I really should stop drinking coffee...
Caffine has deprived me of sleep and so I had lay awake for a long while in the pitch black completely bored and lacking any signs of sleep. So I started to think about mine and Rosie's script for Dracula 2 and began to continue writing it in my head. I got about two minutes into it and started to laugh uncontrollably after which I decided to head for the computer and just write the damn thing otherwise I might forget… So without further adieu I give you:
DRACULA 2 A.K.A DRAC-ATTACK A.K.A THE SEARCH FOR THE HAND*(the rewrite addition)**
INT- Jonathan and Mina’s living room- day
Jonathan and Mina sit across from each other in matching wing back chairs within a ghastly decorated parlor surrounded by various tropical plants, peacock feathers and large harps.
JONATHAN: It was him! It was the man himself, only he’d grown youngah, just like before, but there was something else about him… something horrible…
MINA: What was it Jonathan? You must tell meh!
JONATHAN: Well, I was just about to go into seizures, as I usually do for no apparent reason, when I realized that he wasn’t even looking at me. Instead he was looking down at his hands, and one of them… why it was gone!
MINA: Gone?
JONATHAN: Gone!
MINA: Where did it go?
Van Helsing quickly steps out from behind one of the tropical plants, causing Jonathan to jump in his seat.
VAN HELSING: DA RATS!
JONATHAN (catching his breath): The Rats?
Jonathan looks over at Van Helsing curiously, but Van Helsing has disappeared.
MINA: Ohhhhhh… the rats!
VAN HELSING (jumping out from behind the harp): JA! DA RATS!
Jonathan jumps again and Van Helsing disappears.
MINA: I knew that rat thing was a bad idea!
JONATHAN: What about the rats?
VAN HELSING (leaping from behind the peacock feathers) IT’S DA RATS!
JONATHAN: DOCTAH! PLEASE! Stop that!
VAN HELSING: Da rat hab his hand!
JONATHAN: The rats have his hand?
VAN HELSING: The rats are his hand, ja! He turns to rats, one don’t come back, now he has no hand, ja.
JONATHAN: Ohhhhhh… the rats!
INT Rat infested sewer- England
Dracula, his hands clasped behind his back, paces quickly back and forth in front of a swarm of plague rats inspecting them suspiciously. He sighs and unclasps his hands, or rather hand. His right hand is gone, replaced by nothing but a stump. He looks at it sadly before turning his attention back to the rats. Suddenly he spots a plump black rat and excitedly pounces into the swarm grabbing at the rat with his one good hand.
DRACULA: AHA! MY HAND! FINALLY I'VE FOU-- DAMN! IT'S JUST ANOTHER PLAGUE RAT!!
He shrugs and violently bites the fat rat, sucking its blood before throwing it to the ground and storming out of the sewer.
DRACULA:
WHERE'S MY HAAAAAAAAAAAAND!
I'VE SEARCHED ALL THE LAAAAAAND!
WHAT CAN I DO? I'VE DONE IT ALL!
EXCEPT PUT SOME CHICK UNDER MY THRAAAL!
EXT Dark street- London
Dracula climbs out of the sewer with a little more effot than normal due to the lack of his hand. Once out he brushes him self off as best he can and stares down the street. A young woman is walking quickly through the foggy night. Dracula smiles devilishly and turns into a green mist. He mists towards her and she, mistaking the eerie green glow for more fog, keeps walking. Dracula appears before her. Shock ensues.
Dracula: You will do my bidding.
Girl: Nuh uh!
Dracula: Oh, I think you will when you see what I can do for you.
Dracula backhands the girl across the face and waits patiently for her to cry
Girl (crying): What the hell was THAT for?
Dracula: Watch!
Dracula reaches towards the girl and tries to grab the tears from her face. Sadly he does so with his right hand, momentarily forgetting its absence, and succeeds in nothing more than jabbing the girl in the eye. She recoils from him and holds a hand over her eye.
Girl: Watch what?! Watch you stump me in the eye! No thanks!
She turns to leave.
Dracula: BUT WAIT! I can turn your tears into diamonds!
Girl: Aren’t you a vampire?
Dracula: Yes…
Girl: What do tear diamonds have to do with being a vampire?
Dracula thinks about it and then shrugs. The Girl turns and leaves.
Dracula: BUT…. WAIT…TEAR DIAMONDS!!!!
*This script is pure nonsense and is the result or various inside jokes regarding Coppola’s Dracula, jokes not meant to be understandable by even those who know them let a lone those that don’t. If you’re at all confused by any of this just skip to the next entry on your “friends page” although if you’re reading this you’ve probably already read it and for that, I’m sorry!
**The first addition being hasty and sometimes drunken, this one more pathetically calculated and somewhat plotted!
AT LEAST IT'S NOT EROTIC HARRY POTTER VALENTINES!!!!!