The Definition of Want - Chapter 8
Title: The Definition of Want
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: M
Characters: Bella, Jacob, Edward, and others (J/B)
Genre: Romance/Humor/Angst -- you know, all the good ones.
Warnings: Bad language and eventual sex.
Summary: You know how Edward offered to let Bella and Jacob make puppies? And we all secretly wondered how that would go? Yeah. It's one of those. Set post-Eclipse. (Link to the beginning.)
banner courtesy of boredess
banner courtesy of leithalia
Chapter Eight:
A/N: It seems that there will be a discussion about this fic tonight at theair_thesun , for anyone who wishes to participate. Feel free to leave comments both here and there -- here, naturally, for reviews, and there for more generalized chatter, should you be so inclined.
Also, needjakenow alerted me to the fact that I'd locked out anonymous comments on my journal. (Stupid LJ defaults!) So anonymous comments are now allowed, if you happen to be following and would like to say something without creating an account. You should make an account, though. Because then you can join theair_thesun and sortofbeautiful and hang out with all the cool kids. You know you want to!
i don't want you to try and save me / no i don't want you at all
People in Planes, "If You Talk Too Much"
On Sunday I got home at two, having spent the entire morning driving in the Rabbit. It was going to take forever to fix the damage to the shocks.
Billy looked up when I walked in the front door. "Jacob, how was--" Then he stopped, hands on his wheels.
"Hi, Dad." I dropped my bag and kicked off my shoes.
"Camping didn't help much?" Billy asked slowly.
"No." I headed straight for my room. "It didn't."
I took the engagement ring out of my pocket and shoved it into my sock drawer, then spent the rest of the afternoon staring at the ceiling, trying to deal, but there was just too much to process.
When I slept, I saw Bella's flushed face and bare skin, and I woke up pumping.
***
On Monday morning I called Sam. (At Emily's, obviously. It wasn't like there was any point in calling anywhere else. He didn't live there yet, but his toothbrush was certainly in her bathroom.) He picked up on the first ring. "Hello?"
"Hey, Sam. It's Jake."
"Oh, hey, man." Sam sounded surprised -- we didn't exactly use phones all that much anymore, since it was so easy to send messages via Pack Hivemind -- but since we were phasing a lot less these days old-fashioned communication was coming back. I didn't mind. It was better this way. They had no business being inside my head. Hell, even I didn't want to be inside my head. "What's up?"
"I'm supposed to patrol today," I said, checking the cabinet for cereal, slamming it shut when I saw we only had Frosted Flakes, "but I was wondering if I could swap with Jared for tomorrow." No point in talking to Jared directly -- the Alpha made these calls. Besides, I didn't know Kim's phone number. (His toothbrush would be in her bathroom, too, if her parents wouldn't've lost their shit about it.)
"No problem," Sam said. "You all right?"
"I'm fine." It was a shitty lie, but whatever. "Just had a long weekend, could use an extra day off."
"Okay. I'll get in touch with Jared. You do know he was set to go with Leah, right?"
"Yeah." That was kind of the whole point. "I don't care. It'll be fine."
"Good." Sam paused, then said, "You know, I'm really glad you two are starting to get along, because it makes things a lot--"
"We're not getting along, Sam," I broke in. Getting along was really not the way to put it. Especially given that she was probably going to kick my ass and leave me in a bloody heap on the forest floor. "We're just... I don't mind patrolling with her, okay? I'd actually rather patrol with her from here on out, if you don't mind."
There was a long moment, then-- "Sure, I can make that happen." His voice was odd.
"Good. Glad to hear it." It would make things a lot easier. At least she already knew what was going on. I was so far beyond an eighties mindblock right now that it wasn't even funny.
"Is there something going on that I should be worried about, Jake?" Sam asked, suddenly all business, the Alpha checking for threats to the Pack.
"Nope," I said bitterly.
Sam hesitated, then said in a different tone, "Jacob, tell me what the problem is."
The hair bristled on the back of my neck. "Is that an order?"
A pause, then a long sigh. "No," he said reluctantly.
"Okay then. Thanks." I hung up the phone, laid down on the couch, and spent the day contemplating how much life sucked and generally feeling sorry for myself.
***
On Tuesday afternoon, I met the grey wolf at the edge of the forest, and I didn't bother to try and block her. Hell, at this point, even people who didn't have a free pass into my brain had to know what I was thinking.
