DVD Meta: Insurance SNAFU
fabrisse picked "Insurance SNAFU at the CPO" for me to dvd commentary. I've never done one of these before. Hope I'm doing it right.
The original version can be found here
Title: Insurance SNAFU at the CPO
Pairing: None/Gen
Category: Angst & Humor
Characters: Daniel
Rating: Family Rating
Status: complete
Series: N/A
Spoilers: Takes place after either Origin or Beachhead so anything up to Season 9 (the season 9 spoilers themselves are vague). I was planning on having it be after Vala was gone and Daniel was definitely staying, but in retrospect, it works best after Origin
Warnings: None; though no Daniels were harmed in the writing of this fic, it does contain several references to canon deaths of DanielMy paranoia in early days of how seriously people took death warnings
Summary: Daniel is called to the Civilian Personnel Office (CPO) for an audit when his file raises some red flags. A lighthearted look at the many deaths of Daniel.
Insurance SNAFU at the CPO. This is one of the few titles of mine I'm happy with. It sets the tone of military bureaucracy instantly. The military love their acronyms. For those who don't know. SNAFU is an "unofficial one" that stands for Situation Normal, all F***[ouled] Up. CPO is Civilian Personnel Office, which I'm not sure they're called that anymore.
As I explained in my original author's notes, this fic came about because the message board I was hanging out with started joking around about the many deaths of Daniel, and I made a crack about how he probably couldn't get life insurance now. And then I started thinking about it more, and was in a real writer's block on "Many Roads" at the time, so I decided to play with the idea. I chose only "our timeline/universe" version of Daniel, and moments where he at least was "mostly" dead. It was originally meant to be much crackier, but I started getting invested in the characters, and the final product turned out much more "straight."
Another note, this was originally going to be from Daniel's POV, but I liked the outsider perspective better. Sometimes in the fic, I still slip up and have it as Daniel, or at least more ambiguous.
Patricia Jennings sighed as she went through the large pile of folders on her desk.A coin toss is what decided the bureaucrat would be a Patricia rather than a Patrick. I'm glad of the result. I ended up infusing a bit more personality into her than I originally planned. Sometimes it seemed like her inbox never diminished. It would, of course, help if people returned her calls and e-mails so she could finalize some of the half-finished files scattered through her office.
A soft knock at the door broke her out of her reverie. A tall bespectacled man stood hesitantly on the threshold. He was dressed in military fatigues, but they hung on him in a casual manner. Though not slovenly, her years of experience told her this was a man who never had to pass an inspection while wearing the uniform my crack about Daniel (and SG-1's) inattention to military uniform protocol. He was probably a civilian attached to a military field unit --which meant he was her appointment, twenty minutes late, but considering she had figured he was going to be a no-show like the last three times, his appearance was a shock.I think this sentence is too run-on, but I like the sentiment.
He gave her a charming smile as he spoke. "Ms. Jennings? I'm Daniel Jackson. General Landry told me you wanted to see me. I'm sorry I'm late, but I just got released from the infirmary." He is naturally trying to charm, be friendly, but he also wants to get out of there soon. He's got things to do.
She blinked out of her oblivion and rose to greet him. "I'm sorry, Dr. Jackson. I wasn't informed you were ill." She stuck out her hand, which he grasped in a firm handshake. Close-up, she saw the shadows under his eyes and a pallor to his skin. Poor Daniel. He has it rough. Something about his face reminded her of her eldest son, James. He was just a few years younger if she remembered Dr. Jackson's birthdate correctly. She led him to the one other chair empty of paper and books before returning to her desk.
"I hope it's okay I knocked right on your door. There was no one outside..." Normally, there'd be clerks and checkpoints in a military facility, even for the mundane departments of Cheyenne, such as the administrative offices like Civilian Personnel Office (CPO). I figure everyone else is at lunch. I wanted to get the meat of the story.
"It's fine. To be honest, I just thought you were avoiding me. I know my office is not first priority for the people who work here...unless it's a problem with their paycheck."
Dr. Jackson shared the laugh. "That's okay. And please call me Daniel. I wasn't even aware you were trying to get a hold of me. I haven't been checking my e-mail lately. Been a little tied up." Literally. A subtle shoutout to both Vala's kor'mak bracelets and his time tied to a burning stake as Harrid. His expression changed to something between a smile and a grimace. "General Landry said you needed to speak to me about my file?"
"Yes, sir." Pat adjusted the papers on her desk and explained. "When your transfer to the Daedalus was cancelled, and you were to remain here at Cheyenne Mountain, we had to reprocess your paperwork. A couple of red flags shot up." Can't go to Atlantis now, so the paperwork went on its merry way, whether or not Daniel was in a coma during it.
Daniel's expression had darkened at the comment about the Daedalus, but now he looked puzzled. "Oh, red flags?" He half-joked, worriedly. "Does that mean I won't be getting my paycheck?"
"Oh no. Your payroll direct deposit is fine. This is for the insurance."
"Insurance?", Daniel really looked puzzled now. "I don't understand."
"Well, we processed the usual life insurance paperwork, but it came back as denied. It seems there's already been previous payouts for an individual with your social security number." A natural thought would be why Daniel would bother with life insurance by this point in his, er...lives, but I figured it was probably a standard processing. This time it caused the SNAFU, and a...relatively speaking, plausible audit.
Daniel's puzzled expression cleared. "Oh."
Pat was a bit surprised. "With the dangers of identity theft and insurance fraud, I've had to audit your file to answer the insurance company's questions."
"Oh. My file." He cleared his throat. "Audit my whole file." Daniel so doesn't want to deal with this today.
"Yes, Dr. Jackson. That's why you're seeing me and not one of my subordinates. I'm the only one in the Civilian Personnel Office with the necessary clearance to review the SGC's classified files."
Pat Jennings smiled. She expected someone in his position to be more arrogant. Seeing the polite, even friendly, civilian was a welcome change, plus her mothering instinct was beginning to kick into gear now that she realized he was recovering from some sort of injury or illness. I mentioned James to give a contrast of Pat seeing Daniel as a person, not just paperwork conflicting with the fact he's been a pain in the ass to get there, figuring he was just blowing her off. She quickly squelched that instinct. She needed to be professional, or else she wouldn't get through the report.
She was also a little unnerved that he didn't seem shocked there had been multiple payouts on him. No one was above suspicion for fraud, but someone in his position would have gone through multiple, recurring clearance checks. This came out naturally while writing. It's pretty logical there would be an audit, and Daniel's blase attitude would likely freak someone out. As the harried, overworked GS-13 that she was, she probably didn't read his file closely before he arrived, either. Why go through it twice? Surely, there must be some logical explanation. Clamping down on her sympathy, she adopted the posture of a no-nonsense bureaucrat.
"Well, let's start chronologically. Now it seems that you were listed as dead by the United States military for one year just before the start of the SGC program."
"That sounds right." Daniel nodded.
She looked up at him over her glasses. "You were dead for a year?"
"Well, no, not then. But everyone here thought I was, or almost everyone...are you sure you have access to my file?"
"Yes, Doct- Daniel. I have the proper clearance." She pulled a folder out from her pile and handed it to him. "Here is my authorization, sent by the Pentagon with your complete and unedited file."
Daniel perused the contents of the top page quickly. He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows at the signatures. "Cosigned by Jack and President Hayes? Why isn't Major Davis handling this? I mean, no offense, but he's the Pentagon liaison." Daniel (and we) are so used to Davis handling all the Pentagon stuff, I figured a nod to his being out of the loop on this paperwork track would work. Also, I have a feeling Jack took perverse pleasure in getting Henry to sign this during a meeting just to make Daniel squirm more-and possibly to force Daniel to take it more seriously.
Looking slightly nonplussed at his familiarity with the Head of Homeworld Security because stupid PTB never explain Jack's position, I did, heh, Pat nodded. "The Pentagon liaison office tried to handle things, but military personnel and civilian personnel are two different tracks. You've been working here long enough to know the hoops. I field questions that the gaps in your unclassified record can't cover, and Major Davis couldn't predict future questions that may arise because he didn't know all the outside contractors issues nor our policies and procedures. Thus, I'm auditing your file, with both his, and your, cooperation, of course."
