Part one: Break those chains that bind you
To System, Ataxia gives a gift, and a task of sorts, near the twilight of her time with an artificial will:
Ataxia has left you a little chalkboard, with a drawing of a bed frame: A king sized bed in perfect geometric art deco style. The head rises to two points on either side, draws in flat, then bends down in a perfect half circle, all edged in Nirosta, a mixture of Silver, Nickel, and Iron. This half circle forms a sun, from which spokes trail out at equal degrees, ten not including the horizontal level. Inside of the spokes are honey coloured panels, a beautiful resin with innumerable flecks of silver deep enough inside to all be coloured golden. These spokes are intersected, though, after about a foot down from their relative position from a top, by vertical and horizontal lines of Nirosta. Within these squares, black metal forms the outline of buildings, each a different pattern, thirteen in all. Signed in the corner of the final left most building is the design's name, "Vision of Prime", and Ataxia's signature."
"The chalkboard cycles to the next photo, beyond the frame: The frame is solid beyond the head peace, in a prrattern which looks like wood, but is instead composed of dark metal. It circles all the way around the bottom, coming past the matress itself at the foot, edged in a lighter silver metal at top and bottom, along with three stylized deco-zag lines which cycle around at the top. The foot of the bed has an etched panel, with a sitting jackal face to face with a series of whirling spheres, so close as to touch as they sit in eternal repose, all in the machined geometric shapes the artist seems so fond of. The matress itself is curved at the edges, the covers tight and perfect over it, the pillow one solid bar all the way across. The fabric itself is a beautiful swirl of colour, orange and brown leaves and vines, blue to green gradients, splotches of light and dark overlapping all of it."
"The chalkboard cycles fully one more time, a note written from Ataxia: "While my mind is clear, I have designed specifications for a bed for you and I. I hope you can fabricate it with the plans I've written for it. I think it will be very comforting - but if you wish to make any changes, please do, your touch could do nothing but help make the intimacy more shared!" it cycles to the next page. "Just remember, I love you. Please don't let yourself be hurt by me exploring - it is my very nature and purpose, entirely selfish. I am half chaos, to which I know you will always find some trepidation - to touch Prime itself would be to break in half for me. I will not always make sense to you. But you will never lose me."
And this and at least one other chalk board is sent out. One to System, and one to Jini - they both read the same thing, though Jini's does not also have access to the bed plans:
Away message for Ataxia: Noticing you searching for Ataxia, a floating chalkboard approaches - "When awake, Ataxia will notify you, and either come to you, or otherwise respond, depending on her prerogatives today. Her mind will revert to an ungraceful state shortly after waking up - but there will be at least a little time in which her coherence will remain for you." it scrawls. Below is a drawing of current status, presently a curled jackal with little Zs floating above her, animated.
----
A random grouping? A sleeping Jackal draws an anxious audience.
Mechanist Factory
Precision. Unison. Cyclical processes in unending perfect rhythm. This is the impression you get of this place before all else. All motion in the room beats to a systematic timing with an underlying inrush of air and release of steam--it /breathes/. *clank* *woosh* *whirr* *BOOM* The beat dulls the senses to near-hypnotic sleepiness until you can clear your head to look around, and, not surprisingly, find yourself on the floor of a factory.
Well, not quite the floor, but rather part of a large circular gear-tread on the equator of a sphere hundreds of meters across. The structure rotates slowly, and many rails and chain-treads loop in all angles along its inner surface. Along these traces crawl parts, machines in various states of conversion or repair, and capsules of raw material. Somehow the vast complicated maze of belts work together, intersecting in precise patterns for each assembly node. Whitehot molten steel flows in troughs across the gravity-inverted ceiling, the primary illumination of the chamber. Hydraulic presses slam into belts, triple-jointed arms spark rapid flashwelds, metal is formed and reformed. Vaguely bipedal forms twist and move in the shadows, emerging from the conveyors on the other end of the factory as identical brushed-metal drones.
Rotating in the very center of the sphere, fed by countless conduits and meterthick cabling, a smaller sphere is formed of gear-rings rotating on multiple axes. What you can make out of the inner is often obscured by one ring or another, but there seems to be something inside. Catwalks ringing the surface climb into the skysphere. If you time it right there may be an opening to duck through as well, just like the cyclical door leading
Dark Under, Ataxia sleeps, thinking that noone will come for her here - its a dangerous journey, and its very isolated. However, that doesn't matter to some as she sleeps.
Jini slips in, walking as if pulled by invisible strings. She has no guitar. She kneels, vaguely aware, vaguely elsewhere, and... is patient.
