Forgive and Forget (Chapter 16)
Chapter 16: Give and Take
so I can tell you how
much I adore you
sweat kisses of caring
my heart pounding
your womanly scent
my mind searching for yours
lie here with me, let me
hold you in my arms
until morning comes
bring with it a new day
touch each other softly
before we have to go
our different ways
let's just stay here
take this moment,
to feel the love we
have for one another
~ From "Valentine" by Joseph Mayo Wristen
"Tomorrow morning we have to go back to the real world."
"Yes, I know."
"It feels like this week just flew by, doesn't it?" Hermione asked, rolling onto her side and propping her head up with her elbow.
Draco nodded, struggling to suppress a yawn. He and Hermione had not wasted a moment of their Saturday afternoon, spending it sailing, flying, and walking on the beach. All the fresh air and activity had left him feeling knackered, but Hermione's scantily-clad presence in his bed made certain parts of his body feel simultaneously alert.
"So, what do you feel like doing on our last night in paradise?" he asked, eyeing her suggestively.
"Paradise?" Hermione repeated skeptically. "Is that what you call it? Do they serve overcooked steak in paradise?"
"Hey! You promised you would never mention that again!"
Draco found it hard to be angry with her, though; the cooking disaster had been too ridiculous not to laugh at.
"Besides," he added, "that incident just proves that cooking is an activity better left to women and House-Elves."
Hermione opened her mouth to issue a protest to his chauvinistic remark, but Draco didn't give her the chance to speak. Grinning mischievously, he grabbed Hermione around her shoulders and pushed her flat on her back, pinning her to the bed beneath him. Then, he tickled her until she was shrieking with laughter.
"Stop! Draco, I c-can't breathe!" she gasped.
Finally, Draco relented. He didn't give Hermione much time to catch her breath, however, because he quickly became aware of the fact that her night shirt had ridden up to her waist during the tussle. This meant that he was straddling her hips, with only the silk of his boxers and the cotton of her panties in between the pertinent parts of their bodies. His veins pulsing with desire, he bent down to cover her panting mouth with his.
For a few moments, Hermione returned the kiss, eagerly wrapping her arms around his torso and hugging his body more tightly against hers. Draco ran his hands up and down her bare legs, luxuriating in the softness of her skin, and the satisfied purrs that his touch drew from her throat. However, when his hands slid higher, preparing to delve beneath her night shirt, Hermione suddenly broke their kiss.
"No," she whispered. "If we start that I don't think I'll be able to stop."
"And how is that a problem, exactly?"
Hermione didn’t answer. Instead she sighed, gently pushing against Draco's chest in a silent bid for him to allow her to sit up. Reluctantly, he complied, and rolled aside so she was free to slide over to her side of the bed. This time, he did not follow her. Instead, he lay there in frustration, wishing he had never allowed her to spend the night with him in the first place. It just complicated their situation even further.
"Why are we doing this to ourselves?" he whispered.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, startling him. He hadn't realized he had spoken his thought aloud.
"I mean, why are we torturing ourselves like this? Why are we spending all of this time together - doing all of these things together - when we know it can't last?"
Hermione raised her eyebrows at this, scooting closer to him so she could make out the details of his face in the semi-darkness.
"It bothers you, then?" she asked. "As much as it bothers me?"
Draco nodded, and Hermione's shoulders seemed to sag with relief.
"I thought I was the only one who felt that way," she said. It was Draco's turn to raise his eyebrows at her.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...I just thought I was the only one who had a problem with the idea that this has to end someday. I thought it would be easy for you, just to pick up and move on to the next girl once you were finished with me...that it would be easy for you to forget about me and all the things we've done together."
Draco shook his head and stroked his fingers down the side of her cheek, an uncharacteristically tender gesture he had only performed on a few occasions in his life - all of them with her.
"Do you really think I could forget you that easily?" he murmured. "Merlin, Hermione, I can't even get you out of my head half the time. Not to mention the fact that other parts of my body are usually preoccupied with you as well. You get under my skin-and not just because you annoy the hell out of me sometimes, which I'll admit, you still do. But you get under my skin in nice ways, too. I've never wanted-never needed-someone as badly as I need you."
Hermione's eyes widened in shock at Draco's confession that he actually needed someone-needed her, of all people. He couldn't blame her for being surprised. To be honest, it surprised him, too.
"Why?" she breathed, her eyes scanning Draco's face as if she was assessing a particularly challenging Arithmancy problem. "Why do you need me?"
Draco's tried to think of an accurate response to her question. The answer was, like their relationship, multi-layered and complex. So, he focused on the part that was easiest for him to understand-the physical aspect of his need for her.
"I need you because...because ever since that night, one month ago, I keep remembering the way it felt to be with you, inside you. And sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I can't feel that way again."
"So it's merely a physical need?" Hermione asked, frowning slightly.
"No. It's more than that. It's...gods, how do I say this? I - I don't really have any experience talking about this stuff."
Draco sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He felt stupid and awkward and embarrassed sharing his feelings with Hermione. He had never been this open with a girl before...hell, he had never been this open with anyone before. But he needed to make her understand that she was more than just a good shag to him. So he took a deep breath and forced himself to plow onward.
"Hermione, you challenge me, more than anyone else ever has," he said. "You...balance me out, somehow. I don't know how to describe it. And you accept me, in spite of things I've done in the past. When I'm with you, I know I can be myself and you won't judge me...well, any more than I deserve to be judged, at least."
Draco paused, turning so that he was facing Hermione fully, meeting her eyes.
"I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense to you. Frankly, it doesn't make much sense to me. All I know is that I like my life better with you in it."
