Fanfic: Hear Me (Oneshot)
Title: Hear me
Genres:Light-Angst, Romance
Pairings: Yamada and Chinen
Rating:rated PG-13
Summary:This story is about love. Unexpressed and unuttered love. For they thought they have all the time in the world. They have all the chances... but nothing remain constant. Nothing...aside from old memories.
Silence is that one tight rope that clings unto your neck and strangle your throat to prevent you from saying what must have to say. It holds you back from the words you really wanted to convey. And sometimes, silence is a respond itself. I barely remember how many times Ryosuke told me he loves me, I don't even remember the times he clings to me with a puppy look just to say sorry. I don't have the slightest memory of how many times he scolded me and made me cry. What is clear enough inside my head was a memory of myself not saying anything for all the words he let go for my sake.
~**~
"Yuri, let's try this new strawberry parfait in their menu. It looks cute and they put chocolate truffles on it which is your favorite right? " Ryosuke's excitement sky-rocketed while looking at the café new set of menu. "'They also have waffles to get along with the parfait, isn't it great?" the ichigo lover looks very delighted.
"Unn, let's get that." Yuri nodded excitedly.
"Waiter."
"Yes sir, ready to have your orders?"
"Yes, two strawberry parfait with waffles, the one listed on your new set of menus please."
"Is that all sir?"
"Aah…I almost forget." Ryosuke remembered something, "Separate container for the maple syrup." he added.
"Hai."
Yuri could only gaped when he heard Ryosuke give those last minute instruction to the waiter. It is because Ryosuke know exactly that his princess doesn't want his syrup being splattered all over his plate…he's a little bit OCD. At the back of his head, he want to say thank you for the consideration but he ended up not saying anything, while Ryosuke tugged a very carefree smile on his face while staring at him. After eating in that café, they went to see a movie. While looking for an empty seat Yuri accidentally bumped someone from behind that cause him to fall from the floor and spilled the drink all over. The person whom he accidentally bumped looked angry and almost about to hit him when Ryosuke hold back that raging fist.
"Violence isn't allowed inside the cinema, Sir." Ryosuke reprimanded the old man.
"I-itai." Yuri could only hiss in pain. Upon hearing that tiny painful voice from his lover he snapped and slightly twist that wrist that cause slight paralysis to the old man's hand.
"Damn it! What have you-"
Ryosuke lend his hand to Yuri and help him get up from the floor. "Are you okay Yuri?" he smiled genuinely.
"How many times should I tell not to use violence Mr. Black belter?" the little one chided his ichigo lover being reckless. Ryosuke smiled looking pretty silly that time. He help Yuri get up and pulled him closer to his side. Yuri blushed, but not obvious enough because of the dim light inside the cinema. The ichigo lover pin a death glare to that man and said, "Get your filthy hand off my Yuri!" and leave the cinema right away. They went to the restroom and clean the messed of the spilled drink. Ryosuke grab his handkerchief in his pocket, damp it lightly into the running water and gently wipe Yuri's cheek.
Here I am again…tight lipped. Why is that whenever important circumstances like this arises, it is also the time I am reluctant to speak. Why is it that when words are much needed, I start to doubt myself.
"What are you thinking right now Yuri?" Ryosuke asked caressing his face after wiping it.
"Hmm?"
He's caressing my face…softly…gently with his warm hands. I can only give a silent smile, "N-nothing." I lied. Even though in the depths of my thoughts there were so many things I wanted to say. I'm just hesitant, because I feel like the words playing inside my head isn't necessary.
Ryosuke's expression saddened, he slowly take those hands away from my face followed by a frown. Seems like I said something that cause him to feel that way. His cold expression bore into my head and I couldn't shake it away. Silence comes after, until Ryosuke's phone ring that broke the awkwardness.. He started fishing his phone in his pocket and answered it without hesitations. Ryosuke, distance his self a little from Yuri, and the little one being less suspicious for he knew who would call him at that time. It was from Ryosuke's boss.
He could only sigh heavily, while he stare at him from time to time. Ryosuke hanged up and face Yuri immediately. Standing infront of him, wearing the same expression, Yuri tried to read between the lines.
"Yuri, my boss called up and he ordered me to go to the company as soon as possible…I'm so-"
The moment he started to talk, my mind started to get cloudy and everything is in a slow motion. My ears feel numb, I can see him opening his mouth trying to say something and his expressions are clear enough to tell me that he must go. This commotion inside my head restrains me from hearing his endless explanations. Honestly, I'm slowly getting sick of it.
Yuri end up going home alone. He directly went to their room and lay his exhausted body on the soft and comfortable bed, It hit him directly, the scent of his beloved Ryosuke. He started feeling that small lump inside his throat, and both of his eyes start to feel warm. His body laidback and he let his self-drown from unuttered loneliness.
Flashback...
"Yuri I'll accompany you home first." Ryosuke volunteered.
"N-no it’s okay. I can go home by myself. Don't worry." Yuri said with a little hint of being suppressed.
Ryosuke set a cold stare and again frown. He then turned his back to Yuri, this isn't any unusual scenario anymore between the two. They know it's normal, but for Ryosuke who's more dominant in showing his affection to his partner he knew what he longs for, and that are words from Yuri. Words he longs to hear. Something he could hold unto that would settle his feelings and make him feel more secure. Sometimes, it's tiring when you always push yourself to boundaries for the people you love without having something even just a tad bit appreciation in return. When Yuri remained in silent I start to stereotyped his silence, maybe he's bored, he's tired, he's upset. When I shared something and he just nod I think he's not interested and he was forced to listen to my nonsense. I don't know. I just feel empty, when he shut his mouth I know he's brewing something inside his head. And I am not a mind reader to know that.
