Fanfic: My Only
Title: My Only
Author: audcline
Pairing: YamaChii
Genre: Comfort, Romance
Summary: How can the second love surpass the first love?
"Yuri... has completely stopped coming over." a guy with a brown hair said with a gloomy look written all over his face. He might seem to be reading but it's quite obvious that he is just continuously turning the pages of the shoujo manga that he recently bought. " What the hell is the reason?" and then threw away the book on the sofa. He look more pissed this time since it's almost been a month since this guy, named Yuri Chinen vaguely confessed his feelings to him. "He never had intention of going out with me from the start?... He was satisfied with just getting to the stage of going out?... He tried going out with me and got tired of it?" Ryosuke tried dialing his phone number and call him.
"Remind me again of who was the one ranting and raving about "falling for me", and "being in love", and "destiny". " but nobody's answering and it pisses the hell out of him and threw away his phone as well. "What is wrong with that guy and even my phone calls aren't being answered? Urgh! I think i need an ice cream to cool down a bit." Ryosuke grab his coat and went out of his apartment. While walking on his way to the convenience store he was reminded again of Yuri.
Yuri was too childish and spoiled when it comes to his actions but too mature when it concerns his thoughts and perspective. He's a littl-...no... he's indeed a sharp tongue and his words are realistic enough that it ruins your own perspective about one thing. It'll make you confused until you give up and agree that he's right and you're wrong. But despite of that I am the only person who's not being deceived by his words and i knew it exactly, yet i never expect that there's exceptions to that... Falling in love.
~**~
"I hardly slept at all last night, I am late in my first class and got scolded for not paying attention to the class. Everything is all his fault!" Ryosuke is feeling upset. It is one of the few days in autumn wherein the cold weather is starting to put things into hibernation. The crimson red leaves fall off freely from their branches and softly lands on the ground. And Ryosuke watches them in silence until they drop safely to the ground but what distracted him was a shadow...a shadow of a guy who's standing near a big tree. He take a look at him and was caught in a big surprised because the figure was not someone else... It was Yuris'.
"Yuri!" he called out his name.
Then Yuri slowly give a gaze on the same direction where Ryosuke is standing in. The brown-haired guy saw the deep rooted grief written all over Yuri's face. His eyes were swollen and he look very gloomy. Wondering what happened, Ryosuke didn't hesitate and run towards Yuri's direction but our little one, step back and run away from Ryosuke.
"Yuri matte...!" Ryosuke shouted and followed Yuri. In every desperate call of Yuri's name, he couldn't stop his self from thinking... thinking of possibilities why did he made such lonesome expression that time. He wanted to know it so bad but how can he understand a thing if that person is running away from him.
"Yuri what's wrong with you? Talk to me!" Ryosuke said and grab Yuri's wrist which the little one resisted.
"No! Let me go!." Yuri exclaimed.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you running away from me?" Ryosuke asked while holding Yuri's wrist a little tighter this time. "If you want to break up just tell it to me directly don't make me wait for nothing, just be honest to me!" he exclaimed.
The word break up pinches the deepest part of Yuri's heart. That word NEVER came to his mind that's why hearing it from the person he love hurts a lot. Yuri, started to shed tears yet Ryosuke wasn't letting go from the grip but slowly loosen it a bit while silently looking at his lover who's crying his heart out. It was a sudden burst of emotion. The more that he wipe those tears away the more it conquers him.
"Ryosuke..."
Yuri felt a warm hand patting his head, but it didn't stop him from crying until...
"Nakanaide..."
That soft voice resonates inside his head and eventually soothe his heart. His tears started to fade but the hand didn't leave his head. Ryosuke was always been there watching... just watching over him. After a while he calmly brush his fingers through Yuri's soft hair and encapsulated him in his arms.
"The great advantage of having nothing is that everything becomes a gain. Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive. "
It is so ironic that I once had nothing in my life. A blank canvass, an empty sheet, a very dull individual. That was how i describe my existence and then suddenly with just a blink of an eye, i woke up and realized that i already had my possession. My very own possession. Yuri unexpectedly came into my life and eversince then i never felt empty anymore. My mind's been fully occupied by the existence of this guy and I found myself drastically changing. He's a big annoyance in my life. But...
I don't hate him... It's just that... It's hard being with him.
Even though the circumstances of knowing him... happened like a domino effect. I experienced the worst of all emotions... I lost opportunities, i gave up into things, i sacrificed and apparently it ruined a portion of my college life. I don't know how to say it but it's just a total mess. But i can't deny the fact that ever since he came into my life his presence...
... just soothe my heart and I'm alright with that.
