Get Yourself Arrested (2/2)
GET YOURSELF ARRESTED, 2/2
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
THREE
--
"Three, huh," Sho muttered as soon as the die settled.
Ohno watched Aiba yank the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number three. I like plan number three."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!"
Ohno leaned back and smiled. As the only person in the way back of the van, he already had some idea of what plan number three entailed. There was a large garbage bag in the rear of the vehicle behind him, a piece of paper labeled "PLAN 3 - DO NOT OPEN UNLESS YOU ARE AIBA" pinned to it. When they'd piled in the van earlier that evening, Ohno had seen an ugly blonde wig sticking out of it and he'd been pulling for plan three to be the winner out of sheer curiosity.
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going west across the city. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said agreeably, although he hoped somebody else would pay. He'd just bought five new fishing rods through Yahoo Auctions. Five because he couldn't really narrow it down. These things happened.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. While everyone else tried to pester Aiba into explaining what the mysterious plan was, nobody paid attention to Ohno. Which was fine. He usually didn't have too much to say, so he was used to them ignoring him. And this enabled him to yawn, stretch his arms over his head, letting one of them fall behind the seat to slightly tug the bag open.
The blonde wig wasn't alone. No, there was an array of ugly wigs in the bag, and beneath them, ugly looking sequins. Even in the relative darkness of the van Ohno could spot an ugly costume. After all, he was a member of Johnny's Jimusho and had spent the better part of his life wearing ugly costumes.
Aiba managed to keep his mouth shut all the way to Shinjuku, the van slowly lurching through the evening traffic. Even in the cold January night the streets were packed with salarymen off to drink, tourists and their cameras documenting every neon-lit building, and young people off to the clubs.
Matsujun's ire was quickly raised when they made it to a red light. "You could have sprung for a van with tinted windows," he said, turning up the collar of his coat. Of the five of them, his face was usually the most difficult to disguise.
"What are we doing in Kabukicho anyway? Are we picking up girls?" Nino asked.
Aiba shook his head.
"Are we picking up guys?" Nino murmured.
Aiba said nothing.
"Oh my god, we're picking up guys," Nino said, and Sho raised his hand like he was in a classroom.
"Uh, Aiba-chan, what exactly are we doing?"
But Aiba stayed quiet, driving through the narrow streets, and fortunately the sights of the neighborhood - the restaurants, the arcades, the nightclubs - were enough to keep the attention of everyone outside the van. It allowed Aiba to pull into an even smaller street, maneuvering the van into a parking garage below one of the buildings. He then ordered everyone to take off their coats and leave them in the van.
"Where are we?" Sho asked, looking almost as nervous as Matsujun, following right behind him. In TV Land Ohno was credited with being the world's most unobservant person. But in real life, he'd have to be blind and deaf to not see what was happening under his nose. Arashi had been around for so long, and maybe the opportunity had presented itself before but neither of them had taken it. But lately, just lately, Ohno thought that maybe a thing was about to happen between Sho-kun and Matsujun, and nothing would make him happier.
For one thing, it would get them off his back. It was like they funneled all their obvious lust for one another into paying attention to Ohno, and he'd been the recipient of one too many awkward hugs from Matsujun, one too many dances on TV with Sho-kun that ended with Sho on his knees with his face at Ohno's crotch. Ohno just didn't go that way, and he didn't want to hurt their feelings, not ever. Surely they'd eventually figure out they belonged with each other instead.
Aiba opened the back door of the van, taking out the garbage bag and hugging it to him like a giant pillow. A giant pillow full of wigs and women's clothing.
"My friend is very discrete," Aiba said. "He's going to help us out."
Though the others didn't seem to know what was going on, Ohno did. One night during a tour, sitting at some hotel bar way down in Fukuoka, Sho had confessed to Ohno how much he loved to crossdress. Any time they cosplayed in ladies' attire on television, Sho made a big stink about it - but secretly, nothing made him much happier than parading around in a dress and heels once in a while. At the time, Ohno had not known what to say beyond "that's nice, Sho-kun."
Now Ohno realized that he had let Sho's secret slip out to Aiba-chan one night during some other tour, sitting at some hotel bar way up in Sapporo. And Aiba hadn't forgotten it.
They dutifully followed Aiba into an elevator despite their best judgment because if anything, Arashi was not a group that rocked the boat. If it was for Sho's birthday, they'd behave. They would go along with it no matter what, even if they were screaming inside. Which Nino now clearly was, his eyes darting back and forth from Aiba's satisfied smirk to the wig hair sticking out of the bag.
Aiba's "discrete friend" turned out to be some high school friend of his who'd left Chiba for the bright lights of the Tokyo gay bar scene. When Aiba announced that they were all going to walk the streets of Kabukicho in drag in honor of Sho's birthday and as a means of building group unity, Matsujun looked ready to throw himself out the window.
"We'll get caught!" was Nino's complaint.
"I hate nylons!" was Jun's.
But Ohno could see the tiny spark in Sho's eyes, the hopeful spark there at Aiba's sensitivity to his true feelings, at Aiba's understanding of his heart. It was enough to make Ohno step up and open the garbage bag, pulling out a schoolgirl uniform and a blonde wig tied in pigtails.
"Happy birthday, Sho-kun." He tugged the wig on over his hair. "Let's do this."
--
"You're an ugly woman," Nino was telling Aiba as the five of them shivered their way down the street in the awkward stiletto heels Aiba's friend had lent them.
"You're an uglier woman," Aiba shot back, hiding behind Sho so he could adjust himself under his skirt.
"You're both ugly!" Jun said angrily, crossing his arms over the falsies Aiba's friend had also provided, his teeth chattering in the cold.
They sure made for quite the group, stumbling their way down the narrow streets as drunken men catcalled after them or simply stared. That nobody had discovered they were Arashi yet was a real testament to the makeup skills of Aiba's friend. Even now Ohno was regretting having rubbed his eyes, knowing he probably had a streak of mascara on his face.
For his part, Sho was quiet, and most likely because he was clearly the prettiest. Aiba had saved a blue wig for him that matched the blue sash with "It Is Today My Birthday!" written in English on it draped around him. Sho had not received a cheap schoolgirl uniform or policewoman costume from the garbage bag - instead he was elaborately done up in a Lolita-style dress from Aiba's friend's collection and carrying a matching parasol. At least four guys had propositioned him already, and Ohno had to hide a smile at the embarrassed joy on his friend's face.
"How much longer are we going to be out here?" Nino whined. "My legs are freezing."
Aiba rolled his eyes, twirling one of the braids of his brunette wig. "Until Sho-chan is satisfied."
"What do you mean satisfied?" Nino shot back. "Satisfied meaning happy or satisfied meaning someone takes him home and spanks him with that parasol?"
At that Ohno wanted to say something, but Jun beat him to the punch, thwacking Nino in the ass with the nightstick from his policewoman costume. "On your birthday we can all sit around in sweatpants while you play games and then take a nap," he said angrily. "But it's not your birthday."
"It is today my birthday," Sho said quietly, running his fingers over the English on his sash, his ruby red lipsticked mouth quirking upward at the corners.
