The Movement of the Earth -- Chapter 4
Title: The Movement of the Earth
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: T
Characters: Bella, Jacob, Charlie, and others (J/B)
Genre: Romance/Angst/Wolfpack!Humor
Warnings: Language, violence, and references to adult behavior
banner courtesy of lilabut
Summary: Jacob imprints on Bella. It changes things. A re-write of New Moon, beginning on page 242 in Chapter 10: "The Meadow." ( Link to the beginning.)
Chapter Four:
Disclaimer versus Mothra: Several parts of this fic are lifted in whole or part from New Moon, which is okay, since I totally own the Twilight Saga. Because I am Stephenie Meyer. Except for the part where neither of those things are true. Really, folks, it ain't mine and my shame would be profound if it was.
but i tell you, if i haven't learned it yet / you know i ain't gonna sit / i ain't gonna stay
Ani DiFranco, "Cradle and All"
4. Fight
A long silence followed my matter-of-fact pronouncement.
I stared vacantly out the windshield, watching the ocean crash into the sand, contemplating my own death. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, in spite of what Laurent had said. Maybe Victoria would snap my neck and it would be over in a flash.
Maybe it would be peaceful.
"Okay," Jacob finally said, his voice tight. "So the red-head is planning to kill you. Would you like to explain that now?"
"It's kind of a long story," I sighed. I suddenly felt very, very tired. It had been a long couple of days; I was cold and empty inside, completely hollowed out. All I wanted was to curl in a ball under the purple covers of my bed and not come out for a week.
"I have time," Jacob said. I glanced over at him. His face had turned a sickly yellow under his russet skin tone.
"Well," I said, not quite sure how to begin, "you remember when I got hurt last year?"
"Yeah. You fell through a window."
"Not exactly," I admitted. "I was being... hunted. By Victoria's mate, James. He caught me, and Edward--" the emptiness in my chest gave way to a sudden sharp burst of pain "--killed him. So now Victoria's planning to kill me, out of revenge." In spite of my emotions, my voice was surprisingly calm and steady. It almost sounded normal, as though I was simply relating some interesting bit of gossip I'd picked up in the school cafeteria, instead of explaining how I'd stumbled into the crossfire of a vampiric game of one-up-manship and vengeance.
My life was not turning out quite as I had expected.
I suddenly noticed, with some degree of alarm, that Jacob was shaking again. His very shape seemed to be blurring around the edges. "Jake?"
"Run, Bella," Edward's voice whispered urgently to me.
I ignored it.
The sickliness had disappeared from Jacob's face; his cheeks were mottled with red flushes, his eyes squeezed shut. "Yeah..." he gasped, panting for breath. "I... and you... but you're okay, right?"
"I'm fine," I said incredulously, watching as his skin visibly crawled. It was one of the strangest things I'd ever seen. "It's you I'm worried about."
Jacob shook his head in sharp little movements. "Don't worry. It's... it's okay," he mumbled, his chest heaving as he took several very deep breaths. A few moments later the shaking slowed. His eyes opened and he quickly looked down at his knees. "Uh... sorry."
"What was that?" I asked, fascinated.
"I was trying not to get too angry," he said. I had the distinct feeling that he was ashamed. I did not like the idea of Jacob being ashamed. "If I lose my temper... I turn into a wolf. And the more I turn into a wolf, the harder it is to keep my temper. It's kind of a vicious cycle."
"Oh. Did I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry." Stupid. Of course he wouldn't be thrilled at the idea of a vampire trying to kill someone he knew. "I'll be more careful."
Jacob's eyes snapped to mine, and I almost flinched away from the raw intensity of his expression. "No, Bells, you don't have to be careful-- I would never-- You know I wouldn't do anything to you, right?" He searched my face desperately. "I wouldn't. Not ever. You believe me, don't you?"
"Of course I believe you." Worry was snaking its way through my body; Jacob wanted me to believe him, but everything about his expression and tone told me he didn't believe himself. I ached to pull him into a reassuring hug, but I wasn't sure the bruising around my heart could take it if he pulled away from me again. "I know you wouldn't hurt me. You told me you wouldn't."
Jacob seemed to relax a little at that. "I did, didn't I?"
"Yeah. I trust you, Jacob," I said, hoping he could feel the sincerity of my words. "I trust you more than anyone."
"Even with the wolf thing?"
"Even with the wolf thing."
He relaxed a little more, the tension visibly leaving his shoulders, and gave me a surprisingly shy smile. "You're kind of amazing, Bella," he said.
I felt my skin heat up instantly. "Thanks," I muttered, hoping my blush wasn't too obvious.
Jacob kept looking at me, and his gaze only got warmer. In fact, it started to get hot.
I swallowed. This wasn't good. This was line-blurring again. Jacob felt more for me than I felt for him -- no, I corrected myself, he didn't feel more, he felt differently. He was my best friend, the only person who made me feel like there might be reason to keep moving through a world where I'd lost everything else that mattered. I loved Jacob, I knew that much; I loved him more than anyone else still in my life. But... not like that. Not the way I'd loved Edward. Not the way he wanted or deserved.
But I didn't stop him from looking. I really was the most selfish creature on the face of the earth.
After a long moment, Jacob broke his gaze away, studying the dashboard with sudden fascination. "Sorry," he murmured.
"It's fine." I managed a half-smile. "Pin's out of the grenade, right?"
"Something like that," he said darkly. I frowned, but before I could ask him what he meant, he shook his head and became all business. "Okay, so now we know what the red-head wants. This is big. I've got to tell the guys right away."