"Of course." Daniel resisted rolling his eyes, but couldn't prevent himself from muttering threats under his breath for the next time he saw Jack. He stopped when he realized the woman across from him was watching wide eyed. "Sorry. I understand. You're just doing your job. I'll try to be as forthcoming as possible, I guess." He gestured to the Presidential directive. Remember how I said I muddied POV at times? I couldn't resist Daniel cursing Jack out here. It was an image I had when I first thought of the fic.
"Please, continue. You were asking about Abydos?"
Still surprised at his muttered monologue, her focus was jerked back to her records. "Yes. Your status was listed as deceased after the initial Stargate mission, then updated shortly before General Hammond ordered the follow-up mission."
"Ah. Well then, yes. Part of the issue was keeping quiet about what happened on Abydos. I remained with my wife, and everyone thought I was dead."
"Okay, so that was that confusion." Pat's expression cleared. Maybe the whole file would be just like this, minor discrepancies. "It's just a coding difference. That can be explained without further question for anyone without clearance. You didn't die during that mission." She began to type.
"Oh, no. I did die." Oh Daniel, you really took that full audit seriously, didn't you? Heh
Pat stopped typing and looked up again. "You what?"
"I did die during the initial Abydos mission. Took a staff weapon blast in the chest."
"You did die." She repeated parrotlike.
"Yes, but there was technology that was able to revive me, heal me. I don't even have a scar."
"Oh, okay." Pat knew weird stuff happened below her in the mountain. She'd read the reports. She'd had to read them...accidents with some of the scientist civilians that she sometimes needed to scrub for unclassified eyes and ears, but she had never spoken to anyone who had been resurrected from death. Just goes to show, when your day job is dealing with weird stuff, you can still be surprised "How long were you `dead'?"
"I'm not quite sure." He frowned in puzzlement. "A few hours, maybe? It certainly wasn't a year though." The movie actually has Sha're healed within minutes, but Daniel's time in the sarcophagus is more loose (as with later sarc appearances). I figure Daniel decided to go with a conservative estimate to explain it to Pat. Plus, hours seemed funnier than minutes. :-)
"A few..."
"Hours, not more than ten. Very likely much less."
"Dead a few hours. Mmm. Okay. Well, maybe that's something the insurance company doesn't need to know about, since you were alive most of the time you were missing. I'll make sure we adjust things so there's no further questions asked there." She tried to smile, but it was a bit harder. She knew this audit was going to be a bit surreal. It always was when she dealt with the SGC files, but this was already turning into one of the most bizarre tales she'd yet come across, and she was just getting started.
She turned back to her screen. "Okay, the next notation in the file lists your team as being KIA but revived within the same mission." She remembered when first reading that it was likely a typo, but now with this intelligent man staring innocently, almost expectantly at her, she was beginning to seriously doubt there were any inaccuracies in the file. I love this section as it's dawning on Pat just how freaky this whole thing is.
"Which mission was that?" Daniel can't even be sure which death she's referencing!
She gave out the designation of the world, and he smiled in recognition. "The Nox. Yes, that would be correct."
"'Killed in Action' would be a correct designation, but you were alive by the time you got back to Ear..back home?" Poor Pat can't even talk about different 'planets' here, it's too much to take in.
"Yes."
Pat steadied a slightly shaking hand and swallowed, more forceful in her attempt to remain calm and neutral. "Well, there was no notification of death outside of the mountain, and the mission is sealed, so that one doesn't need to be mentioned in your scrubbed file. Let's move on."
"Sure." Daniel watched her reactions, but remained calm. In fact, he was slightly bemused at this entire situation.This is before I realized bemused wasn't a variation of "amused". Bad English writer! Also slight pov issue. I could just see him now that he's resigned to the ordeal, having fun with it.
She perused the file some more, deciding to skip past the multiple injuries listed to focus on the deaths. Because Daniel would still be in this audit if we catalogued those. "Here's another discrepancy from over seven years ago. You were listed as deceased, next of kin notified and memorial service with military honors given."
She blinked at reading that. Not many civilians ranked a military memorial service, but Dr. Jackson was part of a front-line field unit. Sniffle! Daniel's only memorial service, and he wasn't even dead! It was a bit strange to have a military service, but this was my fanwank for him being "killed in the line of duty" (not sure if it's militarily accurate).
He shifted a little in his seat, uncomfortable. "I thought they didn't have a service for me when...though wait, I'm thinking of something later. I'm confused. You said a discrepancy? Why?" Poor Daniel is thinking of when he really died, er went glowy. He too didn't count when he wasn't really dead.
"Because the file designation changed shortly afterwards from 'killed' to 'captured'. What was odd, is that it doesn't simply say 'presumed dead', but lists a presumed cause of death as trauma due to third degree burns and smoke inhalation." I'm not sure a cause of death would really be written on a form like this, but wrote this not just to clue Daniel into which mission she was referring to, but also to compare it to his recent adventures at the hands of the Ori in Avalon/Origin. That's Daniel's "haunted look" below.
Daniel paled even further for a moment, his eyes taking on a haunted look before he blinked in recognition, and chuckled. "Oh, Nem."
"Them?" Silly alien names.
"No, Nem. That was all a misunderstanding. He planted false memories in my team's head, so they thought they'd witnessed my death. But I was fine, well, not fine, but...anyway, we worked things out, and I returned home."
"Oh. Well, there is report that a payout was made by the insurance company, and the Air Force did close out your file."
Daniel rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. After dealing with the Abydos mess, it was like deja vu trying to get myself declared alive again." His eyes twinkled. "Are you sure you're dealing with this okay?"
Pat swallowed. "Dr. Jackson, I am a professional. I won't deny that these circumstances are a bit unusual, but this is my job, and I'm here to help you."
His mouth still quirked in a smile. "You're the auditor. Just let me know if you want to stop. I know it can be a little overwhelming. I've learned to have a bit of a sense of humor about it."
She smiled back in sympathy. "I guess that's healthy." She grimaced at her choice of words.
Daniel took pity on her and tried to be encouraging. "Fire away, ma'am." I loved writing their banter.
Straightening her shoulders, she plunged ahead. She skimmed past some other injury reports. She mentioned another "missing" report, complete with a shoulder wound when he was finally found, but only received a shrug and nod in response. She found another notation that gave her concern. That was obviously TBFTGOG. We're not even out of season ONE yet!
"Well, you were declared AWOL at one point, but it looks like that file's been altered as well...oh, with a civilian commendation for service." Because in my fanon, Daniel and Teal'c totally got some kind of note in their files too. Take that, Kinsey! I'm considering writing a story about this actually-for fabrisse, ironically. It's one of the WIP list.
Daniel averted his gaze, muttering, "the Apophis attack."
"Well, since you weren't mortally wounded there, we can just move on to..."
"Actually..."
Pat turned back to the scientist, eyebrows raised. He shook his head.
"You know what, on second thought, never mind. Skip ahead..." That is my favorite Daniel "death", and if he had to get in the sarc to live (and was left by Jack), I think it totally counts. Daniel automatically wanted to explain, but I think even he is realizing there's such a thing as TMI here. The above was another dialogue snippet I had in my head from the get-go
Giving him a dubious look, she continued. "There's a notation in your file about severe, possibly fatal injuries in a rockslide, and an addiction to an alien substance."
"Ah, that would be the technology I talked about earlier. Recovered from the rockslide, obviously."
"Well, addictions can be considered a high risk behavior I may need to disclose." These silly insurance requirements.
"But you can't disclose this type of addiction, and I'm fine." I have a feeling Daniel's a bit sensitive about the whole sarcophagus thing, even this many years later.
"There's no danger of relapse?"
"I haven't yet. And I'm aware of the dangers now, so exposure..."
"But I recall there's a later listing of a suicide attempt and..."
Daniel's expression hardened. "That was a odd circumstance involving a completely different alien substance. We were able to sort it out in time and my team recovered." His voice became lower, "wish it had happened before there were other casualties." Yay for Daniel, but the poor redshirt team that was on the planet with him. I wanted a bit of a nod to them. That's why I added a bit with Pat Jennings below too-made her a bit more human, rather than the bureaucrat. It was also when I realized this story was definitely not veering fully into crack.
Pat nodded in sympathy. It was hard on the front line people, military or civilian. She'd lost her brother to combat. Still, she needed answers for her file. Daniel Jackson was here and she was going to get a thorough accounting. "But you were in full arrest when you left the SGC during that mission."