~**~
In an empty park nearby they chose to spend their time to fully hear and understand the circumstances they're facing through. Ryosuke hand over a can of hot chocolate to Yuri and sit beside him on the bench. Complete silence comes after not until the younger take the first move.
"A-anou..."
"Nani?"
Yuri's hands were shaking and his lips couldn't hide the tension. He has no idea about how will Ryosuke respond once he heard the whole story behind his sudden disappearance. As much as possible he wanted to make sure that at the end of the conversation, once everything had already been voiced out they would still stay as lovers but the possibility that they might not is clearly big enough. And that fact scares him the most.
"Ryosuke, i'm sorry. I'm sorry because i lied to you. I'm sorry because honestly..." Yuri held back and the pressure doubled up inside his chest, but it makes no difference if he stop now, that's why no matter how hard it is for him he continue without looking at Ryosuke.
"...today i went to visit his grave."
What Ryosuke heard pinches his heart, why all of a sudden this thing is coming his way? Why does it need to be him saying it boldly infront of him? Ryosuke's pride is hurt not only that he is also upset since he already got the answers to all his worrisome regarding Yuri's sudden disappearance. He can conclude now that all the tears that he shed was because of his late boyfriend, Ryutaro Morimoto.
"I couldn't dare to face you because it'll be so unfair for you if i say that i'm still into him until now." then tears slowly showed up. "I don't want to hurt you Ryosuke though i am aware that i am already." Yuri sobbed. " But when i heard the word break up from you... I couldn't think of anything...i-i just cried."
"You don't have any idea, do you?" " Ryosuke said while trying to hold back his unexpressed feelings.
"How much i loved you?"
That was what's raging over his head at the moment. He felt like he was betrayed but at the same time he felt the urge to hold into him even more. Ryosuke is now fed up with all the confessions he heard and every heartaches tend to build up inside his chest. "It hurts...hearing it directly from the person you love, how could that wouldn't hurt?" this are the thoughts that were running inside his head.
"I am trying to moved on...I am doing my best to forget him but the more that i try to forget about him the more that it sink into me that i lost him without any last words heard. He's unfair."
"I don't care, just don't make me feel uneasy. I know that i can't compete with him neither i couldn't make you feel happy as how he does it, as a matter of fact I am nothing compare to him... " Ryosuke took a deep sigh of discouragement and continue, "... since the person i love still couldn't forget about him. That bastard why did he let his self die? Such an inconsiderate boyfriend." he added and a sudden grin appears on his face. Yuri was left with unspoken words... He just felt the urge to hold Ryosuke's warm hands and let his tears pours down.
"Ryosuke... Gomenasai. Hounto ni gomenasai."
The brown-haired guy wipe those tears away and landed a soft kiss on the younger's' forehead followed by a tight embrace as if he doesn't want to be away from him again.
"You don't need to forget... just let time heal it... until the time you can live with it, and brings no harm to you."
"Yuri, you're the only possession i have i am obliged to keep you... not for anyone...but only for me. I started living with you and now the thought of being alone, something i'd been so used to, terrifies me."
"Ryosuke... Thank you for loving me."
"How many times should i tell you?... You're my only possession...and i won't love anyone else but you alone." followed by a gentle and passionate kiss that this two has been longing for. A kiss with the feeling of warmth and pure love. Ryosuke is in pain and so with Yuri but this two find their way back to unite again. No matter how the past hurt Yuri and no matter how the trauma conquers him all he need is a Ryosuke who won't compete but who will accept everything wholeheartedly and make new memories with his own unique way.
"Aside from him...i couldn't think of anyone else to spend my life with except... Ryosuke."
FIN...
A/N: One week before the 2nd semester starts, audCline's back! Shame on me! But seriously, i've been into different sh*ts eversince my sembreak started and i'm sorry for all the trouble. Anyways, after a long semi-hiatus i'm back though here i am again informing you guys that school is just around the corner again but compare to the previous semesters this semester will be more lighter since i only have few units and it's actually my last academic semester before my OJT *hopefully*. I want to make a separate post about how's my messy life is going on but i'm still thinking about it. I don't know if everybody's still aware of my existence... *hides* (._.)~
But here's a oneshot fic i made and i don't expect lots of you would like it, you might find it boring or very dull and nonsense or... Yeah... I just want to tell you guys that i'll continue writing, it's not like i totally abandoned my hobby i just can't find my mood and time that's why it took me this long to post something here in my livejournal. And to the newbie here in livejournal, *HIGH FIVE!* hahaha... I felt like i'm a new member... LOL~
I'm not confident with my writing and never been i...but i hope you'll still like it. Apologies for any grammatical errors and misspelled words. No proof reading so please bear with it. I'm sorry for being so loud... I just MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH! *group hug* ^_^
Author: audcline
Pairing: YamaChii
Genre: Comfort, Romance
Summary: How can the second love surpass the first love?
