Hold on - Chapter 1

[avadiablo]

Rating:
Teen And Up Audiences
Relationship:
Matsumoto Jun/Sakurai Sho

Summary:
Newscaster Sakurai Sho has been having trouble sleeping due to the crying baby next door. There's only so much a busy man like himself can take...

Sho groaned throwing his hands up in the air as if to ask what ever deity was residing over him why this was happening to him. The newscaster was generally easy going and could handle stress like no other. Being addicted to work was both a blessing and a curse. Early days, late nights, money in the bank. However, right now, whatever sleep he usually got was rudely interrupted by the crying baby from next door.

And this was not really the first time either; it had been crying non-stop. As the oldest brother with workaholic parents he had helped raise his siblings, so he did know the stress of parenting for a crying baby. But this time it wasn't really the crying of the baby that disturbed him the most. No, this time it was his neighbour who was yelling back at the crying infant, which made the situation according to the newscaster all the more complex.

Sakurai Sho had only once raised his voice to yell at his youngest sister when he was nearing the end of the line, losing all hope of being in control, and when she cried even harder he had slapped her hard across her cheek. It was the one thing in his life he still regretted from ever happening - even if he had only been sixteen at the time. He should have known better, should have known it would make matters worse. And it was that memory that had him up from his bed at nearly four in the morning pounding on the front door of his next door neighbour.

The door to the house down the line opened and showed another neighbour who was also not pleased by the noise judging by the look on her face. As soon as she spotted Sho, she smiled and bowed politely before retreating inside again. Sho sighed as he rang the doorbell. Matsumoto Jun should be very lucky it was him pounding on his door. Mrs Nakamura was not easy to get along with under normal circumstances, let alone if she had something to complain about.

After the doorbell and first series of pounding he became a little anxious which resulted in a heavier pounding. He was on the verge of calling out his neighbour's name when the door opened and revealed a dishevelled, bleary eyed looking young man who did not really resembled the neighbour he passed in the hallway some weeks before. The guy had lost weight, a lot of it, he looked pale and sleep deprived. His shirt was smudged in a various degree of baby vomit and odd spills. The neighbour was finishing up wiping his hands, hanging the cloth over his shoulder, before looking Sakurai in the eye. With the door open the sounds of crying welcomed Sho in full force, echoing across the entire floor.

"Sakurai-san," greeted his exhausted neighbour with an apologetic bow, before doing another intake of Sho. It just dawned on Sho that he was standing there, dressed in nothing more than his somewhat oversized pyjama slacks. Now, Sho knew he had nothing to be ashamed of and found the sight of his neighbour checking him out rather welcoming for a change.
"Matsumoto-san," Sakurai returned, "You know why I'm here, right?" The neighbour nodded, the dread visible in his eyes.
"I'm very, very, sorry about the noise. I'm trying my best to remedy the situation, but..." There was something hugely wrong here. Sho could generally sense trouble coming from miles away, but beside the fact that the infant was still heartbreakingly crying, Matsumoto seemed on the verge of tears too. Feeling caught Matsumoto Jun mustered a small smile, sucking up what ever he was feeling and visually improved his posture to at least look like the man Sho remembered to be living next to him. "I'll try harder."

"Matsumoto-san. I'm not here because of the crying. I'm here because you are yelling at your kid." At this his neighbour blinked astonished before Sho continued, "You can't yell at children, it will only make situations worse. Trust me, I know this from experience."
"It's not my kid, it's my niece," Jun answered evasive while frowning.
"Like it matters who the kid belongs too. Obviously you can't handle her. Maybe you should call her parents and tell them that-"
"Can't. They ... passed away recently."

Sho, who was someone who nearly always knew how to address a situation, was floored for a second. Just a small one. Sho felt whatever little resentment he had towards his neighbour fade away. It was clear that the guy was in over his head when his brother - or sister - left their precious cargo in his hands.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Matsumoto-san," who nodded obligingly at the formal comment. After a pause and listening to the unyielding crying from inside Sho continued with, "Maybe you can find some support from your parents who-" But already Jun was shaking his head wordlessly avoiding all eye contact.

"I'm sorry to have caused you sleepless nights, Sakurai-san. I will try my best to mend the situation and-"
"Mind if I come in?" Sho cut Jun off and the latter stared at him in confusion. "Maybe I can get her to quiet down. I did a lot of parenting with my little brothers and sisters. I'm pretty sure I can't make her cry worse than she is now." Jun seemed troubled to invite him in; he could see it in the way the younger one frowned, seemingly arguing with himself and then sighed in whatever defeat he was feeling, stepping aside with an inviting gesture into his house.