Daniel sighed in frustration. "Oh for...I started breathing as soon as I returned to the planet. Jack said he didn't even have to do CPR. Which I know pleased him immensely." Daniel suppressed a smile. Silly nonCPR canon to fanwank.
"I see." She started backtracking in her perusal of the file, since she had inadvertently gotten out of order. She noted a brief period he was committed to the Academy Mental Ward, with an asterisk indicating it was a mis-diagnosis, cross-referencing reports by both Dr. Fraiser and Dr. MacKensie. Pat decided it may be best to let sleeping dogs lie. I've always felt MacKenzie got a bit of a bum rap. This was my nod to his realizing he screwed up. "Well, what they don't know won't hurt them, or you."
Daniel tried half-heartedly to joke again. "Is this a different version of don't ask, don't tell?" I've never been sure if the joke worked, but I figure it was awkward circumstances, so kind of...real?
Pat shrugged, suppressing a chuckle at the analogy. She knew he was trying to keep the tone light, and at the moment, she appreciated the sentiment, but she still felt obliged to explain.
"I guess you could call it that. It's just the balancing act of my job keeping the country's secrets secret while helping the government's civilian employees deal with day to day living. Umm, let's move on." I don't like that long exposition sentence in this sentence, but hee, to moving on.
Daniel sighed and pushed his finger and thumb against the bridge of his nose. "I think that would probably be a good idea now."
"Like I said, I'm mainly focused on the high risk, fatal incidents flagged in your file index. For example, there's another circumstance where your heart stopped. The medical diagnosis was...old age?"
Daniel's eyes widened. "They counted that as MY medical condition? I mean, I'm glad I convinced them it was me, but that wasn't even my body! That was Machello's. The only thing that happened to my body was I seemed to have gained a couple pounds...and a large credit card bill. Well, I know technically it was me, but it wasn't me..." I can hear Daniel's insulted tone, complete with eyebrow raise, that they counted his heart failure in Machello's body as a death.
His voice trailed off as he watched Patricia Jennings eyes grow wider than he thought would be possible for a person. Her glasses were tipping down her nose at the change in expression.
"I don't think they filled out a death certificate or anything for me, so maybe you could just bypass that one too?"
Pat gulped. "Okay." She scrolled through a list of various injuries, some looked quite serious from the brief descriptions, there were also some more MIA notations, but she but again decided to bypass any further questions and moved directly to a major red flag on the file. Hopefully it would be another coding issue. "Well, there's a lot of injures listed here, but the next major question I have is that a little over three years ago you were declared dead again and there was another payout. Looks like we have another Abydos issue here." She turned to him with a forced smile, only to note this time, he was not sharing the humor. No question that this one is Kelowna. I wanted to emphasize the shift in Daniel's tone by showing Pat's obliviousness to it, and gradually catching on to the reason for his reticence.
"Do you remember the incident?"
"Yes." Daniel's voice was quiet.
Pat kept looking between the file and her visitor. "This wasn't like the Abydos notation, or the misunderstanding like Nem?"
"No."
"Not missing? or mistake?"
"No."
"You were declared dead for a year..."
"Yes. Well, no. Well, not exactly."
"Not exactly?"
The previously verbose scientist remained silent. Suddenly studying a small trinket on her desk with inordinate interest, he started rubbing one of his wrists in a self-conscious gesture. I have to say, a recent moment on SGA totally made me squee in a "my fanfic is prewritten canonically correct". Because I've always been fond of writing this little detail of Daniel's remembering the pain he went through in "Meridian".
Huffing in frustration, Pat opened a screen on the desktop to read a more thorough report. "Oh. Radiation sickness?"
She barely registered Daniel's slight nod. She looked at him again.
The skin visible to her was flawless. Was he scarred beneath the BDUs? Oh Pat, you're still not catching on. "I don't understand. This is listed as occurring here at the mountain. Did you recover using that alien technology again?"
Daniel shook his head in the negative. "Isn't it enough that I'm back now?" He so does not like talking about this.
Scowling, she looked back at her report. "Not for that length of time, Dr. Jackson. You `weren't exactly' dead for a year?" she muttered than dropped her jaw in shock. "It says here that upon your death, your body disappeared, and you turned into a glowing light energy form." I actually looked up Bregman's quoting the report in "Heroes" to make sure I got this right.
Daniel winced. Her description seemed to snap him out of his depression. "I prefer the expression `ascended to a higher plane of existence'." poor pissy Daniel.
Pat looked at him with wide eyes, as if she were seeing a ghost. "I'm sure you do." She commented with a very dry mouth. Clearing her throat and shakily taking a sip of water, the personnel executive continued doggedly. "You died, turned into a light, but you got better...?"
My first ever attempt at fanfic actually had a character telling this to Daniel with the response below. I dropped the original character (who was nothing like Pat Jennings), and still have yet to finish rewriting the story into a "publishable" form, but I couldn't let this dialogue/scene go. I was pleased that Insurance SNAFU finally gave me a chance to use it. A reader's fb made me realize I was likely unconsciously influenced by Monty Python's Holy Grail. Oh well, I still love the line, even if it was an inadvertent homage.
Daniel spoke quickly. "Yes. Well, `better' is a relative term. Technically, I guess I got demoted back to this realm of existence, but essentially, yep. But, alive and healthy again."
He watched her pale face and began speaking slower. "I'm fine now, really." He tapped himself on the arm for emphasis.
"Uh-huh." Pat clicked her tongue, and reached for her water bottle again. Daniel watched her movements worriedly.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Me? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure," she responded weakly.
"Look, I know you said you're cleared for this, but it is a lot to take in."
Pat began laughing, which took a bit of hysterical note before she clamped down on it. This only made her unable to breathe. The next thing she knew, Daniel had moved to her side of the desk and was holding her head down, urging her to breathe deeply. When she finally got herself back under control, her face was flushed with embarrassment. This bit grew as I was trying to figure out Pat's reactions. And I figured Daniel's instinct would be to help, and maybe call Janet to help, since she's a doctor and would have clearance.
Meanwhile, Daniel had started to dial her phone, watching her with a worried expression.
"I'm fine. I'm fine." She forced her voice to remain calm.
Daniel's hand paused at her telephone's receiver. "You're sure?"
Patricia nodded. She was a GS-13 executive, five months from retirement, in charge of all personnel matters in the secret facilities of Cheyenne Mountain, the SGC, NORAD, the...she needed to pull herself together and become professional. Pat ended up spunky. I hadn't planned it when starting to write her, but there you go. This is my favorite moment of hers.
"To be honest, Dr. Jackson, I was presuming clerical error when I first read your file. That many times...no one could have..." Staring at the scientist, who had moved back to his seat, she couldn't juxtapose the file with the living, breathing man in front of her. She couldn't bear to finish the sentence.
Daniel sighed, supplying the word. "...died?"
"Er..."
"That's okay. Like I said, I'm used to it. Believe me, it's a joke downstairs. 'Nine lives Jackson,' 'Rebound kid,' 'Weeble-wobble archeologist.' I've heard them all." I'll not so humbly admit I'm quite proud of weeble-wobble archeologist. I had them as a kid (the pirate ship! Arr!). I'm not sure if I'm the first or only person who came up with that particular nickname...I have seen "Weeble gene" used since. "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't be. Gallows humor you know? Whistling past the graveyard. Col. Ferretti claims I must be a lucky charm." For some reason, I am obsessed with gratuitous Ferretti references. Poor guy, never seen since end of Season one.
Pat struggled to maintain her professional decorum. She still felt a bit on the verge of hysterics. "Of course. Perhaps if we just finished the audit."
Daniel nodded for her to continue, so she did. "Okay, so that was a legitimate payout. It'll be noted in the file." Yeah, how was she going to explain a scrubbed version of THIS to the insurance company? A migraine was forming.
"A year later you...er...returned..." She paused to see if that euphemism was acceptable before continuing to scan his file. She blinked a couple more times as she ran across further injuries. Surprisingly, even though he was injured a few times, post-ascension Daniel didn't go through too many near-death experiences. Even with Rafael-it was only a flesh wound. ;-) I also love Pat watching how she refers to ascension-- Daniel's a bit prickly about it, and she's still kinda freaked.
"Oh...oh my."
Daniel grimaced, all too aware of what was in the report. "I'm fine."
"If you say so...", she clucked doubtfully. Then she blinked, puzzled again. "There's an odd quirk in one of General O'Neill's final reports."
