Mirror the Sun Part 2
Chapter 3: The Truth about Her Past
That evening the chief extended an invitation via Katara to have Azula join them for dinner. When the two women arrived, Sokka was already there with Arnook and Aga, along with an older man with a friendly smile and a beard streaked with gray. Sokka and the other man stood up and bowed briefly and formally as they walked in and took their seats.
Arnook cleared his throat and said, “My sincerest apologies, Princess Azula, for not properly greeting you before, but I didn't wish to disturb you while you were ill.”
“How are you feeling now?” asked Lady Aga.
“I'm feeling well, thank you.” Azula replied. “I appreciate your hospitality.”
Curiosity and discomfort flickered over Arnook's face, but he brought it under control quickly. His wife, on the other hand, had grief and longing written all over hers. I must remind them of their daughter, Azula thought, and dropped her gaze.
In the meantime Arnook continued, “This is Irkuk, the Northern Tribe's Ambassador to the Earth Kingdom.”
“It's very nice to meet you,” Katara said, and Azula gave a polite nod.
“The pleasure is mine.” If Irkuk found Azula's appearance unnerving like the other Water Tribe people she had encountered did, he hid it well. Sokka, on the other hand, didn't look at her at all.
Servants came in and laid out dishes of blubbered seal and mussel-oysters with seaweed bread. When each person had been served, Katara said, “So what are these trade negotiations all about?”
Sokka and Irkuk looked to each other, then Irkuk made a 'you go ahead' gesture and Sokka began, “You might remember from the last time you and Aang were in Ba Sing Se that purple has suddenly become fashionable there.”
“Yeah. That color was everywhere.”
“Right now, the main supplier of the dye has been the Southern Water Tribe, for no other reason than we got there first. But Dad's worried that we're going to over-fish the little mollusks that we get the dye from.”
Irkuk took up the explanation. “In the meantime the North has lots of the little shellfish in their waters and would like in on the dye trade, especially before the fickle Earth Kingdom nobility decide that some other color is the new fashion, like red or yellow.”
“But our men don't want to lose business to competitors when we're finally bringing some real wealth into the tribe and doing some good,” Sokka said. “So we need to bring the Northern traders in without flooding the market and creating losses for everyone.”
“Wow,” Katara said. “That sounds...exciting.”
That made everyone at the table laugh. “Trust me, little sis,” Sokka replied. “It would be more fun to watch ice melt. But we got the bulk of it worked out between us yesterday, so tomorrow we'll head back to Ba Sing Se and present our proposal. Hopefully in another week we'll have the final agreement hammered out.”
The topic of conversation changed then to other, lighter things. Azula ate without speaking, having nothing to contribute. Occasionally she would look up only to see Lady Aga casting glances her way.
Once their plates were mostly emptied, Chief Arnook addressed Katara again. “When are you planning on leaving?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
He nodded. “I wish you safe travels back to the Fire Nation.”
Tomorrow? So soon? Azula was just getting somewhat used to this place of cold and snow, despite the feeling of being unwelcome. Now she had to say goodbye to it and go to a place that she had no memory of and knew nothing about. Katara had mentioned her mother, but instead of being comforted by the idea that someone was waiting for her, the knots in Azula's stomach only seemed to grow.
“It's a shame I didn't get to see more of your beautiful city,” she blurted out. Maybe they'd let her stay just one more day.
The silence that fell over the table was almost tangible. Katara finally broke it with, “That's really not a good idea.”
Lady Aga spoke up then, “There's still time this evening for you to go out.” She placed her hand on her husband's and said to him. “The damage is already done; word has gotten out that she was taken to the spring. Besides, she is the Fire Lord's sister. We need to treat her well.”
Fire Lord. Yet another thing to add to the list of words that made no sense to Azula. This particular phrase, though, gave her a feeling of disquiet that none of the others had.
“All right,” said Arnook, though he didn't look happy with the idea. “You will need an escort, Princess. For your safety.”
