In which I foil a dastardly plan...
Well I reached a milestone of sorts as a teacher;
That's right some disgruntled Grade five students had hatched a nefarious plot to kill me with fruit.
Let me backtrack for a moment gentle readers; I have an odd sort of allergy. I am allergic to kiwi fruit--deathly allergic. If I come into contact with it I go into anaphalatic shock. Now by rights I should carry an Epi pen, but I've never had a problem before. Kiwis just aren't as ubitquitous as other more common allergic triggers like peanuts or shellfish. I'm mean c'mon--it's kiwi. The fruit that looks like giant hairy testicles.
But as a precuation I tell my class every year to not have kiwi fruit for snacktime and if they have kiwi at lunch to make sure they wash their hands. No big deal.
Well four students in Grade five had been building largish snow forts outside at recess with tunnels. This is against school rules because snow tunnels are dangerous due to the risk of collapse. The rule is, if a fort is built with tunnels, staff will destroy the fort. So at recess I knocked over the snow block walls of the fort and filled in the tunnels. When they saw what I had done, there were many muttered French swear words and sullen glares directed at me. I explained to the kids why I had done what I had done--even though they all *knew* the rules.
Thus later on in the day the plan was hatched to kill me by smearing objects I might touch, like doorknobs and so forth with crushed kiwi fruit in the hope of triggering a fatal reaction.
Actually, it was rather clever of them. The four involved aren't usually the sharpest knives in the drawer but when it comes to EvOL plotting--they go straight to the head of the class.
Some other students in the 5/6 class came and told me what they were planning--they were quite worried actually bless their hearts--so I spoke to my principal and we called parents and held a meeting today with the four future assassins *misguided* youths involved.
They were *very* contrite. They all cried, even the boy who was involved and offered a very sincere apology. (Helped along no doubt by my explaining to them that if this sort of thing happened outside of school I could, by rights, go to the police and charge them with uttering threats) Yeah, it's amazing how quickly these dastardly villians changed back into scared little kids once I threw the po-po's into the mix.
And of course the fact that their parents had no doubt torn a strip off of them at home. It's hard to be a killer when you're grounded.
They *assured* me they, "weren't really gonna do it, Miss..." so I seized on that as a "teaching moment" to explain about how even words can have unintended consequences. Like making jokes about bombs at airports for example...
Although I was plenty mad last night, I have forgiven them. The thing that soothed me the most was the reaction of the kids when I very gravely explained how hurt I felt and how disappointed I was with them. I said it made me want to leave the school and go find work somewhere else. That's when the tears filled their eyes and they started in with the "No don't Miss. and "We're really sorry Miss." So I guess I can take that to mean they like me deep down despite their veneer of senior elementary cool and the fort wreckingness of me.
Anyway, now I find the whole thing rather funny in retrospect...
I was almost the victim of a drive-by-fruiting!
That's right some disgruntled Grade five students had hatched a nefarious plot to kill me with fruit.
Let me backtrack for a moment gentle readers; I have an odd sort of allergy. I am allergic to kiwi fruit--deathly allergic. If I come into contact with it I go into anaphalatic shock. Now by rights I should carry an Epi pen, but I've never had a problem before. Kiwis just aren't as ubitquitous as other more common allergic triggers like peanuts or shellfish. I'm mean c'mon--it's kiwi. The fruit that looks like giant hairy testicles.
But as a precuation I tell my class every year to not have kiwi fruit for snacktime and if they have kiwi at lunch to make sure they wash their hands. No big deal.
Well four students in Grade five had been building largish snow forts outside at recess with tunnels. This is against school rules because snow tunnels are dangerous due to the risk of collapse. The rule is, if a fort is built with tunnels, staff will destroy the fort. So at recess I knocked over the snow block walls of the fort and filled in the tunnels. When they saw what I had done, there were many muttered French swear words and sullen glares directed at me. I explained to the kids why I had done what I had done--even though they all *knew* the rules.
Thus later on in the day the plan was hatched to kill me by smearing objects I might touch, like doorknobs and so forth with crushed kiwi fruit in the hope of triggering a fatal reaction.
Actually, it was rather clever of them. The four involved aren't usually the sharpest knives in the drawer but when it comes to EvOL plotting--they go straight to the head of the class.
Some other students in the 5/6 class came and told me what they were planning--they were quite worried actually bless their hearts--so I spoke to my principal and we called parents and held a meeting today with the four future assassins *misguided* youths involved.
They were *very* contrite. They all cried, even the boy who was involved and offered a very sincere apology. (Helped along no doubt by my explaining to them that if this sort of thing happened outside of school I could, by rights, go to the police and charge them with uttering threats) Yeah, it's amazing how quickly these dastardly villians changed back into scared little kids once I threw the po-po's into the mix.
And of course the fact that their parents had no doubt torn a strip off of them at home. It's hard to be a killer when you're grounded.
They *assured* me they, "weren't really gonna do it, Miss..." so I seized on that as a "teaching moment" to explain about how even words can have unintended consequences. Like making jokes about bombs at airports for example...
Although I was plenty mad last night, I have forgiven them. The thing that soothed me the most was the reaction of the kids when I very gravely explained how hurt I felt and how disappointed I was with them. I said it made me want to leave the school and go find work somewhere else. That's when the tears filled their eyes and they started in with the "No don't Miss. and "We're really sorry Miss." So I guess I can take that to mean they like me deep down despite their veneer of senior elementary cool and the fort wreckingness of me.
Anyway, now I find the whole thing rather funny in retrospect...
I was almost the victim of a drive-by-fruiting!