I dug in my jeans for my phone. "Here, you can use my cell." Jacob barked out a laugh, and I frowned at him. "What?"
"We don't talk by phone, Bells." Jacob looked out the window, scanning the edge of the forest. "Okay. All right. I can call a meeting..." He glanced at me anxiously out of the corner of his eye. "I don't want to leave you alone, though."
"If Victoria was here right now, I'd probably be dead already," I said bleakly.
Jacob growled. "She'd have to go through me first. And I'm not that easy to go through."
I couldn't help but smile at Jacob's words -- he sounded so sure -- even as I shivered at the thought of him trying to take on Victoria all by himself, without the aid of the other four enormous wolves I'd seen in the meadow. "Okay, Jake."
He shot me a dirty look when he heard the obvious doubt in my voice. "You don't think I can handle one bloodsucker?"
"I'd rather you not try."
"Too bad," he said. "She's killed people. She's trying to kill you. I'm going to rip her apart myself." His face was dark with barely controlled fury. This wasn't the Jacob I'd known; this was the new wolf Jacob, through and through. The one with the short hair and the temper and the pain. The one who fought vampires.
To my astonishment, I felt a lump form in my throat. I looked down at my hands and fidgeted with the edging of my cast, where the gauze padding met the firm plaster.
"Bella?" Jacob said uncertainly, the fire gone from his voice. "What's wrong?"
I shrugged slightly and attempted to smile. "I don't like the idea of you fighting Victoria, what can I say."
"Bella, I know you like bloodsuckers and all, but once someone decides to kill you the friendship's probably over."
"No, Jake, I'm worried about you." I blinked furiously, still picking at my cast. The idea of Jacob seeing me cry again was awful. It would be okay, maybe, if I could sob onto his shoulder -- but he probably wouldn't let me near him, so I'd just have to weep while he watched from the other side of the cab. It was a horrifying image. Instead, I tried to joke. "I mean, if she killed you, then I'd have to swear a vendetta against her, and I'm not fast or strong and I fall down a lot, so... I doubt I'd be very successful."
"Really? You'd swear a vendetta for me?" I could hear the grin in Jacob's voice. "Wow. No one's ever promised to avenge my death before. That's so cool."
When he said the word 'death' my whole body flushed cold. I turned up the heater with a shaking hand and muttered, "Not funny."
"Sure, sure," he chuckled. "You know, you should really have a little more confidence in us. It's kind of insulting."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine. You're the Big Bad Wolf. Forget I said anything."
"That's more like it." Jacob popped open the passenger door and poked his head out of the truck, inhaling deeply. A line appeared between his eyebrows. "Okay. I don't smell her. It's probably safe. Just... stay in here, I'll be back in a minute." Before I could even respond, he jumped out of the cab, slammed the door shut behind him, and sprinted across the lot so fast that I could barely follow him with my eye. He was into the trees and out of sight in less than three seconds.
I took a long, deep breath, then leaned forward to rest my head on the steering wheel.
So. Jacob was a werewolf. A member of a pack of werewolves, in fact. Werewolves who were made to kill vampires. Werewolves, who had killed Laurent. Werewolves, who were determined to kill Victoria. Victoria, who was determined to kill me.
I could handle this. Really. But I thought I could handle it all a lot better if Jacob wasn't literally holding me at arm's length.
Sick guilt washed over me. Was this how I'd made him feel when I'd tried to pull my hands away from his? Had he felt this empty and rejected? Was that why he was pushing me away now? If so, I could hardly blame him. I'd wanted him to give up, after all. It was better this way, better that Jacob not waste his time touching a girl who didn't have anything left in her to offer.
Better for him, anyway.
I held my hands closer to the heater.
Faster than I would have thought possible, Jacob was climbing back into the truck... buttoning his shorts. I looked away hastily, blushing. "Okay," he said. "We're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes."
I blinked. "How do you know?"
Jacob pursed his lips and looked down, absently picking dirt out from under his fingernails.
"You can't tell me?"
"No, I get to tell you anything now; that's kind of how it works. But... this is weird," he warned. "Like, extra weird."
"You don't sprout wings or anything, do you?"
Jacob cracked a smile at that. "No, but that'd be awesome, wouldn't it?"
"Hard to say." As I put the truck into reverse and pulled out of the parking lot, I tried to picture a giant winged wolf flapping through the sky. I didn't have much luck. "So, if it's not wings..."
He sighed. "Okay. So, yeah -- uh, when we're in wolf form, we can hear each other's thoughts."
I glanced away from the road in surprise. "What, like telepathy?"
"Sort of. I think if it was telepathy, they'd only hear what I want them to hear, like messages or something. But they hear everything I think, and I hear everything they think, even when we're not anywhere near each other. It's helpful when we hunt, but otherwise, it's awful." Jacob scowled. "I hate it. I hate having people in my head."
"I can imagine," I murmured. I'd always been grateful that I'd been the exception to the rule when it came to Edward's mind-reading abilities. The idea of someone crawling around inside my mind, seeing every horrible, embarrassing little thing that flitted through my brain... I shuddered. "So, is that what you did? Went into the woods, went 'poof', and told them to meet us?"
Jacob raised an eyebrow. "'Poof'?" he repeated indignantly.
"Well, if not 'poof', then what is it?"
"It's called phasing." He shook his head. "'Poof'. Honestly."
"It sounds all right to me," I grumbled.
"It sounds dumb."
"Does not."
"Does so. Anyway, yes, I phased and told the guys to meet us."
A thought occurred to me. "'Us'? So they know I'm coming, then?"