He smirked, "An odd quirk? You mean in general or just for Jack?" I couldn't resist the Jack-snark. It's force of habit for Daniel. Pat obviously wouldn't take comments about a two star general so lightly. Plus, Daniel will sober when he realizes she's referring to the Reckoning mission. He squelched his amusement at her pale face. "Sorry, you'd have to know him. I'll have to know what you're referring to more specifically, unfortunately."
"Of course. Ummm...SG-1 were technical advisors on a ha-a hat, a haddock..." she struggled with the pronunciation. I, for some reason, love her calling a Goa'uld pyramid a "fish".
Daniel's mouth moved into a small "oh" before correcting, "a ha'tak. You know, you're still a little pale, maybe we could conclude this later." He so sees where this is going, and she didn't react to his glowyness well, before.
He stood up to leave.
"Stop!" The older woman's commanding tone halted the scientist before he took two steps. "It took me seven e-mails including three to a two star general to get you in this office this time, I'm finishing this now. Sit down!" your choice if she means O'Neill or Landry here. The scolding was something that came across naturally while writing.
She saw him blink in surprise and softened her tone, still keeping her lips tightened in determination. "Please, Doctor...Daniel. I'm not sure I can deal with this file again. I'll be fine." Pat's a rip the band-aid off kinda gal.
Daniel returned to his seat, his one eyebrow still cocked in a questioning manner.
"So, SG-1 returned with you listed as captured, but there's no further mention until an infirmary report giving a physical proclaiming you to be in perfect health." He squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. Again, he didn't supply the details, so she was forced to explain further. "Usually, there's some notation about the mission, the contact with an...alien. Here, you just appeared."
"Mm-hmm." Daniel blushed. Death, he's blase. Waking up naked in Jack's office still gets to him.
"Can you elaborate?"
"Do I have to?"
"Dr. Jackson, until this file is cleared up, it will continue to raise red flags back at the Pentagon and other government audits. You and I both know I need to fix this so no undue attention is drawn to the SGC."
"Yes, ma'am." He looked down in an expression that again reminded her of her son James. There's nothing really missing from the files. That's what happened. I was captured by...hostile forces. Jack refused to declare me MIA. Then I appeared in his office." Daniel is being unusually succinct. Really doesn't like talking about this, plus he doesn't want to deal with someone fainting on him.
"You appeared?"
"Yes."
"Out of nowhere?"
"Essentially."
"Uninjured?"
"Looked that way. It's not like I could hide any injuries at the time." Daniel flushed again well, he did have a flag, then spoke quickly. "Actually the how and what really isn't pertinent to your files. Essentially, well...I mean, I guess technically it happened again."
"What happened again?"
He tried to gauge her reaction. "What we're here about. I did it again."
"You DIED again?"
Daniel couldn't quite meet her incredulous stare. "Ummm. Yes?"
"But then how did you...do I really want to know this?"
"You tell me. You're the one asking for details."
"Yes, but I'm assuming this wasn't that technology. Did you turn into, I mean, 'ascend' again?"
His eyes took on a more thoughtful, distant expression. "Actually, I'm not sure. That part's a little hazy." I have my own theory on what happened in Threads, but the canon itself is a bit open to interpretation. Since I wasn't sure if/how canon would treat the event in the future, I kept it hazy at this point, and figured some of Daniel's memories of the diner would be a little dreamlike.
Pat brightened. "Oh, well, maybe since you don't remember, you were just missing after all."
"Oh no, I died. Definitely remember that part. Sword through the left lung. Quite painful." It didn't look like Replicarter struck his heart to me, but I could be wrong. Poor Daniel. I thought it would be natural for him to do an academic compartmentalization of the events until he remembered how freaked out the CPO lady is.
Daniel stopped as the woman started turning green. "Oh gah..., I'm so sorry. I should've been more...well, I mean, I'm not used to having such candid conversations about all this."
"No, my fault. I brought it up." She emptied her water bottle with two large gulps, wishing, not for the first time since this meeting started, that it contained something stronger, like brandy. "I should be asking you if you're okay. After all, it was your life. I really don't mean to be so..." She was at a loss for words.
Daniel decided the best course of action was just to continue. "Anyway, I'm back now and I'm fine."
He stressed the word fine, even though the dark circles remained under his eyes. Somehow Pat guessed he had been using that argument a lot with infirmary staff downstairs. Yep, just as stubborn as James. Her glance shifted to her son's family, pictured by her computer monitor. Daniel followed her gaze.
"Your son?"
"Yes." She brightened. "And his wife Laura with Zach, age 7 and Elizabeth age 4."
"Lovely grandchildren."
"Thank you." She smiled shyly. Normally she would dote, but it seemed a bit odd to do here, with this man who reminded of her of her son, but whose life was so different. Just the juxtaposition of the surreal, and the mundane.
"Is there any more?"
She continued to scroll the file, clearing her throat. "Umm, not that I can see. You know, based on this audit, I'm wondering if you should be part of the self-insurance program."
"What's that?"
"Your premium paycheck deduction would remain the same, but it's a special Pentagon account for certain high-risk positions. No insurance company or outsider attention. Not very many qualify for this special treatment, but I'm thinking you do. I'll approach Major Davis about it."Why this wasn't thought of before for the SGC members? Because I wouldn't have a fic otherwise. She still had to do the audit.
"Oh, okay." He stood up with a questioning look. "So I can leave now?"
"I think so, barring anything in your most recent update."
"Recent update?"
"Well, you said you were just released from the infirmary. But obviously you're up and around, so you couldn't..." Her voice faltered. "I mean, you didn't..."
He just looked at her, not daring to respond. Well, does almost burning to death when your consciousness is in another man's body count? She did count Machello...
Patricia Jennings was not used to being tongue tied. "Didn't...Dr. Jackson, you couldn't have. I mean, the odds..."
Daniel was moving quickly to the door. "Well, to be fair, I think I only coded once. They didn't even use the defibrillator, This dvd commentary is paused while the author thinks back to that Carolyn and shirtless Daniel scene in "Origin." Mmmm. Sorry, back now. and I wasn't `declared dead.' Yep, I think that's everything. Nice to meet you, Ms. Jennings. I'd really better be going now."
With a final look to make sure she was still breathing through her open mouthed guppy imitation, Daniel fled her office. Pat just watched him go, the modern day Lazarus that reminded her of her son. This was always intended to be the end of the fic, and sometimes I wish I had ended it here. Daniel left the bewildered bureaucrat in his/her office and went on his way (likely to be calling Jack and giving him a piece of his mind).
However, by this point, Pat had become a fully fledged character in her own right, and I couldn't resist following up with what would happen to her and what she would do with her reaction to this brush with the crazy world of the SGC. Besides, I thought she deserved a decent drink after this afternoon. Of course, it's up to y'all on whether I made the right decision or not in adding the last few paragraphs.
Picking up the phone, she dialed a number. "Hello, James? It's Mom. How are you?....Oh, fine fine....No, nothing's wrong....No, Dad's fine too. He's in Chicago for the week.....What?...Why am I calling? I just wanted to say hello. Maybe you and Laura can come over with the kids this weekend....Yes, that would be wonderful....James, stop worrying. Everything's fine....someone...something just happened here at work that made me think of you, that's all...Really. I'll see you on Sunday."
She hung up the phone and turned back to her paperwork. Sighing, she made corrections on this very strange report. Finishing the subject, she printed it and sealed it in the classified pouch with directions of Eyes Only for Major Paul Davis. She had been puzzled with his "Good luck." sticky note on top of the file. Actually, that had partially created her opinion that Dr. Jackson was a pain in the neck. Now she understood what Major Davis really meant. Can't you just picture Davis's reaction that someone was going to have to audit Daniel's file? I can see him having that sympathetic/warped sense of humor. He's been in his job too long.
She glanced at the clock. She only had a bit longer at work before it would be time to go. Her husband John was out of town on business until tomorrow. Sometimes she worked late when she was alone in the house, but today, she wasn't in the mood. Just going to the grocery store and home didn't seem right either. Without hesitation, she dialed an extension to another section of the base.
"Hello, Judith? It's Pat. You know that Happy Hour deal you mentioned at O'Malley's? I'll meet you there in an hour. After the afternoon I've had, I definitely could use a drink. Besides, aren't you always telling me I need to enjoy life more? I think a night out with the girls is exactly what I need."