System manages to dive through the gate in time.
Squeak manages to dive through the gate in time.
System half-bows as (he) enters. "Greetings, Jini."
Squeak follows close to System's legs, he seems lost this far down and unsure of where he's going.
Jini's eyelids flutter; her eyes shift back down from being rolled back in their sockets. She looks up with a bright smile. "Hello, Mister System, Mister Squeak. What brings you here?'
System smiles slightly. "I was primarily curious as to where you had been headed. What is your status, Jini?"
Jini smiles. "It has been suggested to me by one of the Tinkerers that I should meditate upon my part-machine nature. What better place than this?"
System nods slightly. "I assert my hope that you find the experience pleasant." (He) half-nods to Squeak. "Do you want to say hello to Jini, kitten?"
Jini says, "Thank you. All experiences are pleasant for me!"
System sighs quietly at this, rubbing at (his) forehead.
Squeak stays pressed against System's legs for the moment, though he squeaks towards Jini, seeming pleased to see her.
System reaches down to rub quietly at Squeak's back.
Jini waves cutely at Squeak.
System states quietly, "Are you aware that Squeak enjoys eating rubber balls? Don't make one for him now, though, he just ate."
Squeak squeaks! at the mention of rubber balls, perhaps he's going to get another one!
System chuckles quietly, smiling.
Jini says, after a moment, "I was, though I had not known he had a particular preference for it..." She rubs her forehead. "Please pardon my slowness of response, sir. Most of my mind is caught up in gears gears wires gears pistons hydraulic flows pressure actuators servomotors gears cogs gears..." She drones on in this vein for a moment, listing machine parts. There's a poetry to it. "...miles of miles of wires gears gears gears. I am not fit for public service."
System chuckles quietly. "A Doll not fit for service? There is more here than I am being told."
Jini says, "Yes, System!" She laughs. "Actually, I am here as part of avast malign conspiracy, acting on secret Doll protocols; even now, I am being used as a node in a vast distributed process to crack encryptions and solve unlikelyhoods. We plan to force the whole universe to be as happy as Us, and We will all giggle in unison.""
Jini giggles.
System states quietly, "The Heart Singularity, hmm?"
Jini says, "Only the first step! And now your will must die." She laughs. "That's what you want to hear, isn't it!"
System shakes (his) head. "No."
Squeak looks confused!
System states quietly, "Just the facts, Jini."
Jini bows her head. "I meditate upon my machine side, Mister System. There are some things it seems I must come to terms with about my self as I am now, and this is the place for it. Also I hear this place's song and file it for later inspiration." She reaches back and opens a panel in the back of her neck; there, beneath the blue latex, are several high-bandwidth data jacks. "Interface with me, sir, if you like; scour my mind and soul for the facts! I'm just here for a hope of a moment of Transcend!"
System gestures slightly, a line of blue light linking (his) finger and one of the jacks, a data channel in itself, rummaging through Jini's thoughts and programming, taking notes on Doll methods, Jini's current state, and so forth.
Squeak watches all of this, eyes stretched wide as if it's very interestesting or fascinating, even.
Jini's code decrypts itself as System probes, eagerly opening deep. It's convoluted, organic, grown routines; indirect and interlinked and re-re-re-used. Mostly her thoughts are music theory - learned reflexes so deep you could cut off her head and she'd still be able to play guitar, ways to organize music, sloppily-filed notes on experiments when she has time. A jumble of memories, her history all out of order, holographic, just a girl who likes to play guitar and have fun, really. Oh, and there it is, a memory still floating on the edge of permanant storage, a moment deep in Charm staring into the strobe-flashing face of another Doll, being fed modes of meditation, a cute little cyborg vision-quest task. Overall, her mind is a very... pink and happy place.
Jini has no ulterior motives stored anywhere in her system, no secrets. She's just here to meditate. Or else she's lying with her entire self, so deep a lie the truth's been deleted and thrice-zeroed-out and unmade.
System half-smiles experimentally, letting the data bridge fade. "A shame. I thought you might enjoy entertaining the kitten, here."
Jini giggles. "I would, sir, but I must do what I have been told... perhaps you are here as a sign that this is not the proper place of meditation." She sighs. Then smiles brightly, looking System full in the face. Still on her knees, access panel still open on the back of her neck. In an emptily perky voice, she says, "This unit humbly requests solitude, sir! Her services are not currently available, as she is in a self-maintenance mode. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause!"
System closes the access panel, nodding. "Acknowledged."
System dashes out while the gate is open.
Jini shudders a little as data and orders are re-downloaded from outside storage. The only visible indication of this is a slight smile, and her eyes rolling back as she resumes her meditation and her... pause.
