Good lord, lady. You SLAY me with these self/identity posts. They're hilarious, but I definitely always get that pinging little *cringe* of recognition.
Right down to that certain "physical expressiveness." Eeeesh.
I think those of us with a compulsion (or at least a desire) to perform tend to have a certain over-the-top-ness to our personalities. A certain "Hey! look at me! I'm interesting! Like me!" and although it can be cringe-worthy sometimes, I've learned that that is the essence of what makes people good performers. You kind of have to be willing to be "beyond normal" if you're going to entertain.
The interesting thing about being "normal" (at least on the exterior) is that life is easier. There are more doors open to you. People are more open to you.
It's like I never realized I was swimming against the current until I changed direction and was like "oh wow..."
Well god knows I've been doing enough traveling in the past three years. Told someone recently. "It's sort of how I'm avoiding life...but it's an AWESOME way to avoid life!"
Thank you. It has been a strange journey for me. About a year ago, I decided I was sick of living the way I was living and decided I needed to do something about it. After a year of therapy, psychiatry, drugs, diets, supplements, etc, I'm actually feeling okay again (ie. Not paranoid and full of self-doubt.) I'm not sure what person or pill did it, but something worked.
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Right down to that certain "physical expressiveness." Eeeesh.
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I think those of us with a compulsion (or at least a desire) to perform tend to have a certain over-the-top-ness to our personalities. A certain "Hey! look at me! I'm interesting! Like me!" and although it can be cringe-worthy sometimes, I've learned that that is the essence of what makes people good performers. You kind of have to be willing to be "beyond normal" if you're going to entertain.
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I admit I was intrigued by your tale of hiding out as a normal person, and wondered what that would be like for me. whoah.
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It's like I never realized I was swimming against the current until I changed direction and was like "oh wow..."
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I find travel is usually a good way to reset the self-expectation thing.
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I don't even know who you are. But you're kinda telling my story.
Which I'm sure it's yours too. but I'm crazy as well.
And I think you're a cool person.
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Like 'Wow, my life is wonderful!'
For example.
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Best of luck to you, as well!
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And I feel this WHOLE POST. Preach on, sista.
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