Be Authentically You, 1/2
Title: Be Authentically You
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Matsumoto Jun/Aiba Masaki (and a “secret” pairing LOL)
Summary: The phenomenon that’s gone worldwide! The video everyone’s talking about! A bright fantasy world that at the end of the day just wants us to part with our money. That video is of course “Be Authentically You,” the four minute viral sensation from Disco Star Pachinko, the chain founded in Narashino, Chiba.
Notes/Warnings: Happy birthday, Jun! AU where Aiba is a viral video star (a “Disco Star”, you could say) and Jun is his devoted fanboy.
non-no October issue
Rising Star: Aiba Masaki
By Sawajiri Erika
Photographs by Kato Shigeaki; styled by Kamenashi Kazuya
The phenomenon that’s gone worldwide! The video everyone’s talking about! A bright fantasy world that at the end of the day just wants us to part with our money. That video is of course “Be Authentically You,” the four minute viral sensation from Disco Star Pachinko, the chain founded in Narashino, Chiba.
Eight months ago, 30-second spots started airing during late night programming in the Kanto region, but it was the full video posted to the pachinko chain’s official YouTube page that got Japan and eventually the world talking. A man in colorful clothing dancing to a strangely catchy tune, his too-tight purple bellbottoms aimed at bringing in Disco Star Pachinko’s gambling targets: middle-aged housewives. With his nutty dance moves and friendly smile, Aiba Masaki (32) has captured attention and gained fans from Tokyo to Timbuktu. He speaks with non-no about the video that’s turned him into a global superstar and his humbler beginnings.
A: Superstar seems a bit exaggerated though. It’s just a commercial…
non-no: Could anyone really describe a video with 722 million YouTube views as “just a commercial” in this day and age?
A: (laughs) We have more than Carly Rae-san now. (editor’s note: Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’)
non-no: Are you aiming for Psy?
A: Gangnam Style? (laughs) That was a real song!
-
“Ah, shit! Shit shit shit!” he hissed under his breath when he accidentally hit ‘maximize’ with his mouse instead of minimize. He hurriedly tried to hide it, but it was already too late.
“Don’t bother! I saw it, you weirdo,” Ninomiya Kazunari chuckled, perching his skinny ass on the edge of Jun’s desk as he frantically clicked.
Jun glared at him, his screen now returned to the perpetual tedium of Microsoft Excel. “Don’t you have work to do?”
“Don’t you?”
Jun turned his attentions back to his screen, ignoring Nino’s smug face by re-checking some totals he’d entered. “We’re entitled to a fifteen minute break.”
“And I’m using mine to get up and move around,” Nino said.
“Don’t…” Jun shut his eyes. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“Oh J, everybody already knows,” Nino insisted. “J” being the nickname Nino had given him a year back. “J” being what Nino called him even though Jun was technically his senior on the QA team.
He cracked open one of his eyes, seeing Nino’s self-satisfied grin. “Really?”
“Matsumoto Jun in QA on the 27th floor, Disco Star-sama’s number one fan!”
He grabbed his stapler from the left side of his desk and thwapped Nino in the thigh with it. Not hard enough to bruise, but enough to mean business. “Would you keep your fucking voice down?”
Around them the 27th floor was full of their co-workers, typing and clicking away. It was mid-afternoon, and half the teams on their section of the floor were working on monthly status reports for the head of Supply Chain Management. To keep himself focused today, Jun had been taking short breaks. It was better for his brain if he spent a few minutes away from his spreadsheets every hour, a few minutes away from the pinging of his email. How he chose to fill that time was really none of Nino’s business.
“Whenever I come over here, you’re watching it.”
“That’s really not true,” Jun snitted, tightening his grip on the stapler. Nino sat two cubicle rows over. If he was any closer, Jun would never get any work done. Nino had earned plenty of complaints from his neighbors for listening to video game music so loud it could be heard through his earbuds.
“That video has more than 700 million views. How many of them come from you?”
“It’s not like that.”
Actually, it was like that.
Inoo in the CRM department, a notorious slack-off, had been the one to find it months back. It was a commercial for some pachinko chain Jun had never heard of, and there’d been a much longer version on YouTube. Inoo had sent it around to half the company, minus the supervisors who’d report his ass for spamming everyone. Just as it was taking off around Japan and eventually the world, Jun watched it on his phone during his lunch break. And his life had never been the same.
It really was just a silly video, some guy in a ridiculous outfit doing an even more ridiculous dance, but it had come at the right time for Jun. He’d still been recovering from a nasty breakup and like always, there was hardly anyone he could really tell about it - because the person he’d been with was a man. He couldn’t bitch in the break room about the guy who’d cheated on him and broken his heart. The company was too status quo for that. He’d found a strange kind of solace in “Be Authentically You,” the music video from Disco Star Pachinko.
He’d never been able to be his authentic self. He was gay in a country that mostly treated people like him as a joke, so he instead buried himself in work and never talked about his personal life. Inoo had sent the video, and Jun had used it as an escape at first. A really good-looking guy wiggling his hips for three minutes and fifty-four satisfying seconds. It was a fantasy that got him through the day, imagining himself in the embrace of the strange guy in bellbottom pants (who really was just there to get you to gamble at a pachinko parlor).
Disco Star wouldn’t let him down. Disco Star didn’t care that Jun worked in a boring, thankless office job. Disco Star was loud and proud and brighter than a float at a Pride parade. Jun’s fantasy had slowly become an obsession.
He watched the video at home, beaming the contents of his phone to his large TV screen. He purchased the single. And as the Disco Star boom struck the world, the dancing guy was everywhere, that cheerful smile in every newspaper, magazine, TV show. He even did the dance on American television. Many people were surprised it had lasted this long, but Jun wasn’t. There was something special about Aiba Masaki, the guy from the video. With his good looks and easygoing manner, the guy was made for stardom.
Nino had caught Jun watching the video at work before, and despite Nino’s reputation as one of the department’s leading gossip mongers, nobody had made the connection. Maybe they thought Jun just liked the song, not that he had a crazy, bordering on unhealthy crush on the video’s star.
“You can keep watching,” Nino said with a dismissive hand wave. “Don’t let me interrupt.”
“I can wait.”
“Are you going to watch his new show? Doesn’t he have something coming up this fall?”
“Talk show I think?” Jun answered, trying to sound indifferent. In fact, Jun had been reading every interview he could get his hands on. He had even swung by NTV’s headquarters in Shiodome to swipe one of the promotional posters. It now had a treasured place among the magazines he’d purchased over the past few months. His Disco Star “shrine” was still pretty small, on account of how creepy he knew it made him look. And of course, he’d eaten at the Chinese restaurant in Chiba owned by Aiba-san’s parents, where he’d worked until becoming famous.
Nino patted him on the shoulder. “Look, J, let me do something nice for you.”
Jun raised an eyebrow in suspicion. Nino tended to say things like that and follow them up with “take me out to dinner and enjoy an evening in my company.” He’d fallen for it twice now, knowing it was how cheapskate Ninomiya managed to eat half of the week. “I don’t want to owe you any favors.”
Nino smiled. “I’m serious this time.” He leaned forward, his breath smelling a little too heavily like espresso from the fancy coffee machine their boss kept in her office. The sly little freeloading weasel. “What if I knew a way for you to meet Disco Star-sama?”
Jun’s heart started pounding, but he hoped he was keeping a neutral expression. Jun had always been told his face could be “too much” since he had prominent brows, big eyes, and a bit of an overbite. Controlling his face was difficult indeed. “I don’t need to meet the guy,” he lied.
He’d gone to a handshake event, quietly, a few months ago at some outlet mall. Between the swarms of housewives and flamboyant, out and proud gay men in attendance, Jun hadn’t felt comfortable queueing with either group. He’d missed his chance, drowning his sorrows with some retail therapy at BEAMS, snatching up five hats, four pairs of jeans, and eight shirts before his logical side, the credit card bill paying side, made him stop.
“Trust me,” Nino said in a voice that wasn’t very trustworthy at all. “Trust me, I’m going to make this happen for you.”
-
“Be Authentically You” was released on iTunes within a month of the video going viral in Europe and the United States. With sales of the song topping 10 million paid downloads and counting, you’d be hard pressed to call it anything but a real song. The brainchild of Disco Star Pachinko’s young CEO Kazama Shunsuke, “Be Authentically You” started out mostly as a joke. Kazama enlisted the help of his high school friend, a non-celebrity, to get the ball rolling.
A: Kazama calls me up and he tells me that he’s got some expansion strategy. They’re taking the chain out of Chiba and making a push for Tokyo. He says as part of the promotion they’re doing something called branded entertainment, like more than a commercial, but an online video. A music video for advertising purposes. I didn’t know much about that. I thought it was going to be like a radio jingle at first!
non-no: A radio jingle!
A: He was in the band at school, and I was just in basketball club so you’d think he’d call up someone with talent. But anyhow, he asked me to do it. So he comes to me with the song and we worked together on the choreography. Neither of us can dance, that’s why it’s so bizarre. Believe me, there was no professional choreographer in the studio. But his wife is actually the one who came up with the bellbottoms.
non-no: And the rest was history?
A: I guess so! I mean, we filmed it over a weekend at this studio space in Shibuya. I danced my tail off and then reported to work the next morning sore all over!
-
A few evenings later, Jun found himself having an early dinner with Ninomiya and his surprisingly famous friend. Though Nino was just another cog in Japan’s salaryman machine, he’d had the same childhood piano teacher as Sakurai Sho, now a popular newscaster at NTV. The three of them were crammed onto stools at the rear of some hole in the wall soba joint a few blocks south of NTV Tower, since Sakurai-san had to get back in time for the evening news broadcast.
Though he came across as a polished, attractive professional on the air, Sakurai Sho was slurping noodles until his cheeks were full, talking around his food. Jun was reminded of a hamster in that moment, although he had to admit that the food was really good and he could understand Sakurai’s enthusiasm.
“Sho-chan, when’s the interview again?” Nino prodded his friend with the usual inappropriate Nino-timing, Sakurai in the middle of slurping another batch of noodles into his mouth.
Sakurai dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. “Well, it’s going to be pre-recorded on Friday evening because that’s how it worked out for Aiba-san’s schedule. It’ll air on Monday’s broadcast.”
Sakurai Sho was interviewing Aiba Masaki as yet another promotion for Web Wonders! The Online Stars Who Will Change the World, the new NTV program he was appearing on. Rumor had it that the “Leave Britney Spears alone!” guy was going to be a special guest in the first episode, but Sakurai couldn’t confirm or deny anything. He worked for the network, certainly, but he didn’t have those kinds of details about programs.
“Don’t you have some good news for J?” Nino continued his prodding.
Sakurai’s face was a little uneasy when he turned to Jun. “Nino said you really wanted to meet him?”
Jun paled, and he quickly waved his hand in denial. “No! No, what did he tell you?”
Sakurai grinned. “He said you’re the biggest Disco Star fan in the world.”
Jun looked past Sakurai to scowl at Nino, who was cowering in the corner as though Jun had another stapler on him and was going to cave his head in with it. “You…” He turned back to Sakurai, remembering that this guy was Kind of a Big Deal in the entertainment world himself. “I’m sorry, Sakurai-san. As usual, Ninomiya-san has exaggerated.”
“He does do that sometimes,” Sakurai agreed, chuckling. He ruffled Nino’s hair as though he was a ten year old, not a grown man who was probably going to exclaim any moment in an unconvincing voice that he’d “forgotten” his wallet at home that day and could Sakurai please pick up his portion of the dinner bill.
Nino offered Jun a wink before patting Sakurai on the arm. “But really, he does love that guy.”