"Yuri... has completely stopped coming over." a guy with a brown hair said with a gloomy look written all over his face. He might seem to be reading but it's quite obvious that he is just continuously turning the pages of the shoujo manga that he recently bought. " What the hell is the reason?" and then threw away the book on the sofa. He look more pissed this time since it's almost been a month since this guy, named Yuri Chinen vaguely confessed his feelings to him. "He never had intention of going out with me from the start?... He was satisfied with just getting to the stage of going out?... He tried going out with me and got tired of it?" Ryosuke tried dialing his phone number and call him.
"Remind me again of who was the one ranting and raving about "falling for me", and "being in love", and "destiny". " but nobody's answering and it pisses the hell out of him and threw away his phone as well. "What is wrong with that guy and even my phone calls aren't being answered? Urgh! I think i need an ice cream to cool down a bit." Ryosuke grab his coat and went out of his apartment. While walking on his way to the convenience store he was reminded again of Yuri.
Yuri was too childish and spoiled when it comes to his actions but too mature when it concerns his thoughts and perspective. He's a littl-...no... he's indeed a sharp tongue and his words are realistic enough that it ruins your own perspective about one thing. It'll make you confused until you give up and agree that he's right and you're wrong. But despite of that I am the only person who's not being deceived by his words and i knew it exactly, yet i never expect that there's exceptions to that... Falling in love.
~**~
"I hardly slept at all last night, I am late in my first class and got scolded for not paying attention to the class. Everything is all his fault!" Ryosuke is feeling upset. It is one of the few days in autumn wherein the cold weather is starting to put things into hibernation. The crimson red leaves fall off freely from their branches and softly lands on the ground. And Ryosuke watches them in silence until they drop safely to the ground but what distracted him was a shadow...a shadow of a guy who's standing near a big tree. He take a look at him and was caught in a big surprised because the figure was not someone else... It was Yuris'.
"Yuri!" he called out his name.
Then Yuri slowly give a gaze on the same direction where Ryosuke is standing in. The brown-haired guy saw the deep rooted grief written all over Yuri's face. His eyes were swollen and he look very gloomy. Wondering what happened, Ryosuke didn't hesitate and run towards Yuri's direction but our little one, step back and run away from Ryosuke.
"Yuri matte...!" Ryosuke shouted and followed Yuri. In every desperate call of Yuri's name, he couldn't stop his self from thinking... thinking of possibilities why did he made such lonesome expression that time. He wanted to know it so bad but how can he understand a thing if that person is running away from him.
"Yuri what's wrong with you? Talk to me!" Ryosuke said and grab Yuri's wrist which the little one resisted.
"No! Let me go!." Yuri exclaimed.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you running away from me?" Ryosuke asked while holding Yuri's wrist a little tighter this time. "If you want to break up just tell it to me directly don't make me wait for nothing, just be honest to me!" he exclaimed.
The word break up pinches the deepest part of Yuri's heart. That word NEVER came to his mind that's why hearing it from the person he love hurts a lot. Yuri, started to shed tears yet Ryosuke wasn't letting go from the grip but slowly loosen it a bit while silently looking at his lover who's crying his heart out. It was a sudden burst of emotion. The more that he wipe those tears away the more it conquers him.
"Ryosuke..."
Yuri felt a warm hand patting his head, but it didn't stop him from crying until...
"Nakanaide..."
That soft voice resonates inside his head and eventually soothe his heart. His tears started to fade but the hand didn't leave his head. Ryosuke was always been there watching... just watching over him. After a while he calmly brush his fingers through Yuri's soft hair and encapsulated him in his arms.
"The great advantage of having nothing is that everything becomes a gain. Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive. "
It is so ironic that I once had nothing in my life. A blank canvass, an empty sheet, a very dull individual. That was how i describe my existence and then suddenly with just a blink of an eye, i woke up and realized that i already had my possession. My very own possession. Yuri unexpectedly came into my life and eversince then i never felt empty anymore. My mind's been fully occupied by the existence of this guy and I found myself drastically changing. He's a big annoyance in my life. But...
I don't hate him... It's just that... It's hard being with him.
Even though the circumstances of knowing him... happened like a domino effect. I experienced the worst of all emotions... I lost opportunities, i gave up into things, i sacrificed and apparently it ruined a portion of my college life. I don't know how to say it but it's just a total mess. But i can't deny the fact that ever since he came into my life his presence...
... just soothe my heart and I'm alright with that.