The grey wolf tilted her head to the side as I approached, and I slowed down, taking a lot longer than I really needed to, given that this was pretty much going to be awful. And I was right. As soon as I was close enough, she lunged forward and bit me on the foreleg. Pain shot up my body as I heard something crack. OW! Fuck!
I don't even want to look at you, Leah snarled at me through her thoughts. She turned and started to pat her way through the trees. Let's just get this over with.
I didn't mean to, I responded, limping after her. It sounded weak even to me.
So, what, it was an accident? You tripped over something and your dick just happened to fall into her cunt?
No. The throbbing in my leg was actually a welcome distraction, which probably didn't say anything good about my state of mind. It wasn't an accident.
Then don't come crying to me for sympathy. Leah sped up, hopping over a log, clearly trying to take the route that would jar my injury the worst.
I'm not, I insisted. I... just... Oh, God, unbearably pathetic as it was, I was crying for sympathy. I was a wreck and there wasn't anyone else. Look--
Leah ignored me. When she woke up late in the morning light, and the day had just beg-u-u-un--
My eyes widened and my ears twitched. Ugh. Stop it.
--she opened up her eyes and thought, oh what a mo-or-ning--
Leah, seriously, Ace of Base? Holy shit, everyone was right, this music blocking thing really was fucking annoying.
She jumped over a branch and landed on a huge rock, and when I followed, sharp pain shot from my paw to my shoulder. She'd bitten deep, but it would heal in another few minutes. I hoped. It's not a day for work oh, it's a day for catching tan, just ly-ing on the beach and having fun--
I can't believe you're even admitting you know this song!
--she'd going to get-cha, all that she wants is another ba-by, she's gone tomorrow, boy--
I growled in my throat as a sickening misery settled into my stomach. C'mon, Leah. Low blow.
The grey wolf padded to a stop, and her tail drooped. I felt a very, very short moment of an emotion that almost felt apologetic -- then it was gone again, and she kept going, picking up her pace to a run. You did this to yourself, so live with it. I really don't give a shit. You're not my problem.
I sighed. Yeah.
Leah didn't speak to me for the rest of the afternoon.
***
On Tuesday night I looked around my microscopic bedroom and wondered where there would be room for a playpen -- and which point I had a panic attack. (At least, I was pretty sure it was a panic attack. Having never had one, I couldn't be sure. My heart was racing and I couldn't breathe and I went light-headed. And I was, well, panicking. So it was probably a panic attack.) I ran to the bathroom and leapt into the shower with my clothes on, turning the cold tap on as high as it would go, barely feeling the temperature, barely hearing my father banging on the door asking if I was all right. I just stood there and let the water run over my face until the air came back into my lungs.
When I came out, Billy was waiting. "Son, what the hell was that?" he demanded.
"Hot flash," I mumbled before squelching back to my room and flopping face down onto the mattress in a soggy heap.
***
On Wednesday evening the phone rang again. I eyed it suspiciously. Nothing good ever came out of the phone these days. It kept ringing, and finally I picked up the receiver, prepared to slam it back down again if my chest started to hurt. You know, more. "Hello?"
"Hey, dork!" Shit. Rachel. My stomach dropped. "How's it going?"
"It goes," I said evasively, glad she couldn't see my face. "You?"
"Can't complain, can't complain." Okay, she sounded like she was in a good mood, so Leah must not have called her. Thank God for that much, at least. "Summer semester is finally over, but I got my ass kicked on the psych final."
"That sucks."
"It really does. Hey, did your voice drop again?"
"Maybe. Haven't really been paying attention." I'd been more distracted by the other changes of puberty -- like, for instance, growing way, way more hair than eight grade health class had prepared me for. Not to mention the claws.
"It sounds like it has," Rachel said. "God, you almost sound like a grown-up. That's so weird."
"How would you know?" I snapped suddenly, annoyed by her cheerfulness. "You never talk to me."
There was a long pause, then a confused "Oooooookaaaaay..." from the phone. "Well, anyway, is Dad there?"
"No. He's at Sue Clearwater's. You did hear that Harry died, right?"
"Yes, Jake," Rachel said testily. "Dad told me. I do call. You're just never there when I do."
"Okay. I just figured, since you didn't bother coming to the funeral--"
"It was during midterms and I felt like shit about it, all right? Jesus, what's up your ass?"
"Nothing." I blew out a breath and tried to be less of a douche. "Sorry. It's been a long--" week, month, year "--day."
"All right," she said, sounding unconvinced. "So, I was thinking I might come down for a couple weeks later this month, hang out a little before fall classes start. If that's okay with you."