Katara gave a tiny sigh and stood up. “Okay, whenever you're ready.”
“No, I'll take her,” Sokka said, surprising them. His smile this time seemed just a little forced, but maybe Azula was imagining it. At seeing Katara's confusion he added. “You need a break. Seriously, I got this.”
Katara looked from him to Azula and back; underneath the uncertainty seemed to lurk a tiny bit of relief. “Okay. See you when you get back.”
Sokka got up and beckoned for her to follow. Wordlessly, he led the way down an immense staircase to the level of the houses and shops, only glancing back every now and again to make sure she was behind him. What had glittered white in the daytime was now dark blues and grays, turned pearly in places by the glow of carefully tended fires from within and the light of the swollen moon. Had the events at lunch not happened, she might say that she was enjoying being out with a cute young man on a quiet night under the full moon.
just like before, when she was younger...no, that wasn't right, it was another boy on a hot summer night, standing with her on a balcony overlooking the ocean...
They halted on a bridge over one of the main canals. Azula looked out to sea and saw the dark outline of the Fire Nation ship against the field of stars, and anxiety once again pushed all other feelings aside.
“So, what do you think?”
Startled, she blinked at Sokka. “Hm?”
“The city. You wanted to see it.” He spread his arm out. “Now you see it. What do you think?”
“Oh. It's nice.”
Sokka narrowed his eyes. “All right, what's your deal, Azula?”
She stepped back, alarmed by the sudden change in his tone. “What do you mean?”
“Cut the act,” he scoffed. “I don't know what you've been up to in that hospital for the past six years, but clearly you suckered my sister into bringing you up here. This is all part of some big plan to overthrow your brother, isn't it?” He jabbed a gloved finger at her. “If it is, I swear I'll tie you up and dump you in the ocean.”
“I don't know what you're talking about!” she cried.
“Yeah, right. I don't believe that for a second. You probably figured out some way to use the moon's power to do...” He floundered a bit. “...something evil!”
She shook her head in vigorous denial. “Katara said I was unconscious. How could I fake that?”
“I'm sure you'd find a way.” But already his anger was subsiding. “I guess,” he said after a moment, “that Yue wouldn't help you if she thought you were going to hurt our tribe.”
That name again. It felt more familiar than the one everyone was calling her, a name that only seemed to garner derision and fear
“I don't remember anything before yesterday,” she said. “What did I do to make you so angry?”
He laughed a bitter laugh. “You want to know? Let's see. You tried to kill me. You tried to kill my sister. You almost did kill Aang, who is one of my best friends, not to mention the Avatar. And then you tried to kill Zuko, but when you couldn't you tried to kill Katara again, and was really badly hurt.” He threw his arms up. “You put my ex-girlfriend in a maximum security prison, you took over the biggest city in the Earth Kingdom and brought in an army to terrorize its citizens, and you gave your dad the idea to burn the entire world to the ground during Sozin's comet. Does that answer your question?”
Azula stared at him with her mouth open. All the names he had just thrown at her swirled through her head, a giant whirlpool of information with nothing to anchor to.
“Are you...are you seriously crying?” he asked.
She lifted a hand and touched her cheek. Her glove came away damp.
Sokka rubbed his forehead. “I don't believe this.” He exhaled, relaxed his arms, looked up and down the deserted path and empty canal, then back to her. “Let's just go back to the palace.”
Numb, she followed him back up the long staircase to the top where the palace stood. He left her by the entrance and strode back down, veering off a couple levels down toward a little home and disappearing inside.
Katara appeared at her side a moment later. “You're back. Everything okay?” Azula turned to her with cheeks still wet and she asked, “What happened?”
“Sokka told me I did some terrible things,” she answered softly. “That I tried to kill you and that I hurt some people. Is it true?”
Katara went rigid. “Yes.”
“Then...why did you help me?”
