I need advice

[c0de_e]

Okay, I've been watching this community for quite awhile, yet this is my first post. I'm not sure if this is the right place for this post or not, so please just bear with me. About 4 months ago, my partner and I helped my mother move in with us. She has a long terrible history with having a extreme alcohol problem that has lasted most of my life.

Comments

[sourdick]

My partners mom was heading in this direction. A diagnosed shizophrenic who refused to take her meds.

Regardless of the fact this is way out of the scope of this community, but you need to talk to your mom, your partner, and a therapist. Maybe not in that order. Your mom seems to treat you like crap, yet you make a point several times to say how much you love her. Even though you were 11 and forced to take care of her, blurring the child-parent relationship, what exactly about her do you love? Just the physical act of giving birth to you?

See a therapist, kick your mom out, and save your relationship. (I think this is what you want to do, but you're just looking for some sort of reassurance or justification).

I am loathe to say this, but luckily my mother-in-law passed away. Otherwise I fear I'd have been in this exact same situation.

Good luck~

[sourdick]

Also, learn how to make some damn paragraphs. This isnt 4th grade.

[rogonandi]

This is kind of hard to read, so you may want to break this up into paragraphs so that you won't get bitched at by the other members of this community.

As far as your problem goes, personally I think your Mom is abusing her position as parent so that she could mooch off of you. It's not like you're living in her house, she's living in yours so I think you have to step up and tell your Mom about these problems you're having with her.

She's going to try some manipulative shit on you, but don't bow down to it. You and your partner are the masters of the house here, so act like it. She's clearly worn out her welcome, so either make her get another job so she can pull her weight, or tell her to get out.

Don't worry about her, I'm sure she'll find someone else to sponge off of pretty quickly.

[artkouros]

Guess what - your mom is probably not going to get better.

So the question you need to ask yourself is do you want to be doing this for the next 50 years? Only you can make that choice.

But you also have the upper hand. Tell her she can come back one final time, but she has to enter a program of some sort (AA, for instance) and she has to make progress. Give her a definite time limit, say 3 or 6 months.

Get yourself and your partner to something like AlAnon where you can get support and input from people who know a lot more about this than people in this group.

[glamthasil]

I think part of the problem with you taking her in is that you never established guidelines/rules/conditions for her being there in the first place. She reached out to you then because she needed help, which is a tremendous step, but the follow-through and safeguards weren't really there. That can make it easier to backslide.

And oh gosh, alcoholism is such a tricky disease. Please contact a therapist and/or a social worker in your area. I suspect most of us here don't have the expertise to help you cope with it.