So there you go. Hope the navel gazing didn't bore you.
The original version can be found here
Title: Insurance SNAFU at the CPO
Pairing: None/Gen
Category: Angst & Humor
Characters: Daniel
Rating: Family Rating
Status: complete
Series: N/A
Spoilers: Takes place after either Origin or Beachhead so anything up to Season 9 (the season 9 spoilers themselves are vague). I was planning on having it be after Vala was gone and Daniel was definitely staying, but in retrospect, it works best after Origin
Warnings: None; though no Daniels were harmed in the writing of this fic, it does contain several references to canon deaths of DanielMy paranoia in early days of how seriously people took death warnings
Summary: Daniel is called to the Civilian Personnel Office (CPO) for an audit when his file raises some red flags. A lighthearted look at the many deaths of Daniel.
Insurance SNAFU at the CPO. This is one of the few titles of mine I'm happy with. It sets the tone of military bureaucracy instantly. The military love their acronyms. For those who don't know. SNAFU is an "unofficial one" that stands for Situation Normal, all F***[ouled] Up. CPO is Civilian Personnel Office, which I'm not sure they're called that anymore.
As I explained in my original author's notes, this fic came about because the message board I was hanging out with started joking around about the many deaths of Daniel, and I made a crack about how he probably couldn't get life insurance now. And then I started thinking about it more, and was in a real writer's block on "Many Roads" at the time, so I decided to play with the idea. I chose only "our timeline/universe" version of Daniel, and moments where he at least was "mostly" dead. It was originally meant to be much crackier, but I started getting invested in the characters, and the final product turned out much more "straight."
Another note, this was originally going to be from Daniel's POV, but I liked the outsider perspective better. Sometimes in the fic, I still slip up and have it as Daniel, or at least more ambiguous.
Patricia Jennings sighed as she went through the large pile of folders on her desk.A coin toss is what decided the bureaucrat would be a Patricia rather than a Patrick. I'm glad of the result. I ended up infusing a bit more personality into her than I originally planned. Sometimes it seemed like her inbox never diminished. It would, of course, help if people returned her calls and e-mails so she could finalize some of the half-finished files scattered through her office.
A soft knock at the door broke her out of her reverie. A tall bespectacled man stood hesitantly on the threshold. He was dressed in military fatigues, but they hung on him in a casual manner. Though not slovenly, her years of experience told her this was a man who never had to pass an inspection while wearing the uniform my crack about Daniel (and SG-1's) inattention to military uniform protocol. He was probably a civilian attached to a military field unit --which meant he was her appointment, twenty minutes late, but considering she had figured he was going to be a no-show like the last three times, his appearance was a shock.I think this sentence is too run-on, but I like the sentiment.
He gave her a charming smile as he spoke. "Ms. Jennings? I'm Daniel Jackson. General Landry told me you wanted to see me. I'm sorry I'm late, but I just got released from the infirmary." He is naturally trying to charm, be friendly, but he also wants to get out of there soon. He's got things to do.
She blinked out of her oblivion and rose to greet him. "I'm sorry, Dr. Jackson. I wasn't informed you were ill." She stuck out her hand, which he grasped in a firm handshake. Close-up, she saw the shadows under his eyes and a pallor to his skin. Poor Daniel. He has it rough. Something about his face reminded her of her eldest son, James. He was just a few years younger if she remembered Dr. Jackson's birthdate correctly. She led him to the one other chair empty of paper and books before returning to her desk.
"I hope it's okay I knocked right on your door. There was no one outside..." Normally, there'd be clerks and checkpoints in a military facility, even for the mundane departments of Cheyenne, such as the administrative offices like Civilian Personnel Office (CPO). I figure everyone else is at lunch. I wanted to get the meat of the story.
"It's fine. To be honest, I just thought you were avoiding me. I know my office is not first priority for the people who work here...unless it's a problem with their paycheck."
Dr. Jackson shared the laugh. "That's okay. And please call me Daniel. I wasn't even aware you were trying to get a hold of me. I haven't been checking my e-mail lately. Been a little tied up." Literally. A subtle shoutout to both Vala's kor'mak bracelets and his time tied to a burning stake as Harrid. His expression changed to something between a smile and a grimace. "General Landry said you needed to speak to me about my file?"
"Yes, sir." Pat adjusted the papers on her desk and explained. "When your transfer to the Daedalus was cancelled, and you were to remain here at Cheyenne Mountain, we had to reprocess your paperwork. A couple of red flags shot up." Can't go to Atlantis now, so the paperwork went on its merry way, whether or not Daniel was in a coma during it.
Daniel's expression had darkened at the comment about the Daedalus, but now he looked puzzled. "Oh, red flags?" He half-joked, worriedly. "Does that mean I won't be getting my paycheck?"
"Oh no. Your payroll direct deposit is fine. This is for the insurance."
"Insurance?", Daniel really looked puzzled now. "I don't understand."
"Well, we processed the usual life insurance paperwork, but it came back as denied. It seems there's already been previous payouts for an individual with your social security number." A natural thought would be why Daniel would bother with life insurance by this point in his, er...lives, but I figured it was probably a standard processing. This time it caused the SNAFU, and a...relatively speaking, plausible audit.
Daniel's puzzled expression cleared. "Oh."
Pat was a bit surprised. "With the dangers of identity theft and insurance fraud, I've had to audit your file to answer the insurance company's questions."
"Oh. My file." He cleared his throat. "Audit my whole file." Daniel so doesn't want to deal with this today.
"Yes, Dr. Jackson. That's why you're seeing me and not one of my subordinates. I'm the only one in the Civilian Personnel Office with the necessary clearance to review the SGC's classified files."
Pat Jennings smiled. She expected someone in his position to be more arrogant. Seeing the polite, even friendly, civilian was a welcome change, plus her mothering instinct was beginning to kick into gear now that she realized he was recovering from some sort of injury or illness. I mentioned James to give a contrast of Pat seeing Daniel as a person, not just paperwork conflicting with the fact he's been a pain in the ass to get there, figuring he was just blowing her off. She quickly squelched that instinct. She needed to be professional, or else she wouldn't get through the report.
She was also a little unnerved that he didn't seem shocked there had been multiple payouts on him. No one was above suspicion for fraud, but someone in his position would have gone through multiple, recurring clearance checks. This came out naturally while writing. It's pretty logical there would be an audit, and Daniel's blase attitude would likely freak someone out. As the harried, overworked GS-13 that she was, she probably didn't read his file closely before he arrived, either. Why go through it twice? Surely, there must be some logical explanation. Clamping down on her sympathy, she adopted the posture of a no-nonsense bureaucrat.
"Well, let's start chronologically. Now it seems that you were listed as dead by the United States military for one year just before the start of the SGC program."
"That sounds right." Daniel nodded.
She looked up at him over her glasses. "You were dead for a year?"
"Well, no, not then. But everyone here thought I was, or almost everyone...are you sure you have access to my file?"
"Yes, Doct- Daniel. I have the proper clearance." She pulled a folder out from her pile and handed it to him. "Here is my authorization, sent by the Pentagon with your complete and unedited file."
Daniel perused the contents of the top page quickly. He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows at the signatures. "Cosigned by Jack and President Hayes? Why isn't Major Davis handling this? I mean, no offense, but he's the Pentagon liaison." Daniel (and we) are so used to Davis handling all the Pentagon stuff, I figured a nod to his being out of the loop on this paperwork track would work. Also, I have a feeling Jack took perverse pleasure in getting Henry to sign this during a meeting just to make Daniel squirm more-and possibly to force Daniel to take it more seriously.
Looking slightly nonplussed at his familiarity with the Head of Homeworld Security because stupid PTB never explain Jack's position, I did, heh, Pat nodded. "The Pentagon liaison office tried to handle things, but military personnel and civilian personnel are two different tracks. You've been working here long enough to know the hoops. I field questions that the gaps in your unclassified record can't cover, and Major Davis couldn't predict future questions that may arise because he didn't know all the outside contractors issues nor our policies and procedures. Thus, I'm auditing your file, with both his, and your, cooperation, of course."
"Of course." Daniel resisted rolling his eyes, but couldn't prevent himself from muttering threats under his breath for the next time he saw Jack. He stopped when he realized the woman across from him was watching wide eyed. "Sorry. I understand. You're just doing your job. I'll try to be as forthcoming as possible, I guess." He gestured to the Presidential directive. Remember how I said I muddied POV at times? I couldn't resist Daniel cursing Jack out here. It was an image I had when I first thought of the fic.
