RP LOG: [Jounouchi and Kisara]
SUMMARY: Jounouchi's skipping class and it's Kisara's lunch period. She heads up to the roof only to see everyone's favorite angsty boy Jou. They talk, Jou gets a tad confused and...things happen. Yes. ;|
After a week, Jounouchi Katsuya had become accustomed to the dull ache that resounded in his hollow chest. He was at school now, and Mai was somewhere here as well. He'd even seen her pass by a couple of times, but he hadn't said anything to her, nor had he stuck around long enough for her to talk to him. He didn't want to hear it.
And now, Jou was up on the roof of the school once again, skipping out on a class that he wouldn't have paid attention in anyway. He stood leaning against the chain fence that surrounded the roof, looking down at the dirty concrete with his hands shoved in his pockets as the wind blew his hair around his face. His head told him it was the right move, but he couldn't help but think....
Pushing the thought aside, he looked up at the blue sky and sighed, and halfway wondering how upset he'd be in the rusty fence behind him gave out.
Kisara held her lunch bag in her pale hand as she hurried up the stairs to the roof. With the new semester, she and Seto didn't have the same lunch period. It was upsetting for a moment but she'd gotten used to it - it wasn't like she never saw him anyway.
Her usual eating spot was empty 98% of the time, so when she opened the door and begun to sing to herself, she didn't think much of it.
Jou hadn't heard the door open, but he noticed the familiar sound of his friend's voice. He managed a faint smile as he looked over, but it was rather lackluster compared to his normal friendly grins. "Well, Kisara. Fancy seein' you here," he said.
"In Cyberland we only drink - oh, Jou-kun!" Kisara whirled around to him and flailed, a bit pink in the face. She was embarrassed for a few seconds before she remembered this was good ol' Jounouchi. Kisara smiled and headed over to him. "Hello~ Skipping class, I assume?"
His smile faded into a half smirk. "You assume right," Jou told her dully. "How's your day been? Haven't seen you around in a while."
Kisara noticed that he didn't sound quite right but didn't mention it. "Fine, fine...typical day. And it feels like forever!" she brightened and sat herself down, leaning her back against the fence. "We have catching up to do," she laughed a bit and pulled out a chip bag.
"Hm," Jou muttered, looking down at her before going back to the sky. The wind kept blowing the clouds around, and he got sort of lost in them. "How's Seto?" he mindlessly asked, not realized what a give away it really was. Since when did he care how Moneybags was?
Kisara blinked a few times and looked up at him. The way the wind was moving his bangs made him look rather attractive but she kicked that thought away as soon as she had it. There were more pressing matters at hand. "...Jou-kun, are you sick?"
It took him a moment to answer, mostly because it took him a minute to realize how incredibly stupid it was of him to ask that. "...No. No, I'm fine," he shook his head, forcing a soft smile. "Guess I was just sort of spacing out or something."
Kisara frowned a bit before patting the empty concrete next to her. "C'mon, sit down. It's hard to talk to your knee caps."
Jou just looked at her a moment. Damn her. Damn her and her ability to get him to talk about things. Against his will, Jounouchi sat down next to Kisara, casually bringing his knees up and putting his arms around them as he leaned against the fence. "That better?" he asked, only half-caring if it did.
She smiled. "Much." Kisara was silent for a few moments in hope that Jou would start talking. Of course that was just wishful thinking. "So, um...how's Mai-chan?"
"..." Jou paused. That question hurt more than it should have. He looked at Kisara in a bit of a daze for a moment before defensively shaking his head. "Don't..." he said, before he felt the need to stand up and walk off a bit. "...Don't ask me that," he more pleaded than demanded.
Kisara bit her lip. This...was definitely not the Jou-kun she knew. "O-Okay..." Did they have a fight? She hadn't talked to Mai in what must've been about two weeks... Kisara desperately wanted to know what was wrong but hated seeing Jou like that. "I-I'm sorry. Come back and sit with me?" she asked in the sweetest voice she could muster at the moment.
He glanced back over to Kisara, but hesitated in returning to the spot. After a moment, he begrudgingly complied, sitting back with Kisara against the fence, though he refused to look in her direction. Jounouchi remained silent for quite some time, occupying himself with his hands. But Kisara deserved to know; she helped him so much before, and he couldn't very well hold out on her. She'd find out sooner or later anyway. With a deep breath, he tentatively told her in a heavy tone, "I...broke up with her."
