fic - The Perks of Being a Wall-Man (3/4)
Title: The Perks of Being a Wall-Man
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8000 (3000 in this part)
Summary: The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Young Justice style! Wally stands on the fringes of life and offers a unique perspective.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
He doesn't remember how it happened. He just remembers running and running and running in the snow before falling over and making a snow angel.
And then he doesn't remember anything for a long time after that. He finds out later in the hospital that the police found him frozen and blue.
And if anyone suspects he did drugs at the party, nobody says anything. It's silent on the drive home from the emergency room and everyone assumes he passed out from running too much.
His father even tells him he runs too much. Wally doesn't know how to do anything else.
They go home and watch Bart's track meet as a family, all corners of all eyes watching Wally.
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The first day back to school, Wally wears his lightning bolt shirt even though he doesn't plan on running. It makes him feel brave. Brave enough to skip class with Dick and Artemis.
"Lookin' sharp, Flash," Dick says with a wink.
"Can I have a cigarette?"
Dick's about to hand him one, but Artemis stops him with a sharp movement.
She looks hard at Wally, eyes narrowed and hand clamping down on his bicep.
"Nothing's wrong, I swear," he lies as he answers her unasked question.
Artemis's eyes never lose their hardened look, but her hand relaxes and finds its way to his shoulder. She's the one to take the cigarette from Dick and give it to Wally and she's the one who lights it, holding the zippo in a way that makes Wally very nervous.
The first taste is soothing and doesn't make him cough at all. Artemis tells him to focus on the smoke, on the cement, on a piece of paper on the ground.
He listens to every word, happy when she smiles at him.
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He's up to ten cigarettes a day. He can't run as far, but it's nothing like New Year's. He thinks it's a fair trade off.
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Barry notices he's not running as much and that all his thoughts when he runs are muddled like smoke. So he asks Wally to visit him in his office and they discuss everything.
Wally feels like an adult in a way that he only does when he talks to Barry. He even smokes a cigarette in the office which Barry allows, but gives him a pamphlet about health risks all the same.
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Iris is very quiet and very moody and when Wally tries to talk to her, she tells him to shut up and leave her alone.
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There's a nude photograph in the school newspaper that week.
Artemis had Roy take the picture and Zatanna slipped into the newspaper. Somehow Wally is the one to distract the other people in the newsroom when Zatanna sneaks it into the printer, and she teases him the whole walk back to Artemis's truck about the blush on his face.
When the paper circulates at the end of the day, Artemis and Zatanna said to keep it a secret that the photograph was Dick. And they all did. Except Dick.
"Feeling the aster, baby!" Dick says over and over again as students walk by, papers in their hands and various looks of amusement and bafflement on their faces.
Wally asks Artemis what that means and she rolls her eyes in a way that doesn't really answer the question at all. Instead Zatanna tells him she thinks Dick wanted the photograph in the paper so Tim could have a photograph of him without it being suspicious. Wally watches Tim buy a paper without even looking at it, so maybe she was right.
They're still standing in the parking lot, Dick dancing and Artemis laughing and Zatanna turning slowly towards Wally.
"You're cute when you blush."
Wally likes girls. He really does. Because they can make him think he looks good when he blushes even though it really only makes him look like a tomato. So that's why he says yes when Zatanna asks him to the Sadie Hopkins dance.
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Wally asks Iris for advice about how to treat Zatanna on their date. She just stays very still and quiet in her room, staring off into space. When he asks her if she's okay, she just tells him she needs to be alone.
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Zatanna is a very interesting person because she has a tattoo that symbolizes her Wiccan religion and wears fishnet stockings like she wants to make someone mad. She is smart and pretty and makes announcements like she could run the world someday.
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Maybe it's wrong, but Wally wants Artemis to be jealous. She's not.
Instead she helps him when Iris is too busy staring off into space.
"Make sure you ask her a lot of questions and don't mind if Zee doesn't stop talking. Tell her that her outfit looks nice and don't buy her flowers. Also, she's had more experience than you, so if she kisses you a certain way, just kiss her back the same way."
"Can you show me?"
"Don't be smart."
"What if I don't want to do anything like that with her?"
"Just say you're not ready."
"Does that work?"
"Sometimes."
Wally suddenly thinks of the Christmas party and wants to ask about the other side of "sometimes." But then Artemis has put up her shackles and armor and Wally knows she wouldn't answer.
He wishes he could stop being in love with Artemis. He really does.
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Wally does go to the dance and he does tell Zatanna how pretty her dress is and he does ask her a lot of question. What he does the most is learn all about her.
Zatanna wants to go to Sarah Lawrence and get a degree in sociology with a concentration in women's studies. She hates high school and wants to explore lesbian relationships. And when Wally smirks a little too much and asks if she thinks girls are pretty, she rolls her eyes in a way that reminds him of Artemis. Her favorite movie is The Illusionist and her favorite color is light blue. She hates Indian summers and misses her mother and wishes her father would let her grow up. She loves ice cream and pizza and magic shows and sometimes she reads the dictionary for fun. She is also fluent in Italian.