Jacob shrugged. "I didn't say so specifically, but it's not like Sam didn't know I was with you this morning. He's probably assuming you'll be there, yeah. I don't know about the others."
I narrowed my eyes. "Good. I have a few more things I'd like to say to Sam." Most of those things involved words I didn't have a lot of experience using. Dragging Jacob into this nightmare, ordering him around, controlling his life, reading his mind... my blood began to boil again. Maybe if I hit Sam using the cast, it might actually do some damage.
"C'mon, Bells, Sam's all right."
"Right," I said sarcastically. "Sure."
"Really, Bella, don't hate him. He's had a rougher time than any of us. None of this is his fault."
"Then whose fault is it?" I countered.
I was looking at the road, but I could feel Jacob's gaze on my skin. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation... but when he spoke, his voice held that pain that made my chest ache. "You don't want to hear it, and I don't want to hurt you," he whispered. "I promised I wouldn't."
"Well, I'm asking, so you're off the hook. Besides, I pretty much hurt all the time anyway." I forced some casualness into my tone. Just a chest full of gaping, infected wounds -- no big deal. "So what's a little more?"
Jacob made a miserable noise at that.
"Come on, Jake," I said, coaxing the truck along the soggy dirt road. "I need to know who to blame or I'll go crazy."
"Fine." His voice was quiet. "It's the Cullens' fault."
My heart stopped. "What?"
"If bloodsuckers move into town, the ones in the tribe with the right genes turn into wolves." If I'd thought I heard bitterness from Jacob before, it was nothing compared to the edged hatred that he exuded now. "I'm this way because of them. If it wasn't for those reeking leeches, everything would still be okay."
"I..." I swallowed, then said feebly, "I'm sure they didn't know."
He snorted. "It happened when they moved here the first time, too. They knew. They just didn't give a shit."
"Then they must have forgotten," I insisted. "Carlisle would never have come back if he knew what it would do to you. It must have just... slipped his mind, or something."
That didn't sound right, though. I couldn't imagine anything slipping Carlisle's brilliant mind -- but I also couldn't imagine him just not caring about what his family's presence do to the Quileute boys. He was too good for that. They were too good for that. There had to be an explanation, even if I didn't know what it was.
"Sorry," Jacob said sourly, "but that doesn't make me feel much better."
We'd made it to the little turn off where Jacob had first taught me to ride the motorcycle. "Will this work?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's fine."
I pulled over, then looked sideways at him, at the hopeless desolation in his face. As soon as the engine was cut, I let go of the steering wheel and wrapped my arms around my waist, half-convinced that I was going to crumple into disjointed pieces.
Jacob glanced at my midsection, then clenched his hands so hard that his knuckles turned white. "This sucks," he said finally.
His misery stabbed at me. "Can I help?" I asked, unable to get my voice above a whisper. "There has to be something. Let me help. I hate seeing you hurt too, you know."
"Would you have before?" he whispered back.
"Huh?"
"Before all this happened." Jacob swallowed hard, deliberately avoiding my gaze. His dark eyes studied the stitching on the seat. "Before I got sick. Would... would it have bothered you? You know, me hurting?"
I gaped at him in astonishment. "What kind of a question is that?" I demanded.
"An important one," he murmured. I opened my mouth to shout at him reassuringly -- I wasn't sure quite how that would work, but it was definitely what I wanted to do -- except Jacob sucked in a sharp breath. "They're here."
My eyes turned to the tree line, trying to make out shapes between the low-hanging pine boughs. A fine mist hovered between the thick brown trunks. It was a perfect horror movie set up, and I felt a tingle of fear run up my spine. "Are you sure? I don't see anything."
"Trust me." Jacob popped open the door and hopped to the ground smoothly, then turned and gave me a small smile. "Come on, Bella, I won't let them bite you, I promise."
I climbed out of the truck hesitantly. This would all be a lot less disturbing if the atmosphere wasn't so... creepy. Why couldn't werewolf meetings be held at a McDonald's? Did they have to be in the middle of a gloom-ridden primordial forest?
Apparently so.
I was expecting it to be the wolves that would come striding out of the trees, so it took my brain a moment to register that the shapes walking onto the road weren't animals; they were just huge, half-naked boys. It unsettled me, watching them move -- they walked almost as if they were synchronized, their graceful, even movements matching each other perfectly. They were near the same height, near the same builds, had the same coloring and haircuts and facial expressions. I could hardly tell them apart.
Jacob stood on the other side of the truck, and I glanced over at him as his pack approached. He gave me a small smile, but at the same time, the closer they got, the less... him he seemed. I could practically see the Jacobness bleed out of him.
I felt the sudden need to burn things.
Sam stepped forward, his eyes flicking over Jacob, then me. Jacob had been right -- Sam didn't look the least bit surprised by my presence. "Hello, Bella," he said politely.
"Hi," I muttered.
At my tone, Sam's eyes narrowed. He looked back at Jacob, scrutinizing him; Jacob's expression was as sullen as my voice had been. Sam's face suddenly went dark and furious. "You still haven't told her."
"Yes he did!" I shouted angrily in Jacob's defense -- at the exact same moment Jacob snapped, "And it's still none of your business."
Without warning, one of the boys I didn't recognize -- Jared or Paul -- thrust his way past Sam. "What the fuck, Jacob!" he yelled, positively quivering with rage. "What, you think you're so much better than Sam and Jared?"
"Leave me out of it, Paul," the other boy said quietly.
Paul ignored him. "So keeping this girl in the dark--" he pointed at me, and I bristled "--is more important than the whole tribe? Than us? You can't even focus while hunting -- how about when someone gets killed because you're in pieces over your little leech-lover, will you be happy then?"
