(no subject)
Maybe you're like me.
You're sitting on your couch, watching a television program. Some commercials come on. Then you hear that annoying little music that you know signals the coming of the anti-christ. Okay, maybe not anything THAT bad, but surely the coming of the most annoying/creepy TV kid since that freakin' Pepsi girl. (Whatever happened to her, anyway? Nevermind. Don't answer that. I don't really want to know.)
Anyhow, then the freakin' kid's face is in YOUR face, filling the screen in all her awkward kiddishness and she's going, "I collect BUGS!" And you're like, "Wow, that's-" and you don't even get through the rest of that thought, 'cos then hell-kid finishes that first statement by emphasizing, "DEAD bugs!"
Like there's ANY way to save it from that point?! I mean, put a fork in it. That sucker's done. Your commercial is just lame and ridiculous right THEN. But no, it's obviously not lame or ridiculous ENOUGH, because they go and make it worse. That really fucking annoying music is still going on in the background, only now you see the kid delighting in her "DEAD bugs!" Of course, you're not really even focusing on what she's doing or saying at this point, because you're too busy sobbing in the corner with the knowledge that if this kid was REAL and not an advertising gimmick - my GOD, she'd have the worst childhood EVER. She'd be the kid that the other kids superglue to the ceiling. You'd think that would be pretty hard for grade school kids to master, but I swear - put THIS kid in a room with a bunch of grade schoolers and they will DEFY GRAVITY to get her superglued up there.
Then she says that she sends these dead bugs to her friends, as she's sending an image to one of these "friends" via e-mail. I'm not sure what's more amazing: That she has "friends" or that these "friends" haven't blocked her e-mails and reported her to her ISP yet. Seriously. If any of you people ever send me JPGs of dead freaking bugs, that's it. I'm going super-ninja on your asses. Like I need that kind of shit in my inbox? Like ANYONE does?
Oh, but we're not done yet. It's time for the coup de grace. The kid looks proudly at the camera, pointing at a carcass of some kind, and says, "the THORAX!" really cockily. I really never thought the word "thorax" would make me want to vomit quite so much. I mean, it's one of those words you hardly ever hear. I never even thought about the potential horror of this word until Satan put it in this commercial.
But STILL there's more!!! The swan song is this kid gazing into the camera and saying, "What can I say? I'm very PASSIONATE." Yeah. It's got NOTHING on how passionate I am about getting this F-ing commercial taken out of commission. I wasn't even THIS annoyed by the Pepsi girl. At least she just drank a Pepsi. She didn't play with dead things and talk down to me about "the THORAX!"
Seriously, if this kid was real, she'd grow up to be one of the few female serial killers in existence. She's THAT freakin' creepy. Get her OFF my friggin' TV, you ad fools, before I need serious psychological counseling from seeing this commercial every bloody night. Who decided to put this kid on TV? Who wrote this commercial? Who decided to put THIS kid IN this commercial? Whoever's responsible for this, I hope they're out of a job soon. Or dead.
*stabbity*stabbity*stab*
You're sitting on your couch, watching a television program. Some commercials come on. Then you hear that annoying little music that you know signals the coming of the anti-christ. Okay, maybe not anything THAT bad, but surely the coming of the most annoying/creepy TV kid since that freakin' Pepsi girl. (Whatever happened to her, anyway? Nevermind. Don't answer that. I don't really want to know.)
Anyhow, then the freakin' kid's face is in YOUR face, filling the screen in all her awkward kiddishness and she's going, "I collect BUGS!" And you're like, "Wow, that's-" and you don't even get through the rest of that thought, 'cos then hell-kid finishes that first statement by emphasizing, "DEAD bugs!"
Like there's ANY way to save it from that point?! I mean, put a fork in it. That sucker's done. Your commercial is just lame and ridiculous right THEN. But no, it's obviously not lame or ridiculous ENOUGH, because they go and make it worse. That really fucking annoying music is still going on in the background, only now you see the kid delighting in her "DEAD bugs!" Of course, you're not really even focusing on what she's doing or saying at this point, because you're too busy sobbing in the corner with the knowledge that if this kid was REAL and not an advertising gimmick - my GOD, she'd have the worst childhood EVER. She'd be the kid that the other kids superglue to the ceiling. You'd think that would be pretty hard for grade school kids to master, but I swear - put THIS kid in a room with a bunch of grade schoolers and they will DEFY GRAVITY to get her superglued up there.
Then she says that she sends these dead bugs to her friends, as she's sending an image to one of these "friends" via e-mail. I'm not sure what's more amazing: That she has "friends" or that these "friends" haven't blocked her e-mails and reported her to her ISP yet. Seriously. If any of you people ever send me JPGs of dead freaking bugs, that's it. I'm going super-ninja on your asses. Like I need that kind of shit in my inbox? Like ANYONE does?
Oh, but we're not done yet. It's time for the coup de grace. The kid looks proudly at the camera, pointing at a carcass of some kind, and says, "the THORAX!" really cockily. I really never thought the word "thorax" would make me want to vomit quite so much. I mean, it's one of those words you hardly ever hear. I never even thought about the potential horror of this word until Satan put it in this commercial.
But STILL there's more!!! The swan song is this kid gazing into the camera and saying, "What can I say? I'm very PASSIONATE." Yeah. It's got NOTHING on how passionate I am about getting this F-ing commercial taken out of commission. I wasn't even THIS annoyed by the Pepsi girl. At least she just drank a Pepsi. She didn't play with dead things and talk down to me about "the THORAX!"
Seriously, if this kid was real, she'd grow up to be one of the few female serial killers in existence. She's THAT freakin' creepy. Get her OFF my friggin' TV, you ad fools, before I need serious psychological counseling from seeing this commercial every bloody night. Who decided to put this kid on TV? Who wrote this commercial? Who decided to put THIS kid IN this commercial? Whoever's responsible for this, I hope they're out of a job soon. Or dead.
*stabbity*stabbity*stab*