WDWGFH part 7
** indicates thoughts by others
Another birthday is going by without being noticed by those around me. It’s kinda sad, but I’m used to it. Ok, so I’m a little more depressed than usual, but that’s probably cuz it’s my twenty-first and that’s supposed to be like some huge coming of age thing. But it’s not like I actually ever told them when my birthday was, so I shouldn’t expect them to know about it. Ah well, I need to stop pitying myself now; I mean things are supposed to start going well in my life now, right? So next year I’ll have the best birthday ever.
“Faith, you ready?” B shouts from down the hall.
“Yeah, just a sec,” I yell back, pulling on my boots. We’re supposed to be leaving to go on one of those ferries down the Thames in about, well, now actually. Then we’re gonna have a picnic at some park. Sounds like fun, not what I woulda planned for my twenty-first, but fun nonetheless.
“Ya sure you wanna wear those, Faith?” B asks as she looks at my boots. “We’re probably gonna be walking a lot.”
“Huh? These?” I ask, pointing at the boots, and smiling back at B. At least she seems genuinely concerned about my well being, and that’s always a good thing. “B, I was practically born in boots, I’m sure I can handle it.”
She just smiles at me as she and Willow link arms and walk out the door. They’re talking intently about something, I can’t make anything out though. I really wish I knew what those two were up to. They were acting oddly all night, like they’re plotting something, and I don’t like it. Like I told Robin, not big on the surprises.
It takes us like twenty minutes to get to the docks. Apparently Giles had come down here earlier today and bought the tickets, which was a good idea, seeing as the line to get tickets was really long. Since we already have tickets, we get to bypass the line and head straight to the ferry boat thing.
“You guys go on up, I be right there,” Giles says, motioning us to go on without him and then he goes to talk to someone.
I practically run on board, heading straight for the top. Buffy and Willow are right behind me, just walking and apparently still talking about something they don’t want me to hear. Damn, I hate that, but whatever. I just go and sit in one of the seats near the back. I look up and they’re standing at the front, still talking. Then they stop and Buffy walks toward me, but Will stays where she is. Ok, what’s up?
She smiles at me as she walks past and sits in the seat behind me. Then she crosses her arms on the back of my chair and rests her chin on my shoulder so her face is right next to mine. Ok, closeness is making me all tingly again.
“Happy birthday,” she whispers in my ear. Oh God! She knows it’s my birthday! Wait, how does she know it’s my birthday? Ah, fuck it, doesn’t matter.
“You know it’s my birthday?” I ask, beaming. I jump up and I would have knocked her over if it weren’t for Slayer reflexes, you gotta love those.
“Yeah, I hear you’re turning twenty-one, and that’s like a big deal, right?” She stands up and faces me, then pulls something out of her pocket. “I gotcha something.”
She hands me two tickets. I’m a little confused at first, but then I read them. How fuckin’ cool is this?! “Rasputina tickets? You got us front row Rasputina tickets for tonight?!” I ask, jumping up and down.
“Yeah, I’ve heard you singing their stuff in the shower, I figured you like them,” she smiles. “Besides,” she shrugs. “I saved her ass a couple of years ago when she came to the Bronze and she owed me. We’ve got back stage passes as well.”
“Fuck B! Do you realize how much I love you right now?!”
*Well, I was kinda hoping you’d show me just how much you loved me after the concert tonight.*
I kinda jump back in shock, I probably have a really confused expression on my face right now. “Huh?” is all I can get out. Did she actually just say that? I didn’t see her lips move, not that I was just looking at her lips. Ok, so I was, but… Did she just say that?
“Oh God!” B gasps. “You just heard what I thought?”
“And you just heard what I thought?” I ask; surprised, confused, happy, and hopeful all at once.
“Willow!” we shout in unison.
“Huh? What’s wrong?” she asks as she walks over, but she’s smiling; she knows what happened.
“Thoughts. Hearing,” B states, moving her finger between the two of us.
“Ah, so the side affects are kicking in then, huh?” She just smiles at us knowingly. “Good to hear.”
Just as she gets over to us, people start getting on the ferry, so we move into the back corner for some privacy. “So, what were you guys thinking when it went all kabluee?” Will asked, smiling brightly at us.
“Uh, um,” Buffy stammers. She looks back into my eyes and smiles shyly. God, I love those eyes. When she looks at me like that I feel all, mmm, no words can describe it.