"Please, continue. You were asking about Abydos?"
Still surprised at his muttered monologue, her focus was jerked back to her records. "Yes. Your status was listed as deceased after the initial Stargate mission, then updated shortly before General Hammond ordered the follow-up mission."
"Ah. Well then, yes. Part of the issue was keeping quiet about what happened on Abydos. I remained with my wife, and everyone thought I was dead."
"Okay, so that was that confusion." Pat's expression cleared. Maybe the whole file would be just like this, minor discrepancies. "It's just a coding difference. That can be explained without further question for anyone without clearance. You didn't die during that mission." She began to type.
"Oh, no. I did die." Oh Daniel, you really took that full audit seriously, didn't you? Heh
Pat stopped typing and looked up again. "You what?"
"I did die during the initial Abydos mission. Took a staff weapon blast in the chest."
"You did die." She repeated parrotlike.
"Yes, but there was technology that was able to revive me, heal me. I don't even have a scar."
"Oh, okay." Pat knew weird stuff happened below her in the mountain. She'd read the reports. She'd had to read them...accidents with some of the scientist civilians that she sometimes needed to scrub for unclassified eyes and ears, but she had never spoken to anyone who had been resurrected from death. Just goes to show, when your day job is dealing with weird stuff, you can still be surprised "How long were you `dead'?"
"I'm not quite sure." He frowned in puzzlement. "A few hours, maybe? It certainly wasn't a year though." The movie actually has Sha're healed within minutes, but Daniel's time in the sarcophagus is more loose (as with later sarc appearances). I figure Daniel decided to go with a conservative estimate to explain it to Pat. Plus, hours seemed funnier than minutes. :-)
"A few..."
"Hours, not more than ten. Very likely much less."
"Dead a few hours. Mmm. Okay. Well, maybe that's something the insurance company doesn't need to know about, since you were alive most of the time you were missing. I'll make sure we adjust things so there's no further questions asked there." She tried to smile, but it was a bit harder. She knew this audit was going to be a bit surreal. It always was when she dealt with the SGC files, but this was already turning into one of the most bizarre tales she'd yet come across, and she was just getting started.
She turned back to her screen. "Okay, the next notation in the file lists your team as being KIA but revived within the same mission." She remembered when first reading that it was likely a typo, but now with this intelligent man staring innocently, almost expectantly at her, she was beginning to seriously doubt there were any inaccuracies in the file. I love this section as it's dawning on Pat just how freaky this whole thing is.
"Which mission was that?" Daniel can't even be sure which death she's referencing!
She gave out the designation of the world, and he smiled in recognition. "The Nox. Yes, that would be correct."
"'Killed in Action' would be a correct designation, but you were alive by the time you got back to Ear..back home?" Poor Pat can't even talk about different 'planets' here, it's too much to take in.
"Yes."
Pat steadied a slightly shaking hand and swallowed, more forceful in her attempt to remain calm and neutral. "Well, there was no notification of death outside of the mountain, and the mission is sealed, so that one doesn't need to be mentioned in your scrubbed file. Let's move on."
"Sure." Daniel watched her reactions, but remained calm. In fact, he was slightly bemused at this entire situation.This is before I realized bemused wasn't a variation of "amused". Bad English writer! Also slight pov issue. I could just see him now that he's resigned to the ordeal, having fun with it.
She perused the file some more, deciding to skip past the multiple injuries listed to focus on the deaths. Because Daniel would still be in this audit if we catalogued those. "Here's another discrepancy from over seven years ago. You were listed as deceased, next of kin notified and memorial service with military honors given."
She blinked at reading that. Not many civilians ranked a military memorial service, but Dr. Jackson was part of a front-line field unit. Sniffle! Daniel's only memorial service, and he wasn't even dead! It was a bit strange to have a military service, but this was my fanwank for him being "killed in the line of duty" (not sure if it's militarily accurate).
He shifted a little in his seat, uncomfortable. "I thought they didn't have a service for me when...though wait, I'm thinking of something later. I'm confused. You said a discrepancy? Why?" Poor Daniel is thinking of when he really died, er went glowy. He too didn't count when he wasn't really dead.
"Because the file designation changed shortly afterwards from 'killed' to 'captured'. What was odd, is that it doesn't simply say 'presumed dead', but lists a presumed cause of death as trauma due to third degree burns and smoke inhalation." I'm not sure a cause of death would really be written on a form like this, but wrote this not just to clue Daniel into which mission she was referring to, but also to compare it to his recent adventures at the hands of the Ori in Avalon/Origin. That's Daniel's "haunted look" below.
Daniel paled even further for a moment, his eyes taking on a haunted look before he blinked in recognition, and chuckled. "Oh, Nem."
"Them?" Silly alien names.
"No, Nem. That was all a misunderstanding. He planted false memories in my team's head, so they thought they'd witnessed my death. But I was fine, well, not fine, but...anyway, we worked things out, and I returned home."
"Oh. Well, there is report that a payout was made by the insurance company, and the Air Force did close out your file."
Daniel rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. After dealing with the Abydos mess, it was like deja vu trying to get myself declared alive again." His eyes twinkled. "Are you sure you're dealing with this okay?"
Pat swallowed. "Dr. Jackson, I am a professional. I won't deny that these circumstances are a bit unusual, but this is my job, and I'm here to help you."
His mouth still quirked in a smile. "You're the auditor. Just let me know if you want to stop. I know it can be a little overwhelming. I've learned to have a bit of a sense of humor about it."
She smiled back in sympathy. "I guess that's healthy." She grimaced at her choice of words.
Daniel took pity on her and tried to be encouraging. "Fire away, ma'am." I loved writing their banter.
Straightening her shoulders, she plunged ahead. She skimmed past some other injury reports. She mentioned another "missing" report, complete with a shoulder wound when he was finally found, but only received a shrug and nod in response. She found another notation that gave her concern. That was obviously TBFTGOG. We're not even out of season ONE yet!
"Well, you were declared AWOL at one point, but it looks like that file's been altered as well...oh, with a civilian commendation for service." Because in my fanon, Daniel and Teal'c totally got some kind of note in their files too. Take that, Kinsey! I'm considering writing a story about this actually-for fabrisse, ironically. It's one of the WIP list.
Daniel averted his gaze, muttering, "the Apophis attack."
"Well, since you weren't mortally wounded there, we can just move on to..."
"Actually..."
Pat turned back to the scientist, eyebrows raised. He shook his head.
"You know what, on second thought, never mind. Skip ahead..." That is my favorite Daniel "death", and if he had to get in the sarc to live (and was left by Jack), I think it totally counts. Daniel automatically wanted to explain, but I think even he is realizing there's such a thing as TMI here. The above was another dialogue snippet I had in my head from the get-go
Giving him a dubious look, she continued. "There's a notation in your file about severe, possibly fatal injuries in a rockslide, and an addiction to an alien substance."
"Ah, that would be the technology I talked about earlier. Recovered from the rockslide, obviously."
"Well, addictions can be considered a high risk behavior I may need to disclose." These silly insurance requirements.
"But you can't disclose this type of addiction, and I'm fine." I have a feeling Daniel's a bit sensitive about the whole sarcophagus thing, even this many years later.
"There's no danger of relapse?"
"I haven't yet. And I'm aware of the dangers now, so exposure..."
"But I recall there's a later listing of a suicide attempt and..."
Daniel's expression hardened. "That was a odd circumstance involving a completely different alien substance. We were able to sort it out in time and my team recovered." His voice became lower, "wish it had happened before there were other casualties." Yay for Daniel, but the poor redshirt team that was on the planet with him. I wanted a bit of a nod to them. That's why I added a bit with Pat Jennings below too-made her a bit more human, rather than the bureaucrat. It was also when I realized this story was definitely not veering fully into crack.
Pat nodded in sympathy. It was hard on the front line people, military or civilian. She'd lost her brother to combat. Still, she needed answers for her file. Daniel Jackson was here and she was going to get a thorough accounting. "But you were in full arrest when you left the SGC during that mission."
Daniel sighed in frustration. "Oh for...I started breathing as soon as I returned to the planet. Jack said he didn't even have to do CPR. Which I know pleased him immensely." Daniel suppressed a smile. Silly nonCPR canon to fanwank.
