Finding Peace When You've Been Looking Too Hard
Title: Finding Peace 5/5
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex! Language! Comma abuse!
Disclaimer: I do not own them. They don't even know I exist.
Summary: Jensen discovers that finding peace is not something that you find in a how-to book. He's bought the perfect little farm, adopted the perfect dog, and even tried his hand at gardening, but it's just not quite right. Jared is a irate vet that just wants his dog to stay out of Jensen's yard.
Masterpost
A/N: This takes place about ten months after chapter four. Just so ya know.
Part Five:
Jensen stood on his small front deck, scratching his bare stomach and sipping coffee. He smiled as strong arms slid around his waist, and let himself lean back into Jared. "G' morning," Jared murmured. Jensen turned his head to kiss him, mumbling a greeting against soft lips.
They stood silently for a long time as the sun rose above the pines that Jensen had planted so many months ago. Jared had to get to work soon, and Jensen would head off to the horse farm to check on the animals. Jared had taught him how to feed, groom and care for the horses to a degree, and he was in love with the gentle animals. Their intelligence and gracefulness made him feel some of the contentment that he'd looked so hard to find.
They had moved Jared's clothes and personal items into Jensen's small house and rented Jared's small farm to a young couple getting started. Jensen went to the farm to check on the horses once a week for Jared, and then it was off to the shelter to clean out the dog kennels while Chad tended to the land behind Jared's clinic.
Jared finally pulled away so that he could go inside, and Jensen followed him. They both stepped automatically over the dogs dozing on the kitchen floor, and filled their coffee cups before heading into the bedroom.
Jensen sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Jared tugged his scrubs on. Jared glanced up, smiled, and started lacing his farm boots. It was a traveling day, and Jared would be out on calls for most of his day.
"Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"Does this scare you?"
"No."
"I didn't even tell you what this is."
"You mean us, don't you? This new life you've made. I see you sometimes. You get this look like you think it'll all come tumbling down."
"If it does?"
"Why would it?"
"Jared, you know what my life used to be. I just feel like karma is looking for me, and that I deserve whatever it doles out. I love you. I love this," Jensen gestured around the small room." And I feel selfish for...being happy, I guess."
Jared sat down next to him on the bed. He was quiet for a few moments. "Jensen, I know that you don't lack for resources. We never talk about money, but I'm not dumb. The animal shelter has gotten some pretty amazing donations lately, and I also know that some folks in town have had their mortgages paid off. Old man Kripke called to ask me if I was the one who had a dozen calves sent to his farm last month. It was anonymous, apparently, and he was beside himself."
"That could have been anyone."
"Jensen, I remember telling you how crushed he was when disease wiped out his entire herd. I'm not stupid. You aren't the same man you used to be. I sometimes doubt that you were ever that man, really. You weren't happy, were you?"
Jensen shook his head, leaning into Jared's side. "I'd like to see my sister," he said softly. " I doubt she would like to see me now, though. I never told them why I was leaving. I just left. She was always...nicer than the rest of us."
Jared kissed the side of his head before standing up. "I gotta go to work, but we'll talk about this tonight, okay?" Jensen nodded, returning Jared's goodbye kiss.
****
Jensen stood in the April sunshine and lifted his face to the warmth. It was a beautiful morning, and he was enjoying the quiet. Chad was carefully herding the few cows and horses that were in the pasture into a small barn at the back of the property so that he could mow, and the dogs were intent on the food that Jensen had just put in their bowls. There were only seven dogs at the moment, and they seemed to be thriving. Jensen studied them for a few moments. They were all large animals, and he knew that they would eventually all find new homes. Farmers coming in to get get supplements or medicine often found themselves going home with a new companion that they didn't even realize they'd wanted until they pulled into the clinic.
Life was nice that way, sometimes. Jensen shook himself out of his thoughts and turned back to work. He spent several moments scooping up poop and clearing away scattered food. He locked the dogs inside the kennel before he weed whipped the grassy lot. Nodding his head at a job well done, Jensen let the dogs back out before leaving them to play in the sun.
He carefully checked that the kennel was closed and made his way to the small shed that housed the riding mower and various tools. He spent the rest of his morning helping Chad maintain the property. The smell of mowed grass made Jensen almost giddy as he worked, and he shrugged at the strange looks Chad gave him.