Her eyes widened. That just had to be some sort of joke. Jou would never...! But the look on his face proved that he wasn't making this up - plus, it wouldn't have been a very funny joke for anybody. "Oh Jou-kun..." Kisara reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I-I'm sorry..."
Jou forced a small laugh, shaking his head a little. The last thing he wanted was pity. "Don't be," he said, trying to sound friendly. "It just wasn't...it wasn't..." he tried to finish the sentence, but found it too difficult. "....I had to. That's all."
She let out a soft sigh. "I see..." Biting her lip, she put her lunch down and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm here for you, okay? If you want to talk..." She knew it was the generic response that probably didn't mean much to anybody anymore, but she really did mean it.
"..." Jou paused for a minute, but was unable to turn to her. He kept his eyes partially focused on the fence at the other side of the roof, looking a bit dazed. He gave a sad smile, letting his head fall a bit. "...I know," he softly told her, lifting his head to smile down at her before repeating, "I know."
Kisara felt herself blush despite herself. Oh, stop it! So he's still incredibly gorgeous, get over it. Pause. Oh, stupid hormones. She smiled a bit. "Good then."
He smiled at her another moment. She's still cute....if I hadn't known Mai when I met her.... Jounouchi thought to himself, before quickly banishing the idea. He HAD been with Mai...and now he wasn't. And Kisara was clearly happy with Seto....
...And why was he HAVING this thought at all? Was he really so shallow that he could be single for a week and already having "what if?" thoughts? He still loved Mai; he knew that much. But he had to push it away. "...Yeah," he nodded, letting his head fall. It was meant to make the conversation change, but the act ended up with his forehead being closer to Kisara than he had expected, and soon his sandy blonde hair was resting against her pale white hair as he looked down at the ground between them.
Reikaku Pyro: (( ....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KISARA, HOW ARE YOU NOT JUMPING HIS BONES OUT? *hit* ))
x sakebi x: (( I KNOW WTF ))
Reikaku Pyro: (( Guh D8 ))
Kisara had to catch her breath suddenly. Oh dear... Her pulse quickened considerably. ...who are you kidding, you're liking this. You horrible person you.
"...I hope," he said softly, letting his weary eyes rise to meet hers. "I hope you don't ever have this feeling, Kisara. Really, I do," Jou told her. But then a faint, almost hurt smile crossed his face. "But I doubt you ever will."
Kisara had to put a hand to her chest. "Jou-kun..." she said softly, feeling her throat tighten. She hated seeing him like this...she wanted to see his goofy grin again.
"He'd forgive you for anything," Jou continued, not noticing her flustered state. "Anything you did, Seto would forgive you; he loves you too much to let you go." He was saying this mostly to fill silence, but at the same time he could feel his heart sink further with every word. Why can't you do that for her? "...I guess I was just kidding myself."
"Jounouchi..." she said quietly, reaching out her other hand to his cheek.
Her hand guided him to look back at her, and as much as he tried, he couldn't mask the pain that was clouded in his amber eyes. After looking at her a moment, he shook his head slightly, in a daze of disbelief. "Almost a year and a half," he whispered. "And I told it to walk out my front door after taking back a ring; a ring that said I would marry her." Jou was just rambling at this point, but it felt good to tell Kisara; she could help him through this.
Kisara felt like she might cry. He loved her so much...Kisara knew that whatever had happened must've really hurt him. She had nothing else to say and the pain in his eyes only made her throat get tighter.
"....Maybe I'm stupid for letting this happen," he thought out loud, reaching up and pulling her hand from his face and looking down at it thoughtfully. "Maybe it's my fault."
Her heart would not slow down and it was beginning to get annoying. And that he was holding her hand wasn't helping much. She pushed the thoughts away before she spoke, "You're not, Jou-kun..."
"Hm," he sighed with a slight smile. "You gotta say that." Jou took his free hand and ran it through his hair as the wind had blown it into his face again and he could barely see her hand at all.