"I see." She started backtracking in her perusal of the file, since she had inadvertently gotten out of order. She noted a brief period he was committed to the Academy Mental Ward, with an asterisk indicating it was a mis-diagnosis, cross-referencing reports by both Dr. Fraiser and Dr. MacKensie. Pat decided it may be best to let sleeping dogs lie. I've always felt MacKenzie got a bit of a bum rap. This was my nod to his realizing he screwed up. "Well, what they don't know won't hurt them, or you."
Daniel tried half-heartedly to joke again. "Is this a different version of don't ask, don't tell?" I've never been sure if the joke worked, but I figure it was awkward circumstances, so kind of...real?
Pat shrugged, suppressing a chuckle at the analogy. She knew he was trying to keep the tone light, and at the moment, she appreciated the sentiment, but she still felt obliged to explain.
"I guess you could call it that. It's just the balancing act of my job keeping the country's secrets secret while helping the government's civilian employees deal with day to day living. Umm, let's move on." I don't like that long exposition sentence in this sentence, but hee, to moving on.
Daniel sighed and pushed his finger and thumb against the bridge of his nose. "I think that would probably be a good idea now."
"Like I said, I'm mainly focused on the high risk, fatal incidents flagged in your file index. For example, there's another circumstance where your heart stopped. The medical diagnosis was...old age?"
Daniel's eyes widened. "They counted that as MY medical condition? I mean, I'm glad I convinced them it was me, but that wasn't even my body! That was Machello's. The only thing that happened to my body was I seemed to have gained a couple pounds...and a large credit card bill. Well, I know technically it was me, but it wasn't me..." I can hear Daniel's insulted tone, complete with eyebrow raise, that they counted his heart failure in Machello's body as a death.
His voice trailed off as he watched Patricia Jennings eyes grow wider than he thought would be possible for a person. Her glasses were tipping down her nose at the change in expression.
"I don't think they filled out a death certificate or anything for me, so maybe you could just bypass that one too?"
Pat gulped. "Okay." She scrolled through a list of various injuries, some looked quite serious from the brief descriptions, there were also some more MIA notations, but she but again decided to bypass any further questions and moved directly to a major red flag on the file. Hopefully it would be another coding issue. "Well, there's a lot of injures listed here, but the next major question I have is that a little over three years ago you were declared dead again and there was another payout. Looks like we have another Abydos issue here." She turned to him with a forced smile, only to note this time, he was not sharing the humor. No question that this one is Kelowna. I wanted to emphasize the shift in Daniel's tone by showing Pat's obliviousness to it, and gradually catching on to the reason for his reticence.
"Do you remember the incident?"
"Yes." Daniel's voice was quiet.
Pat kept looking between the file and her visitor. "This wasn't like the Abydos notation, or the misunderstanding like Nem?"
"No."
"Not missing? or mistake?"
"No."
"You were declared dead for a year..."
"Yes. Well, no. Well, not exactly."
"Not exactly?"
The previously verbose scientist remained silent. Suddenly studying a small trinket on her desk with inordinate interest, he started rubbing one of his wrists in a self-conscious gesture. I have to say, a recent moment on SGA totally made me squee in a "my fanfic is prewritten canonically correct". Because I've always been fond of writing this little detail of Daniel's remembering the pain he went through in "Meridian".
Huffing in frustration, Pat opened a screen on the desktop to read a more thorough report. "Oh. Radiation sickness?"
She barely registered Daniel's slight nod. She looked at him again.
The skin visible to her was flawless. Was he scarred beneath the BDUs? Oh Pat, you're still not catching on. "I don't understand. This is listed as occurring here at the mountain. Did you recover using that alien technology again?"
Daniel shook his head in the negative. "Isn't it enough that I'm back now?" He so does not like talking about this.
Scowling, she looked back at her report. "Not for that length of time, Dr. Jackson. You `weren't exactly' dead for a year?" she muttered than dropped her jaw in shock. "It says here that upon your death, your body disappeared, and you turned into a glowing light energy form." I actually looked up Bregman's quoting the report in "Heroes" to make sure I got this right.
Daniel winced. Her description seemed to snap him out of his depression. "I prefer the expression `ascended to a higher plane of existence'." poor pissy Daniel.
Pat looked at him with wide eyes, as if she were seeing a ghost. "I'm sure you do." She commented with a very dry mouth. Clearing her throat and shakily taking a sip of water, the personnel executive continued doggedly. "You died, turned into a light, but you got better...?"
My first ever attempt at fanfic actually had a character telling this to Daniel with the response below. I dropped the original character (who was nothing like Pat Jennings), and still have yet to finish rewriting the story into a "publishable" form, but I couldn't let this dialogue/scene go. I was pleased that Insurance SNAFU finally gave me a chance to use it. A reader's fb made me realize I was likely unconsciously influenced by Monty Python's Holy Grail. Oh well, I still love the line, even if it was an inadvertent homage.
Daniel spoke quickly. "Yes. Well, `better' is a relative term. Technically, I guess I got demoted back to this realm of existence, but essentially, yep. But, alive and healthy again."
He watched her pale face and began speaking slower. "I'm fine now, really." He tapped himself on the arm for emphasis.
"Uh-huh." Pat clicked her tongue, and reached for her water bottle again. Daniel watched her movements worriedly.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Me? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure," she responded weakly.
"Look, I know you said you're cleared for this, but it is a lot to take in."
Pat began laughing, which took a bit of hysterical note before she clamped down on it. This only made her unable to breathe. The next thing she knew, Daniel had moved to her side of the desk and was holding her head down, urging her to breathe deeply. When she finally got herself back under control, her face was flushed with embarrassment. This bit grew as I was trying to figure out Pat's reactions. And I figured Daniel's instinct would be to help, and maybe call Janet to help, since she's a doctor and would have clearance.
Meanwhile, Daniel had started to dial her phone, watching her with a worried expression.
"I'm fine. I'm fine." She forced her voice to remain calm.
Daniel's hand paused at her telephone's receiver. "You're sure?"
Patricia nodded. She was a GS-13 executive, five months from retirement, in charge of all personnel matters in the secret facilities of Cheyenne Mountain, the SGC, NORAD, the...she needed to pull herself together and become professional. Pat ended up spunky. I hadn't planned it when starting to write her, but there you go. This is my favorite moment of hers.
"To be honest, Dr. Jackson, I was presuming clerical error when I first read your file. That many times...no one could have..." Staring at the scientist, who had moved back to his seat, she couldn't juxtapose the file with the living, breathing man in front of her. She couldn't bear to finish the sentence.
Daniel sighed, supplying the word. "...died?"
"Er..."
"That's okay. Like I said, I'm used to it. Believe me, it's a joke downstairs. 'Nine lives Jackson,' 'Rebound kid,' 'Weeble-wobble archeologist.' I've heard them all." I'll not so humbly admit I'm quite proud of weeble-wobble archeologist. I had them as a kid (the pirate ship! Arr!). I'm not sure if I'm the first or only person who came up with that particular nickname...I have seen "Weeble gene" used since. "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't be. Gallows humor you know? Whistling past the graveyard. Col. Ferretti claims I must be a lucky charm." For some reason, I am obsessed with gratuitous Ferretti references. Poor guy, never seen since end of Season one.
Pat struggled to maintain her professional decorum. She still felt a bit on the verge of hysterics. "Of course. Perhaps if we just finished the audit."
Daniel nodded for her to continue, so she did. "Okay, so that was a legitimate payout. It'll be noted in the file." Yeah, how was she going to explain a scrubbed version of THIS to the insurance company? A migraine was forming.
"A year later you...er...returned..." She paused to see if that euphemism was acceptable before continuing to scan his file. She blinked a couple more times as she ran across further injuries. Surprisingly, even though he was injured a few times, post-ascension Daniel didn't go through too many near-death experiences. Even with Rafael-it was only a flesh wound. ;-) I also love Pat watching how she refers to ascension-- Daniel's a bit prickly about it, and she's still kinda freaked.
"Oh...oh my."
Daniel grimaced, all too aware of what was in the report. "I'm fine."
"If you say so...", she clucked doubtfully. Then she blinked, puzzled again. "There's an odd quirk in one of General O'Neill's final reports."