As Draco stumbled through the last words of his speech, he was surprised to note that Hermione's eyes were shining with tears.
Great, he thought to himself, I've managed to say something to upset her.
"Hermione, I'm sorry I - "
Draco was unable to finish his apology, however, because Hermione was suddenly pressing her lips against his, stilling them. He kissed her back, sampling the salty flavor of her tears, before he pulled away, gazing at her in confusion.
"Don't stop," Hermione whispered. "Please don't stop."
Draco stared at her. Her smile reassured him that her tears had been happy ones, but he was no less baffled by her sudden willingness to be physical with him again.
"Don't stop what?" he asked.
As if to answer his question, Hermione suddenly sat upright and pulled her night shirt up over head, tossing it on the floor. Then, she bent down to kiss him once more, tracing his upper lip with the tip of her tongue. She shifted her body over so she was pressed up against him, wrapping her leg over his hips, and Draco felt his arousal stirring as he realized her intentions. Trying to be gentle in spite of his eagerness, he slipped his hands up her side and began stroking her hips. Hermione hummed her approval, her mouth still melded to his. Encouraged by her response, Draco's hands explored further, finding her breasts. He circled one nipple with his thumb and felt it harden beneath his touch. Hermione gasped and arched into him, digging her fingernails into his back in a way that caused him to elicit a gasp in return.
Before his brain could become any more clouded with desire, Draco withdrew from their kiss, his grey eyes boring intently into Hermione's brown ones.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes," she said, still a bit breathless from their kiss. "This is what I want, Draco."
"Why?" Draco pressed, echoing the question she had asked him just minutes before.
"Because you also challenge me in a way no one has ever been able to challenge me before. Because, in spite of the roller coaster ride my emotions have been on these past few months, and all the times I pulled away from you, you never gave up on me. Because I can't forget the night we spent together, and how amazing it felt to be with you. And because...because I like my life better with you in it, too."
In spite of having no clue what a roller coaster was, Draco felt he grasped the overall concept of Hermione's words. With a brief smile, he captured her mouth with his again. She responded immediately, kissing him back with an urgency that mirrored his own. Quickly, he retrieved his hawthorn wand from the nightstand and used it to cast a Contraceptive Charm on Hermione before tossing it aside and returning to her arms. However, to his immense disappointment, she pulled away from him.
"Wait," she gasped, breathing heavily. Draco's heart sank, thinking that she had once more decided that she wasn't ready to proceed. .
"What is it?" he asked, trying not to sound frustrated.
"Not here," she whispered. "I don't want to do this here."
"Where exactly did you have in mind?" Draco asked, confused by her sudden wish to change the location of their tryst. Frankly, he could care less where they went, as long as it involved the two of them getting naked and shagging like rabbits. On the beach, on top of the roof, floating in his sailboat...hell, he would happily shag her on the front steps of Hogwarts and not give a damn about the consequences.
"Draco, will you take me down into the labyrinth?" Hermione asked. "To the handfasting temple?"
"You want to go down into the cave?" Draco asked in surprise. "Why?"
"I...don't know," she said. "I just want you to take me there. Please?"
She gazed up at Draco, her eyes dark with longing, as she dragged her hips along his hardened length. That settled the question for him. Quickly, Draco sat up, leapt out of the bed, and strode across the room, pulling Hermione along behind him.
"Wait!" Hermione whispered. "It'll be cold down there. We need robes and slippers."
Draco thought he was going to scream in exasperation if he had to wait any longer, but not wanting to waste any time arguing with her, he pulled on his grey silk robe and house slippers. Hermione dug out her own robe and slippers, though she didn't bother to put her night shirt back on, and soon the two of them were tiptoeing down the stairs, Draco directing them to areas he knew wouldn't creak beneath their feet. They snuck past the kitchen, not wanting to wake Dinky, who slept in the adjacent servant's quarters. Finally, they reached the library and Draco spoke the necessary incantations to open the bookshelf and reveal the archway leading into the darkness below.
Draco lit his wand and grasped Hermione's hand in his, leading the way down the narrow winding staircase. He moved as fast as he could in the dark, without causing them to stumble and fall on the crumbling stone steps. When they reached the bottom, he navigated the tunnels, still holding Hermione's hand as they walked together in silence. When they finally emerged in the handfasting cave, Draco raised his wand to light the room, but Hermione got to it first, using her elemental magic to ignite the cisterns lining the chamber. The walls of the cave sprang into light, revealing the diagrams, symbols, and overlapping handprints in bold, sparkling colors against the black stone.
As with every time Draco entered this space, he felt the tingle of magic in the air surrounding him, but this time, it felt different than before. This time, the magic felt like thousands of tiny, invisible threads tugging him in one direction - towards Hermione. He found the sensation both frightening and exhilarating, but gave into it immediately, swinging her around and shoving her gently against the wall of the cave. He stepped forward so that his body was pressed against hers, and took her mouth possessively with his own.
Hermione gasped as he placed his hands beneath her backside and lifted her upwards, balancing her against the wall while she wrapped her legs around his hips in order to hold herself in place. Draco's knees almost buckled when she started to rock her hips against his, stimulating him in spite of the underclothes trapped in between them. He adjusted Hermione so that he was bearing her weight on one arm, leaving his other hand free to slip down and stroke her through the moist cloth of her panties. He didn't know if it was the soft, guttural sound she made as he did this, or the erotic images moving on the walls of the cave, but he felt a primal urge rush through him at that moment. Pulling away from their kiss, he bent down and fastened his mouth on her right breast, which was peeking out from the folds of her blue satin robe. Hermione's hips jerked spasmodically against his, and he let out a primitive growl that would have embarrassed him under any other circumstances, but which was currently lost in his intense rush of need for the woman in his arms.