"It's fine." I wished I could hop up on the kitchen counter like I used to, but now my head hit the ceiling whenever I tried. I settled for resting my forehead against the cabinet door. There were toast crumbs all over the place. I needed to wipe them up or we'd get ants again. "Dad'll be really happy."
"And I guess I'll just avoid you the whole time, huh?"
"I said I was sorry. Yeesh." Sisters.
"Yeah, whatever." She paused, then made a little I'm letting it go because I'm a nice person and aren't you so lucky noise and said, "Anyway, what've you been doing since last summer?"
Well, I fell in love. And turned into a giant wolf. Then I tore a bunch of vampires -- oh, there are vampires, by the way -- into pieces with my teeth, except one of them crushed half my body and that hurt like a bitch. Then the girl I fell in love with decided to marry one of those vampires and I ran away for awhile but then I came back and stupidly agreed to have a baby with her and we had sex but it didn't change anything, and now I'm waiting to find out if she's pregnant and I don't know what's going to happen but overall I think I preferred getting my body crushed. Also people have been reading my mind like it's a goddamn library book and I really fucking hate it. Which reminds me, I haven't gotten around to my summer homework, so could you tell me how The Tale of Two Cities ends? "Not much."
"Right." I could practically see Rachel rolling her eyes -- in my mind she was thirteen instead of twenty -- and she said, "When I get there, will you take a look at my car? It's starting to make some really funky noises."
"Ah," I said. "Now I see why you're coming home. Free repairs."
"Naturally." There was another long pause, then Rachel said gently, "I do want to see you, just for the record. I miss you, little bro."
"Yeah. I miss you too." It doesn't change anything.
"Things might be different after I graduate. I'll come visit more, or something. Or you can come see me now that you've got your license, if Dad will let you." I managed not to snort. If she knew the things Billy let me do... "I think maybe Becca and I have left you alone too much."
"I'm not alone," I said quickly. "Dad's here. And Quil and Embry, and Jared, and Sam--"
"Oh, fuck, that's right," Rachel said suddenly. "What the hell happened with him and Leah? I tried calling her after Harry died and I asked how she and Sam were doing, and she just about took my head off--"
"It's a really long story," I warned. "You can ask her when you get here, but make sure you're wearing something bullet-proof." Kevlar might hold up against Leah's teeth.
"Okay. Fuck, I am so out of the loop up here." Rachel sighed. "Is there going to be a place for me to sleep, or is my room covered in fishing gear?"
"I'll get it cleaned out," I promised.
"Thanks." She was quiet for a moment, then said, "Well, I'm gonna go. I'll see you in a few weeks."
"Yeah. See you then. Say hi to Becca if you hear from her."
"Will do." And she hung up.
I let my head stay resting against the cabinet for a long time.
***
When I moved the crap out of Rebecca and Rachel's old room into the garage, I took the engagement ring with the fishing lures and hid it under the allen wrenches. I was sick of staring at my sock drawer every night.
***
On Thursday I was under the Rabbit, changing the oil and repairing the shocks, getting more and more aggravated. Next time I went into an angst-driven snit fit, I was not going to fuck up my car, goddamn it. There had to be other options. (Like throwing a molotov cocktail through the window of a particular mansion out in the woods. Or something.)
"Uh, Jake?" I glanced to the side and saw two pairs of feet in trainers. "I thought you had that all fixed up."
"It keeps breaking," I grumbled.
I heard Quil snort. "Bullshit. Things you fix never break again."
Yeah, right.
"So what are you actually doing?" he went on. "Adding rockets? Please tell me you're adding rockets."
"Yes, Quil," I said, irritated. "I'm adding rockets. I'll get the speed up to six hundred miles an hour, then flatten my very carefully reconstructed automobile against a tree. Brilliant, huh?"
Hands grabbed my ankles and yanked me out from under the engine, leaving my wrench dangling from a bolt. "Fuck, guys, if something rips out of this car I'm going to kill you both," I swore.
"Whatever," Embry said. He crossed his arms like a school principal. "And just where have you been, sir?"
"Here." Mostly.
"You missed a seriously epic event," Quil said, grinning. "You're not going to believe this, but did you know that catching a frisbee in your teeth really is awesome? I'm telling you, there's a reason dogs do it all the time. We tried it out on Saturday night, had to use a hubcap of course, but it was sweet."
"We're decided to start a Wolfpack Ultimate Frisbee League," Embry added. "It's about time we got to have some fun with all this Great and Noble Responsibility, you know? But, man, what happened to you? You would've loved it. We looked everywhere. Your dad said you went camping, but all your shit was here in the garage, so obviously that was an alibi."