Eventually Aiba announced that he had to pee, so Sho decided that they'd had enough fun. Although Ohno wouldn't exactly describe the feeling of his feet in four-inch heels as "fun." They walked past a few host clubs before turning down an alleyway, a shortcut back to the building where Aiba's friend lived.
Unfortunately, they bumped right into two actual policemen on the beat, Sho accidentally beaning one of them in the head with his parasol as he tried to cover his face.
"I'm sorry!" Sho said in embarrassment, and the five of them looked straight down.
"What's all this then?" the first cop asked. Ohno looked over, saw that the police were giving Nino and Jun angry stares. They were both in miniskirt police outfits, after all.
"Looks like they're impersonating officers of the law to me."
"We're going to a costume party," Nino said, and Ohno noticed that he'd changed his voice a bit, sounding not very much like Ninomiya Kazunari from Arashi.
"It's just a joke," Aiba chimed in, looking like he desperately needed to scratch himself and only the existence of the cops in front of him kept him from doing so.
The cops were apparently not in a joking mood. "We've had reports of five male prostitutes in the area trying to solicit."
"We're not prostitutes!" Jun said, eyes flashing angrily and impulsively reaching for his nightstick. Which was really the worst thing he could have done, especially since Sho had already hit one of them with his parasol.
In seconds the cops had them facing the wall, legs spread. Aiba was still complaining about needing to pee.
--
It was a lot warmer in the Shinjuku Police Department's holding cell, which sure beat shivering in the cold in stilettos. Although Ohno wished they'd allowed them to stop back at Aiba's friend's place to get their own clothes. Especially because he'd had 5000 yen and his Tsuri King fishing store loyalty card in the back pocket of his jeans. He was only two stamps away from a new lure!
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
Ohno had been very amused by the look on the two officers' faces once the five of them had been seen under the lights of the police station. There'd been tons of apologies and a laughed off explanation from Aiba that it was a prank being filmed by a secret camera for one of their variety shows. Lying to the police didn't sit too well with Ohno, but it sure was better than the alternative - trying to explain that one of Japan's top idols was really into crossdressing, and the rest of them were in women's clothing in solidarity with him.
Their managers would be arriving shortly, and Nino and Aiba-chan had both been given permission to leave the cell for a bathroom break. That left Ohno draped in a very unlady-like manner across three of the chairs inside the cell, not really caring if any of the officers out in the squad room walked by and saw him. He was tired, and his feet were screaming. How did girls get used to walking around in these things?
While Ohno faded in and out of consciousness, his vision blurry, he thought that Sho (sitting beside Matsujun in the back corner of the cell and away from prying eyes) looked a bit like a wedding cake topper. He also thought he briefly saw Jun run the cool metal of the fake police handcuffs from his costume up and down Sho's bare arm.
When Sho put up his parasol, blocking the two of them from view completely, Ohno turned his head away and smiled. Finally! And it had only taken the five of them getting arrested for lewd behavior for the two of them to finally make their feelings known.
He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
FOUR
--
Nino frowned when the die landed on four. Clearly nobody in this van gave a crap about all the doors that had just closed. Or, in fact, opened. Somewhere, five other universes were running parallel to their own. In one universe, Sho-chan had rolled a one. In another, two. In yet another, three. And on and on. Nino crossed his arms, thoroughly displeased at the unnecessary and unplanned deviation of his own time stream.
Even now there were five other Ninos in five other timelines doing who knows what. He slunk down in his seat in protest. If Nino's time stream required a necessary split, a road not taken, he wanted it to be on his own terms. And especially not Aiba's.
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number four. I like plan number four."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!" Aiba said cheerfully, clearly happy with himself for the chaos he'd indirectly created with this stupid plan.
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Nino could see that Sho was happy, clearly happier than he'd been all day. Because Nino, of course, had spies at NTV who had spent the whole day watching Sho be sad and miserable, thinking Arashi had forgotten about his special day. Which was completely absurd - every magazine interview they ever had in January came with a birthday cake for Sho. How could they possibly forget him? For someone smart like Sho, it often amazed Nino when he had spurts of idiocy.
But he was happy that Sho was happy, and he supposed if that meant that his time stream was potentially screwed over, it was just the way things had to go.
He pulled his 3DS out of his jacket pocket, shivering a bit. Aiba usually wasn't a cheapskate - would it kill him to turn the heat up in the van a little bit? Nino sprawled across Sho's lap, focusing on the bright colors of the screen as Sho obliged his need for comfort. Behind them, he could hear Ohno snoring, and in front of him he listened with amusement as J tried to keep Aiba from dropping hints about his undying love for Sho.
Nino was no fool. One of these days Jun was just going to have to say something about it. Or maybe Sho-chan would first. The pair of them could be so honest and blunt about some things, but it seemed that being honest and blunt with one another was not in the cards. And so Nino lay with his head in Sho's lap, waiting to see if Jun would do something about it.
Between Nino's gentle encouragement and Aiba's all-too-obvious "don't you have something important to tell Sho-chan?" teasing, tonight would hopefully be the night. Then all five of them could move on with their lives and not have to endure much more of the "will they, won't they" straight out of some bad drama series. He loved Sho and J, he truly did, and if he really loved them, he'd let them figure things out themselves.
But sometimes love means forcing your band members into a rented van with a musty smell in hopes of pushing one into confessing to another. Nino thought it would all take place at the nipple-tweaker club, but now he had no damn idea where they were going.
Soon enough Aiba pulled off the highway just north of the Yokohama downtown. Hmm, maybe they'd go to a Chinese restaurant, get a private room. He wouldn't put it past Aiba to sneak Sho a fortune cookie that said boning a close friend was in his immediate future. Instead they pulled up to a strip mall, Nino saving his game as Aiba pulled the van into a parking spot.
"Everybody out!" Aiba cheered. Jun grumbled something obnoxious in response.
"Won't they know who we are?" Ohno mumbled behind them.
Aiba dug around in a small bag at J's feet, wiggling a package of fake mustaches. "See, fool proof!"
Nino had known Aiba for the better part of his life, and he hadn't met anyone else in Johnny's who was that terrible at disguising himself. Sho fidgeted underneath Nino. "Why are we at a fireworks store?"
"Because we're going to set them off on the beach, duh. Now come on, everybody out!" Aiba said, flinging a mustache at each of them. J rolled his eyes, opting instead for a spare face mask he had stashed in his very warm-looking coat. Nino kind of wanted to swap coats with him, but he doubted he'd get his way.
Four of them mustached (and one of them masked), they exited the van and headed into the fireworks store. It was January 25th, almost January 26th, and it was clearly not fireworks weather. For one, it was not summer. And for two, Nino realized as he ran his ass off from the vehicle and into the shop, it was windy and cold and they weren't going to be able to light much of it too well.
And yet Sho was smiling under his mustache. A fireworks date with his four favorite people. Guy was over the moon, Nino saw, and decided to be a little less disagreeable. After all, fireworks weren't so bad compared to what the Nino in another universe might have been suffering through. Who knew what else was in that awful garish binder Aiba insisted on carrying with him?
Together they managed to pick out some decent fireworks, and to everyone's surprise, Leader actually paid for them. Nino was mostly surprised he even carried some cash on him.
