[FANFIC] A BUS WITH NO TERMINATION
As if living in a world of defunct, here I am, sitting in this bus, all alone - if the bus driver doesn’t count. The streets are sliding by, seemingly having the same speed of this old camera film of graphics flashing by in my head. Since when did I become secluded? Since when am I being all alone? Since when have I not feeling the tickles in my heart, feeling excited for first times and last times? Since when… have I not concerning myself to the world? Since when…
This is when I realises the bus got hold up by the red light when it starts to accelerate. The bus doesn’t pause for a stop. This bus has no stops, no numbers, no names, and it’s a bus that leads to no termination. It continues to travel, with me and the empty streets. I’m alone, anyway. The graphics that are flashing like a hundred times fast-forwarded slides show stops. It stops at this particular picture. I started to swim in my mind, eyes closed.
Was it Spring? Or was it Summer? Having no recollection but I sees myself in a seven years-old form, standing on a wooden platform, trying to dictate something to my fellow ‘audience’ - also known as my classmates - as though I’m a key player in any of the wars out there, trying to get hold of dictatorship.
“Hey look! We can’t let them look down on us! We’re seven and their eight. We’re younger, we can’t lose!” I think I did some awkward hand posture while spitting those words out. “We can’t lose this. We will be looked down by them forever! Forever!”
“B-but K-kyuhyun…” A tiny boy who’s known as the ‘fragile boy’ stuttered, ever so timidly. “We don’t have anybody who’s strong in sports.”
“Henry!” He jumped up, eyes wide, but managed to deter himself from squeezing his hamster pet in his hand. “You’re always fearful and uncertain of everything! Why do you even exist in my class?” I pointed at him while I yelled, probably some fifty metres away from him.
“S-sorry…” Eyes brimming with tears, he tried to hold himself from biting his lower lips.
“Okay, listen! No matter what, we will win. WE WILL WIN!”
I was loud.
Naturally everybody started to worship me after we’ve won the match. Of course we’d, we underwent a demonic training afterall. And elementary was everything wild, loud, and foolish for me.
A freshman in middle school - this was when the seniors will start teasing and mocking all the newcomers. It’s a tradition you can’t escape this goes down since several decades ago like why I’d know. Anyway, you just have to accept this and pray hard that your first year goes well and then you can do the bullying next year.
I became quiet.
Gotten into several ‘gang fights’ with my cliques who keep pasting this word called ‘loyalty’ on their lips but when you finally realises, they’ve chewed the word and it’s gone forever living in their bowels, or even shitted out together with their excrement.
Trust no one.
The last year of middle school was quite a brightened journey for me. For once I thought it was really a nuisance to go for medical check-ups every week - due to some, for what people could say, permanent injuries, from the intense fights previously. I’d wait in the hospital - even though I was sure I’ve made an appointment - and I’d start to stare at this particular corner of the ceiling.
“Cho Kyu Hyun. Cho Kyu Hyun-ssi.”
“Ah yes,” I approached to the calling nurse. “I am.” I flashed my appointment card and she nodded.
“Kyuhyun-ssi, you’ll have to visit a different room this time. Our hospital made some changes yesterday so Dr. Lee shifted his office.”
“Okay, where do I go then?”
“It’s at the next wing. Try to walk straight and turn to your right until you’ve reached a dead end. You’ll see his room in a jiffy.” She explained while emitting this professional smile on me. I bet she’s feeling tired of it, having to hang that smile ever so professionally every day, to every patients.
“Alright, thanks!”
The hospital was reasonably busy. It wasn’t their fault if I’m lost. (Although I can’t afford to miss this appointment. There are people waiting, afterall.) I passed by countless of wards. Some doors were shut, some weren’t; some had relatives and friends visiting, some were just as empty as they could.
So it happened that one of the ‘empty’ wards had this patient who was facing some problems.
“…Need help?”
He looked up, mouth resembles a gawking expression.
“Uh, could you help me to get that? It fell and I need to go to the bathroom now.”
“Sure.” I bent down and got his fallen walking cane, lying said on the ground.
He smiled and thanked me before holding that stick up and started moving. I wanted to help him further, but it seemed like he doesn’t need any.