Jini hums a soft song of harmony with the thuddings and grindings.
-----
The jackal awakes, but its too late for her coherence - she slowly descends from a strong mind, into the arms of another, too weak to be a force for choices of her own as she had so wanted to be for this.
In time, the chalk board hovering near both System and Jini changes:
Away message for Ataxia: The chalkboard has changed to a picture of a jackal, awake, though with a huge cross out through her. It claims, "Do not disturb unless she asks you to. Program Special 2 running."
Ataxia's sign, floating more or less above her head, changes. The sleeping Jackal pictured in the chalk board sits up, and its eyes open. Her location is displayed below, but, it seems she's already been joined in company. Slumped on a wall, the jackal's dull blue eyes crack slowly open.
Jini is waiting patiently, kneeling nearby. Not directly in front of you, but near, clearly waiting for you to gain consciousness. The bunny's head jerks, a little mechanically, then moves with more animation as she smiles at you. "Good evening, miss Ataxia! You desired my presence?"
Ataxia's hands fall to the floor, pushing herself up against the wall slowly, her head rising as her eyes widen a moment.. then close, a hand rising to brush against them.. "Jini.." she whispers out, then slowly smiles. "How long have you been waiting for me here?.." she asks, her tail curling about her waist.
Jini shrugs. "A timeless time of meditation," she chirps. "About half the day, by my clocks." The rabbit grins. She's alone, without her guitar. Just the girl.
Ataxia's ears rest back as she nods, breathing in slowly.. "I didn't really mean to burden you, and take away your day for me.. You could have been doing more important things, the chalkboard would have come to you when I awoke.." she whispers, looking a little down. Her hand trails up to her head, her eyes closing.. "Grace came to me before.. Its almost a day since then now.."
Jini giggles. "I'm programmed to be patient, miss Ataxia! Nothing is more important than helping those who need me, however I can. Besides, the sounds of this place...' She shivers, a little orgasmic gasp on her lips. "Wonderful."
Jini says, "Your note did suggest that your time was short, as well. And that your mood and mind might shift. I'm sorry I didn't manage to see you earlier - not wanting to get pulled into other, more immediate service, is why I came to pause here."
Ataxia's hand slowly falls as she looks out to you again, her dull blue eyes weakened. She looks a little distant, as really, its been more than twenty four hours, and the artificial layer of confidence in her is slowly fading away.. She smiles faintly, though.. "I know.. this place is beautiful.. isn't it?" she responds with a little shiver.. "I used to enjoy it more, I think.. One of my first days alive was spent here, trying to help Nikolai.. but, I think I failed.." she sighs softly, looking down again, blackness pooling below her eyes.. "I understand.. My note was urgent, but I didn't mean to worry you so.. Jini.." she trails.. "I have a lot to ask.. please be patient with me now.. That's the first thing I ask.. Grace was, and it meant the world to me.. I'm selfish, I want the same from you.."
Jini laughs. "You didn't worry me, miss Ataxia. It's impossible." She reaches out to take your hand in hers, supple strong subtle latex fingers spidering lightly around. "I am selfless, and I have all the time and patience you need me to. Ask!"
Jini grins at you, waiting.
Ataxia looks at you with mild wonder, reaching out to take your hand in hers in response.. Her fingers are almost cool at first.. But, as she touches, a warmth pervades your hand, all the way through to the bone where she makes contact. Its pleasant, even if it is disorder, just yet at least.. "Did it really not worry you, Jini?.." she asks, the blackness pooling below her eyes wisping softly through her fur as she continues.. "What are you?.. What is a Bubble Doll? Noone has ever told me.. Do you really not.. feel pain? Were you always like that?.."
Jini holds your hand in hers. "We Bubble Dolls are one of the many factions about the Mess. Our core belief is that pain, suffering, hate, worry, envy... all those unpleasant traps of the mind and body... are useless relics of the times before the infinite plenty of now! So we just, well, get rid of them! They get in the way of what matters - having fun and being happy." She giggles. "I wasn't built this way, though some are. It's a choice I made. Life's a lot more fun now."
Ataxia's fingers curl in, slipping between your own, holding.. She reaches out with her other hand, slowly, carefully, coming to touch an audio jack on you, claw lightly touching against the solid surface at the base of your throat.. then, rising, to tap on one of the dials, just once, that peak your breast. The jackal's coherence is poor, but curiosity still shows through beyond the questions so long building in her as well.. She looks up from your chest, her tongue lulling behind her teeth. "That sounds like the way I was before.. For the first three months of my life, I never felt pain, never suffered.. only worried a little, maybe.. Not very much, but when it was really important, not all the time like now.." she trails, a soft shiver passing through her.. "And never envied, either.. I envy my old self.. I envy you for being like that.. it hurts.." she whispers across to you.. "Why.. is everyone afraid of you, Jini?.."