Jun slurped down some noodles in a panic. “I’m just a fan, alright?” he complained, chewing and feeling no more graceful than Sakurai. “I don’t know why he’s convinced you of something beyond that…”
“Well, technically, I’m not authorized to let strangers onto a closed interview set. I’d have to run it past Aiba-san’s people first. I mean, you’d just watch me interview him and maybe get a ‘hi’ and a handshake,” Sakurai said, his voice seemingly free of judgment.
He was growing warm and uncomfortable at the thought of being so close to Aiba Masaki. He’d look so creepy, some guy standing in the back watching the interview. Everyone else - directors, camera operators, staff - belonged there, but what the hell would he do?
“I don’t want to cause you any inconvenience, Sakurai-san.”
“It wouldn’t be a big deal,” the man assured him, having a sip of water. “Nino’s met about six or seven pro baseball players by exploiting our friendship before. At least you have the decency to be apologetic about it.”
Nino just beamed from ear to ear. How did he manage to manipulate people so skillfully?
“Well then,” Jun said, exhaling and feeling like he might explode. “If it’s not too much trouble, it would be great if I could at least say hello. To wish him well with his new program. As a fan. Just as a fan, you know? I’m not going to be all ‘give me your autograph,’ I’ll be totally respectful…”
“He knows what you mean, J,” Nino teased, dumping his leftover noodles onto Sakurai’s plate. “And it’s not like you’re meeting the Dalai Lama. It’s a guy from a YouTube video.”
Sakurai’s smile was gentler than Jun anticipated in that moment. “I’ll let you know as soon as I can, alright? You’ll just have to go to the front desk at NTV. I’ll have them prepare a visitor badge for you. It’ll be fine. Stress free.”
He and Sakurai exchanged email addresses. That in itself ought to be amazing, Jun’s brain reminded him. He was now email friends with a guy from the news. But he couldn’t even think about it. Because in mere days - DAYS!!! - he was going to meet Aiba Masaki, the man who’d rescued him from the darkest depths of post-breakup depression.
What the hell was he going to wear?!
-
A dance that would prove a challenge for even a seasoned performer, the “Be Authentically You” dance sees Aiba-san making bedroom eyes at the camera, flashing his abdomen, thrusting his hips repeatedly, and running frantically through a green-screened Middle Eastern marketplace with his hands behind his head and elbows out.
A: Even Jimmy Fallon has asked about this. (editor’s note: Jimmy Fallon, host of The Tonight Show in the United States) Kazama knew a guy who could do the green screen on the cheap. I mean, I was there in that studio running on a treadmill. In purple bellbottoms and that pink fringe shirt, right? I hadn’t the slightest idea what I was supposed to be doing.
Though the song lyrics, dancing, costuming, and backdrop have little cohesiveness, most viewers have remarked that those disconnects and the astonishing budget are what make the video so charming. “There’s nothing that disco about it, huh!” Kazama Shunsuke has said repeatedly, but the views and downloads keep pouring in. It’s completely turned life upside down for Kazama. Disco Star Pachinko has opened twenty new locations in the last six months. And then life has gotten even crazier for his high school chum, who, prior to appearing in the music video, worked as a chef in his parents’ Chiba City restaurant.
A: All of a sudden I’ve got reporters showing up at the restaurant. I’ve got other reporters calling my cell phone. How do they even get your number? I thought it would just be some one and done thing, a favor for my friend to help his business. By the end of the first month I had an agent. I had like, a media trainer.
-
He’d worked a half-day, fleeing the office sometime after 2:00 to hurry home. Sakurai Sho, who ought to have been super busy with his job, had bent over backwards to get things arranged for Jun the past few days. Aiba-san’s people had agreed to Sakurai having a guest attend the interview. Apparently Sakurai was respected enough in the industry that they assumed a guest he personally vouched for wouldn’t be a crackpot.
So it was a good thing that Sakurai Sho had no idea Jun had spent the equivalent of a month’s rent to obtain a bootleg copy of Disco Bake Shop, the gay porn video that starred an Aiba Masaki lookalike and a lookalike of the weird artist guy from the Mr. Bake commercials. He’d bought it online at 3:00 AM several weekends ago, freaking out about a pending performance review at work and trying to ease his anxiety by losing himself in filthy, filthy pornography. He’d received both high praise and a raise at his review, but kept the video anyhow. Despite the haircut, the lookalike really couldn’t compare to the original, but usually by the time Jun had his dick out, it didn’t much matter anymore. He’d masturbated to the idea of Disco Star sex for weeks now, and it really did help to clear his head.
Which was why he’d closed all the blinds in his apartment in the middle of the afternoon to watch his favorite scenes from Disco Bake Shop once more. If he got off now, he figured he’d be calmer, less hyped up when he actually met Aiba-san later that evening at NTV. He had his outfit laid out on his bed, based on Sakurai’s suggestion that he dress casually - a blazer, a violet tee, and his nicest jeans. The violet, he told himself, was an homage to the Disco Star’s infamous purple bellbottoms. It was probably a touch creepy, but he doubted it would be noticed in his five second handshake before Aiba departed.
Satisfied with his sartorial choices, he stretched out naked on his sofa and got down to it. The video wasn’t the sexiest thing in his collection. The Disco Star lookalike spent half the video thrusting his hips and going “Oh yeah, oh yeah!” which wasn’t something Aiba-san said in the original. And the dialogue was super pathetic, mostly variations on Disco Star telling Mr. Bake to get ready for something “thick and meaty” to enter his “oven.” He fast-forwarded, rolling his eyes as he watched the Mr. Bake lookalike guy’s eyes bulge as he took it up the ass yet again on the strange green-screened Arabian palace set.
Finally, in a bit of genius camera work, things shifted to a “Mr. Bake’s POV” shot, where the camera merely looked up to the towering Disco Star lookalike. Erection in hand, the guy spent a few minutes jacking off with his head mostly tilted back. It was probably the least absurd thing about the video and the part that Jun liked best, since you couldn’t see the guy’s face any longer, just his throat, the knock-off costume, and his throbbing, glistening cock. Jun put it on mute to avoid all of the stupid “here comes another load, Mr. Bake!” dialogue and managed to come in only a few minutes.
Coming back down from that high, he smiled in satisfaction. Cleaning up and turning off his DVD player, he showered and dressed, feeling loosened up and like he could even attend dinner at Buckingham Palace without a care. Even Nino’s annoying text messages, all variations on “Don’t shit your pants in front of Disco Star!”, didn’t bother him now. He strolled into NTV an hour before the interview start time, and true to his word, Sakurai Sho had arranged for a guest badge for him. He was escorted up to a small studio, where Sakurai was already waiting and shook his hand.
“Nervous?” Sakurai asked, offering another of his friendly smiles.
“I think I’ll be okay,” he said as Sakurai led him to a decent spread on a craft services table. Jun was able to munch on some free food while Sakurai prepared his questions. He put his back to the studio, listening calmly as staff arranged the lighting and Sakurai made small talk with producers. Jun was reaching for another of the mini-quiches when his hand almost collided with someone else’s. Looking over to apologize, he discovered that he was now standing next to Aiba Masaki, who had apparently entered the studio without fanfare.
He was in a gray suit with an adorably nerdy green bow tie, his dyed brown hair already styled and his face caked a bit in makeup for the cameras.
“Oh, did you want that one?” Aiba asked, that slightly scratchy voice Jun would know anywhere emerging from his perfect mouth.
“I…you can…you can have it…”
Aiba-san smiled at him, and all of Jun’s careful, deliberate preparations went out the window. Because he’d prepared for Aiba to enter, be seated, be interviewed, and then just say “What’s up!” to him as he left. Jun hadn’t anticipated a fight over a mini-quiche at the craft services table.
“No, it’s yours,” Aiba said agreeably, reaching instead for one of the brownies at the other end of the table.
“Aiba-san, Aiba-san, please, not when you’re in wardrobe!”
Aiba turned, fingers hovering in the air over the desserts. Jun watched a soft little frown cross his face. Aiba was Jun’s height and while he was slimmer than Jun was, he wasn’t as thin as he looked in the video. He looked so much better in person, cakey makeup be damned. God, he was standing two feet away! The guy he’d just masturbated to that afternoon. Sort of. Oh, this was bad. This was very bad. This was catastrophic. This was…
“Here, do me a favor, would you?” Aiba asked, grabbing Jun by the arm and tugging him close. “If you hold the napkin here while I eat, I won’t get crumbs on the suit.”
“Oi, don’t use the staff as your servants,” came the voice from earlier. It was a petite woman who looked about ready to throttle Aiba. She had on a visitor badge similar to Jun’s.
“Sorry, Staff-san,” Aiba said meekly while the woman rolled her eyes.
The situation was quickly defused when Sakurai Sho approached with his hand out. “Aiba-san, they didn’t tell us you were already here. Sorry about that.”
Aiba dragged his attention away from the brownies (and took his hand off of Jun’s arm) to shake Sakurai’s hand. “I didn’t know there was going to be dessert. Sakurai-san, nice to meet you. I’m Aiba Masaki.”
“Kanjiya Shihori, Aiba-san’s manager,” the woman said next, smoothing a hand over Aiba’s bow tie. “We were just apologizing to the member of your staff here.”
Jun looked to Sakurai in a panic, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans so nobody could see them shaking. Sakurai offered another polite newscaster smile. “Ah, if I could make the introductions. This is Matsumoto Jun-san, and he’s not actually part of our NTV staff. He’s the person I called about, Kanjiya-san. My friend.”
Wow, Sakurai was smooth. His friend, huh?
“He’s looking forward to your new program, Aiba-san, so he was eager to meet you.”
Oh thank God, Jun thought, happy that Sakurai hadn’t introduced him as a “fan.” A word that would send any sane celebrity fleeing. Aiba looked instantly apologetic, patting Jun on the shoulder. If the guy kept touching him, Jun was going to faint.
“I’m sorry again, about the quiche. And trying to make you hold my napkin. I’m not…I’m not a beast or anything. Oh man, you’re not going to put that online, are you? That I wanted you to hold my napkin?”
Kanjiya-san sighed heavily. “Would you leave the poor man alone? He came all the way here to see you!”
Jun felt the color draining from his face, and he shook his head. “Oh no no, it’s not…it’s not anything that…I mean…”
Sakurai finally intervened. “Why don’t we all chat a little more after the interview? We still need to do a lighting check for Aiba-san, and I’m sure you’d like to get moving, yes?”
“Great, great!” Aiba said. He turned to Jun with another look that threatened to put him over the edge. “After, then!”
Jun was left alone once again as Aiba and his manager followed Sakurai to the set. Soon enough, Aiba was seated in a chair across from Sakurai, running through the questions. Jun ate at least eight of the brownies on the table, just to give his hands and mouth something to do as filming began and Aiba Masaki turned on the charm.
Their first meeting had lasted far longer than the five seconds Sakurai had promised. Aiba didn’t have the aura that screamed “star,” because if he had, then surely Jun would have noticed him approaching the table before the disastrous quiche incident, as he’d probably refer to it for the next twenty years, regretting the way he’d behaved, stuttering and looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
Aiba Masaki was just as genuine in his interview with Sakurai as he had been in every other interview Jun had read or watched. Kind, a bit prone to stumbling over his words, and quick to downplay the impact he’d had on the world. Everything came back to his friend, the guy who owned the pachinko chain. Everything came back to being happy that his friend’s business was prospering.
When the director called for a cut, Aiba nearly exploded out of his seat, red in the face. He took Sakurai by the hand and started pumping it up and down. “Thank you. Oh my God, Sakurai-san, thank you!”
“For what?” Sakurai asked, chuckling.
“You didn’t ask the Mrs. question.”