She stared at the ground, hugging her arms to herself. “I wanted to help your mother. She's been through a lot. I've never been able to just stand aside if there's something I can do to help.” Katara turned her face to the sky. “That's not just it, though. Right around the same time you got sick, I started having these dreams. Sometimes it was the moon, sometimes it was a white fish, sometimes it was Yue herself. But they always ended the same way, with me putting you in the spring in the Oasis.”
She began heading toward the stairs. “We had better get some sleep. The ship leaves early in the morning.”
After they went to their separate rooms, Azula lay down and shut her eyes, but sleep eluded her. She crept out of her room and down the hall to the window. Above, the moon glowed full and bright, calming her. She sat in its light until it finally set and the first pink rays of dawn lit the horizon.
Chapter 4: The Journey Home
At breakfast the next morning, the chief and his wife wished her a stiff and formal goodbye. Other than Katara, no one else was there. After the meal, Katara left to fetch her things from her room. Azula removed her coat and made to give it to Lady Aga, but the lady stopped her with a hand. “You can keep the coat. You'll need it until you reach warmer waters.” Her blue eyes were warm and soft, but still sad. Azula suddenly wished she could stay and do whatever it took to bring happiness to those eyes.
You can't, said a cold voice within her. You're not her daughter.
She had no time to dwell on that thought, as Katara showed up at that moment, her waterskin on one hip and a large satchel on the other. She led Azula all the way down to the edge of the moat that surrounded the palace, where a small silver barge with a flat bottom waited. “Sit right there with my bag.” she directed, pointing at a spot toward the front. Azula knelt there and Katara took up a position in the back. Fascinated, Azula watched her motion with her arms and the water responded. pushing the boat forward. As Katara's hands rose and fell, the water lifted the boat and carried it down each level of the city to the deep pools at its foot. Men and women lined up along the edge and pulled the water out, lowering them down the rest of the way to the level of the wall.
Another boat waited there, made of dark gray metal with a red emblem that looked like a stylized flame on it. Inside it sat two men in red, who averted their eyes as the two women floated out of the lock, though Azula caught glimpses of fear on their faces. They helped the two of them out of the barge and into their boat, and Katara resumed manipulating the water. As they approached the wall, men and women along the top moved their arms and a great tunnel opened up in the ice.
On the other side of the wall another ship lay anchored beside the Fire Nation vessel, wooden with green sails that bore a yellow circle inscribed with a square.
“What's that?” she asked Katara.
“Earth Kingdom merchant ship. My brother and Ambassador Irkuk booked passage on it to get back to Ba Sing Se. The capital city,” she added by way of explanation, and her tone grew hard. “You've been there before.” She didn't elaborate.
Behind them, another small boat emerged from the tunnel in the wall. Ambassador Irkuk sat in the stern and Sokka rowed them to the merchant ship with smooth strokes. He glanced their way, and Katara waved to him. Sokka waved back and Azula thought that for a moment his gaze fell on her, but it was hard to tell with the rapidly growing distance between them.
They pulled alongside the ship and the men helped her up the ladder, though they seemed reluctant to touch her. The metal deck clanged dully under their footsteps as Katara led her down inside the ship to a large, richly decorated room. That flame symbol was everywhere: on the crimson bedspread, on the gold trimmed red tapestries on the walls, even inscribed on the candles.
Once alone, Azula went to the tiny port window and looked out to the ocean. The Earth Kingdom vessel was within her view, and tiny figures on its deck were drawing the anchor and grabbing ropes. Under her feet the ship rumbled and began to move. The other vessel's sails filled with wind and it headed in the other direction, disappearing over the horizon.
*
The first few days of the journey, Azula's body trembled with energy nearly all the time, driving her to walk up and down the halls or pace along the railing of the deck, keeping her awake most of the night and day. Shortly after moonrise the first night, she found Katara on the deck near the bow, going through a series of motions that guided a huge bubble of water back and forth, up and down. While Azula watched, she summoned more water out of the sea until the bubble she manipulated was twice as big as either of them, dancing around her, threatening to burst at any second and drench them. Instead, Katara dropped it back into the sea and turned to Azula. “Everything okay?”