Jensen finally left as the day moved into afternoon. He didn't really have any other plans for the day. He'd always had a saver's mentality when it came to money, and he'd spent enough years ruthlessly making a profit off of other's sorrow. He knew he was set for life, and he didn't know quite what to do with himself sometimes.
****
Jared and Jensen spent a lot of their time outside as April turned into May. It had been a big decision on Jared's part to give up living on his own land, and it scared Jensen more than he cared to admit. Jared had been so calm about the entire process as they'd moved his things into Jensen's small house, and he craved the ease that Jared seemed to exude.
Sometimes, though, it just made him want to slap a bitch. He was beginning to accept that he would always have guilt for the way he'd been before he'd moved, before he's seen how much he was missing. He just wished that there was an easier way. Jensen had wanted peace more than anything. He'd given up everything he knew to pursue it, and he had honestly thought that it was a tangible goal to have.
Finding peace wasn't the Easter egg hunt he'd thought it would be. He was beginning to realize that peace was more than feelings, more than actions taken, and wasn't even what he thought peace should be. Peace was something he'd have to take one moment at a time. It was a hard lesson, and Jensen was just beginning to realize how far he had left to go.
They had expanded the garden Jensen had begun the year before, and Jensen found himself spending most of his afternoons tending the small plants that pushed themselves out of the dark soil. The impala got deluxe treatment, and he even took online classes on classic car maintenance so she could get the care she deserved.
Jared thought it was hilarious, but Jensen didn't care. She was his girl, dammit, and she deserved the very best. Jared had rolled his eyes when Jensen had told him that, and made him swear not to say such things in front of Sadie.
****
It was a Tuesday afternoon. That was when Jensen's past finally found him. His father was sitting on his front porch when he came home from the groccery store. Jensen pulled his truck up beside a gleaming black sedan, got out slowly, and grabbed the bag of food out of the passenger seat. His mind felt numb as he walked up the small path to meet his father.
Alan stood up, brushing his pressed slacks, and waited silently as Jensen came up to him. Jensen studied him as he came to a stop. Alan looked the same as he always had. Hair carefully trimmed and styled, golden tanned skin wrinkled slightly around eyes as green as Jensen's, and nails that shone from weekly manicures.
"Jensen," Alan said evenly.
"Sir," Jensen said, carefully matching his tone.
"Are you going to invite me inside?"
Jensen nodded and walked around his father to open the front door, He rarely ever locked it anymore. Jared had suggested that anyone desperate enough to rob them would just be disappointed anyway. Looking around his small kitchen, Jensen had to agree. Everything he owned was second hand or obsolete. He had lost interest in the latest in technology or name brands, and it showed.
He led his father into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Alan stood in the doorway for a few moments, studying the room as Jensen moved around. The room was full of light, clean, and had Jensen's small herb garden in one window. Jared made a lot of jokes about special brownies, but Jensen loved it.
Turning around, Jensen steeled himself as he met his father's eyes. "What brought you here, sir?" Alan smiled slightly, his eyes calm. "I came to see you, son. Why else would I be here?"
Jensen frowned, turning back to pour coffee. They both drank it black, and he laughed softly to himself as he moved to hand a mug to his father. It had an advertisement for Jared's clinic on the side. He motioned to the table, and the two men sat down across from each other.
Jensen fiddled with his cup as they sat silently. Alan finally cleared his throat. "You left rather unexpectedly, Jensen. Your mother, she worries about you. We've known you were here for quite some time, but we had thought that you would eventually contact us."
Jensen nodded, biting his lip. He wasn't quite sure what to say. He'd left his job, his family, and everything else so abruptly that there had been no goodbyes.
"Honestly, sir, I didn't think about contacting you. I figured that it would be less...pleasant to know the truth."
"Unpleasant?" Alan raised an eyebrow.
Jensen sighed. "Yeah, unpleasant is a good word for it. My life here--this land-- isn't really Park Avenue."
Alan sipped his coffee, his forehead creased in thought. "The coffee is good," he finally said. "This house, you like living here?"
Startled, Jensen glanced up. This wasn't the conversation he had been expecting. Where was the admonishment? The carefully worded guilt trip? The intimidation?
Easily reading Jensen's expression, Alan laughed softly. "Jensen, you're a grown man, you make your own decisions. I'd like to see your house, actually. May I have a tour?" Jensen blinked. His mind was reeling. His father was famous for his brutal way in a boardroom and his ability to disassemble entire companies for immense profit. He was not known for his genteel manners and fatherly ways.
