Fanfic: Stardust Memory
Title: Stardust Memory
Author: audcline
Genres: Romance, Failed Angst
Pairings: YamaChii
Summary: No matter what the season is...Yuri will always keep on watching over him. (i sucked at summaries.XD)
Underneath the sakura tree where they share the promised of love that no matter what happen it will always be -Ryosuke and Yuri forever. With the midnight sky and the illuminating stars as their witnessed, seems like this overflowing passion has no end. It feels like this unconditional love is for infinity. The love that coincide on each others heart feels like no one -NOTHING- could take it away from them. Despite the fact that both of them are different in nature ... Ryosuke being a full-blood human and Yuri, being the 300 year old - STAR.
Impossible as it may seem but, it is true that Yuri -Ryosuke's beloved fallen star- is a celestial being that suddenly came to earth. And 300 years after he fell on earth, after living differently and being a part of the historical eras he -barely- became normal. Until he reached the 21st century, that's the time he met Ryosuke Yamada a meteorology student who became his gentle lover.
"Ryosuke did you know that when stars die they just disappear like pecks of dust?" Yuri stated.
"Isn't it that when they die, they will give birth to another star? More likely a reincarnation of the one who died." Ryosuke asserted while gently caressing the little one's hand.
"Ne...Ryosuke..."
"Hmmm?"
"Did you know that when a star stayed out of his home for a long long time... He'll disappear...more likely he'll die." Yuri felt the sudden change of mood from Ryosuke's touch. He is not afraid to open this thing now since he already know what is meant to happen very soon. "Just like how ordinary people die, they experience pain and sufferings first, then lost all their senses and forget things then some may loss everything as fast as one blink." he added.
"Yuri stop." Ryosuke said while trying to ruin the heavy mood before it totally conquers them.
"It's still uncertain but it will happen. No matter how much you deny it Ryosuke... It will never stop from happening." Yuri affirmed and touch his lover's left cheek followed by a smile from his heart. "Once i die, the memories of me will no longer live. It will automatically be reset from your mind and to everybody else. You will no longer remember..." Interval of complete silence followed and then all of a sudden droplets of tears start to fall freely from Yuri's eyes. He is so weak and broken. "Ryosuke..." he wept and slowly lean his head at Ryosuke's shoulder feeling tormented.
"...I'm scared, just the thought of not able to remember by the person you love... terrifies me."
Yuri place his right hand on his chest trying to bear the pain while he continuously cry his heart out. Every single tear bring so much pain to Ryosuke who's actually bottling everything inside his chest. It haven't sunk in yet that he himself, will be the reason of the broken promise.
"I'm very sorry Ryosuke..."
...
"Seeing him like this... "
...
I'm sorry...
...
"...feels like..."
...
I'm sorry...
...
"I haven't done enough..."
~**~
" Three hundred sixty five days and still fighting!"
That was what is written on a built-in board at room 146. Ryosuke hold his breathe for a while and release it in a blow, he open the door and greet the person inside with a smile. He went to the hospital as early as 6 am so that he could spend more time there than usual. He quickly change the water at the flower basin so as with the flowers which he bought freshly from the market. Inside his bag was a scissor and a razor.
"Yosh! It's time to trim your hair."
It was a one sunny morning to begin with, the weather is good and the atmosphere seems fine. The hospital was too quiet to the extend that you can't barely hear the footsteps of the hospital personnel coming. Everything is peaceful that time.
"You know what, i got accepted to the University i've been dreaming working of... Waseda University remember? First semester already started and there are plenty of students that really gave me an impression. The faculty im working at are quite not the happy go lucky ones nevertheless im enjoying teaching my students and some side lessons about meteors and stars." Ryosuke grin while telling the same story over and over again. He's half way done from trimming and now focusing with the razor.
"You're hair is kinda long. Good thing i brought this now. I wonder when was the last time i trimmed your hair? 6 months ago? I don't remember." he lift the razor and gently shave the tiny hair that is starting to grow below the chin. After 30 minutes or so everything look perfect. While fixing his things he was surprise to see that it's almost time for his first class. He shove everything inside his bag while in a hurry.
"Ittekimasu ..." and sealed a soft and gentle kiss on the forehead as he dash off from the room where the love of his
life is peacefully sleeping... For exactly a year now.