Jini settles her body against you, heedless of the entropic warmth rising in her. She grins. "Because of the other part of the Doll way. I have little will, miss Ataxia; most Dolls have next to none! I'll give you anything I can, if you ask for it. A smarter Doll like myself will even give you things you don't ask for. I'm less than you, I'm a pleasure toy, and I love it!" She tilts her head. "And I'm programmed to stay that way. That's why we scare some people. They see those who decide to join us as decieved, seduced, stolen and turned into a giggling, mindless slave." She shrugs, breasts jiggling a little from the motion.
Ataxia watches you lean forward, her head resting a little to the side at first as she watches your grin, her ears curling back and up curiously.. She breathes in slowly, her eyes closing a moment.. "You're honest though, I think.. Sometimes, people are confounded by honesty, when they let their fears make them expect anything but.." she whispers, her hand coming to your side as she looks out to you again. She leans just a little forward, her nose touching yours.. "Does anyone become like you who didn't want to, though?.. It doesn't seem like a thing you could possibly do to another, without them coming to you, or without their will open to it.. Could you go back, if you wanted to? Do you miss.. anything, about the pain of life before? Everyone says.. pain is valuable.. but, is it?"
Jini kisses you, gently, warm lips brushing your muzzle. "No. Nobody who doesn't want to be one of us becomes us. That's counter to everything we stand for. Forcing someone to be a Doll, forever, just isn't _nice!_" The rabbit giggles. "We don't want to make _anyone_ unhappy, miss Ataxia. Back? Yes, I could. Peel the latex off, regrow fur, undo the sensory enhancements, go back to thinking with nothing but the brain the Fever Cathedral grew me with. But I don't want to." She shakes her head. "Pain just makes you stop thinking. It turns off your sympathy and your higher mind. We turn off the pain instead." She blinks. "If you wanted to, if it would make you happy, you could break my bones one by one and I'd love you for it. I can get repaired. I can get reconstructed. Pain just makes you stupid!"
Ataxia's head falls a little back, but there's nowhere to go.. She breathes in slowly against your lips.. and for a moment, she kisses back, her eyes closing as blackness trails in little wisps down the side of her cheeks.. She shivers as she looks out to your eyes, watching as you listen.. and for a moment, she sobs.. "Then.. then, why did everyone try to hold me back.. if it was always my own choice?.." she shivers softly. "Were they afraid I'd hurt them even then? Did they have no confidence in me.. that I could think for myself?" she continues, her eyes clenching shut quietly.. "I... wouldn't have.. don't they realized that for me to hurt them.. I have to hurt myself far more?" she whispers, breathing in slowly.. "I never wanted to hurt anyone.. I hate pain, I hate this, I hate feeling so bad, all the time.. The few moments that I've felt good are spectacular.. but so rare.. Lupe with her bell.. Grace with her rose and friendship offered.. System with his creations for me.. But then, days, hours, spent just like I am now.. Trembling.."
Jini hugs you, wrapping her arms around you and holding you tight. "Because they love you, and want to keep you safe, miss Ataxia," she breathes. "You're young. Old-but-young. And they're afraid you'll get hurt, or that someone will steal you from them. That you'll leave them for something else without looking back." She sighs. "I think you just answered your question about pain being valuable, too! It feeds on itself and grows."
Jini says, "The good moments _don't_ pale when they're all you have."
Ataxia drapes her muzzle down softly on your shoulder, her tail flicking to the side, hooking around you. She's not good for you, but she feels awfully warm.. and, after a moment, her arms around you, your words drawing soft sobs from her... "I.." she trails, her mind once more lost after being coherent for a whole day. Her sense of eloquence is lost, and it makes it all the harder for her as she listens, and chokes up, unable to speak for a little while.. "I will always love them.. how could I not?.." she shivers..
"Except.. for the pain.. but if I had none, then there'd be no reason at all why I might not.. don't they see that?.." she asks, distantly, perhaps absurdly, but she isn't entirely with it. She wishes she had gotten to see you while she was still all coherent, not.. embarrassing herself like this, in loss of control.. "I can forgive them.. they.. did what I did to Lupe.." she whispers after a moment of calming. She looks out slowly.. "I wish she had gotten more time the way she was.. if I had known better, I could have asked her so much.. but I never gave her a chance. No one did, except you, I think.." she trails.