“The Mrs. question?”
While staff started bustling about, making noise that made it harder for Jun to hear, he still got the gist of the talk. In every interview, without fail, Aiba Masaki had been asked if there was a “Mrs.” Disco Star, and every time he had said no, looking embarrassed. The media seemed to interpret this as shyness, wanting to protect his relationship. After all, his parents’ business had skyrocketed with his success, but now they were a media and fan target. There were stories of people going to the restaurant in hopes of seeing him and then not paying for their meals when he obviously didn’t appear. With Aiba’s sudden superstardom, it was obvious that any girlfriend he had would be the target of Internet fans. Jun figured that his ownership of a bootleg porn DVD wasn’t that harmful, comparatively, in the long run.
“We’ve got a radio interview across town in two hours,” Kanjiya was telling Aiba, not looking up from her phone. “We should probably get a move on.”
Jun, still back in the corner and trying to conceal the now empty brownie plate behind him, gulped when Aiba broke away from his manager and Sakurai and came jogging over. “Hey, I’m sorry. What was your name again?”
“Matsumoto,” Jun stuttered out. “Matsumoto Jun.”
Aiba held out his hand. “It was really great to meet you, Matsumoto-san.”
Jun panicked again, knowing he probably had chocolate all over his right hand. But then if he offered Aiba his left hand it would be really awkward. And if he moved at all then Aiba would discover that Jun had eaten all the fucking brownies and…
“How about a picture?” came the voice of Sakurai Sho.
Aiba smoothly moved away from Jun’s handshake rejection, lifting his outstretched hand into the air and shaking his fist in excitement. “Sure! Sure, how about it?”
“O-okay…if it’s not going to make you late…late for your interview and…”
Aiba wiggled his fingers at his manager. “Hey, take the picture, would ya?”
Then Aiba was in his space, his body hot like a space heater as he stood next to Jun at the craft service table, wrapping an arm around his waist, his hand somehow coming to rest under his blazer, just where Jun’s t-shirt overlapped with his belt. Jun couldn’t move, only managing to smile when he caught Sakurai Sho’s eye, saw the newscaster pointing at his mouth as a hint that Jun should look happy about this. Aiba, oblivious, held out a peace sign and before Jun could memorize the feeling of Aiba Masaki’s hand on his body, it was over with the flash of Manager Kanjiya’s phone.
“I can send this to Sakurai-san,” Kanjiya said, “and he can send it to you. Be wise about where you share it.”
“I…I wouldn’t do anything to cause Aiba-san trouble.”
“See?” Aiba said, already tugging on his bow tie and slithering out of his suit jacket. “See, Jun is a good guy!”
Jun, reaching for the table just to have something to hold on to, managed to hit the edge of the empty brownie plate with the palm of his hand. It made a loud THUNK against the table, but thankfully didn’t fall off and shatter. But in turning to find his hand coated in brownie crumbs, Jun missed Aiba Masaki waving goodbye to him as he hurried off to wardrobe.
Sakurai Sho was beside him then, laughing quietly. “Are you okay? Still starstruck?”
“He called me Jun,” he mumbled.
“He certainly did.”
They were both silent for a few moments as Sakurai’s crew packed up around them. Jun finally took a deep breath, knowing he was still in some sort of shock.
“Sakurai-san, I ate all the brownies.”
Sakurai, who up until then had been a consummate professional, doubled over in laughter.
-
non-no: Did you have any other experience in the entertainment world before this?
A: (laughs) You mean the catalog, right?
By the time “Be Authentically You” went viral, Internet fans (and anti-fans) had their attentions on Aiba Masaki, the Chiba chef. They wanted to know more about him. Fortunately for Aiba-san and for Disco Star Pachinko, what was unearthed wasn’t scandalous but tame. In his early 20’s, Aiba-san modeled for a Chiba City department store’s winter catalog. Photos of the “Disco Star Guy” flooded the web, not in his signature purple bellbottoms, but in plush sweaters and down jackets from 2004.
A: They dug those up. That was another favor I’d done. Not for Kazama, but for one of my seniors. His parents owned the store. I wasn’t the only one they called up.
non-no: But you’re the only one of those catalog models who’s hit it big. Haven’t their sales have gone up now?
A: I think they do very good business without me…
Fame has yet to go to Aiba Masaki’s head. Interviews with his friends have revealed a rather shy, humble person who never sought out celebrity. But the type of person who’d also go the distance for a friend, whether it’s modeling clothes for a local business or dancing in a crazy get-up for a pachinko parlor. Much of Aiba Masaki’s charm lies in his refreshing personality, his lack of pretentiousness. Though it can be assumed that like Psy and Gangnam Style, Aiba-san’s fans outside of Japan mostly treat him as a humorous character, perhaps even a jokey caricature, his home country accepts both facets of Aiba Masaki: the viral sensation and TV personality as well as the gentle, soothing presence behind the song and dance man.
A: They approached me (editor’s note: TV networks) with the cooking show concept first. My agent said turn it down. It had already become impossible for me to keep working at my actual job. I was a complete inconvenience in the kitchen, a problem for my parents. But we said no to the cooking show because honestly, I’m just a line cook. We have our set menu at the restaurant and I can cook all those things, but who would watch a TV program about that?
non-no: Some celebrity chefs have seen a great deal of success.
A: I know. But that’s not my thing. I’d probably burn myself on camera or put in the wrong ingredients. It’s nervewracking with a camera on you.
-
“Holy fucking shit!” Ninomiya Kazunari declared in the 27th floor break room. “Would you look at that?”
Jun snatched his phone back, shoving it in his back pocket. Nino would have to grab his ass if he wanted to have another look. Though he knew Nino would be willing to stoop to such a tactic, he offered his most intimidating sneer to keep him away.
“I owe Sho-san big time,” Jun admitted, referring to the picture he now had in his possession of himself and Aiba Masaki, looking like close friends, that Sakurai had sent to him just that morning. “What do you think I should do? Buy him dinner? Can I buy dinner for a guy on the news?”
“If you provide food, Sho-chan will appear. His producer has him on a diet because the cameras already add weight to his face, but he usually tells them to fuck off.” Nino perched on the break room countertop, tapping his fingers. “Then again, Sho-chan gets off on using his super news guy power to help less fortunates like you and me. You probably don’t have to do anything for him.”
Jun settled for sending a thank you card Sakurai’s way, and he spent the next two weeks practically floating around the office. He looked much better in the photo than he’d felt at the time, and with each new viewing he felt a fresh wave of warmth and good feelings wash over him. Aiba Masaki, the Disco Star, had touched him. Aiba Masaki, the Disco Star, had spoken to him. And for goodness sake, Aiba Masaki, the Disco Star, had called him Jun.
Annoying co-workers who stole his clearly marked yogurt from the fridge? Didn’t matter, Jun had his picture. Printer out of toner when he had an important report to print out? Didn’t matter, Jun had his picture. New upstairs neighbor in his apartment building who listened to heavy metal? Didn’t matter, Jun had his picture.
So when a new email came through from Sakurai Sho on a Tuesday morning at the office, Jun didn’t even think there was anything odd or strange about it. Maybe he was just now getting Jun’s thank you card and was going to thank him for thanking him. But he really didn’t expect the message that appeared when he clicked, although the subject line, VIP!!!!!!, should have set off alarms in Jun’s head.
Matsumoto-san,
I’m so glad that you were able to meet Aiba-san. Let me know if you and Nino are in the mood for soba, it would be great to meet up again soon.
Anyhow I’m actually writing with a bit of an odd request, so please pardon me if the message I’m relaying isn’t conveyed well. This morning I received a voicemail from Aiba Masaki. He said he’s going golfing at the Musashigaoka Golf Course in Saitama Thursday morning. We’d spoken about golf before his interview, just to warm up for filming. I’m unfortunately on assignment and will not be able to make it Thursday, but Aiba-san said if I couldn’t go that I should ask you. He seemed rather sincere, although it’s probably because he doesn’t know you’re a salaryman with a normal work schedule.
But before declining on your behalf, I thought it would be best to notify you of his invitation. Please let me know how you’d like me to respond.
Jun read the email at least eight more times because he still couldn’t quite believe it. The Sakurai Sho Jun had met wouldn’t lie about something like this, even if he was childhood friends with a person like Nino. And the email address seemed legitimate. He doubted that Nino would stoop so low as to hack a friend’s work email to tease Jun about his Disco Star fanboying. And so, Aiba-san’s invitation was apparently for real. But why on earth would he invite Jun?
It was not his place to question why. This was clearly a sign. A sign that someone was looking out for Matsumoto Jun. No longer did Jun have to resign himself to sneaking listens of “Be Authentically You” on his phone on the train every morning. No longer did Jun have to spend long hours on Google looking for an Aiba Masaki article he hadn’t already read. No longer did he have to lay in bed in the dark, smiling at the picture on his phone that he’d uploaded to the cloud in multiple places so he’d never ever lose it.
Sakurai-san, Jun wrote, fingers flying over the keyboard even though he was considered by many to be a slow, methodical typist.
Thanks again for all your assistance. It was such a privilege to be welcomed to NTV.
I have a day off on Thursday, so please let Aiba-san know I’m happy to meet him for a round of golf. If it’s easier to forward his details on to me, or his manager’s details, please do so. I appreciate it, and don’t want to force you into a middleman role since you’re so busy.
Sincerely,
Matsumoto Jun
As soon as he clicked ‘Send’ he knew it was a really, really, really bad decision he’d made. First off, he did not actually have the day off on Thursday. He was perfectly healthy, so he didn’t want to waste a sick day. A vacation day it had to be. He did a rather ungraceful speed walk from his cubicle to his boss’ office, informing her that there’d been a cancellation at his dental office and they’d rescheduled him for Thursday morning. Would it be too much trouble if…?
“Go ahead, go ahead,” she said. Jun knew his boss had just gone through a long and painful string of fillings and three root canals, so the word ‘dentist’ still sent shivers down her spine. “You’ll be in on Friday?”
“Of course.”
“Go, go.”
He was definitely meeting Aiba Masaki on Thursday morning now, because when he got back to his desk Sakurai Sho had already forwarded on an email address and phone number for the Disco Star himself and Jun then fired off an email within forty-five seconds of sitting down. Five minutes later, he received an email from Aiba that simply said “Great! Tee off time is 8:00 AM! See you!”
Even with the day off, he still knew it was a really, really, really bad decision he’d made. He didn’t have a car, but somehow had to get out to a random golf course in Saitama. He doubted he’d be able to keep it under wraps, because Sakurai was probably confused now and would ask Nino what was going on. And Nino would have a field day with this.
And then there was the most pressing worry of all: the fact that aside from using a putter at a mini golf course once or twice as a kid, Matsumoto Jun had never swung a golf club in his life.
-
non-no: What other kinds of offers have you received?
A: You name it! A lot of it’s modeling, you know. Serious modeling, for major brands, but then there are these, like, Halloween stores that have called up. They say it’ll be a ‘disco’ Halloween this year, all because of me. And then well, everybody knows about the AV by now. (laughs)
While “Be Authentically You” was created, in essence, to lure in housewives to the growing pachinko chain, the video itself features a group of young men who dance behind Aiba-san. Almost all of these performers are Disco Star Pachinko employees, but the small army of attractive young men combined with the tightly-trousered main personality has earned the video considerable fans in the gay community as well.
Shinjuku Ni-chome, always a lively area to begin with, has seen a “Disco Star Boom” of late, with a surge of bellbottoms and flashy clothes making appearances alongside the usual drag queens. The boom prompted one gay AV production company to approach Aiba-san with an offer.