"Yes, of course." Jensen pushed back his chair and Alan stood with him. Jensen gestured around the kitchen. "I haven't done much, just stocked the shelves, really. These are the original cabinets. We stained them this winter, but it was just a protectant."
Alan's eyebrows rose slightly when Jensen said we, but the younger man didn't notice as he led his father into the living room. "I found most of the furniture at this great little second hand store in town. Jeannie runs it, and her husband makes these amazing rocking chairs. I'm on his waiting list."
Alan followed Jensen down the hall to the simple bedroom. "Bedroom, obviously," Jensen said and Alan glanced in before going back down the hall. They went back through the living room and out the back door. Jensen showed him the garden before leading him to the pen where Harley and Sadie were waiting impatiently to be let out.
"Harley and Sadie," Jensen spoke over the excited barking as he pointed. He pulled open the gate and let the dogs tumble onto the lawn. "They sleep inside, and they aren't much in the way of guard dogs, but I love 'em."
Jensen bent to scratch behind Harley's ears as Alan's eyes swept across the yard.
"The man you live with, where is he?"
Jensen froze. He didn't want to lose the fragile peace that they seemed to have, but he'd begun to realize something as he's showed his father around. He was making a life for himself. He knew the name of every clerk in the feed supply store, the best way to change an air filter in a '67 Chevy, and how to make an amazing fudge cake that made Jared swoon.
Jensen had found what he was looking for, and he hadn't even realized it. Peace wasn't feeling zen every moment, it wasn't living without flaws, and it wasn't atonement.
Maybe peace wasn't just about being happy and serene all the time. Maybe peace was something else entirely.
Jensen stood up slowly. "Jared is at work. He's a vet."
"Those his scrubs in the laundry basket?"
Jensen snorted. His father was one observant bastard. "Indeed, they are. We live together."
"You love him?"
Jensen beamed. " I do," he said softly.
"And this is what you want...this tiny farm and living with a man?"
"I can't think of anything I'd rather have."
"Well, Jensen, that's all that matters, I guess."
****
Jensen was grilling steaks when Jared pulled open the backdoor. "Hey," he greeted him with a kiss. "Hey," Jared answered, his tone weary. "Busy day?" Jared nodded. "Lots and lots of new calves and foals. Take's more time." He shrugged, leaning against Jensen as he studied the sizzling food.
"Go change, and I'll have everything ready. Oh, and will you grab the salad when you come back out?" Jared nodded as he went. Jensen had put plates and condiments on the picnic table already, and he pulled two beers out of the cooler.
He had just plated the sirloins when Jared stepped back outside in cargo shorts and an old t-shirt. He set down the salad, and leaned in to give Jensen another kiss before they began to eat. Jensen was quiet throughout the meal, listening as Jared told him about his day.
Finally, as they gathered their plates, Jensen broke his silence. "My father came here today." Jared raised an eyebrow, opening the door to let Jensen go before him. Harley and Sadie followed them down the hall, familiar with the nightly routine.
Jared began filling the sink with hot water as Jensen scraped their plates. "Yeah," he said softly as he handed Jared dishes to wash. "He didn't stay long. He had a plane to catch. Business in Portland, but he just wanted to, I don't know, check on me? It was strange."
"Strange?"
Jensen bit his lip as he moved to rinse dishes and place them on the drying rack. "Yeah. He wasn't angry or snide. He wasn't even judgemental. He already knew who you were, what you do, and that we live together. He just asked me if I was happy."
"What did you tell him?" Jared smiled as he glanced at Jensen. Jensen shrugged as he took a plate from Jared's soapy hands. "I told him the truth, and I don't think I've ever done that before. Actually," Jensen mused, "I don't think we've ever really had a conversation before. Just briefings."
Jared gave him a soft kiss, nuzzling his cheek before he went back to the dishes. "Anyway, I told him that I love you, that I like my life here. I told him I was happy, Jared. That's all."
Jared handed him the last dish to rinse. "Good," was all he said. They put their small kitchen in order, and moved into the living room. Sadie and Harley flopped down at their feet as the settled onto the couch. Jensen curled himself into Jared's side as they flipped through channels.
He didn't make it through the second commercial break. Jared's neck was too tempting. "Jared," Jensen mumbled as he began kissing a path down the side of his neck. "Hmm?" "Lets go to bed." Jared grinned, pulling Jensen with him as he stood.