Ataxia has left you a little chalkboard, with a drawing of a bed frame: A king sized bed in perfect geometric art deco style. The head rises to two points on either side, draws in flat, then bends down in a perfect half circle, all edged in Nirosta, a mixture of Silver, Nickel, and Iron. This half circle forms a sun, from which spokes trail out at equal degrees, ten not including the horizontal level. Inside of the spokes are honey coloured panels, a beautiful resin with innumerable flecks of silver deep enough inside to all be coloured golden. These spokes are intersected, though, after about a foot down from their relative position from a top, by vertical and horizontal lines of Nirosta. Within these squares, black metal forms the outline of buildings, each a different pattern, thirteen in all. Signed in the corner of the final left most building is the design's name, "Vision of Prime", and Ataxia's signature."
"The chalkboard cycles to the next photo, beyond the frame: The frame is solid beyond the head peace, in a prrattern which looks like wood, but is instead composed of dark metal. It circles all the way around the bottom, coming past the matress itself at the foot, edged in a lighter silver metal at top and bottom, along with three stylized deco-zag lines which cycle around at the top. The foot of the bed has an etched panel, with a sitting jackal face to face with a series of whirling spheres, so close as to touch as they sit in eternal repose, all in the machined geometric shapes the artist seems so fond of. The matress itself is curved at the edges, the covers tight and perfect over it, the pillow one solid bar all the way across. The fabric itself is a beautiful swirl of colour, orange and brown leaves and vines, blue to green gradients, splotches of light and dark overlapping all of it."
"The chalkboard cycles fully one more time, a note written from Ataxia: "While my mind is clear, I have designed specifications for a bed for you and I. I hope you can fabricate it with the plans I've written for it. I think it will be very comforting - but if you wish to make any changes, please do, your touch could do nothing but help make the intimacy more shared!" it cycles to the next page. "Just remember, I love you. Please don't let yourself be hurt by me exploring - it is my very nature and purpose, entirely selfish. I am half chaos, to which I know you will always find some trepidation - to touch Prime itself would be to break in half for me. I will not always make sense to you. But you will never lose me."
And this and at least one other chalk board is sent out. One to System, and one to Jini - they both read the same thing, though Jini's does not also have access to the bed plans:
Away message for Ataxia: Noticing you searching for Ataxia, a floating chalkboard approaches - "When awake, Ataxia will notify you, and either come to you, or otherwise respond, depending on her prerogatives today. Her mind will revert to an ungraceful state shortly after waking up - but there will be at least a little time in which her coherence will remain for you." it scrawls. Below is a drawing of current status, presently a curled jackal with little Zs floating above her, animated.
----
A random grouping? A sleeping Jackal draws an anxious audience.
Mechanist Factory
Precision. Unison. Cyclical processes in unending perfect rhythm. This is the impression you get of this place before all else. All motion in the room beats to a systematic timing with an underlying inrush of air and release of steam--it /breathes/. *clank* *woosh* *whirr* *BOOM* The beat dulls the senses to near-hypnotic sleepiness until you can clear your head to look around, and, not surprisingly, find yourself on the floor of a factory.
Well, not quite the floor, but rather part of a large circular gear-tread on the equator of a sphere hundreds of meters across. The structure rotates slowly, and many rails and chain-treads loop in all angles along its inner surface. Along these traces crawl parts, machines in various states of conversion or repair, and capsules of raw material. Somehow the vast complicated maze of belts work together, intersecting in precise patterns for each assembly node. Whitehot molten steel flows in troughs across the gravity-inverted ceiling, the primary illumination of the chamber. Hydraulic presses slam into belts, triple-jointed arms spark rapid flashwelds, metal is formed and reformed. Vaguely bipedal forms twist and move in the shadows, emerging from the conveyors on the other end of the factory as identical brushed-metal drones.
Rotating in the very center of the sphere, fed by countless conduits and meterthick cabling, a smaller sphere is formed of gear-rings rotating on multiple axes. What you can make out of the inner is often obscured by one ring or another, but there seems to be something inside. Catwalks ringing the surface climb into the skysphere. If you time it right there may be an opening to duck through as well, just like the cyclical door leading
Dark Under, Ataxia sleeps, thinking that noone will come for her here - its a dangerous journey, and its very isolated. However, that doesn't matter to some as she sleeps.
Jini slips in, walking as if pulled by invisible strings. She has no guitar. She kneels, vaguely aware, vaguely elsewhere, and... is patient.
System manages to dive through the gate in time.
Squeak manages to dive through the gate in time.