A: They already had a plot picked out, well, not that those videos have plots. I mean to say that they wanted me to be there and to have sex with other viral stars. The one they really had their fingers crossed for was Mr. Bake, if you can believe it! We don’t even make the same product! Pachinko and Mr. Bake? What were they thinking?
Last year, former Johnny’s idol Ohno Satoshi (34), known better now as an artist and painter, popped up in a series of humorous commercials for Mr. Bake chocolates. Though his viral success was fairly limited outside of Japan, he was another fan favorite in the gay community.
-
The taxi dropped him off in front of the clubhouse at 7:37 AM, and Jun was surprised he’d managed to get all the way here without vomiting in panic. The night before, after work, he’d gone to a sports store not far from the office, taking a long hard look at a pair of plaid golf slacks before deciding that he simply couldn’t fake it.
He’d decided to come clean to Aiba Masaki in person. The guy was probably already here, with his golf bag and those golf shoes with the pointy bits on them. He figured it was best to confess his lack of golfing ability face to face rather than lying to him over email about coming down with the bubonic plague, which was the idea he’d had in the sports store.
In khaki slacks and a polo shirt he’d somehow had in his closet at home, Jun nervously entered the clubhouse. Aiba had sent him a quick email the night before saying he’d be in the pro shop waiting for him. He turned the corner only to find the small pro shop was mobbed with middle-aged men cheering. “Disco Star!” the men were chanting. “Disco Star!”
At the center of this mob of businessmen, who were probably here to kiss the asses of their clients all morning on the course, stood Aiba Masaki. He looked nervous, a bit red in the face as the men kept a tight circle around him, begging for him to autograph their golf bags, their scorecards, their golf ball. Someone had given him a marker already and some jolly guy was encouraging him to sign something for his daughter, who was a student at Waseda.
“She’s single too, Disco Star-san,” the man was saying, and the other men took this as a challenge, offering up their own daughters as a potential match.
Aiba, overwhelmed, just kept signing things without speaking much. Jun hung back for a good twenty-five minutes while Aiba diligently autographed, shook hands, and took selfies with the enthusiastic group of men. When the last of them had walked away, mumbling to his friend about going online to auction the autograph, Jun watched Aiba slump back against one of the shop displays, shutting his eyes and exhaling. The cost of fame was really quite high. And yet he hadn’t said no to any of them. He’d been polite to each and every one of them, where Jun would have gotten tired after the first few omiai offers.
But then Aiba looked up and all of the sadness that had colored his features vanished in a moment. “Hey Jun!” He waved Jun over, and there was definitely no escape now. Feeling way out of place in the luxurious golf clubhouse, Jun approached with measured steps. Despite his fame, Aiba didn’t really have a fancy golf outfit either, just a Chiba Lotte Marines baseball cap and a white polo shirt tucked in to a pair of knee-length shorts.
“Good morning. I didn’t want to interrupt while you were meeting with your fans,” Jun said, even though he himself was just a fan who’d hit the jackpot.
Aiba laughed. “I don’t think most of those guys were fans. I think a few knew me and then the others just wanted to have a story to tell on the course today.” Now that Jun had come close, Aiba’s posture slumped again. He didn’t feel like he had to act “famous” in front of Jun. “Ahhh, my hand’s going to cramp. One of those guys had me sign his driver, can you believe that?”
“I saw.”
“Ahhh, I love this course. I really didn’t think anyone would approach me here, though.”
“I’m sorry.”
Aiba patted his shoulder, as though he and Jun were close friends already. “Not your fault.” Aiba checked his watch. “We’ve totally missed the tee-off.”
“Actually, Aiba-san…” Jun interrupted, feeling rotten. After the mob scene, it was clear Aiba just wanted to relax and get out on the course. “There’s something I should tell you.”
“You don’t have clubs, right? That’s okay, you can borrow some or you can use mine, I don’t mind. It’s a bit warm today, so I figured we’d get a cart instead of walking. They’ve got caddies though, so…”
“Aiba-san, I’m so sorry,” Jun said, lowering his head in apology. “I can’t do this. I’ve never golfed before.”
“At all?”
“I don’t suppose a putt-putt course counts.”
Aiba’s voice was still friendly. “Not quite, no.”
He looked up, seeing Aiba was smiling at him. “I’m really sorry. I just…I don’t know why you invited me, in the event that Sakurai-san couldn’t come. You don’t even know me. But I said yes because…well, I guess I was selfish.”
“Jun-kun,” Aiba said, leaning closer so his voice wouldn’t carry. “Don’t worry about it. Just…would you like to talk? We don’t have to go out there.”
He shut his eyes. “I’ve ruined your day with my selfishness.”
“Cheer up, would you? I can golf any time!” Aiba wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Come on, let’s have some breakfast instead. You’ve done that before, at least? Eaten breakfast?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, completely red in the face. “But…you know I’m just a fan, right? Why would you want to spend time with me?”
He felt Aiba’s hand squeeze his shoulder. “You can say you’re selfish for coming here, but you didn’t do it so you could brag about it or sell your story to a tabloid. I can just tell. I could tell from the moment you met me at NTV and didn’t immediately start demanding things from me. You even wanted me to have that mini-quiche. There aren’t a lot of people like you, okay? So stop worrying. Now let’s eat!”
-
A: So they tell me that Disco Star and Mr. Bake will go at it. And you know, I’ve met Ohno-san, and he’s a great guy. He’s actually been a great mentor to me. Coping with all the attention, you know? He’s really, really great. Neither of us could really understand why anyone would want to see us have sex with each other though.
non-no: You and Ohno-san discussed the project?
A: I mean, it’s flattering in a way, I suppose? But yeah, we met up for drinks and had a good laugh about it. We turned it down together. A united front, right?
non-no: That didn’t stop the company though, did it?
A: No! They were really set on it, weren’t they?
In late May of this year, the AV production company, Hole in One Studios, released “Disco Bake Shop” starring a pair of Aiba and Ohno lookalikes who meet overseas in the vaguely Middle Eastern marketplace featured in the “Be Authentically You” video. It includes an astonishing 86 minutes of sex acts alone. It is currently sold out, with bootleg copies going for thousands of yen on Yahoo Auctions and eBay.
-
An hour later, Jun was totally full and much happier than he’d been upon first entering the clubhouse. The restaurant specialized in Western breakfast, not Jun’s typical choices, but he was stuffed full of toast and eggs and bacon, so he couldn’t exactly complain. It wasn’t anything a run at the gym couldn’t fix.
And then there’d been Aiba-san, his breakfast companion. Though he’d been fairly shy around his other fans, he opened up so easily with Jun at the table. He talked like he apparently hadn’t allowed himself to in months, now that fame had hit and he had to be so careful about what he said, about what might be reported about him. So he complained to Jun about having to disguise himself when he went out, even to the convenience store on the corner. He complained about people trying to get his phone number by looking up his second and third cousins, people he hadn’t spoken with in years.
“And when I go to events and things, everyone treats me like I’m this super important person. They ask if I need mineral water or how many types of ramen I want to have available in the green room or if there’s a particular type of mousse they should use on my hair. It’s just…” Aiba set his fork down and shook his head, smiling ruefully. “I’m grateful, you know? I’m grateful for everyone’s concern, but I kind of miss being nobody special.”
Jun poured himself another cup of coffee from the pot on the table. Despite his earlier worries, sitting with Aiba Masaki was just so easy. Speaking to him, the person he’d been pretty much crazy about for months, was simple because Aiba made him feel so comfortable. He didn’t put on airs. He didn’t act like he was better than Jun. And he’d already thanked Jun multiple times for being a fan, for supporting him, as though Jun was the great person and he wasn’t.
“If you don’t mind me asking, then why have you agreed to be on a variety show? Permanently, I mean? Couldn’t you just go back to your old job?”
Aiba nodded. “I thought about that, but I just caused my parents so much trouble. I loved cooking, I still love it, but I can’t be a burden on them. I don’t need people trying to cut in line to see if I’m working in the kitchen that day. So since I had to give that up, I figured I could start saving up for when I’m not famous anymore. TV pays pretty well, so once the Disco Star thing calms down I’ll have some money and can live comfortably while I figure out who I am and what my future will be.”
“You seem like you already know who you are,” Jun admitted. He was discovering there was way more to the person he idolized than a silly music video or magazine interview could tell him. He was a human being, with hopes and fears.
“I do, I do. It’s just been a crazy year. It’s easy to get lost, lose sight of what’s important when suddenly everyone’s dissecting everything you say,” Aiba said, adding quite a bit of sugar to his coffee. “I’ve barely let you talk, you know.”
“That’s okay. You seem like you needed to get some things off your chest.”
“I really did,” Aiba replied, “but that’s still no excuse. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“Shall we meet up again then?” Jun was surprised to see the hopeful look in Aiba’s gentle brown eyes. “To make things fair?”
“Any…any time,” Jun managed to say.
“My schedule’s kind of weird, as I’ve told you.”
“Well mine’s fairly set. So if you need to talk, we’ll figure something out.”
Aiba called for the check, telling Jun to put his wallet away. When they were alone again, Aiba sat back in his chair, letting out a breath, as though he was trying to say something important. Jun listened, curious.
“I don’t have friends anymore,” Aiba said quietly. “I mean, Kazama-kun, he’s the guy who runs Disco Star? He’s totally busy with opening new locations. I see him once a month now, if that. My best friend. And then most everyone else, they either stay away, thinking I don’t care about them now that I’m famous or worse, they expect things from me. That I’ll hook them up with celebrities or get them invited to things. They’re people I thought I knew, and that stupid video ruined that. Some of them have even talked to the press, sharing pictures from when we were kids. All of this behind my back. It’s hard.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“So am I,” Aiba said, and Jun watched him blink away some tears. “But I guess that’s how things are, at least for now. I’ve forgiven most of them, I mean, not that I’ve said it to them, but how can you turn down a paid interview or money of any kind? It would be hard on anyone. So I understand why they’d do it.”
“You’re a good person, Aiba-san.” Jun meant it, too.
Aiba rolled his eyes. “I’m just a person. Period. Jun-kun, I know we’ve just met and I know I have you at a disadvantage, since you’re a fan and probably know whatever the press has said about me while I don’t know anything about you. But do you think maybe…we could be friends?”
Jun’s eyes widened.
“No?” Aiba said quickly. “I understand. It would be weird and…”
“It wouldn’t be weird,” Jun interrupted, feeling the tips of his ears go hot. “I just, I’m happy to meet you again. This breakfast, talking with you, it’s been really great. It’s just that, well, full disclosure, Aiba-san, but I don’t think I could just be your friend.”
“Because I’m a celebrity?”
Jun was nearly whispering, saying words he rarely said out loud. “Because I like you.”
Aiba looked at him curiously. “That doesn’t bother me though. I know that you like me. You’re a fan, that’s what it means. Maybe I could become a Matsumoto Jun fan, once I get to know you better!”
Jun shuddered a bit, uncomfortable after so many minutes without having to confront his feelings. With just listening to Aiba Masaki talk. “I’m…I’m a person that’s…I like men, okay? I’m not just a fan, I’m a person who is attracted to you.”
“Oh,” Aiba said, and then silence descended on the table.
Well, he’d screwed it up. Why didn’t he just say “sure, let’s be friends!” It would make the friendless Aiba happy, to know he had someone he could talk to. He needed someone, it was so obvious that he needed a confidante, a supporter who could be there for him without demanding anything. So why did he come face to face with Aiba Masaki, the world famous Disco Star, and start blabbing like he’d been injected with truth serum?
“Actually,” Aiba said a few moments later, breaking the quiet. “Um…”
Jun looked up, saw a strange look of understanding in Aiba’s face.
