Hold on - part 2

[avadiablo]

Summary:
When things grow above your head, what do you do?
Jun is asking himself that very question...

The crying was relentless. Maybe unyielding was a better word. Sho smirked to himself as he gave up on sleep after the rude awaking. Of course, Mariko wouldn't stop crying over night, just like he predicted. After all this was going to be his chance to make right by Jun once and for all. He hurried in his pyjama slacks out the door and without warning entered Matsumoto's residence.

A surprised Jun holding his little niece in his arms watched him coming with big eyes. Eyes that conveyed wonder and lust. The kind of eyes that haunted Sho in his dreams at night. Jun backed away, caught of guard by Sho's sudden appearance, as smirk forming on face. Before the young man could utter a word, Sho had him up against the wall and claimed those lips in one perfectly executed movement. The impact had Jun gasping for air, which Sho used to push his tongue inside his mouth. His hands grabbed on to Jun, making sure he couldn't go anywhere. This was one kiss he wouldn't escape. Jun moaned with the unexpected intrusion, but welcoming the surprise kiss.

Finding no resistance, Sho let go of his hold and moved his hands to Jun hips pulling his lower body closer to his. Damn it, why did the guy have to be fully dressed this time of night? He rubbed up against his neighbour, leaving no guesses to where he wanted this kiss to go. Jun's mouth was hot, the scent of him addictive making him hungry for more. He needed more. Jun's eye were dreamy as they shared a look, when Sho took the time to catch some much needed air; the glossy kind of look which basically told Sho Jun was ready for anything Sho wanted from him.

Sho just wanted to kiss for now; to just feel his mouth on his, to nibble on those lips with the moles on them, to trace them with his tongue and to fight over dominance with his. God, he wouldn't mind being dominated by Jun. That would be extremely hot and seductive. He imagined he could easily treat the skin on Jun's neck to some much needed attention, and following that to undress him ever so slowly.

Jun moaned again, so softly, with his eyes closed as Sho leaned against him, one hand on the wall beside Jun's head, the other stroking his neighbour's ass through his jeans. This kiss was slower, more intense, and selfish in nature. Jun's hand moved to cup his cheek, his fingers warm and sticky against him as he welcomed, leaning into the touch. The stickiness smeared but he didn't care. All he wanted was Jun sandwiched between him and the wall. There was something warm spreading along his naked feet, feeling like thick water. It tickled along side his bare soles. Jun leaned against the wail, creating some space as he let his tips of his fingers play with Sho's lips, rubbing what ever was on his fingers over Sho's mouth. It tasted like...

Blood.

It was pooling around his feet, filling his mouth where Jun had toughed his lips. Next to Jun lay his niece with bashed in skull. Sho got physically sick; his stomach turned, eyes bulging, chocking as if he couldn't breathe. Where had Jun gotten the knife?? He didn't know. He could feel the burning stabs as Jun drove the metal into his body, Jun's voice echoing as he screamed, "Leave me the fuck alone!"

Sho awoke wildly in his bed, clutching his sheets like a life line, instantly veering up and trying to get away from what was haunting him when he regained his baring. Trying to catch his breath as if he had been chocking, gulping too much air, he sat panting with frantic beating heart, hands around his knees for awhile. Letting himself fall back again, doing some breathing exercises to calm himself down, he rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. He could feel the imaginary blood smears on his cheek burn, the essence of life crawl around his feet, the lifeless body of -
Holy heck, hell no! Sho was having none of that this morning.

Upset he left his bed, tripping and almost falling over the bedding clinging to his legs, not wanting to let him go so easily. He practically ran into his kitchen, turning on the tap to drink straight from the water stream, washing the sweat from his face while he was at it to cool down. Leaning, holding on to the counter with nothing less than a death grip he listened with a beating heart to the noises from next door. Noises that had inexplicably seized to exist from one day to the next.

Jun had had no illusion that the situation with his niece would improve overnight. The crying didn't stop, nor did he have the feeling it would lessen anytime soon. He walked her around the living room, talking to her like he had seen Sho do. It was of no avail. The day after Sho had come to the rescue, after that second tragic kiss between them, Jun had lost all hope. Well, not all, as in every hope he ever had, but enough to warrant the action of temporarily moving out of the apartment, simply because he couldn't think straight anymore.