System half-bows as (he) enters. "Greetings, Jini."
Squeak follows close to System's legs, he seems lost this far down and unsure of where he's going.
Jini's eyelids flutter; her eyes shift back down from being rolled back in their sockets. She looks up with a bright smile. "Hello, Mister System, Mister Squeak. What brings you here?'
System smiles slightly. "I was primarily curious as to where you had been headed. What is your status, Jini?"
Jini smiles. "It has been suggested to me by one of the Tinkerers that I should meditate upon my part-machine nature. What better place than this?"
System nods slightly. "I assert my hope that you find the experience pleasant." (He) half-nods to Squeak. "Do you want to say hello to Jini, kitten?"
Jini says, "Thank you. All experiences are pleasant for me!"
System sighs quietly at this, rubbing at (his) forehead.
Squeak stays pressed against System's legs for the moment, though he squeaks towards Jini, seeming pleased to see her.
System reaches down to rub quietly at Squeak's back.
Jini waves cutely at Squeak.
System states quietly, "Are you aware that Squeak enjoys eating rubber balls? Don't make one for him now, though, he just ate."
Squeak squeaks! at the mention of rubber balls, perhaps he's going to get another one!
System chuckles quietly, smiling.
Jini says, after a moment, "I was, though I had not known he had a particular preference for it..." She rubs her forehead. "Please pardon my slowness of response, sir. Most of my mind is caught up in gears gears wires gears pistons hydraulic flows pressure actuators servomotors gears cogs gears..." She drones on in this vein for a moment, listing machine parts. There's a poetry to it. "...miles of miles of wires gears gears gears. I am not fit for public service."
System chuckles quietly. "A Doll not fit for service? There is more here than I am being told."
Jini says, "Yes, System!" She laughs. "Actually, I am here as part of avast malign conspiracy, acting on secret Doll protocols; even now, I am being used as a node in a vast distributed process to crack encryptions and solve unlikelyhoods. We plan to force the whole universe to be as happy as Us, and We will all giggle in unison.""
Jini giggles.
System states quietly, "The Heart Singularity, hmm?"
Jini says, "Only the first step! And now your will must die." She laughs. "That's what you want to hear, isn't it!"
System shakes (his) head. "No."
Squeak looks confused!
System states quietly, "Just the facts, Jini."
Jini bows her head. "I meditate upon my machine side, Mister System. There are some things it seems I must come to terms with about my self as I am now, and this is the place for it. Also I hear this place's song and file it for later inspiration." She reaches back and opens a panel in the back of her neck; there, beneath the blue latex, are several high-bandwidth data jacks. "Interface with me, sir, if you like; scour my mind and soul for the facts! I'm just here for a hope of a moment of Transcend!"
System gestures slightly, a line of blue light linking (his) finger and one of the jacks, a data channel in itself, rummaging through Jini's thoughts and programming, taking notes on Doll methods, Jini's current state, and so forth.
Squeak watches all of this, eyes stretched wide as if it's very interestesting or fascinating, even.
Jini's code decrypts itself as System probes, eagerly opening deep. It's convoluted, organic, grown routines; indirect and interlinked and re-re-re-used. Mostly her thoughts are music theory - learned reflexes so deep you could cut off her head and she'd still be able to play guitar, ways to organize music, sloppily-filed notes on experiments when she has time. A jumble of memories, her history all out of order, holographic, just a girl who likes to play guitar and have fun, really. Oh, and there it is, a memory still floating on the edge of permanant storage, a moment deep in Charm staring into the strobe-flashing face of another Doll, being fed modes of meditation, a cute little cyborg vision-quest task. Overall, her mind is a very... pink and happy place.
Jini has no ulterior motives stored anywhere in her system, no secrets. She's just here to meditate. Or else she's lying with her entire self, so deep a lie the truth's been deleted and thrice-zeroed-out and unmade.
System half-smiles experimentally, letting the data bridge fade. "A shame. I thought you might enjoy entertaining the kitten, here."
Jini giggles. "I would, sir, but I must do what I have been told... perhaps you are here as a sign that this is not the proper place of meditation." She sighs. Then smiles brightly, looking System full in the face. Still on her knees, access panel still open on the back of her neck. In an emptily perky voice, she says, "This unit humbly requests solitude, sir! Her services are not currently available, as she is in a self-maintenance mode. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause!"
System closes the access panel, nodding. "Acknowledged."
System dashes out while the gate is open.
Jini shudders a little as data and orders are re-downloaded from outside storage. The only visible indication of this is a slight smile, and her eyes rolling back as she resumes her meditation and her... pause.