"Watch your mouth." Jacob's voice was a growl, and a shudder rippled up and down his body.
Sam obviously sensed trouble, because he drew himself up to his full height, every inch of him radiating total authority. "Jacob, relax," he commanded, and for a moment, the atmosphere calmed.
Then Paul's eyes lit on me. "If you're such a pussy, how about I just tell her, huh, Jake?" he taunted, and I could see his body was beginning to shake as well. "Hey, sweetheart, ever heard of imprinting?"
That did it. In an instant, Jacob was pelting across the road, straight for Paul. I saw Paul bare his teeth in anticipation, and then--
--both boys exploded.
Had I blinked, I would have missed it. One moment, it looked like two teenagers were about to beat the snot out of one another; the next, two gigantic wolves -- one red-brown, one gray, and both nearly the size of horses -- were rolling over and over across through the dirt, growling viciously and snapping for each others' throats. Dirt and hunks of fur flew everywhere, and the snarls were so ear-splittingly loud that they rattled the branches above our heads and rained pine needles onto the road.
I realized I was running, and that someone was shouting Jacob's name.
"Hold her!" Sam ordered, kicking off his shoes.
Warm arms wrapped around my middle, bringing my forward momentum to a halt with a jolt. "Hey there, Xena," I heard an amused voice say as my feet left the ground. I looked up into the smiling face of Embry Call. "You really don't want to get in the middle of that."
The wolves were carrying their fight into the forest, their roars still echoing. "Take her to Emily's and wait there," Sam shouted over his shoulder as he ran into the woods after the other two. As he disappeared into the trees, I could see the outline of his body blurring.
After a moment the growling and snapping faded, and then there was a sudden, shocking silence.
"Whoa," Jared said. "Cool."
With a laugh, Embry set me back down on the road. "Guess the wolf's out of the bag now."
My knees felt like jelly, but I took a few staggering steps forward. "Jake," I gasped, terror leaving me light-headed. "Jake-- he's going to--"
"Be fine," Embry finished for me. He and Jared started searching the ground, picking up white and black scraps of fabric -- the remains of Paul and Jacob's clothes. "He's going to be fine, Bella, no worries."
"I dunno," Jared said. "Jacob's all weird in the head right now. I bet Paul gets a chunk out of him. Hey, do you think this can be stitched back together?" He held out the remains of a sneaker for my inspection. The rubber was intact, but the seam had split along the side. "You're a girl, you know that stuff, right?"
"I... I have no idea," I said faintly. "I don't sew."
"Hmm. Well, Emily'll know." Jared tossed the shoe into the flatbed of the truck.
"You can't seriously think," Embry said, "that Jake's gonna lose that fight. Did you see how pissed he was?"
"That's why he's going to lose," Jared countered. "I mean, hell, if Paul talked to Kim like that I'd try to tear his head off, but I'd be too mad to think straight."
"Nah. Even mad, Jake's a natural. Ten bucks says he kicks Paul's ass."
"Done."
They shook on it.
"Can't-- can't you go get them?" I asked, my blood thundering through my veins. It felt like I was having a heart attack. "Please go get them before they hurt each other--"
Both the boys laughed at that. "Bella, I promise, Paul can't do anything that Jacob can't take," Embry said, shaking his head at what he clearly considered to be my delusional naivete.
"And even if he could, Sam wouldn't let him," Jared said.
Embry tossed the remains of the clothes into the truck. "Okay, we'd better get going. I bet Emily's got lunch."
I shook my head negatively and took a deep, shuddering breath, concentrating on not hyperventilating. Embry rolled his eyes, but Jared gave me an oddly fond smile. "You know, she's actually kind of sweet," Jared declared, like I was a kitten in a pet store. "It could be worse."
"Lot of baggage, though," Embry said. "Would've been easier if it was someone else. No offense, Bella."
"This is the way it was meant to be, though. You can't pick how these things work out. It's fate." A dreamy look came over Jared's face, and Embry made a discreet gagging motion.
As my head started to clear, it occurred to me that I was getting really sick of everyone talking in riddles.
Embry examined my face, then held out his hand. "Mind if I drive? You look like you're going to keel over, and if you wound up in a car crash Jake would kill me."
I pulled out my car keys, but held them back. "I'll let you drive if you tell me what the hell you're all talking about," I said. "What do you mean, 'it would be easier if it was someone else'?"
Embry looked uncomfortable. "Uh--"
"And what," I demanded, "is imprinting?"
Both Jared and Embry raised their hands at that. "There is no way," Embry stated emphatically, "that I'm going there."
"Don't worry, Jacob will crack soon," Jared assured me. "I can't believe he's even held out this long. I told Kim after, like, six hours."
"And a miserable six hours it was," Embry grumbled. "C'mon, Bella, please? I'm starving."
I scowled and tossed him the keys. "Fine. But I'm getting answers, and I'm getting them soon."
"Fine. Answers always go better with food." Embry climbed into the truck. "Let's go."
Jared glanced at me and smiled as he climbed into the flat bed. "Just wait," he said. "It'll work out, you'll see. It always does. This is the way it's supposed to be."
I didn't like the sound of that at all.
***
Chapter Five: Plans
Sanity Update: Do you have any idea how often Meyer uses "I" and "me" in her writing? A lot. A lot a lot a lot. Even by first person standards. Considering it's embarrassingly obvious that Bella is her avatar, I think we can safely assume that Meyer is the most self-centered writer in history, even accounting for such navel-gazers as Emily Bronte and that dude who writes the Left Behind series.
