musesandlyrics | 2.6. Mignon McLaughlin quote

[aussielawyer]

2.6. "We welcome passion, for the mind is briefly let off duty."
Mignon McLaughlin

Co-written with middleowens
[Follows THIS]

Mark really didn't know what he was doing. There was an unusual feeling in his gut that he had no freaking clue what he was playing at, and that he was maybe playing with fire, but he had still called her. He still called her and invited to his apartment for a drink. And she accepted. She accepted. He hadn't expected her to accept, and was even uncertain when he was making the phone call. But he needed some distractions, and she was what entered his mind above all else. He tried to tell himself it was because there was no one else to turn to, but he knew it wasn't just that. He was attracted to her, and she was a client. It wouldn't be the first client of his company that he had taken beyond a professional level, but she was technically his client after signing off her divorce and things could get really messy.


Plus, there was the added issue that he wasn't even sure what he wanted. He owed her a drink. It was probably just a fact of he knew she would need a distraction after the divorce, so maybe she could offer the same to him in return? The part he didn't know what he was playing at was inviting her to his apartment and to a bar. She could have said no, but she didn't. In fact, there seemed to be very little hesitation, and maybe she was now back wherever she was having just as many second thoughts as he was? Damn James and his neverending string of drama! Mark would never stop stepping in to pick up the pieces of his little brother's drama tornado, but he just wished for once James would just take it easy and stop causing himself more shit. Mark felt that knot in his chest too that was fear James was going to land in hospital again from the stress. He knew what James was going to tell him before the words even came out of his mouth. He had slept with Isabel and now knew he hadn't fallen out of love with her at all.

Fair enough. It should be plain and simple. Only, James' girlfriend was pregnant with only a few months left on the clock and now Isabel was pregnant too. Isabel's boyfriend had his twin brother practically on life support in hospital, who happened to be married to James' girlfriend's BFF, and the two of them were playing hide the banger while their other halves dealt with the other shit. Apparently they had 'permission', but what the fuck?! Why couldn't they just leave well enough alone? He wanted to grab them both and try to shake some sense in them. He didn't even know the other's that well, but he felt for them. The situation couldn't be a bigger mess if they tried. Mark did the only thing he could think of... he got James drunk. Or James got himself drunk, Mark just supplied the means. Two beers in and James was spilling his guts about what was going on in a tearful mess and Mark realised it wasn't as black and white as it seemed. James had a lot of shit going on in his head, but how the hell had he ever thought sex was going to be the answer? Hadn't he learnt from witnessing Mark's own horrific mistakes?

When the buzzer of his apartment sounded, Mark took a small sip from is glass of Scotch and set it on the mantel. He had gotten a slight head-start on the drinks just to try and clear his head a little. He quickly checked his appearance in the hall mirror and then unlocked the door, opening it with a smile. "Hey..." he greeted her, clearing his throat. "Long time, no see?"

Truth was Fiona had no more of an idea of what she was doing than Mark did. She'd got his call, and had agreed readily. As soon as the phone was down though, she couldn't help but wonder. What the hell had she been thinking? She couldn't even talk about it with Isabel until she wound up yelling at her younger sister for sleeping with James again. Now Fiona was agreeing to drinks at a guy's apartment. A guy who happened to have been her lawyer for her divorce, and who she called out of the blue to check on, and who was also beyond a doubt completely gorgeous.

Which is why Fiona found herself dressed in a top that had more cleavage showing than she'd been used to in years. It wasn't like her boobs were hanging out, but there was some definite skin on show. She was also wearing her form fitting black pants that showed off her ass. She wanted to bash her head againt the wall for making the warbrobe choice even before Mark opened the door. And when he did open the door she gave him a sheepish look before smiling. "Hey, yeah, long time, no see. Thanks for inviting me."

Inwardly, Mark hesitated while he allowed his brain a slight moment to scream 'WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING?!' internally. He really didn't know what he was playing at. It had been a long, long time since Mark had dated. Not that he considered this a date, per se. But she was a beautiful woman and he was offering her a drink, so it sort of fell into the same realms, right? He had no idea really what he was supposed to be doing. He hadn't dated since his divorced, and before that he was married, even if he had been sleeping around on his wife to get back at her for sleeping around on him. Then before he was married, there had been Ali, and a string of terrible one nighters as he tried to get her out of his mind after she rejected his marriage proposal. He wet his lips briefly and stepped aside to let her in. "Come on in. How are you doing?" he asked her, gesturing into his apartment. It was large, and modern. He was relieved the sale of it hadn't gone through when he put it on the market after James' death. He could come back to it and have a slight sense of familiarity here, if nowhere else. Her outfit wasn't lost of him, but was he supposed to let on so early he was perving on her? Was he perving on her? No... no, he wasn't. He couldn't be. He just needed company and distractions, just like she did.