Draco suddenly grasped both of Hermione's hands in his own, lacing his fingers through hers and pinning her arms above her head as he leaned forward, using his weight to continue holding her up against the wall. She let out a moan of pleasure, and he knew that he had been right: she liked it when he unleashed his "inner caveman". When Hermione's eyes met his, they were still burning with desire, but they also carried another emotion Draco had never noticed in them before. Whatever it was, it made his heart beat faster in his chest, transforming some of his lust into something else - something infinitely more powerful...
And that was when it happened.
Draco gasped as he suddenly felt an electric jolt pass through his body, beginning with where his hands were joined with Hermione's, shooting through his arms, all the way down to his toes, before returning to his hands. Hermione let out a small cry of surprise, and he knew the jolt had passed into her. He quickly dropped his grip on her hands and set her down on the ground. She clutched at his arm to steady herself, looking as shaken as Draco felt.
"What the hell just happened?" he asked.
"I don't know," Hermione whispered, shaking her head.
"You felt it too?"
Hermione nodded, and then suddenly gasped, her eyes widening as she stared at the cave wall behind them. Following her line of vision, Draco saw two new sets of handprints on the wall, joining the many others that glowed incandescently in the firelight. One of the handprints was smaller and painted in gold, while the larger pair was painted in silver. Hermione reached up and pressed her hands against them, and he saw that the smaller set of handprints matched hers perfectly. He had a feeling that the larger set would match his.
"I think it happened when we pressed our hands up against the wall," Hermione murmured. "I bet it was the cave's magic that did it."
Recalling that the purpose of the cave was for the conduction of marriage rituals, Draco had a sudden, terrifying thought.
"We aren't married now, are we?" he asked, unable to disguise the note of panic in his voice.
"No. We would have had to exchange vows in front of a priest or priestess for that to be the case. Although, I suppose it's possible the cave formed a different sort of bond between us."
Draco frowned, not finding this thought any more reassuring than an unintentional marriage. He did not like the idea of being magically bound to anyone, not even to Hermione. However, Hermione was clearly beginning to relax about the whole situation.
"I don't feel any different," she said. "Whatever the spell was, it obviously hasn't caused us any harm. I think I'll do some research when we return to Hogwarts, and try to find out more about the cave's magic, and what it does."
"Of course," Draco muttered, still feeling a bit edgy, “the answer to every problem in the universe can be found in the Hogwarts library."
"Relax," Hermione whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist and giving him a soft kiss. "Everything is going to be fine."
She nuzzled his neck with her lips, and in spite of his concern over what had just occurred, Draco found himself recalling the reason that they had come down to the cave in the first place. Sensing his renewed desire, Hermione smiled up at him, and then stepped back, untying her robe and letting it slide off her shoulders to pool at her feet. Then she gracefully slid her knickers down over hips, discarding them as well.
Draco drew in a sharp breath as he took in the sight of Hermione's naked form, the firelight flickering over her skin and in her hair, which hung loose around her shoulders. He shivered, despite the fact that the air in the cave was surprisingly ambient. Hermione motioned for Draco to come closer, and standing in the center of the ancient cave, with the shadows dancing mysteriously across her face, Draco thought she looked like a pagan goddess trying to lure a hapless mortal into her arms. He felt himself being drawn inexplicably towards her, like a magnet to metal.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he murmured uncertainly. His actions belied his words, however, because he was currently running his hands down Hermione's sides, tracing her feminine curves.
"Yes," Hermione breathed, untying and removing his own robe and adding it to the pile of clothes on the floor, “I think this is a very good idea. Don't worry, I don't think we'll unlock anymore of the cave's spells. Although, I think we'll need to make a few adjustments to this place, in order to accommodate what I have in mind."
Before Draco could ask her what exactly she had in mind, she removed her wand from the pocket of her discarded robe and waved it in the air over the stone altar that stood in the center of the room. It instantly transformed into a large, luxurious bed with white sheets and fluffy pillows. Draco raised his eyebrows at her, impressed by the magic she had just accomplished.
"One of the more useful transfiguration spells I've learned over the years - more useful than turning a mouse into a tea kettle anyway," Hermione said with a shrug.
"Indeed," Draco acknowledged, watching as she stowed her wand away and returned to the task of removing his clothes. He allowed her to remove his boxers, leaving him as naked as she was. He shook his head as she stood there, licking her lips and raking her eyes up and down his body, clearly satisfied by what she saw.
"You really know how to make a bloke feel like a piece of meat," Draco teased, even as he felt himself hardening beneath the intensity of her gaze.
Hermione smiled, her eyes dilating somewhat as she saw the evidence of Draco's desire, but she made no response to his comment. Instead, she led him over to the newly-transfigured bed, laying on the white blankets and pulling him down with her. Draco rested his head on the pillow beside her, running his fingers through her hair, but he was hesitant to do anything more.
For some reason he could not explain, Draco was suddenly afraid to sleep with Hermione again. It was extremely strange and uncharacteristic of him to be reluctant about sex, but somehow he knew that this time would be different than the last - that this time, he would be giving her a part of himself that he could never get back. Hermione gave him a reassuring smile before pressing her lips against his in a gentle kiss.
"Make love to me," she whispered, cupping his face in her hands.
Draco swallowed nervously.
"I - I've never actually made love to anyone before," he stammered. "I mean, obviously I'm no virgin...I mean I've shagged plenty of times before, but ...."