Jini hums a soft song of harmony with the thuddings and grindings.
-----
The jackal awakes, but its too late for her coherence - she slowly descends from a strong mind, into the arms of another, too weak to be a force for choices of her own as she had so wanted to be for this.
In time, the chalk board hovering near both System and Jini changes:
Away message for Ataxia: The chalkboard has changed to a picture of a jackal, awake, though with a huge cross out through her. It claims, "Do not disturb unless she asks you to. Program Special 2 running."
Ataxia's sign, floating more or less above her head, changes. The sleeping Jackal pictured in the chalk board sits up, and its eyes open. Her location is displayed below, but, it seems she's already been joined in company. Slumped on a wall, the jackal's dull blue eyes crack slowly open.
Jini is waiting patiently, kneeling nearby. Not directly in front of you, but near, clearly waiting for you to gain consciousness. The bunny's head jerks, a little mechanically, then moves with more animation as she smiles at you. "Good evening, miss Ataxia! You desired my presence?"
Ataxia's hands fall to the floor, pushing herself up against the wall slowly, her head rising as her eyes widen a moment.. then close, a hand rising to brush against them.. "Jini.." she whispers out, then slowly smiles. "How long have you been waiting for me here?.." she asks, her tail curling about her waist.
Jini shrugs. "A timeless time of meditation," she chirps. "About half the day, by my clocks." The rabbit grins. She's alone, without her guitar. Just the girl.
Ataxia's ears rest back as she nods, breathing in slowly.. "I didn't really mean to burden you, and take away your day for me.. You could have been doing more important things, the chalkboard would have come to you when I awoke.." she whispers, looking a little down. Her hand trails up to her head, her eyes closing.. "Grace came to me before.. Its almost a day since then now.."
Jini giggles. "I'm programmed to be patient, miss Ataxia! Nothing is more important than helping those who need me, however I can. Besides, the sounds of this place...' She shivers, a little orgasmic gasp on her lips. "Wonderful."
Jini says, "Your note did suggest that your time was short, as well. And that your mood and mind might shift. I'm sorry I didn't manage to see you earlier - not wanting to get pulled into other, more immediate service, is why I came to pause here."
Ataxia's hand slowly falls as she looks out to you again, her dull blue eyes weakened. She looks a little distant, as really, its been more than twenty four hours, and the artificial layer of confidence in her is slowly fading away.. She smiles faintly, though.. "I know.. this place is beautiful.. isn't it?" she responds with a little shiver.. "I used to enjoy it more, I think.. One of my first days alive was spent here, trying to help Nikolai.. but, I think I failed.." she sighs softly, looking down again, blackness pooling below her eyes.. "I understand.. My note was urgent, but I didn't mean to worry you so.. Jini.." she trails.. "I have a lot to ask.. please be patient with me now.. That's the first thing I ask.. Grace was, and it meant the world to me.. I'm selfish, I want the same from you.."
Jini laughs. "You didn't worry me, miss Ataxia. It's impossible." She reaches out to take your hand in hers, supple strong subtle latex fingers spidering lightly around. "I am selfless, and I have all the time and patience you need me to. Ask!"
Jini grins at you, waiting.
Ataxia looks at you with mild wonder, reaching out to take your hand in hers in response.. Her fingers are almost cool at first.. But, as she touches, a warmth pervades your hand, all the way through to the bone where she makes contact. Its pleasant, even if it is disorder, just yet at least.. "Did it really not worry you, Jini?.." she asks, the blackness pooling below her eyes wisping softly through her fur as she continues.. "What are you?.. What is a Bubble Doll? Noone has ever told me.. Do you really not.. feel pain? Were you always like that?.."
Jini holds your hand in hers. "We Bubble Dolls are one of the many factions about the Mess. Our core belief is that pain, suffering, hate, worry, envy... all those unpleasant traps of the mind and body... are useless relics of the times before the infinite plenty of now! So we just, well, get rid of them! They get in the way of what matters - having fun and being happy." She giggles. "I wasn't built this way, though some are. It's a choice I made. Life's a lot more fun now."
Ataxia's fingers curl in, slipping between your own, holding.. She reaches out with her other hand, slowly, carefully, coming to touch an audio jack on you, claw lightly touching against the solid surface at the base of your throat.. then, rising, to tap on one of the dials, just once, that peak your breast. The jackal's coherence is poor, but curiosity still shows through beyond the questions so long building in her as well.. She looks up from your chest, her tongue lulling behind her teeth. "That sounds like the way I was before.. For the first three months of my life, I never felt pain, never suffered.. only worried a little, maybe.. Not very much, but when it was really important, not all the time like now.." she trails, a soft shiver passing through her.. "And never envied, either.. I envy my old self.. I envy you for being like that.. it hurts.." she whispers across to you.. "Why.. is everyone afraid of you, Jini?.."