"I, um," Fiona stepped inside, her stomach doing a little flip as she walked past Mark, "I'm good. Well, wanting to kill my little sister, but good." And nervous, and scared, and feeling like a schoolgirl. Not that she said anything about that. She didn't want him thinking she was an idiot. "How about you? How did it go with your brother?"

Mark closed the door over with a wry snort. He led her into the main part of his apartment. "I got him drunk, which probably sounds like a crap thing to do. He just tends to do the the whole 'I'm fine' wall-building thing otherwise. He's a bit of a lightweight, so a couple in him and he usually starts opening up. It didn't help that he and I have been... estranged, sort of, for a little while. I don't think he trusts me overly right now. I had to coax him to talk to him." He shook his head. "You have my deepest older sibling sympathies, I promise. If I could just get him to stop fucking up, he might actually have a chance to heal from all the wounds from the previous fuck ups."

He went over to his well-stocked bar in the corner near the large glass doors to his balcony overlooking the city. "What would you like? I can probably do most things. At least, I hope so. As you can see, I haven't had much of a chance to unpack again." He pointed to the piles of boxes against the wall, and some smaller ones littered around his lounge suite and coffee table. "I figured I would start with nostalgic memorabilia to try and feel at home a little."

"He sounds kind of like my sister. She's not much of a lightweight, though. Just has the same history in fucking up after she's already fucked up. I'm beginning to wonder how much emotional scar tissue she can actually take. She's managed to wrangle a second chance with someone who broke her heart, and is giving up a perfectly decent first chance at true happiness with someone else. I really just want to believe she knows what she's doing, but I'm beginning to think she should never be left to her own devices."

Fiona glanced around at Mark's apartment, and smirked. "Hey, can't really blame you. My apartment looks the same. I hate the idea of unpacking, but I needed a few personal things to make it feel like I was at least making a start, and that it was my new home. As for my drink," she replied, looking over the bar, "um, I'll have whatever you feel like making. I'm really not fussy." Fi's gaze went to the glass doors and she couldn't help but grin. "Wow, the view's amazing up here."

Mark nodded with a small laugh. "Jim can't take much because of his health. The lightweight has been the source of much amusement over the years. And that's the hard part right there. Leaving them to their own devices. I still want to lock him away and protect him from the big bad world, but he's... pretty big time himself. He wouldn't appreciate it. I just get terrified I'm going to lose him..." He stopped, not adding the 'again'. He didn't want to freak her out. It was way too soon for the whole 'My brother was murdered, only he wasn't' story. "Love can be a fucked up thing when it's not right or doesn't work. Finding out how to make it work... that seems to be my downfall."

He held up a bottle of Scotch with a smile. "I'm a pretty simple bloke. Really, if you want something else. Something less... cliche, I'm happy to make it for you. Do you like wine? I've got some bottles of Aussie red here. Good year, too." He glanced out the window with a small wistful smile. "Yeah, they are. It can be quite peaceful this far up from the chaos of the city."

"Everyone always seems to feed us this bullshit that it's supposed to be easy, but it's not. The falling in love part is easy, I think. It's making it last, and making it stick. The only time it's ever easy is if maybe you're really in it with someone you can share the workload with. If that makes sense? Or maybe I'm just talking shit," she added with a laugh.

Fiona was looking at the view again, tempted to open the sliding door and step out onto the balcony. "Um, actually the Australian wine sounds good. That would be great, thank you." Fiona shook her head. "My apartment has a clear view of the building right next door. I'm scared to get dressed, or undressed with the curtains open in case anyone sees."

Mark shook his head with a snort. "It's not easy, and I seriously had a fucked up marriage. It was bollocks, and divorce still wasn't easy. The love part is where it gets skewed. I think I've forgotten somewhere along the way what is really love and not just a want to not be alone. No matter how many times I find myself alone, it never gets easier. I don't think you're talking shit at all," he assured her with a smile. "I think as we get older and more knowledgeable, love just gets harder to recognise."

He watched her taking in the view as he took out one of the bottles of wine and uncorked it. "This place is kind of my sanctuary. I can hide here and just... not exist. Which sounds fucked, I know, but in a job like mine, you have to step away from it and turn off or it'll take you down in a fiery mess with your clients' battles. I manage my own fiery messes all on my own without needing to take on board anyone elses. You're a better lawyer if you're impartial. Was your apartment a hasty purchase because you needed to get away?"