She talks all night and the only time she asks him a question is when she asks him if he wants to kiss her good night. He tells her he isn't ready and she says she understands.
Wally doesn't know how many dates you can go on and still not be ready to kiss. He doesn't think he'll ever be ready for Zatanna. Is that normal? He'll ask Artemis.
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Incidentally, Artemis took Dick to the dance after Roy said he was too busy. Wally didn't see it, but he can imagine they had an argument because of the look on Artemis's face when she tells him that Roy said he didn't want to go to some stupid high school dance since he had already graduated.
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After he drops Zatanna off at her house and drives back home, he finds his sister crying in the basement.
It's a different crying than when she told their father she loved John. And it's a different crying than when Wally saw her crying with John at the dance.
It's long and loud and grating and it kind of frightens Wally.
When he speaks to her, he talks quiet and slow in the way that Kaldur taught him.
"Are you okay?"
"Leave me alone, Wally."
"C'mon, you can tell me."
"You wouldn't understand."
"I could try."
"That's a laugh, really."
"I could wake up Mom and--"
"SHUT UP, WALLY. JUST SHUT UP."
And that's when the crying got even worse. She cries with her mouth open wide and hair sticking to her face and when Wally tries to give her the space she wants, she hugs him. She hugs him tight like she's never going to let go and he finds himself hugging her back because when someone hugs you like it's the end of the world you don't let go.
And finally she stops hugging him and her mouth closes and she brushes the hair off her face. And that's when she tells Wally she's pregnant.
Wally doesn't remember much else about the night, but he knows that it's John's baby even if John swears it's not. And he knows that no one else can ever know and no one else ever will.
Iris is eighteen and doesn't need their parents' permission, so Wally promises to drive her to the clinic.
"It's a good think I have a license now," he says, joking a little.
She doesn't laugh.
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He sits in the waiting room of the clinic and wishes he could run. He can control his thoughts when he runs. But he can't move from this spot and all he can think about is his sister.
He thinks about how she used to paint his fingernails and how she took the color off his nails when Bart came home. And how she let him have her microscope when she didn't want it anymore. And how she cried when she found a lizard outside and laughed when Wally ran out the door to look at it. And how she let him watch whatever he wanted on television which didn't happen often but was nice when it did.
He thinks about how her face looked when she thought she was fat. And how it looked when she thought she was pretty. And how it looked when boys told her she was pretty. And how it looked when she liked a boy who wasn't a face on a poster on her wall. And how it looked when she fell in love with that boy.
He wonders what her face will look like when she comes out the door.
Wally can't take the silence in the waiting room and remembers he has cigarettes in the car. So he trades the waiting room for his car, waiting and chain-smoking and crying inexplicably.
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"I can't believe you're smoking!"
Of all the things Iris could have said, she picks the smoking. She yells, face red as her hair, and if she could be angry, then Wally knows her face can't be that different. And that means she's going to be okay.
"I'm going to tell Mom and Dad."
"No, you're not."
And then he watches her same angry face as she thinks about where they are and why they are there and she laughs because Wally is right, she's not going to tell them at all.
She sleeps in the car on the ride home but not before telling him she loves him.
"I love you, too."
"I mean it."
"So do I."
Then she walks inside calm and collected, kisses their father's cheek and tells their mother about the movie they went to see.
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Iris speaks very softly that night when he brings her another pillow and blanket. She tells him she's tired and he understands why. She also tells him thank you and good night.
And then just before she falls asleep and he turns out the lights and leaves her room, she says softer still,
"I want you to stop smoking, you hear?"
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Wally and Zatanna go downtown to watch what she calls an "art" film. According to Zatanna, people only see Hollywood movies and miss articulate movies like this one. Wally's not really sure what the movie said so maybe it wasn't articulate enough. He doesn't tell her that though.
He doesn't say much at all and lets her take him all over downtown, to all her favorite stores. And she talks about each one in a different way, that each place is somewhere she can be exactly the way she wants and this is where she feels like herself. And sometimes she thinks there is nowhere for people like her to go, so she has to make these places for herself.
Wally thinks that even though she is a very small girl, she is very big. Too big for this town and probably too big for college. But he hopes that she can go to college and find the people who watch art films and go to coffee shops and appreciate all the same things she appreciates.
He doesn't tell her this, either.
And maybe he's not supposed to talk at all because she's taking him back to her house. And they sit in a room with golf trophies on the fireplace mantle and it doesn't smell like people live here and she's pouring brandy.
She lights a fire and is very excited in a way that Wally has never seen her be before. She talks about how she loves fires and wants to marry a man and live up north where it snows all the time. This is a side of Zatanna that Wally thinks only a few people have seen before.
They move closer together on the couch, warm with brandy, when she moves one fishnet-covered leg over his. And her hand touched his back, shoulder, neck. And his heart beat very quickly.
"Wally?"
"Uh-huh?"
"Do you like me?"
"Uh-huh."
"You know what I mean?"
"Uh-huh."
"Are you nervous?"
"Uh-huh."
"Don't be nervous."
"Okay."