So with hope and ambition and best wishes for Sho in their hearts, they departed the store together. The double doors at the front whooshed open, and joy turned into chaos. How had they not even seen them coming?
Twenty, no thirty...hell, maybe there were fifty of them out here, and no mustache, fake or otherwise, was enough to fool them. Female fans, screaming at the top of their lungs as soon as Sho came out wearing the bizarre "It Is Today My Birthday!" sash Aiba had stashed somewhere in the van earlier over his coat.
"Oh god, run!" Aiba screamed, immediately losing any cool he had. Jun gave Sho a push, nearly knocking him into the van as they struggled to get the door open. The crush of the girls around them made breathing hard really quickly. He thought he felt someone trying to yank his jeans off his ass, but it was just Leader desperate to cling to him as they fought against the onslaught.
"Arashi! Arashi!" they were screaming. "Arashi!" And it was like a homing beacon - Nino could hear more of them coming, ready to do unspeakable things to them. In five other universes, Nino was probably safe from this, he hoped. Even if this universe's Nino - Nino Prime, he liked to think - didn't make it, maybe it was okay that five of him would live on in parallel dimensions.
Somehow they got into the van, Nino nearly pulling the van door shut on some girl's hand after she screamed "I want your babies!" in his face. Aiba turned the key in the ignition and the four of them hit the deck as some of the overzealous fans knocked on the windows. Some were scrambling onto the hood, pounding on the windshield with their fists in crazed happiness.
"This is the worst birthday ever!" Sho proclaimed from the floor of the van, his stupid sash somehow wrapped around Leader's neck and choking him.
"Don't worry, I'll go to plan B!" Aiba said.
"What's plan B?" Jun howled. "I hope it involves us getting the hell out of here!"
Nino looked at Aiba, his hands shaking as he tried to shift gears. "Masaki!" Nino shouted, "you've got it in Drive!"
"I'm backing up!" he was too busy screaming at one of the insane fans clinging to the windshield. "Move!"
"Put it in reverse!" Nino screeched. "IN REVERSE!"
But then Aiba's foot slammed down on the accelerator.
Thump. "Arashi! Ara-" Tha-thump!
And then there was the horrific squeal of the van tires as they jumped the curb.
Sho pulled his sash off, getting to his knees to look out the window as the swarm started to back away, horror in their eyes.
Aiba covered his mouth, turning his head to stare at them.
"Ohhhhhh shiiiiii-"
--
It was a lot warmer in the Kanagawa Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, though Nino was still a little too shell-shocked to appreciate it. If Aiba had gone any faster, he'd be facing vehicular manslaughter charges right now. Fortunately, the injured girl would live to wave her Sakurai Sho uchiwa another day. The fans gathered around the van had cushioned her fall.
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
The four of them could still hear Aiba's high-pitched wails of apology in the interrogation room. Nino was pretty sure that Aiba was going to be set free on a self-defense argument if the lawyers from Johnny's management got their way. And the psycho fans would be easily placated by free tickets to Arashi's next concert. Although Nino didn't like the thought of any of those females watching him in the crowd, trying to climb the moving stage and pull his pants down. Why were they so interested in his pants?
Despite the traumatic experience, Leader was completely asleep, his body draped awkwardly across three chairs. Nino could hear J and Sho behind him, sequestered in the corner as if to distance themselves from the rest of the group and the crazy evening. He couldn't blame them. He got to his feet, shuffling up to the bars of the holding cell.
"Excuse me!" he called, waving at the female officer. "Is there any way I could get more marshmallows?"
As she opened the cell door and let him follow her to the station's kitchen and the promise of sugary goodness, Nino looked back over his shoulder just in time to see Sho's fingers wrap around Jun's hand. About damn time.
He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
FIVE
--
It was a lot warmer in the Nagano Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, at least compared to the thirty minutes they'd spent shivering in the cold, gasoline-less van on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Jun scowled at Aiba from across the cell. It was his fault after all, not realizing that taking a long road trip meant planning stops at a gas station from time to time. They were just lucky that police officer had pulled over, offering them a ride.
None of them could get a signal on their cell phones, so nobody from management would be able to come get them until morning, Jun suspected. The town they'd ended up in was so small and remote it didn't have an inn of any sort. And even if they were Arashi, it was rude to impose on strangers. The five of them would just have to spend the night here.
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
Another officer came in with some pillows and blankets for them, and as they started to arrange themselves on the cold, concrete floor of the cell (save for Leader who said he'd be fine sleeping across the chairs), Jun found himself growing a bit red in embarrassment. Because for some reason - he suspected Nino and Aiba's intervention - he and Sho would be spending the night side by side. And Jun knew how he slept. He tossed, he turned. If he rolled just the right way he'd probably end up in Sho's personal space. And how exactly could he explain that?
The police officers shut out the lights and headed out for the night, locking them in for privacy. The town was so small they apparently didn't feel the need for 'round the clock police service. Jun curled up awkwardly on the blankets, feeling the unforgiving floor under his hips. He draped his coat over himself for extra warmth, listening to the others slowly fall asleep.
He, of course, stayed wide awake, stuck with his paranoia. He'd known all along that this special birthday extravaganza for Sho was just Aiba's creepy way of trying to hook them up. Aiba seemed to be convinced that Sho would be at his very nicest and most receptive on his birthday with all attention on him. Jun wished he hadn't come along, wished he'd found an excuse to back out and meet with Sho-kun on his own terms.
They'd gone out to dinner plenty of times in the past few years, talking business and Arashi and the unknown future. Sure, he'd always liked Sho - Jun had a hard time compartmentalizing his feelings where Sho was concerned. He had just grown better at hiding them. But now here he was, lying on the floor of a police station, and Aiba and Nino were already curled up away from them like a pair of dumb, meddlesome puppies.
Jun tried to listen close for the sounds of Sho's snoring. It was hard to miss, after all. But no snoring, not a trace of it. Now or never, Matsumoto, he told himself.
"Sho-kun?" he whispered.
He heard the rustling of Sho's jacket beside him, so close he shut his eyes and tried to ignore how it excited him. "Matsujun?"
"Some birthday, huh?"
"No kidding," Sho replied, his whispers in the dark enough to make Jun's heart race. "Maybe we should have just gone to that club Nino was talking about."
"And miss out on this wonderful opportunity to bond as a group?"
"We have good people looking out for us," Sho reassured him with a quiet chuckle. "The press will never catch wind of this."
"Sho-san," Jun said quietly when he heard noisy, real snores coming from the Aiba-and-Nino direction.
"Hmm?"
"I have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone."
"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, almost too loudly. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."
Was that what he'd been thinking this whole time? That Jun didn't have feelings for him?
He decided to be straightforward.
"I like you. Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "And I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that we're sleeping on the floor of a police station I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"
Sho fumbled in the dark for Jun's hand, squeezing his fingers. Jun could hear Sho wince as he scraped his finger on one of Jun's rings.
"I like you, too," Sho admitted, and Jun had never felt so relieved in his entire life. "But this really was the worst birthday ever."