*Ditto.* This is odd. I mean, I wanna be with B and all, but I don’t want her in my head all the time.
*Ditto again.* Ok, stop now, B. You’re gonna drive me nuts. *Sorry, I’ll try.*
“Um, nothing you need to know about, Will,” B says, smiling wickedly.
“Oh, those kind of thoughts,” Will squeaks. “And you thought you could hide your feelings. Yay, I’m all giddy!”
“Ah, there you are,” Giles says, sitting down next to us. “What have you three been up to?”
“Nothin’,” we all say at once.
“Happy birthday, Faith,” Giles says and I just nod in acknowledgement.
“How did you guys know it was my birthday, anyway?” I ask, truly interested in how they’d found out.
*Passport.*
“Ah, got it,” I say out loud before I realize that this probably confused Giles.
“Wait, did one of you say something?” Yeah, knew that’d confuse him.
“They can hear each others thoughts now,” Will explains, smiling more.
“Oh, I see,” he says thoughtfully, taking off his glasses. “What, may I ask, triggered it?”
“You’re really better off not knowing, believe me,” B says pointedly, me and Red just giggle. I really never giggled until just recently, it’s odd, the affect that B has on me.
“For some reason, I think I should believe you,” Giles mutters, wiping his glasses.
Then apparently he has something he wants to talk to Buffy about away from me, cuz he pulls her over to the other side. Maybe it was something about my birthday; a present, perhaps? This whole day has been amazing. It’s like this morning, I thought I had nothing, then a couple of minutes ago, POW! It turns out my friends know it’s my birthday, and B likes me.
Wow, she likes me! She really, really likes me. Fuck, I’m all giddy, this so isn’t like me. But what if she doesn’t REALLY like me, like I like her, like me? I mean, no one’s ever REALLY liked me, just me for me and nothing else, before. Why should she be any different? Why should she like me, with everything I’ve done to her? I don’t deserve her, I don’t deserve this life.
*Whoa, slow down there Speedy! Of course she likes you. Stop doubting yourself, Faith.*
“Wait, you can get in my head too?” I ask, surprised and turn towards Willow.
*Well, duh, it’s called telepathy. I used to do it a lot while patrolling with Buffy and Xander.*
“Ok, stop it won’t you! It’s bad enough with B and myself in my head; I don’t need another person getting involved with my thought process.”
“Ok, sorry, jeez!” Will says as she stands up. “I’m serious though, Faith. Stop with the self-doubting, it’s not a good thing. I know that you more than like Buffy; I’m actually pretty sure that you’ve been in love with her for a fairly long time-though you did have an odd way of showing it. I’m not totally sure that Buffy loves you, because she hasn’t loved anyone since Angel, but she definitely REALLY likes you. I don’t think she’s felt the feelings she has for you since the beginning of her relationship with Angel. I can tell.”
“How can you tell?” I ask. I’m pretty sure that everything that Will is saying is true, but I really need as much reassurance as she can give me right now.
“I’m her best friend,” she says, sitting down and putting her arm over my shoulders. “It’s my job to know these things. It’s what I do. It’s been so obvious the last few weeks it almost makes me laugh. Whenever she talks about you, she gets this happy nervous energy: she starts playing with things on her hands or her hair; and when you enter the room, her eyes light up. I haven’t seen her like this in a long time, and it makes me really happy that she’s finally found someone who makes her happy again. You guys should talk. I’ll do something with Giles.”
I just nod as she gets up to go over to where B and Giles are talking. I vaguely hear her say something about going to get tea; I’m not really paying too much attention, too many other things to think about. Then Will and Giles leave and B starts heading in my direction.
“Got a lot on your mind?” B asks and I just nod. “Well, we can talk or we can sit here and I can just listen to everything you’re thinking.”
“Nah, that’s ok,” I say, smiling at her weakly. “This whole mind reading thing is really giving me the heebie-jeebies.”
“You seem worried about something,” B says, tilting her head a little, so she can see my face better. I just shrug. “Talk to me Faith, tell me everything. I want to know everything that’s on your mind, and I want you to know that you can always tell me anything. You can trust me, Faith.”
“I know I can trust you, that’s not what’s worrying me,” I tell her reassuringly. “It’s just; us. I want there to be an us so badly. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted there to be an us. But I don’t know how you feel, and all I want is to make you happy, cuz when you’re happy, I’m happy.”