“Yes. It's just...I like watching you do that. With the water.”
Katara's eyebrows nearly reached her hair loops. “That's funny. You always acted like any bending other than firebending was weak and useless.” A realization seemed to hit her then. “Is it possible?”
“Is what possible?”
“Have you forgotten how to firebend?”
Azula tilted her head slightly to the side. “I used to firebend?”
Katara chuckled once, short and bitter. “Oh yeah. Not just fire. Lightning too. That's how...” She shook her head. “Never mind. Here, try to bend.”
Azula gave her a blank look, then stepped out on an angle, shifted her weight from one foot to the other and lifted her arm up, palm turning in, like she saw Katara do. The other woman burst into laughter. “No, no, you can't use a waterbending stance! Waterbending is pushing and pulling. Firebending uses more kicks and punches.” She demonstrated by planting her foot behind her and awkwardly thrusting her fist out.
Confused, Azula attempted to copy her, but there wasn't so much as a puff of smoke.
“Nothing. Huh.” Katara studied her. “Well, maybe it will come back with your memories.”
Azula pulled her coat tighter around her.
“What if they don't come back?” she asked. “The memories or the bending?”
Katara turned away.
“If I said I hope they will, then I'd be lying.”
*
When the moon entered its gibbous stage, they reached the mouth of a river and sailed southwest down it, passing banks lined with bare-branched trees. At one point they went under a long arching bridge, but Azula didn't ask what it was for.
The weather warmed little by little, finally reaching a point where Azula no longer needed the purple parka. She carefully folded it and stowed it in the trunk in her room. As the days passed, she was able to go to bed a little earlier and sleep a little longer, but the rest of the time was passed in silence and boredom. Even watching Katara practice no longer held appeal, as it only reminded her that she was missing something.
Other than at dinner, where she would eat quiet meals while Katara and the ship's captain talked of little nothings, she spent most of her time alone wandering the long stretch of deck or the empty halls. Where the rest of the crew was, she didn't know. Every so often she would cross paths with a sailor, who would bow deeply with a fist under a palm before hurrying away, never once looking at her. She'd almost rather be stared at; the feeling of being ostracized was a thousand times worse.
Unlike them, Katara had become less distant since their conversation the first night, even friendly. Azula sensed it was out of some kind of pity and that irritated her a bit. However, the waterbender was the closest thing she had to a friend, and she dreaded arriving in the Fire Nation even more because it meant that Katara would soon leave.
The fourth day of the journey they sailed into a lake, changed course from southeast to southwest, and headed down another river. Little groups of green-roofed buildings dotted the shore, and smaller boats sailed in and out of the docks along the banks. The moon had waned to a semi-circle by the time they reached another ocean and veered north along the shore, finally pulling into a resort town where the crew could take a little rest while the ship was restocked with coal and supplies for the final leg of the trip.
As the ship pulled into port, Katara knocked on Azula's door. “Do you want to come down to the market with me? Get off the boat for a little while?”
“No, thank you.”
“Okay. I'll see you when I get back then.” Katara turned to go.
“Wait.” Azula stood up “I think I will go.”
“Okay, then.” With an encouraging smile Katara led the way up to the deck, but Azula stopped again and she turned with a raised eyebrow.
“On second thought, maybe I should stay here.”
Katara's smile was fraying around the edges. “Fine, just make up your mind.” She sighed. “Are you worried about people looking at your hair?”
“A little.”
“Want to wear a cloak then? You've got one with a hood.”
Duly outfitted, Azula followed Katara off the ship and up the main thoroughfare of the town. Katara bought a peach at one stand, inspected some carved figures at another, tried on a scarf at a third.