Fiona tore herself away from the view so she could give her attention to Mark, watching him. "I know what you mean. Sanctuary can be important in any job. Reminds us that work isn't our life, and that there's more to it than an office and money. That's what love should be about, too. Someone to find sanctuary in. Then again, casual sex can work just as well. It's more like a band-aid, though. Takes us somewhere else for a little while, not a long time." Fiona gave a nod as she rest her arms against the bar. "Yeah, I guess it was. I just bought the second place I saw. I wasn't exactly thinking straight. One of the few moments I was an emotional mess no matter how inevitable the divorce was."

Mark held his hands apart. "Or it opens a big bloody gaping gushing wound that the band-aid should have stayed stuck over," he laughed wryly. "At least, in my experience. Probably why I'm so old and bitter about love these days." He poured her a generous glass of wine and slid it across the bar to her, moving onto his own glass. "Keep an eye on the property market. One day, your dream sanctuary might just show up. Everyone needs a rebound apartment," he laughed.

Fi's nose crinkled a little as she looked at him. "Wow, you really have been through some shit. I'm sorry it happened, and I really don't envy you at all. Still, not all us women are into creating big, bloody, gaping gushing wounds. You sound like you just need to experience some fun. Remember what it's like just to enjoy someone's company." Fiona accepted the glass with a smile. "Thank you. And somehow I doubt you'll ever let this particular sanctuary go. I'll just have to look out for somewhere else."

"I know, and the crappy part was, I caused the gaping bloody wound. It wasn't her. You're probably right there. I haven't had much fun in a long time. I feel too tired to have fun most days." Mark laughed and shook his head as he looked around. "No, I've had this place for years. I didn't live in it when I was married because she didn't want to live in Manhatten, but I kept a hold of it. She tried to take it in the settlement, but fuck that. It's close to my brother, too. At least, it was. He doesn't live where he used to. In saying that, I could well end up with him living with me after his latest stunt."

He sipped his wine and cleared his throat. "So, tell me something about you. Something non-divorce, because that's all I know about you and I don't want to keep rubbing your nose in it. My very presence is probably doing that."

Fiona had to laugh. "Okay, well, I'm a teacher. Another reason my apartment isn't as grand as this. Teachers don't exactly get paid their worth. I swear I need extra just to put up with the shit kids give me some days." She took a sip of her wine before glancing around. "Did you at least unpack a stereo? I know what would get you into a fun mood. And for the record, you're not rubbing my nose in it. You just sound like you need someone to talk to about it. It's hard keeping all that crap to yourself."

Mark raised his eyebrows. "Really? What do you teach? Young kids or old kids? Is that why you don't have any of your own?" he found himself asking. He pointed over to the wall with the expensive stereo mounted on it, laughing. "Part of the fixtures. I guess I did need someone to talk to... or a distraction, more than anything. I was starting to think banging my head against the wall was the only answer."

"Old kids, and no. I wanted some of my own, just didn't see the point bringing them into a... well, loveless marriage. Then I just got used to the fact I was never going to have any. My little sister's actually pregnant, so I'll just rock the aunty thing again. My older sister has kids, too." Fiona made a noise like she was an idiot before making her way over to the stereo. Hopefully she wasn't about to find out he had bad taste in music. "Hey, I'm only too happy to save you banging your head. You don't need to damage those lawyer brains."

Mark couldn't actually remember what music he had in there now, it had been so long since he used it. He followed her over to the stereo, still nursing his glass of wine. "Congratulations on the aunty thing. I'm actually about to become an uncle for the first time in a couple of months. It should be interesting. I've never had much to do with kids..." He didn't let his mind linger on the comment or he would just get upset again. "And I'm sorry you didn't have any of your own. I get a feeling you would be a wonderful mother. But you're still young. There is time to start over and have a family. I bet some guys would give their left nut to be in love with someone like you."

"Left nut, huh? Not sure there'd be any kids with one nut left in action," she said as she ducked her head and smiled. She could almost feel her cheeks burning at the compliment. Fiona distracted herself by switching on the stereo. It blared to life, and she jumped before turning it down just a little. The music didn't seem so bad, and she was sure she recognised it, but couldn't quite think of the name of the band. She turned around, and took Mark's glass from him and set it down on a nearby surface before taking his hands in hers. She started to dance, moving in a little closer. "Congratulations on the uncle thing. And it's not so hard once you get the hang of it. Just remember kids can smell bullshit."

