Broken Wings - Jared/Chris BigBang Fic (7/10)

[audeamus22]

Chapter Seven

Every now and again, Jared’s family would look at Jared as if they were searching for something, usually during times when he became a little bit more quiet and distant. Jared knew what they were doing. They were checking his arms for any new scratches or scars, making sure in their own way that he hadn’t reverted to his old ways. He hadn’t purposefully hurt himself since the first few times, but that was enough. Forever now, he would be known for harming himself, the scars too obvious to hide with anything other than long sleeves.

The weekend with Chris was amazing, but just like any other time with the other man, the days passed too quickly. Jared had been spending all of his time with Chris, staying up late with the other man and working on his charity pieces. By Sunday night, Jared had obvious bags under his eyes and was suffering from sleep deprivation, having barely slept more than four hours all weekend, so much so that even Chad was worried.

Chris kept shooting Jared worried glances. However, nothing he did got through to Jared, the young man desperate to finish his work without it cutting into his time with Chris. Jared was obviously stretching himself too thin and wasn’t listening to reason.

“I can stay the week, but only if you rest!” Chris bargained Sunday afternoon as he packed his bags to return home.

“I can’t ask you to do that. You have to get back to your work; the ranch needs you,” Jared sighed, watching Chris pack.

“You’re not asking. I’m offering, and that place doesn’t need me. Right now, it has Steve, and I can easily call in for another man to help out,” Chris argued, turning away from his bags and striding over to Jared.

“You can really stay?” Jared asked, his eyes pleading.

“Yeah,” Chris nodded, leaning down and placing a swift kiss to Jared’s lips. “But I want you to get some sleep now, while I make the arrangements,” Chris added seeing Jared yawn.

“I can’t. I have the deadline to meet, and...” Jared started, only to be cut off by another peck.

“I won’t stay if you don’t get some sleep now,” Chris said, running his fingers through Jared’s hair then pushing him towards the bed. He watched Jared climb into bed before leaving him alone, closing the door behind him and dialing Steve’s number.

Jared was restless. He couldn’t sleep; it was still only the afternoon, plenty of time to do more work. As soon as the door was closed, Jared got himself back into his chair and quietly wheeled him out of his room and into his study. He fought back a yawn and moved to pick up his pencil, fumbling with it and letting it drop to the floor under the desk. Jared sighed in frustration and reached down to get it but couldn’t quiet reach. He searched for another pencil but found none and didn’t want to risk leaving the studio in case Chris saw him.

Jared wheeled himself around the table and reached behind the low metal cabinet hoping that the new angle would allow him to reach the pencil better. His fingertips brushed the smooth wood, pushing it slightly further away. He stretched out even further, straining to reach the tool and finally managed to curl his fingers around it. Gripping it tightly in his hand, as if he was scared he was going to lose it again, he quickly pulled his arm back out from the tight space, barely realizing that he had clipped himself against the metal.

A long line, from elbow to wrist, of red immediately sprouted along his arm, a bright contrast against his tattooed skin. “Shit,” he thought, watching the blood slowly ooze out. It took his mind a few moments to catch up before he made a move to staunch the flow. He cradled his arm on his lap and awkwardly rolled himself back towards his desk with one hand (not an easy task), and used some tissues to soak up the blood. Jared rolled his sleeve down over the tissues and, thinking there was enough pressure on it, continued sketching his designs.

Spots started appearing in front of his eyes, but Jared just assumed it was his exhaustion. It had been at least an hour since he snuck out of his room, and he had made some good progress on one artwork. With that in mind, Jared finally decided to listen to Chris and grab a few precious hours of sleep before spending some time with the other man. Jared wheeled himself back into the bedroom, hearing the television on in the other room, without being noticed. His injured arm was throbbing slightly, but Jared pushed the feeling aside, using both hands to get him into his room quicker, however, now pushing the blood faster to his open wound.

With his last reserves, Jared climbed back into his bed and settled in. He removed the bloodstained tissues and haphazardly tossed them away in some direction. Jared closed his eyes and allowed the exhaustion to wash over him, finally succumbing to the pull of darkness. The last thing he thought about was that he should really have cleaned up his arm better.

Chris sat in front of the television, having finished making plans with Steve to be away the whole week and mulled over the idea of checking up on Jared. It had been over two hours, and he hadn’t heard anything from Jared at all, barely even a shift in the bedsprings. He got up from the couch, deciding to quickly check on Jared and made his way over to the closed bedroom door.

