The Stranger, edited
My friend John went through and edited my little story for me. I think he did a good job. This is the same as the entry before, just tweeked a bit.
I'll try to proofread my next blurb before posting it here to prevent double posting in the future.
The [Pub] was located in the darkest corner of town. The only people who dared step through its doors were probably assassins and whores, but the old man told him he would find her here and so he forced himself to cross into this dank, underlit section of [Town].
Approaching slowly, he stopped at the worn wooden door. He gazed through the darkness and could see no windows on this side of the building - only the standard slider peep-hole on the door, and this one looked as though it had never been moved. They didn't need a bodyguard in here, if you messed with the wrong person the patrons would deal with you themselves.
He sighed and put his hand to the door. Here goes nothing, he whispered to himself, then pushed his weight against it and crossed the threshold.
Although it wasn't much brighter inside than out on the street, the change was enough to temporarily blind him for a few seconds. Scanning the room, he quickly noticed that everyone was staring at him, the stranger. All manner of scruffy men and vampy women filled the tables, mostly playing cards and drinking ale. He noticed a couple making their way up the stairs - most likely a whore and her new client - and he shuddered as he made his way to the bar.
He caught the barkeep's attention. Despite the obvious distrust in the man's eyes, he set down the cup he had been drying with his dingy smock and swaggered over to the end of the bar.
"What can I getchya?" his voice was rough and irritated.
"I'm looking for someone..." he started.
"You lookin for trouble or ale? We don't serve trouble here", the barkeep interrupted, obviously distrustful of the stranger. Noone this clean had come in here for years.
"My apologies. I'll take a pint of ale and maybe after I finish you can give me some information?" the stranger asked hopefully.
"Sure sure. Ale first, when you finish we can make small talk." He grabbed a glass and pulled the tap. "Here ya are, when you finish come back. Go find a card game or something to occupy yerself with", he huffed and went back to drying the rest of his glasses.
Picking up his glass, the stranger walked over to a table where two rough-looking men were playing a game of cards. "Hi, whatcha playin?"
"Rummy, you can't join in", the man on his left spoke without ever looking up at him.
"That's fine, I'll just watch."
He got no response, so he watched them play through a couple of hands, picking up on the game fairly quickly. He'd never played cards before - nobody had ever taught him. When he noticed the man on the left miss a winning hand, he interrupted, "Shoulda picked up that ten, you would've had cleared your hand."
"Oh? And what do you know about cards?" The man finally took a look at the stranger.
"Not too much, but I've been catching on while you played", he explained.
"I see..." the man threw down the rest of his hand. "I'm done Jimmy. I oughta be makin' my way home by now," getting up from his chair and stretching his arms over his head. He nodded to the stranger, "Nice meetin ya kid," then grabbed his coat and hat from the rack and walked out.
The other man, Jimmy, leaned back in his chair and gave a measuring stare at the stranger sitting before him. He was too clean to hail from this town.
"Where ya from, kid?"
He really wished they'd stop calling him that ... at nineteen years old he was hardly a kid anymore. He'd been living on his own since he was sixteen and doing pretty well for himself.
"I'm from [Town]," he stated.
"Well well, that's quite a ways away, ya think? What brings ya all the way out here?", he said, looking genuinely interested.
"I'm looking for someone, an old man from another village said I could find her here."
"Her? You lookin' for a whore? They're all the same ya know," Jimmy started to rant.
"No no. Not a whore," he replied, blushing. "I'm looking for ..." he paused, trying to think of what the old man had called her, "... I'm looking for the Huntress."
Jimmy leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees and held his breath for a second. Rubbing his hands together he said in a low, suspcious voice, "Huntress you say?"
"Yessir," came the nervous reply.
Looking down at the floor boards, Jimmy thought for a minute. Then, looking back up, "Are you sure you want to speak with her?"
The young man was confused by this. Of course I wanted to speak with her, why else would I have asked? Calming down, he ventured, "Yessir, it's very important that I find her."
"Very well then."
Jimmy stood up from his chair, the stranger followed suit, he said, "You've come to the right place, I'm afraid," and he then pointed to a dark corner at the back of the pub.
When the young man followed his finger, looking in the direction of the corner, he caught a quick glimmer of glassy eyes in the gloom. His heart began racing and he had to swallow his sudden panic.