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: T
Characters: Bella, Jacob, Charlie, and others (J/B)
Genre: Romance/Angst/Wolfpack!Humor
Warnings: Language, violence, and references to adult behavior
banner courtesy of lilabut
Summary: Jacob imprints on Bella. It changes things. A re-write of New Moon, beginning on page 242 in Chapter 10: "The Meadow." ( Link to the beginning.)
Chapter Four:
Disclaimer versus Mothra: Several parts of this fic are lifted in whole or part from New Moon, which is okay, since I totally own the Twilight Saga. Because I am Stephenie Meyer. Except for the part where neither of those things are true. Really, folks, it ain't mine and my shame would be profound if it was.
but i tell you, if i haven't learned it yet / you know i ain't gonna sit / i ain't gonna stay
Ani DiFranco, "Cradle and All"
4. Fight
A long silence followed my matter-of-fact pronouncement.
I stared vacantly out the windshield, watching the ocean crash into the sand, contemplating my own death. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, in spite of what Laurent had said. Maybe Victoria would snap my neck and it would be over in a flash.
Maybe it would be peaceful.
"Okay," Jacob finally said, his voice tight. "So the red-head is planning to kill you. Would you like to explain that now?"
"It's kind of a long story," I sighed. I suddenly felt very, very tired. It had been a long couple of days; I was cold and empty inside, completely hollowed out. All I wanted was to curl in a ball under the purple covers of my bed and not come out for a week.
"I have time," Jacob said. I glanced over at him. His face had turned a sickly yellow under his russet skin tone.
"Well," I said, not quite sure how to begin, "you remember when I got hurt last year?"
"Yeah. You fell through a window."
"Not exactly," I admitted. "I was being... hunted. By Victoria's mate, James. He caught me, and Edward--" the emptiness in my chest gave way to a sudden sharp burst of pain "--killed him. So now Victoria's planning to kill me, out of revenge." In spite of my emotions, my voice was surprisingly calm and steady. It almost sounded normal, as though I was simply relating some interesting bit of gossip I'd picked up in the school cafeteria, instead of explaining how I'd stumbled into the crossfire of a vampiric game of one-up-manship and vengeance.
My life was not turning out quite as I had expected.
I suddenly noticed, with some degree of alarm, that Jacob was shaking again. His very shape seemed to be blurring around the edges. "Jake?"
"Run, Bella," Edward's voice whispered urgently to me.
I ignored it.
The sickliness had disappeared from Jacob's face; his cheeks were mottled with red flushes, his eyes squeezed shut. "Yeah..." he gasped, panting for breath. "I... and you... but you're okay, right?"
"I'm fine," I said incredulously, watching as his skin visibly crawled. It was one of the strangest things I'd ever seen. "It's you I'm worried about."
Jacob shook his head in sharp little movements. "Don't worry. It's... it's okay," he mumbled, his chest heaving as he took several very deep breaths. A few moments later the shaking slowed. His eyes opened and he quickly looked down at his knees. "Uh... sorry."
"What was that?" I asked, fascinated.
"I was trying not to get too angry," he said. I had the distinct feeling that he was ashamed. I did not like the idea of Jacob being ashamed. "If I lose my temper... I turn into a wolf. And the more I turn into a wolf, the harder it is to keep my temper. It's kind of a vicious cycle."
"Oh. Did I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry." Stupid. Of course he wouldn't be thrilled at the idea of a vampire trying to kill someone he knew. "I'll be more careful."
Jacob's eyes snapped to mine, and I almost flinched away from the raw intensity of his expression. "No, Bells, you don't have to be careful-- I would never-- You know I wouldn't do anything to you, right?" He searched my face desperately. "I wouldn't. Not ever. You believe me, don't you?"
"Of course I believe you." Worry was snaking its way through my body; Jacob wanted me to believe him, but everything about his expression and tone told me he didn't believe himself. I ached to pull him into a reassuring hug, but I wasn't sure the bruising around my heart could take it if he pulled away from me again. "I know you wouldn't hurt me. You told me you wouldn't."
Jacob seemed to relax a little at that. "I did, didn't I?"
"Yeah. I trust you, Jacob," I said, hoping he could feel the sincerity of my words. "I trust you more than anyone."
"Even with the wolf thing?"
"Even with the wolf thing."
He relaxed a little more, the tension visibly leaving his shoulders, and gave me a surprisingly shy smile. "You're kind of amazing, Bella," he said.
I felt my skin heat up instantly. "Thanks," I muttered, hoping my blush wasn't too obvious.
Jacob kept looking at me, and his gaze only got warmer. In fact, it started to get hot.
I swallowed. This wasn't good. This was line-blurring again. Jacob felt more for me than I felt for him -- no, I corrected myself, he didn't feel more, he felt differently. He was my best friend, the only person who made me feel like there might be reason to keep moving through a world where I'd lost everything else that mattered. I loved Jacob, I knew that much; I loved him more than anyone else still in my life. But... not like that. Not the way I'd loved Edward. Not the way he wanted or deserved.
But I didn't stop him from looking. I really was the most selfish creature on the face of the earth.
After a long moment, Jacob broke his gaze away, studying the dashboard with sudden fascination. "Sorry," he murmured.
"It's fine." I managed a half-smile. "Pin's out of the grenade, right?"
"Something like that," he said darkly. I frowned, but before I could ask him what he meant, he shook his head and became all business. "Okay, so now we know what the red-head wants. This is big. I've got to tell the guys right away."