“Hey,” she said, her eyes lighting up, “there's a spa belonging to some Fire Nation people up the way. This used to be one of their colonies and they were among those who chose to stay. Want to go?”
Azula held back. “I don't know.”
Katara took her hand and squeezed it. “You'll have to face some of your own people sometime. This would be good practice. They might not recognize you, anyway.”
After hesitating a moment longer, Azula conceded.
The spa was a lovely place, large windows open to the air, simple furnishings, smiling staff. Winter was slowly giving way to spring; the trees had begun to bud and a warm breeze played through the room. Katara stepped behind a screen and emerged wrapped in a light robe, with her hair in a towel. She stretched out on one of the massage tables, resting on her belly, the robe pushed down around her waist just far enough for the masseuse to work on the muscles.
As Azula was about to move behind the screen to take off the cloak and the rest of her clothing, she happened to glance out the window. The road they had come up stretched down to the docks, their ship at the end of it.
It was so familiar. Her forehead creased as she tried to remember why she felt like she had been here before...
Then it came to her.
Azula darted out of the spa and fled down the street, the hood of her cloak flying back, her white hair streaming behind her, oblivious to the stares of the villagers. She ran up the ramp of the ship, down into the hold, and to her cabin. Panting, she threw herself on her bed, not sure if the rapid beating of her heart was from the exertion, or the memory.
Not long after, a knock sounded on her door, though it was open. Katara stood in the doorway, looking worried.
“Sorry,” Azula said, sitting up. “I shouldn't have run off like that.”
“It's okay, I'm not mad.” Katara took a seat on the bed and folded her hands in her lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Despite her growing trust in the other woman, it still was hard for Azula to speak. “I remembered that spa. I've been there before. I found my brother and my uncle there and I was supposed to capture them and take them home.”
“Your memory is coming back faster than I expected.”
“There's still a lot I don't remember. That was the first time a memory came that I could hold on to.” Azula started down at her hands, clasped together tight enough to make the knuckles white. “What if I become like that girl again?”
“You can't change the past,” Katara said softly, “But you're not trapped by it either. Everyone has a choice. So do you. Choose who you want to be.”
Chapter 5: The Prodigal Returns
The ship coasted past two statues of the same grim-looking man dressed in ornate robes, which Katara named “the Gates of Azulon”, though Azula couldn't figure out why it was called a gate. Not long after that, the white stone of a plaza caught their attention, shining brightly in the midday sun.
“You don't seem happy,” Katara said.
“I don't know how to feel,” Azula replied.
“It'll be okay.” Katara peered at the harbor with a hand shading her eyes. “I think the welcoming committee is here.”
Along the dock, a palanquin surrounded by servants and courtiers waited. Its curtains did not allow anyone a view of who was inside. A second one rested behind it with curtains drawn, empty and waiting.
The next events seemed like they were in slow motion: the ship gradually pulling up to the dock, the ramp slowly being lowered down, Azula's feet carrying her toward the waiting group one heavy step at a time. She did not wear her cloak, having decided to herself earlier that she would enter her country uncovered, and she saw people turn to each other and whisper just before bowing low.
Now the two of them stood in front of the near palanquin, and a slim hand was emerging from within to push aside the curtains. The hand was protruding from a deep red robe trimmed and belted in a darker red. A matching red flame perched on a topknot at the crown of the head, while more brown hair tumbled over shoulders and back. A pair of amber eyes bordered by faint lines blinked over a straight nose and a pair of lips that were now parting to whisper, “Azula?” With that word the features pulled together into a whole, a woman gazing at her in stunned silence.
“Azula,” Katara began, “this is the Lady Ursa, your mother.” To Ursa she explained,“She's having trouble with her memory.”
Azula felt like snapping at her that she could speak for herself, but her irritation faded as quickly as it came.
“How are you feeling?” Ursa asked her.
Like I'd rather be anywhere else but here, Azula thought. She met her mother's eyes, recalling what Katara had said.