He opened the door silently and took in the sight before him. Jared lay sleeping peacefully in the center of the bed, his arms askew and legs slightly twisted. A soft smile graced Chris’ face as he saw how calm and peaceful his boyfriend looked before moving to back out of the room; however, Chris caught sight of something from the corner of his eye which halted his movements. He turned back around and literally saw red.

Chris rushed to his lover’s side, checking him over for any injuries, uncaring if he woke the younger man. Jared was roused out of his sleep by the dip in the mattress, feeling sluggish until he felt the sleeve of his shirt being tugged up.

“Chris? What’s going on?” Jared asked, trying to pull his arm back from Chris’ strong grasp.

“What did you do Jared?” Chris cried, seeing the large gash that ran from wrist to elbow. “Why? Why would you do something like this?” he asked, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes.

“Do what? I don’t understand!” Jared rebutted, still trying to pull his arm back. Jared searched Chris’ face for any clue as to what he was talking about before looking at what Chris was looking at.

His arm had been stained red over the ink of the tattoos, an obvious open wound still slowly seeping blood. It took Jared a moment to remember what had happened and even longer to realize what Chris was thinking. With a final tug, he pulled his injured arm back towards him and cradled in against his chest, keeping the cut out of Chris’ sight.

“It’s not what you think Chris... you have to believe me!” Jared said, desperately trying to convince Chris that he hadn’t tried to hurt himself.

“So what was it then?” Chris asked, jumping back off the bed and backing away from Jared. He started pacing the length of the room, obviously in frustration, trying to sort out the thoughts running through his mind.

“I had gone into the study to work on some pieces after you left and cut my arm on the metal cabinet. I swear it’s nothing like what you’re thinking!” Jared tried to explain.

“And how do you know what I’m thinking?” Chris asked. “It’s because it’s so obvious isn’t it?” he added before Jared could get another word in.

“It’s written all over your face! And it has been since I told you about my past! You always look over my body, searching for any new marks, thinking I’m going to do something. You don’t trust me anymore! You’re waiting for me to hurt myself!” Jared all but yelled.

“Why shouldn’t I?! You’ve done it before! How do I know you won’t do it again?” Chris argued, yelling just as loudly as Jared was.

“You should be able to trust me! You should be able to believe me! I was depressed then. I was young and thought my life was over! But not anymore, I have my shop, my friends and you! I don’t want to ruin that!” Jared said desperately.

“I need... I need to get some air. I just need to get out of here...” Chris sighed, running his hands through his hair before rushing out the door.

Jared flinched as he heard the front door slam shut. He sat there helplessly in the middle of the bed, nowhere near fast enough to get to Chris. He didn’t cry, no matter how much he wanted to, but simply settled himself back into his wheelchair and made his way to the bathroom, quickly wrapping the open cut in gauze and leaving it to stop bleeding. He made his way back to his study and picked up his pencil again, absently sketching out more some designs. Hoping Chris would return.

After waiting for more than an hour, Jared finally decided he needed some air as well. He grabbed his car keys, leaving his dogs with a final pat and left the apartment. He struggled to get his wheelchair into the car in his frustration but eventually managed. Turning the key in the ignition, he sped off without a moment’s hesitation.

Chris returned to Jared’s house not even two hours later. He had stormed around the block, finding a park and cooled off on a bench watching people pass. Thinking back to what Jared had said, Chris realized that he may have been over reacting slightly. The wound didn’t look too bad, and Jared had told him it was just an accident. But Chris couldn’t help it. He had seen the blood and the open wound and had immediately thought the worst. Jared had trusted him, told him his story and how people started treating him differently afterwards, and now, he had done just what Jared said he couldn’t stand.

He dropped his head into his hands and thought about how he could rectify his mistakes. Sighing, Chris flipped open his phone and dialed his best friend’s number, hearing it ring only twice before Steve answered with a quick ‘hello’.

“Hey Steve...” Chris sighed, defeat lacing his voice.

“Chris? Man, what’s up? What’s wrong? Is it Jared?” Steve asked in quick succession.

Jared, Chris thought. There was nothing wrong with Jared. It was him that was the problem. “Jared’s okay, at least I think he is. I think I stuffed up,” he admitted.

“What did you do this time?” Steve asked, not wasting any time by beating around the bush on whatever was troubling his friend.

“He told me something personal a while ago, and now, I think I’ve gone and abused that trust... I threw what he told me back in his face and then stormed out of the house... I don’t know if I’ll be able to fix this...” Chris tried to explain without giving up too many personal details.

“Where are you now?”

“At a park nearby.”