He left the ward before me. I got out seconds later and visited Dr. Lee. He apologised for the sudden change and probably thought I got lost or something. I just swept it off with a smile and he smiled back to me. Dr. Lee might be one of those little people whom I’ve met who I talked to the most. Maybe because he felt warm, maybe because he has this smile of assurance, or maybe because he does aegyo well. - He really does it well, very well.
“So Kyuhyun, how’s your preparation for the exams?” He questioned while eyes looking at the papers and his writing hand busy jotting down my performance - in terms of health.
“Pretty bad…”
“Why?”
“I could only score in Math.”
“Oh dear…” He looked up with a pout. - See, I told you he does aegyo well.
“No need for the worry.”
“But I do.”
“Why’d you? Nobody really cares.”
He laughed and pokes my shoulder with this you-are-cheeky-expression, which I categorised it as an aegyo, too.
I bid him goodbye and left the room. Walked back to the same direction I came from, and I couldn’t help but to place my attention on that particular ward. He was lying down, I saw his cane stood at his bedside, he’s blonde, and he’s tanner than me. I stared for thirty seconds, and normal human being typically has this intuition that somebody’s looking at you nearby. So he looked at me, and he smiled, again.
“Consultation’s over?” He initiated the conversation.
“Yeah… I need to be here every week.”
“I see…”
Nothing’s being said. Silence claimed the victory.
“I’ll get -” I tried to make mouth that sentence before leaving, but he charges in, calmly.
“Do you have time?”
“Yeah…”
I picked a stool at the corner of the room and settled myself beside him. So besides his physical appearance, I got to know him more on the insides. His name’s Jongwoon, couple of years older than me, and he’s the only child in his family. We talked for hours, until the sun sets. He promised to help me in my studies since he assured me that he’s good in academics. And I left. - He looked lonely.
Because I thought maybe I’ll try to open my heart.
Consequently, I visited him almost every day and I’d tend to go there straight after school. - It’s convenient that way. Besides doing revision with him, or rather, making him re-teach me everything that I’ve missed out, we got closer and maybe, we’re able to be labeled as ‘friends’, at least. I wanted to know more about him.
Finals are getting unbelievably near and he suggested me not to visit him anymore.
“Stay at home and rest for a day or two. If not you’ll be stressed out.” He smiled. “But you can’t slack off,” He grabbed my wrist and played with my fingers. “Or else these blisters won’t pay off.”
Right, blisters I got from writing too much essays, too much chemical formulas, and notes.
I laughed and assured him not to worry anything.
“I’m a genius afterall.” I shrugged with a grin.
“Then I’m on a higher level than genius.” He pinches my cheeks. “Because I breed geniuses.” He deepened his smile, eyes almost fully covered by his eyelids.
“Okay, I’ll get going.” I got on my feet after I’ve stuffed everything inside my bag. “See you tomo - ah…” Failed to think of something to replace my mistake, I murmured a ‘bye bye’ and started to move.
“Kyuhyun-ah…”
I paused.
“All the best.” I looked back and was expecting that smile he always gives. But no, it disappeared. Vanished. Almost, it seems like it’ll be lost forever. Butterflies formed in my stomach, I couldn’t… breathe.
“Jongwoon-hyung, wh -”
“Get going!” He insisted me out with his hands sweeping in the air. I looked back at him while using the minimum speed I could walk. Until I reached to a point that he’s completely out of my vision, I looked to the front and ambled in deep thoughts.
So I thought people wouldn’t leave me anymore.
“Liar.”
The last day of the exams - supposed to be a hint of freedom, a night to party, and probably a hangover. (In the hospital?) Jongwoon-hyung’s bed was empty, his cane was not there, and there wasn’t a tiny bit of presence of some human beings here except for me. A nurse came by.
“Who are you looking for?”
“Kim Jong Woon-ssi.”
“He transferred to another hospital.” The nurse replied.
“Ah, I see. Thanks.” She left. Room was empty. Silence is taking its toll, and I couldn’t help but to release the first drop of my tear. I needed to make some noise. Just because the silence was too loud that, it pierces into my ears. - It hurts.
