Broken Wings - Jared/Chris BigBang Fic (5/10)
Chapter Five
Still months after waking, Jared was forced to recount what happened the night he wishes he could forget. He went through periods of not talking to anyone, just laying there in a state between waking and sleep. As time went on, he slowly stopped eating and soon became a shadow of his former self. No one thought too much of it, saying it was natural for him to be down. But angry red lines soon started appearing on his pale white skin and, eventually, more medication was added to the regime, and anything sharp was kept at a distance.
With his eyes closed, Jared soaked up the feeling of another muscled and toned body against his. The feeling tapered off to nothing past his waist, but the security he felt with two strong arms holding him was something he hadn’t experienced for a while and had certainly missed it. Jared sighed, opening his eyes and looking directly into the piercing blue ones belonging to his boyfriend, both smiling at each other before Jared shifted closer to Chris’ warmth, Chris’ arms tightening their hold on Jared. They were laying in Chris’ bed together, both only in their pajama bottoms, exchanging slow kisses and sweet words.
Chris was enjoying the quiet time with Jared, having not even seen him since months ago, and he didn’t want to let him go. His fingers were running up and down Jared’s arms with his fingertips, almost to the point of tickling him, exploring every inch of skin he could. He traced within the palm of Jared’s hand, up past his wrist, and to the soft skin of the inner elbow, enjoying the way it was making Jared shiver. He continued the up past the bicep, feeling the muscle contract on contact, and then made his way all the way back down once more. Each time he passed over the tattooed skin, he pieced together more and more of the puzzle on Jared’s arm, wanting to ask the man the meanings to each piece of work but, ultimately, decided against it.
Travelling up the left arm again, Chris took more notice of the planes, realizing that there were many more bumps then he thought normal. He tried to look to see what they were, but the younger man’s tattoos covered any blemishes that would normally be obvious on the skin, and the light was too dull to tell exactly what it was. He traced his fingers over the long lines of raised skin and soon realized that Jared was becoming increasingly uncomfortable but unable to move.
“Jay?” he asked, his fingers coming to a stop around Jared’s wrist where most of the blemishes seemed to be congregated. “What’s wrong?”
“Please don’t...” Jared whispered softly, not looking towards Chris.
“What is it? You know you can talk to me,” Chris pushed, something nagging at the back of his mind.
“I... I don’t think you’d want to know...” Jared said still avoiding the question.
“You don’t think I’d want to know, or you don’t want to tell me?” Chris asked instead.
“Both? I don’t know. It... it would change things,” Jared sighed, sitting up and away from Chris, pushing his body away to create some distance between the two of them with his hands.
“I know we probably haven’t known each other or been together for too long, but Jared, you’re seriously starting to scare me now. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you act this way before, not even when we are talking about your accident or your injuries...” Chris reasoned.
Jared sat his hands on his lap, holding both of his wrists in his hands close to his body. Jared would have thought it was obvious what the problem was, but Chris wasn’t putting two and two together, and he desperately didn’t want to voice the problem. It was one of his biggest shames, his best kept secret, only Jensen and his family knew about, and not because he had told them, but because they were there through the ordeal.
“Chris... I want to tell you, you deserve to know... but I don’t think I can...” Jared eventually said, still not looking up at the older man.
“Can I look at it?” Chris asked softly. He waited a moment for some sort of response and saw Jared’s head move up and down lightly in agreement.
Chris turned the light in the room up, taking a moment to steel himself for what he was about to see. He crossed his legs in front of him and turned so that he was facing Jared, the other man’s legs sitting oddly out to the side. Carefully, he reached out and picked up Jared’s left hand in his own, bringing it closer to his face to inspect properly. His eyes looked past the bold and distracting colors and patterns, looking at the skin itself, and widened when he finally realized what he was actually looking at. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
The hand itself was littered with small, raised and discolored scars, whether from work or somewhere else was unclear. Moving up to the inside of the wrist, there were several more; all in neat rows and obviously, following one distinct path. Just under the inner elbow was another series of scars, looking almost as if some beast had scratched him there. However, there were too many lines that were too fine and uneven to have been an animal. The one that scared him the most was the large line running from wrist to elbow. It was thicker than the others and was almost dead straight, only a few jagged lines marring the perfection of it. The skin was only slightly raised; however, the width of the scar suggested that it had been much deeper than any other.
Chris gulped at the meaning behind what he was seeing. He carefully placed the arm back into Jared’s lap and picked up the other one, scrutinizing it just as carefully as he had the other one. There were fewer obvious scars on the right arm; however, they were still obviously deliberate. Once Chris had had his fill, he reached over and pulled both hands into his, squeezing them slightly before clearing his throat.
“Are these what I think they are?” Chris asked, also not wanting to put a name to what he was seeing.
Jared chewed on his bottom lip, nodding his head now would be admitting something he had tried to keep buried for years now. Without looking up, Jared’s head once again nodded only slightly, answering Chris’ question. Both men stayed silent, Jared allowing Chris to hold his wrists, feeling the thumbs deliberately rub against the damaged skin.
Never in the seven years since his accident did Jared think anyone would ever be sitting there doing this to him, but Chris seemed to be an enigma or an anomaly of sorts. It wasn’t how he had planned on spending his precious time with Chris, but he also felt somewhat glad that the truth had been brought out with him having to bring it up.
“Oh, Jay...” Chris sighed, closing his eyes while trying to fight the wave of emotions that hit him.
“I... I’m sorry, Chris...” Jared mumbled.
Chris felt Jared try to pull his arms back, most likely wanting to move as far away as possible, but he simply held on tighter, not letting Jared move. There were so many things Chris wanted to say and ask, so many things he had to figure out, but he could barely even get his thoughts straight, let alone know what he should say next.