He smirked, "An odd quirk? You mean in general or just for Jack?" I couldn't resist the Jack-snark. It's force of habit for Daniel. Pat obviously wouldn't take comments about a two star general so lightly. Plus, Daniel will sober when he realizes she's referring to the Reckoning mission. He squelched his amusement at her pale face. "Sorry, you'd have to know him. I'll have to know what you're referring to more specifically, unfortunately."
"Of course. Ummm...SG-1 were technical advisors on a ha-a hat, a haddock..." she struggled with the pronunciation. I, for some reason, love her calling a Goa'uld pyramid a "fish".
Daniel's mouth moved into a small "oh" before correcting, "a ha'tak. You know, you're still a little pale, maybe we could conclude this later." He so sees where this is going, and she didn't react to his glowyness well, before.
He stood up to leave.
"Stop!" The older woman's commanding tone halted the scientist before he took two steps. "It took me seven e-mails including three to a two star general to get you in this office this time, I'm finishing this now. Sit down!" your choice if she means O'Neill or Landry here. The scolding was something that came across naturally while writing.
She saw him blink in surprise and softened her tone, still keeping her lips tightened in determination. "Please, Doctor...Daniel. I'm not sure I can deal with this file again. I'll be fine." Pat's a rip the band-aid off kinda gal.
Daniel returned to his seat, his one eyebrow still cocked in a questioning manner.
"So, SG-1 returned with you listed as captured, but there's no further mention until an infirmary report giving a physical proclaiming you to be in perfect health." He squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. Again, he didn't supply the details, so she was forced to explain further. "Usually, there's some notation about the mission, the contact with an...alien. Here, you just appeared."
"Mm-hmm." Daniel blushed. Death, he's blase. Waking up naked in Jack's office still gets to him.
"Can you elaborate?"
"Do I have to?"
"Dr. Jackson, until this file is cleared up, it will continue to raise red flags back at the Pentagon and other government audits. You and I both know I need to fix this so no undue attention is drawn to the SGC."
"Yes, ma'am." He looked down in an expression that again reminded her of her son James. There's nothing really missing from the files. That's what happened. I was captured by...hostile forces. Jack refused to declare me MIA. Then I appeared in his office." Daniel is being unusually succinct. Really doesn't like talking about this, plus he doesn't want to deal with someone fainting on him.
"You appeared?"
"Yes."
"Out of nowhere?"
"Essentially."
"Uninjured?"
"Looked that way. It's not like I could hide any injuries at the time." Daniel flushed again well, he did have a flag, then spoke quickly. "Actually the how and what really isn't pertinent to your files. Essentially, well...I mean, I guess technically it happened again."
"What happened again?"
He tried to gauge her reaction. "What we're here about. I did it again."
"You DIED again?"
Daniel couldn't quite meet her incredulous stare. "Ummm. Yes?"
"But then how did you...do I really want to know this?"
"You tell me. You're the one asking for details."
"Yes, but I'm assuming this wasn't that technology. Did you turn into, I mean, 'ascend' again?"
His eyes took on a more thoughtful, distant expression. "Actually, I'm not sure. That part's a little hazy." I have my own theory on what happened in Threads, but the canon itself is a bit open to interpretation. Since I wasn't sure if/how canon would treat the event in the future, I kept it hazy at this point, and figured some of Daniel's memories of the diner would be a little dreamlike.
Pat brightened. "Oh, well, maybe since you don't remember, you were just missing after all."
"Oh no, I died. Definitely remember that part. Sword through the left lung. Quite painful." It didn't look like Replicarter struck his heart to me, but I could be wrong. Poor Daniel. I thought it would be natural for him to do an academic compartmentalization of the events until he remembered how freaked out the CPO lady is.
Daniel stopped as the woman started turning green. "Oh gah..., I'm so sorry. I should've been more...well, I mean, I'm not used to having such candid conversations about all this."
"No, my fault. I brought it up." She emptied her water bottle with two large gulps, wishing, not for the first time since this meeting started, that it contained something stronger, like brandy. "I should be asking you if you're okay. After all, it was your life. I really don't mean to be so..." She was at a loss for words.
Daniel decided the best course of action was just to continue. "Anyway, I'm back now and I'm fine."
He stressed the word fine, even though the dark circles remained under his eyes. Somehow Pat guessed he had been using that argument a lot with infirmary staff downstairs. Yep, just as stubborn as James. Her glance shifted to her son's family, pictured by her computer monitor. Daniel followed her gaze.
"Your son?"
"Yes." She brightened. "And his wife Laura with Zach, age 7 and Elizabeth age 4."
"Lovely grandchildren."
"Thank you." She smiled shyly. Normally she would dote, but it seemed a bit odd to do here, with this man who reminded of her of her son, but whose life was so different. Just the juxtaposition of the surreal, and the mundane.
"Is there any more?"
She continued to scroll the file, clearing her throat. "Umm, not that I can see. You know, based on this audit, I'm wondering if you should be part of the self-insurance program."
"What's that?"
"Your premium paycheck deduction would remain the same, but it's a special Pentagon account for certain high-risk positions. No insurance company or outsider attention. Not very many qualify for this special treatment, but I'm thinking you do. I'll approach Major Davis about it."Why this wasn't thought of before for the SGC members? Because I wouldn't have a fic otherwise. She still had to do the audit.
"Oh, okay." He stood up with a questioning look. "So I can leave now?"
"I think so, barring anything in your most recent update."
"Recent update?"
"Well, you said you were just released from the infirmary. But obviously you're up and around, so you couldn't..." Her voice faltered. "I mean, you didn't..."
He just looked at her, not daring to respond. Well, does almost burning to death when your consciousness is in another man's body count? She did count Machello...
Patricia Jennings was not used to being tongue tied. "Didn't...Dr. Jackson, you couldn't have. I mean, the odds..."
Daniel was moving quickly to the door. "Well, to be fair, I think I only coded once. They didn't even use the defibrillator, This dvd commentary is paused while the author thinks back to that Carolyn and shirtless Daniel scene in "Origin." Mmmm. Sorry, back now. and I wasn't `declared dead.' Yep, I think that's everything. Nice to meet you, Ms. Jennings. I'd really better be going now."
With a final look to make sure she was still breathing through her open mouthed guppy imitation, Daniel fled her office. Pat just watched him go, the modern day Lazarus that reminded her of her son. This was always intended to be the end of the fic, and sometimes I wish I had ended it here. Daniel left the bewildered bureaucrat in his/her office and went on his way (likely to be calling Jack and giving him a piece of his mind).
However, by this point, Pat had become a fully fledged character in her own right, and I couldn't resist following up with what would happen to her and what she would do with her reaction to this brush with the crazy world of the SGC. Besides, I thought she deserved a decent drink after this afternoon. Of course, it's up to y'all on whether I made the right decision or not in adding the last few paragraphs.
Picking up the phone, she dialed a number. "Hello, James? It's Mom. How are you?....Oh, fine fine....No, nothing's wrong....No, Dad's fine too. He's in Chicago for the week.....What?...Why am I calling? I just wanted to say hello. Maybe you and Laura can come over with the kids this weekend....Yes, that would be wonderful....James, stop worrying. Everything's fine....someone...something just happened here at work that made me think of you, that's all...Really. I'll see you on Sunday."
She hung up the phone and turned back to her paperwork. Sighing, she made corrections on this very strange report. Finishing the subject, she printed it and sealed it in the classified pouch with directions of Eyes Only for Major Paul Davis. She had been puzzled with his "Good luck." sticky note on top of the file. Actually, that had partially created her opinion that Dr. Jackson was a pain in the neck. Now she understood what Major Davis really meant. Can't you just picture Davis's reaction that someone was going to have to audit Daniel's file? I can see him having that sympathetic/warped sense of humor. He's been in his job too long.
She glanced at the clock. She only had a bit longer at work before it would be time to go. Her husband John was out of town on business until tomorrow. Sometimes she worked late when she was alone in the house, but today, she wasn't in the mood. Just going to the grocery store and home didn't seem right either. Without hesitation, she dialed an extension to another section of the base.
"Hello, Judith? It's Pat. You know that Happy Hour deal you mentioned at O'Malley's? I'll meet you there in an hour. After the afternoon I've had, I definitely could use a drink. Besides, aren't you always telling me I need to enjoy life more? I think a night out with the girls is exactly what I need."
So there you go. Hope the navel gazing didn't bore you.