Kisara knew her cheeks were bright red and she hated herself for it. This was not the time! I don't want him to look so sad... She gave his hand a little squeeze.
Jounouchi returned the gentle squeeze, the sad smile fading a bit as he looked over at her. He looked at her blushing face for a few moments as the wind messed his hair yet again. "...Seto's a lucky guy," he told her softly. Kisara would never do a thing to hurt him.
Kisara opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Her hand was trembling a bit at his words and the painful tone of his voice was too much for her to bear. Not even thinking about it, she flung herself against his chest. And melted.
Yeah. That broke Jou's sullen mood a bit. He looked down at her, a bit frazzled, but had no energy to push away or ask her why. He just stared at small body as it clung to him, and as his eyes calmed, his hands rested on her back, and he hugged her.
Kisara closed her eyes and clutched at his shirt. "I'm sorry..." Why? Sorry that he's gorgeous? Gosh you're fickle.
Jou was so numb at this point, it didn't bother him in the least. As though it were perfectly natural, he gently placed a hand at her chin and made her look up at him. "Don't be," he said dully, though with the same forced smile he'd had all afternoon.
She bit her lip, still flustered. "Don't smile if you don't mean it...it's really painful to look at."
That caught him off guard a bit, but didn't break his sad focus. "Not as painful as it is to do," he said softly, letting the weak smile fade away.
Reikaku Pyro: (( ....HOLY CRAP JOU YOU'RE SO EMO ))
x sakebi x: (( XDD ))
x sakebi x: (( HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ))
Reikaku Pyro: (( XDDDD ))
"Maybe not to most people," she said softly, finally realizing that his hand was on her chin.
With a slight sigh, his head fell enough that his forehead was pressed against hers. They'd been in positions like this before, but there had been a playful tone then. Now there was nothing there that Jou was feeling. He felt like a puppet, and someone else was directing his actions. ........*cough* 8|;
Kisara had to catch her breath again. "Jou-kun..." she said softly. This was wrong, so wrong, incredibly wrong, freakishly wrong and yet she was making no move to stop it. I have a feeling I'm going to need lots of ice cream after this.
"What?" he breathed numbly. Jou barely understood what he was doing, or WHY. He wasn't trying to initiate anything; but there was no voice in his head telling him to stop.
"I-I...we shouldn't...this..." she whispered dumbly. Whatever shred of logic she had attempted to keep up had vanished, it seemed.
"I'm not doing anything, Kisara," he said huskily. But he knew deep inside this was wrong, and he was doing things that had he been in a more coherent state, he would never be in a position to do.
"A-Ah..." she gulped, his voice making her tremble again. You've wondered what it'd be like to actually kiss him before.
After he took a breath in, Jou caught a familiar scent. He couldn't help but notice that Kisara smelled a bit like Mai. Whether that was real or he was just imagining it, he couldn't decide, but it clouded his judgement enough to make him close his eyes and lean a bit closer. I miss her.
Kisara gulped again and felt her eyes flutter close. He's not thinking straight, this isn't right, he would never...
But in his delirious state, Jou couldn't stop his lips from lightly brushing up against Kisara's if only for a moment. It never occurred to him that Kisara might be upset with him. It was like he was watching the whole even from far away, and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.
Once she felt his lips, her whole mind went numb. That nagging voice stopped and whatever common sense she had left vanished. Almost on reflex, she gently kissed him back.
Without missing a beat, he slightly deepened the kiss just as he had with Mai so many times before. Jou let his head tilt to the side a bit, pushing slightly against her and tracing his hand along her jaw.
Kisara fell into the kiss and clutched at his shirt. It felt a bit different than usual but her brain was too foggy to really care about that at the moment.
His other hand pushed her closer to him, and Jou just let himself go. In his mind, he was just with Mai again, natural as could be. It hadn't occurred to him that this WASN'T Mai, and this WASN'T natural; this could hurt him more than he already was.
Her arms looped around his neck. Seto... she thought briefly, not even remembering that this wasn't Seto who was holding her close.
Jou let his hand go from her neck to her shoulder, softly pulling her even closer and sighing a bit. It was like all his problem never existed, and Mai and he were together as they had always been. Something in the back of his mind was screaming, but he was so exhausted that he ignored it, giving in to the temptation that was in his arms.
