PROMPT 65: Air "Four Element - Air- Third Stanza" by clockworkchaos

[clockwerkchaos]

Title: Four Element - Air- Third Stanza
Author: clockworkchaos
Rating: K 
Words: 256
Genre: Poetry
Char/Pair: -
Warning: Poetry
Summary: Section of Tsu-Soon Ertou's famous poem 'four elements'. Air section, third Stanza.

Comments

[somariel]

Wow. This is a really great poem.

[grandiose666]

I really liked this!
I like all the references,
"On the road when the find the Avatar
They will kill the avatar."

and I especially like
"Be like the leaf, not the tree
This is the lesson of air."
Meelo!
and
"The sound of one hand clapping
Is a slap."

[chordatesrock]

It seems a bit disjointed and I'm not sure how the form sits with me. On the other hand, I like that it cuts straight to the central theme and I do like some of the imagery, especially at the end. I'm very uncertain about this one. I started off disliking it and ready to write it off, but it grew on me significantly by the end. I suspect what I dislike about it is very subjective, except a couple of technical issues. The first two lines of your last stanza should read:
"Can spirits roam when the wind is gone?
Can they pass on, without prayer?"

[clockwerkchaos]

Actually, I'm rather glad you dislike it, as I suffer a lot from a worry that people are just saying something nice to, well, say something nice. So having someone be willint to be more critical is nice, both for it's own sake, and letting me know that others enjoyment is sincere. The format was based off of the "Four Quartets" by T.S. Eliot, and is intended to mimic the style.

[chordatesrock]

I see. I didn't catch that, but it explains a lot.

By the way, thanks for that comment on Wrong. It showed up in my inbox even though it's not visible on the entry.

[wolfs_lament]

This is a wonderful poem. I especially like the third paragraph (stanza? I've completely forgotten my poetry lessons). I think there are a couple of typos where 'the' is supposed to be 'they,' though due to the nature of the poem I'm not entirely sure.

The lines about a one-handed clap being a slap are also really thought-provoking. The imagery of the whole poem is very nice.

[ljlee]

Lines I particularly liked:

Be like the leaf, not the tree
This is the lesson of air.

Love, but do not attach.
Explore, but do not stay

There are no temples now.
The prayer wheels are still.
The statues broken.
The chanting is silence.
Here is no temple. Here is a grave..(Though I would have preferred "silent" to "silence," or more like "the chant is silent

[clockwerkchaos]

I really, really appreciate this. This is my first time writing poetry, and that's some great advice. And yes, I do aknowledge killing the Avatar is more Japanese flavored budism, but, as my own excuse, I see this as an 'in universe' poem. Since it's written after the Air Nomad Genocide, whoever is writing isn't Air Nomad themselves, and therefore non-Tibetan flavored believes are okay, as while they are talking about the Air Nomads they are flavoring it with their own culture backround.

[ljlee]

while they are talking about the Air Nomads they are flavoring it with their own culture backround.

Does that mean there are other flavors of Air Nomad religion out there in the ATLA world? Because that's a really interesting premise, and would probably have a lot of implications for Air Nomad revivalism. Great bit of worldbuilding!

[clockwerkchaos]

Not exactly what I was going for. It's more like, well just as Buddhism appears in Japan, China, India and Tibet, so to do the various avatar religions share across countries. The author, being Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation, doesn't personally know the Air Nomads. Furthermore since they are all dead, he doesn't really know what they were like, there's some stories and evidence, but (as I imagine this taking place during the 100 year war) there isn't any dedicated archaeology. As such he is taking what he does know (monks from his culture do use Koans) and applying it to the air nomads.