(no subject)
there. laugh. sanks.
i'm incredibly depressed. it's 2:53am and i think christopher is off having sex with a much prettier girl. i don't think this whole long distance relationship thing is working. i'm "clinically" depressed as it is. why furthur the horrid feelings with a boyfriend that i can't see or touch or smell? i'm not saying i don't want to be with him. i'm saying that, given circumstances, i don't think i should be with him. iduno what to do. if i tell him that, he'll just think i'm trying to get rid of him and then convince me that we should stay together despite our distance.
i want friends. i want people that will go to vala's pumpkin patch with me and run screaming from the corn fields at the slightest mention of children of the corn. i want people that will ask me to walk with them in the freezing cold just to get a coke in a bottle. i want people that will jump in a hotel swimming pool in just underwear with me and then get caught by squealing children and their parents and laugh it off.
god i would kill for those people back.
those memories must mean much more to me than to them. maybe they've already forgotton. or maybe i was so blinded by my love for them, that i didn't see anything the way it really was.
whatever the case, i want those people back. i don't think my life will ever be better than it was then. ever.
god i'm such a pathedic loser.