I dug in my jeans for my phone. "Here, you can use my cell." Jacob barked out a laugh, and I frowned at him. "What?"
"We don't talk by phone, Bells." Jacob looked out the window, scanning the edge of the forest. "Okay. All right. I can call a meeting..." He glanced at me anxiously out of the corner of his eye. "I don't want to leave you alone, though."
"If Victoria was here right now, I'd probably be dead already," I said bleakly.
Jacob growled. "She'd have to go through me first. And I'm not that easy to go through."
I couldn't help but smile at Jacob's words -- he sounded so sure -- even as I shivered at the thought of him trying to take on Victoria all by himself, without the aid of the other four enormous wolves I'd seen in the meadow. "Okay, Jake."
He shot me a dirty look when he heard the obvious doubt in my voice. "You don't think I can handle one bloodsucker?"
"I'd rather you not try."
"Too bad," he said. "She's killed people. She's trying to kill you. I'm going to rip her apart myself." His face was dark with barely controlled fury. This wasn't the Jacob I'd known; this was the new wolf Jacob, through and through. The one with the short hair and the temper and the pain. The one who fought vampires.
To my astonishment, I felt a lump form in my throat. I looked down at my hands and fidgeted with the edging of my cast, where the gauze padding met the firm plaster.
"Bella?" Jacob said uncertainly, the fire gone from his voice. "What's wrong?"
I shrugged slightly and attempted to smile. "I don't like the idea of you fighting Victoria, what can I say."
"Bella, I know you like bloodsuckers and all, but once someone decides to kill you the friendship's probably over."
"No, Jake, I'm worried about you." I blinked furiously, still picking at my cast. The idea of Jacob seeing me cry again was awful. It would be okay, maybe, if I could sob onto his shoulder -- but he probably wouldn't let me near him, so I'd just have to weep while he watched from the other side of the cab. It was a horrifying image. Instead, I tried to joke. "I mean, if she killed you, then I'd have to swear a vendetta against her, and I'm not fast or strong and I fall down a lot, so... I doubt I'd be very successful."
"Really? You'd swear a vendetta for me?" I could hear the grin in Jacob's voice. "Wow. No one's ever promised to avenge my death before. That's so cool."
When he said the word 'death' my whole body flushed cold. I turned up the heater with a shaking hand and muttered, "Not funny."
"Sure, sure," he chuckled. "You know, you should really have a little more confidence in us. It's kind of insulting."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine. You're the Big Bad Wolf. Forget I said anything."
"That's more like it." Jacob popped open the passenger door and poked his head out of the truck, inhaling deeply. A line appeared between his eyebrows. "Okay. I don't smell her. It's probably safe. Just... stay in here, I'll be back in a minute." Before I could even respond, he jumped out of the cab, slammed the door shut behind him, and sprinted across the lot so fast that I could barely follow him with my eye. He was into the trees and out of sight in less than three seconds.
I took a long, deep breath, then leaned forward to rest my head on the steering wheel.
So. Jacob was a werewolf. A member of a pack of werewolves, in fact. Werewolves who were made to kill vampires. Werewolves, who had killed Laurent. Werewolves, who were determined to kill Victoria. Victoria, who was determined to kill me.
I could handle this. Really. But I thought I could handle it all a lot better if Jacob wasn't literally holding me at arm's length.
Sick guilt washed over me. Was this how I'd made him feel when I'd tried to pull my hands away from his? Had he felt this empty and rejected? Was that why he was pushing me away now? If so, I could hardly blame him. I'd wanted him to give up, after all. It was better this way, better that Jacob not waste his time touching a girl who didn't have anything left in her to offer.
Better for him, anyway.
I held my hands closer to the heater.
Faster than I would have thought possible, Jacob was climbing back into the truck... buttoning his shorts. I looked away hastily, blushing. "Okay," he said. "We're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes."
I blinked. "How do you know?"
Jacob pursed his lips and looked down, absently picking dirt out from under his fingernails.
"You can't tell me?"
"No, I get to tell you anything now; that's kind of how it works. But... this is weird," he warned. "Like, extra weird."
"You don't sprout wings or anything, do you?"
Jacob cracked a smile at that. "No, but that'd be awesome, wouldn't it?"
"Hard to say." As I put the truck into reverse and pulled out of the parking lot, I tried to picture a giant winged wolf flapping through the sky. I didn't have much luck. "So, if it's not wings..."
He sighed. "Okay. So, yeah -- uh, when we're in wolf form, we can hear each other's thoughts."
I glanced away from the road in surprise. "What, like telepathy?"
"Sort of. I think if it was telepathy, they'd only hear what I want them to hear, like messages or something. But they hear everything I think, and I hear everything they think, even when we're not anywhere near each other. It's helpful when we hunt, but otherwise, it's awful." Jacob scowled. "I hate it. I hate having people in my head."
"I can imagine," I murmured. I'd always been grateful that I'd been the exception to the rule when it came to Edward's mind-reading abilities. The idea of someone crawling around inside my mind, seeing every horrible, embarrassing little thing that flitted through my brain... I shuddered. "So, is that what you did? Went into the woods, went 'poof', and told them to meet us?"
Jacob raised an eyebrow. "'Poof'?" he repeated indignantly.
"Well, if not 'poof', then what is it?"
"It's called phasing." He shook his head. "'Poof'. Honestly."
"It sounds all right to me," I grumbled.
"It sounds dumb."
"Does not."
"Does so. Anyway, yes, I phased and told the guys to meet us."
A thought occurred to me. "'Us'? So they know I'm coming, then?"
