(no subject)
We'll just call this the Harry Potter Photoshop Project, because frankly, all my other titles consist of augustfai having no life. You have to admit, though, it is amusing.
At approximately 12:01 PM, in the east wing of the Malfoy Manor, Draco Malfoy sent out an e-mail to the women in his life, excluding all those affiliated with the Dark Lord. He nearly forgot his Yahoo! e-mail password, but just in the nick of time remembered it (sexonthebeach). He pulled the address book out of the dregs in Harry's bookshelf, located three e-mail addresses, raised his eyebrows at their unoriginality (save one), and typed the e-mail. It was short and just the way he liked it.
"Draco," Harry said then, popping his head round the door and smelling of paprika, eggs, and motor oil, "shopping. Hermione's baby shower. Now."
"I'm not bloody going," Draco mumbled.
"It's a girl," Harry sang.
"No."
~
Ginny Weasley was having brunch when her computer made that godawful beeping noise.
"Bugger," she said, through a mouthful of potatoes. "Luna, could you check that?"
"I do believe it's your computer, dear," Luna replied in a sing-song voice, summoning the milk from the refrigerator.
"Well, thanks," Ginny mumbled dryly.
"No problem, love."
She plopped herself in front of the slow, cranky thing and, opening up her inbox, nearly choked on her tea once she saw who it was.
"Malfoy...?"
Hurriedly she read the e-mail and, upon finishing it, strolled back into the kitchen, tea cold.
"Luna, do we have any photo albums?"
"Second room, third shelf on the right," replied Luna Lovegood, who was already standing up.
~
Hermione Granger-Weasley (officially she was Hermione Weasley, but she much preferred Granger-Weasley) had just put one of her baby cousins down to sleep when her husband yelled from the other room.
"OI, HERMIONE," Ron called, bellowing at the top of his bloody lungs, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
The baby's eyes shot open, as did its mouth, and Hermione winced as it yelled along with her other half.
"HERMIONE? DID YOU HEAR ME?"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes and dreamed of peace and sharp knives.
Her husband walked through the door.
"Ron," she said through gritted teeth, "you just woke up Cecilia."
"Oh," he said, unabashed. "Sorry."
"No. I don't think you heard me." Hermione's eyes flashed. "You just WOKE UP Cecilia."
At this, Ron seemed to have realized exactly what he had done, as he faltered (much like a puppy) and looked downwards.
"Oh," he said. "Sorry. I'll put her back to sleep, okay?"
Hermione smiled. Pregnancy was shitting on her moods. "Thank you." With a little difficulty, she stood up from her chair and trudged into the next room. "Who's it from?"
"The e-mail? I dunno. Malfoy, I think." Ron grunted as he picked up Cecilia. "Did you send that baaa....bad man an invitation?"
"Language," was all Hermione said as she exited the room.
Five minutes later, she cursed rather vehemently.
"Language," Ron called.
"Oh, shut up, Ron. And go get the photo album."
~
Pansy Parkinson did not even open her eyes as the maid appeared by her side.
"Miss Parkinson, you've received an e-mail from Master Malfoy," said the young girl.
Pansy shifted on her chair and picked up her martini. "Wotsit say?" she mumbled, sloshing liquid onto her fine skin.
The maid read the e-mail out loud, which had been printed from Pansy's computer and was now on a silver tray. After reading, the maid, whose name was Opal, held out two photo albums and another martini.
"Third year and a photo from one of your shoots last week," said Opal. "Or would you prefer another combination?"
Pansy smiled and accepted the new martini.
"No, no. Third year is fine. And last week's photos were great." There was a pause in which Pansy chewed her olive. "When's my next appointment, Opal?"
"Today at five o'clock, miss."
With a wave of a model's hand, Opal was dismissed. Pansy's eyes were still closed.
~
At a random corner in the East End of London, Harry Potter gave Colin Creevey a pat on the back.
"I cannot believe you still have these," Harry mused as Colin blushed.
"They're only from seventh year," the timid man replied. "And I'm sorry I did it at all."
"No, don't be," said Harry, still amused. "I mean if Draco finds out he'll be sure to slaughter you and your family, but it's not a problem."
Colin swallowed. "Right. Well, be seeing you, Harry."
He waved and disappeared. Harry waved back, slipped a small package into the interior of his trench coat, and left.
~
Luna finished her letter before Ginny.
"Hurry up," said the blonde to the redhead.