Jun laughed shyly, tightening his grip on Sho's hand. He wondered just how out of it Nino and Aiba actually were. Now that he'd confessed, now that Sho had gone ahead and confessed right back, the temptation to act on it...to finally do something was a bit overwhelming. "I wonder what would have happened if you'd rolled something else on that die."
Sho smiled. "Well, nothing could be as bad as this, right?"
It was then that the blast from the alien mothership zapped the roof off of the police station, and all five of them screamed. No wonder they couldn't get a word through to Tokyo, Jun thought in panic as he stared up into the bright lights.
"I take it back!" Sho screamed as soon as the alien tractor beam locked onto him, pulling him up and off the floor of the police station. "About nothing being as bad. Because this is really bad!"
"We have to help him!" Jun shouted, all four of them getting to their feet and trying to tug Sho back to the ground with them. Unfortunately this made them four easy targets. Additional tractor beams locked on, and Jun could no longer struggle, the blinding lights of the alien vessel and the bitter chill of the January air numbing him as he was pulled up into the ship.
Even now he could see other ships dotting the night sky, beaming other defenseless Japanese folks out of their homes. It was a complete and utter invasion, and Jun wouldn't have believed it possible even five minutes earlier. Except for the fact that he was currently being, obviously, abducted.
When all five of them were aboard and a green-skinned alien with black, cavernous eyes looked down at them with a quirk to his blood-red lips, Nino elbowed Aiba in the side.
"Told you we should have gone to the nipple-tweaking club."
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
SIX
--
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. If Sho didn't know any better, he thought Aiba's face was looking downright naughty. "Ah, plan number six. I like plan number six."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!"
Sho looked at the small die in his palm, smirking to himself. Six different realities, huh? Well, whatever. Six was just as good as any other number, right?
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going west across the city. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. But they weren't on the highway for long. In fact, the exit was kind of familiar. The first few turns were equally familiar.
"Aiba-chan," Sho said. "Are we going where I think we're going?"
Aiba snickered a little bit. "Maybe."
"Where?" Satoshi-kun asked from the back seat. "Where are we going?"
It wasn't the nipple-tweaking club. It wasn't some elaborate crazy Aiba road trip. Sho couldn't help but smile even as he was curious and a bit confused when Aiba pulled the van into the garage underneath an apartment building.
Nino sighed. "Why bother renting the van if we were just going to come here?"
"The only reason we're here," Aiba said, putting the van in park, "is because Sho-chan rolled a six. It's just fate that landed us here."
"More like math," Jun said from the front seat. "Probability."
"Yeah yeah, whatever," Aiba said. "Everybody out!"
Aiba grabbed a garbage bag from the rear of the van, and the four of them followed him to an elevator. "Welcome to my place!" Aiba said as soon as they got upstairs, and he unlocked the door to his apartment. He handed Sho a very bizarre sash that read "It Is Today My Birthday!" in English, and Nino helped him to put it on. Once inside the apartment, Aiba set down the garbage bag and the gaudy red birthday binder he was carrying.
"Alright, Sho-chan, I'm going to blindfold you and put you in my room while we get set up. Just be patient, and we'll be in shortly."
Sho's heart started to beat faster when Satoshi-kun helped him get his blindfold on. Some bizarre birthday surprise was on its way, Sho suspected. But why did he have to be blindfolded? Why did he have to be sequestered in Aiba's room - especially because it smelled a bit like dirty socks, and Sho wasn't too fond of the stink.
He wondered if things would have been different if he'd rolled something besides a six.
--
It was a lot warmer in Aiba's room, and Sho thought he'd been sitting there on Aiba's bed for nearly an hour. With his sight gone, he thought his other senses would have perked up considerably. Instead he'd been subjected to muffled shouts and complaints from the other room, mostly from Matsujun. What was going on? He'd been so diligent about wearing the blindfold, too, but he was this close to ripping the thing off and demanding that Aiba get the show on the road already. It was Sho's birthday, and it felt more like he was waiting at the dentist's office for a root canal. The tension, not knowing what awaited him, it was going to give him a heart attack if they kept him waiting any longer.
Finally, the grumbling outside seemed to die down, and there was a sharp knock at the door. Sho dutifully left his blindfold on because Aiba hadn't told him otherwise yet. Finally something was happening!
"What is it? Who's there?" he asked the darkness.
The bedroom door opened and closed. "Leave it on," he heard Jun say as soon as Sho reached for the edges of the blindfold. If he hadn't been nervous as hell before, now that it was just him and Jun alone in here he was going to have a stroke.
"M-m-matsujun?" he asked weakly, fingering the stupid sash Aiba had made him wear. "What's going on anyhow? Is Aiba making a cake out there? What's taking so long?"
Sho was interrupted mid-complaint by Jun's hand grasping his chin. If Sho was blind and deaf, he'd still know it was Jun thanks to the obnoxious ring that had just scraped his skin. "I want it to be known, Sho-kun," Jun said, "that I protested this completely. But out of some misguided desire to see you happy on your birthday, I've done as Aiba wanted, much as it pains me."
Sho cocked his head, confused. "The hell are you talking about?"
The blindfold was wrenched off his face, mussing his hair, and he blinked to readjust to the light in the room and the person standing before him. When he'd gotten in the van earlier, Jun had been wearing his dark coat and jeans. Now he was inexplicably dressed in a way too short police woman's outfit, one of the vinyl-y latex-y monstrosities that Nino and Aiba had rented to celebrate Sho's birthday last year during the concert in Fukuoka. Sho had spent the entire year wondering why Jun hadn't joined the others in dressing in the miniskirt police outfit, opting instead for the bulky costume he'd worn that evening.
But at least now he'd get to enjoy it. He couldn't even imagine how Aiba had had to bribe Jun to do it - or what kind of blackmail material Aiba had on him.
Jun looked mostly uncomfortable and angry, even as he stood there with a nightstick and fuzzy handcuffs. "I never wanted to do it this way."
"Do what?" Sho asked nervously.
Jun looked down at his unfortunate white ankle socks, the only glaring error in his miniskirt police attractiveness. "I have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone. And I guess Aiba-chan picked up on that. He made sure this plan on his list gave me the opportunity to talk to you one-on-one."
"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, nearly tearing the birthday sash in his hand. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."
"I like you."
Sho stared at him, at the stupid police sunglasses that were blocking his eyes, at the jaunty police hat on his head.
"Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "Policewoman costumes included. Anyway, I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that you've seen me dressed like this against my will, I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"
Sho felt warm, nothing but warm as he got to his feet and nervously reached for Jun's hand. "I like you, too." Jun squeezed back, and it seemed like all of Sho's anxiety washed away.
At that, there was the sound of celebration out in the living room, the pair of them blushing as Satoshi-kun, Aiba, and Nino were obviousy cheering after listening at the door like a bunch of creeps. Despite that weirdness, Sho couldn't help walking to the door and turning the lock.
He looked back at Jun, holding out his wrists. He thought of possible Sakurai Sho's in other places, Sakurai Sho's who'd rolled one through five. Were all their dreams coming true (even the Jun in a policewoman costume dream he hadn't managed to suppress well enough to keep Aiba off the trail)?
As Jun closed the fuzzy cuffs on Sho's wrists, pronouncing him under arrest, Sho smiled.