People believed that a fallen star have the power to grant wishes. It has the ability to make someone's wish come true. But the real thing is it's all in our mind, it's a psychological fact that most of the people doesn't mind believing because for them as long as there's no bad circumstances arising through it then it's ok. I am a astronomical professor yet whenever i gaze up to the night sky it only bring longingness... instead of being hyped up... It only strike me back that the things i love -Stars- are also the reason why im suffering from this emotional anguish.
The moment he fell from his deepest sleep was the time i felt like i also died with him. Everything happened like a domino effect, no matter how i tried fixing each pieces back one wrong move and it will collapse again and again and again. I am losing all my strength, each day that pass lives me uncertain and every tiny lit of hope feels like anytime soon it will disappear and live me in a total black out- Pitch Black.
"Losing him, also means being foreign to this feeling."
With that span of time many things happened. Doctors and nurses told me many times that there is no assurance that he will wake up from this infinite hibernation. Neither his sickness couldn't be detected and they just end up telling me that it was due to a brain failure. What they didn't know is that i know what's the real deal was. I know what's happening better than anyone of them. Yuri- my beloved fallen star- is on the verge of death which even i could not stop from happening. I feel hopeless all this time. But i didn't leave him, i stayed with him all this time but there was a time in my life where i committed the biggest sin in this relationship. While he's there on his death bed, not moving, i was tempted to look back in my real world. The state where i am supposed to be living in. I met different people, i tasted the life with alcohol and club. I met Yuto Nakajima.
In that state of my life i thought Yuri was just a dream. He was just a dream living in my head. And so i stripped down Yuto, i kissed him all over- passionately, i dragged him to bed, but all of a sudden thoughts of this guy that i thought was a mere dream lingers and bring me back into what reality really mean to me. Yuri Chinen was not an imaginary guy in my head, he is real. He is real enough to leave me out of breath when our trembling lips meet, his touch leaves such a comforting warmth all over my body when he tries to conquer me, his eyes mesmerized me and his smile says that he owns me. Yuri is the best possession i ever had in my life and doing such dirty things to someone i just met was a betrayal to the person whom i love. Yuri doesn't deserved this. And so tears dripped down and i didn't hesitate to leave that temptation. I was so broken while dragging myself to the place where i first met the most beautiful star in the galaxy.
I realized that i was so wrong for letting my actions betray my heart. I am too selfish and greedy for taking the chance to let other people fill in the things that you missed. Just because i can't feel your presence... just because i can't hear your voice anymore...just because i can't bear to see you dying...
"I'm sorry it's just that..."
...
...
"I am so sad and alone."
After that incident i never looked back and i realized more that my love for Yuri is still the reason why i never leave nor abandon him all this time. Until one time the doctor said that it's almost been a year since he was confined into that hospital and there's no assurance that he'll wake up so what they said to me was, to end everything to lessen the pain - Mercy Killing. But i did not agree to that decision. I told them that he'll stay here until the time that he will be gone naturally. But i feigned everything, because the more that i fight for him, the more that i am frightened to loss him. It is not the physical loss that i am scared the most, it is the thought that every good and bad memories that i shared with him will disappear as if he never existed in my life.
While sitting beside his bed and holding his hand firm yet gentle , in that spring night where the stars are in it's brightest, i suddenly fell asleep beside the person that i love while our hands are gently intertwine. Then i felt a warm hand caressing my head softly. Followed by a very nostalgic voice.
"Haru..Natsu...Aki...Fuyu..."
A very sweet voice started mentioning the earth's different season.
"No matter what the season is... i'll keep on watching you."
"Yuri?"
Connected by a dream this two has finally reached each other. Ryosuke found his self inside his own dream with Yuri. For this little one it felt like it has been just a day but for the person who stayed beside him and waited for him patiently one year was long enough to keep his self holding. The elder one gently encapsulated his beloved Yuri in his arms. Everything felt nostalgic especially now that he can feel the warmth and the scent of his beloved one. The only proof that he is alive. If only time would allow that moment to pause for a moment while they savour the little time left.