They almost scampered down the hallway. Jared pulled both of their shirts off, and Jensen's nimble fingers had Jared's shorts off just as quickly. Stepping out of his own worn jeans, Jensen lightly shoved Jared back onto their bed.
Jared sprawled out, his naked body like an offering. Jensen crawled up beside him and began kissing his way across Jared's chest. He toyed with the idea of sucking a J in hickeys across Jared's abs, but got distracted when Jared canted his hips up, pressing his cock against Jensen's thigh.
Jensen eagerly took the invitation, scooting down on the bed so he could take the leaking head in his mouth. Jared groaned as Jensen began working his way down the length, stopping occasionally to lick at the vein that ran down the side. He hollowed his cheeks, humming as he bobbed up and down. His fingers slid between Jared's legs to massage his balls.
Jensen finally pulled away, studying Jared. His chest was blotchy and damp with sweat, his cheeks flushed. Smiling, Jensen crawled up to give him a long kiss. "Inside me, please," he said softly, his fingers brushing across Jared's chest.
Jared groaned again before rolling over to grab lube from the nightstand. They'd quit using condoms just a few months ago, and Jensen loved the freedom. He rolled onto his stomach, legs splayed, as Jared began to stretch him.
Long, rough fingers tugged him open, finding his prostate quickly. Jensen pressed his face into the comforter as Jared added a second finger and then a third. Finally, Jared pulled his fingers away, tugging at Jensen's hips. He pushed himself onto all fours, shivering slightly. His balls felt heavy between his legs, and his cock pressed hard against his stomach.
"Jen?" Jared's voice was soft. "Mmm, love you, Jared, " Jensen mumbled. "Love you, too." Jared moved behind him, and Jensen felt the blunt pressure as Jared lined his cock up with Jensen's hole. "Love you like this, you know, opened up and waiting for me. I love how it feels to be inside you." Jared's voice was rough as he began pushing inside. Jensen shuddered, pushing back against Jared.
Jared kept his hands on Jensen's hips as he began to thrust, sharp slaps of his hips as he slammed against Jensen's ass, hitting his prostate. They both moaned as they found a rhythm. Jensen concentrated on the feeling of Jared moving inside him, and the smell of sex that was beginning to pervade the room.
FInally, when Jensen thought he was about to explode from Jared's cock alone, a huge hand moved off his hip and grasped him. "Jensen, baby, come for me," Jared choked out as he jerked him off. Perfectly willing to oblige, Jensen let out a cry and clenched tightly around Jared's cock as he came.
Jared cried out as Jensen's muscles seized around him, and his hips stuttered. Jensen could feel heat spreading inside him, and he smiled slightly as he began to come down from the high that sex always left him with.
Jared pulled out slowly, and Jensen moved to lay down on his side. Jared collapsed beside him, and the two men lay panting for several moments. Jensen eventually rolled over and grabbed his abandoned boxers to clean them up, and they snuggled under smooth sheets.
"Jared?" Jensen raised his head slightly from Jared's chest. "Hmm?" Jared sounded mostly asleep. "I think I figured it out." Jensen ran his fingers across Jared's chest as he spoke. "Figured what out?" "Peace, Jared. I think I figured it out."
Jared's eyes opened and he looked down at Jensen. "Really? I thought that you'd abandoned the internet and breathing techniques. Decided it was ineffable." Jensen grinned as he moved to give Jared a light kiss on the lips. "I still think that, really, but I think you were right."
Jared raised an eyebrow as he gazed down at him. "Right, huh? About what?" "Remember when you told me I was looking too hard?" Jared nodded slightly. "Ok, so I think I was trying so hard to find peace that I wasn't just enjoying what I already had; what I have. "
"What you have is pretty great," Jared agreed, waggling his eyebrows and leering. Jensen snorted, rolling his eyes. "Yes, Jared, I mean you. I also mean this farm and the dogs. The town and ...daily life." Jensen sighed. The right words weren't coming.
"So, Jensen, are you happy?"
"Yeah, Jared. I am."
"Well, then, I suppose that's a good place to start finding peace."
Jensen smiled as he pressed his body closer to Jared's. He fell asleep to the sound of his lover's steady breathing and the soft movements of Sadie and Harley as they padded down the hall. Outside, the moon shone over the small, peaceful house.
The End
Comments are a gateway to the peace that so often eludes me....
