand."
"It sounds more like you're jealous because TOKIO doesn't want you to be their friend. You can't be everyone's best buddy, Kei-chan, that's how life goes."
The train arrived at their stop, and Koyama got up without looking to see if Shige was still following him. But when they arrived at the apartment complex where Taichi-san supposedly lived, Shige had his game face on. He might have been a bit of a sourpuss, but the prospect of sneaking around like a ninja would make any man giddy.
They made it past the doorman by carrying pizza boxes they'd rummaged out of a dumpster behind the building and from there it was only a matter of hitting the buzzer for 'Kokubun' in the front entryway.
"Heeeeey," came the voice through the intercom. It was definitely Matsuoka. And he was definitely drunk.
"Yes, this is...this is, uh," Shige stuttered, unsure of what to say.
Koyama elbowed him aside. "This is AKB48!" he said in his girliest voice. "Can we come up?"
Shige elbowed him back. "He's never going to believe..."
"AKB alriiiiight! Don't tell your managers, and we won't tell ours!" Matsuoka cheered, and the buzzer went off, allowing them to enter.
"That was too easy," Shige complained as they got in the elevator and dumped the empty pizza boxes. "We could be stalker fans. Or serial killing stalker fans!"
But Koyama didn't care. They were crashing this party, and they didn't even have to crossdress. When they entered, the apartment was full of people he didn't know, but he and Shige snuck around the back of the small crowd as soon as they spotted all five members of TOKIO in the center of the room. Shige shook him.
"Kei-chan, wait..."
And that was when he saw it. It wasn't just TOKIO at the center of the room - Tegoshi was there, too, looking proud and triumphant with Massu at his side. Massu, who looked uncomfortable but wasn't in any rush to leave.
"Massu?" Koyama murmured. "Massu, why are you here?"
With Nagase's assistance, Tegoshi and Massu climbed up onto Taichi's coffee table, surveying the room like a royal couple. Koyama felt his stomach drop as Tegoshi met his eyes from across the room.
"TOKIO, Massu, and I have an announcement!" Tegoshi said proudly as Yamaguchi forced a can of beer into Massu's hand, if only to detract attention from his deer in the headlights face. "With TOKIO's assistance, this year's Johnny's Countdown will be hosted by Tegomasu!" He smiled at Koyama. "And only us."
--
He hadn't really wanted to make much of the bakery list that Yoko had given him. This whole thing was getting way too complicated, and Hina didn't have all the time in the world to waste on following Arashi's every move. Kanjani8 still had plenty of variety tapings and promotional activity to occupy their time, and it was bad enough that he was still staying on Aiba's couch.
The previous night he'd woken to find Aiba digging through his DVD collection and sobbing openly in search of the missing Housewife Hunters 14 that Yoko had pilfered, and since he hadn't wanted to rock the boat further, he hadn't let Aiba know the truth and had pretended to still be asleep. The lengths these idiots would go to for porn.
If dealing with Arashi wasn't enough, now he had Toma asking after him every day about new "developments" in Kanjani's Countdown efforts. Of which there were none, Hina had tried to assure him. Arashi was probably going to sabotage itself in the end with short-sightedness and it was all Hina's group needed to rise to the top. Why scheme when they could be rewarded for patience?
But Toma had apparently been displeased by this lack of initiative. He claimed that NEWS was up to something too, that Yamapi had mentioned it in passing. And that was definitely news to Hina - Ryo-chan hadn't said a thing about NEWS wanting to host, too. Could he even trust his own group? Yasu falling out of windows, Yoko hunting fake assassins, Ryo a potential double agent - all things Arashi could exploit. Toma at least hinted as much.
So the long-suffering Murakami headed for the same restaurant with Toma again, this time under cover of darkness. Toma waved him over. "Dark times, my friend, dark times," Toma declared, eyes darting all around the room.
Hina resisted the urge to smack Toma, lest any of the restaurant's other patrons discover him there. "Okay, what is it you want this time?"
"Look around the cafe," Toma said. "And tell me what you see."
Hina sighed and did as Toma asked. And that was when he saw two figures at the counter immediately look away, one of them knocking over a little bucket of chopsticks. Hina knew them! And of course, if he didn't, the roller skates at their feet were enough of a giveaway. Members of Kis-My-Ft2. "Senga-kun? And Fujigaya-kun?"
Toma nodded gravely. "Spies."
"What do you mean spies?" He turned back around to see the two of them skating off and out the door. The suckers were fast, Hina had to give them that. "They just debuted, when did they find the time to spy on me?"
"Not just you," Toma assured him. "Everyone. They're Arashi's."
"Arashi's what?"
Toma tilted his head, gesturing behind them. Hina turned around and two kids winked at him. "Goseki-kun? Kawai-kun?"
"Yours, if the price is right," Toma said.
Hina turned back, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise. "Let me get this straight. Arashi's hiring kohai as spies? Why?"