Great. "Did you tell him?" I asked.
Embry gave me a disgusted look. "Who do you think we are?"
"Fair enough." I stood up and wiped my hands on a towel. There was oil everywhere.
"Hey, Embry," Quil said suddenly, narrowing his eyes, "don't you think Jake looks different?"
Oh, shit. "No I don't," I said hastily.
Embry stared at me hard for a moment, then his face split into a huge grin. "Oh, man, you didn't."
"He totally did."
Fuck. I knew exactly where this conversation was going, and I didn't want anything to do with it. "I didn't do anything," I insisted. "I got out of town for the weekend. That's it."
"Got out of town and got laid!" Quil crowed, clapping me on the back hard enough that I stumbled forward. My life was a lot easier back when we weren't quite so evenly matched for strength.
"Wow, dude, you've got the same look that Jared had after that time he took Kim to 'look at the stars and talk'," Embry said, using air quotes. "Okay, he looked a lot goofier than you, but that's Jared. Seriously, they might as well stamp your forehead with a Scarlet A when you exit the V-Club, because it's obvious."
I groaned. "You guys are so full of shit."
"So who was she?" Quil asked, undeterred.
"Did you imprint or something?"
"You have to tell us."
This was a nightmare. This was a fucking nightmare. "Get out of here, both of you," I grumbled, kneeling down to throw my tools back into the box. "Don't come back until you stop acting like assholes."
"Then you'll never see us again," said Embry cheerily. "Now cough it up or we'll beat it out of you, you know we will. It's two against one."
"Seriously, guys, knock it off," I said desperately. "Believe me, you don't want to know." It was time to reconsider the whole Alpha thing again, it really was. With one word I could just make them go away.
"Bullshit, of course we want to know--" Quil cut off suddenly, and his eyes widened. "Oh, shit, you didn't. Fuck, you didn't."
Goddamn it.
Embry glanced at Quil, then back at me. "Are you serious? Did you actually--"
"Okay, fine. Yes." I rolled my eyes and prayed it would all be over with quickly. "Happy now? Will you please just leave me alone?"
Quil was shaking his head in wonder. "Dude, that fucking explains everything. I can't believe you managed to kept it a secret. Sam's going to lose his shit."
"You think I don't know that?" I growled as I got to my feet. Hell, at this point, I didn't even care. My hands were starting to shake. "We're finished here. You've had your fun, now get the fuck out."
Embry eyebrows shot up almost to his hairline.
"Okay, Jake," Quil continued, almost bouncing, "you've got to come outside and phase. I have to see this--"
"Uh, Quil..." Embry said slowly.
"--be as prudish as you want with the imagery, I mean, it's not like we really need to see any shit about you, but seriously, you have to give us at least some details. Jesus, she's got to be a monster in the sack--"
I hit him so fast that I didn't even realize what I'd done until he reeled backwards, clutching his nose. Blood spurted onto the concrete and mixed with the motor oil.
Quil's eyes widened above his hands as he started to vibrate.
Embry groaned. "Jeez, guys, not in here, there's not room--"
My breath was coming short and fast, the wolf was howling in my chest, but I couldn't phase, I couldn't, I couldn't let them see, those memories were mine, Bella was mine and they couldn't have her--
Quil growled low in his throat, then turned and pelted out of the garage, with me hard on his heels. He was only three steps outside before he transformed in an explosion of fur and scraps of fabric, landed on his paws and wheeled around to face me, blood still pouring from his nostrils.
I stayed human.
When the wolf lunged for me, teeth bared, I leapt to the side, twisting my ankle in the mud, falling into the woodpile against the side of the house. Quil clearly expected to have hit a wall of fur, and it took him fifteen feet before he skidded to a halt and whipped back around, shaking his head.
"Jake!" Embry yelled, kicking away his shoes and pulling off his clothes as fast as he could. "What the fuck!"
I stood back up and grabbed one of the heavier pine logs from under my feet. I was going to lose this fight and badly, but I was sure as hell going to take some of Quil's teeth out in the process. The wolf jumped at me again, and I swung the log into his face as hard as I could, putting every non-canine muscle I had behind it. It was just enough to knock him off course. He passed me by inches, fangs snapping uselessly at the air.
"C'mon, Quil," I taunted, the wolf howling inside, held in place by sheer determination. They didn't get to see her. "Bring it."