“Kyuhyun… Kyuhyun?”
“Ah, Dr. Lee…”
“Haven’t you been on a healthy diet lately?”
“Huh?”
“You’re underweight.”
“I ate.”
“What?
“…I ate.”
“For example?”
Shit, have I not eaten anything for the past few days? No, I can recall the last thing I’ve eaten was…
“Ramyun?”
“How dare you.” Sungmin - also known as Dr. Lee - shot me several types of glare. It was kind of amusing, but at the same time, it’s not. “I’ll give you a table.”
“For?”
“Recording down your three meals on daily basis.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“Do I look like it?” He slammed a piece of paper on the desk. “Disobey it, and you’ll get more check-ups.”
“What!” I whined. “But I finally managed to covert the weekly check-ups to monthly.”
“Maybe this is why your health is worsening.”
“No, I’ll eat. I seriously will. Don’t make me do this. Imagine that I’ve to do this in school…”
“You’re doing it, by hook or by crook. I’ll check. And I know if you cheat.”
I took the paper back and sighed upon closing the door. - This was the closest I could get before getting on to this bus.
“Jongwoon… hyung.” I touch the glass pane. “Rain…”
The bus halts. The rain pours heavier and the sound of it hitting the ground filled the entire atmosphere. I have no idea where I am now, the drabness of the sky swallowed my visionary, and the bus had most probably reached its destination.
“Hey.” I called out to the driver. “Why does your bus doesn’t have any stops?”
Silence.
“And names?”
Silence.
“Why did you stop?”
The sound when somebody budges is heard. The driver unlocks the mini-door and steps out.
I straightened my back and focused forward. The rain is still hitting hard on the grounds and the roof of the bus. We faced each other, but the driver’s cap is deterring me from comprehending how he exactly looks like.
“Because I could only goes to one person’s heart.”
This voice. “Kyuhyun-ah…”
“It has a name. Or was it my name?”
Your name. “Jongwoon-hyung!”
“I stopped, because we’ve reached - the place where we should be.”
“Do you have time?”
“Yeah…”
“Sorry, if I’m troubling you.”
“It’s okay.”
“Do you know this bus of no termination?”
“What about it?”
“I actually imagined it. Because I take buses frequently and once I thought being a bus driver is kind of cool. Anyway, don’t you really hate the feeling of getting off the bus?” I nodded in response, and he continued. “You’ll just want to take a bus that leads to nowhere and you might as well want to live in that bus forever.”
“All alone?”
“Yeah, all alone - if the driver doesn’t count.”
“Then when will it ever stop?”
“When you feel like it.”
“When you feel like it?”
“It’s lonely…” Jongwoon looks down, before lifting his head up again and starts another topic.
-
“I’m all alone. I’m blaming you.” Tears threatening to flow, I’m trying hard to coerce myself. I’m not letting it to fall.
“I’m here, right?”
“You said the bus driver doesn’t count.”
“What about now?” He took off his driver’s cap and uniform.
“You dyed your hair.”
“I’m going simple.” He smiles, ever so genuinely. “You’ve lost weight…”
“I’m on a diet.” I smiled back with a liner of tears streamed down.
He breaks down into laughter and eyes obviously, cannot be seen. I moved forward and motioned my hand to his face, and he stopped laughing.
“I miss you.” He grabbed my fingers and attempts to pull for a hug.
“Yeah, I miss you too.” But before he could do that, I initiated myself and snaked an arm onto his waist, chin resting on his shoulders and tears are getting cocky.
“Did well for the exams?”
“Of course, this is a genius we’re talking about.”
“I see.”
“You can walk now.” I shifted my eyeballs diagonally down.
“Yeah, I’m all good and healthy.” He pats my back and ruffles my hair.
“Good for you, I’m facing a danger of getting more check-ups in the future.”
“Why?” He pulls himself back and eyes on me.
“I’m… underweight.”
“…what have you been eating all these times?”
“Ramyun?”
“How dare you.”
♥ Grrr. Less than five hours of sleep later. Brain is fried and all. ;A; Pardon mistakes- I bet there's a lot.
♥ Comments are truly loved. <3