“You make me happy, Faith. Right now, I think you’re all I need to be happy. As for an us,” Buffy pauses, takes my hand and lies her head on my shoulder. “Of course I want there to be an us. Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot,” I say and start caressing her forehead.
“When did you start liking me?” she asks, looking up at me.
I smile down at her thoughtfully for a bit before answering. “Seriously? I don’t remember. When I was younger, I used to have these dreams about a beautiful blonde woman who went around slaying creatures of darkness and saving the innocent. I used to wish that you’d come and save me from my life and from myself. You were my fairytale princess and knight in shining armor all rolled into one. It’s kinda funny now, thinking back on it. I stopped having them when I moved in with Nonnina. I think that’s because with her I felt safe, and you had always been my safety.”
“Nonnina?”
“My Grandma, remember, the one with the piano,” I reply *oh* and give her a kiss on the top of the head. “My mom was put in rehab when I was nine, so I moved in with Nonnina. Some of the best years of my life. But when I was twelve they said my mom was all better, so I had to go back, which sucked because she started doing drugs again after about a month. Eventually she ODed, then my Watcher found me.”
“Did your Grandma die?”
“No. She moved back to Italy,” I say, then I smile a bit. “Still could be alive and kickin’ for all I know.”
“Did I ever rescue you?”
“Huh?” I ask confused.
“In your dreams, did I ever come and rescue you from your evil mother?” she asks with a wicked smile on her face.
“A few times, yeah,” I say, smiling more, then I kiss her forehead again. “You’d come and sweep me off my feet. My own fucked up fairytale.”
“That’s so romantic!” she says, grinning even more.
“Yeah, I have my moments,” I whisper, resting my cheek on her head, then I start toying with her hair. And here I am, several years later, being swept off my feet by her once again. It all seems so, I don’t know, I guess surreal is the right word. Most of my life’s been shit, but the last few weeks have been heaven. I feel like I’m just dreaming again; like in a few minutes someone will wake me up and it will all be shit again.
“You’re not dreaming Faith, this is real,” Buffy whispers. Then she stands up and goes to the back of the ferry, watching the world pass behind it. I go up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. This is all so beautiful, she’s so beautiful. I don’t belong here, I can’t, I’ll just screw up and ruin her life again. How can’t this be happening? I must be dreaming.
“Well, if this is just your dream, I hope you never wake up,” she whispers. Then she turns her head and kisses me gently. “Will’s right, stop doubting yourself.”
“Buffy, you’re amazing, you know that, right?”
“Lots of people have told me that, but it’s never seemed as meaningful as now,” Buffy muses, her hands on mine. “It’s not everyday that someone who’s tried to kill you, been put in a coma by you, and literally been in your body, says you’re amazing. But you’re amazing too, the Chosen Two, remember?”
*I want so badly to love her. I know she loves me, but I don’t know what I feel. Is it love? I’m not sure. She’s such a beautiful, wonderful person…woman. She deserves someone who loves her. Wait, is that why I’m not sure if I love her or not, because she’s a woman?*
“Hey, Buffy, stop beatin’ yourself up. It’s ok, really,” I say as I pull her tighter. Then we just stand there for a few minutes in complete silence, neither of us even think anything. But I, of course, have to ruin this beautiful, perfect moment, cuz that’s what I do. “Buffy, is this alright? I mean, it doesn’t freak you out too much, does it?”
*Oh wow, she keeps saying my name. I’m so used to her saying B or Blondie. I love it when she calls me Buffy.*
“Would you like it if I always called you Buffy?” I ask quietly.
“Occasionally yeah, but not always,” she whispers back with a nod. “I like B, it’s like just a you thing; no one else has ever called me that. And no, I’m not freaked. I mean, my best friend is a lesbian, how can this freak me out? And besides, its you, and we’ve always had this; thing, ya know?”
“A thing?” I ask with a smirk.
“Yeah, a thing,” she sighs. Then she lays her head on my chest and closes her eyes. I rest my head on top of hers and close my eyes as well. Then she sighs again and starts to shake like she’s laughing inside.
“What?” I ask and move my head to look down at her.
“No, don’t move, you’re comfy.”
And then I do hear laughing from behind us. “Ah, they’re so cute!”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Giles says in his British way. I’d bet you the leather pants I’m wearing right now that he took off and wiped his glasses when he walked over here and saw us.