Before Quil could prove anything one way or another, another wolf slammed into him from the side, throwing him off his paws with a yelp. They rolled over and over through the yard, biting and growling, leaving churned soil and hunks of fur in their wake, literally shaking the ground.
It was over in thirty seconds, without a clear winner -- Embry seemed satisfied to have stopped Quil from killing me, and Quil seemed satisfied to have sunk his teeth into something. They came back human, panting, and covered in mud.
"Nice move, man," Quil complimented Embry sarcastically, rubbing his side. "I think your thick skull cracked a rib."
"Don't be a baby," Embry replied. "You'll be fine in ten minutes." He picked his shorts up off the grass and pulled them back on, raising an eyebrow. "Can't say the same for your clothes, though. You gotta get better control, or you'll have to go naked. No one wants to see that, man."
"You all wish." Quil gave me a weird look as he walked past, rubbing blood off his face. "And you, Jake, what the fuck is wrong with you? You forget how to phase or something? I could've ripped your arm off!"
"Yeah, well, you didn't," I said, tossing the log down. At least that was over with. "Kinda sad, actually, that you can't beat me even when I don't have claws."
Quil snorted, then winced as he felt his broken nose. "I would've if Embry hadn't saved your ass like fuckin' Superman."
"Does that mean Jake is Lois Lane?" Embry said, hopping as he put on his shoes. "I thought Lois Lane was supposed to be hot. I'm trading him in for Wonder Woman."
"Like you could get Wonder Woman," I retorted. I was starting to feel a little better. At least I'd gotten to punch someone, even if it was one of my best friends. Though I felt kinda guilty about it now. "Sorry about your nose, Quil."
"Eh, it happens," Quil said dismissively. The bruises under his eyes were already fading. "Anyway, your point is made. Leah is a delicate flower whose purity is above reproach, all right?"
Wait, what?
I stared blankly as Quil leaned into his truck and opened the glove compartment. "Are you checking out my ass, Jake?" he called, pulling out a pair of cutoff sweats. "Your girlfriend might not be okay with that!"
"I... um... yeah," I said, my brain still trying to catch up. Holy shit. Like Leah didn't already hate me...
Quil gave me a pitying look as he yanked his shorts on. "Jeez, Embry, look at him. One round in the sack and he's already whipped." Then he grinned. "Maybe literally. Does she have leather? I bet she does--"
"Quil!" I yelled, appalled. Oh, God, like I needed that mental image on top of everything else.
"Okay, okay, sorry, sorry," he said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Delicate flower. Purity above reproach. Got it. Seriously, though, Sam's going to kill you, you know that, right?"
Well, that much was true. "Uh-huh."
"Leah's doing this fucking annoying angry girl music thing in her head," said Quil, "and it's blocking everyone, but sooner or later this shit's gonna get out. Especially since now you're patrolling together all the time. Let us know when Sam figures it out, and we'll see if we can smuggle you out of the country or something, all right?"
"Sure."
"All right." Quil touched his nose again and made a face. "Fuck, I gotta go home and get this cleaned up. I'm going to Claire's for dinner and it'll make her cry."
"And you give me shit about my girlfriend?" I said sarcastically. "Yours isn't even potty-trained."
Quil shot me a dirty look. "Watch it, Jake. Next time I will take off an arm. You coming, Embry?" he called.
"Yeah, just a sec," Embry said, walking over to me. He waited until Quil got into the truck, then said under his breath, "It's not Leah, is it."
I swallowed. "No."
"Then it's got to be--"
"You really don't want to know."
Embry sighed. "Yeah, probably not. I'll try and keep Quil's mouth shut."
"Thanks, man."
"Yep." He clapped me on the back, and jogged off to the other side of the truck, calling, "Try not to let anyone else attack you! I can't save your ass twenty-four seven, Lois!"
After they were no longer in sight, I walked slowly back into the garage to finish fixing the shocks so I could go out and destroy them again.
***
On Friday night I wondered if maybe I'd just tell Bella to forget about my conditions, that even if she was pregnant I didn't want anything to do with her ever again, that she could turn if she wanted or move to Switzerland or get an abortion for all I cared as long as she stayed the fuck out of my life. I even wandered into the kitchen at two AM and half-dialed her number before hanging up and going back to bed.
She'd know I was lying anyway.
***
"Jacob?"
I woke up from my nap with a start, one leg falling off the mattress. Shit, I really needed some new furniture. This whole almost-seven-feet-tall thing was just not working in a bed that still had Snoopy sheets on it.