Seto's voice was in her mind; it was as if the CEO was holding her close. She knew there was something wrong but her mind was too foggy to think of what it was.
After a few more heated moments, Jounouchi broke the kiss, releasing Kisara a bit. He sighed to catch his breath, and his dazed eyes opened a bit.
.....crap.
Kisara gasped for air and opened her eyes. Which quickly got as wide as saucers. "...J-Jou-kun?" she squeaked and pulled back a bit.
Jounouchi's head hit the chain fence and made it rattle as he stared blankly at Kisara. WHEN THE HELL DID SHE GET HERE?! he thought, his fingers lacing into the fence. Then he remembered how he was alone....and he had told Kisara about his recent breakup...then things got fuzzy. "....Oh, god," he said, feeling like he might be sick. He slipped away from Kisara and walked along the fence, covering his mouth with his hand. "....I am SO sorry," he choked, not even able to look at her. You scew EVERYTHING up.
Kisara touched her lips and shook her head. "N-No! It's not your fault...! I-I..." She felt horrible. For thinking those things when she...and when he was so... Well, let's just add SLUT to my resume.
"No, no really, I just..." he was in utter shock of himself, and he just shook his head as he looked down at the ground. "Jesus christ I'm such a fuck up!" he hissed at himself.
Kisara stood up and shook her head. "Don't say that! It's not true!" She flailed a bit, still incredibly flustered.
"Like hell, I'm not," he snorted, his fingers slipping through the fence as he hung his head and laughed at himself. "I don't even know what I'm doing!"
She stepped towards him and put her hand on his arm. "Jounouchi, it's okay. I'm not mad."
"..." He was still laughing a bit, but stopped when he saw her gentle face. Now she was back to Kisara, the girl he felt like his other sister. "...I'm sorry," he said again, looking almost pathetic. "I didn't mean...."
Kisara shook her head. "Don't be...if anything, I should apologize too," she said a bit shyly, looking down.
"Yeah? What for?" he asked, taking it as a joke on himself. "For me attempting to make out with you?" Jou was as mad at himself as he could be. How could he let this happen?!
"Jou, stop!" Kisara shook him the best she could, biting the inside of her cheek. "Stop blaming yourself!"
"Why the hell shouldn't I, Kisara?!" he screamed at her, not able to control himself. There was no reason to yell at her about this; it wasn't her fault at all. But the frustration he felt was just too great, and he had to do SOMETHING. "I'm the one that's fucked everything up! Me! I lost my family, I lost my job, I lost the only girl I've ever loved, and now I'm losing my friends!" he ranted, then turned around and ran his hands through his hair and paced away a bit as he felt the need to move. "I'm just a screw-up!" he turned back to Kisara. "And that's all I'm ever gonna be!"
Kisara reached out to him before letting what he said sink in. She frowned and walked over to him, stepping in front of him. "Jou-kun..." Before giving him a chance to react, she pulled her hand back and slapped him across the cheek. Not extremely hard but not gently either - just enough to get his attention.
Jou....blinked. Did Kisara just....? Yup. The slight sting on his cheek told him it was true. His eyes glazed a bit, and he felt something in him calm down. Jounouchi reached up and touched his cheek and looked down at Kisara's stern frown, blinking.
"Just...stop. Please. You haven't lost anything," she said to him. "At least not me as a friend." Smiling just a bit, she put her hands on his shoulders. "But beating yourself up over it isn't going to make anything better!"
It took some time for Kisara's words to sink in, but once they did Jou's eyes softened a bit as he looked at her soft smile. "....I can't go back," he said. "It'd be just like if my mom had come back to my dad, Kisara. I...I can't do it."
Kisara frowned again. "But you're not your parents, Jou-kun...if you still love her, you should be with her! Would you want someone else to come by and take her away?"
"...." Of course he didn't! But...he just couldn't let go. "....I gave up the right to care about that when I made her take her key," Jou said dully, his sullen expression returning. He couldn't ignore the situation that he'd seen so often before, and there was never a doubt in his mind that he couldn't have this in his life....even if Mai was apart of it. He took several steps back and shook his head. "It's not my problem anymore." And with that, he walked past Kisara and strode towards the door to the stairwell as the bell rang for the next period.