Jacob shrugged. "I didn't say so specifically, but it's not like Sam didn't know I was with you this morning. He's probably assuming you'll be there, yeah. I don't know about the others."
I narrowed my eyes. "Good. I have a few more things I'd like to say to Sam." Most of those things involved words I didn't have a lot of experience using. Dragging Jacob into this nightmare, ordering him around, controlling his life, reading his mind... my blood began to boil again. Maybe if I hit Sam using the cast, it might actually do some damage.
"C'mon, Bells, Sam's all right."
"Right," I said sarcastically. "Sure."
"Really, Bella, don't hate him. He's had a rougher time than any of us. None of this is his fault."
"Then whose fault is it?" I countered.
I was looking at the road, but I could feel Jacob's gaze on my skin. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation... but when he spoke, his voice held that pain that made my chest ache. "You don't want to hear it, and I don't want to hurt you," he whispered. "I promised I wouldn't."
"Well, I'm asking, so you're off the hook. Besides, I pretty much hurt all the time anyway." I forced some casualness into my tone. Just a chest full of gaping, infected wounds -- no big deal. "So what's a little more?"
Jacob made a miserable noise at that.
"Come on, Jake," I said, coaxing the truck along the soggy dirt road. "I need to know who to blame or I'll go crazy."
"Fine." His voice was quiet. "It's the Cullens' fault."
My heart stopped. "What?"
"If bloodsuckers move into town, the ones in the tribe with the right genes turn into wolves." If I'd thought I heard bitterness from Jacob before, it was nothing compared to the edged hatred that he exuded now. "I'm this way because of them. If it wasn't for those reeking leeches, everything would still be okay."
"I..." I swallowed, then said feebly, "I'm sure they didn't know."
He snorted. "It happened when they moved here the first time, too. They knew. They just didn't give a shit."
"Then they must have forgotten," I insisted. "Carlisle would never have come back if he knew what it would do to you. It must have just... slipped his mind, or something."
That didn't sound right, though. I couldn't imagine anything slipping Carlisle's brilliant mind -- but I also couldn't imagine him just not caring about what his family's presence do to the Quileute boys. He was too good for that. They were too good for that. There had to be an explanation, even if I didn't know what it was.
"Sorry," Jacob said sourly, "but that doesn't make me feel much better."
We'd made it to the little turn off where Jacob had first taught me to ride the motorcycle. "Will this work?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's fine."
I pulled over, then looked sideways at him, at the hopeless desolation in his face. As soon as the engine was cut, I let go of the steering wheel and wrapped my arms around my waist, half-convinced that I was going to crumple into disjointed pieces.
Jacob glanced at my midsection, then clenched his hands so hard that his knuckles turned white. "This sucks," he said finally.
His misery stabbed at me. "Can I help?" I asked, unable to get my voice above a whisper. "There has to be something. Let me help. I hate seeing you hurt too, you know."
"Would you have before?" he whispered back.
"Huh?"
"Before all this happened." Jacob swallowed hard, deliberately avoiding my gaze. His dark eyes studied the stitching on the seat. "Before I got sick. Would... would it have bothered you? You know, me hurting?"
I gaped at him in astonishment. "What kind of a question is that?" I demanded.
"An important one," he murmured. I opened my mouth to shout at him reassuringly -- I wasn't sure quite how that would work, but it was definitely what I wanted to do -- except Jacob sucked in a sharp breath. "They're here."
My eyes turned to the tree line, trying to make out shapes between the low-hanging pine boughs. A fine mist hovered between the thick brown trunks. It was a perfect horror movie set up, and I felt a tingle of fear run up my spine. "Are you sure? I don't see anything."
"Trust me." Jacob popped open the door and hopped to the ground smoothly, then turned and gave me a small smile. "Come on, Bella, I won't let them bite you, I promise."
I climbed out of the truck hesitantly. This would all be a lot less disturbing if the atmosphere wasn't so... creepy. Why couldn't werewolf meetings be held at a McDonald's? Did they have to be in the middle of a gloom-ridden primordial forest?
Apparently so.
I was expecting it to be the wolves that would come striding out of the trees, so it took my brain a moment to register that the shapes walking onto the road weren't animals; they were just huge, half-naked boys. It unsettled me, watching them move -- they walked almost as if they were synchronized, their graceful, even movements matching each other perfectly. They were near the same height, near the same builds, had the same coloring and haircuts and facial expressions. I could hardly tell them apart.
Jacob stood on the other side of the truck, and I glanced over at him as his pack approached. He gave me a small smile, but at the same time, the closer they got, the less... him he seemed. I could practically see the Jacobness bleed out of him.
I felt the sudden need to burn things.
Sam stepped forward, his eyes flicking over Jacob, then me. Jacob had been right -- Sam didn't look the least bit surprised by my presence. "Hello, Bella," he said politely.
"Hi," I muttered.
At my tone, Sam's eyes narrowed. He looked back at Jacob, scrutinizing him; Jacob's expression was as sullen as my voice had been. Sam's face suddenly went dark and furious. "You still haven't told her."
"Yes he did!" I shouted angrily in Jacob's defense -- at the exact same moment Jacob snapped, "And it's still none of your business."
Without warning, one of the boys I didn't recognize -- Jared or Paul -- thrust his way past Sam. "What the fuck, Jacob!" he yelled, positively quivering with rage. "What, you think you're so much better than Sam and Jared?"
"Leave me out of it, Paul," the other boy said quietly.
Paul ignored him. "So keeping this girl in the dark--" he pointed at me, and I bristled "--is more important than the whole tribe? Than us? You can't even focus while hunting -- how about when someone gets killed because you're in pieces over your little leech-lover, will you be happy then?"