"Th-thank you sir," he stuttered, and strode to the the dark corner to meet his destiny.
I'll try to proofread my next blurb before posting it here to prevent double posting in the future.
The [Pub] was located in the darkest corner of town. The only people who dared step through its doors were probably assassins and whores, but the old man told him he would find her here and so he forced himself to cross into this dank, underlit section of [Town].
Approaching slowly, he stopped at the worn wooden door. He gazed through the darkness and could see no windows on this side of the building - only the standard slider peep-hole on the door, and this one looked as though it had never been moved. They didn't need a bodyguard in here, if you messed with the wrong person the patrons would deal with you themselves.
He sighed and put his hand to the door. Here goes nothing, he whispered to himself, then pushed his weight against it and crossed the threshold.
Although it wasn't much brighter inside than out on the street, the change was enough to temporarily blind him for a few seconds. Scanning the room, he quickly noticed that everyone was staring at him, the stranger. All manner of scruffy men and vampy women filled the tables, mostly playing cards and drinking ale. He noticed a couple making their way up the stairs - most likely a whore and her new client - and he shuddered as he made his way to the bar.
He caught the barkeep's attention. Despite the obvious distrust in the man's eyes, he set down the cup he had been drying with his dingy smock and swaggered over to the end of the bar.
"What can I getchya?" his voice was rough and irritated.
"I'm looking for someone..." he started.
"You lookin for trouble or ale? We don't serve trouble here", the barkeep interrupted, obviously distrustful of the stranger. Noone this clean had come in here for years.
"My apologies. I'll take a pint of ale and maybe after I finish you can give me some information?" the stranger asked hopefully.
"Sure sure. Ale first, when you finish we can make small talk." He grabbed a glass and pulled the tap. "Here ya are, when you finish come back. Go find a card game or something to occupy yerself with", he huffed and went back to drying the rest of his glasses.
Picking up his glass, the stranger walked over to a table where two rough-looking men were playing a game of cards. "Hi, whatcha playin?"
"Rummy, you can't join in", the man on his left spoke without ever looking up at him.
"That's fine, I'll just watch."
He got no response, so he watched them play through a couple of hands, picking up on the game fairly quickly. He'd never played cards before - nobody had ever taught him. When he noticed the man on the left miss a winning hand, he interrupted, "Shoulda picked up that ten, you would've had cleared your hand."
"Oh? And what do you know about cards?" The man finally took a look at the stranger.
"Not too much, but I've been catching on while you played", he explained.
"I see..." the man threw down the rest of his hand. "I'm done Jimmy. I oughta be makin' my way home by now," getting up from his chair and stretching his arms over his head. He nodded to the stranger, "Nice meetin ya kid," then grabbed his coat and hat from the rack and walked out.
The other man, Jimmy, leaned back in his chair and gave a measuring stare at the stranger sitting before him. He was too clean to hail from this town.
"Where ya from, kid?"
He really wished they'd stop calling him that ... at nineteen years old he was hardly a kid anymore. He'd been living on his own since he was sixteen and doing pretty well for himself.
"I'm from [Town]," he stated.
"Well well, that's quite a ways away, ya think? What brings ya all the way out here?", he said, looking genuinely interested.
"I'm looking for someone, an old man from another village said I could find her here."
"Her? You lookin' for a whore? They're all the same ya know," Jimmy started to rant.
"No no. Not a whore," he replied, blushing. "I'm looking for ..." he paused, trying to think of what the old man had called her, "... I'm looking for the Huntress."
Jimmy leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees and held his breath for a second. Rubbing his hands together he said in a low, suspcious voice, "Huntress you say?"
"Yessir," came the nervous reply.
Looking down at the floor boards, Jimmy thought for a minute. Then, looking back up, "Are you sure you want to speak with her?"
The young man was confused by this. Of course I wanted to speak with her, why else would I have asked? Calming down, he ventured, "Yessir, it's very important that I find her."
"Very well then."
Jimmy stood up from his chair, the stranger followed suit, he said, "You've come to the right place, I'm afraid," and he then pointed to a dark corner at the back of the pub.
When the young man followed his finger, looking in the direction of the corner, he caught a quick glimmer of glassy eyes in the gloom. His heart began racing and he had to swallow his sudden panic.
"Th-thank you sir," he stuttered, and strode to the the dark corner to meet his destiny.