Draco paused, feeling oddly embarrassed. Of course he had shagged a fair amount of women, though in reality, probably not as many as Hermione believed he had. But he had never made love to any of them. It had never been more than a physical experience for him. Even that frenzied night he had spent with Hermione a month ago, while more emotionally-charged than most of his sexual encounters, had still not been what he would consider "making love".
"It's okay," Hermione murmured. "I can show you how."
As usual, Draco tried to hide his embarrassment and uncertainty behind a scowl.
"There's no need for you to patronize me," he snapped, causing Hermione to give an impatient sigh.
"I'm not patronizing you, Draco. Look, you taught me how to be a better broom flier, remember? And you taught me how to get over my fear of heights. Let me teach you this."
Hermione's eyes were so full of earnest longing that Draco found himself nodding his agreement.
Without another word, Hermione crawled up to straddle Draco's hips. At first he did not appreciate the fact that this put her in a position of dominance over him, but when he saw the generous view of her figure that this arrangement afforded, he had no desire to complain. He caught a flash of gold at her neck and noticed for the first time that she was wearing the rose necklace he had given her for Christmas. For some reason, this made him smile, and alleviated some of his nerves. As Hermione leaned forward, the rose charm swung hypnotically in between them, like the pendulum of a clock.
When Hermione began to kiss him once again, Draco had a difficult time thinking clearly. It was unlike any kiss he had ever given or received. Their lips moved together in a slow and sensual dance, their hands gliding over each other's bodies with aching tenderness, until Hermione finally pulled away. She replaced her roving hands with her mouth, showering every inch of him with kisses that seemed to burn his flesh from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, before she returned to his lips once more.
"This seems a bit one-sided," Draco murmured, his words somewhat muffled against Hermione's mouth. "It's not fair to you, to be the one giving all of the pleasure while I just lie here taking it like this."
If Hermione was surprised or amused by his sudden, uncharacteristic desire to be fair, she made no indication of it. Instead, she shook her head and gave him a sad little smile.
"You still don't get it, do you?" she said. "You still think that the only way to find happiness or pleasure is to take it from someone else. Making love isn't a game, Draco. There isn't a winner or a loser, and it's not only about receiving pleasure. You don't realize what a beautiful thing it is, to be the one creating it, to be the one giving happiness to someone else."
With these words, Hermione slowly lowered her hips down onto Draco's, sheathing him inside of her warm body and causing both of them to let out a soft groan. When she moved, raising and lowering herself against him, her motions were torturously slow - almost languid. Draco bucked his hips impatiently, wanting to go faster, but Hermione held him back.
"Relax," she whispered.
"I can't relax," Draco hissed. "You're driving me crazy. How am I supposed to find release if you move that slow?"
"It's not a race, Draco. Stop worrying about getting to the finish line. Just for tonight, pretend that we have all the time in the world."
Hermione picked up one of Draco's hands and drew his index finger into her mouth, sucking it gently before repeating the same act with each of his other fingers. Draco felt his body turning into mush as she wrapped her silky tongue around his pinkie finger, gently nipping the tip of it between her teeth. Hermione arched one eyebrow at him, and the next time she lowered herself onto him, she added a little swirl of her hips that made Draco momentarily forgot how to breathe.
"You're going to kill me if you keep this up," he managed to wrench out.
She raised her hips and then lowered them once again, squeezing her thighs together to take him in deeper, and Draco practically sobbed with pleasure, thinking that at that moment, he would happily compose his own epitaph and accept a sweet death at Hermione's hands.
Draco couldn't say how long he and Hermione laid there, making love to each other. It could have been hours; it could have been several years. He couldn't keep track of time, lost as he was in a cloud of sensations. Time and space ceased to exist, until he felt his whole life had always consisted of nothing but this: the scent of roses and feminine musk, the flicker of firelight on chestnut curls, the sound of rasping breaths echoing in a cave, and eyes that shimmered like liquid brown pools.
Yet most of all, Draco would never forget the feel of Hermione, as she moved rhythmically on top of him, as if to the beat of an ancient drum, bringing both of them closer to an earth-shattering crescendo. They moved together in an age-old dance, giving and taking from each other as generations of lovers had done in this cave and in the world outside of it.
Finally, Draco's breath hitched, and every muscle in his body tensed as he felt his impending climax. Hermione's cheeks were flushed, and he could tell from the erratic movement of her hips that she, too, was close to completion. He held himself back, wanting to wait for her before he allowed himself to go over the edge.
"Draco," Hermione gasped, her breathing labored from her efforts, “just...let go."
And Draco did, thrusting up into her with all of his remaining strength, holding her tightly to him as if by doing so, he could somehow stop time, and keep them in this moment forever. He didn't know if it was the cave's ancient powers, or some other force at work, but for a brief moment, he thought he could sense the magic coursing through his veins and Hermione's, running back and forth between them like a subtler version of the jolt they had experienced earlier. Then he was swallowed up by the most intense orgasm of his life, falling into the abyss and dragging Hermione with him, so that both of their cries echoed in unison off the walls of the stone chamber.
Hermione collapsed on top of Draco and lay there, shaky and limp from the exertion of their love-making. Draco, despite feeling a bit boneless himself, managed to pull the bed sheets over both of them, shifting Hermione so that she was nestled comfortably against his chest. He brushed the sweat-dampened curls off of her face and kissed her forehead, and after a few minutes, her eyes drifted closed. Draco had nearly succumbed to sleep himself, when Hermione suddenly mumbled something, bringing him back to wakeful awareness. Her voice was slurred with fatigue, but the words were still discernable.