The world melts away as she sits in his lap and kisses his neck and ears. Then his cheeks. Then his lips. And everything is happening in a sort of distant way, like Wally is watching someone else slide freckled hands under her jacket and someone else is removing her bra. He can't believe this is happening to him.
And when they stop kissing and start breathing, he slides onto the floor because he needs the space. Zatanna moves with him, resting her head on his chest and he's amazed at how warm her skin feels against his and how her breath seems to skid over his stomach.
"Wally?"
"Uh-huh?"
"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"I think you're very pretty."
"Really?"
"Really."
Then she holds him a little tighter and for the first time since he met her, she is silent. She doesn't talk at all. And Wally's thoughts run like his legs cannot and he thinks about how her voice sounded different when she asked if she was pretty and how it changed even more when he said that she was.
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All Dick can say is that he can't believe he never thought of it before because Wally and Zatanna are perfect for each other.
All Artemis does is nod and smile in that way that shows how sharp her teeth can be.
All Wally can think is how he wishes Zatanna hadn't said anything at all. But he also knows that's impossible for her to do.
As soon as he thinks that thought, he feels a little bad. But he's getting very tired of never getting a word in edgewise. She talks constantly, her questions to him are only her ideas phrased into questions he can only answer yes or no to.
Zatanna talks about the movie they saw, the art film. About how she exposed him to something great and meaningful, and isn't that wonderful? Thankfully she doesn't ever give him a chance to talk because he thinks he might accidentally say that he doesn't want to be exposed to anything great if she's going to keep talking about it afterwards.
She's also picking lint off his clothes. He thinks it might not bother him as much if she didn't talk as much, even though those two activities are not linked in any recognizable way.
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Iris has broken up with John and is reading books about women and is just generally nicer and happier, so Wally goes to Iris with all his questions.
She says Zatanna is suffering from low-self esteem. That by introducing Wally to all these great things, Zatanna gained a superior position. She wouldn't need that if she was confident to begin with.
He doesn't know if this is true or not, but it makes him sad to think that girls feel this way. He also wishes Zatanna would ask him questions other than "What's up?"
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Zatanna buys a book of poetry that she loves. So she buys the same book for Wally.
All day she tells him to show everyone the book.
He thinks about what his sister said, about self-esteem and control and how girls feel. But he doesn't think that just because Zatanna feels bad sometimes that she can make him feel bad. Wally doesn't want to be another thing Zatanna is in charge of.
So instead of going home after school, he goes to the store and returns the book.
Not long after he leaves the bookstore, he goes in again and buys it back.
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Wally asks Zatanna to run with him. He's never run with anyone else before. Not since he started thinking and running and writing his thoughts. He tells her that, tries to make her understand.
"Thank you. That's very sweet of you."
But then she says she doesn't want to run and goes back to talking about the poetry.
Wally puts his feelings away.
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Maybe it's to make up for the argument about the Sadie Hawkins dance, but Roy invites everyone to his apartment Good Friday night.
They listen to music, drink wine, smoke. And when Dick announces they should play truth or dare, they all agree.
Wally chooses dare all night, not wanting to tell Zatanna the truth all because of a game.
But because Dick is drunk and an asshole and not fully aware of what he's saying, he gives the worst dare possible.
"Kiss the prettiest girl in the room on the lips."
This is the moment Wally decides to be honest.
Zatanna is right next to him. So when he stands up, the whole room goes silent. He walks across the circle they've made and kneels in front of Artemis. He kisses her friendly, not romantic or sweet. But it doesn't matter.
Wally knows if he kissed Zatanna, he would have been lying to everyone. And everyone would have known it. And he doesn't think he can keep lying.
Zatanna gets up and leaves the room very quickly, a tiny click as she shuts the bathroom door. Artemis follows her, but not before turning around and staring at Wally dark and serious and upset.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
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Wally's climbing into Dick's car, thinking he should have grabbed his coat before they left Roy's apartment. Or, if he wants to think about things he should have done differently, he should have handled this whole situation differently.
"Should I go back and apologize?"
Dick shakes his head as he starts his car.
"Trust me. It's best if you leave."
The car warms Wally even without his coat and the drive is silent until Roy's apartment has disappeared in the rearview mirror. And then Wally tells Dick everything.
He tells him about the poetry and the running and the talking talking talking. How Zatanna never asked any questions. How he felt controlled.
Dick doesn't look away from the roads before them.
"It's too bad you're not gay."
And even in the middle of all these terrible feelings, Wally laughs.
"Then again, if you were gay, I wouldn't date you. I need someone more chalant."
Wally laughs some more and Dick eggs him on.
"And I thought Tim was fucked up. God."
Wally laughs and Dick turns on the radio and they listen to music together until Dick pulls up to Wally's house.
He tells him to keep away for a while, just until things died down. That he'd call him when it's okay to come back. Wally nods, upset but not surprised.
Dick's just about to drive away when Wally calls out to him again.
"If I were gay, I'd want to date you."
He doesn't know why he said it, but it seemed right.
"Of course," Dick says, voice cocky and sure.
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He doesn't talk to anyone for over a week. Finally he calls Kaldur and buys a quarter ounce of pot with his Easter money.
Wally smokes it all the time.