Kisara watched him go. Sighing, she knelt down and picked up her uneaten lunch. "Jou-kun..."
END
After a week, Jounouchi Katsuya had become accustomed to the dull ache that resounded in his hollow chest. He was at school now, and Mai was somewhere here as well. He'd even seen her pass by a couple of times, but he hadn't said anything to her, nor had he stuck around long enough for her to talk to him. He didn't want to hear it.
And now, Jou was up on the roof of the school once again, skipping out on a class that he wouldn't have paid attention in anyway. He stood leaning against the chain fence that surrounded the roof, looking down at the dirty concrete with his hands shoved in his pockets as the wind blew his hair around his face. His head told him it was the right move, but he couldn't help but think....
Pushing the thought aside, he looked up at the blue sky and sighed, and halfway wondering how upset he'd be in the rusty fence behind him gave out.
Kisara held her lunch bag in her pale hand as she hurried up the stairs to the roof. With the new semester, she and Seto didn't have the same lunch period. It was upsetting for a moment but she'd gotten used to it - it wasn't like she never saw him anyway.
Her usual eating spot was empty 98% of the time, so when she opened the door and begun to sing to herself, she didn't think much of it.
Jou hadn't heard the door open, but he noticed the familiar sound of his friend's voice. He managed a faint smile as he looked over, but it was rather lackluster compared to his normal friendly grins. "Well, Kisara. Fancy seein' you here," he said.
"In Cyberland we only drink - oh, Jou-kun!" Kisara whirled around to him and flailed, a bit pink in the face. She was embarrassed for a few seconds before she remembered this was good ol' Jounouchi. Kisara smiled and headed over to him. "Hello~ Skipping class, I assume?"
His smile faded into a half smirk. "You assume right," Jou told her dully. "How's your day been? Haven't seen you around in a while."
Kisara noticed that he didn't sound quite right but didn't mention it. "Fine, fine...typical day. And it feels like forever!" she brightened and sat herself down, leaning her back against the fence. "We have catching up to do," she laughed a bit and pulled out a chip bag.
"Hm," Jou muttered, looking down at her before going back to the sky. The wind kept blowing the clouds around, and he got sort of lost in them. "How's Seto?" he mindlessly asked, not realized what a give away it really was. Since when did he care how Moneybags was?
Kisara blinked a few times and looked up at him. The way the wind was moving his bangs made him look rather attractive but she kicked that thought away as soon as she had it. There were more pressing matters at hand. "...Jou-kun, are you sick?"
It took him a moment to answer, mostly because it took him a minute to realize how incredibly stupid it was of him to ask that. "...No. No, I'm fine," he shook his head, forcing a soft smile. "Guess I was just sort of spacing out or something."
Kisara frowned a bit before patting the empty concrete next to her. "C'mon, sit down. It's hard to talk to your knee caps."
Jou just looked at her a moment. Damn her. Damn her and her ability to get him to talk about things. Against his will, Jounouchi sat down next to Kisara, casually bringing his knees up and putting his arms around them as he leaned against the fence. "That better?" he asked, only half-caring if it did.
She smiled. "Much." Kisara was silent for a few moments in hope that Jou would start talking. Of course that was just wishful thinking. "So, um...how's Mai-chan?"
"..." Jou paused. That question hurt more than it should have. He looked at Kisara in a bit of a daze for a moment before defensively shaking his head. "Don't..." he said, before he felt the need to stand up and walk off a bit. "...Don't ask me that," he more pleaded than demanded.
Kisara bit her lip. This...was definitely not the Jou-kun she knew. "O-Okay..." Did they have a fight? She hadn't talked to Mai in what must've been about two weeks... Kisara desperately wanted to know what was wrong but hated seeing Jou like that. "I-I'm sorry. Come back and sit with me?" she asked in the sweetest voice she could muster at the moment.
He glanced back over to Kisara, but hesitated in returning to the spot. After a moment, he begrudgingly complied, sitting back with Kisara against the fence, though he refused to look in her direction. Jounouchi remained silent for quite some time, occupying himself with his hands. But Kisara deserved to know; she helped him so much before, and he couldn't very well hold out on her. She'd find out sooner or later anyway. With a deep breath, he tentatively told her in a heavy tone, "I...broke up with her."