"I love you, Draco."
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Table of Contents
so I can tell you how
much I adore you
sweat kisses of caring
my heart pounding
your womanly scent
my mind searching for yours
lie here with me, let me
hold you in my arms
until morning comes
bring with it a new day
touch each other softly
before we have to go
our different ways
let's just stay here
take this moment,
to feel the love we
have for one another
~ From "Valentine" by Joseph Mayo Wristen
"Tomorrow morning we have to go back to the real world."
"Yes, I know."
"It feels like this week just flew by, doesn't it?" Hermione asked, rolling onto her side and propping her head up with her elbow.
Draco nodded, struggling to suppress a yawn. He and Hermione had not wasted a moment of their Saturday afternoon, spending it sailing, flying, and walking on the beach. All the fresh air and activity had left him feeling knackered, but Hermione's scantily-clad presence in his bed made certain parts of his body feel simultaneously alert.
"So, what do you feel like doing on our last night in paradise?" he asked, eyeing her suggestively.
"Paradise?" Hermione repeated skeptically. "Is that what you call it? Do they serve overcooked steak in paradise?"
"Hey! You promised you would never mention that again!"
Draco found it hard to be angry with her, though; the cooking disaster had been too ridiculous not to laugh at.
"Besides," he added, "that incident just proves that cooking is an activity better left to women and House-Elves."
Hermione opened her mouth to issue a protest to his chauvinistic remark, but Draco didn't give her the chance to speak. Grinning mischievously, he grabbed Hermione around her shoulders and pushed her flat on her back, pinning her to the bed beneath him. Then, he tickled her until she was shrieking with laughter.
"Stop! Draco, I c-can't breathe!" she gasped.
Finally, Draco relented. He didn't give Hermione much time to catch her breath, however, because he quickly became aware of the fact that her night shirt had ridden up to her waist during the tussle. This meant that he was straddling her hips, with only the silk of his boxers and the cotton of her panties in between the pertinent parts of their bodies. His veins pulsing with desire, he bent down to cover her panting mouth with his.
For a few moments, Hermione returned the kiss, eagerly wrapping her arms around his torso and hugging his body more tightly against hers. Draco ran his hands up and down her bare legs, luxuriating in the softness of her skin, and the satisfied purrs that his touch drew from her throat. However, when his hands slid higher, preparing to delve beneath her night shirt, Hermione suddenly broke their kiss.
"No," she whispered. "If we start that I don't think I'll be able to stop."
"And how is that a problem, exactly?"
Hermione didn’t answer. Instead she sighed, gently pushing against Draco's chest in a silent bid for him to allow her to sit up. Reluctantly, he complied, and rolled aside so she was free to slide over to her side of the bed. This time, he did not follow her. Instead, he lay there in frustration, wishing he had never allowed her to spend the night with him in the first place. It just complicated their situation even further.
"Why are we doing this to ourselves?" he whispered.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, startling him. He hadn't realized he had spoken his thought aloud.
"I mean, why are we torturing ourselves like this? Why are we spending all of this time together - doing all of these things together - when we know it can't last?"
Hermione raised her eyebrows at this, scooting closer to him so she could make out the details of his face in the semi-darkness.
"It bothers you, then?" she asked. "As much as it bothers me?"
Draco nodded, and Hermione's shoulders seemed to sag with relief.
"I thought I was the only one who felt that way," she said. It was Draco's turn to raise his eyebrows at her.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...I just thought I was the only one who had a problem with the idea that this has to end someday. I thought it would be easy for you, just to pick up and move on to the next girl once you were finished with me...that it would be easy for you to forget about me and all the things we've done together."
Draco shook his head and stroked his fingers down the side of her cheek, an uncharacteristically tender gesture he had only performed on a few occasions in his life - all of them with her.
"Do you really think I could forget you that easily?" he murmured. "Merlin, Hermione, I can't even get you out of my head half the time. Not to mention the fact that other parts of my body are usually preoccupied with you as well. You get under my skin-and not just because you annoy the hell out of me sometimes, which I'll admit, you still do. But you get under my skin in nice ways, too. I've never wanted-never needed-someone as badly as I need you."
Hermione's eyes widened in shock at Draco's confession that he actually needed someone-needed her, of all people. He couldn't blame her for being surprised. To be honest, it surprised him, too.
"Why?" she breathed, her eyes scanning Draco's face as if she was assessing a particularly challenging Arithmancy problem. "Why do you need me?"
Draco's tried to think of an accurate response to her question. The answer was, like their relationship, multi-layered and complex. So, he focused on the part that was easiest for him to understand-the physical aspect of his need for her.
"I need you because...because ever since that night, one month ago, I keep remembering the way it felt to be with you, inside you. And sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I can't feel that way again."
"So it's merely a physical need?" Hermione asked, frowning slightly.
"No. It's more than that. It's...gods, how do I say this? I - I don't really have any experience talking about this stuff."
Draco sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He felt stupid and awkward and embarrassed sharing his feelings with Hermione. He had never been this open with a girl before...hell, he had never been this open with anyone before. But he needed to make her understand that she was more than just a good shag to him. So he took a deep breath and forced himself to plow onward.
"Hermione, you challenge me, more than anyone else ever has," he said. "You...balance me out, somehow. I don't know how to describe it. And you accept me, in spite of things I've done in the past. When I'm with you, I know I can be myself and you won't judge me...well, any more than I deserve to be judged, at least."
Draco paused, turning so that he was facing Hermione fully, meeting her eyes.
"I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense to you. Frankly, it doesn't make much sense to me. All I know is that I like my life better with you in it."
