Fuck me....
I didn't know this was possible, but now that I do, I want to pretend it isn't. That's for damned sure. I can barely read or write this, my hands are shaking so bad.
I think about that night almost everyday... Theodore and I standing in the chamber after I went to try and find Euan and that Stanley kid. That was the last time we were even sort of mates. Of course that was what... a month and a half past that whole debacle with me crushing on him. Two months past that time in the Owlery. Of course Euan wasn't there and it was all a ruse to lure in some bleeding heart. And it worked.
I don't remember alot from that night, just Theodore doing the work. I've got a few scars of it, but I don't remember how each one was given. Even when I dream about it, its incomplete and hazy. Except tonight was different. I'm still sorting it all out, which needless to say is bloody hard because my whole body feels like its tingling.
I woke up screaming in pain. It felt like someone was running liquid fire down my arms and into my fingers. I remember the dream as vividly as I could for something I hardly recall. But the pain started in the dream and I woke up with it. I don't know exactly what happened past that, except Aberforth and a couple others apparently found me writhing on the floor. They ended up summoning Madam Pomfrey from Hogwarts rather than someone from St. Mungo's, since she treated me that night.
She called it something like a Memory-Induced Prior Incantatum. Essentially, as I understand it, its very advanced and very troublesome wandless magic. Through my own mind's subconscious, I essentially inflicted the Cruciatus Curse on myself because I was dreaming of being Crucio'ed. Vicious circle there. "MI-PI" can be just about any form of hex or spell, but Cruciatus is the most common. Its the most memorable of torture spells. But its apparently not uncommon for people who have undergone extensive Cruciatus torture and were marked by powerful emotion-based magic as a child.
So can they send me to Azkaban for casting Cruciatus on myself? Ha...
Anyway I swore Pomfrey to secrecy. I don't want Ernie to find out through her. I'll tell him. I don't want to tell him because he'll be a git and worry about me like a bloody mother hen. But I know... I have to. If we're going to make it as a couple I have to be honest. If it happens again, he's got to understand whats happening in my head. So... I guess I tell him his boyfriend's a subconscious masochist next time I see him.
And the week was going so well too...
I think about that night almost everyday... Theodore and I standing in the chamber after I went to try and find Euan and that Stanley kid. That was the last time we were even sort of mates. Of course that was what... a month and a half past that whole debacle with me crushing on him. Two months past that time in the Owlery. Of course Euan wasn't there and it was all a ruse to lure in some bleeding heart. And it worked.
I don't remember alot from that night, just Theodore doing the work. I've got a few scars of it, but I don't remember how each one was given. Even when I dream about it, its incomplete and hazy. Except tonight was different. I'm still sorting it all out, which needless to say is bloody hard because my whole body feels like its tingling.
I woke up screaming in pain. It felt like someone was running liquid fire down my arms and into my fingers. I remember the dream as vividly as I could for something I hardly recall. But the pain started in the dream and I woke up with it. I don't know exactly what happened past that, except Aberforth and a couple others apparently found me writhing on the floor. They ended up summoning Madam Pomfrey from Hogwarts rather than someone from St. Mungo's, since she treated me that night.
She called it something like a Memory-Induced Prior Incantatum. Essentially, as I understand it, its very advanced and very troublesome wandless magic. Through my own mind's subconscious, I essentially inflicted the Cruciatus Curse on myself because I was dreaming of being Crucio'ed. Vicious circle there. "MI-PI" can be just about any form of hex or spell, but Cruciatus is the most common. Its the most memorable of torture spells. But its apparently not uncommon for people who have undergone extensive Cruciatus torture and were marked by powerful emotion-based magic as a child.
So can they send me to Azkaban for casting Cruciatus on myself? Ha...
Anyway I swore Pomfrey to secrecy. I don't want Ernie to find out through her. I'll tell him. I don't want to tell him because he'll be a git and worry about me like a bloody mother hen. But I know... I have to. If we're going to make it as a couple I have to be honest. If it happens again, he's got to understand whats happening in my head. So... I guess I tell him his boyfriend's a subconscious masochist next time I see him.
And the week was going so well too...