“Don’t be,” Chris finally said, shaking his head. He opened his eyes and looked at Jared, who was looking away. The young man looked completely defeated, his hands limp in Chris’ and his shoulders slumped. “I can’t say I understand what you went through back then, and I can’t think of any reason why I can be upset about these-” he said stroking over the scars more deliberately, “as long as I know that these are all old...” Chris started.
“They... they are... at least six years...” Jared mumbled; his words barely audible.
“Six years?” Chris asked hesitantly, knowing that the accident happened seven years ago.
“The first anniversary...” was all Jared needed to say.
Chris sighed, only just realizing that the car accident that took Jared’s ability to walk had hit the younger man much harder than he let on to pretty much everyone. Jared seemed like one of those people you read about, the ones that don’t let their ‘limitations’ (if you could even call it that) stop him from doing anything they wanted, the kind of person that inspires other adults and children alike. However, no one ever really got to read the parts when the hero of the story went through days of nurses cleaning them and looking after them and even more days of depression over their situation.
“Does anyone else know about these? Jensen? Sandy?” Chris then asked, not ready to say exactly what he wanted to.
“Um... Jensen, yes, and my parents, but everyone else, Sandy included, no...” Jared answered.
“Okay, Jared, it’s okay... I want you to know that: firstly, no one will hear about these from me, and secondly, if you ever want to talk about it, and I mean whenever, you call me without hesitation,” Chris all but ordered.
“Thank you...” Jared murmured, the tension in his shoulders reducing ever so slightly.
“Always, for now, I won’t ask you anything else, but there are still so many things I want to say and ask... for now, just come back here,” Chris acquiesced, shuffling his body back against the bed’s headboard, never once releasing his hold on Jared’s hands, before pulling Jared back with him, helping him until he was settled in his arms once again.
It took Jared a little bit longer than normal to completely relax in Chris’ arms again, but eventually, he allowed his body to unwind, resting most of his weight against Chris, and for the first time in long, since he can remember, he allowed someone else to bear some of the load from off his shoulders.
Chris brought one of his hands up and ran his fingers through Jared’s long, brown hair, trying his best to sooth the younger man. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” he whispered into Jared’s ear over and over. It wasn’t very long until both men succumbed to the pulls of sleep, Jared first, soon followed by Chris, both men still wrapped up in each other’s arms.
The following morning Chris awoke to an empty bed. The sheets around him were cool and crisp, meaning Jared had left him some time ago. He squashed the momentary panic and listened out for any signs that Jared was still around. He couldn’t hear anything going on around the house and immediately sprung to his feet, going off in search for his boyfriend. He searched the entire house, coming up empty. It seemed as if Jared had just up and left; however, his custom car was still in the drive way, and Chris knew it was all but impossible for Jared to drive anything else.
He walked outside onto the wooden, wrap-around porch and looked across his land, his keen eyes searching for any sign of Jared. It wasn’t obvious, but Chris soon noticed the feint tracks in the dirt, the thin wheel lines pointing down towards his stables. He didn’t give himself a moment to second guess himself, Chris just raced down towards his large, L-shaped stable, hoping that Jared hadn’t really left him.
Chris pushed the large, wooden doors open, subconsciously appreciating the upper body strength Jared must have to have been able to open it the first time, and walked in to the large, airy stables. He absently greeted each horse he passed, their heads sticking out to watch Chris as he moved around. There weren’t many places to hide in here, if any, and slowly his hopes were diminishing that Jared was still around.
He was about to turn around and leave when he heard the quiet whispers coming from near the very last stall, the one that was just around the corner. Not wanting to startle whoever was there, Chris carefully made his way around the corner, stopping when he saw Jared seated in front of the large horse, the largest he owned, talking to it gently while caressing the beast’s face.
“Jay?” Chris asked, slowly coming up to Jared.
Jared’s head whipped up, eyes wide as if he was a kid who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Uh... I’m sorry...” Jared mumbled, releasing the horse and wheeling himself back a bit.
“No, it’s okay. You can stay. I just didn’t know where you were...” Chris said, crouching down in front of Jared, his fingers wrapping around the armrests, stopping Jared before he leant forward to kiss the younger man.
“I shouldn’t have come in here, I’m sorry...”
“I already said it was okay, you just scared me was all, especially with what happened last night. Why are you down here? Couldn’t have been easy to get in, going down the stairs and through the trail?” he asked.
“Usually after a bad night or when I just need a small break, I’ll... well, I’ll seek comfort out of my dogs, but they aren’t here. I noticed your stable when I went outside for some air and just had to come down here...” Jared explained.
“It’s okay, Jared. I understand, whenever you’re here, if you need to, you can always come to the stables. These horses are all gentle giants, especially Paladin here; he’s just a sweetheart,” Chris said, standing back up and patting the large quarter horse’s neck with affection.
Chris left the horse and returned to Jared, leaning down and placing a loving kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. The action warmed Jared’s lips, the younger man licking them as Chris moved back, still tasting the other man.
“Let’s go inside, Jay,” Chris said. “It’s still cold out, and I know you must be hungry by now. I’ll make you pancakes!” he laughed.
“Sounds good,” Jared agreed, patting the horse one last time before turning away, “Help me back?” Jared asked, not specifically asking for help with the wheelchair.
Chris looked at Jared, searching the younger man’s eyes. “Always,” he simply responded, taking hold of the wheelchair handles and pushing Jared out of the stable. He knew what Jared meant, asking for help just then, and he swore to himself that he was going to do everything in his power to help Jared in whatever way he needed.
Next Chapter | Masterpost