Jini settles her body against you, heedless of the entropic warmth rising in her. She grins. "Because of the other part of the Doll way. I have little will, miss Ataxia; most Dolls have next to none! I'll give you anything I can, if you ask for it. A smarter Doll like myself will even give you things you don't ask for. I'm less than you, I'm a pleasure toy, and I love it!" She tilts her head. "And I'm programmed to stay that way. That's why we scare some people. They see those who decide to join us as decieved, seduced, stolen and turned into a giggling, mindless slave." She shrugs, breasts jiggling a little from the motion.
Ataxia watches you lean forward, her head resting a little to the side at first as she watches your grin, her ears curling back and up curiously.. She breathes in slowly, her eyes closing a moment.. "You're honest though, I think.. Sometimes, people are confounded by honesty, when they let their fears make them expect anything but.." she whispers, her hand coming to your side as she looks out to you again. She leans just a little forward, her nose touching yours.. "Does anyone become like you who didn't want to, though?.. It doesn't seem like a thing you could possibly do to another, without them coming to you, or without their will open to it.. Could you go back, if you wanted to? Do you miss.. anything, about the pain of life before? Everyone says.. pain is valuable.. but, is it?"
Jini kisses you, gently, warm lips brushing your muzzle. "No. Nobody who doesn't want to be one of us becomes us. That's counter to everything we stand for. Forcing someone to be a Doll, forever, just isn't _nice!_" The rabbit giggles. "We don't want to make _anyone_ unhappy, miss Ataxia. Back? Yes, I could. Peel the latex off, regrow fur, undo the sensory enhancements, go back to thinking with nothing but the brain the Fever Cathedral grew me with. But I don't want to." She shakes her head. "Pain just makes you stop thinking. It turns off your sympathy and your higher mind. We turn off the pain instead." She blinks. "If you wanted to, if it would make you happy, you could break my bones one by one and I'd love you for it. I can get repaired. I can get reconstructed. Pain just makes you stupid!"
Ataxia's head falls a little back, but there's nowhere to go.. She breathes in slowly against your lips.. and for a moment, she kisses back, her eyes closing as blackness trails in little wisps down the side of her cheeks.. She shivers as she looks out to your eyes, watching as you listen.. and for a moment, she sobs.. "Then.. then, why did everyone try to hold me back.. if it was always my own choice?.." she shivers softly. "Were they afraid I'd hurt them even then? Did they have no confidence in me.. that I could think for myself?" she continues, her eyes clenching shut quietly.. "I... wouldn't have.. don't they realized that for me to hurt them.. I have to hurt myself far more?" she whispers, breathing in slowly.. "I never wanted to hurt anyone.. I hate pain, I hate this, I hate feeling so bad, all the time.. The few moments that I've felt good are spectacular.. but so rare.. Lupe with her bell.. Grace with her rose and friendship offered.. System with his creations for me.. But then, days, hours, spent just like I am now.. Trembling.."
Jini hugs you, wrapping her arms around you and holding you tight. "Because they love you, and want to keep you safe, miss Ataxia," she breathes. "You're young. Old-but-young. And they're afraid you'll get hurt, or that someone will steal you from them. That you'll leave them for something else without looking back." She sighs. "I think you just answered your question about pain being valuable, too! It feeds on itself and grows."
Jini says, "The good moments _don't_ pale when they're all you have."
Ataxia drapes her muzzle down softly on your shoulder, her tail flicking to the side, hooking around you. She's not good for you, but she feels awfully warm.. and, after a moment, her arms around you, your words drawing soft sobs from her... "I.." she trails, her mind once more lost after being coherent for a whole day. Her sense of eloquence is lost, and it makes it all the harder for her as she listens, and chokes up, unable to speak for a little while.. "I will always love them.. how could I not?.." she shivers..
"Except.. for the pain.. but if I had none, then there'd be no reason at all why I might not.. don't they see that?.." she asks, distantly, perhaps absurdly, but she isn't entirely with it. She wishes she had gotten to see you while she was still all coherent, not.. embarrassing herself like this, in loss of control.. "I can forgive them.. they.. did what I did to Lupe.." she whispers after a moment of calming. She looks out slowly.. "I wish she had gotten more time the way she was.. if I had known better, I could have asked her so much.. but I never gave her a chance. No one did, except you, I think.." she trails.