“Do you want to know why I always say there’s no Mrs. Disco Star?”
part two
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Matsumoto Jun/Aiba Masaki (and a “secret” pairing LOL)
Summary: The phenomenon that’s gone worldwide! The video everyone’s talking about! A bright fantasy world that at the end of the day just wants us to part with our money. That video is of course “Be Authentically You,” the four minute viral sensation from Disco Star Pachinko, the chain founded in Narashino, Chiba.
Notes/Warnings: Happy birthday, Jun! AU where Aiba is a viral video star (a “Disco Star”, you could say) and Jun is his devoted fanboy.
non-no October issue
Rising Star: Aiba Masaki
By Sawajiri Erika
Photographs by Kato Shigeaki; styled by Kamenashi Kazuya
The phenomenon that’s gone worldwide! The video everyone’s talking about! A bright fantasy world that at the end of the day just wants us to part with our money. That video is of course “Be Authentically You,” the four minute viral sensation from Disco Star Pachinko, the chain founded in Narashino, Chiba.
Eight months ago, 30-second spots started airing during late night programming in the Kanto region, but it was the full video posted to the pachinko chain’s official YouTube page that got Japan and eventually the world talking. A man in colorful clothing dancing to a strangely catchy tune, his too-tight purple bellbottoms aimed at bringing in Disco Star Pachinko’s gambling targets: middle-aged housewives. With his nutty dance moves and friendly smile, Aiba Masaki (32) has captured attention and gained fans from Tokyo to Timbuktu. He speaks with non-no about the video that’s turned him into a global superstar and his humbler beginnings.
A: Superstar seems a bit exaggerated though. It’s just a commercial…
non-no: Could anyone really describe a video with 722 million YouTube views as “just a commercial” in this day and age?
A: (laughs) We have more than Carly Rae-san now. (editor’s note: Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’)
non-no: Are you aiming for Psy?
A: Gangnam Style? (laughs) That was a real song!
-
“Ah, shit! Shit shit shit!” he hissed under his breath when he accidentally hit ‘maximize’ with his mouse instead of minimize. He hurriedly tried to hide it, but it was already too late.
“Don’t bother! I saw it, you weirdo,” Ninomiya Kazunari chuckled, perching his skinny ass on the edge of Jun’s desk as he frantically clicked.
Jun glared at him, his screen now returned to the perpetual tedium of Microsoft Excel. “Don’t you have work to do?”
“Don’t you?”
Jun turned his attentions back to his screen, ignoring Nino’s smug face by re-checking some totals he’d entered. “We’re entitled to a fifteen minute break.”
“And I’m using mine to get up and move around,” Nino said.
“Don’t…” Jun shut his eyes. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“Oh J, everybody already knows,” Nino insisted. “J” being the nickname Nino had given him a year back. “J” being what Nino called him even though Jun was technically his senior on the QA team.
He cracked open one of his eyes, seeing Nino’s self-satisfied grin. “Really?”
“Matsumoto Jun in QA on the 27th floor, Disco Star-sama’s number one fan!”
He grabbed his stapler from the left side of his desk and thwapped Nino in the thigh with it. Not hard enough to bruise, but enough to mean business. “Would you keep your fucking voice down?”
Around them the 27th floor was full of their co-workers, typing and clicking away. It was mid-afternoon, and half the teams on their section of the floor were working on monthly status reports for the head of Supply Chain Management. To keep himself focused today, Jun had been taking short breaks. It was better for his brain if he spent a few minutes away from his spreadsheets every hour, a few minutes away from the pinging of his email. How he chose to fill that time was really none of Nino’s business.
“Whenever I come over here, you’re watching it.”
“That’s really not true,” Jun snitted, tightening his grip on the stapler. Nino sat two cubicle rows over. If he was any closer, Jun would never get any work done. Nino had earned plenty of complaints from his neighbors for listening to video game music so loud it could be heard through his earbuds.
“That video has more than 700 million views. How many of them come from you?”
“It’s not like that.”
Actually, it was like that.
Inoo in the CRM department, a notorious slack-off, had been the one to find it months back. It was a commercial for some pachinko chain Jun had never heard of, and there’d been a much longer version on YouTube. Inoo had sent it around to half the company, minus the supervisors who’d report his ass for spamming everyone. Just as it was taking off around Japan and eventually the world, Jun watched it on his phone during his lunch break. And his life had never been the same.
It really was just a silly video, some guy in a ridiculous outfit doing an even more ridiculous dance, but it had come at the right time for Jun. He’d still been recovering from a nasty breakup and like always, there was hardly anyone he could really tell about it - because the person he’d been with was a man. He couldn’t bitch in the break room about the guy who’d cheated on him and broken his heart. The company was too status quo for that. He’d found a strange kind of solace in “Be Authentically You,” the music video from Disco Star Pachinko.
He’d never been able to be his authentic self. He was gay in a country that mostly treated people like him as a joke, so he instead buried himself in work and never talked about his personal life. Inoo had sent the video, and Jun had used it as an escape at first. A really good-looking guy wiggling his hips for three minutes and fifty-four satisfying seconds. It was a fantasy that got him through the day, imagining himself in the embrace of the strange guy in bellbottom pants (who really was just there to get you to gamble at a pachinko parlor).
Disco Star wouldn’t let him down. Disco Star didn’t care that Jun worked in a boring, thankless office job. Disco Star was loud and proud and brighter than a float at a Pride parade. Jun’s fantasy had slowly become an obsession.
He watched the video at home, beaming the contents of his phone to his large TV screen. He purchased the single. And as the Disco Star boom struck the world, the dancing guy was everywhere, that cheerful smile in every newspaper, magazine, TV show. He even did the dance on American television. Many people were surprised it had lasted this long, but Jun wasn’t. There was something special about Aiba Masaki, the guy from the video. With his good looks and easygoing manner, the guy was made for stardom.
Nino had caught Jun watching the video at work before, and despite Nino’s reputation as one of the department’s leading gossip mongers, nobody had made the connection. Maybe they thought Jun just liked the song, not that he had a crazy, bordering on unhealthy crush on the video’s star.
“You can keep watching,” Nino said with a dismissive hand wave. “Don’t let me interrupt.”
“I can wait.”
“Are you going to watch his new show? Doesn’t he have something coming up this fall?”
“Talk show I think?” Jun answered, trying to sound indifferent. In fact, Jun had been reading every interview he could get his hands on. He had even swung by NTV’s headquarters in Shiodome to swipe one of the promotional posters. It now had a treasured place among the magazines he’d purchased over the past few months. His Disco Star “shrine” was still pretty small, on account of how creepy he knew it made him look. And of course, he’d eaten at the Chinese restaurant in Chiba owned by Aiba-san’s parents, where he’d worked until becoming famous.
Nino patted him on the shoulder. “Look, J, let me do something nice for you.”
Jun raised an eyebrow in suspicion. Nino tended to say things like that and follow them up with “take me out to dinner and enjoy an evening in my company.” He’d fallen for it twice now, knowing it was how cheapskate Ninomiya managed to eat half of the week. “I don’t want to owe you any favors.”
Nino smiled. “I’m serious this time.” He leaned forward, his breath smelling a little too heavily like espresso from the fancy coffee machine their boss kept in her office. The sly little freeloading weasel. “What if I knew a way for you to meet Disco Star-sama?”
Jun’s heart started pounding, but he hoped he was keeping a neutral expression. Jun had always been told his face could be “too much” since he had prominent brows, big eyes, and a bit of an overbite. Controlling his face was difficult indeed. “I don’t need to meet the guy,” he lied.
He’d gone to a handshake event, quietly, a few months ago at some outlet mall. Between the swarms of housewives and flamboyant, out and proud gay men in attendance, Jun hadn’t felt comfortable queueing with either group. He’d missed his chance, drowning his sorrows with some retail therapy at BEAMS, snatching up five hats, four pairs of jeans, and eight shirts before his logical side, the credit card bill paying side, made him stop.
“Trust me,” Nino said in a voice that wasn’t very trustworthy at all. “Trust me, I’m going to make this happen for you.”
-
“Be Authentically You” was released on iTunes within a month of the video going viral in Europe and the United States. With sales of the song topping 10 million paid downloads and counting, you’d be hard pressed to call it anything but a real song. The brainchild of Disco Star Pachinko’s young CEO Kazama Shunsuke, “Be Authentically You” started out mostly as a joke. Kazama enlisted the help of his high school friend, a non-celebrity, to get the ball rolling.
A: Kazama calls me up and he tells me that he’s got some expansion strategy. They’re taking the chain out of Chiba and making a push for Tokyo. He says as part of the promotion they’re doing something called branded entertainment, like more than a commercial, but an online video. A music video for advertising purposes. I didn’t know much about that. I thought it was going to be like a radio jingle at first!
non-no: A radio jingle!
A: He was in the band at school, and I was just in basketball club so you’d think he’d call up someone with talent. But anyhow, he asked me to do it. So he comes to me with the song and we worked together on the choreography. Neither of us can dance, that’s why it’s so bizarre. Believe me, there was no professional choreographer in the studio. But his wife is actually the one who came up with the bellbottoms.
non-no: And the rest was history?
A: I guess so! I mean, we filmed it over a weekend at this studio space in Shibuya. I danced my tail off and then reported to work the next morning sore all over!
-
A few evenings later, Jun found himself having an early dinner with Ninomiya and his surprisingly famous friend. Though Nino was just another cog in Japan’s salaryman machine, he’d had the same childhood piano teacher as Sakurai Sho, now a popular newscaster at NTV. The three of them were crammed onto stools at the rear of some hole in the wall soba joint a few blocks south of NTV Tower, since Sakurai-san had to get back in time for the evening news broadcast.
Though he came across as a polished, attractive professional on the air, Sakurai Sho was slurping noodles until his cheeks were full, talking around his food. Jun was reminded of a hamster in that moment, although he had to admit that the food was really good and he could understand Sakurai’s enthusiasm.
“Sho-chan, when’s the interview again?” Nino prodded his friend with the usual inappropriate Nino-timing, Sakurai in the middle of slurping another batch of noodles into his mouth.
Sakurai dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. “Well, it’s going to be pre-recorded on Friday evening because that’s how it worked out for Aiba-san’s schedule. It’ll air on Monday’s broadcast.”
Sakurai Sho was interviewing Aiba Masaki as yet another promotion for Web Wonders! The Online Stars Who Will Change the World, the new NTV program he was appearing on. Rumor had it that the “Leave Britney Spears alone!” guy was going to be a special guest in the first episode, but Sakurai couldn’t confirm or deny anything. He worked for the network, certainly, but he didn’t have those kinds of details about programs.
“Don’t you have some good news for J?” Nino continued his prodding.
Sakurai’s face was a little uneasy when he turned to Jun. “Nino said you really wanted to meet him?”
Jun paled, and he quickly waved his hand in denial. “No! No, what did he tell you?”
Sakurai grinned. “He said you’re the biggest Disco Star fan in the world.”
Jun looked past Sakurai to scowl at Nino, who was cowering in the corner as though Jun had another stapler on him and was going to cave his head in with it. “You…” He turned back to Sakurai, remembering that this guy was Kind of a Big Deal in the entertainment world himself. “I’m sorry, Sakurai-san. As usual, Ninomiya-san has exaggerated.”
“He does do that sometimes,” Sakurai agreed, chuckling. He ruffled Nino’s hair as though he was a ten year old, not a grown man who was probably going to exclaim any moment in an unconvincing voice that he’d “forgotten” his wallet at home that day and could Sakurai please pick up his portion of the dinner bill.
Nino offered Jun a wink before patting Sakurai on the arm. “But really, he does love that guy.”