Moreover, it would be more like a holiday than anything else. Just to get away from everything that was going on in his life right now. Not that Sho really was a factor in it, he barely even made it on to the equation, Jun reasoned. It was more the tension he was feeling every time Mariko opened her throat to scream like no tomorrow. It caused his heart to jump painfully against his ribs in fear Sho would show up again. Tension he didn't need right now - he had enough going on in his life without adding to it.

He'd found the two of them a little bed and breakfast that had no trouble accepting 'a screaming child who could wake the dead'. The place was a nice little house on the edge of town, where life seemed a little less hectic than in the middle of down town. Instead of the small balcony which was part of Jun's apartment, they now had the chance to enjoy a backyard. By backyard, Jun meant a small strip of grass, shaded by tall trees and a very small terrace, which was big enough to fit maybe four people if they practically sat on top of each other.

With the early sunshine of the day, nearly a week after he moved out, Mariko lay on her stomach on a blanket hitting a duckling made of all kinds of different fabrics. Her noises were happy ones for a change. If he had known that moving from the eleventh floor of his apartment to a small house would do the trick to settle them both down to a slower pace, he would have sold his apartment in a heartbeat. Thought it wasn't just the house he was in, or the change of pace that had attributed to the change in both of them.

Jun lay on his side playing with the duckling much to the amusement of his niece, walking it in front of her. Her laughter made him smile and it felt like he was in charge of things again. He pulled his niece to him and lay on his back holding her close in his arms.
"It's just going to be us now, little lady, I'm all you've got for family. And you're all I have left. We belong -"
"Nice and dark, Jun-kun," The owner of the house came out to the yard, putting a tray of lemonade down between them as he sat down. He shook the formula in the bottle he brought with him and tested it on his wrist like it was normal to do so before giving it to Jun. "I can only hope you're telling her fluffy stories before bedtime. You're not telling her the doom and gloom stuff, right?" Jun shrugged getting up, taking to bottle. Sho had said he should talk to her about anything, so why not tell her what kept him up at night. After all, it's the tone of voice and not the words that counted the most, as he had recently learned. Mariko drank greedily.

Aiba Masaki leaned his head on Jun's shoulder, making Jun laugh. "Go away, silly!"
"Ah, but you are so cute together! You look happy when you feed her. I just need to be a part of your happiness." Jun let him stay, leaning his head against that of his new friend. He didn't really know if he could call Aiba a friend; after all, he was just renting a room in his house. But after the first night of screaming, come morning when it was still dark outside, Aiba had walked into his bedroom look quite sleepy, dressed much like Sho had been in oversized slacks, rubbing his eyes. Without a word, he had taken Jun niece and started walking away with her much to Jun's horror.

"Wait! I'm sorry! I -" He started walking after him, trying to get her back. Aiba stopped mid hallway and point resolutely to his room, while holding Mariko protectively against him.
"You! You go sleep! Get some rest!" Jun shook his head reaching out for Mariko. Aiba just turn his body, preventing Jun from doing so. "Listen to me, Jun-kun. You need sleep. You've been up all night." The words of Sho being echoed by another.
"I will as soon as you give her back to me."

"As if any of us will get sleep with this noise," Aiba countered as he kept shielding her from his attempts to get a hold of her. In the end, Jun lost his composure, being too exhausted to keep up good appearances.
"Damn it, Aiba-san! I'm not kidding. Hand her over!" Mariko added some more volume to her loud vocal range hearing Jun's anger. That had been the last straw, because he had been trying so hard not to lose it. To always speak with the love he felt for her in his voice like he had seen the newscaster do. And now he saw the full effect, could feel the full effect of it in both his tiny niece and in the character of his landlord.
"Not when you're yelling like that, I won't."

Even before speaking, he was already noticing the change in the younger man. There was the shimmer of pain in his eyes he had seen at least four times over the day. And he sighed, putting the baby into Jun's arms. He pushed Jun against his shoulders towards the dining room, and passed that, to the living area and pointed at the couch.
"Have a seat, Matsumoto-san. I'll get us something to drink and then we will talk. Is that okay with you?" Hugging his niece, Jun just nodded, not caring for the tears running. He was turning into a cry baby. Every emotion seemed to choke him up and it was for the umpth time in a short week he noticed the weird effect his tears had on his precious little girl who seemed to quiet down as he let go.

Aiba came with coffee and a bottle. When Jun first arrived, Aiba had been all over her, checking her out as if he had never seen a baby before; prodding with his fingers in her sides and running them across her tummy, underneath her tiny feet and hands. Mariko had laughed and giggled, moving about when he tickled her and made funny voices, making Aiba laugh and giggle too. To Jun, watching them, it was as funny as it was troublesome. Like with Sho, every one seemed to make her laugh. Every one except for him, making his mood gloomier than it should have been.

