Anyone want to give me some feedback?

[avon]

I am working on a novel.  I think most of you know that because I talked about World Building June over on tumblr before.  The novel is nominally a present for my kids, but I suspect they will graduate college before it is done. Anyway

Comments

[lorelei_sakai]

I thought about this way too much this morning

[lorelei_sakai]

It seems like there are two parallel stories you could tell here: 1) Skylar goes on a quest and finds a way to rescue the ship; and 2) crew on the Spero wait, worry, and try to keep things going until rescue arrives. You can switch viewpoints to tell these stories interleaved with each other. But I think ultimately spending more time focused on Skylar's story means less time with the rest of the ship. And how much really is there for the rest of the crew on the Spero to do? There are a lot of side stories you could tell about the crew, but they aren't really part of Skylar's story so leaving them out of this book seems better.

An exception is that whoever Skylar is communicating with on the Spero will be an important part of her story line (at least until she loses contact).

[avon]

Hello! Wow! Thank you for your thinking and not one but TWO comments

[avon]

ARGH. I totally wrote a long reply and livejournal ATE IT.

Let me try again.

First off, I love the idea of her volunteering. That is perfect for her. :)

Second, I had a long explanation about the planet search. Probably is not worth retyping unless you want a long explanation of the proterozoic period on Earth. Suffice to say, good planets are hard to find. :) Anyway. :)

Finally, you are right. Her lifeline - the way she communicates with the ship - her contact back there - is absolutely an important part of the story. I will have to think more about how I use that.

THANK YOU for not one, but TWO thoughtful comments! I really appreciate it! :)

[avon]

Well, looks like that comment appeared! Weird!

[trobadora]

I think part of it may just be the phrasing? Try to phrase all the individual sentences from Skylar's POV. How about:

(1) Skylar volunteers for a dangerous mission to try and save the ship, but barely manages to survive when [something goes wrong].
(2) Skylar pulls herself together and goes out on a second mission, but pushes too far in her determination not to fail again, leaving her lost.
(3) Trying to save herself, Skylar crashes on a hostile planet.

[avon]

This is a really good idea! It does very much change the feel. Thank you!

[trobadora]

I'm glad it helps!

Another thing I like to do, to make sure my characters are active and not just being moved across the chessboard by the plot, is look at every section (part/chapter/scene) as someone making a choice. Big or small, something that moves the story along on its path. (And if no one makes any choices - even if only to acknowledge the facts or stick their head in the sand, which btw totally counts as a plot-significant decision - it probably doesn't need to be there.)

[avon]

That's good advice. I took a writing class at the beginning of the year where the writer urged us to to not only think about choices, but also transactions - and what is the coin of the transaction. It definitely adds an intensity to the story. BUT, I had forgotten that advice, so this is a great reminder to think about as I work on my outline. Thank you!

[incandescent]

I really like the second idea. It feels much stronger than the first, and more complete. In fact, it seems to me to have all the right seeds for a tragedy. Such as: Skylar finds the planet of her dreams when she crashes on it, but having lost all systems and having no way to contact the Spero, she is stuck there without any way to save her race.

It could even be two books, wherein book 1 we learn about the mission and maybe the politics and issues driving Skylar to take such risks (does she have a lover on the ship she needs to save? is she a zealot committed to a religious cause like 'salvation'?), and then in book 2 she fights to survive on this dream planet and finally reaches her people again. Like... Mary Doria Russell's Sparrow, a bit. (You can use flashbacks and natural disasters to fill up space in acts 2 and 3, btw.)

Anyway, that's what came to me just now. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, as it's late here. I think your outline is wonderful! And the story sounds great!

xo - lamarrey

[avon]

Oh gosh. The Sparrow. Now you have me intimidated. That book is SO GOOD. I have like three copies on my shelf so I have extras to lend to people.

Heh, making it a tragedy. That would be very true to my character as a writer - here, have this character, now I am going to kill them. My kids (who this book is nominally written for!) would murder me. :)

I have an vague idea for as second book - exploring the planet that they found - but, one thing at a time.

THANK YOU so much for the encouragement and ideas to mull over. :) (I friended you by the way, and I'd love to see your stuff!)

[incandescent]

I tried to friend you back, but I'm on mobile so I hope it worked! I don't really write for children. I have tried but... I get real dark real fast haha.

I'd love to know what you think about my stuff!

So have you started this one yet? I seem to recall that you had something else in the offing, too.

[avon]

Hi

[billporn]

The whole concept looks wonderful.

I'd think about the opportunity you have with the character and loss.

The hull breach could have cost her family, friends, or both.  She may volunteer in the hopes that nothing like that will happen again.

I'll think on it more, but I believe you are heading in the right direction.

Say hi to Lesley for me!

[avon]

Wow!!! It is great to hear from you!

Thank you for the feedback. My thought on the loss was to actually do the opposite - everyone she knows knows someone who was killed or hurt in the disaster, but she doesn't know anyone directly. This is an incredilby odd feeling for her - putting her at odds with everyone around her, making her feel more than a bit guilty and left out.

Trying to make it right for everyone else is a motive. (though, honestly, she is more than a bit of a daredevil and she does not need to much of a motive to go out and do something dangerous and stupid.)

Does that make sense?

(Oh, and BTW, Leslie says hi back!)