"Ryosuke, thank you. "
That word "thank you" strikes Ryosuke right straight in his heart. It was pleasurably painful. All this time the ichigo lover thought that he haven't done enough. During the time Yuri's existence was still present he always hesitate with everything and it's always been Yuri who's making the move. Ryosuke hesitate a lot and end up turning back from his feelings and letting the moment passrf by without being expressive. But the world suddenly turned upside down and it was a full turned changes when Yuri loss the power to live. The person who stayed beside him was Ryosuke, the person who never abandoned him was Ryosuke.
But at this very moment Ryosuke is happy...happy enough to know that his presence was already enough to give Yuri his short infinity. His love for the little one gave him the power to stay for quite longer than what is expected. One year was long enough, although they' physically lacked something Yuri- Ryosuke's fallen star- felt the love. He felt it despite of the circumstances, With the overwhelming gratitude the elder one couldn't carry his own emotions anymore and he shed tears.
"Ryosuke, all this time..i've been watching you. I've been watching you - my love."
...
"Yuri, can you grant me my last wish?"
...
"Even though my memories of you will be obliterated, and will no longer remember even an inch
of your existence...once i wake up and live for tomorrow...promise me to shine the brightest."
Yuri for the last time before his existence totally disappears he embrace Ryosuke with all his heart. He tighten his arms around him and cherish every passing moment. Living in that world feels surreal but meeting someone like Ryosuke, despite of the time and the world they're living is FATE.
"I promise." and before they part ways Ryosuke pulled Yuri closer and tighter in his arms and pulled out such a heart warming smile before he sealed his last gift... Their last kiss.
"In the morning, i wake up...you'll be gone." - sitting underneath a sakura tree, sleeping safe and sound... tears suddenly fell down at the corner of Ryosuke's eyes. Tears that are now meaningless... - they mean nothing.
In our life's journey there are things in life that are worth remembering...
And some are just worth... looking at.
Because this kind of memories are those vague ones,
... but still... they existed.
FIN.
________________________________
A/N: I am trying to write angst and i think i failed?
I LOVE ANGST it's just that my genre when writing is more on the drama/fluff side i think?
But i hope you guys liked it. My apologies for some typos and if you think my way of writing is
a crap...I'm sorry also. Anyway, Comments are Love, Critics are appreciated of course.
Author: audcline
Genres: Romance, Failed Angst
Pairings: YamaChii
Summary: No matter what the season is...Yuri will always keep on watching over him. (i sucked at summaries.XD)
Underneath the sakura tree where they share the promised of love that no matter what happen it will always be -Ryosuke and Yuri forever. With the midnight sky and the illuminating stars as their witnessed, seems like this overflowing passion has no end. It feels like this unconditional love is for infinity. The love that coincide on each others heart feels like no one -NOTHING- could take it away from them. Despite the fact that both of them are different in nature ... Ryosuke being a full-blood human and Yuri, being the 300 year old - STAR.
Impossible as it may seem but, it is true that Yuri -Ryosuke's beloved fallen star- is a celestial being that suddenly came to earth. And 300 years after he fell on earth, after living differently and being a part of the historical eras he -barely- became normal. Until he reached the 21st century, that's the time he met Ryosuke Yamada a meteorology student who became his gentle lover.
"Ryosuke did you know that when stars die they just disappear like pecks of dust?" Yuri stated.
"Isn't it that when they die, they will give birth to another star? More likely a reincarnation of the one who died." Ryosuke asserted while gently caressing the little one's hand.
"Ne...Ryosuke..."
"Hmmm?"
"Did you know that when a star stayed out of his home for a long long time... He'll disappear...more likely he'll die." Yuri felt the sudden change of mood from Ryosuke's touch. He is not afraid to open this thing now since he already know what is meant to happen very soon. "Just like how ordinary people die, they experience pain and sufferings first, then lost all their senses and forget things then some may loss everything as fast as one blink." he added.
"Yuri stop." Ryosuke said while trying to ruin the heavy mood before it totally conquers them.
"It's still uncertain but it will happen. No matter how much you deny it Ryosuke... It will never stop from happening." Yuri affirmed and touch his lover's left cheek followed by a smile from his heart. "Once i die, the memories of me will no longer live. It will automatically be reset from your mind and to everybody else. You will no longer remember..." Interval of complete silence followed and then all of a sudden droplets of tears start to fall freely from Yuri's eyes. He is so weak and broken. "Ryosuke..." he wept and slowly lean his head at Ryosuke's shoulder feeling tormented.