Mark laughed. "Hey, you tapped into my Aussie teen years with that one. One of the best days of my life when I saw AC/DC live." He shook his head and covered his face with his hand. "I'm seriously showing my age with a comment like that." He was nervous as she started to dance with him at first. Ali was the last person he had danced with, and it had been at James' thirtieth before they slept together and he got her pregnant. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Still, he had never been a sucky dancer. He knew what he had to do and could pull it off, at least. "Can they? I'm just more worried what sort of offspring my brother is going to produce. We might need to get a leash," he joked.

"AC/DC? Oh yeah, it is, too. Shit, I can't believe I blanked on them." Fiona started to move a little more confidently, raising Mark's hand so she could spin under it. She grinned at him, her dark hair falling around her face. "Not so much. I promise I won't think about your age, if you promise not to think about gravity starting to pull my cleavage down." She gave a nod, starting to sing along softly under her breath as the words came back to her. "Yeah, they can. At least with some stuff. They know when something is wrong. A leash? That really could be quite serious," she laughed.

"I thought that only happened when you had kids," Mark laughed, shaking his head. He was a bit rusty on the dancing, but he was managing. Something was still tugging away in his gut, like maybe this was all a wrong move, but he was enjoying himself and the company was nice. They were both consenting adults, so how could it really be wrong? "You would agree with me if you knew my brother. He's been a handful his whole life. But then, he probably learnt a lot of it off me."

"No, no. It's as women get older, definitely. It's not a kid thing," she informed him, letting go of his hands to push up her breasts. "I remember the good old days when they were bouncy." She took his hands again, her gaze dropping lower before she could stop it as she wet her lips. "So you're quite the handful, huh?"

Mark cleared his throat and kept his eyes averted, feeling a hint of warmth creep into his cheeks. "Did I mention it had been a long time since I was, uh, with a woman?" he asked with a laugh, trying to passively warn her he might not be able to control his bodily reactions if she kept doing that with her breasts. When her next comment came, a cough of a laugh escaped his lips before he could stop it. "So I'm told," he confirmed, meeting her eyes with with a smile.

Fiona just smiled back, moving in even closer as she moved her hips to the music. "You already know it's been a long time since I was with a guy. Probably longer than you, not to try and one up you, or anything. Sex stopped for me years ago. It's been a really long time, and I'm sorry if I'm pushing my luck right now. I'm trying really hard to behave."

Mark wet his lips, watching her closely. "I'm not sure we're doing the right thing here," he admitted to her quietly. "I don't want to take advantage of you."

"You're not. It's not taking advantage when I'm willing. Assuming you even want to... I mean, if you don't because you don't like me. It's okay. You can say. You don't have to try and be nice. I was married for too long because we were both too polite to say it wasn't working. I'm sorry, Mr Campbell. I should... I should probably just go. I don't want you thinking I'm some slut, or something." Fiona ran her hand through her hair, wishing like hell she'd just kept her mouth shut. Of course he wouldn't want her. He was just being nice, entertaining a recent divorced woman. He wasn't interested in anything more. How could he be?

Mark held his hand up. "Please, when I say this don't take offense. But don't do that, okay? The whole 'You don't need to like me' thing. It just brings back bad memories and makes me feel like I'm treating you like some sort of slut. Do you think I really would have asked you out for a drink if I found you unpleasant? It's not saying a lot for your opinion of me, is it?" He held both hands up and took a step out of her personal space. He had been too burned in the past to fuck anyone over. "If you want to leave, I'm not going to try and stop you."

Fiona let out a frustrated noise. "My opinion of you is actually pretty fucking high, and I'm sorry. I'm just used to a guy who never really wanted me. It's been a long, long time since I've had a drink with someone that liked me, and I liked them." Fiona stepped back into Mark's personal space and grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him. It was either going to fuck things up further, or it would give them what they both wanted.

It took Mark by surprise. He really hadn't wanted to take advantage of her. He didn't want to hurt another female like he had hurt Ali. Half of his mind was telling him not to do it, but it wasn't strong enough to get him to hesitate before he kissed her back. It was desperate and needy on both their parts, and it was like once they started, they couldn't stop. He had been in this place before and it ended badly. Why wasn't he pulling back? They were playing with fire, but they were both adults, right? It should matter that she was freshly divorced and he was still stinging from the atrocious way his own marriage ended. It should matter, but it didn't.

All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe

Word Count | 4,164