Sorry. That is really overselling the whole comment factor, but they are awesome and very much appreciated.
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex! Language! Comma abuse!
Disclaimer: I do not own them. They don't even know I exist.
Summary: Jensen discovers that finding peace is not something that you find in a how-to book. He's bought the perfect little farm, adopted the perfect dog, and even tried his hand at gardening, but it's just not quite right. Jared is a irate vet that just wants his dog to stay out of Jensen's yard.
Masterpost
A/N: This takes place about ten months after chapter four. Just so ya know.
Part Five:
Jensen stood on his small front deck, scratching his bare stomach and sipping coffee. He smiled as strong arms slid around his waist, and let himself lean back into Jared. "G' morning," Jared murmured. Jensen turned his head to kiss him, mumbling a greeting against soft lips.
They stood silently for a long time as the sun rose above the pines that Jensen had planted so many months ago. Jared had to get to work soon, and Jensen would head off to the horse farm to check on the animals. Jared had taught him how to feed, groom and care for the horses to a degree, and he was in love with the gentle animals. Their intelligence and gracefulness made him feel some of the contentment that he'd looked so hard to find.
They had moved Jared's clothes and personal items into Jensen's small house and rented Jared's small farm to a young couple getting started. Jensen went to the farm to check on the horses once a week for Jared, and then it was off to the shelter to clean out the dog kennels while Chad tended to the land behind Jared's clinic.
Jared finally pulled away so that he could go inside, and Jensen followed him. They both stepped automatically over the dogs dozing on the kitchen floor, and filled their coffee cups before heading into the bedroom.
Jensen sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Jared tugged his scrubs on. Jared glanced up, smiled, and started lacing his farm boots. It was a traveling day, and Jared would be out on calls for most of his day.
"Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"Does this scare you?"
"No."
"I didn't even tell you what this is."
"You mean us, don't you? This new life you've made. I see you sometimes. You get this look like you think it'll all come tumbling down."
"If it does?"
"Why would it?"
"Jared, you know what my life used to be. I just feel like karma is looking for me, and that I deserve whatever it doles out. I love you. I love this," Jensen gestured around the small room." And I feel selfish for...being happy, I guess."
Jared sat down next to him on the bed. He was quiet for a few moments. "Jensen, I know that you don't lack for resources. We never talk about money, but I'm not dumb. The animal shelter has gotten some pretty amazing donations lately, and I also know that some folks in town have had their mortgages paid off. Old man Kripke called to ask me if I was the one who had a dozen calves sent to his farm last month. It was anonymous, apparently, and he was beside himself."
"That could have been anyone."
"Jensen, I remember telling you how crushed he was when disease wiped out his entire herd. I'm not stupid. You aren't the same man you used to be. I sometimes doubt that you were ever that man, really. You weren't happy, were you?"
Jensen shook his head, leaning into Jared's side. "I'd like to see my sister," he said softly. " I doubt she would like to see me now, though. I never told them why I was leaving. I just left. She was always...nicer than the rest of us."
Jared kissed the side of his head before standing up. "I gotta go to work, but we'll talk about this tonight, okay?" Jensen nodded, returning Jared's goodbye kiss.
****
Jensen stood in the April sunshine and lifted his face to the warmth. It was a beautiful morning, and he was enjoying the quiet. Chad was carefully herding the few cows and horses that were in the pasture into a small barn at the back of the property so that he could mow, and the dogs were intent on the food that Jensen had just put in their bowls. There were only seven dogs at the moment, and they seemed to be thriving. Jensen studied them for a few moments. They were all large animals, and he knew that they would eventually all find new homes. Farmers coming in to get get supplements or medicine often found themselves going home with a new companion that they didn't even realize they'd wanted until they pulled into the clinic.
Life was nice that way, sometimes. Jensen shook himself out of his thoughts and turned back to work. He spent several moments scooping up poop and clearing away scattered food. He locked the dogs inside the kennel before he weed whipped the grassy lot. Nodding his head at a job well done, Jensen let the dogs back out before leaving them to play in the sun.
He carefully checked that the kennel was closed and made his way to the small shed that housed the riding mower and various tools. He spent the rest of his morning helping Chad maintain the property. The smell of mowed grass made Jensen almost giddy as he worked, and he shrugged at the strange looks Chad gave him.