"Because they want to win." Toma snapped his fingers, and Hina watched the two ABC-Z members depart the restaurant as though they'd never been there. "This is the power I can give you, Hina. This is all Sho-kun and Jun-kun's money flying around, and it's recent. They're afraid of you now, why else would they need to contract out? So why not get them back. I mean, name a junior and I can buy him for you. Except little Tanaka, you know Koki-kun would kill me."
Hina slammed his fist on the table. "Toma, I don't want to buy anybody! I don't need spies, and I don't need a battle strategy. It's fall, and you know what that means? It means Arashi won't have time for this shit now. Sho-kun has a drama, Matsujun has a play, they're all busy! By default, Johnny-san will just come to us and hand us Countdown on a silver platter."
Toma removed a slip of paper from within his jacket, sliding it across the table. When Hina unfolded it, he gasped. It was the exact same list Yoko had given him the other day at Aiba's apartment, the list of bakeries.
"How the hell did you get this?"
Toma smiled as their waiter approached - once Hina squinted a bit, he realized it was just Arioka Daiki from Hey Say Jump with a fake mustache. "Thanks Daiki-kun, we'll both have the ramen today."
"Right away...sir," Daiki replied with a smile, walking off.
Hina shivered. "You have your own spies?"
"You must take me for a fool, Hina. Now about this list..."
Who the hell could he trust now? Not half his group, not Toma, not Arashi, not any of his juniors. "Go on, then. What about the list?"
"I took the liberty of Googling them all, these bakeries. A child could have figured out what Arashi was up to."
"Would you just tell me already?"
Toma smirked. "What we have here, Murakami Shingo, is a list of bakeries that specialize in one particular sweet treat."
"And that is...?"
"Scones, Hina," Toma said, tapping the paper insistently. "They all make scones."
--
Life was really good, Maru thought. Kanjani8 was having its best year ever, he was having his personal best year ever acting-wise, and he had the best friends a guy could ask for. Of course, he was currently drunk, so everything in existence was simply glorious. He was on beer number eight, and Oh-chan was calling for some tequila shots.
A few beers back, the Joy-killing Hina in his head would have convinced him that mixing his alcohol types was boneheaded. But since he was on beer eight, Joy-killing Hina had been thoroughly quashed and the Stupidity-encouraging Subaru in his head was winning out.
"Oh-chan," he told Arashi's leader as the increasingly sexy waitress brought over the round of shots. "You know, it seems like there's this pointless...anim...animos...ani...it seems like Arashi and Kanjani8 are like, fighting or something."
Ohno wrapped an arm around his shoulders, smiling. "Arashi doesn't hate you, Maru-chan. We love you!"
"I know, right? We're best buddies!"
"Best buddies for sure!" Ohno sing-songed. "Sho-kun's been a grumpy pants lately. He's all, Satoshi-kun, you need to take this seriously. Satoshi-kun, you need to stop fishing and start going where I tell you to go. Satoshi-kun, stop pretending to be asleep when I'm talking to you! Countdown is important! Well, here's what I think of Sho-kun tonight!" He clinked his shot glass against Maru's and downed his first.
The slight alcoholic fog in Maru's head briefly cleared. "What's thaaaat? About Countdown, Oh-chan? What's going on?"
Ohno's head lolled against his shoulder. "Maru-chan, down the hatch!"
Maru loved Oh-chan. Just like he loved all of Arashi. And everyone in the entire jimusho. Maru's heart was full of so much love, he thought it might explode. But Hina and Yuuchin had been blabbing about Countdown all this time now, as if Arashi was plotting their downfall or something. But Oh-chan had been so nice to him. When he'd come to him at Music Station, he'd said something about Kanjani8 singing Arashi songs in Osaka, and Arashi singing Kanjani8 songs in Tokyo. It sounded like a marvelous arrangement, an alliance between their groups.
Maru downed the shot as Ohno directed, feeling the tingly delicious burn as it raced its way to join the beer in his belly. "Maru, I love you more than Sho-kun right now because he's mean."
"Don't say that, Oh-chan!"
Ohno clamped his hand over Maru's mouth, and despite his obvious intoxication, he had his Serious Ohno Eyes locked on. "Now I only tell you this because I trust you and love you," Ohno said very seriously. "And because Sho-kun has turned Matsujun to his side, and Aiba-chan too. They are outta controoooool!"
Maru listened as Ohno's voice lowered to a whisper.
"You want to know a secret? Johnny-san loves scones."
Maru was confused. "Hmmfhmfff?" he asked against Ohno's hand.
"He loves them, Maru. Just...don't tell okay?" And then Ohno's face turned green. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
Maru watched Arashi's leader stumble out of the booth and hurry to the bathroom. The tequila was still burning, and Maru didn't know why, but his first instinct was to pull his phone from his pocket. Oh-chan had trusted him with this information, Maru told himself. And what did it mean anyway, Johnny-san loving scones? It was some pointless factoid. But at the same time, Maru was also the absolute worst at keeping secrets when he was drunk. Didn't Oh-chan know that by now?
And by the time Maru's thought process had reached that conclusion, Yoko was already yelling at him on the line. "Maruyama, it is 1:00 in the morning, I don't want your drunk dials!"