Suddenly , Ryosuke heard someone sniffed like someone's crying nearby and without any hesitations he turned back and saw Yuri's eyes were puffed and his nose were red. Seems like he suppressed his self even to the feeling of loneliness he felt. Ryosuke walk his way back to Yuri and encapsulated him in his arms. Yuri silently cried while being held and the more that Ryosuke tighten that embraced the more that Yuri try to hold back- but could not.
I might not understand what are those tears for, but If it means to stay here and not to go then voice it out for me Yuri. Don't lie anymore…please don't hold back. If you want me to stay say it and I' won't go. Say it for God's sake. Please just say it and my whole being will be yours.
But in the end, no words came out from Yuri's mouth. The silent respond he received from his little squirrel murdered his inner self. Ryosuke doesn't feel right, even after Yuri give him a pick on his lips it doesn't feel right even more. Yuri remained untainted up to the very last second. While Ryosuke was inflicted with several emotional pains.
~**~
The smell of his familiar fragrance woke me up from my slumber, with a crumpled sheets and a little dent on his pillow where he slept soundly that night. I stretched out my arm and feel that empty side of the bed. As the sunrays from the open window made me blinked for a couple of seconds before seeing clearly, while the nostalgic morning wind sways the curtain into a slow dance, I opened my eyes…focus… and for the nth time I saw nothing but an empty sheet beside me.
“Was I able to pull off those words?” the memory of yesterday's events comes back to his mind and after a few seconds he shove his face into the pillows and let his disappointment devour him, "- I think not." And heave a deep sigh followed by a silent cry.
Ideal mornings only happen in movies and in fairytales. Where lovers wake up in the arms of their significant other, caressing them, flashing a smile with each other and pinned up butterfly kisses. But those things are far from reality. Way too fantastical for me. Morning coffee and a French toast topped with my all time favorite maple syrup and fruit salsa plus a note sticked to the door of the fridge saying, “You must never skip meal.” It's not like this day is any foreign to me. Almost everyday the same scenario happen. I wake up with an empty bed, prepared food and a note stick to the fridge's door.
Words that we hold back, words that we ended up not telling, words that we chose to forget, words that we prefer unsaid. Those are the words worth hearing. Those are the words worth be said. When you were given the chance, say it, tell it, let that person hear your voice. Let him know, for the heck of it. Don't let silence remained untainted up to the very least.
My phone ring and a familiar name flashed unto the screen. I agitatedly answered the phone with a little smile before saying a word. "Ryo, you should have wake me the moment you arrived last night. I know I was sleeping soundly but I wish you just take time to-"
"Is this Mr. Yuri Chinen?" someone asked over the phone.
"Hai." I said then started to wonder, "Speaking. " I confirmed.
That voice isn't Ryosuke's, it doesn't sound familiar at all. My heart started to pound, a little harder in every beat.
"It's about Ryosuke Yamada." with a devastating tone as he spoke.
"W-what happened to him?"
My eyes suddenly feel the urge to cry. My whole body shuddered, as I pressed myself to the wall contradicting what's my instinct is trying to send my whole body - FEAR.
~**~
He looked at the room and his eyes widened when he saw the commotion inside. He doesn't know what to feel when he saw the vital signs went flat. Everything that is happening inside the room looked like a slow motion in his eyes. He couldn't do anything but to stand still touching the glass wall whispering prayers nonstop in his heart for that person he love, to survive. "Please, don't give up. Not now. Please…Ryosuke…stay with me." and tears started to fall from those crystalline eyes.
And when the doctor announced the time of death, his heart broke silently into shards. "T-this is a lie right?" he felt that lump starting to grow inside his throat, it's even hard to breath, it's hard to even just stay still, he slowly slide down his hand touching the glass wall and fall down into his trembling knees. His whole body is shaking and he can feel his hands sweating cold while it's horribly shaking in fear. Yuri's heart constrict as if it's being squeeze hard. And that feeling of pain and grief, feels long and endless.
At that solitary moment, Yuri try to remember the last time he saw Ryosuke. The last time he talk to him and the last thing he told him. He barely can't remember, even the last time he told him he loves him, or he miss him. Yuri tried to remember over and over but everything seems blurry in his memory. He could only remember the countless times he remained over comfortable with Ryosuke. That he will stay with him until forever. That he still have many chances ahead of him to convey his feelings towards his lover. That he won't lose him. But life is cruel. It takes away your very important possession at the most unexpected time. Without any permission, without considering what will you feel. This is the caste of fate and we will never be prepared for what is bound to happen.
The most painful love there is, is a love left unshown. A love cannot be expressed, affection left unknown. A love that withholds touching, afraid of what it would say, and the most painful thing about unexpressed love is, it never fades away.
"… I'm sorry, my Love."
Fin
Author's Afterwords: This is a birthday fic for Yamada and I'm not trolling when i posted a glimpse of it in facebook. Due to some circumstances i wasn't able to post anything during his birthday. Better late than never right? Apologies for any flaws in this fic. Thank you for reading and i hope you like it nevertheless. ^_^