~**~
In an empty park nearby they chose to spend their time to fully hear and understand the circumstances they're facing through. Ryosuke hand over a can of hot chocolate to Yuri and sit beside him on the bench. Complete silence comes after not until the younger take the first move.
"A-anou..."
"Nani?"
Yuri's hands were shaking and his lips couldn't hide the tension. He has no idea about how will Ryosuke respond once he heard the whole story behind his sudden disappearance. As much as possible he wanted to make sure that at the end of the conversation, once everything had already been voiced out they would still stay as lovers but the possibility that they might not is clearly big enough. And that fact scares him the most.
"Ryosuke, i'm sorry. I'm sorry because i lied to you. I'm sorry because honestly..." Yuri held back and the pressure doubled up inside his chest, but it makes no difference if he stop now, that's why no matter how hard it is for him he continue without looking at Ryosuke.
"...today i went to visit his grave."
What Ryosuke heard pinches his heart, why all of a sudden this thing is coming his way? Why does it need to be him saying it boldly infront of him? Ryosuke's pride is hurt not only that he is also upset since he already got the answers to all his worrisome regarding Yuri's sudden disappearance. He can conclude now that all the tears that he shed was because of his late boyfriend, Ryutaro Morimoto.
"I couldn't dare to face you because it'll be so unfair for you if i say that i'm still into him until now." then tears slowly showed up. "I don't want to hurt you Ryosuke though i am aware that i am already." Yuri sobbed. " But when i heard the word break up from you... I couldn't think of anything...i-i just cried."
"You don't have any idea, do you?" " Ryosuke said while trying to hold back his unexpressed feelings.
"How much i loved you?"
That was what's raging over his head at the moment. He felt like he was betrayed but at the same time he felt the urge to hold into him even more. Ryosuke is now fed up with all the confessions he heard and every heartaches tend to build up inside his chest. "It hurts...hearing it directly from the person you love, how could that wouldn't hurt?" this are the thoughts that were running inside his head.
"I am trying to moved on...I am doing my best to forget him but the more that i try to forget about him the more that it sink into me that i lost him without any last words heard. He's unfair."
"I don't care, just don't make me feel uneasy. I know that i can't compete with him neither i couldn't make you feel happy as how he does it, as a matter of fact I am nothing compare to him... " Ryosuke took a deep sigh of discouragement and continue, "... since the person i love still couldn't forget about him. That bastard why did he let his self die? Such an inconsiderate boyfriend." he added and a sudden grin appears on his face. Yuri was left with unspoken words... He just felt the urge to hold Ryosuke's warm hands and let his tears pours down.
"Ryosuke... Gomenasai. Hounto ni gomenasai."
The brown-haired guy wipe those tears away and landed a soft kiss on the younger's' forehead followed by a tight embrace as if he doesn't want to be away from him again.
"You don't need to forget... just let time heal it... until the time you can live with it, and brings no harm to you."
"Yuri, you're the only possession i have i am obliged to keep you... not for anyone...but only for me. I started living with you and now the thought of being alone, something i'd been so used to, terrifies me."
"Ryosuke... Thank you for loving me."
"How many times should i tell you?... You're my only possession...and i won't love anyone else but you alone." followed by a gentle and passionate kiss that this two has been longing for. A kiss with the feeling of warmth and pure love. Ryosuke is in pain and so with Yuri but this two find their way back to unite again. No matter how the past hurt Yuri and no matter how the trauma conquers him all he need is a Ryosuke who won't compete but who will accept everything wholeheartedly and make new memories with his own unique way.
"Aside from him...i couldn't think of anyone else to spend my life with except... Ryosuke."
FIN...
A/N: One week before the 2nd semester starts, audCline's back! Shame on me! But seriously, i've been into different sh*ts eversince my sembreak started and i'm sorry for all the trouble. Anyways, after a long semi-hiatus i'm back though here i am again informing you guys that school is just around the corner again but compare to the previous semesters this semester will be more lighter since i only have few units and it's actually my last academic semester before my OJT *hopefully*. I want to make a separate post about how's my messy life is going on but i'm still thinking about it. I don't know if everybody's still aware of my existence... *hides* (._.)~
But here's a oneshot fic i made and i don't expect lots of you would like it, you might find it boring or very dull and nonsense or... Yeah... I just want to tell you guys that i'll continue writing, it's not like i totally abandoned my hobby i just can't find my mood and time that's why it took me this long to post something here in my livejournal. And to the newbie here in livejournal, *HIGH FIVE!* hahaha... I felt like i'm a new member... LOL~
I'm not confident with my writing and never been i...but i hope you'll still like it. Apologies for any grammatical errors and misspelled words. No proof reading so please bear with it. I'm sorry for being so loud... I just MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH! *group hug* ^_^