Sunday Reveries - Neil Gaiman quote
**Note: In my head, this is actually all taking place before the end of OotP. But this is not binding on any muses, simply something that I felt the need to write out. A possibility, as it were. Also, this is by far the longest thing I've written in over a year. Yikes. Anyway, feedback, as always, is most welcome. Also this is raw and unbeta-ed, so feel free to point out glaring mistakes, I can always go back and polish it up.
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore."
- Neil Gaiman
She certainly didn’t think of it as dating, not right away. Remus needed to get out of the house on Grimmauld Place, and Tonks needed time away from things related to work and the Order - so they went out together, because it made sense, didn’t it? They didn’t have to hide, they both knew the boundaries, and they enjoyed each other’s company.
They went to the Muggle cinema, or for a walk in the park, or to a pub for a drink or two. Sometimes even to her flat for tea. She found herself having fun with him.
Tonks had a crush on him, of course. It was almost immediate, because he was charming, and earnest, and clearly didn’t intend to be flirting with her, and that was possibly the most charming thing of all. But it was just a crush, and they weren’t dating. He was a friend, and that was that.
Of course, one day Molly Weasley had to comment on it. “How are things going with Remus, dear?” she asked as they worked on cleaning out an old bedroom in the house.
Tonks immediately dropped a ceramic pitcher she’d been carrying so that it shattered to pieces at her feet. If nothing else, it was a good excuse to hide her confusion as she repaired it. “What on Earth do you mean? We do things together sometimes, because he needs to get out of the house.”
“Yes, and when you walk into a room, Buckbeak could come clattering down the stairs and begin mauling people and he wouldn’t even notice.”
Tonks stifled a curse as the pitcher shattered again.
So, really, she blamed Molly for ruining it. After that day, Tonks couldn’t help but steal glances at him occasionally, and she was continually imagining him doing things like, well, snogging her in darkened alleys.
He looked at her, sometimes, she knew. Usually, as far as she could tell, the look was one of amusement, or affection, the sort of look one would give a good friend.
There was one day, though, about three days before a full moon, when they went to see a film. It was an old Italian film, which Remus liked and Tonks didn’t mind either because they were very sexy, and she didn’t even need to bother reading the subtitles because just listening to them speak Italian was very nice indeed. Remus had warned her that going out so soon before the full moon might cause problems, but she trusted him. It wasn’t as though he was going to attack her on a busy London street in the middle of the afternoon.
But at one point during the film she glanced at him, and he was looking at her, but it was a different kind of look. It was intense, and hungry. He glanced away immediately, of course, and they didn’t talk about it, but she wasn’t afraid. She wanted to see that look on his face again.
So, she decided after giving it some calm, detached thought, she was probably in love with Remus Lupin. It made sense. Over the course of several months, he’d become her best friend. She’d told him things that no one else knew about her, not even her parents. And he had confided things to her, as well. Precious memories, experiences that she could only imagine, and fears that were intensely personal.
She trusted him with her life, and there was no one else she’d rather spend time with.
Now it was spring, and they had gone out to eat, shared a basket of fish and chips, and the vinegar was sharp on her tongue. It wasn’t that far back to the house on Grimmauld Place, and the night was very mild, so they walked and continued their conversation and polished off the last few chips.
“…And I told him, look, that’s a talking teapot, the last thing I need is another item in my flat to tell me what a klutz I’m being and how I ought to clean up more often.”
Remus smiled, and said, “I understand completely. My mirror and Molly Weasley are competing for the record number of times someone tells me I’m looking rumpled again today.”
“They say that like it’s a bad thing.”
She always gave him a hug before leaving. He’d been a little bit awkward about it at first but after a few times he’d started relaxing a bit more and returning the hug. This time, though, it lingered a little longer than usual, and instead of pulling away, Tonks looked at him for a moment. They were outside, and his eyes were in shadow, but she could tell his mouth was turned down a bit in confusion.
So she kissed him.
It was hardly a momentous kiss. It was nice, but not earth-shattering. He tasted about the way she imagined - underlying sweetness, and the sharp taste of vinegar still lingering. It lasted a while, and he didn’t shove her away roughly. He held her close for a moment or two, letting the kiss break before they ran out of breath.