She's been through a lot.
Azula took Ursa's hand in her own. “I'm fine, Mother. I'm happy to be home.” The lie slid easily from her tongue.
Ursa squeezed her daughter's hand, then touched Katara's arm. “Thank you. It would take me lifetimes to repay you for all you have done.”
“I'm just happy I could help,” she replied softly.
A flurry of activity began then, ending with Azula and Katara ushered into the second palanquin, following Ursa's retinue up the long, steep road to the caldera where the palace was.
“I hate this part,” sighed Katara, perching on the pillows as if they burned. “I'd rather walk. I'm just too much the simple village girl for this.”
Azula kept quiet. Though everything was so strange and new, she had to admit this part didn't bother her.
*
In the grand foyer of the palace, an elderly man met the procession. “Chamberlain Yun,” said Ursa by way of greeting.
He bowed to her. “Lady Ursa.” Then he bowed to the two younger women in turn. “Princess Azula. Master Katara. Princess, it is a joy to see you home and with improved health. The Fire Lord requests your presence in his throne room.”
His throne room! Said a voice from far in the back of Azula's mind, throwing her off just the tiniest bit. No one seemed to notice.
As they approached the great double doors, her heart inexplicably began to beat like a train picking up momentum. Katara and the chamberlain stepped aside so that she could follow Ursa in. Inside, her throat went dry, too dry for it to just be the heat from the wall of fire burning on the other end of the room. She willed her hands not to tremble. Wildly she searched her mind for a reason for feeling this way, but everything was happening so fast that she couldn't focus enough to dredge up the memory. Her attention narrowed, centered on the silhouette behind the wall of flame burning orange and yellow in front of her.
So intent was Azula that she didn't notice right away that other people were also waiting there, until Katara gave a cry and sped up.
“Aang!”
Suddenly she saw; a young man in a robe and shawl that matched the flames, holding a staff, which he set aside to open his arms to Katara. They embraced, and as he brushed her lips with his own, Azula got a better look at the strange mark that started on his forehead and ran over his scalp and down his neck.
It was an arrow.
Azula staggered back, her chest feeling too tight for her to breathe. Images flooded her mind: a chase among green-roofed buildings, thick shed fur on a forest floor, a towering wall, a huge machine bearing down on it, spinning and grinding, a cavern sparkling with green crystals and rushing water, lightning zinging from her fingers to strike down a bald boy with glowing eyes...
A boy, now a man, who was looking at her strangely. The Avatar.
And above them on the dais the seated figure stood, the flames dying down before him. Now instead of obscuring his features the light illuminated them: chin length hair half pulled up into a knot that was crowned with a five-pronged flame, a strong jaw that ended in a pointy chin much like her own, two gold eyes, one partially closed by the thick, knotted flesh that circled it and ran up into his hairline.
The Fire Lord.
Zuko.
Now she had a face to put with the name, but it was all wrong. Inside her someone was screaming Nonononono, and someone else was panicking, and she couldn't tell which one was really her. Waves of intense heat followed by sudden chills overpowered her, and her body refused to respond to her commands. Her vision blurred, then went black.
*
She woke up to a cool cloth on her forehead and Katara's water-covered hands at her temples. As she blinked, her vision cleared, and she saw that she was in bed, under a crimson canopy. She tried to sit up.
“No, no.” Katara soothed her back down. “You have a fever. Doesn't seem too bad, but you need to rest. It seems to be stemming from some conflict deep inside you.”
“How long was I out?” she asked.
“Most of the day. It's past sunset now. Do you want something to drink?”
Azula shook her head and Katara nodded. “All right. Get some rest then, I'll check on you after a while. Your mother has been asking after you, do you want her to visit?”
“If she wants.” Just as Katara was about to leave, she said, “What about my brother? Does he still want to see me?”
Katara turned back, framed by the doorway, but she did not look up to meet Azula's gaze. “He didn't say.” Then she closed the door.