“If you really want to salvage anything from this relationship, you get back to his house now and to him, tell him you’re sorry and work your ass off to get him to believe you and trust you again, you hear me?” Steve all but ordered.

“Yeah, I hear you...” Chris sighed.

“What are you still doing on the phone? Now! Go, now!” Steve laughed.

“Thanks, man, thanks a lot,” Chris said quickly hanging up the phone.

Chris jumped up off the bench, pocketing his phone before running all the way back to Jared’s home, hoping it wasn’t too late. Barely even puffing for air, Chris approached the front door nervously. The car wasn’t in the normal spot as expected, and now, he was getting worried. He tried to open the door and found it unlocked, which worried Chris even more. Jared must have left in a mad rush.

Inside the apartment, there was no sign of anyone being home. Everything was still how they had left it; the television was still on and his bags were still by the door. He closed the door behind him and slumped down into the couch. Pulling out his phone, he dialed Jared’s phone number and waited, hoping Jared would answer. He tried three times, each time his call going to voicemail, before giving up. Now, he just had to sit back and wait and hope that Jared didn’t do anything stupid.

Jared drove like a mad man down the busy streets. He had no real destination in mind but let his subconscious pick the direction. He had been driving for a while when he heard his phone start ringing. He looked away from the road quickly and saw that it was Chris calling him before he tossed the phone into the passenger’s seat, effectively ignoring the older man.

Ultimately, he ended up back at his shop. The place was still open until the late hours for both appointments and walk ins. He parked his car in the back and entered through the backdoor, hoping to avoid any of his crew members. Sandy spotted him immediately. Hearing his car pull in, she rushed over to greet her boss but stopped dead in her tracks when she realized how defeated Jared looked.

“Jay..?” she whispered questioningly.

Jared didn’t respond. He simply shook his head slightly before entering his office and closing the door behind him.

Not to be deterred by his unusual behavior, Sandy followed Jared into his office and closed the door behind her, making sure to lock it. The boss was sitting behind his desk, first aid kit open, and was struggling to bandage his arm. He looked up when she entered and sighed, holding his arm out for her help. Without question, Sandy stepped forward and gently cleaned the cut before wrapping it up in gauze. Once she was finished, she pushed Jared over to the couch and waited for him to settle down on it before joining him, his head resting in her lap as she carded her fingers on one hand through his hair, while the other remained over the bandaged arm.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” she asked. Not demanding or unrelenting, allowing Jared to speak at his own pace.

It took a few moments for Jared to work up any courage to start speaking. “Chris and I had a fight. I don’t know if he’s left for good, but he did leave...” he started.

“Was it because of this?” she asked, stroking the white bandage.

“He took it the wrong way. I told him I’d never do it again, and he saw this and flipped, wouldn’t listen to me and just ran out of the house,” he sighed. Sandy kept her questions at bay, noticing how he had said again but leaving it for the moment.

“Has he tried to call you or anything?” she asked.

“Yeah, while on my way here...”

“I think that means he wants to apologize, sweetie. At the very least, he wants to talk to you. If you think you can drive, maybe you should go back home and hear him out. Most likely he was just worried about you and overreacted, and now he’s realized his mistake and wants to fix things,” she suggested.

“I guess... I’m tired, Sands,” Jared yawned.

“Sleep here. I’ll call Chris, let him know you’re here and see if one of the boys can take you home,” she whispered, seeing Jared’s eyes droop.

“Don’t... don’t tell them anything...” Jared mumbled, already half asleep.

“I won’t, Jay, I promise,” she replied, sliding out from under Jared and walking towards the door.

“Thank you,” Jared sighed before letting himself succumb to sleep.

Chris was almost frantic. He alternated between pacing around the room to sitting still on the couch and watching the door. It had been nearly an hour now, and there was still no word from Jared. He was scared that Jared could have hurt himself more, not necessarily on purpose - he had already made the mistake of thinking that once today and was not going to do it again - but he was driving while angry or sad and was probably not thinking about driving properly.

He was about to try calling Jared again when his cell phone started going off. “Hello? Jared?” he answered quickly, not even bothering to read the display.

“Chris? It’s Sandy. I’ve got Jared here at the shop; he’s sleeping. Now relax, but I don’t think he’s got it in him to drive back. Do you think you’d be able to come here and take him home, or should I see if someone can take him back?” Sandy quickly explained, not giving Chris any time to worry.

“He’s okay, right? I mean, you said he can’t drive... is something wrong?” Chris replied.