It also hadn't taken Aiba long to figure out the load the uncle seem to carry even without knowing the cause of it. The guy wanted to laugh, he was sure of it, but he barely cracked a smile. Aiba, however, was a people person, one that loved to laugh - or cry - depending on the mood, but he had a love for life and what made him happiest was sharing that love with every one he encountered, making him energetic and cheery in nature.

Aiba had given him the bottle, which he had taken reluctantly. Mariko had quieted down considerably since Aiba had gone to the kitchen.
"I'm not sure she's hungry," Jun muttered not wanting to sound unappreciative. The owner shrugged without giving a care whether or not she would.
"If she doesn't want it, she doesn't. The point is more that it gives you something to do, though." He sat next to them watching the halve smile creep on Jun's lips as he held his niece so she could drink. His face, even with the smile, was red and tear-stricken. There was so much pain there that it felt really unfair the young care taker of his niece had to bare it seemingly all alone. Maybe he was running from something, some haunted past, chased by demons he didn't know how to handle - and everything he ever wanted to do was take care of his little niece.

Aiba choked up at the image and reached out to Jun's head, pulling it against his shoulder. He could feel Jun stiffen at the action, but as his fingers went through his hair, playing around through the strands, there was the sound of a sob. Aiba hoped it was Jun. It would be way weird if he was the one crying out loud; it was just that his heart was breaking knowing that the other carried so much pain inside of him. Jun had leaned into him, letting go of some of the anguish, while they huddled against each other, heads and shoulders connecting. No words were said; Jun watched his niece with teary eyes and Aiba moved to engulf them both in his warm embrace.

It felt good, protective. He could feel Aiba's lips travel the skin of his temple and for a split second Jun could imagine them kissing. Imagine them being happy together, the three of them. A happiness that he needed, he wanted more then anything. But nothing happened. Aiba didn't cross the line, he just held them, making Jun tear up that much more. He couldn't even remember the last time he had experience a hug like that, without strings attached, one that felt unconditional and profound in loving them, even if Aiba was just a stranger.

In the course of the almost two weeks they were there, they'd received a lot of those hugs. Mariko received the most of them, of course, but Aiba swore it was just because she was so damn cute compared to Jun. But Jun was cute too, that was not what he meant. The way Aiba talked enthusiastically, and making sure Jun received nothing but compliments grew on Jun quite fast, even if he knew it wouldn't last for ever. Jun moved from being jealous all the time to being just grateful that some one else could step in for a minute of two while he worked out the messy bits in his life that still needed fixing. Little things like his work. It had taken a considerable amount of courage to turn on the phone again after a full month of being unreachable for any one.

He wasn't exactly spammed to death; in the whole month, there were seven messages waiting for him. Only three were from his work, and made by just one person; Ninomiya Kazunari. It was a bit surprising, because if was up to Jun he'd say they weren't on the best of terms. And what was perhaps more surprising, was the fact that these were all voice mails and Ninomiya did not have his cell phone number last time he checked. He worked through the remainder, putting Nino's messages on hold every time he heard his voice. That had been four days ago. He knew the time to postpone things was running out and he was clinging to this weird little happiness bubble with all his might.

A happiness that couldn't last. But that was how they both ended up feeling at peace in Aiba's back yard. Aiba smiled radiantly as he trailed his fingers over Mariko's tummy.
"Don't tease her, while she's drinking," chastised Jun trying to shrug him away.
"Puh," pouted Aiba, "Maybe I should tease you while you are drinking, instead, then." Jun stuck his tongue out at him.
"You are welcome to try," he joked. Ever since he'd gotten Mariko, he hadn't even touched a single beer. Drinking in the company of Aiba could prove... He didn't know what it could prove. It would either be very entertaining, or it would plainly end in disaster.

Morning ended, Mariko went for a nap and Aiba was cleaning up inside, refusing any help because after all 'that's what you pay me for.' The thought of drinking with Aiba, or actually doing anything in the company of his host kept lingering on his mind, even after a topic change or twenty. Lying alone, in the mid afternoon sun on the thin blanket in the yard, listening to the birds sing and fly about between the trees and scrubs, didn't really help set his mind at ease. Because in all sense and purposes Aiba Masaki was probably the easiest person alive to fall in love with. It would be hardly any work to wrap him around his finger, Jun mused to himself. He could imagine an evening when they would drink, and touch playfully, innocently, with lots of laughter and silliness until it ended in kissing. Warm lips against his, his body against him, the feel of his hands roaming his skin. If Aiba's scent was anything to go by, it made Jun wonder how sunshine on a clouded day actually tasted like.