Her eyes widened. That just had to be some sort of joke. Jou would never...! But the look on his face proved that he wasn't making this up - plus, it wouldn't have been a very funny joke for anybody. "Oh Jou-kun..." Kisara reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I-I'm sorry..."
Jou forced a small laugh, shaking his head a little. The last thing he wanted was pity. "Don't be," he said, trying to sound friendly. "It just wasn't...it wasn't..." he tried to finish the sentence, but found it too difficult. "....I had to. That's all."
She let out a soft sigh. "I see..." Biting her lip, she put her lunch down and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm here for you, okay? If you want to talk..." She knew it was the generic response that probably didn't mean much to anybody anymore, but she really did mean it.
"..." Jou paused for a minute, but was unable to turn to her. He kept his eyes partially focused on the fence at the other side of the roof, looking a bit dazed. He gave a sad smile, letting his head fall a bit. "...I know," he softly told her, lifting his head to smile down at her before repeating, "I know."
Kisara felt herself blush despite herself. Oh, stop it! So he's still incredibly gorgeous, get over it. Pause. Oh, stupid hormones. She smiled a bit. "Good then."
He smiled at her another moment. She's still cute....if I hadn't known Mai when I met her.... Jounouchi thought to himself, before quickly banishing the idea. He HAD been with Mai...and now he wasn't. And Kisara was clearly happy with Seto....
...And why was he HAVING this thought at all? Was he really so shallow that he could be single for a week and already having "what if?" thoughts? He still loved Mai; he knew that much. But he had to push it away. "...Yeah," he nodded, letting his head fall. It was meant to make the conversation change, but the act ended up with his forehead being closer to Kisara than he had expected, and soon his sandy blonde hair was resting against her pale white hair as he looked down at the ground between them.
Reikaku Pyro: (( ....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KISARA, HOW ARE YOU NOT JUMPING HIS BONES OUT? *hit* ))
x sakebi x: (( I KNOW WTF ))
Reikaku Pyro: (( Guh D8 ))
Kisara had to catch her breath suddenly. Oh dear... Her pulse quickened considerably. ...who are you kidding, you're liking this. You horrible person you.
"...I hope," he said softly, letting his weary eyes rise to meet hers. "I hope you don't ever have this feeling, Kisara. Really, I do," Jou told her. But then a faint, almost hurt smile crossed his face. "But I doubt you ever will."
Kisara had to put a hand to her chest. "Jou-kun..." she said softly, feeling her throat tighten. She hated seeing him like this...she wanted to see his goofy grin again.
"He'd forgive you for anything," Jou continued, not noticing her flustered state. "Anything you did, Seto would forgive you; he loves you too much to let you go." He was saying this mostly to fill silence, but at the same time he could feel his heart sink further with every word. Why can't you do that for her? "...I guess I was just kidding myself."
"Jounouchi..." she said quietly, reaching out her other hand to his cheek.
Her hand guided him to look back at her, and as much as he tried, he couldn't mask the pain that was clouded in his amber eyes. After looking at her a moment, he shook his head slightly, in a daze of disbelief. "Almost a year and a half," he whispered. "And I told it to walk out my front door after taking back a ring; a ring that said I would marry her." Jou was just rambling at this point, but it felt good to tell Kisara; she could help him through this.
Kisara felt like she might cry. He loved her so much...Kisara knew that whatever had happened must've really hurt him. She had nothing else to say and the pain in his eyes only made her throat get tighter.
"....Maybe I'm stupid for letting this happen," he thought out loud, reaching up and pulling her hand from his face and looking down at it thoughtfully. "Maybe it's my fault."
Her heart would not slow down and it was beginning to get annoying. And that he was holding her hand wasn't helping much. She pushed the thoughts away before she spoke, "You're not, Jou-kun..."
"Hm," he sighed with a slight smile. "You gotta say that." Jou took his free hand and ran it through his hair as the wind had blown it into his face again and he could barely see her hand at all.
Kisara knew her cheeks were bright red and she hated herself for it. This was not the time! I don't want him to look so sad... She gave his hand a little squeeze.