Jensen finally left as the day moved into afternoon. He didn't really have any other plans for the day. He'd always had a saver's mentality when it came to money, and he'd spent enough years ruthlessly making a profit off of other's sorrow. He knew he was set for life, and he didn't know quite what to do with himself sometimes.
****
Jared and Jensen spent a lot of their time outside as April turned into May. It had been a big decision on Jared's part to give up living on his own land, and it scared Jensen more than he cared to admit. Jared had been so calm about the entire process as they'd moved his things into Jensen's small house, and he craved the ease that Jared seemed to exude.
Sometimes, though, it just made him want to slap a bitch. He was beginning to accept that he would always have guilt for the way he'd been before he'd moved, before he's seen how much he was missing. He just wished that there was an easier way. Jensen had wanted peace more than anything. He'd given up everything he knew to pursue it, and he had honestly thought that it was a tangible goal to have.
Finding peace wasn't the Easter egg hunt he'd thought it would be. He was beginning to realize that peace was more than feelings, more than actions taken, and wasn't even what he thought peace should be. Peace was something he'd have to take one moment at a time. It was a hard lesson, and Jensen was just beginning to realize how far he had left to go.
They had expanded the garden Jensen had begun the year before, and Jensen found himself spending most of his afternoons tending the small plants that pushed themselves out of the dark soil. The impala got deluxe treatment, and he even took online classes on classic car maintenance so she could get the care she deserved.
Jared thought it was hilarious, but Jensen didn't care. She was his girl, dammit, and she deserved the very best. Jared had rolled his eyes when Jensen had told him that, and made him swear not to say such things in front of Sadie.
****
It was a Tuesday afternoon. That was when Jensen's past finally found him. His father was sitting on his front porch when he came home from the groccery store. Jensen pulled his truck up beside a gleaming black sedan, got out slowly, and grabbed the bag of food out of the passenger seat. His mind felt numb as he walked up the small path to meet his father.
Alan stood up, brushing his pressed slacks, and waited silently as Jensen came up to him. Jensen studied him as he came to a stop. Alan looked the same as he always had. Hair carefully trimmed and styled, golden tanned skin wrinkled slightly around eyes as green as Jensen's, and nails that shone from weekly manicures.
"Jensen," Alan said evenly.
"Sir," Jensen said, carefully matching his tone.
"Are you going to invite me inside?"
Jensen nodded and walked around his father to open the front door, He rarely ever locked it anymore. Jared had suggested that anyone desperate enough to rob them would just be disappointed anyway. Looking around his small kitchen, Jensen had to agree. Everything he owned was second hand or obsolete. He had lost interest in the latest in technology or name brands, and it showed.
He led his father into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Alan stood in the doorway for a few moments, studying the room as Jensen moved around. The room was full of light, clean, and had Jensen's small herb garden in one window. Jared made a lot of jokes about special brownies, but Jensen loved it.
Turning around, Jensen steeled himself as he met his father's eyes. "What brought you here, sir?" Alan smiled slightly, his eyes calm. "I came to see you, son. Why else would I be here?"
Jensen frowned, turning back to pour coffee. They both drank it black, and he laughed softly to himself as he moved to hand a mug to his father. It had an advertisement for Jared's clinic on the side. He motioned to the table, and the two men sat down across from each other.
Jensen fiddled with his cup as they sat silently. Alan finally cleared his throat. "You left rather unexpectedly, Jensen. Your mother, she worries about you. We've known you were here for quite some time, but we had thought that you would eventually contact us."
Jensen nodded, biting his lip. He wasn't quite sure what to say. He'd left his job, his family, and everything else so abruptly that there had been no goodbyes.
"Honestly, sir, I didn't think about contacting you. I figured that it would be less...pleasant to know the truth."
"Unpleasant?" Alan raised an eyebrow.
Jensen sighed. "Yeah, unpleasant is a good word for it. My life here--this land-- isn't really Park Avenue."
Alan sipped his coffee, his forehead creased in thought. "The coffee is good," he finally said. "This house, you like living here?"
Startled, Jensen glanced up. This wasn't the conversation he had been expecting. Where was the admonishment? The carefully worded guilt trip? The intimidation?
Easily reading Jensen's expression, Alan laughed softly. "Jensen, you're a grown man, you make your own decisions. I'd like to see your house, actually. May I have a tour?" Jensen blinked. His mind was reeling. His father was famous for his brutal way in a boardroom and his ability to disassemble entire companies for immense profit. He was not known for his genteel manners and fatherly ways.