"...I'm scared, just the thought of not able to remember by the person you love... terrifies me."
Yuri place his right hand on his chest trying to bear the pain while he continuously cry his heart out. Every single tear bring so much pain to Ryosuke who's actually bottling everything inside his chest. It haven't sunk in yet that he himself, will be the reason of the broken promise.
"I'm very sorry Ryosuke..."
...
"Seeing him like this... "
...
I'm sorry...
...
"...feels like..."
...
I'm sorry...
...
"I haven't done enough..."
~**~
" Three hundred sixty five days and still fighting!"
That was what is written on a built-in board at room 146. Ryosuke hold his breathe for a while and release it in a blow, he open the door and greet the person inside with a smile. He went to the hospital as early as 6 am so that he could spend more time there than usual. He quickly change the water at the flower basin so as with the flowers which he bought freshly from the market. Inside his bag was a scissor and a razor.
"Yosh! It's time to trim your hair."
It was a one sunny morning to begin with, the weather is good and the atmosphere seems fine. The hospital was too quiet to the extend that you can't barely hear the footsteps of the hospital personnel coming. Everything is peaceful that time.
"You know what, i got accepted to the University i've been dreaming working of... Waseda University remember? First semester already started and there are plenty of students that really gave me an impression. The faculty im working at are quite not the happy go lucky ones nevertheless im enjoying teaching my students and some side lessons about meteors and stars." Ryosuke grin while telling the same story over and over again. He's half way done from trimming and now focusing with the razor.
"You're hair is kinda long. Good thing i brought this now. I wonder when was the last time i trimmed your hair? 6 months ago? I don't remember." he lift the razor and gently shave the tiny hair that is starting to grow below the chin. After 30 minutes or so everything look perfect. While fixing his things he was surprise to see that it's almost time for his first class. He shove everything inside his bag while in a hurry.
"Ittekimasu ..." and sealed a soft and gentle kiss on the forehead as he dash off from the room where the love of his
life is peacefully sleeping... For exactly a year now.
People believed that a fallen star have the power to grant wishes. It has the ability to make someone's wish come true. But the real thing is it's all in our mind, it's a psychological fact that most of the people doesn't mind believing because for them as long as there's no bad circumstances arising through it then it's ok. I am a astronomical professor yet whenever i gaze up to the night sky it only bring longingness... instead of being hyped up... It only strike me back that the things i love -Stars- are also the reason why im suffering from this emotional anguish.
The moment he fell from his deepest sleep was the time i felt like i also died with him. Everything happened like a domino effect, no matter how i tried fixing each pieces back one wrong move and it will collapse again and again and again. I am losing all my strength, each day that pass lives me uncertain and every tiny lit of hope feels like anytime soon it will disappear and live me in a total black out- Pitch Black.
"Losing him, also means being foreign to this feeling."
With that span of time many things happened. Doctors and nurses told me many times that there is no assurance that he will wake up from this infinite hibernation. Neither his sickness couldn't be detected and they just end up telling me that it was due to a brain failure. What they didn't know is that i know what's the real deal was. I know what's happening better than anyone of them. Yuri- my beloved fallen star- is on the verge of death which even i could not stop from happening. I feel hopeless all this time. But i didn't leave him, i stayed with him all this time but there was a time in my life where i committed the biggest sin in this relationship. While he's there on his death bed, not moving, i was tempted to look back in my real world. The state where i am supposed to be living in. I met different people, i tasted the life with alcohol and club. I met Yuto Nakajima.
In that state of my life i thought Yuri was just a dream. He was just a dream living in my head. And so i stripped down Yuto, i kissed him all over- passionately, i dragged him to bed, but all of a sudden thoughts of this guy that i thought was a mere dream lingers and bring me back into what reality really mean to me. Yuri Chinen was not an imaginary guy in my head, he is real. He is real enough to leave me out of breath when our trembling lips meet, his touch leaves such a comforting warmth all over my body when he tries to conquer me, his eyes mesmerized me and his smile says that he owns me. Yuri is the best possession i ever had in my life and doing such dirty things to someone i just met was a betrayal to the person whom i love. Yuri doesn't deserved this. And so tears dripped down and i didn't hesitate to leave that temptation. I was so broken while dragging myself to the place where i first met the most beautiful star in the galaxy.