As Draco stumbled through the last words of his speech, he was surprised to note that Hermione's eyes were shining with tears.
Great, he thought to himself, I've managed to say something to upset her.
"Hermione, I'm sorry I - "
Draco was unable to finish his apology, however, because Hermione was suddenly pressing her lips against his, stilling them. He kissed her back, sampling the salty flavor of her tears, before he pulled away, gazing at her in confusion.
"Don't stop," Hermione whispered. "Please don't stop."
Draco stared at her. Her smile reassured him that her tears had been happy ones, but he was no less baffled by her sudden willingness to be physical with him again.
"Don't stop what?" he asked.
As if to answer his question, Hermione suddenly sat upright and pulled her night shirt up over head, tossing it on the floor. Then, she bent down to kiss him once more, tracing his upper lip with the tip of her tongue. She shifted her body over so she was pressed up against him, wrapping her leg over his hips, and Draco felt his arousal stirring as he realized her intentions. Trying to be gentle in spite of his eagerness, he slipped his hands up her side and began stroking her hips. Hermione hummed her approval, her mouth still melded to his. Encouraged by her response, Draco's hands explored further, finding her breasts. He circled one nipple with his thumb and felt it harden beneath his touch. Hermione gasped and arched into him, digging her fingernails into his back in a way that caused him to elicit a gasp in return.
Before his brain could become any more clouded with desire, Draco withdrew from their kiss, his grey eyes boring intently into Hermione's brown ones.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes," she said, still a bit breathless from their kiss. "This is what I want, Draco."
"Why?" Draco pressed, echoing the question she had asked him just minutes before.
"Because you also challenge me in a way no one has ever been able to challenge me before. Because, in spite of the roller coaster ride my emotions have been on these past few months, and all the times I pulled away from you, you never gave up on me. Because I can't forget the night we spent together, and how amazing it felt to be with you. And because...because I like my life better with you in it, too."
In spite of having no clue what a roller coaster was, Draco felt he grasped the overall concept of Hermione's words. With a brief smile, he captured her mouth with his again. She responded immediately, kissing him back with an urgency that mirrored his own. Quickly, he retrieved his hawthorn wand from the nightstand and used it to cast a Contraceptive Charm on Hermione before tossing it aside and returning to her arms. However, to his immense disappointment, she pulled away from him.
"Wait," she gasped, breathing heavily. Draco's heart sank, thinking that she had once more decided that she wasn't ready to proceed. .
"What is it?" he asked, trying not to sound frustrated.
"Not here," she whispered. "I don't want to do this here."
"Where exactly did you have in mind?" Draco asked, confused by her sudden wish to change the location of their tryst. Frankly, he could care less where they went, as long as it involved the two of them getting naked and shagging like rabbits. On the beach, on top of the roof, floating in his sailboat...hell, he would happily shag her on the front steps of Hogwarts and not give a damn about the consequences.
"Draco, will you take me down into the labyrinth?" Hermione asked. "To the handfasting temple?"
"You want to go down into the cave?" Draco asked in surprise. "Why?"
"I...don't know," she said. "I just want you to take me there. Please?"
She gazed up at Draco, her eyes dark with longing, as she dragged her hips along his hardened length. That settled the question for him. Quickly, Draco sat up, leapt out of the bed, and strode across the room, pulling Hermione along behind him.
"Wait!" Hermione whispered. "It'll be cold down there. We need robes and slippers."
Draco thought he was going to scream in exasperation if he had to wait any longer, but not wanting to waste any time arguing with her, he pulled on his grey silk robe and house slippers. Hermione dug out her own robe and slippers, though she didn't bother to put her night shirt back on, and soon the two of them were tiptoeing down the stairs, Draco directing them to areas he knew wouldn't creak beneath their feet. They snuck past the kitchen, not wanting to wake Dinky, who slept in the adjacent servant's quarters. Finally, they reached the library and Draco spoke the necessary incantations to open the bookshelf and reveal the archway leading into the darkness below.
Draco lit his wand and grasped Hermione's hand in his, leading the way down the narrow winding staircase. He moved as fast as he could in the dark, without causing them to stumble and fall on the crumbling stone steps. When they reached the bottom, he navigated the tunnels, still holding Hermione's hand as they walked together in silence. When they finally emerged in the handfasting cave, Draco raised his wand to light the room, but Hermione got to it first, using her elemental magic to ignite the cisterns lining the chamber. The walls of the cave sprang into light, revealing the diagrams, symbols, and overlapping handprints in bold, sparkling colors against the black stone.
As with every time Draco entered this space, he felt the tingle of magic in the air surrounding him, but this time, it felt different than before. This time, the magic felt like thousands of tiny, invisible threads tugging him in one direction - towards Hermione. He found the sensation both frightening and exhilarating, but gave into it immediately, swinging her around and shoving her gently against the wall of the cave. He stepped forward so that his body was pressed against hers, and took her mouth possessively with his own.
Hermione gasped as he placed his hands beneath her backside and lifted her upwards, balancing her against the wall while she wrapped her legs around his hips in order to hold herself in place. Draco's knees almost buckled when she started to rock her hips against his, stimulating him in spite of the underclothes trapped in between them. He adjusted Hermione so that he was bearing her weight on one arm, leaving his other hand free to slip down and stroke her through the moist cloth of her panties. He didn't know if it was the soft, guttural sound she made as he did this, or the erotic images moving on the walls of the cave, but he felt a primal urge rush through him at that moment. Pulling away from their kiss, he bent down and fastened his mouth on her right breast, which was peeking out from the folds of her blue satin robe. Hermione's hips jerked spasmodically against his, and he let out a primitive growl that would have embarrassed him under any other circumstances, but which was currently lost in his intense rush of need for the woman in his arms.