"This really is the best birthday ever."
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
THREE
--
"Three, huh," Sho muttered as soon as the die settled.
Ohno watched Aiba yank the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number three. I like plan number three."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!"
Ohno leaned back and smiled. As the only person in the way back of the van, he already had some idea of what plan number three entailed. There was a large garbage bag in the rear of the vehicle behind him, a piece of paper labeled "PLAN 3 - DO NOT OPEN UNLESS YOU ARE AIBA" pinned to it. When they'd piled in the van earlier that evening, Ohno had seen an ugly blonde wig sticking out of it and he'd been pulling for plan three to be the winner out of sheer curiosity.
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going west across the city. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said agreeably, although he hoped somebody else would pay. He'd just bought five new fishing rods through Yahoo Auctions. Five because he couldn't really narrow it down. These things happened.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. While everyone else tried to pester Aiba into explaining what the mysterious plan was, nobody paid attention to Ohno. Which was fine. He usually didn't have too much to say, so he was used to them ignoring him. And this enabled him to yawn, stretch his arms over his head, letting one of them fall behind the seat to slightly tug the bag open.
The blonde wig wasn't alone. No, there was an array of ugly wigs in the bag, and beneath them, ugly looking sequins. Even in the relative darkness of the van Ohno could spot an ugly costume. After all, he was a member of Johnny's Jimusho and had spent the better part of his life wearing ugly costumes.
Aiba managed to keep his mouth shut all the way to Shinjuku, the van slowly lurching through the evening traffic. Even in the cold January night the streets were packed with salarymen off to drink, tourists and their cameras documenting every neon-lit building, and young people off to the clubs.
Matsujun's ire was quickly raised when they made it to a red light. "You could have sprung for a van with tinted windows," he said, turning up the collar of his coat. Of the five of them, his face was usually the most difficult to disguise.
"What are we doing in Kabukicho anyway? Are we picking up girls?" Nino asked.
Aiba shook his head.
"Are we picking up guys?" Nino murmured.
Aiba said nothing.
"Oh my god, we're picking up guys," Nino said, and Sho raised his hand like he was in a classroom.
"Uh, Aiba-chan, what exactly are we doing?"
But Aiba stayed quiet, driving through the narrow streets, and fortunately the sights of the neighborhood - the restaurants, the arcades, the nightclubs - were enough to keep the attention of everyone outside the van. It allowed Aiba to pull into an even smaller street, maneuvering the van into a parking garage below one of the buildings. He then ordered everyone to take off their coats and leave them in the van.
"Where are we?" Sho asked, looking almost as nervous as Matsujun, following right behind him. In TV Land Ohno was credited with being the world's most unobservant person. But in real life, he'd have to be blind and deaf to not see what was happening under his nose. Arashi had been around for so long, and maybe the opportunity had presented itself before but neither of them had taken it. But lately, just lately, Ohno thought that maybe a thing was about to happen between Sho-kun and Matsujun, and nothing would make him happier.
For one thing, it would get them off his back. It was like they funneled all their obvious lust for one another into paying attention to Ohno, and he'd been the recipient of one too many awkward hugs from Matsujun, one too many dances on TV with Sho-kun that ended with Sho on his knees with his face at Ohno's crotch. Ohno just didn't go that way, and he didn't want to hurt their feelings, not ever. Surely they'd eventually figure out they belonged with each other instead.
Aiba opened the back door of the van, taking out the garbage bag and hugging it to him like a giant pillow. A giant pillow full of wigs and women's clothing.
"My friend is very discrete," Aiba said. "He's going to help us out."
Though the others didn't seem to know what was going on, Ohno did. One night during a tour, sitting at some hotel bar way down in Fukuoka, Sho had confessed to Ohno how much he loved to crossdress. Any time they cosplayed in ladies' attire on television, Sho made a big stink about it - but secretly, nothing made him much happier than parading around in a dress and heels once in a while. At the time, Ohno had not known what to say beyond "that's nice, Sho-kun."
Now Ohno realized that he had let Sho's secret slip out to Aiba-chan one night during some other tour, sitting at some hotel bar way up in Sapporo. And Aiba hadn't forgotten it.
They dutifully followed Aiba into an elevator despite their best judgment because if anything, Arashi was not a group that rocked the boat. If it was for Sho's birthday, they'd behave. They would go along with it no matter what, even if they were screaming inside. Which Nino now clearly was, his eyes darting back and forth from Aiba's satisfied smirk to the wig hair sticking out of the bag.
Aiba's "discrete friend" turned out to be some high school friend of his who'd left Chiba for the bright lights of the Tokyo gay bar scene. When Aiba announced that they were all going to walk the streets of Kabukicho in drag in honor of Sho's birthday and as a means of building group unity, Matsujun looked ready to throw himself out the window.
"We'll get caught!" was Nino's complaint.
"I hate nylons!" was Jun's.
But Ohno could see the tiny spark in Sho's eyes, the hopeful spark there at Aiba's sensitivity to his true feelings, at Aiba's understanding of his heart. It was enough to make Ohno step up and open the garbage bag, pulling out a schoolgirl uniform and a blonde wig tied in pigtails.
"Happy birthday, Sho-kun." He tugged the wig on over his hair. "Let's do this."
--
"You're an ugly woman," Nino was telling Aiba as the five of them shivered their way down the street in the awkward stiletto heels Aiba's friend had lent them.
"You're an uglier woman," Aiba shot back, hiding behind Sho so he could adjust himself under his skirt.
"You're both ugly!" Jun said angrily, crossing his arms over the falsies Aiba's friend had also provided, his teeth chattering in the cold.
They sure made for quite the group, stumbling their way down the narrow streets as drunken men catcalled after them or simply stared. That nobody had discovered they were Arashi yet was a real testament to the makeup skills of Aiba's friend. Even now Ohno was regretting having rubbed his eyes, knowing he probably had a streak of mascara on his face.
For his part, Sho was quiet, and most likely because he was clearly the prettiest. Aiba had saved a blue wig for him that matched the blue sash with "It Is Today My Birthday!" written in English on it draped around him. Sho had not received a cheap schoolgirl uniform or policewoman costume from the garbage bag - instead he was elaborately done up in a Lolita-style dress from Aiba's friend's collection and carrying a matching parasol. At least four guys had propositioned him already, and Ohno had to hide a smile at the embarrassed joy on his friend's face.
"How much longer are we going to be out here?" Nino whined. "My legs are freezing."
Aiba rolled his eyes, twirling one of the braids of his brunette wig. "Until Sho-chan is satisfied."
"What do you mean satisfied?" Nino shot back. "Satisfied meaning happy or satisfied meaning someone takes him home and spanks him with that parasol?"
At that Ohno wanted to say something, but Jun beat him to the punch, thwacking Nino in the ass with the nightstick from his policewoman costume. "On your birthday we can all sit around in sweatpants while you play games and then take a nap," he said angrily. "But it's not your birthday."
"It is today my birthday," Sho said quietly, running his fingers over the English on his sash, his ruby red lipsticked mouth quirking upward at the corners.
