MICHIGAN VS. FLORIDA
Dear Diary:
Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Michigan.
It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are
so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my
front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in
the seasons. This is truly God's Country.
Oct. 14 - Michigan is such a
gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on
Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors.
I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows,
they are so bright.
I want to walk through all of the beautiful
hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so
graceful, certainly they must be the
most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.
Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week.
I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these
elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace
and tranquility here in Michigan. I hope it snows soon.
I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke
to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a
beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It
looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow
from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and
refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow
came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the
driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end
of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in
harmony. I love it here!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow
did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter
wonderland. I love it here!
Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to
get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling.
And that snowplow!
Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got blisters
on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow
driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway.
Asshole.
Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get
my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear
I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt
this crap??
Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been
inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry"
comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows.
Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea
how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??
Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt
until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the
shit head actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told
him I'd broken 6 already this season.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some
food and a god damn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard.
It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed.
The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.
Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow
into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the
front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old
piece of shit
into fireplace wood when I had the chance.
May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole
underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump
on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow shit.
JUNE 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida. I can't imagine
why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God
forsaken State of Michigan.