Ginny's hand scribbled out her note. "Almost done, almost done."
When she was finished, Luna folded them both and licked the envelope sloppily.
"You're disgusting," Ginny said, wrinkling her nose. "I can't do that."
"To each her own," the girlfriend replied, and shoved the owl out of the window, where it almost hit the ground before zooming off.
~
Pansy remembered to send her letter right before her 9 AM photoshoot. She got talcum powder all over the envelope, but it didn't really matter.
"Miss Parkinson," the chauffeur said. "Would you please hurry up?"
"Shut up, Jarvis," she snapped. "Who's paying you, huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. Drive on!"
~
A week after the e-mail was sent out, Draco Malfoy returned home, threw the cat outside, and gave three envelopes to his boyfriend.
"For the dart wall," he said smugly as Harry saw who they were from.
"No they're not. They're for the scrapbook," Harry said, frowning. "You made it sound like it was some kind of secret mission, too."
"I couldn't say it was for a bloody scrapbook, it'd make me sound like some sort of housewife." Draco pulled off his boots and, looking up, saw there was a plain white envelope being shoved in his face. "Whassat?"
Harry grinned evilly. "It's for your scrapbook."
Draco held it up to the light.
"No fucking way," he mumbled.
"Colin," Harry grinned.
"Little bastard." But Draco was smiling. "He's dirty. And your grammar is horrible. It's the. Or those. Not them."
"I don't care," Harry said, sauntering over to his boyfriend. "Just, how do you like them?"
Draco opened the envelope, looked the the photos more carefully, and smirked.
"Raw," he said, and tucked the envelope in Harry's trousers.
~
After dusk, when all the letters had been read, the photos glued into Harry's girly scrapbook, and the apples liked, Harry clicked on the light.
"Draco. Hermione. Baby shower," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Gotta...wrap the present."
"'M not going," Draco grunted.
"Yeah y'are."
"No 'm not."
"Yer goin'."
"...fine. Just shut up."
On the bedside table, Hermione's letter giggled. There was a small silence.
"That bitch," Draco growled.
Harry smiled. "Now, now..."
~
The images took me about twenty minutes each to do, but it was a pain. However, I'm a pro at doing scotch tape in Photoshop now. XD
Picture credits to gettyimages.com, TLC, Eneada, and Mugglenet
At approximately 12:01 PM, in the east wing of the Malfoy Manor, Draco Malfoy sent out an e-mail to the women in his life, excluding all those affiliated with the Dark Lord. He nearly forgot his Yahoo! e-mail password, but just in the nick of time remembered it (sexonthebeach). He pulled the address book out of the dregs in Harry's bookshelf, located three e-mail addresses, raised his eyebrows at their unoriginality (save one), and typed the e-mail. It was short and just the way he liked it.
"Draco," Harry said then, popping his head round the door and smelling of paprika, eggs, and motor oil, "shopping. Hermione's baby shower. Now."
"I'm not bloody going," Draco mumbled.
"It's a girl," Harry sang.
"No."
~
Ginny Weasley was having brunch when her computer made that godawful beeping noise.
"Bugger," she said, through a mouthful of potatoes. "Luna, could you check that?"
"I do believe it's your computer, dear," Luna replied in a sing-song voice, summoning the milk from the refrigerator.
"Well, thanks," Ginny mumbled dryly.
"No problem, love."
She plopped herself in front of the slow, cranky thing and, opening up her inbox, nearly choked on her tea once she saw who it was.
"Malfoy...?"
Hurriedly she read the e-mail and, upon finishing it, strolled back into the kitchen, tea cold.
"Luna, do we have any photo albums?"
"Second room, third shelf on the right," replied Luna Lovegood, who was already standing up.
~
Hermione Granger-Weasley (officially she was Hermione Weasley, but she much preferred Granger-Weasley) had just put one of her baby cousins down to sleep when her husband yelled from the other room.
"OI, HERMIONE," Ron called, bellowing at the top of his bloody lungs, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
The baby's eyes shot open, as did its mouth, and Hermione winced as it yelled along with her other half.
"HERMIONE? DID YOU HEAR ME?"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes and dreamed of peace and sharp knives.
Her husband walked through the door.
"Ron," she said through gritted teeth, "you just woke up Cecilia."
"Oh," he said, unabashed. "Sorry."
"No. I don't think you heard me." Hermione's eyes flashed. "You just WOKE UP Cecilia."