Jun slurped down some noodles in a panic. “I’m just a fan, alright?” he complained, chewing and feeling no more graceful than Sakurai. “I don’t know why he’s convinced you of something beyond that…”
“Well, technically, I’m not authorized to let strangers onto a closed interview set. I’d have to run it past Aiba-san’s people first. I mean, you’d just watch me interview him and maybe get a ‘hi’ and a handshake,” Sakurai said, his voice seemingly free of judgment.
He was growing warm and uncomfortable at the thought of being so close to Aiba Masaki. He’d look so creepy, some guy standing in the back watching the interview. Everyone else - directors, camera operators, staff - belonged there, but what the hell would he do?
“I don’t want to cause you any inconvenience, Sakurai-san.”
“It wouldn’t be a big deal,” the man assured him, having a sip of water. “Nino’s met about six or seven pro baseball players by exploiting our friendship before. At least you have the decency to be apologetic about it.”
Nino just beamed from ear to ear. How did he manage to manipulate people so skillfully?
“Well then,” Jun said, exhaling and feeling like he might explode. “If it’s not too much trouble, it would be great if I could at least say hello. To wish him well with his new program. As a fan. Just as a fan, you know? I’m not going to be all ‘give me your autograph,’ I’ll be totally respectful…”
“He knows what you mean, J,” Nino teased, dumping his leftover noodles onto Sakurai’s plate. “And it’s not like you’re meeting the Dalai Lama. It’s a guy from a YouTube video.”
Sakurai’s smile was gentler than Jun anticipated in that moment. “I’ll let you know as soon as I can, alright? You’ll just have to go to the front desk at NTV. I’ll have them prepare a visitor badge for you. It’ll be fine. Stress free.”
He and Sakurai exchanged email addresses. That in itself ought to be amazing, Jun’s brain reminded him. He was now email friends with a guy from the news. But he couldn’t even think about it. Because in mere days - DAYS!!! - he was going to meet Aiba Masaki, the man who’d rescued him from the darkest depths of post-breakup depression.
What the hell was he going to wear?!
-
A dance that would prove a challenge for even a seasoned performer, the “Be Authentically You” dance sees Aiba-san making bedroom eyes at the camera, flashing his abdomen, thrusting his hips repeatedly, and running frantically through a green-screened Middle Eastern marketplace with his hands behind his head and elbows out.
A: Even Jimmy Fallon has asked about this. (editor’s note: Jimmy Fallon, host of The Tonight Show in the United States) Kazama knew a guy who could do the green screen on the cheap. I mean, I was there in that studio running on a treadmill. In purple bellbottoms and that pink fringe shirt, right? I hadn’t the slightest idea what I was supposed to be doing.
Though the song lyrics, dancing, costuming, and backdrop have little cohesiveness, most viewers have remarked that those disconnects and the astonishing budget are what make the video so charming. “There’s nothing that disco about it, huh!” Kazama Shunsuke has said repeatedly, but the views and downloads keep pouring in. It’s completely turned life upside down for Kazama. Disco Star Pachinko has opened twenty new locations in the last six months. And then life has gotten even crazier for his high school chum, who, prior to appearing in the music video, worked as a chef in his parents’ Chiba City restaurant.
A: All of a sudden I’ve got reporters showing up at the restaurant. I’ve got other reporters calling my cell phone. How do they even get your number? I thought it would just be some one and done thing, a favor for my friend to help his business. By the end of the first month I had an agent. I had like, a media trainer.
-
He’d worked a half-day, fleeing the office sometime after 2:00 to hurry home. Sakurai Sho, who ought to have been super busy with his job, had bent over backwards to get things arranged for Jun the past few days. Aiba-san’s people had agreed to Sakurai having a guest attend the interview. Apparently Sakurai was respected enough in the industry that they assumed a guest he personally vouched for wouldn’t be a crackpot.
So it was a good thing that Sakurai Sho had no idea Jun had spent the equivalent of a month’s rent to obtain a bootleg copy of Disco Bake Shop, the gay porn video that starred an Aiba Masaki lookalike and a lookalike of the weird artist guy from the Mr. Bake commercials. He’d bought it online at 3:00 AM several weekends ago, freaking out about a pending performance review at work and trying to ease his anxiety by losing himself in filthy, filthy pornography. He’d received both high praise and a raise at his review, but kept the video anyhow. Despite the haircut, the lookalike really couldn’t compare to the original, but usually by the time Jun had his dick out, it didn’t much matter anymore. He’d masturbated to the idea of Disco Star sex for weeks now, and it really did help to clear his head.
Which was why he’d closed all the blinds in his apartment in the middle of the afternoon to watch his favorite scenes from Disco Bake Shop once more. If he got off now, he figured he’d be calmer, less hyped up when he actually met Aiba-san later that evening at NTV. He had his outfit laid out on his bed, based on Sakurai’s suggestion that he dress casually - a blazer, a violet tee, and his nicest jeans. The violet, he told himself, was an homage to the Disco Star’s infamous purple bellbottoms. It was probably a touch creepy, but he doubted it would be noticed in his five second handshake before Aiba departed.
Satisfied with his sartorial choices, he stretched out naked on his sofa and got down to it. The video wasn’t the sexiest thing in his collection. The Disco Star lookalike spent half the video thrusting his hips and going “Oh yeah, oh yeah!” which wasn’t something Aiba-san said in the original. And the dialogue was super pathetic, mostly variations on Disco Star telling Mr. Bake to get ready for something “thick and meaty” to enter his “oven.” He fast-forwarded, rolling his eyes as he watched the Mr. Bake lookalike guy’s eyes bulge as he took it up the ass yet again on the strange green-screened Arabian palace set.
Finally, in a bit of genius camera work, things shifted to a “Mr. Bake’s POV” shot, where the camera merely looked up to the towering Disco Star lookalike. Erection in hand, the guy spent a few minutes jacking off with his head mostly tilted back. It was probably the least absurd thing about the video and the part that Jun liked best, since you couldn’t see the guy’s face any longer, just his throat, the knock-off costume, and his throbbing, glistening cock. Jun put it on mute to avoid all of the stupid “here comes another load, Mr. Bake!” dialogue and managed to come in only a few minutes.
Coming back down from that high, he smiled in satisfaction. Cleaning up and turning off his DVD player, he showered and dressed, feeling loosened up and like he could even attend dinner at Buckingham Palace without a care. Even Nino’s annoying text messages, all variations on “Don’t shit your pants in front of Disco Star!”, didn’t bother him now. He strolled into NTV an hour before the interview start time, and true to his word, Sakurai Sho had arranged for a guest badge for him. He was escorted up to a small studio, where Sakurai was already waiting and shook his hand.
“Nervous?” Sakurai asked, offering another of his friendly smiles.
“I think I’ll be okay,” he said as Sakurai led him to a decent spread on a craft services table. Jun was able to munch on some free food while Sakurai prepared his questions. He put his back to the studio, listening calmly as staff arranged the lighting and Sakurai made small talk with producers. Jun was reaching for another of the mini-quiches when his hand almost collided with someone else’s. Looking over to apologize, he discovered that he was now standing next to Aiba Masaki, who had apparently entered the studio without fanfare.
He was in a gray suit with an adorably nerdy green bow tie, his dyed brown hair already styled and his face caked a bit in makeup for the cameras.
“Oh, did you want that one?” Aiba asked, that slightly scratchy voice Jun would know anywhere emerging from his perfect mouth.
“I…you can…you can have it…”
Aiba-san smiled at him, and all of Jun’s careful, deliberate preparations went out the window. Because he’d prepared for Aiba to enter, be seated, be interviewed, and then just say “What’s up!” to him as he left. Jun hadn’t anticipated a fight over a mini-quiche at the craft services table.
“No, it’s yours,” Aiba said agreeably, reaching instead for one of the brownies at the other end of the table.
“Aiba-san, Aiba-san, please, not when you’re in wardrobe!”
Aiba turned, fingers hovering in the air over the desserts. Jun watched a soft little frown cross his face. Aiba was Jun’s height and while he was slimmer than Jun was, he wasn’t as thin as he looked in the video. He looked so much better in person, cakey makeup be damned. God, he was standing two feet away! The guy he’d just masturbated to that afternoon. Sort of. Oh, this was bad. This was very bad. This was catastrophic. This was…
“Here, do me a favor, would you?” Aiba asked, grabbing Jun by the arm and tugging him close. “If you hold the napkin here while I eat, I won’t get crumbs on the suit.”
“Oi, don’t use the staff as your servants,” came the voice from earlier. It was a petite woman who looked about ready to throttle Aiba. She had on a visitor badge similar to Jun’s.
“Sorry, Staff-san,” Aiba said meekly while the woman rolled her eyes.
The situation was quickly defused when Sakurai Sho approached with his hand out. “Aiba-san, they didn’t tell us you were already here. Sorry about that.”
Aiba dragged his attention away from the brownies (and took his hand off of Jun’s arm) to shake Sakurai’s hand. “I didn’t know there was going to be dessert. Sakurai-san, nice to meet you. I’m Aiba Masaki.”
“Kanjiya Shihori, Aiba-san’s manager,” the woman said next, smoothing a hand over Aiba’s bow tie. “We were just apologizing to the member of your staff here.”
Jun looked to Sakurai in a panic, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans so nobody could see them shaking. Sakurai offered another polite newscaster smile. “Ah, if I could make the introductions. This is Matsumoto Jun-san, and he’s not actually part of our NTV staff. He’s the person I called about, Kanjiya-san. My friend.”
Wow, Sakurai was smooth. His friend, huh?
“He’s looking forward to your new program, Aiba-san, so he was eager to meet you.”
Oh thank God, Jun thought, happy that Sakurai hadn’t introduced him as a “fan.” A word that would send any sane celebrity fleeing. Aiba looked instantly apologetic, patting Jun on the shoulder. If the guy kept touching him, Jun was going to faint.
“I’m sorry again, about the quiche. And trying to make you hold my napkin. I’m not…I’m not a beast or anything. Oh man, you’re not going to put that online, are you? That I wanted you to hold my napkin?”
Kanjiya-san sighed heavily. “Would you leave the poor man alone? He came all the way here to see you!”
Jun felt the color draining from his face, and he shook his head. “Oh no no, it’s not…it’s not anything that…I mean…”
Sakurai finally intervened. “Why don’t we all chat a little more after the interview? We still need to do a lighting check for Aiba-san, and I’m sure you’d like to get moving, yes?”
“Great, great!” Aiba said. He turned to Jun with another look that threatened to put him over the edge. “After, then!”
Jun was left alone once again as Aiba and his manager followed Sakurai to the set. Soon enough, Aiba was seated in a chair across from Sakurai, running through the questions. Jun ate at least eight of the brownies on the table, just to give his hands and mouth something to do as filming began and Aiba Masaki turned on the charm.
Their first meeting had lasted far longer than the five seconds Sakurai had promised. Aiba didn’t have the aura that screamed “star,” because if he had, then surely Jun would have noticed him approaching the table before the disastrous quiche incident, as he’d probably refer to it for the next twenty years, regretting the way he’d behaved, stuttering and looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
Aiba Masaki was just as genuine in his interview with Sakurai as he had been in every other interview Jun had read or watched. Kind, a bit prone to stumbling over his words, and quick to downplay the impact he’d had on the world. Everything came back to his friend, the guy who owned the pachinko chain. Everything came back to being happy that his friend’s business was prospering.
When the director called for a cut, Aiba nearly exploded out of his seat, red in the face. He took Sakurai by the hand and started pumping it up and down. “Thank you. Oh my God, Sakurai-san, thank you!”
“For what?” Sakurai asked, chuckling.
“You didn’t ask the Mrs. question.”
“The Mrs. question?”