Draco suddenly grasped both of Hermione's hands in his own, lacing his fingers through hers and pinning her arms above her head as he leaned forward, using his weight to continue holding her up against the wall. She let out a moan of pleasure, and he knew that he had been right: she liked it when he unleashed his "inner caveman". When Hermione's eyes met his, they were still burning with desire, but they also carried another emotion Draco had never noticed in them before. Whatever it was, it made his heart beat faster in his chest, transforming some of his lust into something else - something infinitely more powerful...
And that was when it happened.
Draco gasped as he suddenly felt an electric jolt pass through his body, beginning with where his hands were joined with Hermione's, shooting through his arms, all the way down to his toes, before returning to his hands. Hermione let out a small cry of surprise, and he knew the jolt had passed into her. He quickly dropped his grip on her hands and set her down on the ground. She clutched at his arm to steady herself, looking as shaken as Draco felt.
"What the hell just happened?" he asked.
"I don't know," Hermione whispered, shaking her head.
"You felt it too?"
Hermione nodded, and then suddenly gasped, her eyes widening as she stared at the cave wall behind them. Following her line of vision, Draco saw two new sets of handprints on the wall, joining the many others that glowed incandescently in the firelight. One of the handprints was smaller and painted in gold, while the larger pair was painted in silver. Hermione reached up and pressed her hands against them, and he saw that the smaller set of handprints matched hers perfectly. He had a feeling that the larger set would match his.
"I think it happened when we pressed our hands up against the wall," Hermione murmured. "I bet it was the cave's magic that did it."
Recalling that the purpose of the cave was for the conduction of marriage rituals, Draco had a sudden, terrifying thought.
"We aren't married now, are we?" he asked, unable to disguise the note of panic in his voice.
"No. We would have had to exchange vows in front of a priest or priestess for that to be the case. Although, I suppose it's possible the cave formed a different sort of bond between us."
Draco frowned, not finding this thought any more reassuring than an unintentional marriage. He did not like the idea of being magically bound to anyone, not even to Hermione. However, Hermione was clearly beginning to relax about the whole situation.
"I don't feel any different," she said. "Whatever the spell was, it obviously hasn't caused us any harm. I think I'll do some research when we return to Hogwarts, and try to find out more about the cave's magic, and what it does."
"Of course," Draco muttered, still feeling a bit edgy, “the answer to every problem in the universe can be found in the Hogwarts library."
"Relax," Hermione whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist and giving him a soft kiss. "Everything is going to be fine."
She nuzzled his neck with her lips, and in spite of his concern over what had just occurred, Draco found himself recalling the reason that they had come down to the cave in the first place. Sensing his renewed desire, Hermione smiled up at him, and then stepped back, untying her robe and letting it slide off her shoulders to pool at her feet. Then she gracefully slid her knickers down over hips, discarding them as well.
Draco drew in a sharp breath as he took in the sight of Hermione's naked form, the firelight flickering over her skin and in her hair, which hung loose around her shoulders. He shivered, despite the fact that the air in the cave was surprisingly ambient. Hermione motioned for Draco to come closer, and standing in the center of the ancient cave, with the shadows dancing mysteriously across her face, Draco thought she looked like a pagan goddess trying to lure a hapless mortal into her arms. He felt himself being drawn inexplicably towards her, like a magnet to metal.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he murmured uncertainly. His actions belied his words, however, because he was currently running his hands down Hermione's sides, tracing her feminine curves.
"Yes," Hermione breathed, untying and removing his own robe and adding it to the pile of clothes on the floor, “I think this is a very good idea. Don't worry, I don't think we'll unlock anymore of the cave's spells. Although, I think we'll need to make a few adjustments to this place, in order to accommodate what I have in mind."
Before Draco could ask her what exactly she had in mind, she removed her wand from the pocket of her discarded robe and waved it in the air over the stone altar that stood in the center of the room. It instantly transformed into a large, luxurious bed with white sheets and fluffy pillows. Draco raised his eyebrows at her, impressed by the magic she had just accomplished.
"One of the more useful transfiguration spells I've learned over the years - more useful than turning a mouse into a tea kettle anyway," Hermione said with a shrug.
"Indeed," Draco acknowledged, watching as she stowed her wand away and returned to the task of removing his clothes. He allowed her to remove his boxers, leaving him as naked as she was. He shook his head as she stood there, licking her lips and raking her eyes up and down his body, clearly satisfied by what she saw.
"You really know how to make a bloke feel like a piece of meat," Draco teased, even as he felt himself hardening beneath the intensity of her gaze.
Hermione smiled, her eyes dilating somewhat as she saw the evidence of Draco's desire, but she made no response to his comment. Instead, she led him over to the newly-transfigured bed, laying on the white blankets and pulling him down with her. Draco rested his head on the pillow beside her, running his fingers through her hair, but he was hesitant to do anything more.
For some reason he could not explain, Draco was suddenly afraid to sleep with Hermione again. It was extremely strange and uncharacteristic of him to be reluctant about sex, but somehow he knew that this time would be different than the last - that this time, he would be giving her a part of himself that he could never get back. Hermione gave him a reassuring smile before pressing her lips against his in a gentle kiss.
"Make love to me," she whispered, cupping his face in her hands.
Draco swallowed nervously.
"I - I've never actually made love to anyone before," he stammered. "I mean, obviously I'm no virgin...I mean I've shagged plenty of times before, but ...."