At this, Ron seemed to have realized exactly what he had done, as he faltered (much like a puppy) and looked downwards.
"Oh," he said. "Sorry. I'll put her back to sleep, okay?"
Hermione smiled. Pregnancy was shitting on her moods. "Thank you." With a little difficulty, she stood up from her chair and trudged into the next room. "Who's it from?"
"The e-mail? I dunno. Malfoy, I think." Ron grunted as he picked up Cecilia. "Did you send that baaa....bad man an invitation?"
"Language," was all Hermione said as she exited the room.
Five minutes later, she cursed rather vehemently.
"Language," Ron called.
"Oh, shut up, Ron. And go get the photo album."
~
Pansy Parkinson did not even open her eyes as the maid appeared by her side.
"Miss Parkinson, you've received an e-mail from Master Malfoy," said the young girl.
Pansy shifted on her chair and picked up her martini. "Wotsit say?" she mumbled, sloshing liquid onto her fine skin.
The maid read the e-mail out loud, which had been printed from Pansy's computer and was now on a silver tray. After reading, the maid, whose name was Opal, held out two photo albums and another martini.
"Third year and a photo from one of your shoots last week," said Opal. "Or would you prefer another combination?"
Pansy smiled and accepted the new martini.
"No, no. Third year is fine. And last week's photos were great." There was a pause in which Pansy chewed her olive. "When's my next appointment, Opal?"
"Today at five o'clock, miss."
With a wave of a model's hand, Opal was dismissed. Pansy's eyes were still closed.
~
At a random corner in the East End of London, Harry Potter gave Colin Creevey a pat on the back.
"I cannot believe you still have these," Harry mused as Colin blushed.
"They're only from seventh year," the timid man replied. "And I'm sorry I did it at all."
"No, don't be," said Harry, still amused. "I mean if Draco finds out he'll be sure to slaughter you and your family, but it's not a problem."
Colin swallowed. "Right. Well, be seeing you, Harry."
He waved and disappeared. Harry waved back, slipped a small package into the interior of his trench coat, and left.
~
Luna finished her letter before Ginny.
"Hurry up," said the blonde to the redhead.
Ginny's hand scribbled out her note. "Almost done, almost done."
When she was finished, Luna folded them both and licked the envelope sloppily.
"You're disgusting," Ginny said, wrinkling her nose. "I can't do that."
"To each her own," the girlfriend replied, and shoved the owl out of the window, where it almost hit the ground before zooming off.
~
Pansy remembered to send her letter right before her 9 AM photoshoot. She got talcum powder all over the envelope, but it didn't really matter.
"Miss Parkinson," the chauffeur said. "Would you please hurry up?"
"Shut up, Jarvis," she snapped. "Who's paying you, huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. Drive on!"
~
A week after the e-mail was sent out, Draco Malfoy returned home, threw the cat outside, and gave three envelopes to his boyfriend.
"For the dart wall," he said smugly as Harry saw who they were from.
"No they're not. They're for the scrapbook," Harry said, frowning. "You made it sound like it was some kind of secret mission, too."
"I couldn't say it was for a bloody scrapbook, it'd make me sound like some sort of housewife." Draco pulled off his boots and, looking up, saw there was a plain white envelope being shoved in his face. "Whassat?"
Harry grinned evilly. "It's for your scrapbook."
Draco held it up to the light.
"No fucking way," he mumbled.
"Colin," Harry grinned.
"Little bastard." But Draco was smiling. "He's dirty. And your grammar is horrible. It's the. Or those. Not them."
"I don't care," Harry said, sauntering over to his boyfriend. "Just, how do you like them?"
Draco opened the envelope, looked the the photos more carefully, and smirked.
"Raw," he said, and tucked the envelope in Harry's trousers.
~
After dusk, when all the letters had been read, the photos glued into Harry's girly scrapbook, and the apples liked, Harry clicked on the light.
"Draco. Hermione. Baby shower," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Gotta...wrap the present."
"'M not going," Draco grunted.
"Yeah y'are."
"No 'm not."
"Yer goin'."
"...fine. Just shut up."
On the bedside table, Hermione's letter giggled. There was a small silence.
"That bitch," Draco growled.
Harry smiled. "Now, now..."
~
The images took me about twenty minutes each to do, but it was a pain. However, I'm a pro at doing scotch tape in Photoshop now. XD
Picture credits to gettyimages.com, TLC, Eneada, and Mugglenet