[FIC] Seconds To An End
Seconds to an end
I couldn't look at your eyes. No, I couldn't. Not with your eyes bore deep into me, staring with all the patience you left with to seek something inside of me. Something to reassure you that your previous decision was wrong, there was still something left worth enough to fight for; me, you, us… Our relationship can survive -reviving it back to live seemed far much impossible at the moment.
I love you.
We surrounded ourselves with silence. I couldn't look at you, so I laid my sight on our table. I could feel how cold wind blew around us, seeing how your cup of coffee was shaking a bit, not that you really mind of course, it’s been cold for far too long. In fact the weather got colder in minutes. Maybe it was a mistake for us to book this air-open side of the café.
Our relationship is a mistake too…. If it isn’t a joke.
“ …-llie, Yeollie,” I heard you call up my name, but my body refused to respond, “Sungyeol, look at me.”
No, I couldn't. I hope that I could.
“If you don’t look at me, at least listen to me. Carefully.”
Nor did I want to do that, too. I wanted to cover my ears, shaking my head from side to side, putting my hilarious expression, acting like a child that won"t listen -I’m the childish one after all. That way, maybe you’d laugh at me, tickle me or stomp at me so I would stop.
A breeze of wind passed by, it was too close I can felt it swap my eyes, they turned dry. Only to have it began to water the next second. You won't stop me. You would though.
“Sungyeol,” you extended your hand from across the table. Maybe you could see them flicking in my eyes. The tears.
Then I realized, I tossed your hand away.
You sighed a bit before continuing, “ We……. We tried.”
Not at our best. Not my best to be exact.
“We tried. We’ve tried. But I don’t think it will go further than this,” and the chilly winds wiped my nose this time, it choked me a bit, “We’re done.”
There was a long pause. Long long long ones, so many breezes of wind slapped my face back and forth. Instead of freezing, I could feel how heat rose all to my face. My lips weren’t dry. I bit it too much it looked swollen.
Add my watery eyes and runny nose, I looked like I was going to cry.
“I’m tired with this. I’m tired with you.”
I never knew before that winds could swipe hearts too. It felt like a cold slick sharp dagger, wounded you yet deafening you with its screeching sound.
“I know.”
There. I didn’t plan it. I didn't even know that I knew. Yet, it enraged you.
“So… you know, huh? You know…and then what? You won't rebut me about it? You won't change it?” Your questions were unstoppable. I looked at your fingers, knuckle white gripping the table edge too hard.
“Tell me! Answer me!”
And I answered you with silence. This time, you hit the table to break my answer.
“…just tell me, Sungyeol, tell me something,” You covered half of your face with your hand but the winds still brought your words to me, “Tell me something that will save…. us. Tell me that you want ‘us’. Tell me it’s not me the only one who want to keep ‘us’.”
The winds failed to bring your melodious voice, what reached my ear sounded like a half-leased sob.
I love you.
I love you. I love you, don’t cry.
You know it, don’t you? You know I love you before I open my lips to say a word. You know it. Yo-
“I’m not that stubborn, Sungyeollie, I promise to myself I’ll wait for you, but I have my limits.”
I lifted my head slightly, catching a glimpse of your sad smile. Don’t be sad Myungsoo, I love you-
-but then you were already gone.
--
I spotted your figure walking through the crowds as the sky got darker. It would rain soon, and I remembered we didn’t bring umbrella from the dorm. But it seemed like you didn’t care, for you to walk faster and faster; I could see you running, running away from me, from your pain.
I couldn't bring myself to care, too.
As the first drop of rain fell, I looked up to the falling sky, I kept my eyes open. I tried to look for answers, for the wrong fragment inside of me that crushed us, crushed you.
Because I love you, Myungsoo, I love you.
Why do you have to go before I could even say it once to you?
Raindrops kept falling inside my mouth as I took it endlessly. My jaw felt a bit numb but it was okay. All I wanted was to have these three untold words washed away.
IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.
FIN
Fail angst and hardly make any sense, I know ^__^; I typed this in hurry, as fast as the angsty mood came and left me. You can read it as the sequel of my previous work ‘Me, You, and This Morning that Comes Too Early’ but I think you can read it as a stand alone. Anyway, is there anyone who wants to offer beta-service for me? I will make a chaptered Woogyu in the near future and I don’t want to ruin the story with my poor grammar ^___~
Thank you for reading! Your comments are love <3