Kids work and other things
Kids are great. Looking forward to the end of yet another school year. Hard to believe that Garion starts his SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL in the fall. OMG, I haven't felt quite so many feelings all at once since the day I gave birth to him and we aren't yet at the graduation ceremony. This coming year is going to be difficult fo me and I have no idea what condition I'll be in when he actually DOES graduate.
Logan turned 14 a week ago and it was harder for me this year than it was when he turned 13. I've thought about it. When he turned 13, he still looked like a child, a little boy. He now stands over 5' 10" tall and has lost the little boy look. He is all young man now. He, being my baby, is the last my kids to transition into young adulthood. While I am proud of everything my kids have done and I really like the people they are becoming, it has hit me like a brick wall that they are moving ever closer to the day when they will strike out on their own (so to speak. I'll still be close enough to get to them within 24 hours if they need me)and that I am having to let go more and more, sooner than I want to do it.
Laney hardly looks like a child any more and will be getting her learner's permit this summer. That means 2 kids behind tghe wheels of cars. While they have shown me that they take the whole driving thing very seriously and are responsible, it is hard to come to terms with the fact that they are not the charming little people they once were.
Jozer, if you are reading this, here is one for your memoirs- a certain little blond child with crystal blue eyes painted "Orion Slave Girl" green wearing a "baby belly dancer" costume that matched that of her equally green painted mother, chasing her 5 year old and 2 year old brothers down the halls of an Orlando hotel switching their legs with another club member's riding crop-was they your crop, or had you taken from some one else? Those days seem like they are just last year, but in reality, they are 12 years gone by. She certainly was the cutest little Orion Slave Girl anyone had ever seen.
And that takes care of the Kids part of today's title. Pressing on to work....
I am having trouble with frustration. The cause of which are my coworkers. My position is such thgat I literally spend all of my work time supporting them. I make sure they have all teh support tools, information and documentation they need to succeed, write all the office procfesses so they know, against what, their productivity will be measured, answer their technical and process questions as they ask them,rearrange time and space to balance call volume spike coverage with getting them breaks and lunches, participate on the committee that does all of the little programs- and some of the bigger ones- to let them know they are appreciated by the company in an attempt to maintain morale. It frustrates and bothers me, then, when a handful of these same people view me as the cause of all evil because they didn't get the break or lunch time that they wanted, due to cal volume spikes, urge them to follow the rules and processes as set down in the employee handbook, review call tickets and logs- in an attempt to prove the the quality hit was not our fault, and end up needing to reccommend them for retraining- done to help the individual develop as a tech rep. Everything I do is seen as attempt to "keep the call taking agent down." I'm tired of having to defend myself to the team lead and HR because some one's lunch was 40 minutes later than they wanted it to be. I'm tired of people talking about me behind my back. If they only knew how "connected" I am and how easily all of their trash talk gets back to me, yet I never let htem know I am aware of what they have said, or treat them any differently. I am tired of taking the higher road. JUST ONCE I would love to be able to tell some of them exactly how big a screw-up they really are and make them cry in the middle of the production floor. -- Well, it felt good to get that out.
OK, "Other stuff." For the first time in more than a decade, my mother has actually invited me to the big family get together celebrating Motgher's Day.It will, weather permitting with subtropical storm Anderea off the Atlantic coast of Florida/Georgia, be a day out on one of their boats. My parenmts have about 5 boats, 4 of which sleep 4-8 people. It is one of those that we are planning to spend the day enjoying. I don't do sun well and am not a big fan of water, but I'll put all that aside for this. It has been a very long time since I was included in anything the "family" did and I am not letting this go. Stupid though I may be, I am still hopeful of the day when I may actually develop a relationship with my mother that is something better, deeper and more meaningful than "cautiously polite."
Looking back at my journal, it has been almost 9 months since my life was turned upside down from medical issues which first reared their ugly heads in the way of a collapse at the office. I'm still here. I'm still fighting this, I'm adjusting to some pretty radical changes in my life, but I'm managing. I haven't let my kids see me give in or give up and that is what matters. I'll get all of this back under control eventually. I'm determined to. In the mean time, my kids will know that I don't intend to let this stand in the way of living my life and being as involved in their lives just as much as I always hae been.
Which brings me to the end of today's entry.