Now Sho had been inside Jun's apartment only once before, and that had been at the time the guy moved in. He was throwing a house warming party at the same time Sho was doing a lengthy report about the upcoming World Championship Athletics, while juggling other responsibilities at the same time, leaving him with sleepless nights. The one time that he could actually sleep at home in what seemed like forever was unhappily coinciding with Jun's party. And Sho had rung the doorbell to complain after three hours of sheer torture.

He had been ushered inside and someone pointed him to the owner - who was already drunk - offering him drinks instead of listening to his complaints. Sho was then introduced to a whole gang of various people who were playing drinking games while Jun had slung his arm around Sho's shoulders. The newscaster had always wondered if in fact Matsumoto Jun remembered how that particular evening ended. If in fact, he remembered being in the genkan sandwiched between Sho and the wall where they were dry humping each other.

Because Sho remembered. He remembered all too clearly how Jun had asked in a whispered voice if he would stay the night. Sho still remembered all the things Jun had said he would do to him if he stayed. And he had been quite persuasive. Sho clearly remember Jun's sweet little moans, the skin of his neighbour underneath his open shirt, and how he had teased Jun back with a comment to protect them both.

'As much as I would love to stay, I don't sleep with people who don't know at least my full name.' Jun had just smiled at that, deviously so, and Sho still couldn't figure out what Jun did to him, but with a flick of fingers to his hardened crotch something seemed to exploded within him and he creamed his pants right then and there, trembling against his mischief looking neighbour who responded with a comment of his own.

'That's such a shame, Sakurai Sho-san'. Jun had then opened the door and showed him out. He had licked his lips, triggering a fascination in Sho for the little moles residing there. There lay a knowing glint in the eyes of Matsumoto Jun. One that told him the younger one appreciated the care, and one which told him at the same time that he was stupid for not accepting the offer to stay.

Whatever happened then was never brought up again and their neighbourly relationship never surpassed the 'greeting-in-the-hall-way-if-we-see-each-other' stage. But Sho had wondered about it. A lot. He was only human after all, and how big was the chance really to find a guy living next door who was equally interested in men as he was. Or at least Sho assumed he was. He assumed a lot when it came to his neighbour.

Jun's apartment which had been quite orderly even at the time of the drinking fest was now pretty chaotic. Toys, papers, magazines, food spills on the rug, a messy futon on the floor next to a playpen - which contained a screaming baby. There was half build furniture in one corner which Sho recognised as parts of the interior of a baby room. Sho grimaced at the sight of things. This house was not really baby proofed.

"Hey little one. How are you doing?" he asked in a soft tone as he reached for the child with the tear stricken red face. Jun wiped his hands again and watched Sakurai hold the wiggling baby close to his naked torso. He patted her softly on the back and walked around Jun's messy living room, while he talked about nonsensical things to her. Jun had been doing that to no end for days. It drove him nuts until about twenty minutes ago when he had lost his patience and had retorted to screaming back at her. Seeing the gentle manner with which Sakurai handled his niece made him feel jealous - and grateful, truly he was.

He sat down on his couch, exhausted, running his hands through his hair in defeat and stayed leaning in that forward position as the loud screams seem to lessen a bit. His mind however was racing from one end to the other. From being thankful that his neighbour showed up to feeling like the complete failure he was. Clearly he wasn't cut out to be a parent. The extent of it was painfully demonstrated by the means of one Sakurai Sho and that made him feel pathetic and really sad inside.

Sho had taken her to the window and played with the curtains, telling her about the view outside; from the cherry trees down below to the park near Mount Fuji which they really couldn't see from this angle. But all the while he kept her distracted and his tone to her never changed. His niece seemed to relax and Jun could hardly suppress a sigh in relief. The jealousy however stayed, but changed from being jealous of Sakurai being the hero in this story, to being jealous of his niece who seemed to have given up resisting and now resigned to being comforted by this nearly complete stranger. It was unsettling how he wished he could switch position with her. To be comforted and get the support he needed to pull through this hectic time in his life. The sight of them was so painful as the crying stopped all together in less then the ten minutes Sho had been inside. Why couldn't it have been him to get her to quiet down, why couldn't it just be him? Jun had tried everything in the book and -

"Are you okay?" Sho sat down beside him with a sleeping Mariko in his arms, watching him with a weird expressing in his eyes as Jun looked away feeling caught in his jealousy. His cheeks were wet by the tears he hadn't noticed were running. He used the stained cloth to wipe them away much to the horror of the newscaster.
"Yeah, just peachy," Jun said sounding apologetic and sighed, showing the small smile Sho had come to know so well in the past year. "Thanks for that," he indicated to his niece sleeping peacefully. Sho gave him an encouraging smile. But Jun just had to follow it up with, "I'm betting the whole block will be indebted to you now. Sakurai Sho, the hero who saved them all from the crying baby from hell."