“Hey guys,” Will says as she comes up behind us. “Am I interrupting something?”
“Very funny Red,” I chide. Yes, yes you did interrupt something, the most wonderful moment of my life. That’s what you interrupted.
“Sorry, we’ll just go over there then,” she says, pointing down the boat. Then she grabs Giles by the wrist and drags him off.
“Really?” Buffy asks me after they walk off. I feel my face heat up as it gets red.
“How do you make me blush so much, B?” I ask in mock anger. “No one else has ever made me blush.”
“Just a talent, I guess.” I can feel her smile into my chest. Just standing here, holding her means more to me than anything I’ve ever done with any man or woman in my life. I’ve been waiting all my life to hold her like this. I feel more at home in her arms than I ever have in Boston, Sunnydale, LA, anywhere. I feel like I belong here, with her; wherever she is, I belong there. She’s my home. I smile at that thought, and so does Buffy.
“I love hearing you think. Why didn’t you tell me you were such a romantic before?” Great, and now I’m blushing again. “No, I’m serious, you sound like you should be writing poetry or something.”
I do. Oh, shit, that’s just what I need. Now she knows I write poetry too.
“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you? Can I read some of it?”
“No, it’s not worth sharing.” She starts to tickle my stomach and I twitch and start laughing. “Ok, ok, just stop. It’s all at Angel’s. But it sucks, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“I’m sure you’re just being modest.”
“Whatever you say B.”
“You two done?” Willow asks, walking back over to us. “Cuz it’s time for us to get off.”
“Yeah, sure Red,” I acknowledge Willow, but I still only see Buffy. “We were just digressing to tickling anyways.”
*****
Much like our little cruise down the Thames, I didn’t notice much of our walk to the park, or the park itself for that matter, my eyes were…occupied. I’ve never really been one for sight seeing anyways. While walking hand in hand with Buffy, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. I really hope the two of us are retiring from this Slayer gig, cuz I’m dead the first time I patrol with her. I wouldn’t notice a vamp sitting on top of me if she was near by.
We find a nice shady spot under a tree; cuz, you know, London’s so sunny. Giles pulls a blanket out of the bag he’d been carrying. Damn, he’s like fuckin Mary Poppins, shit keeps comin outta that bag like it’s a bottomless pit.
“Great, I’m dating a sailor,” Buffy huffs.
“Girl, you already knew what you were gettin with this package,” I state, running my hand up and down my body like I’m fuckin Vana White showing off a prize. *And what a package it is* “Why thank you, B.”
“Any time, F.”
“Hey, what’s that?” I ask, noticing the brightly colored bags that Willow’s carrying for the first time.
“Buffy, you’re not just dating a sailor, I’m afraid you’re dating a dummy too,” Willow teases.
“Oh no you didn’t. I’m gonna kick your pretty ass for that one, Red.” I move to get Willow, but Buffy grabs me from behind, turns me around and kisses me hard. I moan a little from being caught off guard and she pulls away. “What were we talking about?”
“Presents, dummy,” Buffy teases. “And no more calling other people’s asses pretty.”
“You forgot to mention she was a possessive one, Red.”
“Sorry, but I figured you’d have caught on to that by now.”
“Well, I always was a little slow, right B?”
“Yup, I think I beat her up one too many times, maybe we should get that checked out.” Ah, thanks B.
“Can we get to presents now?” Willow asks.
“Bring ‘em.”
“Oh, mine first,” Giles says, handing me a bright pink bag with violet tissue paper.
“Nice wrapping, G,” I laugh, examining the bag with an amused half grin.
“Yes, well, I was given little warning and this is all could find,” he defends himself.
“Cool it Giles, it’s all good. Don’t judge a book by its cover, yeah?” I smile at him as I start ruffling through the paper.
“Indeed.”
“Indeed,” I reply as I pull out…a book. A very old looking book; but hey, this is Giles. It’s not like he was gonna get me Play Station or something.
“It’s a book about demons and the supernatural in ancient Italy,” he explains, pointing to the cover. “I haven’t read the whole thing, but I figured, with your heritage, you might find it interesting.”
“Thanks G, really, I appreciate it,” I say with a smile, but they all look at me doubtingly. “No, I’m serious, it’s great. Why does everyone just assume I hate to read?”
“Maybe it was all those comic books I found in your apartment,” Buffy teases.