"Jacob?" Billy called again, his voice odd. "You have a visitor."
I didn't want visitors. I'd already talked to too damn many people so far this... week? Fuck, what day was it? I stopped and tried to think... Saturday. It was still Saturday. It had been Saturday for at least fifty-seven hours by now, I was sure. This wait was never going to end.
"Jacob." The Get your ass out here was left unsaid.
I threw on a shirt and stepped out into the hall -- and almost ducked straight back into my room.
Charlie Swan was standing in the front door.
"Hi, Charlie," I said hesitantly, trying to see if he was holding a gun. Werewolf healing aside, I was pretty sure I couldn't withstand a direct shot to the head, and if Charlie knew I'd tried to get Bella pregnant then he sure as hell wasn't going to go for a flesh wound.
"Jacob," Charlie said, nodding to me curtly. Then he turned back to Billy and said, "Do you mind if I borrow your son for a minute?"
Oh shit.
Billy glanced between us and shrugged as though it wasn't a big deal -- except he shot me a very brief You Are In Deep Shit look. "Sure thing," he said out loud, wheeling out of the way. Charlie backed up, letting me through the door, following me out into the yard. I felt like I was walking to my execution. Was it too late to write my last will and testament? To Quil and Embry, I leave my motorcycles. To Leah, I leave my CD collection. To Rachel and Rebecca, I leave Dad. To Bella, I leave nothing, since she already has everything that matters.
Once we'd gotten a safe distance from the house, Charlie stopped and put his hands in his pockets awkwardly. "Jacob..." he started, then shook his head.
"Yes?" At least my voice didn't crack.
"Jacob," he said again, "About Bella..."
"Is she okay?" I asked automatically. It would always be my first response.
Charlie glanced at me, and I saw how tired he was. He really did look a lot like her, or rather, she looked a lot like him. "She's..." He hesitated, obviously not sure where the appropriate lines were as far as ratting out his daughter. "She's... not getting out much."
That sounded a lot like code for Bella hasn't left her room in days. Not that that meant anything. The only visitors that mattered wouldn't be coming and going by the front door.
Charlie gave me another look, and this one was harder and knowing. I almost took a step backwards. "I heard from Billy that you went camping last weekend," he said carefully.
My face instantly heated up. "Yeah. Just got out of town for a few days. Cleared my head, you know."
"Uh-huh." Charlie's eyes narrowed. "Bella happened to spend the same weekend with Alice."
I swallowed. "Did she."
He looked at me for another long moment -- he was almost six inches shorter than me and still he could stare me down, why did I always feel like I was ten around him? -- then he rubbed his hands across his eyes wearily. "Look, boy, I don't think it's any secret that I don't like... I mean, that I wish Bella had, well..." He trailed off, uncomfortable. "But she gets to make her own decisions, whether I like it or not. When you have children, you'll understand."
I almost started to laugh, except if I started, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to stop.
"You're a good kid," Charlie continued grudgingly, "and your father and I have been friends for more than twenty years. If you really think you still have a chance, then... But understand something. If you cause her more pain, you'll have to answer to me. I am tired of seeing my girl hurting. Are we clear?"
I nodded. (As though I could do anything else.)
"Good." Charlie sighed, as though he were happy to have gotten that over with. "Anyway, Bella's always happier after she's talked to you. So, maybe, if you could--"
"I don't think it's going to make her happier this time," I said bitterly. "Sorry."
Charlie stared at me, then looked away, his expression somewhere between disgust and sympathy. "You kids. You're really good at screwing up your lives."
"Uh-huh." I certainly wasn't going to argue with him about that.
"Well... okay then." Charlie nodded brusquely. "So... you, um, don't get into any trouble."
"Right," I managed to say. At least I hadn't gotten shot. As Charlie drove away in the police cruiser, I wondered exactly how bad it would be once he no longer thought I was a good kid.
"What was that about?" Billy asked when I came back inside.
"Nothing important," I said, and I went back to finish my nap.
***
After midnight I drove to Bella's house, leaving my headlights off in case Charlie was awake. The lights were all off. She was probably sleeping. She'd been sleeping in bed with me a week ago.
I would climb up the tree, go the window, and talk to her. I'd find the right words, finally.
Bella, why did you--
Bella, I only want--
Bella, try to understand--
Bella, please. Just... please.
Yeah.
I swallowed, turned on the radio, and drove back home.
***
Chapter Nine: Wherein Jacob discovers he's bought time at a very high cost.
Edited 7/24/10 to fix a line.