The words hadn't left his mouth before Jun shook his head in disbelieve. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve that." Sho didn't respond. He didn't have to. He knew when things grew over one's head one could lash out unpredictably. In the silence, the peaceful quiet, Jun sighed again before standing up. Sho had the inkling that he would be shown to the door but instead was surprised when Jun offered him something to drink.
"Matsumoto-san, please sit down and rest up a bit. No need to worry about being a proper host. You must have been awake for as long as she was crying."

"Can I ask a question?" Sho questioned when Jun had sat down again. He could sense the other was on guard around him for some reason. It gave the impression Jun remembered what happened the last time he had been here. However, that was not what Sho was thinking about. Jun hummed affirmative to the inquiry. Right now, Sho could ask him anything for getting his niece to sleep like that. The storm of emotions just grew that much more uncontrollable as new tears welled up with the thought of what he was doing wrong with her.

"Don't you have any one to help you with the situation? You don't have any contact with your parents?" Sho couldn't really phantom anyone without a strong bond with their parents. But Jun shook his head; even if he didn't face him, Sho could see the tears.
"They died in the plane crash with my sister and her husband."

Some say 'men shouldn't cry', but there was also common sense to how much grief a single person could bare on their own. Sho couldn't even imagine what it had to feel like to lose every one close to you in a single blow, and being left with an infant to care for, at that - it left no room to grief, to mourn. Heck he couldn't even see the tiniest of shrines in their honour.
"Do you want to hear something funny?" Jun asked humourless as if it wasn't the best thing ever he wanted to share with him. Sho looked at him expectantly, smiling encouragingly, but that smile faltered completely when Jun dropped the punch line to the joke, "I learned about their deaths watching your coverage of the plane crash on the news."

There was nothing to say to that. What could he say to that? Matsumoto Jun had a talent for flooring him completely with a single comment. And all he could think about was that he should perhaps apologise when Jun continued glancing at him from the side.

"Thank you for that. Honestly. Else, I might not have known. At the very least I was able to save my niece from foster parenting." He leaned in and gently touched the cheek of his sleeping niece. It was the first natural behaviour he had seen since he entered the house between Jun and his niece.
"You didn't have the best of relationship then, you and your family?" Jun smiled at the question and shook his head.
"I guess in my line of work, it's natural." When Jun didn't elaborate Sho felt inclined to ask, but then again he didn't know how much he was allowed to pry into the private life of his neighbour.

The newscaster was left with nothing to say and the moment, in which he felt a strong feeling that he should perhaps reach out to Jun and pull him close too, passed them by. Jun got up and offered to make at least coffee. It was an offer Sho couldn't refuse, according to Jun, because morning was upon them and at least Sho deserved some kind of treat for making the little baby girl go to sleep.
When Jun returned with the tray he took his niece from the newscaster and laid her down in the playpen. Sho frowned.

"Doesn't she have a bed?" Jun pointed to the wood work. "Working on it, but it's hard to concentrate with her screaming in my ear." Sho eyed the futon.
"You're sleeping beside her? No wonder the both of you are exhausted. She needs her space as much as you do." Jun arched a brow, hands going to his sides as he questioningly looked at his neighbour the anger becoming apparent in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, are you a parent? I don't think you have any right to come in here and -"
"Slow down, Matsumoto-san. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."

Jun sighed, deflating the tension, and even that sounded apologetic.
"I don't mean to lash out at you either. I'm so on edge right now. And it feels weird she's so quiet for a change." He sat down beside Sho, eyeing his sleeping niece suspiciously.

Sho reached for his coffee and Jun noticed the lack of clothes on the newscaster again. Bare chest, bare feet, with only sweat pants on - that was at least two sizes to big for him.
"You should take advantage of situation and go to bed yourself, Matsumoto-san," Sho said after sipping from his coffee, holding the mug in both hands, watching the clouds of steam twirl about. Jun would love to. Honestly he would, but he feared that the whole crying thing would happen as soon as Sho would take his leave, because by now Jun was in full understanding that the universe seemed to hate him - and it was holding a grudge.