“Or the fact that you dropped out of school,” Willow adds, just for good measure.
“Ok, ouch, that stung.” I rub my arm like she just punched me. “But I got my GED, so it’s all cool, yeah?”
“Oh my God! You got your GED?” Buffy asks, face beaming. “When?”
“In jail,” I shrug. “I was bored in there, figured I might as well do some good. Besides, the shrink said it would probably help me get an early release date; not that that matters, what with Wes breakin me out and everything.”
“It’s nice to know he’s doing some good for a change,” Giles smiles, like he’s a father feeling slightly proud after hearing news of a son he disowned years ago. “Instead of screwing everything up.”
“Wes? He’s a good man,” I shrug. “Nothing like a stint on the dark side to help you see the light,” I say sagely and they all nod in agreement. Wow, so much has happened with these guys since the first time around. They’re not the same people anymore; hell, I’m not the same person I was then either.
“Killing someone, it just does stuff to you, completely changes your perception of right and wrong,” Willow adds. Me and Watcher man nod while Buffy kind of just looks away. It’s difficult to remember that of all the people sitting her, she’s the only one who hasn’t taken a life, a human life I mean. Willow went all freaky last year, and she told me about Giles and that Ben/Glory hell god thing. Plus, I’ve heard stories about Ripper. Man, did I miss a lot while I was locked away.
*I’ve killed too, but nobody thinks about it. They just overlook it.* Buffy tells me quietly, then shakes her head and looks away again.
What? I’m so confused right now. What did I miss while I was away?
“I’ll tell you later,” Buffy whispers to me and the other two just look at her oddly. Well this is certainly unexpected. But enough with this shit.
“As fun as this ‘share n grow’ session has been, guys, can we move on? Presents, remember?” A little helpful shove in the right direction never hurt anyone.
“Oh, yeah. Um, here,” Willow says, handing me a skinny box. I open it and inside is a silver chain with a thin piece of obsidian in an oval. Wow, it’s beautiful. “It’s for tomorrow, I figure, since you’re not wearing black, you could have a little bit of black to add color, or lack there of, or whatever. I just wasn’t sure what to get you, being such short notice and all, and I saw this and figured you’d like it, but if you don’t, I completely understand.”
“It’s great, Red, I love it,” I cut into her babble, giving her a reassuring smile.
“Wait, you’re not wearing black?” Buffy asks, like it’s completely changed her world. “What are you wearing?”
“Nah uh, B, you’ll just have to wait and find out tomorrow,” I say as I cock my head and grin at her. She pouts, like I’m not immune to that. I just pout right back at her, and add a bit of sad puppy eyes, just for affect. No one will ever beat me in a pouting contest, and this time is no different. I so rule!
“Ok, fine, Miss I’m So Damn Irresistible, I’ll just have to keep this last present for myself.” She pulls out another, slightly larger box, and tosses it between her hands. I just pout more.
“Please?” I really wonder how much more of my bottom lip I can expose. She raises an eyebrow. Damn, do I really have to beg? “Please, pretty please. With a cherry on top?”
*What will you give me for it?*
I can think of a lot of things I can give to her, but I just lean in and grab her pouting lip with mine and suck on it gently. I don’t think Willow would mind if I just jumped her bones here and now, actually, she’d probably enjoy the show; but I really don’t want to give Giles a heart attack; Buffy would never forgive me for that.
“Ok, ok, here,” Buffy huffs before handing me the box reluctantly. I bounce a few times before settling down and ripping through the paper covering the box. I open it and, holy fuck!
“Holy fuck, B! This is amazing,” I gasp, holding it up and turning it around. It’s a stake, but not just any stake. This is so fucking cool, it’s unbelievable. The thing’s probably about nine inches long, and the handle is studded with jewels. There’s also words burnt into it; on one side it says: CHOSEN TWO, and on the other it says: FOREVER. This is amazing! How did she manage to get someone to make this?
“I made it, with Angel’s help. He showed me how to do the jewels,” she explains.
“He let you handle a blow torch? He’s braver than I give him credit for,” I smirk, and get a good, solid slayer punch in my shoulder for my efforts.
“Well, if you can stop mocking me.” Buffy’s eyes narrow, sternly, but she’s still smiling. “I say we eat so we can get back to the flat and get ready for the concert tonight.”
We all nod in agreement and start to chow down. Man, tonight’s gonna be fuckin’ awesome!