"Yes, of course." Jensen pushed back his chair and Alan stood with him. Jensen gestured around the kitchen. "I haven't done much, just stocked the shelves, really. These are the original cabinets. We stained them this winter, but it was just a protectant."
Alan's eyebrows rose slightly when Jensen said we, but the younger man didn't notice as he led his father into the living room. "I found most of the furniture at this great little second hand store in town. Jeannie runs it, and her husband makes these amazing rocking chairs. I'm on his waiting list."
Alan followed Jensen down the hall to the simple bedroom. "Bedroom, obviously," Jensen said and Alan glanced in before going back down the hall. They went back through the living room and out the back door. Jensen showed him the garden before leading him to the pen where Harley and Sadie were waiting impatiently to be let out.
"Harley and Sadie," Jensen spoke over the excited barking as he pointed. He pulled open the gate and let the dogs tumble onto the lawn. "They sleep inside, and they aren't much in the way of guard dogs, but I love 'em."
Jensen bent to scratch behind Harley's ears as Alan's eyes swept across the yard.
"The man you live with, where is he?"
Jensen froze. He didn't want to lose the fragile peace that they seemed to have, but he'd begun to realize something as he's showed his father around. He was making a life for himself. He knew the name of every clerk in the feed supply store, the best way to change an air filter in a '67 Chevy, and how to make an amazing fudge cake that made Jared swoon.
Jensen had found what he was looking for, and he hadn't even realized it. Peace wasn't feeling zen every moment, it wasn't living without flaws, and it wasn't atonement.
Maybe peace wasn't just about being happy and serene all the time. Maybe peace was something else entirely.
Jensen stood up slowly. "Jared is at work. He's a vet."
"Those his scrubs in the laundry basket?"
Jensen snorted. His father was one observant bastard. "Indeed, they are. We live together."
"You love him?"
Jensen beamed. " I do," he said softly.
"And this is what you want...this tiny farm and living with a man?"
"I can't think of anything I'd rather have."
"Well, Jensen, that's all that matters, I guess."
****
Jensen was grilling steaks when Jared pulled open the backdoor. "Hey," he greeted him with a kiss. "Hey," Jared answered, his tone weary. "Busy day?" Jared nodded. "Lots and lots of new calves and foals. Take's more time." He shrugged, leaning against Jensen as he studied the sizzling food.
"Go change, and I'll have everything ready. Oh, and will you grab the salad when you come back out?" Jared nodded as he went. Jensen had put plates and condiments on the picnic table already, and he pulled two beers out of the cooler.
He had just plated the sirloins when Jared stepped back outside in cargo shorts and an old t-shirt. He set down the salad, and leaned in to give Jensen another kiss before they began to eat. Jensen was quiet throughout the meal, listening as Jared told him about his day.
Finally, as they gathered their plates, Jensen broke his silence. "My father came here today." Jared raised an eyebrow, opening the door to let Jensen go before him. Harley and Sadie followed them down the hall, familiar with the nightly routine.
Jared began filling the sink with hot water as Jensen scraped their plates. "Yeah," he said softly as he handed Jared dishes to wash. "He didn't stay long. He had a plane to catch. Business in Portland, but he just wanted to, I don't know, check on me? It was strange."
"Strange?"
Jensen bit his lip as he moved to rinse dishes and place them on the drying rack. "Yeah. He wasn't angry or snide. He wasn't even judgemental. He already knew who you were, what you do, and that we live together. He just asked me if I was happy."
"What did you tell him?" Jared smiled as he glanced at Jensen. Jensen shrugged as he took a plate from Jared's soapy hands. "I told him the truth, and I don't think I've ever done that before. Actually," Jensen mused, "I don't think we've ever really had a conversation before. Just briefings."
Jared gave him a soft kiss, nuzzling his cheek before he went back to the dishes. "Anyway, I told him that I love you, that I like my life here. I told him I was happy, Jared. That's all."
Jared handed him the last dish to rinse. "Good," was all he said. They put their small kitchen in order, and moved into the living room. Sadie and Harley flopped down at their feet as the settled onto the couch. Jensen curled himself into Jared's side as they flipped through channels.
He didn't make it through the second commercial break. Jared's neck was too tempting. "Jared," Jensen mumbled as he began kissing a path down the side of his neck. "Hmm?" "Lets go to bed." Jared grinned, pulling Jensen with him as he stood.