"But...Yuuchin, you...you said if Arashi told me something..." He hiccuped, peeking around the booth to see if Ohno was on his way back yet. He wasn't.
"Arashi told you what? Spit it out, or I'm calling the paparazzi on you."
"Yuuchin wouldn't do that, Yuuchin is loving and friendly and squishy!"
"WOULD YOU TELL ME WHAT THEY TOLD YOU ALREADY?!"
He giggled. Yoko was a grouchy old man at this hour, but he had sent everyone in the group a message the other day: "if you meet up with Arashi, be vigilant. They may be trying to kill and or trick and or maim you. And if they spill any secrets, tell me immediately."
"Oh-chan and I are drunk!" he explained. "And he was all, 'Maru, you are the most talented person in the agency!'"
"He didn't say that."
He giggled again. "Okay, okay. He said that Sakurai-kun was yelling at him all the time, so he told me a secret that Sakurai-kun doesn't want anyone to know. He said that Johnny-san loves scones. What does that mean, Yuuchin? Like, aren't old men supposed to cut down on sweets?"
The line went dead, and he stared at the phone.
"Yuuchin?"
--
Finally, Nino had a day off. A day off of filming for CMs and variety alike, and Nino relished the time he had to himself. Sure, he had a bunch of bakeries he was supposed to visit for what had to be the thousandth taste test since they'd started this stupid operation, but Nino just wasn't feeling like it today. He'd been loyal all this time. He needed one day, just one precious day where he could be Nino and not Nino from Arashi.
So he went where none of the other members would bother tracking him down: the narrow, maid cafe-filled alleyways and streets of Akihabara. As he walked around in his incognito cap and "I am carrying the death plague" white mask over his face, he felt relieved. He could peruse secondhand stores, tracking down old game cartridges and figurines. He could enter an arcade and school some junior high kids at fighting games. It was here that Nino truly felt like he was amongst his people again.
The call of rare goodies brought Nino to a small game shop tucked away in one of the streets. He had his credit card and a fridge full of energy drinks at home - the night was his as soon as he found some treasure worthy of his time. He entered the store, walking past the lifesize Chun Li doll that guarded the entrance. Instead of stylists and ADs and his fellow idols, there were only fanboys here, keeping to themselves as they looked for masturbatory material or the best price to sell back an old Gundam model.
So lost was Nino in his peaceful store wanderings that he didn't notice the other person's hand reaching for the old Dragon Quest cartridge at the same time - he'd been so focused on getting it, a potential replacement for one he'd long ago worn out, that he came sweaty hand to sweaty hand with Yokoyama Yu.
Their eyes met, and Nino pulled his hand away. "Yoko."
"Nino."
"What are you doing here?" He raised an eyebrow. "I saw the game first."
"Oh Nino, I'm not here for the game," Yoko said a bit loudly, and Nino pulled him to the side.
"Would you keep your voice down?" he hissed. "Someone's going to recognize us." And the last thing Nino wanted on his Independent Nino day was to be noticed.
But when he saw the look in Yoko's eyes, Nino realized that he was in big trouble. Sho had been bothering him all day with messages about Kanjani8 being on to them, but he hadn't taken it seriously. Mostly because he didn't care. But now he had Yoko here in the store with him. Yoko who might have been stalking him all this time.
"Look," Nino said, figuring all he had left to do was try and bargain with him. "If you let me leave, I won't kill you."
Yoko's eyes widened. "Assassin!" he shouted, and the whole store turned around to stare.
He tried to pull Yoko behind one of the other shelves, but his threat had backfired. Instead Yoko marched to the center of the store, drawing the eyes of all around, including one guy who was trying to quietly grope the Chun Li doll.
"My name is Yokoyama Yu, and I am in Johnny's."
Nino was frozen in place. Even his mask wasn't going to help now, so he pulled the thing off and shoved it in his pocket. Yoko had everyone's attention now.
"That little imp over there is the cause of so much pain and suffering, and I think you'll agree."
"I didn't do anything," Nino muttered. He'd worked so hard not to give a shit, but now he had dozens of otaku eyes on him.
"You there," Yoko pointed to a guy looking through old gaming guides. "How has Ninomiya Kazunari of Arashi ruined your life?"
"Well," the guy said, "my girlfriend dumped me because she liked Matsujun."
"But I'm not Matsujun!" Nino screeched, stomping his feet.
"And you?" Yoko said, pointing to another guy.
The nerdy fellow squinted at Nino through his glasses. "What the hell was with those Zelda commercials? All you guys did was talk!"
"They told us to do that!"
And now people were volunteering damning information without Yoko having to prompt them. "They play Arashi songs at work all day!" "The 3DS isn't even that great!" "There wasn't enough sex in Gantz! I needed more tits!"
Nino backed up until he was flattened against the shelves. "Guys, guys," he said, "I am not the enemy here."
But Yoko was looking triumphant. "My car is parked a block away. Which of you gallant fellows will help me see that Nino pays for his crimes?"
"I will!"
"And me!"
"Me too!"
Nino didn't even see the otaku coming up from behind with the metallic Gantz gumball dispenser until it thwacked him in the back of the head.
Part Three