He could imagine, topping Aiba, riding him, seeing the shine and light in his eyes. It had become nothing less than an addiction. It wouldn't matter if some one would overhear their moans, their noise of pleasure and passion, if anything; it turned him on more.
But the image changed as his mind came up with another sensation that took his breath away. Roles were switched and he found himself on his back, topped by the very guy he was trying to forget.
It was Sho who kissed him now; Sho, whose mouth travelled his skin enticing stronger sounds from his lips than Aiba had. It was him, who Jun needed to be by his side. Imaginary or not. Even if it didn't make sense to him. He needed Sho in his life.

Jun pulled him back up, back to his mouth where he belonged, as he crossed his legs over Sho's back, keeping him almost immobile. Jun muttered soft things against those plum lips, licking over them, not wasting time like he did the last time. He needed a deeper meaning to the kiss, needed a deeper meaning to everything they were doing or were bound to do. Their tongues found each other, dancing around, teasing, distracting. There were little bites and nibbles, soft sighs and heated movements between their bodies. Jun held on to him, both his arms around Sho's neck, his nailed digging into his flesh, knowing that if he would go Jun would scratch open the tender skin beneath them.
"Don't ever leave me." The words were out there, spoken by Jun and Jun repeated them to his lips, against his ear, breathless, meaning every word as Sho made him his.

"Should we ask what he's dreaming about?" The voice of Aiba sounded from far away, bringing Jun back to the here and now. "Do you see that, Mariko-chan? He's smiling. I bet he's dreaming of rainbows and ponies. Should we ask him?" The smirk grew wider; Jun felt it creeping along the line of his lips, opening one eye suspiciously to watch Aiba sit next to him with his niece. She was watching him, with as many fingers in her mouth as it would hold. Aiba was almost leaning his head on her tiny shoulder, looking intently as well.

"I'd rather you forgo that question," Jun mumbled with a mischief grin.
"Oh, you hear that, Mariko-chan? He's dreaming of things not meant for you to hear." Aiba pouted mockingly, "And here we were thinking you looked 'soooo innocent'." But the way Aiba said that last words he made sure Jun knew how 'innocent' he really looked.
"I brought you phone with me, Jun. It kept ringing." He gave Jun the device with the blinking light. The display read the name of Nino with the number six attached to it. "Is Nino some one you are running away from?" ventured the owner of the house seeing the doom appear in Jun's eyes.

"Not really. It's some one from work." Aiba nodded, not that he had a reason to question it further. But as Jun put the phone aside and played with Mariko's wet hands Aiba couldn't quite put a lid on things.
"If that's work, shouldn't you call them back? Or are you so high up the food chain that you can actually skip work?" Jun blinked at the question, looking slowly up to meet the other's eyes. Mariko sensed the change and huffed.
"Isn't that something you shouldn't ask ANY of your patrons? You're crossing a line here - I'm pretty sure of it." It sounded jokingly, but the gleam in Jun's eyes contained a clear warning.
"I'm not sorry for asking. I'm just inquiring. We are friends are we not? That's stuff we should know about each other, isn't it?"
"I thought we were, but maybe I was mistaken. Friends don't pry into each other's lives like that." Jun took Mariko and stood up walking away. "Maybe we've overstayed our welcome."
"You can't keep running from whatever you're running from, Jun. Eventually, it will catch up to you!" Aiba watched them go inside before he mumbled rubbing his hands over his pulled up knees, "I learned that one by heart the hard way."

At nearly five am Sho awoke from another nightmare. Pounding heart beats were what he woke up to; they were his faithful companions in the morning. Sleep went from what ever he usually got, to waking up every half hour or so. But now, now, the sounds from outside triggered his interest, doing nothing to still the beating of his heart - if any, the heavy pounding increased. He could swear he heard the voice of Jun coming from the balcony. But he might be delusional by now.

Before doing the smart thing and just ask at the front desk of their building if Jun still lived at his place, he was working up the nerve to call on him. After a couple of days of ringing his doorbell he felt ignored and shut out and it had hurt as hell to be treated that way - which was of course every right of Matsumoto Jun's - after all the guy didn't owe him anything. They weren't dating, heck they weren't even friends or seeing each other sociably. After learning from the building's manager that Jun had left for unsure amount of time he felt heart broken for reasons he couldn't explain.

