Bad Mama

[aubreym]

I spent a good portion of the day thinking about what I was going to write tonight.  More like last night?  Kid stories?  As I dozed with Miriam this afternoon, I had some hazy thoughts about horizons, borderlands between two places - birth and death and sleep

Comments

[twirlgrrl]

For what it's worth, Tai is now the same age Blue was when he started getting aggressive to his teachers at preschool. As you may recall, I ended up finding him a different environment where he and his new teacher could start to work things out. As you may also recall, there was a lot if tension between his dad and me, even on our best days, and while he witnessed only a couple of truly dramatic/intense moments, I really feel that the stress of our home life affected him so much more than I realized at the time. And in B's case the preschool's environment was too uncontrolled and chaotic. Sounds like Tai's preschool may be the opposite!

I don't remember what "your 4-year-old" and "your 5-year-old" have to say about aggression but I'm sure they would be worth digging out.

You say you wish this was something you and Tom could talk about together. Isn't it?

[twirlgrrl]

P.S. I disagree with your title. ;)

This stuff is SO hard. It's hard to know the right thing to do and it's hard to not be able to fix everything. And it's hard to keep being reminded that your kid is an individual, an imperfect one at that, and you can't make his /her life exactly what you would wish for them. Whyyyyyyyy?! HUGS mama. I'm right there with you.

[cerulean_me]

I used to teach preschool before I had kids of my own.

Honestly? I'd guess the school isn't a good fit for him. I have seen AMAZING teachers, in AWESOME classrooms that just were not good fits for some kids... and these otherwise sweet and well behaved kids just get driven nutso by this environment that isn't otherwise bad, just bad for THEM. Also, Tai is at a tough age, where he really can't just level with you and say, "Mom, my teacher and I aren't clicking. She doesn't respect my boundaries. I don't know how to function here, and it makes me feel like I'm losing it." instead, he just loses it, as a not-quite-5 year old is apt to.

Kids are hard. Kids have poor impulse control. These things are NOT reflections on you or how you're doing as a parent. The fact that you are concerned and trying to figure out how to improve things DOES reflect on you as a parent, and I'd say that it seems like you've got this. ;-)

[eac]

My guess is that you probably do need to investigate to see what's going on and work with him (whether it's a bad fit with this teacher, some other pressure, him acting out examples from other kids, or something else) but that's so far from him you being a bad mother or him being a budding delinquent!

Also, my coop experience suggests that this kind of thing seems pretty common in active 4 year old boys. I hope the school hasn't somehow made you feel that Tai's unusually aggressive.