Eventually Aiba announced that he had to pee, so Sho decided that they'd had enough fun. Although Ohno wouldn't exactly describe the feeling of his feet in four-inch heels as "fun." They walked past a few host clubs before turning down an alleyway, a shortcut back to the building where Aiba's friend lived.
Unfortunately, they bumped right into two actual policemen on the beat, Sho accidentally beaning one of them in the head with his parasol as he tried to cover his face.
"I'm sorry!" Sho said in embarrassment, and the five of them looked straight down.
"What's all this then?" the first cop asked. Ohno looked over, saw that the police were giving Nino and Jun angry stares. They were both in miniskirt police outfits, after all.
"Looks like they're impersonating officers of the law to me."
"We're going to a costume party," Nino said, and Ohno noticed that he'd changed his voice a bit, sounding not very much like Ninomiya Kazunari from Arashi.
"It's just a joke," Aiba chimed in, looking like he desperately needed to scratch himself and only the existence of the cops in front of him kept him from doing so.
The cops were apparently not in a joking mood. "We've had reports of five male prostitutes in the area trying to solicit."
"We're not prostitutes!" Jun said, eyes flashing angrily and impulsively reaching for his nightstick. Which was really the worst thing he could have done, especially since Sho had already hit one of them with his parasol.
In seconds the cops had them facing the wall, legs spread. Aiba was still complaining about needing to pee.
--
It was a lot warmer in the Shinjuku Police Department's holding cell, which sure beat shivering in the cold in stilettos. Although Ohno wished they'd allowed them to stop back at Aiba's friend's place to get their own clothes. Especially because he'd had 5000 yen and his Tsuri King fishing store loyalty card in the back pocket of his jeans. He was only two stamps away from a new lure!
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
Ohno had been very amused by the look on the two officers' faces once the five of them had been seen under the lights of the police station. There'd been tons of apologies and a laughed off explanation from Aiba that it was a prank being filmed by a secret camera for one of their variety shows. Lying to the police didn't sit too well with Ohno, but it sure was better than the alternative - trying to explain that one of Japan's top idols was really into crossdressing, and the rest of them were in women's clothing in solidarity with him.
Their managers would be arriving shortly, and Nino and Aiba-chan had both been given permission to leave the cell for a bathroom break. That left Ohno draped in a very unlady-like manner across three of the chairs inside the cell, not really caring if any of the officers out in the squad room walked by and saw him. He was tired, and his feet were screaming. How did girls get used to walking around in these things?
While Ohno faded in and out of consciousness, his vision blurry, he thought that Sho (sitting beside Matsujun in the back corner of the cell and away from prying eyes) looked a bit like a wedding cake topper. He also thought he briefly saw Jun run the cool metal of the fake police handcuffs from his costume up and down Sho's bare arm.
When Sho put up his parasol, blocking the two of them from view completely, Ohno turned his head away and smiled. Finally! And it had only taken the five of them getting arrested for lewd behavior for the two of them to finally make their feelings known.
He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
FOUR
--
Nino frowned when the die landed on four. Clearly nobody in this van gave a crap about all the doors that had just closed. Or, in fact, opened. Somewhere, five other universes were running parallel to their own. In one universe, Sho-chan had rolled a one. In another, two. In yet another, three. And on and on. Nino crossed his arms, thoroughly displeased at the unnecessary and unplanned deviation of his own time stream.
Even now there were five other Ninos in five other timelines doing who knows what. He slunk down in his seat in protest. If Nino's time stream required a necessary split, a road not taken, he wanted it to be on his own terms. And especially not Aiba's.
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number four. I like plan number four."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!" Aiba said cheerfully, clearly happy with himself for the chaos he'd indirectly created with this stupid plan.
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Nino could see that Sho was happy, clearly happier than he'd been all day. Because Nino, of course, had spies at NTV who had spent the whole day watching Sho be sad and miserable, thinking Arashi had forgotten about his special day. Which was completely absurd - every magazine interview they ever had in January came with a birthday cake for Sho. How could they possibly forget him? For someone smart like Sho, it often amazed Nino when he had spurts of idiocy.
But he was happy that Sho was happy, and he supposed if that meant that his time stream was potentially screwed over, it was just the way things had to go.
He pulled his 3DS out of his jacket pocket, shivering a bit. Aiba usually wasn't a cheapskate - would it kill him to turn the heat up in the van a little bit? Nino sprawled across Sho's lap, focusing on the bright colors of the screen as Sho obliged his need for comfort. Behind them, he could hear Ohno snoring, and in front of him he listened with amusement as J tried to keep Aiba from dropping hints about his undying love for Sho.
Nino was no fool. One of these days Jun was just going to have to say something about it. Or maybe Sho-chan would first. The pair of them could be so honest and blunt about some things, but it seemed that being honest and blunt with one another was not in the cards. And so Nino lay with his head in Sho's lap, waiting to see if Jun would do something about it.
Between Nino's gentle encouragement and Aiba's all-too-obvious "don't you have something important to tell Sho-chan?" teasing, tonight would hopefully be the night. Then all five of them could move on with their lives and not have to endure much more of the "will they, won't they" straight out of some bad drama series. He loved Sho and J, he truly did, and if he really loved them, he'd let them figure things out themselves.
But sometimes love means forcing your band members into a rented van with a musty smell in hopes of pushing one into confessing to another. Nino thought it would all take place at the nipple-tweaker club, but now he had no damn idea where they were going.
Soon enough Aiba pulled off the highway just north of the Yokohama downtown. Hmm, maybe they'd go to a Chinese restaurant, get a private room. He wouldn't put it past Aiba to sneak Sho a fortune cookie that said boning a close friend was in his immediate future. Instead they pulled up to a strip mall, Nino saving his game as Aiba pulled the van into a parking spot.
"Everybody out!" Aiba cheered. Jun grumbled something obnoxious in response.
"Won't they know who we are?" Ohno mumbled behind them.
Aiba dug around in a small bag at J's feet, wiggling a package of fake mustaches. "See, fool proof!"
Nino had known Aiba for the better part of his life, and he hadn't met anyone else in Johnny's who was that terrible at disguising himself. Sho fidgeted underneath Nino. "Why are we at a fireworks store?"
"Because we're going to set them off on the beach, duh. Now come on, everybody out!" Aiba said, flinging a mustache at each of them. J rolled his eyes, opting instead for a spare face mask he had stashed in his very warm-looking coat. Nino kind of wanted to swap coats with him, but he doubted he'd get his way.
Four of them mustached (and one of them masked), they exited the van and headed into the fireworks store. It was January 25th, almost January 26th, and it was clearly not fireworks weather. For one, it was not summer. And for two, Nino realized as he ran his ass off from the vehicle and into the shop, it was windy and cold and they weren't going to be able to light much of it too well.
And yet Sho was smiling under his mustache. A fireworks date with his four favorite people. Guy was over the moon, Nino saw, and decided to be a little less disagreeable. After all, fireworks weren't so bad compared to what the Nino in another universe might have been suffering through. Who knew what else was in that awful garish binder Aiba insisted on carrying with him?
Together they managed to pick out some decent fireworks, and to everyone's surprise, Leader actually paid for them. Nino was mostly surprised he even carried some cash on him.