"Watch your mouth." Jacob's voice was a growl, and a shudder rippled up and down his body.
Sam obviously sensed trouble, because he drew himself up to his full height, every inch of him radiating total authority. "Jacob, relax," he commanded, and for a moment, the atmosphere calmed.
Then Paul's eyes lit on me. "If you're such a pussy, how about I just tell her, huh, Jake?" he taunted, and I could see his body was beginning to shake as well. "Hey, sweetheart, ever heard of imprinting?"
That did it. In an instant, Jacob was pelting across the road, straight for Paul. I saw Paul bare his teeth in anticipation, and then--
--both boys exploded.
Had I blinked, I would have missed it. One moment, it looked like two teenagers were about to beat the snot out of one another; the next, two gigantic wolves -- one red-brown, one gray, and both nearly the size of horses -- were rolling over and over across through the dirt, growling viciously and snapping for each others' throats. Dirt and hunks of fur flew everywhere, and the snarls were so ear-splittingly loud that they rattled the branches above our heads and rained pine needles onto the road.
I realized I was running, and that someone was shouting Jacob's name.
"Hold her!" Sam ordered, kicking off his shoes.
Warm arms wrapped around my middle, bringing my forward momentum to a halt with a jolt. "Hey there, Xena," I heard an amused voice say as my feet left the ground. I looked up into the smiling face of Embry Call. "You really don't want to get in the middle of that."
The wolves were carrying their fight into the forest, their roars still echoing. "Take her to Emily's and wait there," Sam shouted over his shoulder as he ran into the woods after the other two. As he disappeared into the trees, I could see the outline of his body blurring.
After a moment the growling and snapping faded, and then there was a sudden, shocking silence.
"Whoa," Jared said. "Cool."
With a laugh, Embry set me back down on the road. "Guess the wolf's out of the bag now."
My knees felt like jelly, but I took a few staggering steps forward. "Jake," I gasped, terror leaving me light-headed. "Jake-- he's going to--"
"Be fine," Embry finished for me. He and Jared started searching the ground, picking up white and black scraps of fabric -- the remains of Paul and Jacob's clothes. "He's going to be fine, Bella, no worries."
"I dunno," Jared said. "Jacob's all weird in the head right now. I bet Paul gets a chunk out of him. Hey, do you think this can be stitched back together?" He held out the remains of a sneaker for my inspection. The rubber was intact, but the seam had split along the side. "You're a girl, you know that stuff, right?"
"I... I have no idea," I said faintly. "I don't sew."
"Hmm. Well, Emily'll know." Jared tossed the shoe into the flatbed of the truck.
"You can't seriously think," Embry said, "that Jake's gonna lose that fight. Did you see how pissed he was?"
"That's why he's going to lose," Jared countered. "I mean, hell, if Paul talked to Kim like that I'd try to tear his head off, but I'd be too mad to think straight."
"Nah. Even mad, Jake's a natural. Ten bucks says he kicks Paul's ass."
"Done."
They shook on it.
"Can't-- can't you go get them?" I asked, my blood thundering through my veins. It felt like I was having a heart attack. "Please go get them before they hurt each other--"
Both the boys laughed at that. "Bella, I promise, Paul can't do anything that Jacob can't take," Embry said, shaking his head at what he clearly considered to be my delusional naivete.
"And even if he could, Sam wouldn't let him," Jared said.
Embry tossed the remains of the clothes into the truck. "Okay, we'd better get going. I bet Emily's got lunch."
I shook my head negatively and took a deep, shuddering breath, concentrating on not hyperventilating. Embry rolled his eyes, but Jared gave me an oddly fond smile. "You know, she's actually kind of sweet," Jared declared, like I was a kitten in a pet store. "It could be worse."
"Lot of baggage, though," Embry said. "Would've been easier if it was someone else. No offense, Bella."
"This is the way it was meant to be, though. You can't pick how these things work out. It's fate." A dreamy look came over Jared's face, and Embry made a discreet gagging motion.
As my head started to clear, it occurred to me that I was getting really sick of everyone talking in riddles.
Embry examined my face, then held out his hand. "Mind if I drive? You look like you're going to keel over, and if you wound up in a car crash Jake would kill me."
I pulled out my car keys, but held them back. "I'll let you drive if you tell me what the hell you're all talking about," I said. "What do you mean, 'it would be easier if it was someone else'?"
Embry looked uncomfortable. "Uh--"
"And what," I demanded, "is imprinting?"
Both Jared and Embry raised their hands at that. "There is no way," Embry stated emphatically, "that I'm going there."
"Don't worry, Jacob will crack soon," Jared assured me. "I can't believe he's even held out this long. I told Kim after, like, six hours."
"And a miserable six hours it was," Embry grumbled. "C'mon, Bella, please? I'm starving."
I scowled and tossed him the keys. "Fine. But I'm getting answers, and I'm getting them soon."
"Fine. Answers always go better with food." Embry climbed into the truck. "Let's go."
Jared glanced at me and smiled as he climbed into the flat bed. "Just wait," he said. "It'll work out, you'll see. It always does. This is the way it's supposed to be."
I didn't like the sound of that at all.
***
Chapter Five: Plans
Sanity Update: Do you have any idea how often Meyer uses "I" and "me" in her writing? A lot. A lot a lot a lot. Even by first person standards. Considering it's embarrassingly obvious that Bella is her avatar, I think we can safely assume that Meyer is the most self-centered writer in history, even accounting for such navel-gazers as Emily Bronte and that dude who writes the Left Behind series.