While staff started bustling about, making noise that made it harder for Jun to hear, he still got the gist of the talk. In every interview, without fail, Aiba Masaki had been asked if there was a “Mrs.” Disco Star, and every time he had said no, looking embarrassed. The media seemed to interpret this as shyness, wanting to protect his relationship. After all, his parents’ business had skyrocketed with his success, but now they were a media and fan target. There were stories of people going to the restaurant in hopes of seeing him and then not paying for their meals when he obviously didn’t appear. With Aiba’s sudden superstardom, it was obvious that any girlfriend he had would be the target of Internet fans. Jun figured that his ownership of a bootleg porn DVD wasn’t that harmful, comparatively, in the long run.
“We’ve got a radio interview across town in two hours,” Kanjiya was telling Aiba, not looking up from her phone. “We should probably get a move on.”
Jun, still back in the corner and trying to conceal the now empty brownie plate behind him, gulped when Aiba broke away from his manager and Sakurai and came jogging over. “Hey, I’m sorry. What was your name again?”
“Matsumoto,” Jun stuttered out. “Matsumoto Jun.”
Aiba held out his hand. “It was really great to meet you, Matsumoto-san.”
Jun panicked again, knowing he probably had chocolate all over his right hand. But then if he offered Aiba his left hand it would be really awkward. And if he moved at all then Aiba would discover that Jun had eaten all the fucking brownies and…
“How about a picture?” came the voice of Sakurai Sho.
Aiba smoothly moved away from Jun’s handshake rejection, lifting his outstretched hand into the air and shaking his fist in excitement. “Sure! Sure, how about it?”
“O-okay…if it’s not going to make you late…late for your interview and…”
Aiba wiggled his fingers at his manager. “Hey, take the picture, would ya?”
Then Aiba was in his space, his body hot like a space heater as he stood next to Jun at the craft service table, wrapping an arm around his waist, his hand somehow coming to rest under his blazer, just where Jun’s t-shirt overlapped with his belt. Jun couldn’t move, only managing to smile when he caught Sakurai Sho’s eye, saw the newscaster pointing at his mouth as a hint that Jun should look happy about this. Aiba, oblivious, held out a peace sign and before Jun could memorize the feeling of Aiba Masaki’s hand on his body, it was over with the flash of Manager Kanjiya’s phone.
“I can send this to Sakurai-san,” Kanjiya said, “and he can send it to you. Be wise about where you share it.”
“I…I wouldn’t do anything to cause Aiba-san trouble.”
“See?” Aiba said, already tugging on his bow tie and slithering out of his suit jacket. “See, Jun is a good guy!”
Jun, reaching for the table just to have something to hold on to, managed to hit the edge of the empty brownie plate with the palm of his hand. It made a loud THUNK against the table, but thankfully didn’t fall off and shatter. But in turning to find his hand coated in brownie crumbs, Jun missed Aiba Masaki waving goodbye to him as he hurried off to wardrobe.
Sakurai Sho was beside him then, laughing quietly. “Are you okay? Still starstruck?”
“He called me Jun,” he mumbled.
“He certainly did.”
They were both silent for a few moments as Sakurai’s crew packed up around them. Jun finally took a deep breath, knowing he was still in some sort of shock.
“Sakurai-san, I ate all the brownies.”
Sakurai, who up until then had been a consummate professional, doubled over in laughter.
-
non-no: Did you have any other experience in the entertainment world before this?
A: (laughs) You mean the catalog, right?
By the time “Be Authentically You” went viral, Internet fans (and anti-fans) had their attentions on Aiba Masaki, the Chiba chef. They wanted to know more about him. Fortunately for Aiba-san and for Disco Star Pachinko, what was unearthed wasn’t scandalous but tame. In his early 20’s, Aiba-san modeled for a Chiba City department store’s winter catalog. Photos of the “Disco Star Guy” flooded the web, not in his signature purple bellbottoms, but in plush sweaters and down jackets from 2004.
A: They dug those up. That was another favor I’d done. Not for Kazama, but for one of my seniors. His parents owned the store. I wasn’t the only one they called up.
non-no: But you’re the only one of those catalog models who’s hit it big. Haven’t their sales have gone up now?
A: I think they do very good business without me…
Fame has yet to go to Aiba Masaki’s head. Interviews with his friends have revealed a rather shy, humble person who never sought out celebrity. But the type of person who’d also go the distance for a friend, whether it’s modeling clothes for a local business or dancing in a crazy get-up for a pachinko parlor. Much of Aiba Masaki’s charm lies in his refreshing personality, his lack of pretentiousness. Though it can be assumed that like Psy and Gangnam Style, Aiba-san’s fans outside of Japan mostly treat him as a humorous character, perhaps even a jokey caricature, his home country accepts both facets of Aiba Masaki: the viral sensation and TV personality as well as the gentle, soothing presence behind the song and dance man.
A: They approached me (editor’s note: TV networks) with the cooking show concept first. My agent said turn it down. It had already become impossible for me to keep working at my actual job. I was a complete inconvenience in the kitchen, a problem for my parents. But we said no to the cooking show because honestly, I’m just a line cook. We have our set menu at the restaurant and I can cook all those things, but who would watch a TV program about that?
non-no: Some celebrity chefs have seen a great deal of success.
A: I know. But that’s not my thing. I’d probably burn myself on camera or put in the wrong ingredients. It’s nervewracking with a camera on you.
-
“Holy fucking shit!” Ninomiya Kazunari declared in the 27th floor break room. “Would you look at that?”
Jun snatched his phone back, shoving it in his back pocket. Nino would have to grab his ass if he wanted to have another look. Though he knew Nino would be willing to stoop to such a tactic, he offered his most intimidating sneer to keep him away.
“I owe Sho-san big time,” Jun admitted, referring to the picture he now had in his possession of himself and Aiba Masaki, looking like close friends, that Sakurai had sent to him just that morning. “What do you think I should do? Buy him dinner? Can I buy dinner for a guy on the news?”
“If you provide food, Sho-chan will appear. His producer has him on a diet because the cameras already add weight to his face, but he usually tells them to fuck off.” Nino perched on the break room countertop, tapping his fingers. “Then again, Sho-chan gets off on using his super news guy power to help less fortunates like you and me. You probably don’t have to do anything for him.”
Jun settled for sending a thank you card Sakurai’s way, and he spent the next two weeks practically floating around the office. He looked much better in the photo than he’d felt at the time, and with each new viewing he felt a fresh wave of warmth and good feelings wash over him. Aiba Masaki, the Disco Star, had touched him. Aiba Masaki, the Disco Star, had spoken to him. And for goodness sake, Aiba Masaki, the Disco Star, had called him Jun.
Annoying co-workers who stole his clearly marked yogurt from the fridge? Didn’t matter, Jun had his picture. Printer out of toner when he had an important report to print out? Didn’t matter, Jun had his picture. New upstairs neighbor in his apartment building who listened to heavy metal? Didn’t matter, Jun had his picture.
So when a new email came through from Sakurai Sho on a Tuesday morning at the office, Jun didn’t even think there was anything odd or strange about it. Maybe he was just now getting Jun’s thank you card and was going to thank him for thanking him. But he really didn’t expect the message that appeared when he clicked, although the subject line, VIP!!!!!!, should have set off alarms in Jun’s head.
Matsumoto-san,
I’m so glad that you were able to meet Aiba-san. Let me know if you and Nino are in the mood for soba, it would be great to meet up again soon.
Anyhow I’m actually writing with a bit of an odd request, so please pardon me if the message I’m relaying isn’t conveyed well. This morning I received a voicemail from Aiba Masaki. He said he’s going golfing at the Musashigaoka Golf Course in Saitama Thursday morning. We’d spoken about golf before his interview, just to warm up for filming. I’m unfortunately on assignment and will not be able to make it Thursday, but Aiba-san said if I couldn’t go that I should ask you. He seemed rather sincere, although it’s probably because he doesn’t know you’re a salaryman with a normal work schedule.
But before declining on your behalf, I thought it would be best to notify you of his invitation. Please let me know how you’d like me to respond.
Jun read the email at least eight more times because he still couldn’t quite believe it. The Sakurai Sho Jun had met wouldn’t lie about something like this, even if he was childhood friends with a person like Nino. And the email address seemed legitimate. He doubted that Nino would stoop so low as to hack a friend’s work email to tease Jun about his Disco Star fanboying. And so, Aiba-san’s invitation was apparently for real. But why on earth would he invite Jun?
It was not his place to question why. This was clearly a sign. A sign that someone was looking out for Matsumoto Jun. No longer did Jun have to resign himself to sneaking listens of “Be Authentically You” on his phone on the train every morning. No longer did Jun have to spend long hours on Google looking for an Aiba Masaki article he hadn’t already read. No longer did he have to lay in bed in the dark, smiling at the picture on his phone that he’d uploaded to the cloud in multiple places so he’d never ever lose it.
Sakurai-san, Jun wrote, fingers flying over the keyboard even though he was considered by many to be a slow, methodical typist.
Thanks again for all your assistance. It was such a privilege to be welcomed to NTV.
I have a day off on Thursday, so please let Aiba-san know I’m happy to meet him for a round of golf. If it’s easier to forward his details on to me, or his manager’s details, please do so. I appreciate it, and don’t want to force you into a middleman role since you’re so busy.
Sincerely,
Matsumoto Jun
As soon as he clicked ‘Send’ he knew it was a really, really, really bad decision he’d made. First off, he did not actually have the day off on Thursday. He was perfectly healthy, so he didn’t want to waste a sick day. A vacation day it had to be. He did a rather ungraceful speed walk from his cubicle to his boss’ office, informing her that there’d been a cancellation at his dental office and they’d rescheduled him for Thursday morning. Would it be too much trouble if…?
“Go ahead, go ahead,” she said. Jun knew his boss had just gone through a long and painful string of fillings and three root canals, so the word ‘dentist’ still sent shivers down her spine. “You’ll be in on Friday?”
“Of course.”
“Go, go.”
He was definitely meeting Aiba Masaki on Thursday morning now, because when he got back to his desk Sakurai Sho had already forwarded on an email address and phone number for the Disco Star himself and Jun then fired off an email within forty-five seconds of sitting down. Five minutes later, he received an email from Aiba that simply said “Great! Tee off time is 8:00 AM! See you!”
Even with the day off, he still knew it was a really, really, really bad decision he’d made. He didn’t have a car, but somehow had to get out to a random golf course in Saitama. He doubted he’d be able to keep it under wraps, because Sakurai was probably confused now and would ask Nino what was going on. And Nino would have a field day with this.
And then there was the most pressing worry of all: the fact that aside from using a putter at a mini golf course once or twice as a kid, Matsumoto Jun had never swung a golf club in his life.
-
non-no: What other kinds of offers have you received?
A: You name it! A lot of it’s modeling, you know. Serious modeling, for major brands, but then there are these, like, Halloween stores that have called up. They say it’ll be a ‘disco’ Halloween this year, all because of me. And then well, everybody knows about the AV by now. (laughs)
While “Be Authentically You” was created, in essence, to lure in housewives to the growing pachinko chain, the video itself features a group of young men who dance behind Aiba-san. Almost all of these performers are Disco Star Pachinko employees, but the small army of attractive young men combined with the tightly-trousered main personality has earned the video considerable fans in the gay community as well.
Shinjuku Ni-chome, always a lively area to begin with, has seen a “Disco Star Boom” of late, with a surge of bellbottoms and flashy clothes making appearances alongside the usual drag queens. The boom prompted one gay AV production company to approach Aiba-san with an offer.