I realized that i was so wrong for letting my actions betray my heart. I am too selfish and greedy for taking the chance to let other people fill in the things that you missed. Just because i can't feel your presence... just because i can't hear your voice anymore...just because i can't bear to see you dying...
"I'm sorry it's just that..."
...
...
"I am so sad and alone."
After that incident i never looked back and i realized more that my love for Yuri is still the reason why i never leave nor abandon him all this time. Until one time the doctor said that it's almost been a year since he was confined into that hospital and there's no assurance that he'll wake up so what they said to me was, to end everything to lessen the pain - Mercy Killing. But i did not agree to that decision. I told them that he'll stay here until the time that he will be gone naturally. But i feigned everything, because the more that i fight for him, the more that i am frightened to loss him. It is not the physical loss that i am scared the most, it is the thought that every good and bad memories that i shared with him will disappear as if he never existed in my life.
While sitting beside his bed and holding his hand firm yet gentle , in that spring night where the stars are in it's brightest, i suddenly fell asleep beside the person that i love while our hands are gently intertwine. Then i felt a warm hand caressing my head softly. Followed by a very nostalgic voice.
"Haru..Natsu...Aki...Fuyu..."
A very sweet voice started mentioning the earth's different season.
"No matter what the season is... i'll keep on watching you."
"Yuri?"
Connected by a dream this two has finally reached each other. Ryosuke found his self inside his own dream with Yuri. For this little one it felt like it has been just a day but for the person who stayed beside him and waited for him patiently one year was long enough to keep his self holding. The elder one gently encapsulated his beloved Yuri in his arms. Everything felt nostalgic especially now that he can feel the warmth and the scent of his beloved one. The only proof that he is alive. If only time would allow that moment to pause for a moment while they savour the little time left.
"Ryosuke, thank you. "
That word "thank you" strikes Ryosuke right straight in his heart. It was pleasurably painful. All this time the ichigo lover thought that he haven't done enough. During the time Yuri's existence was still present he always hesitate with everything and it's always been Yuri who's making the move. Ryosuke hesitate a lot and end up turning back from his feelings and letting the moment passrf by without being expressive. But the world suddenly turned upside down and it was a full turned changes when Yuri loss the power to live. The person who stayed beside him was Ryosuke, the person who never abandoned him was Ryosuke.
But at this very moment Ryosuke is happy...happy enough to know that his presence was already enough to give Yuri his short infinity. His love for the little one gave him the power to stay for quite longer than what is expected. One year was long enough, although they' physically lacked something Yuri- Ryosuke's fallen star- felt the love. He felt it despite of the circumstances, With the overwhelming gratitude the elder one couldn't carry his own emotions anymore and he shed tears.
"Ryosuke, all this time..i've been watching you. I've been watching you - my love."
...
"Yuri, can you grant me my last wish?"
...
"Even though my memories of you will be obliterated, and will no longer remember even an inch
of your existence...once i wake up and live for tomorrow...promise me to shine the brightest."
Yuri for the last time before his existence totally disappears he embrace Ryosuke with all his heart. He tighten his arms around him and cherish every passing moment. Living in that world feels surreal but meeting someone like Ryosuke, despite of the time and the world they're living is FATE.
"I promise." and before they part ways Ryosuke pulled Yuri closer and tighter in his arms and pulled out such a heart warming smile before he sealed his last gift... Their last kiss.
"In the morning, i wake up...you'll be gone." - sitting underneath a sakura tree, sleeping safe and sound... tears suddenly fell down at the corner of Ryosuke's eyes. Tears that are now meaningless... - they mean nothing.
In our life's journey there are things in life that are worth remembering...
And some are just worth... looking at.
Because this kind of memories are those vague ones,
... but still... they existed.
FIN.
________________________________
A/N: I am trying to write angst and i think i failed?
I LOVE ANGST it's just that my genre when writing is more on the drama/fluff side i think?
But i hope you guys liked it. My apologies for some typos and if you think my way of writing is
a crap...I'm sorry also. Anyway, Comments are Love, Critics are appreciated of course.