But he wasn't anything if not professional. So it wouldn't show up on the news how he was truly feeling, and burying himself in his work even more than usual just seemed like the right thing to do. It had people talking and worrying that he was possibly overworking himself. Which was fine, it beat answering questions on a personal level.

But now the sound of Jun's voice - was it really Jun? - was coming from the open balcony doors and he was up and out of bed, sprinting and hopping - why don't these sheets ever stay on the bed? - to come to a standstill with the curtains in his hand looking down at his underwear. He wasn't really wearing anything besides those. He didn't want to run outside being naked like that and say: 'Hi Jun!' or 'Good morning, Jun', or maybe just a 'Yo'. Nope, definitely not 'yo' - this was not a 'yo' kind of situation. He grabbed both his sheet and pyjama bottoms, looking from one to the other. It would be fun to saunter outside in a sheet, leaning casually over the railing, welcoming Jun back, but he the feeling that that was just not sending the right kind of message. Jumping into his slacks, he halted in front of the curtain again. What if he had already retreated inside? Wouldn't that look stupid? What would he do if Jun wasn't there? Call out for him?

He listened intently, not wanting to come across too eager, to give away how weird it was to be missing him - when clearly they didn't even know each other that well. But Jun was still there, talking to his baby niece. With pounding heart and sweaty palms, the voice of Jun was turning Sakurai Sho, newscaster extraordinaire, into a nervous 'love stricken' kid again. So, how should he act? What should he say? Before his mind could come up with some proper answers, he body was already out the door and onto the balcony watching a welcoming sight of Jun sitting on the floor, basking in the early sunrise.

He looked at easy, some how different from last. Sho leaned his arms in the railing, mesmerized by the image of Jun - not wanting to disrupt that image of a peaceful Jun - until the latter looked up and smiled at him in greeting.
"Good morning, Sakurai-san. I didn't wake you did I?" But he didn't seem too worried about it.
"Morning, Jun-kun. Morning, Mariko-chan. And no, you didn't. But I thought I heard you, so I came to check if I wasn't dreaming and -" He cut himself off, diverting his eyes away from Jun immediately questioning himself. What the heck was he saying? What the heck was that kind of greeting? When did he think it was ever appropriate to call Matsumoto but his given name, followed by 'kun' no less?

The smile didn't waver, but there was some interest in Jun's eyes, followed by a chuckled at Sho's self embarrassment.
"I took a brief holiday. A much needed one as it turned out." There was a glint in his eyes as he followed it up with, "Sounds like you missed us, Sakurai...kun." It was not quite the same, but the change from san to kun warmed his aching heart more than it should have. He wanted to respond, something suggestive or maybe just the utter truth of it - how hard could it be just to tell Jun he was very much interested in him? - when another man, dressed pretty much like Sho himself entered the balcony from Jun's apartment, handing Jun a bottle for Mariko.

Sho felt like he had been slapped hard, feeling all the blood drain from his face.
"Thanks. Hey Masa-chan, this is my neighbour Sakurai Sho, the famous newscaster. Sakurai-san, this is Aiba Masaki." Sho nodded his formal greeting to the other who seemed cheery to meet his acquaintance. Why was Aiba Masaki's name shortened to Masa-chan? "I met him on holiday," Jun continued the introduction between the two making Sho feel even worse. Sure, he thought, kick a man when he's down, why don't you? You've known me for over a year, but him you call Masa-chan in less than a few measly weeks.

Sho took his leave as fast and normal as he could. He didn't want to lose his composure. Upon entering the bedroom, he collapsed almost missing the bed. The Cinderella pose was lost on Sho, feeling tears of frustration sting. How unfair was this? How cruel could life get by playing with his emotions like this?

"He doesn't seem to like me very much," came Aiba's concerned voice from outside. He could just picture the two of them cosily sitting together watching Mariko being fed.
"Don't take it personal," Jun's response came to that. Sho could just see him shrug.
"Shouldn't I? If looks could kill I'd be standing here dead." Very good, Masaki, very perceptive. Sho was glad that his neighbour's new friend got the message, grinning evilly at that. He was ready to fight for Jun, if need be. He was preparing for war, if push came to shove. Sho swore he was. He wouldn't go down without a proper fight!

"You sound offended, Masa-chan," Jun joked unaware that Sho was overhearing their conversation delivering the final blow, "There's nothing between us, I swear. There never has been."