A: They already had a plot picked out, well, not that those videos have plots. I mean to say that they wanted me to be there and to have sex with other viral stars. The one they really had their fingers crossed for was Mr. Bake, if you can believe it! We don’t even make the same product! Pachinko and Mr. Bake? What were they thinking?
Last year, former Johnny’s idol Ohno Satoshi (34), known better now as an artist and painter, popped up in a series of humorous commercials for Mr. Bake chocolates. Though his viral success was fairly limited outside of Japan, he was another fan favorite in the gay community.
-
The taxi dropped him off in front of the clubhouse at 7:37 AM, and Jun was surprised he’d managed to get all the way here without vomiting in panic. The night before, after work, he’d gone to a sports store not far from the office, taking a long hard look at a pair of plaid golf slacks before deciding that he simply couldn’t fake it.
He’d decided to come clean to Aiba Masaki in person. The guy was probably already here, with his golf bag and those golf shoes with the pointy bits on them. He figured it was best to confess his lack of golfing ability face to face rather than lying to him over email about coming down with the bubonic plague, which was the idea he’d had in the sports store.
In khaki slacks and a polo shirt he’d somehow had in his closet at home, Jun nervously entered the clubhouse. Aiba had sent him a quick email the night before saying he’d be in the pro shop waiting for him. He turned the corner only to find the small pro shop was mobbed with middle-aged men cheering. “Disco Star!” the men were chanting. “Disco Star!”
At the center of this mob of businessmen, who were probably here to kiss the asses of their clients all morning on the course, stood Aiba Masaki. He looked nervous, a bit red in the face as the men kept a tight circle around him, begging for him to autograph their golf bags, their scorecards, their golf ball. Someone had given him a marker already and some jolly guy was encouraging him to sign something for his daughter, who was a student at Waseda.
“She’s single too, Disco Star-san,” the man was saying, and the other men took this as a challenge, offering up their own daughters as a potential match.
Aiba, overwhelmed, just kept signing things without speaking much. Jun hung back for a good twenty-five minutes while Aiba diligently autographed, shook hands, and took selfies with the enthusiastic group of men. When the last of them had walked away, mumbling to his friend about going online to auction the autograph, Jun watched Aiba slump back against one of the shop displays, shutting his eyes and exhaling. The cost of fame was really quite high. And yet he hadn’t said no to any of them. He’d been polite to each and every one of them, where Jun would have gotten tired after the first few omiai offers.
But then Aiba looked up and all of the sadness that had colored his features vanished in a moment. “Hey Jun!” He waved Jun over, and there was definitely no escape now. Feeling way out of place in the luxurious golf clubhouse, Jun approached with measured steps. Despite his fame, Aiba didn’t really have a fancy golf outfit either, just a Chiba Lotte Marines baseball cap and a white polo shirt tucked in to a pair of knee-length shorts.
“Good morning. I didn’t want to interrupt while you were meeting with your fans,” Jun said, even though he himself was just a fan who’d hit the jackpot.
Aiba laughed. “I don’t think most of those guys were fans. I think a few knew me and then the others just wanted to have a story to tell on the course today.” Now that Jun had come close, Aiba’s posture slumped again. He didn’t feel like he had to act “famous” in front of Jun. “Ahhh, my hand’s going to cramp. One of those guys had me sign his driver, can you believe that?”
“I saw.”
“Ahhh, I love this course. I really didn’t think anyone would approach me here, though.”
“I’m sorry.”
Aiba patted his shoulder, as though he and Jun were close friends already. “Not your fault.” Aiba checked his watch. “We’ve totally missed the tee-off.”
“Actually, Aiba-san…” Jun interrupted, feeling rotten. After the mob scene, it was clear Aiba just wanted to relax and get out on the course. “There’s something I should tell you.”
“You don’t have clubs, right? That’s okay, you can borrow some or you can use mine, I don’t mind. It’s a bit warm today, so I figured we’d get a cart instead of walking. They’ve got caddies though, so…”
“Aiba-san, I’m so sorry,” Jun said, lowering his head in apology. “I can’t do this. I’ve never golfed before.”
“At all?”
“I don’t suppose a putt-putt course counts.”
Aiba’s voice was still friendly. “Not quite, no.”
He looked up, seeing Aiba was smiling at him. “I’m really sorry. I just…I don’t know why you invited me, in the event that Sakurai-san couldn’t come. You don’t even know me. But I said yes because…well, I guess I was selfish.”
“Jun-kun,” Aiba said, leaning closer so his voice wouldn’t carry. “Don’t worry about it. Just…would you like to talk? We don’t have to go out there.”
He shut his eyes. “I’ve ruined your day with my selfishness.”
“Cheer up, would you? I can golf any time!” Aiba wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Come on, let’s have some breakfast instead. You’ve done that before, at least? Eaten breakfast?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, completely red in the face. “But…you know I’m just a fan, right? Why would you want to spend time with me?”
He felt Aiba’s hand squeeze his shoulder. “You can say you’re selfish for coming here, but you didn’t do it so you could brag about it or sell your story to a tabloid. I can just tell. I could tell from the moment you met me at NTV and didn’t immediately start demanding things from me. You even wanted me to have that mini-quiche. There aren’t a lot of people like you, okay? So stop worrying. Now let’s eat!”
-
A: So they tell me that Disco Star and Mr. Bake will go at it. And you know, I’ve met Ohno-san, and he’s a great guy. He’s actually been a great mentor to me. Coping with all the attention, you know? He’s really, really great. Neither of us could really understand why anyone would want to see us have sex with each other though.
non-no: You and Ohno-san discussed the project?
A: I mean, it’s flattering in a way, I suppose? But yeah, we met up for drinks and had a good laugh about it. We turned it down together. A united front, right?
non-no: That didn’t stop the company though, did it?
A: No! They were really set on it, weren’t they?
In late May of this year, the AV production company, Hole in One Studios, released “Disco Bake Shop” starring a pair of Aiba and Ohno lookalikes who meet overseas in the vaguely Middle Eastern marketplace featured in the “Be Authentically You” video. It includes an astonishing 86 minutes of sex acts alone. It is currently sold out, with bootleg copies going for thousands of yen on Yahoo Auctions and eBay.
-
An hour later, Jun was totally full and much happier than he’d been upon first entering the clubhouse. The restaurant specialized in Western breakfast, not Jun’s typical choices, but he was stuffed full of toast and eggs and bacon, so he couldn’t exactly complain. It wasn’t anything a run at the gym couldn’t fix.
And then there’d been Aiba-san, his breakfast companion. Though he’d been fairly shy around his other fans, he opened up so easily with Jun at the table. He talked like he apparently hadn’t allowed himself to in months, now that fame had hit and he had to be so careful about what he said, about what might be reported about him. So he complained to Jun about having to disguise himself when he went out, even to the convenience store on the corner. He complained about people trying to get his phone number by looking up his second and third cousins, people he hadn’t spoken with in years.
“And when I go to events and things, everyone treats me like I’m this super important person. They ask if I need mineral water or how many types of ramen I want to have available in the green room or if there’s a particular type of mousse they should use on my hair. It’s just…” Aiba set his fork down and shook his head, smiling ruefully. “I’m grateful, you know? I’m grateful for everyone’s concern, but I kind of miss being nobody special.”
Jun poured himself another cup of coffee from the pot on the table. Despite his earlier worries, sitting with Aiba Masaki was just so easy. Speaking to him, the person he’d been pretty much crazy about for months, was simple because Aiba made him feel so comfortable. He didn’t put on airs. He didn’t act like he was better than Jun. And he’d already thanked Jun multiple times for being a fan, for supporting him, as though Jun was the great person and he wasn’t.
“If you don’t mind me asking, then why have you agreed to be on a variety show? Permanently, I mean? Couldn’t you just go back to your old job?”
Aiba nodded. “I thought about that, but I just caused my parents so much trouble. I loved cooking, I still love it, but I can’t be a burden on them. I don’t need people trying to cut in line to see if I’m working in the kitchen that day. So since I had to give that up, I figured I could start saving up for when I’m not famous anymore. TV pays pretty well, so once the Disco Star thing calms down I’ll have some money and can live comfortably while I figure out who I am and what my future will be.”
“You seem like you already know who you are,” Jun admitted. He was discovering there was way more to the person he idolized than a silly music video or magazine interview could tell him. He was a human being, with hopes and fears.
“I do, I do. It’s just been a crazy year. It’s easy to get lost, lose sight of what’s important when suddenly everyone’s dissecting everything you say,” Aiba said, adding quite a bit of sugar to his coffee. “I’ve barely let you talk, you know.”
“That’s okay. You seem like you needed to get some things off your chest.”
“I really did,” Aiba replied, “but that’s still no excuse. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“Shall we meet up again then?” Jun was surprised to see the hopeful look in Aiba’s gentle brown eyes. “To make things fair?”
“Any…any time,” Jun managed to say.
“My schedule’s kind of weird, as I’ve told you.”
“Well mine’s fairly set. So if you need to talk, we’ll figure something out.”
Aiba called for the check, telling Jun to put his wallet away. When they were alone again, Aiba sat back in his chair, letting out a breath, as though he was trying to say something important. Jun listened, curious.
“I don’t have friends anymore,” Aiba said quietly. “I mean, Kazama-kun, he’s the guy who runs Disco Star? He’s totally busy with opening new locations. I see him once a month now, if that. My best friend. And then most everyone else, they either stay away, thinking I don’t care about them now that I’m famous or worse, they expect things from me. That I’ll hook them up with celebrities or get them invited to things. They’re people I thought I knew, and that stupid video ruined that. Some of them have even talked to the press, sharing pictures from when we were kids. All of this behind my back. It’s hard.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“So am I,” Aiba said, and Jun watched him blink away some tears. “But I guess that’s how things are, at least for now. I’ve forgiven most of them, I mean, not that I’ve said it to them, but how can you turn down a paid interview or money of any kind? It would be hard on anyone. So I understand why they’d do it.”
“You’re a good person, Aiba-san.” Jun meant it, too.
Aiba rolled his eyes. “I’m just a person. Period. Jun-kun, I know we’ve just met and I know I have you at a disadvantage, since you’re a fan and probably know whatever the press has said about me while I don’t know anything about you. But do you think maybe…we could be friends?”
Jun’s eyes widened.
“No?” Aiba said quickly. “I understand. It would be weird and…”
“It wouldn’t be weird,” Jun interrupted, feeling the tips of his ears go hot. “I just, I’m happy to meet you again. This breakfast, talking with you, it’s been really great. It’s just that, well, full disclosure, Aiba-san, but I don’t think I could just be your friend.”
“Because I’m a celebrity?”
Jun was nearly whispering, saying words he rarely said out loud. “Because I like you.”
Aiba looked at him curiously. “That doesn’t bother me though. I know that you like me. You’re a fan, that’s what it means. Maybe I could become a Matsumoto Jun fan, once I get to know you better!”
Jun shuddered a bit, uncomfortable after so many minutes without having to confront his feelings. With just listening to Aiba Masaki talk. “I’m…I’m a person that’s…I like men, okay? I’m not just a fan, I’m a person who is attracted to you.”
“Oh,” Aiba said, and then silence descended on the table.
Well, he’d screwed it up. Why didn’t he just say “sure, let’s be friends!” It would make the friendless Aiba happy, to know he had someone he could talk to. He needed someone, it was so obvious that he needed a confidante, a supporter who could be there for him without demanding anything. So why did he come face to face with Aiba Masaki, the world famous Disco Star, and start blabbing like he’d been injected with truth serum?
“Actually,” Aiba said a few moments later, breaking the quiet. “Um…”
Jun looked up, saw a strange look of understanding in Aiba’s face.
“Do you want to know why I always say there’s no Mrs. Disco Star?”
part two