“Jared’s as okay as can be expected. He told me you two had a fight, seems like neither one of you two handled it well. I won’t really say anything, Chris, but you better watch how you treat our Jay, or else you’ll have a hell of a lot of people ready and willing to hurt you,” she said as if it was nothing at all.

“Trust me, if I hurt him as bad as I feel I did, then I’d let everyone hurt me... I just need to see him, speak to him, tell him I’m sorry and beg for him to forgive me. I overreacted, I know and...”

“Stop, Chris. You don’t have to tell me all of this, save it for Jared. I’ll see if someone here can bring him home okay? It doesn’t sound like you should be going anywhere from how worked up you sound. Take a minute and calm down, you don’t want to be making things worse, and let him talk at his own pace okay? I know he’s already opened up to you a lot more than he has most of us here, don’t abuse that trust again, okay?” she cautioned.

“Trust me, I won’t,” Chris agreed. They said their goodbye’s and hung up on each other before Chris returned to his spot on the couch, waiting for Jared to return home.

It wasn’t too long after the phone call that Chris heard two car doors slam shut followed by two voices coming from outside the front door. He waited patiently for Jared to open the door, not wanting to rush the man into talking to him until he was ready. Finally, the door opened, and Jared wheeled himself into the large room, patting and reassuring his dogs before shooing them away and facing Chris.

Chris’ breath lodged itself into his throat. His feet brought him forward, and he lowered himself in front of Jared, his hands gripping at Jared’s thighs, almost as if he was preventing the younger man to escape him again. He didn’t let tears roll down from his eyes or let himself breakdown, but he immediately opened his mouth and asked for forgiveness.

“I’m so sorry, Jay. I trust you, I do. I just saw the cut and freaked...” Chris tried to explain.

Jared sighed, he tugged on Chris’ arms and pulled the older man up and onto his lap, wheeling the two of them into his bedroom and closing the door behind them. Chris lay down on the bed, ignoring the bloody tissues, and opened his arms as an offer for Jared to slide into, hoping Jared would accept the offer. Jared didn’t hesitate. He pushed himself out of his chair and into Chris’ arms, loving the feel of them wrapping around his body and holding him close. He wouldn’t be able to live without this, and he knew he was screwed because of it.

“I thought you trusted me...” was all Jared said.

“I do! I overreacted. I know you wouldn’t do something stupid like hurting yourself, and I’m not sure why I did it, but I am so sorry. Fuck, Jay, the thought of you hurting yourself? The thought of you getting hurt, being hurt or just not being around? It kills me! I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you around. It sounds crazy. I mean, we haven’t really known each other for all that long, but I’ve fallen so hard for you...” Chris said all in one breath.

“I know what you mean. I understand it. I mean, I feel the exact same way, but god, Chris, those accusations, they hurt! You hurt me...”

“Never again, I don’t know how, but I will make you trust me again. I promise, nothing like today is ever going to happen again, not if I can help it!” Chris vowed.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep...”

“I don’t...” Chris responded quickly.

“I don’t want you to go,” Jared sighed, burying himself further into Chris’ embrace.

“I won’t.”

“But soon you will, you can’t stay here forever. You have to go look after your ranch and then, I’ll be here alone again. I can’t keep doing this, Chris. I can’t just have you every other weekend...” Jared sighed.

“We’ll figure it out. I swear, we’ll make it work... you could open up a shop closer to me? I could... I could give up my ranch or something...”

“No, you can’t give up that ranch. Those horses and that place, that’s your life...” Jared sighed, “Just like I can’t move shops. Those people I work with, they rely on me...”

“We’ll figure something out. Just don’t give up on me, on us...” Chris begged.

“I don’t think I’d be able to,” Jared agreed. “I really do love you.”

“I love you, too,” Chris sighed, the tension in his body from the entire day finally leaving him with those words spoken by Jared. “Are you feeling okay?” Chris asked after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, just really tired, can we just... lay here for a little while?” Jared asked.

“Sure...” he smiled, running his fingers through Jared’s hair, calming the younger man. “You know, if you told any of my friends back home that I was acting like this, they wouldn’t believe you. To them I’m just this hard ass with no feelings,” Chris chuckled.

“They just don’t know you like I know you. They don’t get to see the sides of you that I get to see. This Chris right here, he’s mine, and no one gets to see that,” Jared replied, his eyes remaining closed.

“I’m yours,” Chris agreed, placing a gentle kiss to Jared’s temple before settling down to let Jared sleep. It was still only early in the evening, but the day had definitely taken its toll on the two men. Both of them feeling the stress finally leave their bodies; they allowed themselves this small moment of peace together.

Next Chapter | Masterpost