So with hope and ambition and best wishes for Sho in their hearts, they departed the store together. The double doors at the front whooshed open, and joy turned into chaos. How had they not even seen them coming?
Twenty, no thirty...hell, maybe there were fifty of them out here, and no mustache, fake or otherwise, was enough to fool them. Female fans, screaming at the top of their lungs as soon as Sho came out wearing the bizarre "It Is Today My Birthday!" sash Aiba had stashed somewhere in the van earlier over his coat.
"Oh god, run!" Aiba screamed, immediately losing any cool he had. Jun gave Sho a push, nearly knocking him into the van as they struggled to get the door open. The crush of the girls around them made breathing hard really quickly. He thought he felt someone trying to yank his jeans off his ass, but it was just Leader desperate to cling to him as they fought against the onslaught.
"Arashi! Arashi!" they were screaming. "Arashi!" And it was like a homing beacon - Nino could hear more of them coming, ready to do unspeakable things to them. In five other universes, Nino was probably safe from this, he hoped. Even if this universe's Nino - Nino Prime, he liked to think - didn't make it, maybe it was okay that five of him would live on in parallel dimensions.
Somehow they got into the van, Nino nearly pulling the van door shut on some girl's hand after she screamed "I want your babies!" in his face. Aiba turned the key in the ignition and the four of them hit the deck as some of the overzealous fans knocked on the windows. Some were scrambling onto the hood, pounding on the windshield with their fists in crazed happiness.
"This is the worst birthday ever!" Sho proclaimed from the floor of the van, his stupid sash somehow wrapped around Leader's neck and choking him.
"Don't worry, I'll go to plan B!" Aiba said.
"What's plan B?" Jun howled. "I hope it involves us getting the hell out of here!"
Nino looked at Aiba, his hands shaking as he tried to shift gears. "Masaki!" Nino shouted, "you've got it in Drive!"
"I'm backing up!" he was too busy screaming at one of the insane fans clinging to the windshield. "Move!"
"Put it in reverse!" Nino screeched. "IN REVERSE!"
But then Aiba's foot slammed down on the accelerator.
Thump. "Arashi! Ara-" Tha-thump!
And then there was the horrific squeal of the van tires as they jumped the curb.
Sho pulled his sash off, getting to his knees to look out the window as the swarm started to back away, horror in their eyes.
Aiba covered his mouth, turning his head to stare at them.
"Ohhhhhh shiiiiii-"
--
It was a lot warmer in the Kanagawa Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, though Nino was still a little too shell-shocked to appreciate it. If Aiba had gone any faster, he'd be facing vehicular manslaughter charges right now. Fortunately, the injured girl would live to wave her Sakurai Sho uchiwa another day. The fans gathered around the van had cushioned her fall.
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
The four of them could still hear Aiba's high-pitched wails of apology in the interrogation room. Nino was pretty sure that Aiba was going to be set free on a self-defense argument if the lawyers from Johnny's management got their way. And the psycho fans would be easily placated by free tickets to Arashi's next concert. Although Nino didn't like the thought of any of those females watching him in the crowd, trying to climb the moving stage and pull his pants down. Why were they so interested in his pants?
Despite the traumatic experience, Leader was completely asleep, his body draped awkwardly across three chairs. Nino could hear J and Sho behind him, sequestered in the corner as if to distance themselves from the rest of the group and the crazy evening. He couldn't blame them. He got to his feet, shuffling up to the bars of the holding cell.
"Excuse me!" he called, waving at the female officer. "Is there any way I could get more marshmallows?"
As she opened the cell door and let him follow her to the station's kitchen and the promise of sugary goodness, Nino looked back over his shoulder just in time to see Sho's fingers wrap around Jun's hand. About damn time.
He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
FIVE
--
It was a lot warmer in the Nagano Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, at least compared to the thirty minutes they'd spent shivering in the cold, gasoline-less van on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Jun scowled at Aiba from across the cell. It was his fault after all, not realizing that taking a long road trip meant planning stops at a gas station from time to time. They were just lucky that police officer had pulled over, offering them a ride.
None of them could get a signal on their cell phones, so nobody from management would be able to come get them until morning, Jun suspected. The town they'd ended up in was so small and remote it didn't have an inn of any sort. And even if they were Arashi, it was rude to impose on strangers. The five of them would just have to spend the night here.
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
Another officer came in with some pillows and blankets for them, and as they started to arrange themselves on the cold, concrete floor of the cell (save for Leader who said he'd be fine sleeping across the chairs), Jun found himself growing a bit red in embarrassment. Because for some reason - he suspected Nino and Aiba's intervention - he and Sho would be spending the night side by side. And Jun knew how he slept. He tossed, he turned. If he rolled just the right way he'd probably end up in Sho's personal space. And how exactly could he explain that?
The police officers shut out the lights and headed out for the night, locking them in for privacy. The town was so small they apparently didn't feel the need for 'round the clock police service. Jun curled up awkwardly on the blankets, feeling the unforgiving floor under his hips. He draped his coat over himself for extra warmth, listening to the others slowly fall asleep.
He, of course, stayed wide awake, stuck with his paranoia. He'd known all along that this special birthday extravaganza for Sho was just Aiba's creepy way of trying to hook them up. Aiba seemed to be convinced that Sho would be at his very nicest and most receptive on his birthday with all attention on him. Jun wished he hadn't come along, wished he'd found an excuse to back out and meet with Sho-kun on his own terms.
They'd gone out to dinner plenty of times in the past few years, talking business and Arashi and the unknown future. Sure, he'd always liked Sho - Jun had a hard time compartmentalizing his feelings where Sho was concerned. He had just grown better at hiding them. But now here he was, lying on the floor of a police station, and Aiba and Nino were already curled up away from them like a pair of dumb, meddlesome puppies.
Jun tried to listen close for the sounds of Sho's snoring. It was hard to miss, after all. But no snoring, not a trace of it. Now or never, Matsumoto, he told himself.
"Sho-kun?" he whispered.
He heard the rustling of Sho's jacket beside him, so close he shut his eyes and tried to ignore how it excited him. "Matsujun?"
"Some birthday, huh?"
"No kidding," Sho replied, his whispers in the dark enough to make Jun's heart race. "Maybe we should have just gone to that club Nino was talking about."
"And miss out on this wonderful opportunity to bond as a group?"
"We have good people looking out for us," Sho reassured him with a quiet chuckle. "The press will never catch wind of this."
"Sho-san," Jun said quietly when he heard noisy, real snores coming from the Aiba-and-Nino direction.
"Hmm?"
"I have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone."
"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, almost too loudly. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."
Was that what he'd been thinking this whole time? That Jun didn't have feelings for him?
He decided to be straightforward.
"I like you. Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "And I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that we're sleeping on the floor of a police station I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"
Sho fumbled in the dark for Jun's hand, squeezing his fingers. Jun could hear Sho wince as he scraped his finger on one of Jun's rings.
"I like you, too," Sho admitted, and Jun had never felt so relieved in his entire life. "But this really was the worst birthday ever."
Jun laughed shyly, tightening his grip on Sho's hand. He wondered just how out of it Nino and Aiba actually were. Now that he'd confessed, now that Sho had gone ahead and confessed right back, the temptation to act on it...to finally do something was a bit overwhelming. "I wonder what would have happened if you'd rolled something else on that die."