They almost scampered down the hallway. Jared pulled both of their shirts off, and Jensen's nimble fingers had Jared's shorts off just as quickly. Stepping out of his own worn jeans, Jensen lightly shoved Jared back onto their bed.
Jared sprawled out, his naked body like an offering. Jensen crawled up beside him and began kissing his way across Jared's chest. He toyed with the idea of sucking a J in hickeys across Jared's abs, but got distracted when Jared canted his hips up, pressing his cock against Jensen's thigh.
Jensen eagerly took the invitation, scooting down on the bed so he could take the leaking head in his mouth. Jared groaned as Jensen began working his way down the length, stopping occasionally to lick at the vein that ran down the side. He hollowed his cheeks, humming as he bobbed up and down. His fingers slid between Jared's legs to massage his balls.
Jensen finally pulled away, studying Jared. His chest was blotchy and damp with sweat, his cheeks flushed. Smiling, Jensen crawled up to give him a long kiss. "Inside me, please," he said softly, his fingers brushing across Jared's chest.
Jared groaned again before rolling over to grab lube from the nightstand. They'd quit using condoms just a few months ago, and Jensen loved the freedom. He rolled onto his stomach, legs splayed, as Jared began to stretch him.
Long, rough fingers tugged him open, finding his prostate quickly. Jensen pressed his face into the comforter as Jared added a second finger and then a third. Finally, Jared pulled his fingers away, tugging at Jensen's hips. He pushed himself onto all fours, shivering slightly. His balls felt heavy between his legs, and his cock pressed hard against his stomach.
"Jen?" Jared's voice was soft. "Mmm, love you, Jared, " Jensen mumbled. "Love you, too." Jared moved behind him, and Jensen felt the blunt pressure as Jared lined his cock up with Jensen's hole. "Love you like this, you know, opened up and waiting for me. I love how it feels to be inside you." Jared's voice was rough as he began pushing inside. Jensen shuddered, pushing back against Jared.
Jared kept his hands on Jensen's hips as he began to thrust, sharp slaps of his hips as he slammed against Jensen's ass, hitting his prostate. They both moaned as they found a rhythm. Jensen concentrated on the feeling of Jared moving inside him, and the smell of sex that was beginning to pervade the room.
FInally, when Jensen thought he was about to explode from Jared's cock alone, a huge hand moved off his hip and grasped him. "Jensen, baby, come for me," Jared choked out as he jerked him off. Perfectly willing to oblige, Jensen let out a cry and clenched tightly around Jared's cock as he came.
Jared cried out as Jensen's muscles seized around him, and his hips stuttered. Jensen could feel heat spreading inside him, and he smiled slightly as he began to come down from the high that sex always left him with.
Jared pulled out slowly, and Jensen moved to lay down on his side. Jared collapsed beside him, and the two men lay panting for several moments. Jensen eventually rolled over and grabbed his abandoned boxers to clean them up, and they snuggled under smooth sheets.
"Jared?" Jensen raised his head slightly from Jared's chest. "Hmm?" Jared sounded mostly asleep. "I think I figured it out." Jensen ran his fingers across Jared's chest as he spoke. "Figured what out?" "Peace, Jared. I think I figured it out."
Jared's eyes opened and he looked down at Jensen. "Really? I thought that you'd abandoned the internet and breathing techniques. Decided it was ineffable." Jensen grinned as he moved to give Jared a light kiss on the lips. "I still think that, really, but I think you were right."
Jared raised an eyebrow as he gazed down at him. "Right, huh? About what?" "Remember when you told me I was looking too hard?" Jared nodded slightly. "Ok, so I think I was trying so hard to find peace that I wasn't just enjoying what I already had; what I have. "
"What you have is pretty great," Jared agreed, waggling his eyebrows and leering. Jensen snorted, rolling his eyes. "Yes, Jared, I mean you. I also mean this farm and the dogs. The town and ...daily life." Jensen sighed. The right words weren't coming.
"So, Jensen, are you happy?"
"Yeah, Jared. I am."
"Well, then, I suppose that's a good place to start finding peace."
Jensen smiled as he pressed his body closer to Jared's. He fell asleep to the sound of his lover's steady breathing and the soft movements of Sadie and Harley as they padded down the hall. Outside, the moon shone over the small, peaceful house.
The End
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