Jounouchi returned the gentle squeeze, the sad smile fading a bit as he looked over at her. He looked at her blushing face for a few moments as the wind messed his hair yet again. "...Seto's a lucky guy," he told her softly. Kisara would never do a thing to hurt him.
Kisara opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Her hand was trembling a bit at his words and the painful tone of his voice was too much for her to bear. Not even thinking about it, she flung herself against his chest. And melted.
Yeah. That broke Jou's sullen mood a bit. He looked down at her, a bit frazzled, but had no energy to push away or ask her why. He just stared at small body as it clung to him, and as his eyes calmed, his hands rested on her back, and he hugged her.
Kisara closed her eyes and clutched at his shirt. "I'm sorry..." Why? Sorry that he's gorgeous? Gosh you're fickle.
Jou was so numb at this point, it didn't bother him in the least. As though it were perfectly natural, he gently placed a hand at her chin and made her look up at him. "Don't be," he said dully, though with the same forced smile he'd had all afternoon.
She bit her lip, still flustered. "Don't smile if you don't mean it...it's really painful to look at."
That caught him off guard a bit, but didn't break his sad focus. "Not as painful as it is to do," he said softly, letting the weak smile fade away.
Reikaku Pyro: (( ....HOLY CRAP JOU YOU'RE SO EMO ))
x sakebi x: (( XDD ))
x sakebi x: (( HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ))
Reikaku Pyro: (( XDDDD ))
"Maybe not to most people," she said softly, finally realizing that his hand was on her chin.
With a slight sigh, his head fell enough that his forehead was pressed against hers. They'd been in positions like this before, but there had been a playful tone then. Now there was nothing there that Jou was feeling. He felt like a puppet, and someone else was directing his actions. ........*cough* 8|;
Kisara had to catch her breath again. "Jou-kun..." she said softly. This was wrong, so wrong, incredibly wrong, freakishly wrong and yet she was making no move to stop it. I have a feeling I'm going to need lots of ice cream after this.
"What?" he breathed numbly. Jou barely understood what he was doing, or WHY. He wasn't trying to initiate anything; but there was no voice in his head telling him to stop.
"I-I...we shouldn't...this..." she whispered dumbly. Whatever shred of logic she had attempted to keep up had vanished, it seemed.
"I'm not doing anything, Kisara," he said huskily. But he knew deep inside this was wrong, and he was doing things that had he been in a more coherent state, he would never be in a position to do.
"A-Ah..." she gulped, his voice making her tremble again. You've wondered what it'd be like to actually kiss him before.
After he took a breath in, Jou caught a familiar scent. He couldn't help but notice that Kisara smelled a bit like Mai. Whether that was real or he was just imagining it, he couldn't decide, but it clouded his judgement enough to make him close his eyes and lean a bit closer. I miss her.
Kisara gulped again and felt her eyes flutter close. He's not thinking straight, this isn't right, he would never...
But in his delirious state, Jou couldn't stop his lips from lightly brushing up against Kisara's if only for a moment. It never occurred to him that Kisara might be upset with him. It was like he was watching the whole even from far away, and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.
Once she felt his lips, her whole mind went numb. That nagging voice stopped and whatever common sense she had left vanished. Almost on reflex, she gently kissed him back.
Without missing a beat, he slightly deepened the kiss just as he had with Mai so many times before. Jou let his head tilt to the side a bit, pushing slightly against her and tracing his hand along her jaw.
Kisara fell into the kiss and clutched at his shirt. It felt a bit different than usual but her brain was too foggy to really care about that at the moment.
His other hand pushed her closer to him, and Jou just let himself go. In his mind, he was just with Mai again, natural as could be. It hadn't occurred to him that this WASN'T Mai, and this WASN'T natural; this could hurt him more than he already was.
Her arms looped around his neck. Seto... she thought briefly, not even remembering that this wasn't Seto who was holding her close.
Jou let his hand go from her neck to her shoulder, softly pulling her even closer and sighing a bit. It was like all his problem never existed, and Mai and he were together as they had always been. Something in the back of his mind was screaming, but he was so exhausted that he ignored it, giving in to the temptation that was in his arms.
Seto's voice was in her mind; it was as if the CEO was holding her close. She knew there was something wrong but her mind was too foggy to think of what it was.