Sho smiled. "Well, nothing could be as bad as this, right?"
It was then that the blast from the alien mothership zapped the roof off of the police station, and all five of them screamed. No wonder they couldn't get a word through to Tokyo, Jun thought in panic as he stared up into the bright lights.
"I take it back!" Sho screamed as soon as the alien tractor beam locked onto him, pulling him up and off the floor of the police station. "About nothing being as bad. Because this is really bad!"
"We have to help him!" Jun shouted, all four of them getting to their feet and trying to tug Sho back to the ground with them. Unfortunately this made them four easy targets. Additional tractor beams locked on, and Jun could no longer struggle, the blinding lights of the alien vessel and the bitter chill of the January air numbing him as he was pulled up into the ship.
Even now he could see other ships dotting the night sky, beaming other defenseless Japanese folks out of their homes. It was a complete and utter invasion, and Jun wouldn't have believed it possible even five minutes earlier. Except for the fact that he was currently being, obviously, abducted.
When all five of them were aboard and a green-skinned alien with black, cavernous eyes looked down at them with a quirk to his blood-red lips, Nino elbowed Aiba in the side.
"Told you we should have gone to the nipple-tweaking club."
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
SIX
--
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. If Sho didn't know any better, he thought Aiba's face was looking downright naughty. "Ah, plan number six. I like plan number six."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!"
Sho looked at the small die in his palm, smirking to himself. Six different realities, huh? Well, whatever. Six was just as good as any other number, right?
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going west across the city. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. But they weren't on the highway for long. In fact, the exit was kind of familiar. The first few turns were equally familiar.
"Aiba-chan," Sho said. "Are we going where I think we're going?"
Aiba snickered a little bit. "Maybe."
"Where?" Satoshi-kun asked from the back seat. "Where are we going?"
It wasn't the nipple-tweaking club. It wasn't some elaborate crazy Aiba road trip. Sho couldn't help but smile even as he was curious and a bit confused when Aiba pulled the van into the garage underneath an apartment building.
Nino sighed. "Why bother renting the van if we were just going to come here?"
"The only reason we're here," Aiba said, putting the van in park, "is because Sho-chan rolled a six. It's just fate that landed us here."
"More like math," Jun said from the front seat. "Probability."
"Yeah yeah, whatever," Aiba said. "Everybody out!"
Aiba grabbed a garbage bag from the rear of the van, and the four of them followed him to an elevator. "Welcome to my place!" Aiba said as soon as they got upstairs, and he unlocked the door to his apartment. He handed Sho a very bizarre sash that read "It Is Today My Birthday!" in English, and Nino helped him to put it on. Once inside the apartment, Aiba set down the garbage bag and the gaudy red birthday binder he was carrying.
"Alright, Sho-chan, I'm going to blindfold you and put you in my room while we get set up. Just be patient, and we'll be in shortly."
Sho's heart started to beat faster when Satoshi-kun helped him get his blindfold on. Some bizarre birthday surprise was on its way, Sho suspected. But why did he have to be blindfolded? Why did he have to be sequestered in Aiba's room - especially because it smelled a bit like dirty socks, and Sho wasn't too fond of the stink.
He wondered if things would have been different if he'd rolled something besides a six.
--
It was a lot warmer in Aiba's room, and Sho thought he'd been sitting there on Aiba's bed for nearly an hour. With his sight gone, he thought his other senses would have perked up considerably. Instead he'd been subjected to muffled shouts and complaints from the other room, mostly from Matsujun. What was going on? He'd been so diligent about wearing the blindfold, too, but he was this close to ripping the thing off and demanding that Aiba get the show on the road already. It was Sho's birthday, and it felt more like he was waiting at the dentist's office for a root canal. The tension, not knowing what awaited him, it was going to give him a heart attack if they kept him waiting any longer.
Finally, the grumbling outside seemed to die down, and there was a sharp knock at the door. Sho dutifully left his blindfold on because Aiba hadn't told him otherwise yet. Finally something was happening!
"What is it? Who's there?" he asked the darkness.
The bedroom door opened and closed. "Leave it on," he heard Jun say as soon as Sho reached for the edges of the blindfold. If he hadn't been nervous as hell before, now that it was just him and Jun alone in here he was going to have a stroke.
"M-m-matsujun?" he asked weakly, fingering the stupid sash Aiba had made him wear. "What's going on anyhow? Is Aiba making a cake out there? What's taking so long?"
Sho was interrupted mid-complaint by Jun's hand grasping his chin. If Sho was blind and deaf, he'd still know it was Jun thanks to the obnoxious ring that had just scraped his skin. "I want it to be known, Sho-kun," Jun said, "that I protested this completely. But out of some misguided desire to see you happy on your birthday, I've done as Aiba wanted, much as it pains me."
Sho cocked his head, confused. "The hell are you talking about?"
The blindfold was wrenched off his face, mussing his hair, and he blinked to readjust to the light in the room and the person standing before him. When he'd gotten in the van earlier, Jun had been wearing his dark coat and jeans. Now he was inexplicably dressed in a way too short police woman's outfit, one of the vinyl-y latex-y monstrosities that Nino and Aiba had rented to celebrate Sho's birthday last year during the concert in Fukuoka. Sho had spent the entire year wondering why Jun hadn't joined the others in dressing in the miniskirt police outfit, opting instead for the bulky costume he'd worn that evening.
But at least now he'd get to enjoy it. He couldn't even imagine how Aiba had had to bribe Jun to do it - or what kind of blackmail material Aiba had on him.
Jun looked mostly uncomfortable and angry, even as he stood there with a nightstick and fuzzy handcuffs. "I never wanted to do it this way."
"Do what?" Sho asked nervously.
Jun looked down at his unfortunate white ankle socks, the only glaring error in his miniskirt police attractiveness. "I have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone. And I guess Aiba-chan picked up on that. He made sure this plan on his list gave me the opportunity to talk to you one-on-one."
"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, nearly tearing the birthday sash in his hand. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."
"I like you."
Sho stared at him, at the stupid police sunglasses that were blocking his eyes, at the jaunty police hat on his head.
"Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "Policewoman costumes included. Anyway, I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that you've seen me dressed like this against my will, I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"
Sho felt warm, nothing but warm as he got to his feet and nervously reached for Jun's hand. "I like you, too." Jun squeezed back, and it seemed like all of Sho's anxiety washed away.
At that, there was the sound of celebration out in the living room, the pair of them blushing as Satoshi-kun, Aiba, and Nino were obviousy cheering after listening at the door like a bunch of creeps. Despite that weirdness, Sho couldn't help walking to the door and turning the lock.
He looked back at Jun, holding out his wrists. He thought of possible Sakurai Sho's in other places, Sakurai Sho's who'd rolled one through five. Were all their dreams coming true (even the Jun in a policewoman costume dream he hadn't managed to suppress well enough to keep Aiba off the trail)?
As Jun closed the fuzzy cuffs on Sho's wrists, pronouncing him under arrest, Sho smiled.
"This really is the best birthday ever."