But then, then he pulled away, carefully and slowly, until he was - quite literally - holding her at arm’s length. “Dora,” he said, and his face was sad.
Tonks realized, heart sinking, that this was going to hurt.
Word count: 893
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore."
- Neil Gaiman
She certainly didn’t think of it as dating, not right away. Remus needed to get out of the house on Grimmauld Place, and Tonks needed time away from things related to work and the Order - so they went out together, because it made sense, didn’t it? They didn’t have to hide, they both knew the boundaries, and they enjoyed each other’s company.
They went to the Muggle cinema, or for a walk in the park, or to a pub for a drink or two. Sometimes even to her flat for tea. She found herself having fun with him.
Tonks had a crush on him, of course. It was almost immediate, because he was charming, and earnest, and clearly didn’t intend to be flirting with her, and that was possibly the most charming thing of all. But it was just a crush, and they weren’t dating. He was a friend, and that was that.
Of course, one day Molly Weasley had to comment on it. “How are things going with Remus, dear?” she asked as they worked on cleaning out an old bedroom in the house.
Tonks immediately dropped a ceramic pitcher she’d been carrying so that it shattered to pieces at her feet. If nothing else, it was a good excuse to hide her confusion as she repaired it. “What on Earth do you mean? We do things together sometimes, because he needs to get out of the house.”
“Yes, and when you walk into a room, Buckbeak could come clattering down the stairs and begin mauling people and he wouldn’t even notice.”
Tonks stifled a curse as the pitcher shattered again.
So, really, she blamed Molly for ruining it. After that day, Tonks couldn’t help but steal glances at him occasionally, and she was continually imagining him doing things like, well, snogging her in darkened alleys.
He looked at her, sometimes, she knew. Usually, as far as she could tell, the look was one of amusement, or affection, the sort of look one would give a good friend.
There was one day, though, about three days before a full moon, when they went to see a film. It was an old Italian film, which Remus liked and Tonks didn’t mind either because they were very sexy, and she didn’t even need to bother reading the subtitles because just listening to them speak Italian was very nice indeed. Remus had warned her that going out so soon before the full moon might cause problems, but she trusted him. It wasn’t as though he was going to attack her on a busy London street in the middle of the afternoon.
But at one point during the film she glanced at him, and he was looking at her, but it was a different kind of look. It was intense, and hungry. He glanced away immediately, of course, and they didn’t talk about it, but she wasn’t afraid. She wanted to see that look on his face again.
So, she decided after giving it some calm, detached thought, she was probably in love with Remus Lupin. It made sense. Over the course of several months, he’d become her best friend. She’d told him things that no one else knew about her, not even her parents. And he had confided things to her, as well. Precious memories, experiences that she could only imagine, and fears that were intensely personal.
She trusted him with her life, and there was no one else she’d rather spend time with.
Now it was spring, and they had gone out to eat, shared a basket of fish and chips, and the vinegar was sharp on her tongue. It wasn’t that far back to the house on Grimmauld Place, and the night was very mild, so they walked and continued their conversation and polished off the last few chips.
“…And I told him, look, that’s a talking teapot, the last thing I need is another item in my flat to tell me what a klutz I’m being and how I ought to clean up more often.”
Remus smiled, and said, “I understand completely. My mirror and Molly Weasley are competing for the record number of times someone tells me I’m looking rumpled again today.”
“They say that like it’s a bad thing.”
She always gave him a hug before leaving. He’d been a little bit awkward about it at first but after a few times he’d started relaxing a bit more and returning the hug. This time, though, it lingered a little longer than usual, and instead of pulling away, Tonks looked at him for a moment. They were outside, and his eyes were in shadow, but she could tell his mouth was turned down a bit in confusion.
So she kissed him.
It was hardly a momentous kiss. It was nice, but not earth-shattering. He tasted about the way she imagined - underlying sweetness, and the sharp taste of vinegar still lingering. It lasted a while, and he didn’t shove her away roughly. He held her close for a moment or two, letting the kiss break before they ran out of breath.
But then, then he pulled away, carefully and slowly, until he was - quite literally - holding her at arm’s length. “Dora,” he said, and his face was sad.
Tonks realized, heart sinking, that this was going to hurt.
Word count: 893