"What if she cries again?" Sho shrugged with a smile.
"Then you get out of bed, pick her up, and just talk to her about anything." He made it seem so simple, which to Jun it wasn't. He wanted to point that out, when Sho sighed and continued eyeing his neighbour quite seriously. "I know why you don't get her to stop crying." Jun looked astonished and Sho's smile brightened up a bit at his neighbour's curiosity. "You're stressed out of your mind. You can't grief the death of your loved ones; all of your time is going to her and her endless crying - which, I hate to tell you, you are causing by being stressed out of your mind."

Welcome to the cycle Jun already knew he was in, and he didn't look all that impressed with the newscaster which made Sho's smile turn into a knowing smirk. "You've figured that out already?"

Jun nodded as he reached for his own coffee and added the tiniest bit of sugar to it.
"The question I'd like to pose is as follows: 'how do I stop being the cause of her stress'?" Sho leaned into the cushions of Jun's couch and closed his eyes for a moment leaning his head against the backrest. To stop stressing, one should become relaxed. Relaxation came from healthy diets, enough rest and sound sleep. He really should head back to safe whatever he could of whatever little sleep he should have, but instead there were all kinds of situations running through his mind to make Jun destressed. Images from sending him to bed, to sending him to a massage parlour, to visions of him massaging Jun, his fingers tracing the muscles on his back... on his chest... his stomach... his -

He opened his eyes abruptly and sat up straight, hoping the train of thought didn't set of any other parts in his own body. What a time to be thinking about that! Right next to the man himself, no less. He blamed the lack of sleep. He cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed and hyper aware of the other, before glancing his way. Seemed Jun wasn't doing any better. The latter sat motionless next to him and he thought his neighbour might have fallen asleep if it wasn't for the very slight hitching in his breath and the blush crawling on his skin. Sho looked away feeling a little devious, seeking for something clever to say.

"What are you thinking about, Matsumoto-san?" Jun didn't respond right away, just opened his eyes, the colour on his cheeks deepening some more as he stared ahead without really seeing anything. His lips were slightly apart and Sho couldn't help remember the feel of them when he had kissed his neighbour a long time ago. He had his share of drunken kisses in dark places but, for whatever reason, that particular kiss with Jun seemed everything except drunk. It hadn't been sloppy, full of tongue, or rushed to get to the good part. It had been designed to seduce, to entice and -

No! Stop thinking along those lines, right now! Sho scolded himself before coming aware that Jun was watching him. There was something in his eyes from which he couldn't look away. He was sure Jun wanted to say something. In return Sho really needed him to say anything, anything at all. He watched his neighbour swallow away whatever he had on his mind and with that action the look that had captivated Sho changed to apologetic and shy. Jun diverted his sight, searching the room for nothing in particular. It felt like that moment not too long ago when there was a similar feeling, a moment which had then passed them by and Sho was not letting that happen again.

Jun seemed to make up his mind about something, wanting to get up, and probably say something to show him out. The newscaster felt it with every fibre in his body, but he wasn't ready to leave yet and he was searching frantically for something to prolong his stay.

As Jun put his coffee mug on the small table, Sho followed his move a little hurried, taking Jun's arm before the latter could stand up, pulling him flush against him. It just worked out a little different from that perfect moment he had envisioned.

He'd hoped to offer some kind of consolation; that Jun would accept his support and - he hoped - would just surrender or cry, or grieve, or do whatever else he needed.

However, what happened was something he couldn't predict; Jun's mouth came in to heavy contact with Sho's shoulder from the sudden rather wild pull on his arm; the resulting loss of balance made Jun drop against him, instead of falling gracefully into his waiting arms. The whole impact caused Sho to jerk away from Jun as sharp teeth scratch over the skin of his shoulder; Jun created even more distance between them, jumping backwards, holding his fingers to his painful pounding lips in pure shock.

Wide eyes filled with disbelieve sought the newscaster's as he blinked and showed Sho the blood sticking to his digits. Sho felt mortified, on the verge of apologising. Surely Jun would be angry enough to send him away now. Jun probably never would want to lay eyes on him ever again. What the heck had he been thinking? Those kinds of things only worked out well in movies, they never worked out in real life! He met Jun's upset stare and prepared for the worst possible scenario his mind could come up with.

Instead the shoulders of the latter were shaking and the dubious look changed to a smirk and from there into half a laughter.
"What the hell kind of move was that?" Sho couldn't answer, taken aback by the change in Jun he didn't expect. But the laughter was good to hear. He hadn't heard it before today, hadn't seen a true smile reflected in those eyes of his. That drunken moment in the genkan from almost a year ago didn't really count in Sho's opinion. But this laughter made him want to do all the stupid stuff he could think of to make Jun laugh again, to keep the shine of it in his eyes.