After a few more heated moments, Jounouchi broke the kiss, releasing Kisara a bit. He sighed to catch his breath, and his dazed eyes opened a bit.
.....crap.
Kisara gasped for air and opened her eyes. Which quickly got as wide as saucers. "...J-Jou-kun?" she squeaked and pulled back a bit.
Jounouchi's head hit the chain fence and made it rattle as he stared blankly at Kisara. WHEN THE HELL DID SHE GET HERE?! he thought, his fingers lacing into the fence. Then he remembered how he was alone....and he had told Kisara about his recent breakup...then things got fuzzy. "....Oh, god," he said, feeling like he might be sick. He slipped away from Kisara and walked along the fence, covering his mouth with his hand. "....I am SO sorry," he choked, not even able to look at her. You scew EVERYTHING up.
Kisara touched her lips and shook her head. "N-No! It's not your fault...! I-I..." She felt horrible. For thinking those things when she...and when he was so... Well, let's just add SLUT to my resume.
"No, no really, I just..." he was in utter shock of himself, and he just shook his head as he looked down at the ground. "Jesus christ I'm such a fuck up!" he hissed at himself.
Kisara stood up and shook her head. "Don't say that! It's not true!" She flailed a bit, still incredibly flustered.
"Like hell, I'm not," he snorted, his fingers slipping through the fence as he hung his head and laughed at himself. "I don't even know what I'm doing!"
She stepped towards him and put her hand on his arm. "Jounouchi, it's okay. I'm not mad."
"..." He was still laughing a bit, but stopped when he saw her gentle face. Now she was back to Kisara, the girl he felt like his other sister. "...I'm sorry," he said again, looking almost pathetic. "I didn't mean...."
Kisara shook her head. "Don't be...if anything, I should apologize too," she said a bit shyly, looking down.
"Yeah? What for?" he asked, taking it as a joke on himself. "For me attempting to make out with you?" Jou was as mad at himself as he could be. How could he let this happen?!
"Jou, stop!" Kisara shook him the best she could, biting the inside of her cheek. "Stop blaming yourself!"
"Why the hell shouldn't I, Kisara?!" he screamed at her, not able to control himself. There was no reason to yell at her about this; it wasn't her fault at all. But the frustration he felt was just too great, and he had to do SOMETHING. "I'm the one that's fucked everything up! Me! I lost my family, I lost my job, I lost the only girl I've ever loved, and now I'm losing my friends!" he ranted, then turned around and ran his hands through his hair and paced away a bit as he felt the need to move. "I'm just a screw-up!" he turned back to Kisara. "And that's all I'm ever gonna be!"
Kisara reached out to him before letting what he said sink in. She frowned and walked over to him, stepping in front of him. "Jou-kun..." Before giving him a chance to react, she pulled her hand back and slapped him across the cheek. Not extremely hard but not gently either - just enough to get his attention.
Jou....blinked. Did Kisara just....? Yup. The slight sting on his cheek told him it was true. His eyes glazed a bit, and he felt something in him calm down. Jounouchi reached up and touched his cheek and looked down at Kisara's stern frown, blinking.
"Just...stop. Please. You haven't lost anything," she said to him. "At least not me as a friend." Smiling just a bit, she put her hands on his shoulders. "But beating yourself up over it isn't going to make anything better!"
It took some time for Kisara's words to sink in, but once they did Jou's eyes softened a bit as he looked at her soft smile. "....I can't go back," he said. "It'd be just like if my mom had come back to my dad, Kisara. I...I can't do it."
Kisara frowned again. "But you're not your parents, Jou-kun...if you still love her, you should be with her! Would you want someone else to come by and take her away?"
"...." Of course he didn't! But...he just couldn't let go. "....I gave up the right to care about that when I made her take her key," Jou said dully, his sullen expression returning. He couldn't ignore the situation that he'd seen so often before, and there was never a doubt in his mind that he couldn't have this in his life....even if Mai was apart of it. He took several steps back and shook his head. "It's not my problem anymore." And with that, he walked past Kisara and strode towards the door to the stairwell as the bell rang for the next period.
Kisara watched him go. Sighing, she knelt down and picked up her uneaten lunch. "Jou-kun..."
END