I *will* do it...
Madam Pomfrey had just become my sworn enemy, and I swear to God... Allah... Buddha... the Devil... that I will smite her if she doesn't let me see Ernie. Today, he went into serious delirium. I was sitting in the corner behind the glass as usual... a situation I'll tolerate for now... when Ernie started panicking that I was going to get killed.
At first I thought he was worried that I was going to get sick from the Pox. But when he started ranting and crying about Fred and Colin and Lupin... I knew. Well, Pomfrey was on me to leave before I was even up standing. Shoving me about with that constant stream of, 'get out, get out get, out' she does. I generally believe in a chivalric mindset, but it was very hard not to haul off and sock her one.
Well... we got into a bit of a showdown outside Ernie's ward. I told her to give me the proper spelled clothes, or damned the consequences. I'd go in and risk infection just to hold Ernie's hand. Pomfrey threatened to put us away in separate wards if I did.
See... I guess I should have updated this journal awhile back. But I get so knackered after work, I just want to sack out for a tick. See Ernie... maybe write Terr or Ant. But... ah Merlin I need to put all this into focus. Its been too long since I tried to rationalize all this.
I guess first off... I had a mini-breakdown with Ernie the first week back at Hogwarts. Ernie caught me walking out of the ward and pestered me endlessly until I happened to panic about the size of the room. Since then... well... I've been pretty sure. It sort of solidified all my faith in it all. I mean he can be bloody annoying with the pestering, but I know he wouldn't do it if he didn't care.
But I've been giving him the time to think about how he feels. I miss him like mad of course. I've been by every day since he got sick. Trying to bolster his spirits. Even read him a few spots of mail. But I realized just how often he and I touch and what have you. You notice things like that when you can't do it anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about it- what we did... or is he just putting it all off because of guilt. If I was smart, I should give up and move along. I've already done the unrequited passion bit, can't say I fancy it again. Still... I feel this gut instinct thing telling me to hang on a bit longer.
I think about that night a lot. I mean.. we were emotional wrecks. Every good and yet so bad all crashing down around us all at once. Who wouldn't try to find an anchor. I liked kissing him though. I mean I might have waited on the rest, but I'm not even at all ashamed of us snogging. I guess I'm not ashamed of the other bit either... just wish I remembered more. It was brilliant. Bloody short but brilliant.
Well... I'm rambling on and that serves no point. I'm going back tomorrow. Either she gives me a spelled suit or I'm catching the Pox. I don't care if she puts us in separate wards. I'll get my moment, sod her. Damn the consequences, this matters.
Its Ernie... its worth it.
At first I thought he was worried that I was going to get sick from the Pox. But when he started ranting and crying about Fred and Colin and Lupin... I knew. Well, Pomfrey was on me to leave before I was even up standing. Shoving me about with that constant stream of, 'get out, get out get, out' she does. I generally believe in a chivalric mindset, but it was very hard not to haul off and sock her one.
Well... we got into a bit of a showdown outside Ernie's ward. I told her to give me the proper spelled clothes, or damned the consequences. I'd go in and risk infection just to hold Ernie's hand. Pomfrey threatened to put us away in separate wards if I did.
See... I guess I should have updated this journal awhile back. But I get so knackered after work, I just want to sack out for a tick. See Ernie... maybe write Terr or Ant. But... ah Merlin I need to put all this into focus. Its been too long since I tried to rationalize all this.
I guess first off... I had a mini-breakdown with Ernie the first week back at Hogwarts. Ernie caught me walking out of the ward and pestered me endlessly until I happened to panic about the size of the room. Since then... well... I've been pretty sure. It sort of solidified all my faith in it all. I mean he can be bloody annoying with the pestering, but I know he wouldn't do it if he didn't care.
But I've been giving him the time to think about how he feels. I miss him like mad of course. I've been by every day since he got sick. Trying to bolster his spirits. Even read him a few spots of mail. But I realized just how often he and I touch and what have you. You notice things like that when you can't do it anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about it- what we did... or is he just putting it all off because of guilt. If I was smart, I should give up and move along. I've already done the unrequited passion bit, can't say I fancy it again. Still... I feel this gut instinct thing telling me to hang on a bit longer.
I think about that night a lot. I mean.. we were emotional wrecks. Every good and yet so bad all crashing down around us all at once. Who wouldn't try to find an anchor. I liked kissing him though. I mean I might have waited on the rest, but I'm not even at all ashamed of us snogging. I guess I'm not ashamed of the other bit either... just wish I remembered more. It was brilliant. Bloody short but brilliant.
Well... I'm rambling on and that serves no point. I'm going back tomorrow. Either she gives me a spelled suit or I'm catching the Pox. I don't care if she puts us in separate wards. I'll get my moment, sod her. Damn the consequences, this matters.
Its Ernie... its worth it.