But in the silence, even with the best of intentions, where Sho regarded Jun as some one he'd love to help out, the moment was lost and Sho could feel it slip away. Jun bit his lower lip, sucked on it for a moment and Sho, despite being the cautious sort, couldn't think of anything else than wanting to take over the job of sucking that bottom lip with the little moles on it. He'd love to find out again how Jun tastes, blood and all. To feel that lip slip between his, to deepen that kiss to a proper one, with Jun beneath him, right here on this couch. That feeling grew to be so strong Sho almost reached out when Jun smiled shyly and commented, "I'm almost afraid to ask what you are thinking about."

Sho made an awkward sound that held between a mocking laugh and embarrassment, reaching for his still halve filled coffee mug instead and drink the cooled down contents. "Maybe it's wise not to ask," agreed Sho in a tone softer than he had used talking to Mariko. He had just wanted to stop Jun from yelling to his kid, and now he was envisioning kissing him all over again. He had lost precious sleep and all he could think about now, was how he could get Jun into bed, preferably his. But Sho's comment made Jun smirk again glancing at his neighbour. "I'm not known for being wise."

That was an invitation if ever Sho heard one. And yet with it came the uncertainty, because in the end, rash decisions seldom worked out well for him. It brought back the memory of the both of them in the genkan and how he had regretted not acting upon the invitation then. His neighbour decided to put more fuel on the fire by adding,"In case you are still wondering, I have known your full name ever since the moment you stepped into my apartment the first time around, Sakurai Sho."

Jun was leaning in a bit, waiting for him to make up his mind. In any of his fantasies this would lead to a kiss unrivalled by any other, a kiss so profound that he would ruin any other guy for Matsumoto Jun. But those were fantasies, and this - this was reality. And, as Sho leaned in, reading into Jun's dark eyes, neither of them was drunk this time.

The kiss was tentative. Not heated, like in his dreams, not wild and passionate. It was calm. Just his lips on Jun's, nothing more. And yet that gentle pressure send his heart rate flying. He leaned in some more to Jun's seated position, which was slightly forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, his fingers intertwined. He could taste the very faint metallic taste of his blood. It made him conscious of the fact he barely knew Jun, it made him conscious about existing blood deceases. And still he kept on applying pressure, moving closer. His hand found Jun's knee, apart from their lips the only touching between them. This was not at all how this kiss should be happening. There were so many things wrong with this kiss; the most important being that Jun didn't seem to want to cooperate with this kiss at all. This was even his idea, right?

Sho backed away, feeling unsure about how to proceed, almost not wanting to look Jun in the eye. The glance in them was one of curiosity, watching his eyes just as intently.
"Why did you stop?" Sho blinked to the question feeling rather hopeless. Why? What do you mean 'why'? Evidently you don't want to be kissed, or you don't seem to be very enthusiastic about it. So, should he say this out loud? How many more chances would he get to actually kiss Matsumoto Jun if he didn't take this one?

He felt unsure what to do and maybe, just maybe, Jun picked up on that. The younger man touched his own lips with a kind of wondrous look and continued with a dreamlike voice, "You have no idea how long it's been since I've been kissed like that." This just was too much confusion to handle for the newscaster. Wasn't that something you'd say AFTER you've been thoroughly kissed and couldn't tell left from right any more?? What the fucking hell?! He barely even got the chance to suck on the guy's lips, for crying out loud!

Sho gripped his hair in frustration, staring at the floor between his feet with wide open eyes.
"You didn't like it?" Jun questioned a bit perplexed and the tone with which Jun spoke caused his heart to beat heavily with guilt, "Did I take to long to enjoy it?" Perplex was being an understatement as Sho helplessly looked him in the eyes from the side.
"Jun," he mumbled, not knowing where he was going with his words, nor what he actually wanted to say, "I..." He sighed troubled. Jun, however, misread the situation completely and nodded getting up.
"I'm sorry for wasting your time, Sakurai-san. I'll show you out now before things get awkward." He carefully avoided to look at Sho and gestured the stunned newscaster should follow him. He watched Sho put the house slippers away. "Thanks for your help with Mariko, and taking care of me. I think I can take it from here."

Once Sho was out the door Jun spared no time closing it directly behind him. As he entered his own house he hoped Jun's niece would start crying again - so he had a reason, a stupid one, to come over again. And when he would open the door, he'd press Jun up against the wall and kiss the guy like he ought to be kissed until they both would see freaking stars!