Draco paused, feeling oddly embarrassed. Of course he had shagged a fair amount of women, though in reality, probably not as many as Hermione believed he had. But he had never made love to any of them. It had never been more than a physical experience for him. Even that frenzied night he had spent with Hermione a month ago, while more emotionally-charged than most of his sexual encounters, had still not been what he would consider "making love".
"It's okay," Hermione murmured. "I can show you how."
As usual, Draco tried to hide his embarrassment and uncertainty behind a scowl.
"There's no need for you to patronize me," he snapped, causing Hermione to give an impatient sigh.
"I'm not patronizing you, Draco. Look, you taught me how to be a better broom flier, remember? And you taught me how to get over my fear of heights. Let me teach you this."
Hermione's eyes were so full of earnest longing that Draco found himself nodding his agreement.
Without another word, Hermione crawled up to straddle Draco's hips. At first he did not appreciate the fact that this put her in a position of dominance over him, but when he saw the generous view of her figure that this arrangement afforded, he had no desire to complain. He caught a flash of gold at her neck and noticed for the first time that she was wearing the rose necklace he had given her for Christmas. For some reason, this made him smile, and alleviated some of his nerves. As Hermione leaned forward, the rose charm swung hypnotically in between them, like the pendulum of a clock.
When Hermione began to kiss him once again, Draco had a difficult time thinking clearly. It was unlike any kiss he had ever given or received. Their lips moved together in a slow and sensual dance, their hands gliding over each other's bodies with aching tenderness, until Hermione finally pulled away. She replaced her roving hands with her mouth, showering every inch of him with kisses that seemed to burn his flesh from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, before she returned to his lips once more.
"This seems a bit one-sided," Draco murmured, his words somewhat muffled against Hermione's mouth. "It's not fair to you, to be the one giving all of the pleasure while I just lie here taking it like this."
If Hermione was surprised or amused by his sudden, uncharacteristic desire to be fair, she made no indication of it. Instead, she shook her head and gave him a sad little smile.
"You still don't get it, do you?" she said. "You still think that the only way to find happiness or pleasure is to take it from someone else. Making love isn't a game, Draco. There isn't a winner or a loser, and it's not only about receiving pleasure. You don't realize what a beautiful thing it is, to be the one creating it, to be the one giving happiness to someone else."
With these words, Hermione slowly lowered her hips down onto Draco's, sheathing him inside of her warm body and causing both of them to let out a soft groan. When she moved, raising and lowering herself against him, her motions were torturously slow - almost languid. Draco bucked his hips impatiently, wanting to go faster, but Hermione held him back.
"Relax," she whispered.
"I can't relax," Draco hissed. "You're driving me crazy. How am I supposed to find release if you move that slow?"
"It's not a race, Draco. Stop worrying about getting to the finish line. Just for tonight, pretend that we have all the time in the world."
Hermione picked up one of Draco's hands and drew his index finger into her mouth, sucking it gently before repeating the same act with each of his other fingers. Draco felt his body turning into mush as she wrapped her silky tongue around his pinkie finger, gently nipping the tip of it between her teeth. Hermione arched one eyebrow at him, and the next time she lowered herself onto him, she added a little swirl of her hips that made Draco momentarily forgot how to breathe.
"You're going to kill me if you keep this up," he managed to wrench out.
She raised her hips and then lowered them once again, squeezing her thighs together to take him in deeper, and Draco practically sobbed with pleasure, thinking that at that moment, he would happily compose his own epitaph and accept a sweet death at Hermione's hands.
Draco couldn't say how long he and Hermione laid there, making love to each other. It could have been hours; it could have been several years. He couldn't keep track of time, lost as he was in a cloud of sensations. Time and space ceased to exist, until he felt his whole life had always consisted of nothing but this: the scent of roses and feminine musk, the flicker of firelight on chestnut curls, the sound of rasping breaths echoing in a cave, and eyes that shimmered like liquid brown pools.
Yet most of all, Draco would never forget the feel of Hermione, as she moved rhythmically on top of him, as if to the beat of an ancient drum, bringing both of them closer to an earth-shattering crescendo. They moved together in an age-old dance, giving and taking from each other as generations of lovers had done in this cave and in the world outside of it.
Finally, Draco's breath hitched, and every muscle in his body tensed as he felt his impending climax. Hermione's cheeks were flushed, and he could tell from the erratic movement of her hips that she, too, was close to completion. He held himself back, wanting to wait for her before he allowed himself to go over the edge.
"Draco," Hermione gasped, her breathing labored from her efforts, “just...let go."
And Draco did, thrusting up into her with all of his remaining strength, holding her tightly to him as if by doing so, he could somehow stop time, and keep them in this moment forever. He didn't know if it was the cave's ancient powers, or some other force at work, but for a brief moment, he thought he could sense the magic coursing through his veins and Hermione's, running back and forth between them like a subtler version of the jolt they had experienced earlier. Then he was swallowed up by the most intense orgasm of his life, falling into the abyss and dragging Hermione with him, so that both of their cries echoed in unison off the walls of the stone chamber.
Hermione collapsed on top of Draco and lay there, shaky and limp from the exertion of their love-making. Draco, despite feeling a bit boneless himself, managed to pull the bed sheets over both of them, shifting Hermione so that she was nestled comfortably against his chest. He brushed the sweat-dampened curls off of her face and kissed her forehead, and after a few minutes, her eyes drifted closed. Draco had nearly succumbed to sleep himself, when Hermione suddenly mumbled something, bringing him back to wakeful awareness. Her voice was slurred with fatigue, but the words were still discernable.
"I love you, Draco."
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